


Catalyst

by DetectiveSebCas



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Body Horror, Dirty Talk, Explicit Language, Eye Trauma, Force-Feeding, Frottage, Graphic Description, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Massage, Masturbation, Medical Procedures, Nightmares, Object Penetration, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Recovery, Rimming, Sexual Content, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-03-13 10:51:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 46
Words: 240,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13569057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DetectiveSebCas/pseuds/DetectiveSebCas
Summary: Sebastian wakes up to a blood-curdling scream.  He opens his eyes, which is not helpful at all because all he can see is pitch-black, stumbles to his feet, and frantically tries to remember where he is and how he got here and who it is that is screaming like they’re being skinned alive.[When Sebastian discovers a badly-injured Stefano in Theodore's dungeon, it's the beginning of a lengthy healing process and a very different journey through STEM to rescue Lily.  Contains canon-typical violence and graphic descriptions of heavy torture, aftermath of torture, and injuries.  No non-con between Seb and Stefano.  There is explicit content and hurt-comfort everywhere in this story, but chapters 1-22 are more of the action/adventure genre, while 23-46 could be described as domestic/romance/recovery.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [Angelic Sociopath](https://angelicsociopath.tumblr.com/) has created an amazing Instagram edit based on this story that can be seen [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/BnMt3srhcrb/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=embed_loading_state_control).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by [Chibi-Raiden](http://chibi--raiden.tumblr.com/).

 

 

 

Sebastian wakes up to a blood-curdling scream. He opens his eyes, which is not helpful at all because all he can see is pitch-black, stumbles to his feet, and frantically tries to remember where he is and how he got here and who it is that is screaming like they’re being skinned alive.

　

He fumbles on his belt for his flashlight and switches it on. He’s in a small stone room, a prison cell, really, and he has the impression that he’s deep underground, though he can’t be exactly sure why. He pans the flashlight around the room, as the screaming, which seems to be coming from the cell next door, gives way to loud, ragged sobs.

　

The room is empty except for a metal bed frame with a thin mattress on it and several large wooden crates stacked in one of the corners. There is a wooden door with a small window at the top set into one wall of the room. Sebastian approaches it, but there’s no handle on his side of the door. He kicks it a few times, even tries ramming it with his shoulder, but it doesn’t budge. Clearly he’s not getting out that way.

　

He tries to remember where he was before this. He remembers hunting down Stefano’s artwork, going to the theatre to confront him, but when he opened the double doors into the auditorium, something happened. He remembers that Stefano was there, that Lily was there, and that there was also someone who looked suspiciously like…

　

"Myra?" Sebastian says under his breath. How could Myra have been there? He hasn’t seen Myra in five years, since just after Lily was kidnapped. Did Sebastian somehow bring some kind of echo of Myra into STEM with him, the way he brought in Ruvik and Laura? Or was this what Kidman meant when she said there would be someone in STEM to help him?

　

Either way, he’s almost certain now that Myra was with them in the theatre, and that then some major disruption in the environment occurred. The last thing he can remember before waking up here is calling out for Lily, reaching out for Lily, and falling through a dark, seemingly endless void.

　

Sebastian doesn’t know where Lily is now, but he suspects Stefano doesn’t have her anymore. From what he can recall, Stefano seemed to be as alarmed by Myra’s appearance and the collapse of the theatre as Sebastian himself was.

　

His thoughts are interrupted by another ear-splitting scream from next door, and this one shakes Sebastian to his core. In his police career, he’s seen people in all kinds of emotional states and with all kinds of injuries, and the scream he just heard is something he’s only encountered once or twice before. It’s not a call for help or a plea for mercy. It’s the scream of someone who can’t do anything but scream, of someone who genuinely believes that their life is about to end and that there is no action they can take to preserve it, nothing they can do to stop the pain.

　

It’s incredibly disturbing to hear, and it activates the part of Sebastian that is sworn to protect others. Without a thought, he’s throwing himself against the door again and again until his shoulder aches, because he needs to get out, needs to stop whatever is going on in the next room. The door is steadfast, and Sebastian storms to the other end of the room, his frustration and anger rising in intensity as the scream dies away, to be replaced by a series of deep, pained groans.

　

Sebastian does a quick check of his supplies, and realizes that, while he has been stripped of his guns and crossbow, he does still have his flashlight, knife, and one syringe. Almost as an afterthought, he scans the wall next to him and notices that something looks out of place behind the crates. Shoving them aside, he finds an almost waist-high opening there that could only lead into the next room. Cutting off his flashlight in an attempt to preserve some element of surprise, he takes his knife in hand, crouches down, and creeps forward into the hole.

　

As he peeks through into the other room, the groaning turns back into sobs, and in the light of the torches placed along the wall, Sebastian can see three cloaked and hooded figures bending over a fourth figure who is on the bed against the opposite wall. This fourth figure seems to be the source of the sobbing. In a matter of seconds, Sebastian has assessed the situation, the placement of the antagonists, and is ready to make his move.

　

He sneaks into the room, creeps up behind the first hooded figure, and delivers two quick stabs, one to the side of the chest and one to the back of the head. The man groans and drops like a lead weight, but of course the other two are alerted now.

　

Sebastian pivots quickly and stands up, slamming his knife into the underside of the second one’s jaw and jerking it back and forth, yanking it free in time to dodge a blow aimed by the third. His dodge carries him behind the third man, and Sebastian grabs his head, drawing the knife across his throat expertly and shoving him to the ground in time to avoid painting the whole room with arterial spray.

　

Once he’s convinced that all three are down and are not likely to be getting up anytime soon, he turns his attention to the figure on the bed. He’s shocked to see Stefano, naked, badly injured, and still moaning weakly. He pans his flashlight over Stefano’s body, genuinely shocked at what he sees.

　

Stefano’s hair is matted down with blood. He’s whimpering and trying to retreat closer to the wall, but he’s not really reacting to Sebastian’s flashlight in his face, because both of his eyes have been gouged out. The right one, normally covered by his hair, is a gaping hole with trails of blood and something that looks suspiciously like brain matter leaking out of it. The left one is a mess of blood and pulp that is streaked in tear-tracks down his cheek. There is blood dripping from the corners of his mouth, and a rope knotted around his neck.

　

His hands are bound to the bed frame above his head, wrists raw and bleeding, and his arms display a series of wounds, ranging from superficial to quite deep. His chest is similarly marked by knife wounds, and there are also fresh-looking burns in various configurations, almost like a hot poker or brand was used to make them. Both Stefano and the mattress under him are streaked with blood and something that looks like vomit and god knows what else.

　

Sebastian is not a squeamish person by any means, but his stomach is already turning when his flashlight reaches Stefano’s abdomen, where there is a knife handle protruding from his body. The knife is sunk all the way to the hilt in Stefano’s flank. It’s not the sort of wound that would disable or kill, and based on the location and the depth, Sebastian is willing to bet that its purpose was simply to pin Stefano to the mattress, like an insect being studied or a dissection subject. The thought makes Sebastian shiver.

　

He continues his scrutiny, moving downward across more wounds and burns on Stefano’s abdomen to his cock, which sports its own series of cuts, and his balls, which are badly bruised and swollen. Just below them, Sebastian can see what appears to be the thick, wooden handle of something protruding from Stefano’s opening. Sebastian winces in sympathy, trying not to imagine the kind of people who would do this to someone, anyone, even Stefano. His legs, which are also covered in cuts and burns, are not restrained but are spread slightly and bent at the knee.

　

When Sebastian finishes his once-over, he directs his flashlight back up to Stefano’s face, and almost blurts out the question that is still first and foremost on his mind. He stops himself though, because no matter how much he needs to find Lily, he feels like an asshole for wanting to ask Stefano where she is when he’s in this state. He does hope that Stefano will be able to give him some answers, but he’s not so callus that he’s going to demand them from someone who is in so much pain and probably terrified.

　

And Stefano is clearly suffering. Based on his injuries, Sebastian isn’t sure how he is even still alive. He seems to be too weak to struggle anymore, but is still making soft whines and moans, turning his head weakly from side to side as though trying to orient himself.

　

Sebastian walks quickly to the door to the cell, but finds that, like the door in his own cell, it is locked and doesn’t open from the inside. As Sebastian strides back across the room, Stefano goes completely silent, head turned slightly, so that Sebastian is sure he’s trying to listen, to figure out what is happening. Sebastian bends down and quickly searches the pockets of each of the dead men, but none of them has a key or a weapon or anything useful.

　

Since it looks like his best option is to talk to Stefano, or, more accurately, to try to restore Stefano to a state where he can carry on a conversation, Sebastian turns his attention back to the man on the bed. He doesn’t even know where to start, so he kicks a body out of the way, kneels down beside the bed, and places a hand on part of Stefano’s shoulder that isn’t a bloody mess. The instant he makes contact, Stefano is struggling violently, which means he’s moving against the knife that’s pinning him to the bed, and it must be painful because he’s screaming again.

　

"Stefano," Sebastian says sharply, but Stefano only thrashes harder and screams louder, and Sebastian yanks his hand away and freezes, waiting for Stefano to calm down. After a few more seconds, Stefano stops moving, except for his chest which is rising and falling in shallow, labored breaths.

　

"Stefano," Sebastian tries again, more quietly. He sincerely hopes that Stefano can hear him, because he obviously can’t see him. This time, Stefano doesn’t panic, but he does shake his head from side to side.

　

"Stefano, it’s Sebastian," Sebastian says. He waits for several seconds as Stefano seems to consider this.

　

"Sebastian…" Stefano whispers. His voice is hoarse and broken.

　

"Yes, it’s Sebastian," Sebastian repeats. "Will you let me help you?"

　

"Please-" Stefano is interrupted by a cough that racks his whole body and spatters his chest with more blood. "Please, just kill me," he whispers once he recovers his voice. "It hurts too much… I can’t…" Stefano’s voice trails off into another fit of coughing.

　

Sebastian’s chest tightens at his words, because Stefano sounds like he really believes there is nothing left for him in this world but pain and suffering, and Sebastian can’t blame him for just wanting to not hurt anymore. But Stefano has already managed to survive in extraordinary circumstances, and Sebastian isn’t willing to give up on him just yet, so he simply says, "I want to help you. Will you let me?"

　

Stefano doesn’t answer for a few seconds, so Sebastian continues. "If I can’t make the pain stop, I’ll… I’ll do what you asked." He hopes to god it doesn’t come to that, but if he can’t ease Stefano’s suffering, he will at least grant him a peaceful death.

　

"You may try," Stefano whispers, bracing himself as though he is anticipating another round of torture. Sebastian takes this to mean that Stefano either doesn’t believe that Sebastian actually wants to help him or believes that Sebastian’s attempts to help him are also going to be painful. He’s likely right on the second count. Sebastian has no intention of causing Stefano any more pain or trauma, but he’s also pretty sure that, despite his best efforts, some of this is probably going to hurt.

　

"I’m going to release your hands," Sebastian says quietly, hoping that if he tells Stefano what he’s planning to do, he can avoid startling him and causing him to struggle. He’s not sure if Stefano knows that there is a knife stuck through his body, and he doesn’t actually want to tell Stefano about that if he can help it. Stefano is almost certainly already in shock from the pain and blood loss, and any additional stress won’t help the situation at all. However, he also doesn’t want Stefano to struggle against it or try to remove it himself.

　

"Once I do that, you can bring your arms to your sides, but don’t do anything else," Sebastian instructs. Stefano nods slightly.

　

"Okay, here I go," Sebastian says, raising one of his hands to lightly touch one of Stefano’s. Stefano’s hand doesn’t move, and Sebastian wonders if Stefano can even feel Sebastian touching him, because he was expecting some sort of reaction. Sebastian carefully shifts his hand to expose the rope and raises his knife. He considers briefly that it may actually be merciful that Stefano can’t see at the moment, since watching the knife move toward him would almost certainly be alarming. He cuts the rope and sets his knife down on the floor. Stefano’s hands drop to the bed above his head and stay there.

　

"Sorry," Stefano whispers, "Can’t move them." It stands to reason, Sebastian realizes. If they’ve been bound above his head for any length of time, the blood probably isn’t circulating very well, not to mention the blood he’s lost through all of his wounds.

　

"It’s okay," Sebastian says. "I’m just going to move them down by your sides." Stefano nods, and Sebastian gently takes Stefano’s arms, one at a time, and guides them down to rest by his sides. Stefano’s arms are limp and cool to the touch, but Sebastian hopes that once he gets some circulation back into them that will change.

　

"How long has this been going on?" Sebastian asks. It’s hard for him to believe that he slept through the screams that must have accompanied these injuries, but it’s clear that they couldn’t have all happened in the last ten minutes.

　

Stefano takes a moment to answer. "Hours? Days? I don’t know…"

　

Sebastian nods, but then remembers that Stefano can’t see him. He’s not surprised that Stefano doesn’t have a good sense of time, particularly if he’s been blind during part of this ordeal. He decides to move on. Asking Stefano to relive any part of this isn’t going to help anyone.

　

"I want to get this rope off of your neck," Sebastian says. Stefano nods again. Sebastian isn’t sure whether Stefano’s reluctance to use his voice is due to fear or some sort of injury that makes speaking painful, but he is struck by the difference between this Stefano and the one he previously encountered in Union, the one who had a flowery, long-winded description ready for anything, from his art to Sebastian’s quest.

　

"Keep your head still," Sebastian cautions. When his hand slips under the rope and brushes Stefano’s neck, Stefano flinches away, but the action seems more reflexive than intentional, and Stefano gets himself under control quickly and stops moving. Sebastian retrieves his knife, quickly slices through the rope, and eases it out from under Stefano, taking care not to drag it across the raw spots on his neck and throat.

　

"Alright, that’s better," Sebastian says almost to himself. Then, to Stefano, "Going to place my hand on your right hip, okay?"

　

Stefano nods once again, and Sebastian moves his left hand to Stefano’s hip, a few inches away from the knife handle that is sticking out of him. Stefano’s muscles are quivering under Sebastian’s hand, but at least he doesn’t make any big movements that would aggravate the wound.

　

Sebastian generally believes that honesty is the best policy, even with injured people, but in this case, he doesn’t think it’s helpful for Stefano to know the whole truth, especially considering how much he’s already endured. On the other hand, Stefano already doesn’t trust him, and Sebastian doesn’t want to add more fuel to that fire, so he needs to tell him something.

　

"Next part is going to hurt, okay?" Sebastian says; then adds, "I’m sorry, but I have to do it. I’ll be quick."

　

Stefano nervously wets his lips, but nods. Sebastian positions his right hand around the knife handle, not even wanting to touch it yet.

　

"Take a deep breath," he instructs Stefano. "You’re going to breathe out on ‘three.’ Try not to move."

　

He waits as Stefano inhales deeply, then counts, "One…two…three." On ‘three’, Sebastian closes his hand on the knife handle and pulls straight up, keeping the pressure firm and steady so that he doesn’t cause any more damage. Stefano’s exhale comes with a yelp of pain, but true to Sebastian’s instructions, he doesn’t start thrashing again.

　

"Okay, that’s done," Sebastian says gently, his left hand still resting on Stefano’s hip as he sets the knife on the floor. "Just take some deep breaths."

　

Sebastian realizes that his own voice is shaking a little now, but he can’t help it. He’s angry at the people who did this to Stefano because this is just senseless cruelty. He’s still angry at Stefano for kidnapping Lily. And now he’s angry at himself because being angry at Stefano at this moment seems ridiculous. And on top of the anger, it’s making him a little sick to think of how much Stefano has already suffered and of how far they still have to go to save him.

　

Stefano’s chest is rising and falling sharply, but he is otherwise still and calm, and that’s a small victory. Sebastian also notes that his initial impression of the wound was correct. Even with the knife removed, blood is seeping from it slowly, not gushing, so it doesn’t require immediate attention.

　

"You okay?" Sebastian asks, mainly to make sure that Stefano is still conscious.

　

"I think so," Stefano whispers.

　

Unfortunately, the next order of business is to remove the one remaining object lodged in Stefano’s body, and Sebastian is pretty sure that it is going to be both painful and traumatic. Sebastian gives Stefano a few moments to breathe and collect himself, then lets his hand move smoothly from Stefano’s hip toward his inner thigh, keeping his fingers in contact with Stefano’s skin so that he doesn’t startle him again by touching him unexpectedly. He carefully skirts around Stefano’s injuries until he’s just inches away from the offending object. Then Stefano gasps and Sebastian stills his hand.

　

"Stop. Please don’t," Stefano says in a whisper, his voice even more unsteady than before.

　

Sebastian keeps his hand still. He’s encouraged that Stefano is taking some control back. After hours or days of being completely at the mercy of his torturers, Stefano probably isn’t used to having any say in what happens to his body, and Sebastian doesn’t want to put him back into that mindset by being too forceful in his attempts to administer medical care. But he does need to remove any foreign objects from Stefano’s body in order to treat him.

　

"It needs to come out," Sebastian says. "It’s only going to keep hurting if it stays there."

　

"I know," Stefano says, his breath coming in harsh pants, "but… not now. I can’t bear it right now."

　

Sebastian considers and decides that if it will help Stefano trust him, this can wait for at least a few more minutes.

　

"Okay," Sebastian says. "We’ll start somewhere else." He removes his hand and looks Stefano over again. The scope of his injuries is staggering, and Sebastian is sure that this is more than one syringe can fix. Hell, this is probably more than a med kit could fix even if he had one.

　

Sebastian is starting to form another idea though, because there is a large jar of green gel on the table next to the bed. While Sebastian hasn’t been using the green gel for healing specifically, it certainly does seem to have some restorative properties, and he’s willing to bet that it at least won’t make Stefano’s injuries any worse.

　

Then he starts to wonder why it would even be in this room, and his mind goes to a very dark place as he realizes that it was probably a safety measure in case the session went too far and Stefano was actually in danger of dying.

　

The more he looks at Stefano’s injuries, the more convinced he is that these men were professionals. There is extensive trauma to skin and muscle and soft, fleshy places, but all of the damage is either superficial or placed in such a way as to avoid organs and major veins and arteries. Every cut, every burn, even the penetrating wounds are calculated to cause pain and fear, and specifically not to kill, and he shudders to think of how long this could have gone on if he hadn’t intervened, how many times Stefano could have been revived only to start all over again, how many times Stefano may have already been revived to start all over again.

　

It’s not the injuries themselves, but the realization of how long it took to inflict them, of how thoroughly this must have been planned out, of how Stefano must have felt when he realized that it was actually never going to end, and how he might still be feeling, that ultimately catches up to Sebastian and causes him to double over, dry-heaving on the floor next to the bed.

　

On the police force, Sebastian became used to any number of unpleasant things, a gruesome crime scene, a chilling interview with a cold-blooded murderer, a terrifying story told by an abduction victim. But being used to those things didn’t prevent Sebastian from having feelings about them. Certain types of crimes always got under his skin, and still do, and whatever happened to Stefano is definitely in that category. He sits up, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

　

"Sebastian?" Stefano whispers, and now there is definitely fear in his voice.

　

"Yeah, I’m here," Sebastian says once he gets himself under control again and turns back to Stefano.

　

"Is it that bad?" Stefano asks.

　

"No," Sebastian answers quickly, "It’s not that. You’re going to be alright. Just hold on a second." Sebastian stands up and retrieves the jar of green gel, placing it next to him on the floor and removing the lid before kneeling down again.

　

Stefano’s fingertips are twitching now, so he’s probably getting some feeling back in his hands and arms. Stefano’s not complaining, but that’s probably because the sensation is overshadowed by everything else that’s going on with his body. Since his arms may still be a little numb and the arm isn’t a particularly intimate place to touch someone, Sebastian decides to start there.

　

"Going to touch your left hand." Sebastian says.

　

Stefano nods, and Sebastian places his hand on Stefano’s. His hand itself isn’t really injured, but his wrist is raw and bleeding from where he must have struggled against the rope. Sebastian moves his fingers to the edge of the wound but doesn’t touch it yet.

　

"I’m going to use some gel here. I’m not sure what that’s going to feel like. Just tell me if it hurts, okay?"

　

Stefano nods again, and Sebastian scoops up some green gel with the fingers of his other hand and very gently spreads it onto the shallow wound.

　

Stefano must have some feeling in his arms, because he hisses in discomfort, but Sebastian almost misses that completely. He’s entranced by what’s happening right before his eyes. The skin of Stefano’s wrist is actually knitting itself back together, smoothing out so that there is just a dark pink mark where the wound used to be, and then even the mark is fading, so that Stefano’s pale skin looks like it was never damaged at all.

　

"Did that hurt?" Sebastian asks.

　

"Hurt a little that you were..." Stefano swallows hard and winces, "...putting your fingers there." He takes a few more deep breaths. "The gel just sort of tingles. Feels kind of nice actually."

　

"Alright," Sebastian says. "I’m going to just work my way up your arm."

　

Stefano nods. Sebastian uses his hand on Stefano’s to turn his wrist so that he can spread the gel on all sides of it, and then moves up Stefano’s arm to the next shallow cut, taking care to keep his touch very light as he applies the gel, and marveling at how quickly and completely the wound heals. He continues to work upward, and he’s absorbed in his task and treating a cut just above Stefano’s elbow when a particularly ragged breath catches his attention, and he looks up to see that there are fresh, blood-tinged tears sliding down Stefano’s left cheek.

　

"Stefano?" Sebastian says quickly. "Was that too much? Should we take a break?"

　

Stefano shakes his head ‘no’, swallows, and winces again as the tears keep coming.

　

Sebastian rubs small circles with the pad of his thumb where it rests on Stefano’s arm. He’s hesitant to do even that, because he’s not sure if Stefano can separate being touched from being in pain right now, but he wants to do something to reassure him. Stefano may be his enemy, but he has suffered so much, is still suffering so much, and no one deserves this.

　

"It’s alright," Sebastian murmurs. "You’re going to be alright."

　

Stefano sniffs loudly, but his breathing is getting less labored and he seems to be calming down.

　

"Can you tell me what’s wrong?" Sebastian asks.

　

"You’re actually helping me," Stefano says quietly. His voice is thick and it’s a little hard to understand him, but he sounds like he can’t quite believe what is happening.

　

"Of course I am," Sebastian says, a little indignantly, because that’s what he’s been doing this whole time.

　

"May have underestimated you," Stefano says. "Thought you just wanted a turn."

　

It takes Sebastian a beat to realize that Stefano is not joking and genuinely thought at some point that Sebastian was going to continue the torture session.

　

"What? Why would you think that?" Sebastian is offended and he’s sure that it’s apparent from his voice, but Stefano should really give him a little more credit. True, he may have fought and even killed Stefano at one point under the right set of circumstances, but he would never have done anything like this.

　

"Because of the girl," Stefano says weakly.

　

Sebastian pauses and collects his thoughts before he answers. "You shouldn’t have kidnapped Lily, and I have to get her back... but if you think I would hurt you more when you’re in this state as some act of revenge, then you don’t know me at all."

　

"Perhaps I don’t," Stefano concedes in a hoarse whisper.

　

Sebastian sighs deeply. "I’m sorry," he says. "This isn’t about me. But I’m not going to hurt you." He rubs a few more circles on Stefano’s arm with his thumb.

　

Sebastian gathers some more gel on his fingers and moves on to the next wound, which is a deep gash in Stefano’s bicep. He spreads the gel onto it carefully, but this time it doesn’t heal up immediately. Sebastian watches for a few seconds, but nothing seems to be happening.

　

"This is a deeper wound," Sebastian says. "I’m going to try working the gel a little further in with my fingers. Let me know if it’s too painful."

　

Stefano nods and takes a deep breath, and Sebastian scoops up some more gel. He puts a liberal amount on the wound this time, and, taking a deep breath himself, presses down into the wound with his fingers, trying to squeeze the gel down deep enough that Stefano’s tissue can begin to reconnect.

　

Stefano makes a small noise of protest that makes Sebastian cringe a little, but Sebastian can also feel the flesh reorganizing beneath his hand. Encouraged, he gathers more gel from around the wound and presses his fingers in again, finding that he doesn’t have to go so deep to reach healthy tissue this time and that Stefano doesn’t seem to be as uncomfortable. After a few more applications, the wound is much shallower, and Sebastian is able to spread the gel over the broken skin and watch it heal completely.

　

Sebastian moves on to the next cut, which thankfully is not a deep one, and tends to it, and then he’s reached Stefano’s shoulder, and Stefano’s left arm, or at least the parts of it that Sebastian can see, now seems to be fully healed. It’s satisfying to see such tangible results, but there’s still a lot of work left to do.

　

"Moving on to your right arm now," Sebastian says, before he takes Stefano’s right hand in his. Stefano gives his hand a little squeeze this time, and it makes Sebastian smile, even as he’s already reaching for the gel to begin treating the raw band of flesh at Stefano’s wrist. He’s treated that one and several other shallow cuts, when he realizes that Stefano is actually snoring quietly.

　

Stefano must be exhausted after his ordeal, and for some reason it makes Sebastian feel strangely proud that Stefano feels safe enough to sleep while Sebastian is treating his wounds. The light snoring is really kind of endearing, but Sebastian doesn’t dwell on that idea. He finishes with all of the superficial cuts on Stefano’s right arm before contemplating the one remaining wound, which is deep, much like the one that used to be on the opposite side.

　

"Stefano," he says quietly. He hates to wake Stefano up, but he’s sure that treating this wound will rouse him, and Sebastian doesn’t want him to wake up confused and scared and feeling like he’s being tortured again.

　

"Mmmm?" Stefano responds sleepily. He tries to draw in a deep breath, but instead starts to cough a deep, hacking cough, blood spattering from his mouth onto himself and Sebastian. Sebastian waits, rubbing Stefano’s shoulder.

　

"It’s okay," Sebastian says. "Sorry to wake you."

　

Stefano’s coughing is subsiding, so Sebastian continues, "There’s another deep cut here." He runs his fingers along Stefano’s skin beside the wound.

　

Stefano nods. "Go ahead," he says weakly.

　

Sebastian piles on the gel this time in hopes that the more gel that enters the wound and the less his fingers have to, the more comfortable Stefano will be. He may be onto something, because this time Stefano hisses in pain, but his reaction doesn’t last very long, and his flesh seems to be joining together more quickly.

　

"There, that’s better," Sebastian says encouragingly as he puts the finishing touches on the wound and watches it close up. "I think your arms are pretty well covered now."

　

"Thank you," Stefano says. His breath hitches, and Sebastian is afraid he’s going to start coughing again, which brings him to another question.

　

"Is your mouth or throat injured?"

　

Stefano nods, but draws back from Sebastian a little. He’s too weak to move far, but he’s clearly reluctant to pursue this.

　

"Can I look?" Sebastian asks gently.

　

Stefano is trembling now, but he nods. "Please don’t… touch anything in there," he whispers before opening his mouth.

　

Sebastian takes his flashlight in hand and looks inside, though it’s hard to make anything out through all the blood. There are certainly some cuts to Stefano’s lips and gums, but they are not the precise, organized cuts that Sebastian saw on his arms. These look like the result of a knife that slipped, and Sebastian wonders if these men were trying to pry Stefano’s mouth open with a sharp object and if so, why. His question is partially answered when he looks deeper into the back of Stefano’s throat, which is bruised and swollen and raw.

　

"You can close your mouth," Sebastian says, and Stefano does. Sebastian is trying to find a delicate way to phrase his next question, but there really isn’t one.

　

"Was something forced down your throat?" he finally asks.

　

Stefano shivers and nods, but doesn’t elaborate. Sebastian doesn’t ask him to, because he doesn’t necessarily need to know exactly what happened here. He just needs to find a way to apply the gel to that area, preferably not with his fingers, based on Stefano’s reaction.

　

"Do you think you might be able to swallow some of the gel?" Sebastian asks.

　

"Probably," Stefano replies, "but you may… have to help." He coughs again. "I don’t think I can sit up."

　

"Of course," Sebastian says. Then he realizes that this plan is going to require him to elevate Stefano’s head, and he can’t do that to any measurable degree without removing the object that is still protruding from the other end of Stefano’s body. He sighs deeply, because he was hoping to delay that a little longer, but he can tell from Stefano’s coughing and strained voice that his throat is really bothering him.

　

"Stefano," he begins. "I’m going to have to sit you up to help you drink, and in order to do that I’d need to remove..." He gestures toward Stefano’s lower torso, then remembers that Stefano can’t see him. "...to remove whatever that is that you didn’t want me to touch earlier."

　

Stefano hesitates for a moment. "I think that would be okay now," he says hoarsely. "But please be careful." He swallows, flinches, then continues, "That area is still... tender."

　

"Of course," Sebastian answers. "Tell me if it hurts too much and I’ll stop."

　

Stefano’s cheeks appear to be flushed red now, though it’s difficult to be sure under all of the blood and gore on his face. Stefano speaks again.

　

"It’s... it’s much wider at the other end," he mumbles. "Once you start, you’ll probably need to just keep going."

　

"Oh," Sebastian says, momentarily stunned into silence, because the end of the implement that he can see is already so large that it would have been terribly painful to have it inserted forcefully, and he hasn’t even considered the possibility that he’s looking at the tapered end.

　

"Okay then," Sebastian says, trying to regain his composure as he moves further down the bed. Stefano’s legs are in the same position they were when Sebastian found him, spread slightly and bent at the knee, so at least Sebastian doesn’t need to reposition him.

　

"I’m just going to do this slow and steady. Try to relax as much as you can." Stefano nods.

　

"Putting my hand on your right thigh now," Sebastian warns, choosing a patch of undamaged skin and placing one hand there to steady Stefano. His other hand closes around the handle of the object.

　

"Ready?" Sebastian asks. Stefano nods again.

　

"Deep breath," Sebastian instructs, then counts "One, two, three." On three, Sebastian slowly begins to draw the object out of Stefano’s body. As Stefano said, with the exception of the flared handle, he is looking at the narrower end.

　

Stefano is clearly trying to be quiet, but Sebastian can tell how much it hurts from the choked, abbreviated cries Stefano makes, the way his fingers are digging into the mattress, and the way the muscles of his leg are twitching weakly under Sebastian’s hand.

　

"Relax, you’re doing great," Sebastian says as he continues to steadily pull on the object. It’s longer than he expected and just keeps getting thicker, and he’s not surprised to see that there are streaks of blood on it.

　

After a few more inches have slid free, Sebastian can see that it’s a club or cudgel of some sort, certainly not intended for this use, and Stefano is whining in discomfort as his opening is stretched wide around it.

　

"Hang in there," Sebastian says softly. "Almost done." He doesn’t actually know, but they have to be almost done. He’s already moved at least eight inches of the thing out of Stefano. There can’t be much more.

　

A second later, Stefano utters a sharp wordless cry, but thank god it’s just as Sebastian eases the last few inches out of him, and then the thick wooden object is free of his body. Sebastian takes a moment to stare at it in disbelief before discarding it on the floor.

　

Stefano is gasping for breath, his chest rising and falling rapidly, and his hand is moving feebly in Sebastian’s direction. Sebastian takes it in both of his and squeezes gently.

　

"You’re alright now," he says to Stefano. "That part’s over."

　

Stefano doesn’t seem to be able to speak yet, but he squeezes Sebastian’s hand. Sebastian waits for Stefano’s breathing to slow down, taking a moment to look between Stefano’s legs. There is blood leaking slowly from his opening, and Sebastian wants to use the gel, but he’s not sure how Stefano will tolerate being touched there again so soon.

　

What he really wants to ask Stefano right now is why all of this was done to him. Were these men trying to extract information? Did Stefano have something else they wanted? Or were they simply taking advantage of someone who was, at least temporarily, weaker than they?

　

That’s another thing that must have made this difficult for Stefano, Sebastian realizes. He is used to being powerful, confident, and in control, at least in STEM, and seeing him completely overpowered, beaten down, and broken gives Sebastian a creeping sense of dread about what other dangers he might face in this world. He considers, not for the first time, whether there might be someone more powerful than Ruvik, an environment more dangerous than Beacon, and he needs to know what he’s up against if he is to have any hope of saving Lily.

　

Sebastian needs those answers from Stefano in order to continue his mission. He knows this, but he also knows that it isn’t the only reason he is helping Stefano. Even with everything that has passed between them, even with Lily’s kidnapping, there are some things that no one should have to endure, ever, and this level of torture is one of them. Putting his fear and his anger aside, he turns his attention back to the task at hand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by [Chibi-Raiden](http://chibi--raiden.tumblr.com/).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first touch of Sebastian’s fingers, even though it is light and spreading the healing gel, makes him jump. Sebastian keeps his hands still and waits, and Stefano breathes deeply, tries to settle his nerves, reminds himself that this is Sebastian, not the faceless, cloaked men that he can see leaning over him in his mind’s eye, that Sebastian isn’t going to stab or tear or violate his body, but it’s hard to convince himself of that because he has been so hurt, so violated, and so completely helpless as he is now, lying on his back under someone much stronger and more capable than he is.

 

 

 

Stefano takes several deep, gasping breaths, almost coughing a few times, as he struggles to regain control. Feeling the thickest part of the wooden club stretching him open again almost broke him, took him right back to when he could still see what was going on, and Theodore’s men brought it before him, let him consider the size and the shape, and watched with glee as he realized what they were planning to do with it. It had taken all three of them, one restraining each of his legs, while the third placed the thick object against his opening and pushed forward. There was nothing to ease the way, and he is sure that he must have been screaming as it was forced into him, tearing him on the inside as it stretched his body in ways it was not designed to stretch, but he can only remember the searing pain and the sense that he was being damaged in some irreparable way.

　

And even though this time it’s being removed and being handled by Sebastian, who keeps his word about moving slowly and carefully, the pain and the stretching are the same. He is still being spread open too wide, and he has no control, can do nothing to stop it, but it’s over soon enough, and Stefano feels a wave of relief as the club finally slides free of his body.

　

Even then, he still feels like he is wide open, exposed, and vulnerable, and for a moment, as he waits, blind and trying to steady his breathing, he is sure that something else is going to happen, that something else is going to be forced into his body, but Sebastian’s hand is still on his thigh and Sebastian hasn’t hurt him yet, at least not that Stefano can tell. He reaches a hand out along the bed toward where he imagines Sebastian to be, and Sebastian’s hand is suddenly off of him. He’s about to protest this, because for a moment he feels as though he is floating in the black void that is his world now, but then both of Sebastian’s hands take his, squeezing gently, and he’s grounded again.

　

"You’re alright now." Sebastian’s voice is gruff, but there is an underlying warmth to it. "That part’s over."

　

Stefano still doesn’t trust his own voice, but he squeezes Sebastian’s hand and takes a few more steadying breaths. Several seconds go by in silence.

　

"Can I use the gel to-?" Sebastian begins, but Stefano’s mind has already jumped ahead to what he must be thinking, and Sebastian cannot touch him there right now. He’s not sure anyone will ever be able to touch him there, but definitely not right now. He jerks his hand out of Sebastian’s and tries to move his body away from him as well, but the second he tries to engage his muscles, it’s as though every part of him is on fire. The pain is sharp and intense and literally everywhere, and his head is full of noise and pain and his own screams. Sebastian’s voice comes through as well, though softly compared to everything else.

　

"Stefano, it’s okay," Sebastian is saying. "I’m not going to force you." Stefano tries to focus on Sebastian’s voice again, to use it ground himself because he feels like the world is spinning around him.

　

"It’s alright," Sebastian continues. "I won’t touch you there again unless you tell me I can." Sebastian’s voice and Sebastian’s words are so calm and soothing compared to the other emotions that are swirling violently inside him, and Stefano listens to them carefully, repeats them in his head, and remembers that this is Sebastian and that Sebastian has respected his requests so far. The screaming is fading away. He can feel himself relaxing, though he’s still trembling with residual adrenaline, and the pain is slowly subsiding.

　

He still hurts, of course. Even when he’s lying perfectly still, he hurts. He can’t imagine what it would feel like not to hurt, because that seems like a far away dream, another lifetime that he has no hope of returning to. But at least when he is still, the pain is less sharp, less intense, doesn’t overwhelm him the way that it does when he moves. When he trusts his voice to produce something that’s not a scream, he speaks.

　

"I’m sorry…" he whispers.

　

"You don’t need to apologize," Sebastian says firmly. "I shouldn’t have asked that."

　

Stefano opens his mouth to tell Sebastian that he certainly doesn’t have anything to apologize for either, but what comes out is another wet, hacking cough.

　

"Right," Sebastian says, "Can I help you sit up?"

　

Stefano nods, because he is trying to stifle another cough. His mouth tastes of blood, has tasted of blood for hours. At first, the metallic flavor of it was familiar and oddly comforting, but after so much time and having swallowed so much of it, Stefano is starting to feel a little nauseated.

　

He hears Sebastian stand up, then feels the bed dip near his shoulder, which must be Sebastian sitting down on it.

　

"I’m going to put my hands on your shoulders," Sebastian says. Stefano nods, preparing himself to feel Sebastian’s hands on him. In the darkness, it is all too easy to imagine that the hands belong to his tormentors, that more pain will follow, and Sebastian’s warnings help to mitigate that. When Sebastian’s hands come to rest on his shoulders, they are large and warm, and Stefano reminds himself that they are Sebastian’s and keeps his composure.

　

"Going to sit you up now, okay?" Sebastian says.

　

Stefano nods again. His mouth is full of blood, and he doesn’t want to swallow any more if he can help it.

　

"Just try to be as still as you can. Rest your back against me," Sebastian says. "Here we go."

　

Sebastian’s strong hands are lifting him, and Stefano is trying his best to hold still, to stifle the yelp that rises in his throat as the movement sets off a shock of pain in his right side. There are other little flares of pain as well, all over his body, but then his back makes contact with Sebastian’s chest. Of course that triggers even more pain, because the deep welts on his back are pressing against Sebastian’s shirt, but the feeling of leaning against something warm and solid, something alive, is so novel that it distracts him for a moment.

　

"You alright?" Sebastian asks.

　

Stefano is about to nod reflexively, but suddenly realizes that he is not, in fact, alright. The abrupt motion of sitting up combined with the amount of blood he has consumed is turning his stomach, and he barely has time to lean to one side, which thankfully Sebastian allows him to do, before he is vomiting copiously onto what he hopes is the floor and not Sebastian.

　

His damaged throat burns, and his head is spinning, and his stomach is flipping over again and he leans his head back onto Sebastian’s shoulder and just wishes that it could be over. The pain, the sick feeling in his stomach, the way his skin crawls from knowing that he is surrounded by, and perhaps covered in, blood and vomit- it’s all too much, and Sebastian did promise that he would help him end his life if that was his choice.

　

"Don’t you think… it’s time for plan B?" Stefano asks, gagging suddenly as the next wave of nausea hits. He leans over and vomits again, and this time even though one of Sebastian’s hands stays on his shoulder to support him, the other comes to rest on his head, probably sweeping his hair back from his face, Stefano realizes. It’s also resting on a painful head wound that Stefano doesn’t remember receiving, but he doesn’t have the heart to tell Sebastian that. Sebastian is speaking, and Stefano can’t make out exactly what Sebastian is saying over the sound of his own heaving, but the words are soft and reassuring.

　

Once the nausea passes, Stefano is left gasping for breath, his whole body shaking. Sebastian’s hands are back on his shoulders, guiding him to lean against Sebastian again.

　

"Is that really what you want?" Sebastian asks, his voice sounding very close to Stefano’s ear.

　

"I don’t know," Stefano whispers. He really doesn’t know. A few seconds ago, he would have done anything just to end his suffering, but now, in a calmer moment, resting against Sebastian and feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest, Stefano has some small glimmer of hope that he might be able to recover, that the pain will eventually end.

　

"Let me see what I can do then," Sebastian suggests, and Stefano nods in response. He’s balanced precariously on the line between self-preservation and welcoming the sweet release of death, but Sebastian’s reassurances tip the scales. Even the smallest glimmer of hope is worth pursuing, he supposes. Sebastian shifts behind him, and his hands leave Stefano’s shoulders.

　

"I’m going to raise the jar up to your mouth and tip in a little at a time. Just swallow carefully and don’t try to take too much at once," Sebastian instructions, then sighs deeply. "I really hope this doesn’t make you throw up again."

　

A second later, Stefano feels something touch his lips, and he opens his mouth a bit. When the gel first touches his tongue, panic flares up inside him, because it’s too familiar, reminds him too much of a time that might have been days ago, but he can’t be sure. It was very early in the session, when Theodore’s men were demanding that he drink some mysterious liquid. He was still himself then. His will hadn’t been broken, and as many times as they would pry his mouth open and pour the liquid in, he would spit it back at them, until finally, enraged, one of them left and returned with a length of hard rubber tubing, which was unceremoniously, and quite painfully, forced down his throat so that the liquid could be administered uninterrupted. Stefano never did learn what its purpose was, though he’s not sure he actually wants to know.

　

The gel, at least, doesn’t have an unpleasant flavor. It doesn’t taste like much of anything in fact, but it is cool and sort of slimy, and the texture alone almost causes Stefano to gag again. He fights the urge, forces himself to take small sips and swallow carefully, and luckily Sebastian doesn’t try to pour too much into his mouth at once. After a few sips, the jar is moved away from his mouth, and Stefano pauses for a moment, notes the tingling sensation on his lips and his gums and in his throat, and wonders if they are being healed the way his arms were. They certainly hurt less. He swallows experimentally. In the aftermath of the tingling from the gel, he feels only mild soreness in his throat.

　

"How’s that?" Sebastian asks.

　

"Better, I think," Stefano says hesitantly, and discovers that his voice is almost his own again. The lingering soreness gives it a slightly raspy quality, but it’s not the weak, broken sound that it was just a few minutes ago. The taste of blood in his mouth is gone, and he doesn’t feel the urge to cough anymore. "Yes, certainly better," he says with more confidence.

　

"Anywhere else in your mouth that’s still hurting?"

　

Stefano considers for a moment, passes his tongue around in his mouth to make sure there aren’t any remaining wounds from where the knife they were using to pry his mouth open slipped and gouged him. He doesn’t feel any, and his throat and stomach seem to be settled now as well.

　

"No, there’s a little soreness, but nothing more," he answers, finding that he has a whole new appreciation for being able to use his voice.

　

"Do you want me to try to work on your eyes?" Sebastian asks. "I think the gel will do something for them, but there’s a lot of damage. It’s probably going to be pretty unpleasant."

　

Stefano considers whether he feels ready for this or whether he should direct Sebastian to work on something else. The pain in his head is intense, and he needs his vision back, both in order to escape from this dungeon and in order to have any sort of life after that. After all, he’s a visual artist. If he can’t see, what is the point in surviving at all?

　

Further, for reasons that Stefano still doesn’t understand, Sebastian seems to actually be helping him recover, and he’s been gentle and respectful and honest about what he has been doing so far. The procedures Sebastian has warned him would be painful have hurt, of course, but the pain subsides, and Sebastian hasn’t done anything to extend or intensify it. It is still very frightening to have someone else handling and manipulating his body when he is so weak and unable to defend himself, but Sebastian is clearly going out of his way to try to make Stefano comfortable, and Stefano is starting to feel some level of confidence that Sebastian will stop touching him if he requests that.

　

More than any of that though, he just needs to be free of the cold, creeping darkness, because without his sight, every noise and every touch sets his heart racing, brings that cold feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach, because in the dark every noise and every touch is Theodore’s men coming back for him, and he will be completely at their mercy, and Sebastian won’t be there to save him this time. He shivers at the thought and realizes that he’s probably been silent for a while.

　

"Yes, let’s try," Stefano says. "Start with the right one if you don’t mind. I’m more accustomed to that one causing me pain."

　

"Alright," Sebastian replies, "I’m going to help you lie back down."

　

Sebastian’s hands are back on his shoulders, and he can feel Sebastian shifting from behind him. Then he’s being lowered carefully back to the mattress. The bed dips again, near his shoulder, and he imagines that Sebastian is now sitting just beside him.

　

"I’m actually not sure what it normally looks like, but you’ve got a big open area here right now," Sebastian says, his voice coming from just above Stefano’s face. "I’m going to start around the edges, but I’m probably going to have to go pretty deep to get the gel where it needs to be. Just let me know if it’s too much."

　

Stefano can imagine what Sebastian is looking at, and why he is so hesitant to attempt treatment. He couldn’t see what was being done to this eye, because his other one had already been blinded, but he does remember the sound of the knife scraping against the bones of his skull, the sickening squelching noise of flesh and tissue giving way, and the white-hot stabs of pain that sent his already-frayed nerves over the edge. He’s sure that the injury is significant, and that what Sebastian is really trying to say, very politely, is that he is about to stick his fingers very far into Stefano’s eye socket.

　

"I will," Stefano answers. "Just do what you need to do."

　

"Okay," Sebastian says. "Putting my hand on the right side of your face."

　

Stefano exhales deeply and suppresses the urge to jerk his head away as Sebastian’s hand cups his right cheek, his thumb resting just below Stefano’s eye socket. He’s sensitive about being touched around his eyes anyway, but now that they are throbbing with the aftershocks of deep, penetrating knife wounds, it’s even harder for him to stay calm and hold still when someone’s fingers are so close to that area. His muscles are tensing and he can feel the urge to pull away building even before Sebastian speaks.

　

"Going to start around the outside here," he says.

　

The first touch of Sebastian’s fingers, even though it is light and spreading the healing gel, makes him jump. Sebastian keeps his hands still and waits, and Stefano breathes deeply, tries to settle his nerves, reminds himself that this is Sebastian, not the faceless, cloaked men that he can see leaning over him in his mind’s eye, that Sebastian isn’t going to stab or tear or violate his body, but it’s hard to convince himself of that because he has been so hurt, so violated, and so completely helpless as he is now, lying on his back under someone much stronger and more capable than he is.

　

Stefano’s body has been still for a few seconds, even though his mind has been racing, and Sebastian begins to slowly spread the gel again, making a circle around the edge of his eye socket, as Stefano struggles to control himself and keep his dark thoughts at bay. The moment Sebastian’s finger eases its way inside the wound though, it’s too much. He is being hurt, he is being violated, and it doesn’t matter who’s doing it. He cries out sharply, rolling away from Sebastian and bringing his hands up to shield his face. Sebastian doesn’t try to stop him, just pulls his hands away, but Stefano can tell by the weight on the bed that he hasn’t moved. Stefano waits for a moment, lets a low groan escape him because his sudden movements have predictably aggravated all of his wounds, and then speaks.

　

"I’m sorry, Sebastian," Stefano says. "This might be more difficult than I anticipated." He’s not even sure how to begin to explain to Sebastian why this is different than anything else he’s attempted. It’s too complicated, too tied up in the original loss of his eye years ago, and it’s not the sort of thing he can distill into words so easily.

　

"Do you think it would help if I held your head in my lap?" Sebastian asks. This takes Stefano by surprise. He had anticipated Sebastian’s next move as either giving up on his eyes and trying to work on something else or giving up on him entirely and going on his way.

　

"Perhaps," Stefano answers tentatively. "Can you show me what you mean?"

　

"Sure," Sebastian says. "Can you shift onto your back again?"

　

Stefano does as Sebastian asks, wincing as the welts on his back touch the mattress. He feels the mattress lift up a bit, then Sebastian is speaking.

　

"I’m going to lift your shoulders again," he says, and then Sebastian’s hands are on his shoulders, and he is being lifted. When Sebastian slowly lays him back down, his head ends up pillowed on what must be Sebastian’s lap, which is surprisingly comfortable.

　

"Do you think this will help?" Stefano asks. After the gripping terror of the last attempt, he is hesitant to allow Sebastian to try again, even though he desperately wants to regain his eyesight.

　

"I don’t know," Sebastian replies. "Just thought it might feel different."

　

Stefano thinks on that for a moment, because Sebastian may have a point. This does feel distinctly different from when his eyesight was taken. Sebastian’s body is warm beneath his, Sebastian’s smell- the smell of sweat and gunpowder and Sebastian himself- is all around him, and Sebastian’s hands are gentle as they rest on his shoulders, relaxed and undemanding.

　

"Sebastian," Stefano says, "I’m ready. Can you try again?"

　

"Yes," Sebastian says. "Putting my hand on your forehead."

　

Stefano feels Sebastian’s large hand come to rest on his forehead, and somehow, having his head cradled between Sebastian’s lap and his hand inspires a sense of security, rather than the feeling of being restrained. Then he feels Sebastian’s fingers brushing along the edge of his eye socket, wet with gel, and this time when they dip inside, it is painful and raw and frightening, but it is bearable. Stefano can’t entirely suppress his reaction. He does cry out and his muscles tense as he twists, squirms involuntarily, because as much as he wants Sebastian to finish his work, his body wants to escape from the painful stimulus. For his part, Sebastian holds Stefano’s head steady, not fighting his movements but grounding him, providing a point of stability in his dark and unfamiliar world.

　

As Sebastian applies more gel and slides his fingers carefully around inside the wound, Stefano is aware of his own cries and whimpers, is aware of Sebastian’s murmured reassurances, and most importantly is aware that if he asked Sebastian to stop, his request would be heeded. But he doesn’t need Sebastian to stop right now. The first touch of Sebastian’s fingers was shockingly intimate and painful, and there are still ripples of pain when Sebastian touches certain areas, but Stefano is finding that the longer Sebastian works, the more the tingling of the gel takes over. Soon Stefano is more focused on the tingling and the novelty of having someone’s fingers gently moving around inside his head.

　

"Hang in there," Sebastian says. "You’re doing great." His voice is as gentle as his fingers, and so different from the gruff, abrasive tone Stefano learned to expect during their previous meetings. And Sebastian just continues to talk quietly to him and apply more gel and stroke the inside of his head. Stefano focuses on his voice, lets it lull him as the gel relieves some of his pain, and his flesh builds itself back up to its normal level, and before long, Sebastian is just circling the damaged, scarred skin that covers that eye socket normally.

　

"I think this one’s taken care of," Sebastian says. "Should I move on to the left one?"

　

Stefano takes a deep breath. He is suddenly struck by the fatigue that’s been building up underneath all of the adrenaline, and he just wants the whole thing to be over. What he truly wants is to sleep for days, but the prospect of regaining his vision is more compelling.

　

"Yes," Stefano replies. "I’m ready."

　

"Alright," Sebastian says. "I’m going to try to handle this the same way I did with the right one, but it’s a smaller wound, so it’ll be harder to get the gel down into it. Just bear with me, okay?"

　

"I will," Stefano says, "but I’m not sure I’ll be able to hold still." His left eye is undoubtedly the most painful part of his body right now, and he can’t imagine how it’s going to feel once Sebastian starts poking around in it.

　

"I’ve got you," Sebastian says, rubbing his thumb across Stefano’s brow for emphasis. "You do what you need to do to get through it. If you want me to stop, just say so."

　

Then Sebastian’s other hand is resting on his left cheek, and his fingers are circling the edge of his damaged eye, smoothing the gel into place. As Sebastian completes his circle and eases his fingers deeper into the wound, Stefano’s last visual memories come rushing back- his head being held forcibly in place as he watched the knife closing in, the spurting blood, the searing, inescapable pain as the knife was driven into his skull, and then the darkness and more pain and the jeering voices of his tormentors and the sound of his own helpless screams. His screams are filling his ears even now, as Sebastian probes the wound deeply with gel-covered fingers. He thrashes, struggles as much as his weakened body will allow, but his head is held securely between Sebastian’s hand and Sebastian’s lap, and even with the screaming, Sebastian’s voice is in his ears, murmuring apologies and reassurance and encouragement.

　

Stefano doesn’t say ‘stop’, even though he knows that he could. He needs to endure this, no matter how much it hurts, and suddenly the intense, raw pain is fading to a dull ache and the world around him is swimming into being. Everything is so bright that it’s almost completely washed out, blocked occasionally by Sebastian’s well-meaning fingers. Stefano lets his body relax and falls silent for a few moments as he tries to catch his breath.

　

Sebastian’s hand is pulled back from his face, and Sebastian is leaning down over him, blocking almost his whole field of vision.

　

"Can you see?" Sebastian asks.

　

"Yes, but things are very bright and quite blurry," Stefano replies. "I imagine it will take my eye some time to adjust."

　

"Probably," Sebastian agrees. "How much can you see right now?" He waves his hand in front of Stefano’s face.

　

"You don’t need to keep announcing everything you’re doing, if that’s what you want to know," Stefano says. Even though he has to squint a little bit, he can see Sebastian well enough that he’s not likely to be startled by Sebastian’s movements.

　

Sebastian nods and says, "Let me lay you down, and I can take care of some of those other wounds."

　

Sebastian places his hands on Stefano’s shoulders again and lifts him, and this time Stefano can actually see Sebastian move out from under him, lower him back down to the mattress, and kneel beside the bed. Sebastian fumbles with something on the floor, out of Stefano’s line of sight, that must be the green gel, because Sebastian has it on the fingers of his right hand when he leans over Stefano and begins to work on the raw, painful skin of his neck and throat.

　

Theodore’s men hadn’t tried to strangle him in earnest, but they did seem to enjoy his reactions when they cut off his air supply. Stefano shivers, remembering the cold fear of impending death, of not even being able to scream, but Sebastian’s steady hands work the gel in, removing the pain of the wound, if not the horrible memory associated with it.

　

After that, Sebastian moves on to his torso, starting at his collar bone. Stefano has lost count of how many cuts and burns were made on his skin, how many times he was struck with blunt objects. His vision is still indistinct, so he can’t even identify all of the wounds, even now, but being able to see at all calms him, allows him to orient himself, and makes the whole ordeal much more tolerable. He simply lies back, allowing Sebastian to tend his wounds, occasionally hissing in discomfort as Sebastian’s fingers find a particularly raw or tender place, until Sebastian speaks.

　

"Can I ask you a question? I mean, do you feel well enough to talk now?"

　

"Yes, you may," Stefano answers hesitantly, wondering where Sebastian is going with this.

　

"What happened back in the theatre?" Sebastian asks, spreading gel onto Stefano’s nipple. Stefano winces, because that’s a sensitive area for him, even when it hasn’t been recently burned with a piece of red-hot metal. He breaths out slowly, collecting himself as Sebastian’s fingers make more careful circles in the gel, applying it liberally before moving on to the other nipple to give it the same treatment.

　

Stefano reflects on Sebastian’s question, and suddenly some of what Sebastian is doing makes sense. Sebastian needs answers from him, so he needs for Stefano to be in sufficiently good condition to provide those answers. It’s easy to explain Sebastian’s behavior as being entirely motivated by this need for information, and the cynical part of Stefano is inclined to do just that. As soon as he provides those answers or reveals that he can’t provide them, Sebastian will go on his way.

　

Stefano feels something like disappointment at this realization, but then immediately feels foolish for expecting anything else. It was stupid of him to attribute any other explanation to Sebastian’s behavior, stupid of him to think that Sebastian cares if he lives or dies or suffers or rots away alone in this prison cell. He briefly considers withholding what little he does know in hopes of convincing Sebastian to stay longer, to help him escape, but he is so tired, so defeated, and there’s always the possibility that Sebastian will pick up where Theodore’s men left off if Stefano makes him angry enough. Better to answer and see where that leads.

　

"I had planned a particularly grand performance," Stefano begins, encouraged slightly by the opportunity to talk about one of his works, but Sebastian cuts him off.

　

"Right, I’m sure you had," Sebastian says, as he applies gel to an area on Stefano’s ribs where several layers of skin have been flayed off. "But what happened after I came into the auditorium?"

　

"The environment became… very unstable," Stefano answers, breathing through the pain of being touched and the tingling of the gel. "There were at least two other forces at work, besides you and myself and the Core."

　

"Lily," Sebastian snaps. "Her name is Lily." His fingers press into the next wound hard enough that Stefano can’t hold back a yelp.

　

"Sorry," Sebastian says quickly, withdrawing his hand and collecting more gel. His touch is much lighter when he spreads it onto the wound this time. Stefano feels a tremor run through his body, because even though it’s more likely that Sebastian was reacting in anger, rather than making a move calculated to hurt him, it is very clear that Sebastian could hurt him very easily if he was so inclined. Better not to give him a reason, in the short term at least.

　

"Who else was there?" Sebastian asks, moving on to a burn on the other side of Stefano’s ribs. His fingers slide over it carefully, almost apologetically, Stefano thinks.

　

"One of them, I know," Stefano says. "Father Theodore. He is the one who tasked me with finding the Core- Lily- finding Lily." Stefano corrects himself quickly, but the damage is done. He closes his eye, bracing himself for more pain. It doesn’t come, and he opens his eye. Sebastian is looking at him, though Stefano’s vision is still too indistinct to make out his expression. Stefano lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, and Sebastian turns his attention back to his work.

　

"Theodore wanted Lily’s power," Stefano continues tentatively. Sebastian seems to be focused on his wounds again, and Stefano watches him for a moment as Sebastian’s hands trace carefully over his abdomen, stopping to spread some gel on a deep gash on his left side, murmuring an apology as his fingers work the gel down into the wound. Stefano is learning to tolerate the sharp, stinging pain that comes with Sebastian’s efforts to spread the gel, but he is certainly still affected by it and he lets a low groan escape his throat, waits for Sebastian to move on to a shallower wound before he continues speaking.

　

"He was already very powerful. He seemed to be… aware of Union in a way that the rest of us were not. And he was able to influence Union and its citizens."

　

"Like you were?" Sebastian asks as he gently applies gel to a burn on Stefano’s left hip. Stefano hisses, because it’s like Sebastian is touching a raw nerve, but the gel takes effect quickly enough, and the pain fades away.

　

"Yes," Stefano says when he catches his breath, "But the scope of his power was much greater. He was the one who taught me how to manipulate Union, and he directed me to find Lily, which I did, but then the plans changed."

　

"Theodore’s plans changed?" Sebastian smears gel carefully onto a long shallow cut just below Stefano’s navel, not taking his eyes off his work.

　

"My plans changed," Stefano says. That gets Sebastian’s attention, and he pauses to look Stefano in the face, clearly waiting for him to elaborate. Stefano sighs, because he senses that Sebastian is not going to understand this part of his story, but he endeavors to explain it anyway.

　

"I was creating such magnificent works of art with Lily’s assistance-"

　

"That’s bullshit and you know it," Sebastian interrupts, bringing his closed fist down hard on the mattress next to Stefano’s hip, causing Stefano to reflexively shy away. "Lily was not helping you make those…those… monsters!"

　

Sebastian pauses, breathing hard, his shoulders heaving with the effort, and Stefano waits and considers his options. He doesn’t want to anger Sebastian further, but it also doesn’t seem prudent to lie to him. Maybe if he can just explain himself a bit better, Sebastian will understand.

　

"Perhaps not consciously," Stefano begins, "but I could not have made them without her. Her mind is so pure, her power is unlimited-"

　

"That’s enough!" Sebastian snaps. A few seconds pass where neither of them moves. Sebastian is staring intently into Stefano’s face, and Stefano is genuinely afraid to take any action. He is not strong enough in his current state to resist anything Sebastian wants to do to him, and Sebastian seems to be incapable of having a reasonable discussion on this particular topic. Stefano simply waits, frozen, until Sebastian lets out a long sigh.

　

"So you decided not to give Lily to Theodore?" Sebastian says finally.

　

"Yes," Stefano replies, monitoring Sebastian for any more fast movements. "And it seems that, in doing so, I have angered him greatly."

　

"Is that what all this is about?" Sebastian asks, gesturing to Stefano’s body, and Stefano is struck with a bout of self-conscious vulnerability. He is suddenly very aware of his own torn, battered, violated form in a way that he wasn’t before his vision was restored. He is not only afraid that Sebastian will hurt him, but of Sebastian seeing him in this condition. They were once much more evenly matched. In fact, Stefano remembers that he overpowered Sebastian on multiple occasions, but now he feels so diminished, so damaged, that he is ashamed to have Sebastian look at him.

　

Stefano can feel his face burning, and he turns onto his right side, away from Sebastian, swearing under his breath at the pain that accompanies the change in position.

　

"Don’t do that," Sebastian says from behind him. "I meant did they do this because Theodore was angry with you? Or were they trying to get information from you?"

　

Stefano feels another shiver run through his body. When he first regained consciousness in this prison cell, when Theodore’s men first entered with their implements of torture, Stefano had assumed they wanted something from him, that something would be asked of him. As it turned out, they only wanted his blood and his pain and his fear. The moment when he finally realized that they only desired to see him suffer, that there was no way to stop them, brought a new kind of fear and, more than that, a sense of hopelessness that he still hasn’t quite managed to shake.

　

"I don’t know," Stefano answers, cursing how weak his voice sounds in the wake of the painful memory. "But they never asked me any questions." He rests his head on the filthy mattress, wishing that he could sink into it and disappear.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian sets Stefano’s clothes down on one of the boxes, then turns his mind to figuring out what exactly he’s going to do with Stefano himself. Clearly Stefano knows more about this Father Theodore than Sebastian does, which could be extremely helpful if Sebastian has to confront Theodore. And it now seems almost certain that Sebastian will have to take on Theodore at some point. Stefano is also a certified psychopath who kidnapped his daughter, never mind that Mobius kidnapped her first.

 

 

 

Sebastian sits silent and still for a few moments, carefully choosing the words that he hopes will reassure Stefano. In his years on the police force, he interviewed the victims of some truly horrible crimes, so Stefano’s reactions aren’t particularly surprising for him.

　

He clears his throat, makes a conscious effort to soften his voice, and says, "You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. You weren’t in control of any of this. The men who were are dead now."

　

Stefano seems to perk up a little at that, raising his head from the mattress to look back over his shoulder at Sebastian.

　

"Please turn back this way so I can finish treating you," Sebastian continues.

　

Stefano slowly rolls onto his back, face tight and hissing in pain. He takes a moment to peek over the side of the bed, apparently seeing the dead men on the floor for the first time. The corners of his mouth twitch up into a half-smile, and he makes eye contact with Sebastian.

　

Sebastian is amazed that Stefano’s left eye has reformed itself into a functioning organ. The green gel has some truly amazing properties, and fortunately they still have over half the jar left. Sebastian dips his fingers into it again and leans over Stefano to take a look at the wound he removed the knife from earlier.

　

"This one’s very deep," he warns Stefano before he begins to apply the gel, working it down into the wound as far as he can without causing Stefano too much pain. Stefano is doing an admirable job of holding still, but his muscles are twitching under Sebastian’s hands. At one point he makes a noise that is half-whine and half-moan, and when Sebastian glances up at him, Stefano’s eyes are fixed on the ceiling above him.

　

Once the wound appears to be healed, at least from this side, Sebastian moves on to Stefano’s legs. He decides to skip over Stefano’s cock and balls for the time being. Even if Stefano will allow Sebastian to touch him there, it looks like it is going to be a very painful process, and Sebastian wants to see if he can get some more information from Stefano first.

　

"Does Theodore control this place?" Sebastian asks, smoothing the gel into a long gash on Stefano’s right thigh.

　

"Yes," Stefano says. He seems to be making an effort to control his breathing, and Sebastian slows down his hand a little, moves more deliberately, more carefully as he applies the gel, until Stefano nods at him and speaks again.

　

"I have been here before when I displeased him," Stefano says with a shiver. "It’s where he keeps his enemies… and anyone he can’t control."

　

"Did this happen that other time?" Sebastian asks, gesturing to the wounds on Stefano’s legs.

　

"No," Stefano answers. "Not like this. Punishment is one of his primary tools, so it was decidedly unpleasant the last time I was here, but nothing like this." As he speaks, Sebastian pauses in his work to shift uncomfortably, because the stone floor is getting very hard on his knees. Stefano glances at Sebastian and pats the mattress next to his own hip. Sebastian drags himself off the floor and sits down beside Stefano’s legs, moving the jar of gel next to his feet so that he can still reach it.

　

"Do you know how to leave this place?" Sebastian asks.

　

"That may pose a problem," Stefano replies. "You see, this is not the sort of place that has a front door you can walk out. It isn’t spatially located at all as far as I can tell. No one leaves here unless Theodore allows them to."

　

"What about how to leave this room?" Sebastian asks, smearing gel onto a bruised and bloodied area of Stefano’s shin. Stefano groans as Sebastian massages gel into the area, which prompts a more pressing question.

　

"Do you have any broken bones?"

　

Stefano is quiet for a moment, as though he is conducting an inventory of his body. "No," he says finally. "I don’t think so. And I don’t know about getting out of this room either. The only time I left before was when I was let out from the other side." Stefano pauses. "How did you get in here anyway?"

　

"There’s a hole in the wall," Sebastian says, gesturing towards the hole before returning to his task. He works his way down to Stefano’s foot, rubbing the gel across a long knife slash on the bottom of it. These men were nothing if not thorough. Sebastian has yet to find a square inch of Stefano’s body that hasn’t been cut or burned or beaten.

　

"You didn’t see if any of these guys had a key of some kind, did you?" Sebastian asks, turning his attention to Stefano’s other foot and beginning to apply the gel.

　

"No," Stefano answers. His foot twitches a little as Sebastian finishes with the gel, and Sebastian finds himself wondering if Stefano is ticklish, even though this is obviously the wrong time to investigate that and there is no reason for him to be having that thought at all. Sebastian moves up Stefano’s leg as Stefano continues, "I am not even sure that door has a key. It’s possible that they only open when Theodore permits them to."

　

"Figures," Sebastian says, his gel-covered fingers tracing gently over a cut on Stefano’s calf. "I’ll look into it in a few minutes. What about the other force you mentioned in the theatre?"

　

"That is a topic of great interest to me," Stefano replies. "I have been… aware of that force for some time, though I am not sure I can identify it in any way that will help you find Lily."

　

"What do you know about it?" Sebastian asks, as his hands travel over Stefano’s left thigh.

　

"I had been seeing these things around Union- exhibits, you might call them. Preserved in wax in their death throes, they waited for me in the streets." Stefano is starting to sound much more like himself, or at least, the Stefano that Sebastian met at City Hall. "I brought some of them back to my gallery to display, but there were so many more."

　

"And that wasn’t Theodore’s work?" Sebastian asks, spreading gel onto the crease of Stefano’s hip.

　

"No," Stefano answers. "Theodore’s work has more of a medieval fire motif." He gestures to the room around them. "This was unlike anything I have seen in Union before."

　

Sebastian pauses in his work, thinks hard on this, and tries to remember everything he can from the theatre. He wasn’t aware of Theodore being there at all, but he could swear that Myra was there somehow. Is it possible that she is the other force Stefano is talking about?

　

He realizes that he’s been lost in thought for several seconds with his hand just resting on Stefano’s now-healed hip. Stefano isn’t protesting though, just looking calmly at Sebastian through a still slightly-squinted eye. Stefano really does seem much calmer now that he can see, even though he must still be in pain. Unfortunately, the only areas still left to be healed on to front of Stefano’s body are some rather intimate places. Sebastian hopes that Stefano’s new found sense of calm will carry him through this as well.

　

"Is it alright if I…" Sebastian gestures towards Stefano’s cock. He’s not particularly shy himself, but he doesn’t want to say or do anything to make Stefano self-conscious again.

　

"I suppose, if you must," Stefano answers, not sounding especially eager.

　

"Are you strong enough to do it yourself?" Sebastian asks.

　

Stefano pauses for a moment, takes a deep breath, and answers, "No."

　

"Then let me help you," Sebastian says.

　

Stefano nods in response, but his hands tighten into fists by his sides and he redirects his gaze to the ceiling. Sebastian gathers some gel onto his fingers and trails them carefully along Stefano’s cock. The cuts here are small, precise, likely intended to instill fear and a sense of vulnerability, but not to do any real physical damage. Stefano is breathing faster as Sebastian takes him fully into his hands, making sure to coat all sides with the gel. Luckily none of the cuts are deep and a few seconds later, he’s releasing Stefano’s cock and considering his balls.

　

The damage here seems to be more blunt force trauma, and Sebastian doesn’t really want to think about how much force would be required to cause the degree of bruising and swelling he’s looking at. Stefano may be his enemy, but Sebastian is still a man, and just looking at Stefano in this condition elicits a twinge of sympathy.

　

Sebastian scoops up more gel, coating his hands thoroughly, because he’s pretty sure that any kind of contact at all is going to be very unpleasant for Stefano and the sooner the gel gets to work, the better. He carefully cradles Stefano’s balls in his hands, but even the first touch causes Stefano to go rigid, uttering a breathless cry.

　

"I’m sorry," Sebastian says quietly. "Just give it a second to work." He moves his hands gingerly, spreading the gel with the lightest of touches, and within a few seconds, the discoloration is fading and the swelling is going down, and Stefano seems to be relaxing slightly. Sebastian applies a little more gel for good measure, then sits back to look Stefano over, seeing no more visible wounds or burns on his front.

　

"Can I take a look at your back?" Sebastian asks. "Or did I miss something?"

　

"Under my hair, I think," Stefano replies. "At least, I’m very sore there."

　

Sebastian shifts himself and the jar of green gel up to Stefano’s head. Stefano keeps his gaze trained on the ceiling as Sebastian carefully parts his hair, revealing yet another wound. He gathers some gel on his fingers, massaging it gently into Stefano’s scalp, all the while being bizarrely reminded of when he used to wash Lily’s hair for her. That’s probably the last time he’s worked his fingers into someone’s hair like this, and the memory hits him hard, makes him falter for a moment as he remembers the smell of Lily’s shampoo and their warm, cozy bathroom at home. It feels like he’s remembering someone else’s life.

　

"Sebastian?" Stefano’s voice brings him back to his senses, and he continues to apply the gel, treating all of the head wounds he can find.

　

"Alright," Sebastian says when he’s finished. "Can you turn over?"

　

Stefano looks like he would just as soon not turn his back on Sebastian right now, but he complies, uttering a few soft grunts of exertion as he rolls onto his stomach, head turned toward the wall and away from Sebastian.

　

Stefano’s back is a mess of raw, oozing welts, and Sebastian can only imagine that this was done with a whip or belt or leather strap of some kind. He begins at Stefano’s shoulders, smearing the gel liberally over his whole back and working his way down. Stefano does make a few noises- gasps or moans or quiet curses- as Sebastian touches some places, but for the most part, he’s still and relatively quiet, and soon Sebastian is rubbing the gel into his ass and the backs of his thighs.

　

Sebastian is fairly confident now that all that remains is to treat Stefano’s poor, abused hole, which is still slowly leaking blood, so he leaves his hand resting on Stefano’s upper thigh for a moment and tries to frame the question in a way that won’t upset Stefano.

　

"I think that’s all of the surface wounds," he says gently, "but you’re still bleeding on the inside." Stefano tenses a little at that, but Sebastian continues. "Will you let me help you?"

　

Stefano is quiet for a few moments. "What exactly are you proposing?" he asks.

　

"Let me apply some of the gel internally," Sebastian says, looking around the room to see if there is some kind of smaller instrument he could use to insert the gel, something that will reach far enough to treat the damage. "If I can just find something to-"

　

"No." Stefano cuts him off, and even in that single syllable, Sebastian can hear his voice shaking. "No, you can’t…"

　

Sebastian waits to see if Stefano is going to finish his sentence, but he doesn’t say anything more. His body is trembling now under Sebastian’s hand, but he is tolerating Sebastian’s hand on him, which gives Sebastian an idea.

　

"What if I just use my finger?" Sebastian asks. Stefano is quiet, so Sebastian continues. "My fingers have been all over your body already, and I don’t think I’ve hurt you any more than necessary."  Sebastian isn't sure that his finger will reach far enough to do the job thoroughly, but it's surely better than nothing.

　

Stefano takes a deep, shaky breath and lets it out. "Very well," he says, "you may try, but only with your finger, please."

　

"Okay," Sebastian says, "tell me if it’s too much." He dips his index finger into the gel, coating it liberally. With his other hand, he carefully spreads Stefano open, feels Stefano tense up under his hand.

　

"Relax," Sebastian murmurs. "I’m not going to hurt you." He brings his finger, slick with gel, to Stefano’s opening and rubs lightly against it, letting Stefano adjust to being touched there, hating that he has to do this because he’s sure it’s bringing back horrible memories for Stefano. Stefano’s breathing has accelerated, and he is still trembling. Sebastian can see that his left eye is shut tightly.

　

"Going to go nice and slow," Sebastian says. "Deep breath." He waits for Stefano to breathe in, then counts to three again and starts to slide his finger into Stefano’s body. Stefano clenches down on him almost immediately.

　

"You’re alright," Sebastian says. "Try to relax." He continues to press forward carefully, as Stefano whines in protest. Once his finger is fully inserted, Sebastian makes small circular motions, trying to spread the gel onto Stefano’s inner walls.

　

"You’re doing great," Sebastian says softly. Stefano doesn’t feel as tight around him now, and Sebastian is encouraged that maybe it’s not hurting as much, that maybe he is doing some good. He slides his finger out a bit, uses his other hand to drip more gel onto it, and presses slowly back in, moving it around to distribute the gel. He’s absorbed in his task and thinking that he must be close to finished, when Stefano makes a terrible, broken sort of sobbing sound, and Sebastian freezes.

　

"Stefano?"

　

Stefano sniffs and attempts to wave his hand at Sebastian in what would be a dismissive gesture if he was capable of lifting it more than a few inches off the mattress. "It’s nothing," he gasps out.

　

"It doesn’t sound like it’s nothing," Sebastian replies.

　

"I just wasn’t expecting…" Stefano begins. "Why are you being so gentle? Why are you even helping me at all? I’ve told you what I know already."

　

Sebastian thinks on that for a few moments. It’s a question that has been on his mind since the beginning of this encounter. He wanted answers from Stefano certainly, but from the beginning there’s been something else. His own ingrained moral code doesn’t permit torture, especially this kind of endless, senseless infliction of suffering.

　

"No one deserves to be treated like this," Sebastian answers finally. Stefano opens his mouth, but Sebastian cuts him off. "No one."

　

Now that Stefano seems to be more in control of himself, Sebastian finishes spreading the gel inside him and carefully slips his finger out of Stefano’s body. Aside from his right eye, which Sebastian assumes is beyond the gel’s power to cure, Stefano seems to be whole again, though still shivering almost continuously now. Sebastian also isn’t sure if there are any more internal injuries or areas he’s missed, so he reaches for the syringe on his belt.

　

"Almost done," he tells Stefano. "Just need to give you this shot." He places his free hand on the right cheek of Stefano’s ass, so that he knows where to expect to feel the needle stick. Stefano nods, and Sebastian sinks the needle deep into the muscle and depresses the plunger. Stefano doesn’t even flinch, which isn’t really surprising since this probably pales in comparison to everything else that has happened to him today. What’s a little more surprising is that he doesn’t question the wisdom of begin injected with mystery fluid from a syringe Sebastian has been carrying around with him.

　

"I think that’s everything," Sebastian says, starting to get up.

　

"Wait," Stefano says sharply. He rolls onto his back with only a slight wince this time. "Where is the gel?"

　

Sebastian reaches down onto the floor and picks up the jar, which still has a bit left in it. He sets it on the bed beside Stefano, assuming that Stefano is going to use it to treat a wound that Sebastian has missed.

　

"Come here," Stefano says, and though Sebastian doesn’t know why Stefano is requesting this of him, he scoots up the bed until he’s sitting by Stefano’s elbow.

　

Stefano dips the fingers of his right hand into the gel, then sits up slightly, reaching for Sebastian. Sebastian’s first instinct is to withdraw, to put distance between himself and the man who may still be his enemy, but he reminds himself of how weak Stefano is right now and how unlikely it is that Stefano can actually hurt him, and he holds his position.

　

Stefano’s gel-covered fingers brush along the skin next to Sebastian’s left eye, and suddenly Sebastian is feeling the tingling sensation for himself, feeling his flesh knitting itself back together, and he has to think about what’s happening for a moment, because it’s been so many hours since City Hall, since Stefano dragged that knife along his face, slicing him open, claiming Sebastian as his art.

　

And now it seems that Stefano is healing him. It’s not an apology. They are both probably very far away from being able to give any kind of meaningful apology for everything that’s passed between them, but it is a peace offering. It intrigues Sebastian, because didn’t Hoffman say that psychopaths don’t feel sympathy for others?

　

Stefano is looking steadily at him, though he is still shivering and his eyelid is starting to droop.

　

"You need to rest," Sebastian says.

　

"I need to get off of this filthy mattress," Stefano replies, but Sebastian can tell by his voice that the exhaustion is starting to set in.

　

"Hold on," Sebastian says. He stands up from the bed and goes to check the door again, just in case, but it is still securely locked. He scans the room on his way back to the bed and manages to locate Stefano’s clothes strewn across the floor, but there is nothing else of use except the knife he removed from Stefano, which means that they are basically back to Sebastian’s Plan A, which is to wait for someone to open the door, stab that person in the face, and then escape.

　

They might be waiting for a while though, and Sebastian’s room does have a cleaner mattress and less dead bodies, which will certainly attract attention once they are discovered. For that matter, Sebastian isn’t sure how long they have before someone notices that these three men are missing and comes to investigate.

　

"Stefano, are you strong enough to come into the next room with me?" Sebastian asks.

　

"I’m not sure," Stefano answers, "but I will try. Please do not leave me here." Stefano’s voice is calm on the surface, but there is an underlying note of desperation that Sebastian can’t ignore.

　

"I’ll help you," Sebastian says, returning to the bed and taking Stefano’s arms, helping him to sit up. Sebastian slings Stefano’s arm over his shoulders and they shuffle over to the hole in the wall. This is the tricky part, but Stefano manages to support himself long enough to crawl through, and then Sebastian is able to lift him up and carry him to the bed in Sebastian’s own cell.

　

Sebastian slips back through the hole to collect Stefano’s clothes, the extra knife, and one torch, which he thinks may come in handy later. Then, back in his cell, he rearranges the boxes to cover the hole. His hope is that Stefano’s cell will be investigated first, and that this will make enough noise to alert him and give him time to get into position to attack whoever comes through his door.

　

"Do you want to put your clothes on?" Sebastian asks Stefano.

　

"Can’t right now," Stefano answers. He sounds barely awake, speaking in a soft voice between deep, slow breaths.

　

Sebastian sets Stefano’s clothes down on one of the boxes, then turns his mind to figuring out what exactly he’s going to do with Stefano himself. Clearly Stefano knows more about this Father Theodore than Sebastian does, which could be extremely helpful if Sebastian has to confront Theodore. And it now seems almost certain that Sebastian will have to take on Theodore at some point. Stefano is also a certified psychopath who kidnapped his daughter, never mind that Mobius kidnapped her first. Finally, Sebastian’s not one to be sentimental, but Stefano has endured more suffering than any person should ever have to, and he seems to be somewhat subdued. Sebastian can’t be sure that things won’t go back to normal when he’s feeling better, but at least for the moment, Stefano seems significantly less dangerous than he was before.

　

Sebastian realizes he’s been pacing as he thinks when Stefano speaks.

　

"Come and lie down," Stefano says, his words slow and a bit slurred. "You won’t be any good to Lily if you’re too exhausted to save her."

　

Stefano does have a point, and as Sebastian moves closer to the bed, he can see that Stefano is starting to shake even harder now. His body temperature is probably dropping due to shock. It’s actually impressive that Stefano has held out this long. Sebastian finds an old threadbare blanket wadded up at the foot of the bed and throws it over Stefano, then lies down himself on top of it.

　

Stefano pulls the blanket tightly around himself, but after a few minutes, he is still shaking so hard the mattress is vibrating.

　

"Come here," Sebastian says. He can’t even explain why he’s doing it, except that Stefano is just so beaten down that denying him any sort of comfort at this point seems inhumane. Stefano scoots closer to Sebastian and presses his body up against him. He still shivers for a few more minutes, but soon after that he’s still and breathing deeply.

　

Sebastian can’t sleep himself, but it is nice to lie down and close his eyes. He waits for some sign of movement in the hallway or in the next room, for a chance to fight his way closer to Lily. Maybe, just maybe, if Stefano doesn’t stab him in the back, they can get to Lily in time.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Would you be interested in hearing my plan?” he tries not to sound too smug, though it’s difficult when Sebastian has overlooked the most obvious potential solution to this problem of theirs.
> 
> “I’m all ears,” Sebastian snaps, throwing his arms out to his sides but keeping his back to Stefano.
> 
> “Let me open it,” Stefano replies simply, shrugging his jacket onto his shoulders and buttoning it. “Let me phase out into the hallway and open it.”
> 
> “What?” Sebastian almost shouts, turning to face Stefano, who fortunately is now well-covered enough that he doesn’t mind. “You mean you could have done that this whole time?”

 

 

Stefano becomes aware of the cold and the dark all at once, but he feels like he’s been in this place for a long time. He shivers, tries to wrap his arms around himself, but they are bound over his head. He twists, strains against his bonds, tries to jerk his hands free, but it’s a wasted effort.

　

"No sense in struggling." The voice is in the darkness all around him, sharp, cold, and almost inhuman.

　

"Wha-" And suddenly, Stefano is gagging, choking on his own blood, feeling the panic rising up in his chest as he tries to ask- What do you want? But he can’t produce any sound beyond coughing and gurgling, and there are rough hands on his body, pinning him down, immobilizing him even as he struggles with all his strength.

　

Then the sharp voice is right in his ear, "Scream for me."

　

Stefano jerks awake with a shout, twisting away from the hands that he can still feel on his body. His heart is racing and he is gasping for breath as the world around him comes back into focus and he remembers where he is, on a shabby mattress in a prison cell. The hands on his shoulders are Sebastian’s, and they are large and warm, and most importantly not restraining him, and Stefano takes a deep breath, brings his hands up to rub at his face, and tries to collect himself.

　

His brain is flooded with jumbled images and sounds and sensations, both from the hours of pain and fear and desperation and from the time spent in Sebastian’s surprisingly tender care, and all of them are swirling violently inside of him until Sebastian’s voice breaks through.

　

"You’re alright now. It’s over," Sebastian murmurs, squeezing his shoulders slightly. Stefano focuses on his voice, breathes deeply, and lowers his hands. For the first time in hours, his vision is clear and unobstructed. He pauses to take in the room around him, or what he can see from his current vantage point, which is limited to the rough stone walls softly illuminated by a single torch, and Sebastian’s face, largely in shadow, but staring at him intently. Then his other senses intrude, and he is forced to acknowledge the fact that his whole body is throbbing with a dull ache, that he is completely nude under a rough-textured blanket, and that something smells strongly of blood and vomit. He has a sinking feeling that it’s him.

　

"How long have I been asleep?" he asks. His voice is still a little hoarse, but he’s relieved to be able to speak at all after his nightmare.

　

"A few hours, I think," Sebastian answers, releasing Stefano’s shoulders. "How are you feeling?"

　

"Quite sore, I’m afraid," Stefano says, "but certainly better than earlier." He pauses. "Thank you for that."

　

"It’s nothing," Sebastian says quickly. Stefano considers pointing out that restoring him to his current state required no small investment of time and effort on Sebastian’s part, but decides that if Sebastian doesn’t want to dwell on that, he won’t press the issue. Stefano stretches, taking note of a few more stiff joints and sore places, but the way the blanket rubs against him also reminds him of his own nakedness.

　

"Do you have my clothes?" he asks Sebastian.

　

"Yeah, I do." Sebastian rolls over, stands up, and retrieves Stefano’s clothes from a large wooden crate across from the bed. He sets them down on the bed next to Stefano. "Do you need help-"

　

"I can manage," Stefano interrupts. He knows that he is probably coming off as a little rude, but he’s been so exposed to Sebastian already, so vulnerable, that it’s too much. Sebastian is in too deep, and Stefano needs to claim some of his mind and his body for himself again.

　

"Fine," Sebastian says mildly. He turns and takes a few steps toward the door of the cell, standing with his back to Stefano.

　

Stefano does appreciate Sebastian’s consideration in not watching him dress. Even though Sebastian has seen every inch of his body, Stefano doesn’t feel like he could stand to be naked in front of him at the moment. He shifts over to the edge of the bed and sits up tentatively, waiting to see if his stomach is going to tolerate this sort of moving around. He doesn’t feel the urge to vomit, though his stomach muscles, still sore from the violent heaving earlier, protest the change in position. A few seconds later, he is attempting to stand with no small amount of trepidation, but his legs support him, and he’s only swaying slightly as he reaches for his clothes.

　

"Do you have a plan to escape this place?" he asks Sebastian as he carefully steps into his briefs and pulls them on.

　

"More or less," answers Sebastian without turning around.

　

"And what does that mean exactly?" Stefano slips his arms into his dress shirt and tries to roll some of the soreness out of his shoulders before he begins to work on the buttons.

　

"That I know what I’m going to do when someone opens this door," Sebastian answers.

　

"But you have no idea how or when that might happen," Stefano says. It’s not a question. He’s sure that Sebastian doesn’t know, because even Stefano doesn’t fully understand the conditions under which these doors are opened. He doesn’t know whether anyone will be concerned that his tormentors haven’t returned from his cell or whether anything else is planned for Sebastian or himself in the short term. But he does know that someone has to open that door from the other side.

　

"No, I don’t know that," Sebastian says, his voice rising in irritation.

　

Stefano lets Sebastian’s outburst hang in the air between them for a few seconds as he steps into his pants, taking care not to lose his balance. He pulls them up, fastens them, and reaches for his jacket before he speaks.

　

"Would you be interested in hearing my plan?" he tries not to sound too smug, though it’s difficult when Sebastian has overlooked the most obvious potential solution to this problem of theirs.

　

"I’m all ears," Sebastian snaps, throwing his arms out to his sides but keeping his back to Stefano.

　

"Let me open it," Stefano replies simply, shrugging his jacket onto his shoulders and buttoning it. "Let me phase out into the hallway and open it."

　

"What?" Sebastian almost shouts, turning to face Stefano, who fortunately is now well-covered enough that he doesn’t mind. "You mean you could have done that this whole time?"

　

"Certainly not," Stefano says as he takes his scarf from the bed and settles it into place around his neck. He pulls on his red gloves and relishes the sense of comfort and confidence that comes from being fully dressed once again. "I was in no condition to attempt anything of the sort."

　

"But you are now?" Sebastian presses. His frustration seems to be giving way to genuine interest. "I thought you said that Theodore controlled your abilities?"

　

"Not exactly," Stefano replies, seating himself on the edge of the bed, since it seems like this may require some explanation. Like every other move he makes, sitting is uncomfortable, but not unbearably so. "Theodore taught me how to manipulate the matter and space of Union, how to shape it to express my vision, but he did not bestow that power upon me. According to him, all of us in Union are able to do it to some extent."

　

"What do you mean?" Sebastian asks, walking over to the wooden crates and sitting down on one of them, never taking his eyes off Stefano.

　

"Think for a moment," Stefano says. "As you’ve been searching for Lily, have you ever found something that benefited you? Something that had no reason to be where it was?"

　

"Yeah, I have actually," Sebastian answers.

　

"And have you ever travelled, of your own volition, between two places with no discernible spatial connection?" Stefano asks.

　

Sebastian seems to think this one over for a few seconds. Stefano can’t be sure whether Sebastian is trying to come to terms with some past experience or whether he explained it using words that are outside of Sebastian’s vocabulary. Sebastian may have a mind for strategy and a surprising degree of common sense, and in fact, Stefano has observed those qualities himself, but he doesn’t strike Stefano as a scholar.

　

"Yes, that too," Sebastian answers finally.

　

"Then you are probably doing it as well," Stefano says simply. "Though perhaps without the degree of conscious control that some of us are able to exert."

　

Sebastian frowns. "Alright then, let’s see it."

　

Stefano rises to his feet, concentrates on a spot about four feet away, and hopes sincerely that he is not overstating his current abilities, because if he fails at this, he is sure Sebastian will never let him hear the end of it. Certainly without the power of the Core, his own powers are greatly diminished, but he should still be capable of this.

　

He closes his eye and visualizes the room around them as a flat surface, a blank canvas in space. He locates the point where he is standing and the point where he wants to travel, mentally folds the space onto itself, bringing the two points into direct contact, and takes a step. There is a brief sensation of weightlessness, a flash of blue light, and he is in the other spot. Stefano turns to Sebastian and makes a sweeping gesture with his hands. "Voila," he says matter-of-factly.

　

"Hate to be the one to point this out, but you’re still on this side of the door," Sebastian says.

　

Stefano shakes his head in disbelief and makes a mental note that it is a complete waste of his time to try to impress Sebastian. Short of producing Lily out of thin air, he doubts that anything he could do would make much of an impression.

　

"It’s much harder to go through walls, I’ll have you know," Stefano counters. "That was simply the dress rehearsal."

　

"If you say so," Sebastian replies. "But can we get to the actual performance now? I can’t sit here anymore knowing that Lily’s out there." Sebastian gestures at the door then looks at Stefano with an expression that is right on the line between imploring and threatening.

　

While Stefano is getting a little tired of hearing about Lily every five minutes, Sebastian’s single-minded determination to rescue her is one of the things that Stefano grudgingly admires about Sebastian. Humans, in Stefano’s experience, are fickle creatures and loyalty- true, unfaltering loyalty- is such a rare quality that Sebastian is quite a curiosity to him.

　

He remembers suddenly that he had a nice exhibit hall prepared for Sebastian before the debacle in the theatre. He had planned to preserve Sebastian in his final moments for all eternity, so that he could revisit him as much as he liked. What emotions would have flashed across his face as he realized that his life was ending? Fear? Rage? Regret that he had failed to save his daughter?

　

It’s not just the blood and gore that appeal to Stefano when he views the last moments of someone’s life. It’s the true, honest, unfiltered emotions that he can read on their faces when they have no reason to lie anymore. Stefano has seen enough pretense and falsity and ‘keeping up appearances’ to last a lifetime, reporters who smile and flatter him to his face then stab him in the back in their reviews, ‘friends’ who "Ooh" and "Ah" over his work when he first displays it for them but then are mysteriously never able to come to any more of his events, people who said they would protect him but-. He stops himself. He doesn’t want to dwell on that particular memory just now.

　

He would have liked to watch Sebastian’s life end over and over again, but in a way, he doesn’t regret that it turned out differently. Live Sebastian is a fascinating creature to study as well, in part because he is so guileless. Sebastian wears his heart on his sleeve and seems to know little of subtlety, and as far as Stefano can tell, it’s not an act. Every word, every action has a raw, rough honesty to it, and while it makes Sebastian somewhat abrasive to be around, it is quite a refreshing change for Stefano.

　

"Hey," Sebastian snaps his fingers a few times in Stefano’s general direction, and Stefano realizes that he’s been lost in thought for several seconds. "Let’s get going."

　

"Very well," says Stefano. "But I make no promises about what may be out there. Are you armed?"

　

"Only with this," Sebastian gestures to the knife in his holster. Then his expression changes and he quickly turns back to the crates, picking up another knife.

　

"Please don’t make me regret this," Sebastian says, handing the knife to Stefano, who takes it with no small amount of surprise that Sebastian is willing to trust him with his weapon of choice. Of course, this isn’t his weapon of choice per se. His own knife is much more impressive and elegant than this one, but it does feel good to hold a knife again. Stefano balances it on his hand, judging the weight and the feel of it, as Sebastian grabs the torch from the wall.

　

"We may both regret this within the hour," Stefano says, leveling his gaze at Sebastian. Even though he has given Sebastian some information, he is sure that Sebastian doesn’t fully appreciate the scope of Theodore’s power or his skill in manipulating the minds of those around him.

　

Stefano turns to the door, and this time, traveling seems more natural, more fluid, and the weightless feeling comes with a thrill of excitement at being back in control of something, even if it is just a small step through space.

　

When he reappears in the hallway, he briefly considers pretending to leave, just to tease Sebastian from the safety of the opposite side of a sturdy wooden door, but decides that, since he will almost certainly need Sebastian’s assistance to escape this place, it is probably wise not to make him angry. He takes hold of the heavy deadbolt on the outside of the door, gives it a hard yank, and is relieved when it actually slides open. Up until this point, he was seriously considering the possibility that these doors were entirely controlled by Theodore’s mind somehow.

　

He just has time to step out of the way before Sebastian bursts out of the door like he’s been fired from a cannon. Stefano catches the door before it slams against the wall, because he’s just seen something that may present a problem for them. He holds one finger to his lips and uses his knife to point down the hall at a thick iron gate separating the narrow hallway they are in from a larger open area. Beyond the gate, several of the stupid, zombie-like creatures he’s seen around Union are stumbling about, groaning and wailing and gnashing their teeth at each other. They don’t seem to be aware of Sebastian and Stefano yet, and it’s probably to their advantage to keep it that way. They seem to be safely confined by the gate at the moment, but that could easily change.

　

Sebastian follows Stefano’s gaze, nods once at him, and sets off down the hallway in the other direction, torch in one hand and knife in the other. Stefano glances back over his shoulder, then turns to follow Sebastian.

　

They make it to the next set of cell doors before Sebastian holds up a hand to stop him. Sebastian holds the torch up to the small window in the door on the left for a moment before he quietly opens it. Stefano takes the door, holding it so that it doesn’t slam on the wall or somehow lock Sebastian in the cell, and watches as Sebastian cautiously approaches a figure lying on the ground. This man is in tactical gear and uniform, which doesn’t surprise Stefano, because he’s seen quite a few people in such attire around Union recently, though he’s not sure how one made it into Theodore’s dungeon.

　

Sebastian crouches down and removes a pistol from the dead man’s hand. The tension in the air is palpable as he stands up and slowly backs away from the body, but there is no movement that Stefano can detect. When Sebastian is back in the hallway, Stefano carefully closes the door and they breathe a collective sigh of relief.

　

None of the other cells hold anything of interest, and they soon arrive at the other end of the hallway. Sebastian quietly opens the door into a small room that is empty except for a ladder descending into a hole in the floor. As Sebastian eases the door closed behind them, Stefano peers down into the hole. He can’t see the bottom.

　

"Well, I guess we go down," Sebastian says with a shrug as he considers the ladder.

　

"Certainly, if you wish to descend to the next circle of hell," Stefano says, a bit incredulous that Sebastian thinks this is a good idea.

　

"I’m going," Sebastian says flatly. "You can come or not."

　

"Fine," Stefano sighs. "After you." Descending any further seems a dubious proposal, since they already seem to be underground, but with his powers limited and armed with only a substandard knife, he’s not about to let Sebastian leave him behind. He watches as Sebastian descends the ladder until he disappears into the darkness, then begins to climb down it himself.

　

He can hear Sebastian working his way down the rungs ahead of him, and they’ve been at it for several seconds when the ladder begins to creak and sway. Stefano can’t be sure whether it’s their combined weight on an old wooden ladder or some darker influence, but he’s sure that it’s about to collapse entirely. He looks over his shoulder at Sebastian below him just as Sebastian swears and drops the torch. It continues to fall, hits the ground, and is extinguished almost immediately, but that doesn’t matter, because now Stefano knows where the floor is.

　

Stefano visualizes the point in space where the torch landed, steps backward off the ladder, and transports himself effortlessly to the ground.  A second later, Sebastian lands hard beside him. Sebastian staggers and drops to one knee, breathing heavily.

　

Stefano simply waits for Sebastian to collect himself. He hasn’t heard the telltale snapping of bones, nor can he detect the scent of fresh blood, so he’s confident Sebastian isn’t really hurt. As predicted, Sebastian is back on his feet within seconds, fixing Stefano with a look that is only a few degrees cooler than a scorching glare.

　

"Pretty neat ability you have there," Sebastian comments, scanning the room with his eyes before turning to the only exit, which leads down a long hallway.

　

"I do find it quite useful," Stefano replies, pleased that Sebastian seems to recognize that he can do something useful, even if Sebastian’s tone is less than complimentary.

　

Sebastian starts to walk down the hallway, and Stefano follows. Almost immediately, the walls and the floor and the ceiling begin to take on a surreal, blurred look and Theodore’s voice booms out all around them but also feels like it might just be echoing inside his own head. Even his disembodied voice makes Stefano shiver.

　

"You never had anything to lose, Stefano. Never had anyone. No one will appreciate you. No one will accept you. Except me."

　

Stefano feels the floor shudder under him a split second before the gravity in the hallway changes completely. This isn’t the first time Theodore has used this particular trick on him, so as soon as Stefano establishes which way is down now, he phases smoothly to the new floor, stepping out of the way of Sebastian, who is tumbling violently down the hallway.

　

Loathe as he is to admit it, Stefano flinches a little in sympathy when Sebastian slams into the wall-turned-floor of the small ladder room. He doesn’t know why Sebastian’s pain matters to him, because no one’s pain but his own has mattered for a long time, but he is struck with a distinctly unpleasant feeling when Sebastian hits the ground, and he crouches down beside him and places a hand on his shoulder as Sebastian lifts himself up to his hands and knees, coughing hard.

　

"Theodore loves doing that," Stefano says, by way of explanation, as Sebastian frowns at the floor and the walls as though he can’t quite figure out what just happened. Then suddenly Sebastian is staring hard at the wall behind Stefano, his mouth slightly open and his eyes tracking back and forth as though he’s reading something. Stefano turns to look behind him and slowly stands up without taking his eye off the wall.

　

Huge, red-painted letters spell out messages on the stone wall: "Philistine", "Failure", "No Talent", "No Vision". He vividly recalls reading the reviews in the newspaper. He turns to the next wall: "Nothing to Contribute", "Mediocre", "Derivative". He can still hear the voices of the critics at his gallery opening. He turns to the third wall, though he already knows what to expect: "Give Up", "It’s Over", "No One Knows You Exist". There is a cold feeling in his chest, and just for a second, he feels like maybe it really is over.

　

He turns to the fourth wall to see that it has opened up into a vast black area. The floor is smooth, with a mirror-like sheen, almost as though it is covered in water. Stefano remembers that he is in Theodore’s domain, remembers Theodore’s mind games, and steels himself against the small voice in the back of his head telling him that it’s time to give up. _Lies, all lies_. He turns back to Sebastian.

　

The way Sebastian is staring at the walls in horror confirms Stefano’s suspicion that this is a mind game, and one that is tailored to the viewer, because clearly Sebastian would not be reacting this way if he had read what Stefano just read. Sebastian must have his own messages of despair, probably something about Lily, and they seem to be serving their purpose in Sebastian’s case.

　

Stefano lets Sebastian take a good long look at each wall before he steps toward him and places a hand on his shoulder again. "Don’t listen. He’s trying to get inside your head. None of this is true."

　

"I know," Sebastian says, a frantic energy rising in his voice. "I know. I just-". He pulls away from Stefano with a cry of rage and slams his fist into one of the walls. This accomplishes nothing, and Sebastian steps back shaking his hand and muttering, "Fuck," under his breath.

　

Stefano can’t blame him. Even though he knows exactly what Theodore is doing, it hurts. It hurts because Theodore isn’t the first one to say those things to him, because sometimes he says them to himself, and because sometimes he actually believes them to be true. And he is sure that it’s hurting Sebastian in the same way.

　

After a few seconds, Sebastian looks back at Stefano. "I’m ready," he says. "Let’s go."

　

"Stay close to me," Stefano warns. "He’s already sending us separate messages. He can probably transport us to different places if he wants to."

　

Sebastian nods. "Try to keep up then."

　

Stefano follows Sebastian out onto the smooth black surface beyond the room with the hateful writing on the walls, and almost immediately a house appears in the distance. It’s not a house Stefano has ever seen before, but Sebastian seems to perk up when he sees it and increases his pace to a jog, which means that Stefano is running to keep up with him.

　

When the girl- when Lily, he mentally correctly himself- appears a few meters in front of them, Sebastian breaks into a sprint and Stefano is in danger of being left behind until a wall of fire springs up between Sebastian and Lily. Sebastian skids to a stop, hesitates for split second, and then, to Stefano’s utter shock, launches himself forward into the flames. This is clearly an insane thing to do, but Stefano doesn’t have any time to reflect on it before Sebastian is abruptly halted in mid-air by a thick hand around his throat. The creature holding Sebastian, which Stefano quickly recognizes as one of Theodore’s fire disciples, throws Sebastian backward into Stefano, and they both tumble to the floor in a disorganized heap.

　

Even as he is struggling to get out from under Sebastian, Stefano can see the room around them changing into a torch-lit stone crypt. There are three fire disciples advancing on them, and Stefano’s stomach flips over because he and Sebastian are armed with two knives and a pistol, and these are formidable foes. He is on his feet behind Sebastian, but he is also seconds away from being killed or worse, recaptured by Theodore, and who knows what sort of horrible fate they will have in store for him this time. He shouldn’t have tried to escape, should have just let them use his body as they wanted and then end his miserable existence.

　

Stefano knows he needs to run, to fight, to do something, but he can’t convince his feet to move, and in the next second, Sebastian is throwing a shoulder into his chest, shoving him against the wall behind him.

　

"Stay back!" Sebastian says, pistol already in his hand. He pivots to face the first oncoming enemy and fires. It takes four headshots before the thing’s head disintegrates into a molten mess and its body crumples to the ground.

　

The second one is right behind it, and Sebastian shoots it once in the head, then kicks it in the chest, throwing it back and making them a little breathing room, which they desperately need because the third is running in from their left side, shoulder-first like it’s going to smash them flat against the stone wall. Sebastian grabs Stefano by the upper arm and yanks him out of the way as they both dodge to the other side of the room.

　

The third disciple hits the wall and seems to stun itself a little, shaking its head and staring at the wall in confusion, which gives Sebastian time to finish off the second one with a few more well-aimed headshots.

　

"Come on!" Sebastian says, grabbing Stefano by the arm again, and they both sprint further into the room. Sebastian grabs a handgun magazine off the lid of one of the large stone sarcophagi as they run by. As they dive behind one of the columns for some semblance of cover, Sebastian ejects his spent magazine and slaps the new one into place. He pivots out from behind the column, takes aim and unloads four more shots before he pauses and lowers his weapon slightly.

　

Stefano watches as Sebastian scans the room for further threats, his shoulders heaving with exertion, a thin layer of sweat visible on his face and neck. His posture reflecting a kind of relaxed intensity, a confidence that Stefano wishes he felt himself in this situation. Sebastian is clearly at home in combat, even when the odds are stacked against him and he is armed only with a pistol and a knife.

　

"You okay?" Sebastian asks, and Stefano realizes he’s probably been staring a little bit.

　

"Yes," he answers, because it would take too long to explain the emotional turmoil of the last few minutes. He was not expecting Sebastian to be so… protective? It’s a strange word for Stefano to use to describe anyone, particularly in relation to himself. But it makes sense. Sebastian is protective to a fault, as he demonstrated when he attempted to run through a wall of fire to reach Lily. Stefano reflects for a moment on what kind of person does something like that. The motivation to completely abandon one’s own safety in favor of helping someone else is so foreign to him that he turns it over and over in his mind, but can make no sense of it.

　

"Sorry for manhandling you," Sebastian says. "Just didn’t think it would be a good idea to try to fight these guys with a knife."

　

"It’s quite alright," Stefano replies. While he does feel more wary of being touched in general, in the heat of the moment and the adrenaline rush of trying to survive the encounter, the physical contact Sebastian initiated to move him around the room didn’t register as unpleasant. It also more than likely saved his life, but Stefano isn’t feeling saccharine enough at this moment to actually thank Sebastian.

　

Sebastian has already begun to search the room, scavenging supplies from the small alcoves. Stefano also moves around the room, but it is to take in the sight of the disciples, Theodore’s servants, lying on the floor in vaguely human-shaped piles of molten rock. It fills him with a kind of perverse joy to see them twisted and broken and defeated, and for the first time in several hours, he longs for his camera.

　

Finally, as if by some sort of unspoken agreement, he and Sebastian work their way up to the altar at the back of the room, and Stefano shudders at Theodore’s voice in his ears again.

　

"You disobeyed me. You allowed the Core to fall into the hands of another. And for that, you were punished. But all is not lost. You can still serve me. You can redeem yourself. You can kill Sebastian Castellanos."

　

Sebastian doesn’t display a particularly strong reaction to this pronouncement, so Stefano deduces that once again, they must be hearing two different things. He doesn’t have time to pursue this thought, because the wall in front of them breaks open to reveal another chamber behind it, and Sebastian immediately walks forward into the new area. Stefano follows, turning Theodore’s words over in his mind.

　

It takes only a moment of reflection to realize that this is not a difficult choice. His tenuous loyalty to Theodore, however it began, is now based solely on fear, on the belief that Theodore can truly make his life hell if he does not obey. But who is to say that Theodore won’t make his life hell either way? Theodore has fed him nothing but lies from the day that they met. In a world full of liars, Theodore is their king. And he is dangerous because he is compelling even in his lies.

　

There is nothing left in Theodore’s world for Stefano, and in Union, there is no world but Theodore’s. His only chance at having any kind of life, in Union or anywhere else, is to eliminate Theodore. And his best chance of that is to ally himself with Sebastian, so killing Sebastian is effectively off the table.

　

Stefano jumps down from a small ledge, landing next to Sebastian, who is looking at a mirror on the wall in an alcove off the hallway. As Sebastian takes a step closer, the mirror breaks, seemingly on its own.

　

Sebastian looks over his shoulder at Stefano. "Wait here."

　

"Where are you going?" Stefano protests, as panic begins to well up inside him, because Sebastian sounds like he is talking about something more dramatic than stepping into the next room. "Surely, you’re not leaving me here."

　

"It’s hard to explain," Sebastian says, taking another step toward the mirror. "It’ll just be a minute."

　

Stefano lunges forward and grabs Sebastian by the arm. He’s not thinking about his dignity or his pride or anything except that Sebastian cannot leave him here because if he does, he is going to be alone in Theodore’s domain, and Theodore’s men are going to come for him, and he will be powerless to stop them from breaking his body and destroying his mind. No one will come to his rescue this time, and he will have to wait in the dark with only the pain and the fear and the sound of his own screams until Theodore sees fit to put him out of his misery. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it because it’s just too much, and he feels like he’s going to vomit all over again.

　

Sebastian turns to look at him. His face is set in a scowl, but it softens as he looks into Stefano’s eye.

　

"I’m not even sure if I can take you," Sebastian says, more gently this time. "It’s one of those weird non-spatial travelling things you talked about."

　

"Please try," Stefano says, his voice barely above a whisper. "You don’t know how it feels to be alone here."

　

Sebastian is silent for a moment, then nods. "I’ll try," he says. "But I’m not sure how this will actually work. Don’t let go of my arm."

　

Stefano tightens his grip and braces himself as Sebastian stares at the broken mirror. There’s a flash of light, and both of them are yanked forward into the void.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That is how you deal with every challenge in your life,” Theodore says, his voice taking on a fatherly warmth that makes Sebastian feel a little sick, because he knows the cruelty that Theodore is capable of. “Through brute force and intimidation.”
> 
> “Shut up!” Sebastian has heard enough and the anger is bubbling up in his throat. He’s not here to be psychoanalyzed and certainly not by some lunatic with a god complex. What happened to Stefano was on Theodore’s orders, Theodore is the one who is waylaying him in his search for Lily, and on top of that, Theodore is now trying to give him tips on conflict resolution like that stupid shrink that KCPD made him see after Beacon. “Just shut up!” Sebastian shouts. “You don’t know me!”

 

 

Sebastian raises a hand to shield his eyes from the glare as he steps forward away from the mirror. It takes him a minute to get oriented, because even though he is in his "room", he’s standing by a different mirror than usual, one that wasn’t there before. His office has also changed. There is a distinctive red lighting to everything, and crosses and candles are strewn everywhere. He has no doubt that it’s Theodore’s influence, and Theodore must be powerful if he can affect things even in Sebastian’s room. It doesn’t seem like Stefano was able to exert this much influence even when he had Lily’s power to draw on.

　

Sebastian realizes suddenly that Stefano is still clinging to his arm and turns his head to look at him. Stefano is swaying slightly on the spot, and his skin, normally pale, is now approaching a grayish-green color that Sebastian has seen before. Sebastian quickly looks around for a trash can or something, but it’s too late. Stefano is already dropping to his knees, and Sebastian can only try to support him as best he can before Stefano pitches forward onto his hands and throws up on the floor of the office.

　

Sebastian sweeps Stefano’s bangs back from his face and places a steadying hand on his back as he heaves over and over again. It’s very hard to watch Stefano struggle with his own body like this, because as far as Sebastian is concerned, he’s suffered enough already. He’s not even really producing very much at this point- just bile tinged with blood and whatever the white, gooey substance was that he was throwing up earlier in the cell. For all of his usual arrogance and bravado, Stefano looks absolutely pathetic at the moment, and Sebastian can only rub his back and try to reassure him.

　

"You’re alright," Sebastian says quietly, as Stefano retches again, his whole body shaking. "Just let it all out."

　

Stefano sits back, breathing heavily, hands braced on his knees. Sebastian releases his hair, but leaves his hand on Stefano’s back as Stefano coughs a few times and turns his head to look at Sebastian.

　

"Did the travel do that to you?" Sebastian asks.

　

Stefano nods. "Must have," he says, voice soft and a little scratchy. "Felt okay before."

　

"Sorry," Sebastian says, rubbing Stefano’s back gently. "I get a headache sometimes from the glare, but nothing like that."

　

Stefano’s body is still shaking a little under his hand, and Sebastian thinks he’d probably feel better if he got up off the floor.

　

"Can you stand?" Sebastian asks. "Can I help you to a chair?

　

Stefano nods, and Sebastian takes Stefano’s arm and supports him as he rises to a standing position. They skirt around the vomit, and Sebastian deposits Stefano in a chair in the main open part of the office. He fetches a trash can and puts it near Stefano’s feet so that if he is going to get sick again, he’ll have something to aim for. Sebastian isn’t sure if Tatiana cleans up vomit or not, but she seemed a little irritated with him the last couple of times he visited her, and he doesn’t want to push his luck, so better to keep the floors as clean as possible.

　

Stefano is staring despondently at the floor, so Sebastian crouches down to get in his line of sight.

　

"I’m going to take a quick look around," Sebastian says. Stefano starts to get up, but Sebastian places a hand on his knee to stop him. "Just stay right here. I’m not leaving the area."

　

Stefano nods, crosses his arms over his knees, and rests his head on them. He must still be feeling pretty bad, but Sebastian isn’t sure what else he can do for him at this point.

　

Sebastian stands up and does a quick survey of the main room of the office. Aside from the weird red light, the candles and crosses, and the absence of the black cat that is usually on one of the tables, it seems basically the same as before. Sebastian continues into his own office, opening the door cautiously, alert for anything out of place in the room. What he finds is a welcome surprise.

　

On his desk is his communicator and the arsenal of weapons he’s been collecting on his journey in STEM- his pistol, shotgun, sniper rifle, and crossbow are there, and he’s never been happier to see them. As he replaces them in his holsters and on his back, he glances over at the bulletin board where Kidman’s been posting information for him, and Stefano’s picture catches his eye.

　

The picture itself and the clippings on the bulletin board are unchanged, but on the table below them are Stefano’s elaborately designed knife, which Sebastian remembers all too well from their encounter in City Hall, and his camera. This is perhaps the most unusual development of all, and Sebastian can think of no reason why those items would be here. He picks them up as well, does a last visual scan of his office, and heads back into the other room.

　

Stefano is sitting up now, though he still looks very pale, and he’s staring straight ahead into empty space.

　

"Did Theodore tell you to kill me?" Stefano asks flatly as Sebastian reenters the room. His head doesn’t move.

　

"What?" Sebastian is caught off-guard at first by the question, but then replies, "Yeah, he did. In that room with the fire guys." Because Theodore did speak to him after he killed those weird, half-molten enemies. Theodore told him that Sebastian was the perfect one to join him, to help him manage his "flock", and promised to help him find Lily. But the first step was to eliminate Stefano, who had no further value to Theodore apparently.

　

"Are you going to do it?" Stefano asks. His voice is still emotionless, and he doesn’t even look over at Sebastian.

　

Sebastian doesn’t need to think about this one. "No," he answers. Theodore has proven himself to be capable of great cruelty and manipulation of people’s minds, and Sebastian trusts him about as far as he can throw him. As he’s never seen Theodore, he doesn’t know exactly how far that is, but the point remains the same. Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.

　

Stefano does look over at Sebastian then, his mouth slightly open in surprise, and Sebastian realizes he probably needs to qualify his answer. "As long as you don’t come between me and Lily," he says.

　

"Understood," Stefano says with a nod. Sebastian wonders if he really does understand, if Stefano would actually be able to pass up the opportunity to harness Lily’s power again, but neither one of them is getting any closer to Lily right now, so there’s no point in worrying about it.

　

"Look what I found," Sebastian says, holding up the camera and the knife.

　

Stefano’s face breaks into a smile, maybe the first genuine smile that Sebastian has ever seen from him. "That is exceptional, Sebastian."

　

Sebastian takes a few steps toward him before he stops suddenly. "Did Theodore tell you to kill me?"

　

"Yes, of course he did," Stefano says hurriedly. "And of course I’m not planning to. I would expect that as long as we are both alive, he will try to play us against each other."

　

Sebastian nods. The unspoken point Stefano is making is, of course, that they can’t let that happen, that they have to trust each other. He’s not sure how long it will take him to actually trust Stefano, but he feels comfortable enough to give him the knife and camera. Their common enemy ensures that Stefano will cooperate with him, at least for the time being. He takes the last few steps and places the items in Stefano’s hands.

　

Stefano immediately sets to work examining them, polishing the knife on his jacket and checking the camera for damage. As he busies himself with that, Sebastian heads to his workbench to stock up on ammunition and syringes. He still has a decent amount of supplies there, and he has no idea what lies ahead, so he crafts an assortment of things that he hopes will help them survive long enough to escape Theodore’s domain.

　

Sebastian is mashing herbs and drawing them up into syringes, when he catches a slight movement out of the corner of his eye. His head follows the movement, and suddenly he is face to face with Stefano, who is about two feet away from him, leaning on his workbench and looking bored.

　

"Jesus, Stefano!" Sebastian jumps back before he can catch himself. "Don’t sneak up on me like that."

　

Stefano smirks, but Sebastian is pleased to see that some of the color is back in his face.

　

"Oh, by the way," Sebastian says, remembering the gun he found in the cells. He pushes it across the workbench toward Stefano.

　

Stefano makes no attempt to disguise his disdain. "I won’t be needing that," he says with a toss of his head.

　

"Suit yourself," Sebastian replies. He pops out the magazine, ejects the round from the chamber, and adds them to his own cache of ammo. No need to carry around a second handgun.

　

"Where are we?" Stefano asks.

　

"I’m not really sure," Sebastian answers, as he goes back to making syringes. "It looks like my old office at the KCPD, but the only way to get here is through the mirrors."

　

"You’re a police officer?"

　

"Was," Sebastian answers, trying to decide if a smoke bolt might be a useful thing to have at this point. "Detective Sergeant," he adds, jerking his head toward the door of his own office, but realizing too late that it isn’t visible from where they are located out in the hall.

　

Stefano takes his point though, and wanders back into the main office room. Sebastian hears a door open and close, decides that a smoke bolt certainly wouldn’t hurt, and makes one, then also makes a few shock bolts for good measure. They’re useful for opening doors and staggering large groups of enemies, so it makes sense to have some on hand.

　

When Sebastian is finished, he crosses back through the main room and enters his office to find Stefano staring at Lily’s drawing of Sebastian. Sebastian walks slowly up behind him, the tension rising with every step he takes, because if Stefano is going to critique Lily’s artistic ability, Sebastian is going to have a hard time keeping his word about not killing him. But Stefano turns around when Sebastian is a few feet away and looks at him mildly.

　

"Are we leaving?" Stefano asks.

　

"If you feel like you can handle the trip back," Sebastian replies.

　

"I’ll have to," Stefano says, though he frowns slightly. "I’m not staying here alone."

　

"Alright then," Sebastian says. "Back to the mirror."

　

Sebastian leads the way out of his office, and he’s halfway across the main room when he realizes that Stefano isn’t behind him. He looks back to see Stefano staring at his own picture on Sebastian’s bulletin board. Sebastian walks slowly back toward Stefano, because he’s not sure how this development is going to affect him.

　

"This critic," Stefano says, his voice sharp and simmering with suppressed rage as he waves his hand at the newspaper article on the board. "He missed the entire point of my exhibit." Stefano turns to Sebastian, his good eye blazing indignantly. "He failed utterly to understand my vision, and then he shared his crude, ignorant thoughts with the world."

　

"Whoa there," Sebastian holds his hands up, trying to keep Stefano from working himself into a frenzy. "I don’t know what you were making back in Krimson City, but some of your art here in Union has been pretty fucking weird, so-"

　

"It’s art!" snaps Stefano. "It’s not weird if it serves its purpose! It brings my vision to life!" Stefano pauses and takes a deep breath. "I suppose I can’t expect a philistine like you to understand it," he growls, then brushes by Sebastian, heading back toward the mirror.

　

"I’m not sure I want to understand it!" Sebastian calls after him. Just as Hoffman predicted, Stefano is quite emotional about his work and what people think of it, and Sebastian isn’t in the habit of lying to make people feel better about themselves, so of course there is going to be some tension, but they need to stick together if they’re going to get out of this.

　

Sebastian follows Stefano to the mirror, and, though Stefano shoots Sebastian a glare over his shoulder as Sebastian approaches, he takes the arm Sebastian offers and holds on tightly as Sebastian steps forward and they are swallowed up in the glare of the reflection.

　

　

　

　

　

When they reappear in the hallway in Theodore’s realm, Stefano stumbles a little, and Sebastian wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him upright, but Stefano doesn’t throw up again. Within a few seconds, he is brushing Sebastian’s hands off of him and striding away into the next room.

　

Sebastian follows closely behind, because as much as Stefano is trying to reassert his independence, he still appears to be a little unsteady on his feet, and Sebastian wants be within arm’s reach if he is going to end up on the floor again.

　

The next room is a huge stone chamber with a high ceiling. The enormous statues, the candles, and the carvings on the walls and floor give it the feel of a cathedral from a horror movie, and Sebastian sincerely hopes that this is all just for show and that they don’t need to make some kind of sacrifice in order to progress through the gate at the other end of the room. The large vat of blood isn’t making him feel much better about their prospects.

　

Sebastian, still watching Stefano out of the corner of his eye, walks to the gate and searches for some means of opening it, but there is no visible mechanism, and he’s fairly confident it is controlled by the irrational dream logic of this place. Stefano, meanwhile, seems to be studying the carvings on the floor.

　

"Any idea how to open this gate?" Sebastian asks.

　

"These panels look like they rotate," Stefano answers. "If we can discover where the controls are."

　

Sebastian scans the room again and spots a ladder. His eyes follow it up to a raised walkway with a series of cranks on it.

　

"Up there," Sebastian says, pointing to the platform. Stefano immediately starts toward the ladder, but Sebastian catches up to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Hold on," Sebastian says. Stefano shakes Sebastian’s hand off his shoulder immediately, but turns to face Sebastian.

　

"Let me go. You don’t look up to climbing ladders right now," Sebastian says.

　

Stefano’s voice is cold. "I can take care of myself. Thank you very much."

　

"I don’t doubt that," Sebastian says earnestly, because he’s sure Stefano can take care of himself. "But why don’t you take care of yourself at ground level for the time being?" The last thing he needs to deal with right now is Stefano falling off a ladder and injuring himself again.

　

"Very well," Stefano says. His tone is bitter and he gives Sebastian a reproachful look as he retreats to the area just in front of the gate, but Sebastian doesn’t have time to coddle his ego at the moment.

　

As it turns out, Stefano’s mood improves dramatically once Sebastian demonstrates that he has no idea what each of the cranks control and what design exactly he is supposed to be making on the floor. Stefano at least puts on the appearance of trying to be helpful, though Sebastian suspects that Stefano is just enjoying watching him struggle.

　

"Try the next one over," Stefano calls from the floor, and Sebastian grudgingly obeys, because he certainly doesn’t have a better idea. They’ve been at it for a few minutes, and he is no closer to understanding how any of this works than he was when they started.

　

"No, not that way," Stefano yells, and Sebastian rolls his eyes because how either one of them was supposed to know which way the plate would move before he turned the crank is beyond him.

　

"Turn it to the left," Stefano suggests, and Sebastian obeys because that’s what he was going to do next anyway and certainly not because he has literally no idea what he’s doing at this point.

　

"Your other left," shouts Stefano, and Sebastian is just about to tell him to get up here and do it himself and safety be damned when the plates in the floor click into place.

　

Sebastian quickly descends the ladder to find Stefano entranced by the blood pouring into the newly formed canals in the floor. Within a few seconds, the blood reaches the gate, which emits a loud groan and slowly rises up into the ceiling.

　

Sebastian starts down the dark tunnel beyond the gate, but realizes that Stefano isn’t with him. He turns back. Stefano is still gazing at the blood filling the design in the floor, his eyes occasionally flicking up to the huge vat of blood that seems to be the source.

　

"Hey," Sebastian calls out. "Let’s go!"

　

Stefano seems to jerk himself out of his trance and strides down the hallway toward Sebastian.

　

"Where do you suppose he gets all of the blood?" Stefano asks.

　

It strikes Sebastian as kind of a stupid question, so he offers kind of a stupid answer. "I don’t know. He probably buys it wholesale." He’s about to turn and continue down the passageway when Stefano speaks again.

　

"Do you think all of that is from Union citizens?" His tone is serious, which is concerning to Sebastian, because he thinks the joke he just made was pretty funny and should appeal to Stefano’s macabre sense of humor. But the look on Stefano’s face says that he’s not in a joking mood. He seems unfocused, like he’s looking through Sebastian.  Maybe he is trying to come to terms with what it actually means to be a member of Theodore’s "flock".

　

"Yeah, probably," Sebastian answers. "He doesn’t seem to have much concern for other people’s lives."

　

Stefano nods, and Sebastian waits a moment to make sure he is ready to continue.  After a few seconds, Stefano seems to regain his focus, making eye contact with Sebastian and reaching into the pocket of his jacket.

 

"I found this back in that room," Stefano says, gesturing over his shoulder with one hand while he holds out an herb to Sebastian.

　

"Thanks," Sebastian says, tucking it away with the rest of his gear, and they continue down the passageway together. After a short drop into a larger area, Sebastian realizes that they are in some sort of an open pit. There are bodies piled up all around him, and Sebastian draws his gun and proceeds forward carefully until the booming voice that must belong to Theodore brings him up short.

　

"Sebastian Castellanos."

　

The voice isn’t coming from all around him this time. It’s coming from the ledge above him, and Sebastian adjusts his gaze and the angle of his gun to track the figure standing there.

　

"You’ve finally come," Theodore says. His back is to Sebastian, and he seems completely unconcerned with Sebastian’s presence or the fact that Sebastian may be his enemy. "I’ve been waiting for you."

　

"Who the hell are you?" demands Sebastian. He knows, of course, but he’s not sure if Theodore knows that he and Stefano have been exchanging information.

　

  
"My followers call me Father Theodore," Theodore says. "I hope that you will call me that too, friend."

　

Sebastian is about to snap back at him that they certainly aren’t friends, but then the cross symbol above Theodore blazes to life with a flame so intense that Sebastian is almost blinded. He raises a hand to shield his face until the fire dies down.

　

"I’m no follower," Sebastian shouts back. "Turn around and fight me like a man."

　

Theodore does turn around, though it is a slow, deliberate movement, and it’s clear that Theodore doesn’t actually intend to fight him.

　

"That is how you deal with every challenge in your life," Theodore says, his voice taking on a fatherly warmth that makes Sebastian feel a little sick, because he knows the cruelty that Theodore is capable of. "Through brute force and intimidation."

　

"Shut up!" Sebastian has heard enough and the anger is bubbling up in his throat. He’s not here to be psychoanalyzed and certainly not by some lunatic with a god complex. What happened to Stefano was on Theodore’s orders, Theodore is the one who is waylaying him in his search for Lily, and on top of that, Theodore is now trying to give him tips on conflict resolution like that stupid shrink that KCPD made him see after Beacon. "Just shut up!" Sebastian shouts. "You don’t know me!"

　

Theodore smiles as the flames blaze up high around him, and Sebastian, who hasn’t set foot in a church in years, can’t help but think that he is seeing the devil. "Or do I?" Theodore says, and disappears in a burst of flames.

　

Sebastian is puzzled for a second, but then there is another burst of flames next to him, and he turns quickly to see Theodore there. Sebastian is still filled with rage and before he can even process what he’s doing, his hands are around Theodore’s throat and Theodore is crumpling to the ground. Sebastian follows him down, maintains his hold as he straddles Theodore’s chest and channels all of his anger and his frustration into squeezing the life out of him. It’s an incredible high to see Theodore’s eyes darting wildly around, his mouth gaping open as he struggles to draw breath, his hands scrabbling uselessly at the ground beside him.

　

Sebastian does think it’s a little odd that Theodore isn’t fighting back more, because he was prepared for those hands to be at his own throat or trying to pry his fingers loose, or striking him to break his hold. But when Theodore’s right hand does rise slowly up to his face, it is only so that his thumb can lightly stroke the skin next to his left eye, and in that split second, Sebastian realizes exactly what is happening, and that cold, sick feeling in his stomach comes back in full force.

　

He releases his grip immediately, and as soon as he does it’s Stefano who is lying motionless on the ground under him. There’s a cold laugh from above him, and Sebastian looks up to see Theodore on the platform again. He’s about to draw his gun when Theodore taps his cane on the ground in front of him, and flames spring up all around Sebastian and Stefano.

　

Sebastian can feel the pain and the heat, as intense as it was when he ran through the house searching for Lily. He can smell his flesh burning as he rolls off of Stefano, frantically trying to escape the flames. All he can see in any direction is fire, and Lily’s screams are in his ears, and then suddenly the flames disappear and he knows nothing but darkness.

　

　

　

　

　

When Sebastian comes to, he is lying on something soft, and the lighting is low, and if he wasn’t so desperate to find Lily, he would be tempted to just close his eyes again and take a nap, because he fucking needs one. He tries to roll over but bumps into Stefano, who is sitting next to him.

　

It takes him a minute, but he recognizes the second floor lobby of the theatre from the Union business district, the one where he and Stefano were before they were transported to Theodore’s dungeon. He is lying on one of the circular couches, sort of awkwardly curled around it on his side facing the center, and Stefano is apparently sitting just behind his shoulders.

　

"Take it easy," Stefano says quietly, placing a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian does feel a little dizzy and disoriented, so he decides to take Stefano’s advice for the moment.

　

"What happened?" Sebastian asks.

　

"It seems we have been transported back to the theatre," Stefano replies. His voice is thin and raspy, and the last few minutes in Theodore’s realm come rushing back to Sebastian like a bucket of ice water being dumped over him.

　

"Oh my god, Stefano, I am so sorry," Sebastian says as he struggles to turn over and sit up, because he needs to see Stefano’s face, needs to know that Stefano understands that he didn’t mean to hurt him, that he never would have hurt him if he’d known what he was doing.

　

Stefano stands up quickly and takes a few steps away from the couch as Sebastian finally manages to sit up and swing his legs over the side. Stefano’s eye is wide and he glances quickly from side to side in a way that tells Sebastian he’s looking for an escape route.  This tugs at Sebastian’s heart a little, because he certainly doesn’t want to cause Stefano any additional fear or stress. He raises his hands, palms toward Stefano, and tries to look as nonthreatening as possible.

　

"I’m sorry," Sebastian says again. "I know this doesn’t make any sense, but I didn’t know it was you." He shakes his head, because when he says it out loud, it sounds even stupider than it sounds in his head, but he saw Theodore, he was choking Theodore, and he’s still not entirely sure what happened after that.

　

Stefano sighs deeply, and Sebastian can actually see the tension leaving his body. "It’s alright," Stefano says, his eye trained on the floor between them. "That’s how Theodore operates. You see what he wants you to see, you hear what he wants you to hear, and most likely, you do what he wants you to do."

　

Sebastian nods, and he’s sure that Stefano is probably saying something important, but he’s having a hard time concentrating because every word Stefano speaks in that raspy, strangled voice is a stab of guilt that Sebastian feels in his gut like a physical wound.

　

"I’m sure he was hoping that you would finish me off," Stefano says, finally raising his eye to meet Sebastian’s.

　

Sebastian sighs and rakes a hand through his hair, because he was dangerously close to finishing Stefano off. Then he remembers how Stefano stopped him.

　

"That was some quick thinking," Sebastian says, tapping his face next to his left eye.

　

A smile flashes across Stefano’s face, just for a split second. "It was the only thing I could think of," he answers as he closes the distance between them and takes a seat beside Sebastian on the couch. Sebastian is hit with a fresh wave of guilt when he gets a good look at Stefano under better lighting. There are already dark pink bruises forming all around his throat and the white of his good eye is marred by ruptured blood vessels.

　

Sebastian doesn’t think about what he’s doing or how Stefano will perceive it, just acts on instinct and wraps his arms around Stefano’s waist, pulling Stefano’s chest against his. He’s not sure whether he’s trying to comfort Stefano or himself, but he feels like if he doesn’t do something the guilt is going to tear a hole in him and he is going to bleed out right here on the floor. Stefano is rigid in his arms for a few seconds, until Sebastian whispers another apology in his ear, and Stefano relaxes into him, letting his arms come to rest around Sebastian’s shoulders.

　

It feels unexpectedly nice to hold Stefano like this, and Sebastian remembers something Tatiana said to him so many hours ago, something about Sebastian needing connection with others the way a plant requires light. He brushed it off at the time, but he has to admit that feeling Stefano’s body pressed against his and Stefano’s arms around him is very pleasant. The guilt and the anger and the fear about what will happen to Lily are still there, of course, but they have died down to a manageable level. Sebastian doesn’t want to over-think it right now, so he breathes deeply and savors the comfort that comes from physical contact with another person, even if that person is Stefano.

　

"You need to stop this, you know," Stefano murmurs. Before Sebastian can respond, he continues, "Stop being sorry. Stop feeling guilt. He will use it against you."

　

"Thanks," Sebastian whispers back. "I’ll try." He’s never been good at letting go of things, and he still feels like shit about what happened with Stefano, even knowing that it was one of Theodore’s mind games.

　

Stefano pats his back lightly. "Time to get going."

　

"Yeah," Sebastian agrees, releasing Stefano and standing up. "There’s a safe house not far from here. Let’s try to make it there and then figure out our next move." In truth, Sebastian has no idea what to do next to bring him closer to Lily, and he hopes that maybe if he can make it to Hoffman’s safe house, she’ll have some new information. He’s not sure how Stefano will react to Hoffman though, or if he’ll even remember meeting her before Union, but they’ll have to sort that out when they arrive.

　

Stefano follows him out of the theatre and onto the street in front of it, where they both pause to take in the new environment. The geography seems to be the same, but the sky has taken on a reddish-orange shade and many of the buildings in the business district now seem to be on fire. Sebastian can see a few of the zombie-like creatures moving around further down the street, and he hopes they will stay there.

　

As he is trying to assess whether any of the zombies are in danger of spotting him and Stefano as they cross to the post office, the sound of running feet and heavy breathing comes from his left, and he whirls to face-

　

"Holy shit!" Sebastian shouts, because he has no idea what the fuck he is looking at. It’s at least eight feet tall and vaguely human shaped, but it’s wearing some sort of face mask and holding a flamethrower, and it’s bearing down on them way too fast for him to react. He falters, stepping backwards, fumbling for his shotgun because it’s going to be right on top of them any second. The creature swings the barrel of its flamethrower, which catches him in the chest, knocking him to the ground, and he’s sure that he’s about to be roasted alive. Then there’s a flash of blue light, and the creature is almost frozen in place, trapped in one of Stefano’s boxes, which slows its movement significantly and makes it a much more manageable foe.

　

Sebastian springs to his feet and is able to pump two shotgun rounds into the creature’s head before it slowly makes its way to the other side of the box and bursts through. Sebastian jumps back as Stefano’s camera flashes, and the creature is trapped again. This time Sebastian is already lining up his shots, and he is able to get off four of them in rapid succession.

　

"Reloading," he warns Stefano, as he pops a couple of shells out of the sidesaddle and quickly loads them up. Before he even has time to rack the gun again, Stefano is dashing forward into the box, which apparently doesn’t slow him down at all. He buries his knife in the creature’s shoulder, then delivers four more brutal stabs to its torso. Sebastian takes the opportunity to load up the other four shells while the creature is staggered inside the box.

　

Stefano dodges backward, allowing Sebastian to fire off two more rounds before the creature escapes from the box, and Sebastian steps aside as Stefano traps it again with a flash of his camera. Sebastian unloads four more rounds into its head, and Stefano must be counting them because he’s dashing into the box, and his knife moves so quickly Sebastian can’t even keep up with it. Sebastian throws the shotgun onto his back and grabs his pistol. He is lining up his next shot and waiting for Stefano to get out of the way, but the creature is already dropping to its knees and falling forward onto the pavement.

　

Sebastian turns to Stefano. They’re both breathing hard and grinning like idiots, still riding the high of a beautifully executed round of combat, and Sebastian hasn’t had this feeling since… well, since Joseph, and thinking of him is sort of like being stabbed in the heart all over again.

　

He pushes that thought aside, because what’s important right now is that he and Stefano are still alive and make a surprisingly good team. This really isn’t the time to dwell on that either, because some of the zombies down at the other end of the street seem to be gaining interest in all of the noise he and Stefano have been making.

　

"Let’s go," Sebastian says, jerking his head toward the post office, and Stefano follows him as he dashes along the edge of the crumbling world and through the first door of the safe house. Sebastian doesn’t stop until he’s through the secure door, and Stefano is right on his heels. Sebastian slams and locks the door behind Stefano, then sinks into a chair because his legs are protesting all of the sprinting. He glances over at Stefano, who is a little out of breath, but still smiling. Sebastian is pretty sure there’s a bit of a smile on his own face too.

　

　

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You make it sound so simple," Stefano says. "I’m sure that whoever has her must be very powerful. We will probably need more of a plan than ‘go and get her back.’ How will you even know where to look?"
> 
> 　
> 
> "I’m hoping that Kidman can tell us that too," Sebastian says. "Or maybe that she’ll make contact with O’Neal or Hoffman. O’Neal helped me locate you, although it wasn’t too difficult with that giant aperture thing coming out of the ground wherever you were."
> 
> 　
> 
> Stefano shrugs. "Subtlety is not in my nature."

 

 

Stefano doubles over as a small room in what appears to be some sort of underground bunker materializes around him. He rests his hands on his knees, head hanging between his arms, and breathes deeply, willing his body back under control. He doesn’t think that there is anything left inside him to vomit, but the trip into the Marrow, as Sebastian calls it, turns his stomach anyway. He doesn’t understand why the avenues by which Sebastian can travel effortlessly bring about such intense nausea for him, and he is tired of it- tired of feeling weak, tired of feeling dependent on Sebastian, and most of all, tired of feeling sick to his stomach every ten minutes.

　

Sebastian stands nearby, watching him closely, but he doesn’t speak or attempt to touch Stefano, just waits patiently until Stefano feels recovered enough to stand up fully. The harsh fluorescent lights are a bit jarring after the darkness of the last space they passed through.

　

"You alright?" Sebastian asks.

　

"Yes," Stefano replies, checking to make sure that his knife and camera haven’t been lost during whatever interdimensional journey they just made. Fortunately, both are still in their proper places.

　

"Wait here for a minute," Sebastian says, and before Stefano can ask why, Sebastian is leaving the room through the only traditional exit and opening a door at the other end of a short hallway.

　

"Hoffman?" Sebastian calls out. Stefano doesn’t hear a response. Sebastian lets the door close behind him, and Stefano can hear him call for Hoffman a few more times before he opens the door again.

　

"She’s not here," he announces. "Weird that she’d leave the safe house." He beckons Stefano into the room with him as he unhooks some kind of radio from his belt and holds it in front of his face.

　

"Who’s Hoffman?" Stefano asks, as he descends a few steps into a larger room with the same underground bunker sort of décor. Sebastian holds up a finger to him and begins to speak into the radio.

　

"Kidman, you there?" Sebastian says.

　

Stefano finds this rather rude, because after all, he is the one who is actually in the room with Sebastian.

　

A female voice, presumably Kidman’s, comes out of the radio, "Sebastian! I thought we lost you. What happened? You’ve been off the grid for hours."

　

"It’s kind of a long story," Sebastian sighs. "I made it back to Hoffman’s safe house, but she’s not here. Have you had any contact with her?"

　

As Sebastian talks, Stefano begins to stroll around the room, taking in the scenery. There are several tables holding computers and files, and he pauses at one monitor to read a report on Lily Castellanos. Apparently, whoever wrote the report found her to be an exceptional child. Stefano doesn’t need a battery of psychological tests to tell him that. Her power allowed him to create exceptional works of art. The vision was his, of course, but even he must acknowledge that Lily contributed something.

　

"No," Kidman says. "I haven’t heard from her at all or O’Neal for that matter." There’s a pause. "What happened with Stefano?"

　

"That’s… also a long story," Sebastian says, glancing over at Stefano and shrugging his shoulders. "He’s with me now, actually. Seems like we have a common enemy at least for the moment."

　

There is a much longer pause. Sebastian begins to pace, and Stefano continues his tour of the room, detouring into a small side room that holds one of Sebastian’s mirrors and an almost-full box of handgun ammunition.

　

"I don’t like that, Sebastian," Kidman says. "You’re playing a dangerous game."

　

Stefano picks up the box of handgun ammo and returns to the main room, setting it down on the table beside Sebastian, who pauses in his pacing to mouth a thank-you at Stefano, before he growls into the radio.

　

"Yeah, well maybe if you or any of your operatives were brave enough to get in here yourselves, I’d have some more options, wouldn’t I?"

　

Stefano continues to the other side of the room, where there is a black leather sofa and a coffeemaker. There is also another short hallway leading to a door marked "Research Wing". He doesn’t go through it, both because he wants to continue eavesdropping on Sebastian’s conversation and because he doesn’t want to get too far from Sebastian. Loathe as he is to admit it, his own powers have weakened considerably, and Sebastian has proven himself to be surprisingly capable.

　

"Sebastian, you’ve seen what happened to the last team we sent in. You’ve gotten closer to Lily than anyone so far, and if you and Stefano have worked something out, then I’m not going to tell you not to do it, but please… be careful."

　

"Got it," Sebastian replies brusquely. Stefano wanders back over to the center table and starts shuffling through some of the files. Almost all of them are marked with the name "Mobius" on the outside as well as a distinctive logo that he’s seen before on some of the locked doors in Union.

　

"I take it Stefano doesn’t have Lily anymore?" Kidman asks.

　

"No, he doesn’t," Sebastian answers. "That’s actually one of the things I wanted to ask you about. We’ve encountered at least two other very powerful forces in here, and we’ve only identified one of them. Do you know anyone else who would be capable of that kind of power."

　

Stefano pauses in flipping through files, because his gloves are hindering him from turning the pages effectively. He pulls one off, but is immediately distracted by his own hand. There is blood caked under his fingernails, and flakes of dried blood still visible around his wrist even though the wounds are gone. The sight of it reminds him that his body is still probably crusted with all manner of filth and gore, and he shudders, wishing, not for the first time in recent memory, that he could simply crawl out of his own skin and leave it behind.

　

"I do have a couple of ideas," Kidman replies. "Give me a little time. I’ll send the information to your room. I’m also going to scan the other frequencies and see if maybe I can pick up Hoffman or O’Neal. Otherwise, I would assume they didn’t make it." Kidman is awfully nonchalant for someone talking about the death of her allies.

　

"Copy that," Sebastian says and replaces the radio on his belt. "Well that was helpful," he says as he turns to Stefano, his voice thick with sarcasm. "Hopefully whatever she’s sending to my room will be worth the wait, because I’m not sure what else to do right now."

　

"Is it worth my while to ask who Kidman and Hoffman are or am I going to be ignored again?" Stefano asks, not trying particularly hard to keep the bitterness out of his voice, which is still a bit hoarse from when Sebastian attempted to strangle him.

　

"They work for Mobius," Sebastian answers. Then, when Stefano opens his mouth to ask what Mobius is, Sebastian adds, "Mobius… Mobius created Union. It’s complicated."

　

Stefano doesn’t have the patience for "complicated" at the moment. He has replaced his glove so that he doesn’t have to look at how filthy his hand is, but his skin is crawling and he can’t suppress another shudder.

　

"What’s wrong?" Sebastian asks.

　

Stefano sighs, because he knows that this is going to sound ridiculous no matter how he says it. "Is there, by any chance, a shower around here?"

　

To his surprise, Sebastian doesn’t laugh at him, but furrows his brow as he seems to be considering Stefano’s question. "Not that I know of," he answers finally, "but I’d think there would have to be one somewhere. If you’re up for going outside the secure door we can take a look around."

　

Stefano is willing to try anything that might make him feel less like trying to peel his own skin off, and he is eager to get started before Sebastian realizes that they’re doing something that is unrelated to finding Lily. "Yes, let’s try," he says.

　

Sebastian leads the way to the secure door, pistol in hand, but when he slowly opens it and proceeds into the hallway, everything seems to be quiet. They move cautiously down the hall from room to room, Sebastian picking up some ammunition or an herb here and there. In the fourth room they explore, which appears to be some sort of laboratory, Stefano spots something promising in a back corner of the room. It’s some kind of decontamination shower, and he’s willing to bet that it only runs cold water, but he’s so tired of being coated in filth that he doesn’t care.

　

"I think this will do," he gestures toward the shower.

　

Sebastian’s eyebrows shoot up. "If you say so."

　

"I do," Stefano replies. This isn’t the time to be particular.

　

Stefano goes to examine the shower area while Sebastian digs around on the metal shelves that line the room. There is no curtain or barrier, as the shower was probably intended for use in some sort of chemical-related emergency, but at least the water is still running.

　

"Hey," Sebastian calls out, and Stefano turns around in time to catch a towel that Sebastian has apparently thrown at him, rather than walking over and handing it to him like a civilized human being. Sebastian collects up an armful of blankets and heads for the door.

　

"I’ll be right outside," he says over his shoulder.

　

"Wait," Stefano says, voice rising slightly because panic is starting to coil in his chest at the idea of Sebastian leaving the room. Neither one of them knows what could be out there or what mind game Theodore might be planning next. Even though Sebastian almost asphyxiated him earlier, Stefano feels considerably safer when they are together. "Could you stay in the room if you don’t mind?"

　

A look of mild surprise flashes across Sebastian’s face, but it’s quickly replaced by his normal expression. Stefano typically doesn’t bother reading other people’s faces, but he would describe Sebastian’s as resigned. There is a trace of the fear he saw in Sebastian at City Hall, a tension that is visible in the lines of Sebastian’s brow and jaw, but the hard edge of fear is gone. Perhaps Sebastian is just too exhausted to keep it up.

　

"Fine," Sebastian says, setting the blankets down on one of the lab tables, and taking a seat in a chair facing the door, so that his back is to Stefano. He begins adjusting the dials on his radio.

　

"Why do we need so many blankets?" Stefano asks as he removes his shoes, gloves, and scarf.

　

"Because if you go through with this, you’re going to be hypothermic," Sebastian answers. Even though the words sound like they should hold some sort of judgment, his tone is matter-of-fact.

　

Stefano slips out of his jacket and unfastens his trousers. "And yet, you would prefer to treat my hypothermia rather than attempt to dissuade me from acquiring it in the first place?"

　

"No, that’s not it," Sebastian says with a sigh. "You need to do what you think is right. I don’t know how you’re feeling right now."

　

As he steps out of his trousers and begins to unbutton his shirt, Stefano feels a hot flash of anger color his cheeks, because he’s just realized that this all goes back to the original assault in Theodore’s dungeon. Sebastian sees him as a victim, probably one of many assault victims he has encountered in his police career. In his eyes, Stefano is damaged, broken, something to be treated with care because he has experienced something outside the bounds of what "normal" people are exposed to. "I don’t need your pity!" he snaps at Sebastian, tossing his shirt onto the floor in his anger.

　

There is a long pause before Sebastian answers. "You know, there’s a difference between pity and compassion."

　

That brings Stefano up short, because he didn’t expect Sebastian of all people to start splitting hairs with him over his choice of words. Stefano is not sure there really is a difference, and he is not sure why Sebastian’s opinion matters, philistine that he is, but Stefano certainly is not going to stand here in his underwear and argue semantics with him.

 

He strips off his briefs and moves to stand under the shower head. He takes a deep breath and turns it on all the way. It takes all of his resolve not to scream out loud as the frigid water hits his body, but he holds it in, even though it feels like a thousand needles are piercing his skin.

 

There is no soap, so he just stands underneath the pouring water, letting it wash over his whole body, taking with it the dirt and the blood and the vomit. What it can’t wash away, of course, is the memory of rough hands touching and manipulating and hurting him, of various implements being forced into him through every available orifice, of the sense that his body is no longer his own.

 

It does feel better to watch the filth and gore running off of him and going down the drain, and the cold water does numb him a little, makes the memories of painful, humiliating things being done to him less distinct. After a few minutes, he shuts off the water, feeling like he has accomplished something.

 

Sebastian was correct about one thing though. Stefano is absolutely freezing now. He picks up the towel, which is rougher than his skin is accustomed to, and dries his body and his hair as much as he can. Then he dresses again, wishing he had access to his closet or at least something cleaner to wear.

 

When he is fully dressed, he walks up beside Sebastian. Sebastian looks him up and down and must be able to see immediately how hard he is shivering. To his credit, Sebastian doesn’t say anything, just places one of the blankets around Stefano’s shoulders and leads the way out of the room.

　

Back behind the secure door, Stefano takes a seat on the sofa, kicks off his shoes, draws his knees up to his chest, and buries his face in his hands. The cold has seeped down to his bones, he can’t stop shaking, and he just needs a minute to get himself back together. He lifts his head when Sebastian wraps another blanket around him, and then another and another until he’s used them all, and Stefano can’t stifle his laughter at how absurd Sebastian is being.

　

"I suppose we had better hurry up and find Lily. You’re clearly desperate for someone to parent."

　

Sebastian laughs, and it’s loud and sudden and awkward, seeming to startle Sebastian himself as well as Stefano. "Look, I’m sorry if I’m being overbearing, and I don’t pity you. I know you can take care of yourself," Sebastian says, looking earnestly into Stefano’s face. "Thanks for saving my life back there, by the way."

　

"You’re welcome," Stefano replies, feeling a little warmer- on the inside at least- at the compliment. He had almost forgotten about that incident, but he really had saved Sebastian’s life and had done so with a style and elegance becoming of an artist. He might pat himself on the back if his arms weren’t currently wrapped around his legs trying to generate heat.

　

"Anyway," Sebastian continues, "it just seems like you’re having a really shitty day, and I’m at least partly responsible, and if there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know."

　

Stefano sits in stunned silence for a moment. His initial reaction to Sebastian describing recent events as "a really shitty day" is that it is highly offensive and possibly the understatement of the century, but the more he thinks about it, the more he appreciates Sebastian’s perspective. The way Sebastian describes it makes it feel more like an unfortunate thing happening to a normal person, rather than some catastrophic, life-altering event. It has certainly had an effect on him; that is undeniable, but he still feels like himself. He isn’t sure why Sebastian’s opinion matters to him, but he hopes that Sebastian will see him as he is. He has been hurt, violated even, but he is not broken.

　

As for how Sebastian can help him, Stefano does have an idea. He is still shivering even under all of the blankets, and Sebastian demonstrated earlier in the cell that he can generate enough body heat for both of them, but Stefano isn’t confident that it is safe to ask Sebastian for this.

　

Casual touching is relatively new to Stefano, which is one of the reasons why Sebastian surprised him so much by embracing him in the theatre. Stefano has embraced other men of course, but always as the precursor to more intimate activities, and the way Sebastian’s arms felt around him, warm and comforting and not asking for anything more than that moment of closeness, was completely foreign to him. He would very much like to explore that feeling in more depth, but he doesn’t wish to send Sebastian the wrong message, and he is not entirely sure how to draw those lines at the moment.

　

"Would you mind sharing some of your body heat?" Stefano asks finally, hoping desperately that Sebastian will not take this as a broader invitation.

　

"Not at all," Sebastian replies. "Just let me grab a cup of coffee."

　

Sebastian sets his weapons down on one of the tables, pours himself a mug of coffee, and returns to the couch. It takes some shifting and shuffling of blankets, but they manage to reach a comfortable arrangement. Sebastian is sitting on the couch, facing forward, with Stefano sitting sideways with his back pressed against Sebastian’s flank and the blankets wrapped around both of them. One of Sebastian’s arms is around Stefano’s waist under the blankets, while his other hand holds the coffee mug.

　

Sebastian takes a sip and extends the mug to Stefano. "Drink some," he says. "It’ll help with your injuries."

　

Stefano isn’t sure what Sebastian is talking about at first, since Sebastian very thoroughly treated all of his injuries with green gel earlier, but then he recalls the fact that he was recently strangled, and his neck and throat do feel quite sore. He works an arm out from under the blankets and takes the mug, bringing it to his lips.

　

The warm liquid is soothing, and the pain and tightness in his throat begin to subside. He wonders if he will ever be able to drink anything without remembering the terror and helplessness of having his mouth roughly pried open, of having the tube forced down his throat, gagging him, making him gasp for air as the mysterious liquid was poured directly into his stomach. He shivers. It was horrible. It was all horrible, but for some reason this particular element stands out in his mind.

　

Sebastian’s other arm wraps around his upper torso with Sebastian’s palm landing splayed out on his chest. Stefano tenses at first, because even though Sebastian’s hands are on top of his clothes, a slight shift of either one could change the context of the physical contact dramatically. But Sebastian’s hands stay where they are, just holding him and warming him, and Stefano sighs contentedly before taking another sip of coffee and offering the mug to Sebastian again.

　

"You finish this one," Sebastian says. "We’ll have another one brewed in twenty minutes or so."

　

"Thank you," Stefano says, sipping the coffee and pressing back against Sebastian for warmth. "What’s our next move?" he asks after swallowing a mouthful of the warm liquid and fighting off the memories of less pleasant things happening to his mouth.

　

"I’ll wait a few minutes and then go to my room to see what Kidman comes up with. Top priority right now is figuring out who actually has Lily, because it doesn’t seem to be Theodore," Sebastian says. "I have a pretty good idea who it might be, but I’ll need more information from Kidman to be sure."

　

"And after that?" Stefano asks.

　

"After that we go and get her back," Sebastian answers.

　

"You make it sound so simple," Stefano says. "I’m sure that whoever has her must be very powerful. We will probably need more of a plan than ‘go and get her back.’ How will you even know where to look?"

　

"I’m hoping that Kidman can tell us that too," Sebastian says. "Or maybe that she’ll make contact with O’Neal or Hoffman. O’Neal helped me locate you, although it wasn’t too difficult with that giant aperture thing coming out of the ground wherever you were."

　

Stefano shrugs. "Subtlety is not in my nature."

　

"Actually," Sebastian says thoughtfully. "Can’t you use that thing for surveillance? Maybe that’s how we can find Lily."

　

Frankly, Stefano hasn’t thought about the Aperture or any of his creations since they were in the theatre the first time. He has been so focused on his own survival that they never even crossed his mind. "Perhaps," he agrees tentatively. "Though summoning the Aperture requires a tremendous mental effort that I may not be capable of at the moment."

　

"What about your other friends?" Sebastian asks.

　

"Who, Obscura?" Stefano asks, relieved that his voice sounds less strained after the coffee. "I created her as an independent entity. She’s probably out there somewhere roaming around." The thought of it sparks a twinge of concern in his chest. "She can take care of herself, of course, but she’ll be looking for me. We should keep an eye out for her as well. She’s quite loyal and fierce."

　

"Yeah, I’m aware," Sebastian says. "First-hand experience." He pauses. "What about that laughing thing with all the heads?"

　

"Oh, the Guardian," Stefano says. "I haven’t the faintest idea what they’re up to. I created one, just one, to develop my sculpting skills further, and then somehow once I’d made the template, they starting springing to life all over Union, everywhere that the corpses were being piled up. They’re a horrible nuisance. Some of them even refuse to listen to me. Best to steer clear if we see one."

　

Sebastian laughs, and again, it’s a jarring sound, as though his vocal cords aren’t used to performing that function. "I’d say they’re more than a nuisance."

　

"They have done quite a lot of damage to my gallery," Stefano agrees. They lapse into silence for a few moments, and Stefano takes another sip of coffee. His shivering is abating somewhat, though he doesn’t want to give up his proximity to Sebastian.

　

Stefano can’t recall a time when he was held and touched like this solely for the purpose of his comfort, without the expectation of something else. But if Sebastian was expecting something, Stefano is fairly confident he would simply ask for it. From what Stefano has observed, Sebastian isn’t in the habit of concealing his thoughts and feelings, which is why Stefano feels safe here with his back pressed up against Sebastian and Sebastian’s arms wrapped around his body.

　

Sebastian breaks the silence. "Can you tell me more about how your phasing works?"

　

"Certainly," Stefano answers, pleased that he has an opportunity to explain his special skills to Sebastian. "I simply fold space in on itself so that I can cover great distances with a single step."

　

"Are there any limits? I mean, can you travel as far as you want?" Sebastian presses.

　

"Technically I could," Stefano replies, "but I need to be able to actually see my endpoint, or I need to have a mental map of the space." He pauses, hoping that his next statement won’t upset Sebastian too much. "That’s why my abilities were so much greater when Lily was with me. She holds the map of all of Union in her mind, and I was able to travel through it at will and even influence it to some extent."

　

Sebastian is silent for a moment, but his body still feels relaxed, at least where he is touching Stefano.

　

"Don’t take this the wrong way," he asks. "But why couldn’t you use your phasing to escape when Theodore’s men came to…"

　

"Escape to where?" Stefano asks. "That structure, that fortress of Theodore’s is not spatially linked to anything, and I have never entered or left it except by his will. I could have phased out of the cell, certainly, but there would have been no escaping him in his own realm." A shiver runs through him, but this one has nothing to do with the cold. Sebastian’s arms tighten around him briefly.

　

"Any idea why you’re still feeling sick so much?" Sebastian asks, and the worry is evident in his voice. Stefano doesn’t know if Sebastian is concerned for his well-being or that he is turning into some sort of monster.

　

"I can’t be sure," Stefano says, taking a deep breath, because he would really rather not discuss this, but as Sebastian seems bound and determined to care for him, Sebastian should probably know this. "But they forced me to consume some kind of liquid."

　

Sebastian does tense up behind him at that. "That’s why your throat was…"

　

Stefano nods, not trusting his voice at the moment.

　

"God, Stefano, that sounds awful," Sebastian says.

　

Stefano nods again. "It was," he says finally. "I’m not sure what the substance was, but that’s when the nausea and the stomach pain started."

　

Sebastian’s hand slides up from Stefano’s waist to rest lightly on his abdomen. "Are you still having pain there?" Sebastian asks.

　

"At times," Stefano replies. "It is not consistent, but it seems to be aggravated by some of the forms of travel we’ve been using."

　

"Right," Sebastian murmurs as his hand makes slow circles on Stefano’s belly. Stefano is both perplexed and mildly entertained by Sebastian’s hands-on approach to healing. For the moment, his stomach isn’t particularly bothering him, but Sebastian’s gentle ministrations feel surprisingly nice, and Stefano just sits quietly and allows him to continue.

　

"Do you think it affected your abilities?" Sebastian asks after a few seconds of silence.

　

"I don’t believe so," Stefano says. "Although it’s difficult to be sure, as my powers are certainly diminished since…" He takes a deep breath, giving Sebastian a chance to anticipate his next words in hopes that he won’t respond by handling him roughly. "…since Lily was with me."

　

Sebastian’s hand falters in its circles, but his touch stays light. Stefano takes a long drink of coffee and wonders if it really is healing him. He feels better and his shivering has stopped for the most part, but he can’t be sure if it’s due to the coffee or Sebastian’s oddly comforting presence.

　

Stefano is a quick study of people when he actually takes an interest in one, and he has certainly taken an interest in Sebastian. He knows that Sebastian is a man of actions, not of words. What Sebastian does express verbally tends to come out as anger or guilt, and it would be easy to conclude that this is Sebastian’s entire emotional range.

　

Stefano knows, however, that this is not the case, but it’s only from time spent under Sebastian’s hands and, more recently, in his arms. Everything that Sebastian consciously holds back is expressed through touch, through his gentle, but very thorough, exploration of Stefano’s body in the dungeon, through the desperate, almost fierce embrace in the theatre, and through the instinctive, impulsive way that Sebastian’s hands are now drawn to sensitive areas. Sebastian may not spell out his feelings in so many words, but he is still quite easy to read, and Stefano has seen enough of Sebastian’s caretaking and protective side to know that he is in good hands.

　

Speaking of which, those hands are being removed from his body as Sebastian says, "I’m going to check my room for that info from Kidman. You stay here and finish that coffee."

　

Stefano is about to protest, but Sebastian interrupts, "I’ve never seen anything get into one of these safe houses, and I don’t want you puking your guts out again for nothing. I’ll just take a look at it and come right back." As he is speaking, Sebastian manages to extricate himself from the blankets and rearranges them around Stefano.

　

Stefano weighs his options, decides that he would prefer to avoid any further vomiting if at all possible, and replies, "Very well, but if you aren’t back in twenty minutes I will track down Obscura myself and send her after you."

　

"You do that," Sebastian says over his shoulder as he walks into the room with the mirror. Seconds later there is a flash of light, and Sebastian is gone.

　

Stefano stays wrapped up as he is for a few minutes until he finishes the coffee and, feeling thoroughly warmed now, he rises and slips on his shoes to set the mug down next to the coffeemaker, which is already brewing another cup. Taking advantage of this time without Sebastian, Stefano pokes around in the digital files a bit more. He is certainly no computer expert, but luckily it seems there is very little protection of the data on this safe house computer.

　

In addition to the information on Lily’s test scores and her consideration for CORE placement, he finds reports on both of her parents. Sebastian’s centers around something called the Beacon Incident, which Stefano gathers from the information provided was the only large-scale STEM activation prior to Union. That still leaves him wondering what exactly STEM is, but he suspects Sebastian will be able to answer that. Lily’s mother, Myra Castellanos, apparently also worked for this Mobius company, and was brought into STEM due to the soothing effect she had on Lily, but it appears that was years ago.

　

On a whim, Stefano types his own name into the data search field, and pulls up a report. He is immediately captivated by the first few paragraphs, which seem to be a short biography of him but describe events that he doesn’t recall actually happening. He has some vague and painful memories about losing his eye that seem to match up with the description here, but a lot of the other events he has no recollection of at all. He could be reading about someone else’s life, for all he knows. Now that he thinks about it, really thinks about it, he doesn’t seem to be able to recall much of anything from before Union. It hadn’t mattered before, because he was creating his art, acting on impulse, living in the moment, and the past didn’t seem important, but it is strange that he can’t remember it at all.

　

He reads further down the page, something about his creative personality, which he thinks is a gross oversimplification of his artistic vision, but he supposes that is how it might present to a layperson. He has just reached the part about being targeted for recruitment for the next STEM activation when there is another flash of light in the other room, and Sebastian strides through the doorway.

　

Stefano looks up from the computer. "Anything to report?"

　

"Yeah," Sebastian answers, raking a hand through his hair, "but I’m not sure where to start."

　

"Start with STEM," Stefano answers, as Sebastian pours a fresh cup of coffee and sits down on the couch. "I gathered from these files that it is some sort of highly unusual technology. What does it do exactly?"

　

"I’m not sure anyone knows what it does exactly," Sebastian says. "But it has to do with linking people’s minds together, on a very large scale in this case."

　

The last piece of the puzzle falls into place, and Stefano stands up and strolls over to the couch. "So Union isn’t a physical location," he states calmly, sitting down with his body angled toward Sebastian.

　

"No," Sebastian replies, "Union isn’t real."

　

"That’s not what I said," Stefano corrects him. "Just because this is taking place in our minds doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Reality is largely a matter of perception after all." Stefano isn’t particularly surprised to learn that Union isn’t a traditional physical place. Ever since he encountered Theodore, all of the rules he used to believe were absolute have gone out the window. But Union still feels real to him, and it is the only place he has been able to call home in quite some time.

　

"I don’t have time for a philosophical discussion," Sebastian sighs. "My point is that our physical bodies are all in some Mobius facility." A dark look crosses his face. "Or at least, what’s left of them." Sebastian goes silent for several seconds.

　

"And Mobius created STEM?" Stefano prompts him.

　

"Sort of," Sebastian answers. "That’s really a story for another day, but Mobius created this version of STEM, with Lily as its Core."

　

Stefano nods, waiting for Sebastian to continue.

　

"Mobius staged a fire at our house the night they took Lily," Sebastian is staring off into space now, voice dull and listless. "Until a few hours ago, I believed she was dead."

　

Sebastian pauses for a long drink of coffee, then passes the mug to Stefano without looking at him.

　

"Apparently, Myra- my wife- knew though. Kidman just sent me her personnel file. She’s been working for Mobius almost the whole time, for years, just to stay close to Lily. And she had a plan to rescue her that Kidman thinks may have set off all of this…" Sebastian seems to be searching for a word to describe the current state of affairs. "…chaos in Union."

　

Stefano takes a sip of coffee and passes the mug back to Sebastian. "And who was involved in this plan?"

　

"Myra, Theodore, Kidman, and another woman named Esmeralda Torres," Sebastian says. "Do you know anything about any of them?" He drinks from the mug again as Stefano speaks.

　

"Aside from Theodore, no. I’m afraid I’ve never heard those other names," Stefano replies, accepting the mug as Sebastian hands it back.

　

"I think Myra was with us in the theatre. It looked like her at least, but she’s changed," Sebastian shakes his head. "Maybe too long in STEM…" his voice trails off.

　

"I suspect Theodore had something to do with it," Stefano offers. "People who cross him seem to end up… damaged afterwards, if they even continue to exist at all. And as he now seems to desire Lily’s power, their interests must have conflicted at some point."

　

Sebastian nods, "Maybe. Kidman said the plan should be our starting point since the people involved are the ones who would have been aware of Lily and most able to manipulate STEM. After what we saw in the theatre, I’m sure Myra has her. I just don’t think Myra is herself anymore, and I don’t think she’ll give Lily up."

　

Sebastian seems to be contemplating the floor as Stefano takes another drink of coffee. He wonders at first why Sebastian isn’t more relieved to have some idea of where Lily is, or at least who has her, but then works through several more steps of logic to arrive at the conclusion that Sebastian is thinking about potentially having to kill his wife to remove Lily from STEM. Stefano doesn’t have any particular feelings on that himself, but he’s aware that it’s the sort of thing that would be troubling to some people, maybe even most people.

　

As Stefano has no idea what the appropriate thing to say at this time would be, he offers the mug back to Sebastian, who takes it, drains it, and stands up to replace it next to the coffeemaker.

　

"Any ideas about how to find Myra?" Stefano suggests tentatively, half-expecting an angry outburst because that is Sebastian’s response to most everything that involves his wife or child.

　

"No," Sebastian sighs, "I guess we’ll just have to-"

　

His radio crackles to life suddenly, and a female voice- not Kidman’s- comes through. Stefano can’t make anything out except "Sebastian" and "help" and what sounds like the snarls and groans of some kind of horrible monster.

　

Sebastian snatches the radio off his belt. "Hoffman!" he bellows into it. "Hoffman, what’s going on?"

　

There is no response, but Sebastian begins to fiddle with the dials.

　

"I’ve got a resonance on that transmission," he announces, collecting his weapons. "Let’s go."

　

"Where?" Stefano asks, standing and stretching and hoping that it’s somewhere that won’t require any alternative forms of transportation.

　

"Back to the business district," Sebastian says.

　

"Of course," Stefano groans. "So eager to play the hero?"

　

"I’m not eager to let anyone die, if that’s what you mean," Sebastian snaps over his shoulder. He has already climbed the steps and is opening the door they originally entered through. "Besides, Hoffman may be able to help us. She’s survived down here longer than most of her teammates, and she’s really good at reading people."

　

"Ah, well I suppose it is time for us to rush to her aid then," Stefano replies, the sarcasm heavy in his voice.

　

As Sebastian leans over the computer terminal, Stefano takes up his place beside him and braces himself for another trip.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Sebastian can fully develop these thoughts, there is a sudden change in the atmosphere of the room. The temperature drops dramatically, and everything takes on a bluish tint. He strains his ears and hears exactly what he was hoping he wouldn’t- the faint singing of an ethereal female voice.
> 
>  
> 
> “Shit,” Sebastian hisses, his breath visible in the air in front of his face. He has already encountered this particular monster before, both here and in the residential district. He isn’t sure exactly what her intentions are, but he knows that if she sees him, she will transport him back to Beacon. He managed to escape last time, but he doesn’t take it for granted that he can do it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by [RiddleArt](https://riddlingmyarts.tumblr.com/).

 

 

The trip through the business district is relatively quiet, which immediately makes Sebastian suspicious. He and Stefano skirt around a group of screeching, babbling, former Union citizens early on, trying to stay out of sight in the bushes. Eventually, they opt to duck behind the bank and then hop a fence to end up in the parking lot of a diner.

 

As they creep up along the side of the diner, alert for any signs of Theodore’s creations or the Guardians or anything that moves, Sebastian notes that the resonance seems to be coming from the empty lot across the street. There’s no one immediately visible there, but he’s sure that if they can get close enough, his communicator will pick up the resonance and at least give them some information about what Hoffman was doing there.

 

Sebastian has to admit that after a few hours of navigating the STEM environment by himself, he much prefers the partner system he and Stefano have established. With a second set of eyes, he no longer feels like his head is constantly on swivel, and he is certain that their odds of surviving any given encounter are much better than his would be alone. Stefano has proven himself to be capable in combat and, to Sebastian’s surprise, Stefano doesn’t seem inclined to abandon him the second things get rough. Sebastian isn’t sure what to make of Stefano’s odd habit of getting sick every time they travel using a mirror or a Mobius computer, but fortunately his symptoms seem to be short-lived.

 

When they are at the edge of the diner parking lot, Sebastian glances down the street to his right and spots some large, amorphous blobs moving around in the intersection, but they’re far enough away that they shouldn’t be able to detect him and Stefano. He crosses the street quickly with Stefano on his heels and ducks behind the next building.

 

He checks his communicator, which shows that the resonance point is getting closer, but strangely the transmission is no more distinct than the first time. If he can get right on top of it, surely the signal will come in more clearly. He moves along the edge of the building for a few more paces, then realizes that to really get close, he’ll have to get out in the open part of the lot.

 

“Wait here,” he cautions Stefano, who nods at him and then turns his attention back to the street, which seems to be the most likely point of attack for any incoming enemies.

 

Sebastian steps away from the building, holding his communicator out in front of him as he moves. He follows the signal, walking until he is forty or fifty feet into the lot. His communicator is telling him that he should be right on top of the signal, but it’s still coming in garbled. He adjusts the dials, not knowing what else to do to improve the transmission.

 

After a minute or so, he glances up at Stefano, who is giving him a quizzical look. Sebastian shrugs back and beckons Stefano over to him, thinking that maybe he will have an idea about what is going on. The only other explanation that Sebastian can think of is that the signal is actually coming from directly below them, but it would be a strange place for an underground passageway. Stefano is about five feet from him when everything goes to shit.

 

The ground beneath them starts to shift and crack and groan, and through the cracks bubbles up the thick, white, waxy substance Sebastian has seen before in the Marrow. Out of the wax rise humanoid figures, dozens and dozens of them, surrounding Sebastian and Stefano in a tight ring, and in the split second before they are completely overrun, Sebastian knows he has to act.

 

He snatches his crossbow off his back, loads up a smoke bolt, and fires it at the ground just ahead of them. Then he grabs Stefano by the arm and dashes forward. They sprint past the smoke grenade right as it goes off, and Sebastian shoulders his way through the circle of enemies, pulling Stefano along behind him.

 

When they are clear of the smoke cloud, Sebastian releases Stefano and chances a look behind him. There is a huge cloud of smoke, but no enemies seem to be following them. In fact, from the sounds coming from inside the cloud, they’re probably attacking each other.

 

“Let’s go.” Stefano’s voice is close to his ear and Stefano’s hand is on his shoulder. “There are too many of them.” Stefano points to the diner, and Sebastian nods.

 

They take off again, darting up the steps and through the door, vaulting the counter, and dropping down onto the floor behind it to take cover. Sebastian leans his back against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. He’s done more sprinting in the last few hours than in the last few years, and his lungs, even here in STEM, are not appreciating it.

 

Stefano quickly crouches down beside him. “What was that?” he whispers.

 

“That was a trap,” Sebastian says. “That was a fucking ambush.” There is no doubt in his mind. They were lured out to that spot and then the trap was sprung, clearly by someone who was powerful enough to either compel Hoffman to craft the resonance or create a false one, to know when they were in the perfect place to set things in motion, and to dispatch dozens of enemies immediately to their location.

 

Sebastian remembers seeing the white, waxy substance on one of his trips through the Marrow, when it took on the shape of a strange, watchful monster, and when he thinks back to being in the theatre he is almost certain that Myra herself was surrounded by, perhaps covered in, the white substance as well.

 

Before Sebastian can fully develop these thoughts, there is a sudden change in the atmosphere of the room. The temperature drops dramatically, and everything takes on a bluish tint. He strains his ears and hears exactly what he was hoping he wouldn’t- the faint singing of an ethereal female voice.

 

“Shit,” Sebastian hisses, his breath visible in the air in front of his face. He has already encountered this particular monster before, both here and in the residential district. He isn’t sure exactly what her intentions are, but he knows that if she sees him, she will transport him back to Beacon. He managed to escape last time, but he doesn’t take it for granted that he can do it again.

 

Stefano twists around to sit beside Sebastian, back pressed against the counter. His posture is rigid, and he’s so still that Sebastian isn’t sure he’s even breathing. Based on his reaction, Sebastian is willing to bet that Stefano is also familiar with this entity.

 

The creepy singing is getting closer, and he hears the doors of the diner fly open. The cold is even more pronounced now, and Sebastian realizes that he is holding his breath too. There is a crackle in Sebastian’s brain like static on a dead radio channel, and the monster or ghost or whatever it is comes partially into view over the counter to their right as she glides toward the back of the diner. Luckily, she is looking ahead, toward the back wall, and doesn’t seem to be aware of Sebastian or Stefano. The static in Sebastian’s head diminishes somewhat as she moves further away.

 

Stefano cautiously leans to his right and peers around the corner, then taps Sebastian on the arm and silently rises into a crouched stance, moving toward the opening in the counter and turning the corner to creep toward the front doors. Sebastian follows suit, as the sound of the singing indicates that the ghost has moved into the kitchen. She doesn’t move particularly fast when she’s singing like this, and if they can just reach the door before she makes a loop back to them, maybe they can avoid her entirely.

 

Unfortunately, when Stefano grasps the door handle and pulls and pushes and almost starts shaking it in frustration, the door doesn’t budge. The singing suggests that the ghost is moving out the other side of the kitchen now, and they need to move so that she doesn’t turn the corner and spot them.

 

Sebastian gestures to the back wall of the diner, because it’s possible that they’ll have better luck with the back door or that they’ll be able to evade her for long enough that she will give up and disappear, as Sebastian has seen her do in some of their previous encounters.

 

Stefano nods and follows Sebastian as he crouch-walks to the back of the diner. Sebastian has just moved behind the counter to peek into the kitchen to make sure it’s safe to enter, when the jukebox next to them roars to life, blaring a rock song at such a high volume that Sebastian knows they are well and truly fucked.

 

The singing stops, and the ghost sweeps across the diner in the blink of an eye, positioning herself between them and the door. Sebastian fully expects to hear her whisper his name, but it’s Stefano’s name that she utters, and Sebastian realizes that she is locked on to Stefano and might not even be able to see Sebastian himself.

 

He grabs Stefano by the arm, hoping that if he can yank him behind the counter and break the ghost’s sight line that maybe they can take cover and make another attempt at hiding from her, but the world around him is already starting to blur and shift and change, and all he can do is hold on to Stefano, who is the only familiar element in this scenario, and wait.

 

The environment that takes shape around them is certainly not Beacon. Sebastian is sure of this, even though he can’t see two inches in front of his face. He and Stefano seem to be stuffed into some kind of closet along with several thick winter coats. It is still bitterly cold, but the ghost’s singing in the distance is fading away, being replaced by a series of loud thumps.

 

The thumps become louder, closer, more rhythmic, and Sebastian recognizes them as heavy footsteps just a few seconds before a nearby door creaks open. There’s a brief moment of silence, and then the footsteps begin again. They aren’t like any footsteps Sebastian has ever heard before. They sound far too heavy to be made by an ordinary person, and there is almost a metallic quality to them as they sound off against the hardwood floors. The static is back in Sebastian’s ears- just a low buzz, but unmistakably there. Whoever is walking around is definitely in the room right outside their hiding place now.

 

A few more thumps, another pause, and then a voice that is one part low baritone rumble, one part mechanical whirring, and one part horrifying nightmare bullshit. “Wake up, little ones,” the words take shape out of the grinding and screeching of some great machine. “I have something to show you.”

 

Stefano, whose leg is pressed up against Sebastian’s, immediately starts shaking so hard that Sebastian is afraid whatever is outside the closet is going to hear the vibrations. Stefano’s breath is coming in short, shallow pants, and Sebastian reaches out in the dark, finds Stefano’s knee, which is about as far as he can reach because they are sitting facing each other with their legs intertwined.

 

Even though there are cold tendrils of dread swirling in his own stomach, he squeezes Stefano’s knee in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture and leans in a little more to whisper, “Stefano-”

 

That’s as far as he gets before there is a bloodcurdling scream from right outside the closet. It sets Sebastian’s every nerve on fire, because it is conveying pure, unadulterated terror and it is definitely being produced by a child.

 

Sebastian makes a dive for what he assumes is the door of the closet, but before he can reach it Stefano lunges from the other side of the closet and tackles him back to the ground. Sebastian finds himself pinned under Stefano’s weight, with Stefano’s hand clamped tightly over his mouth, and Stefano’s voice an urgent whisper in his ear.

 

“Stop it, Sebastian!” Stefano hisses, as the screaming escalates in pitch and intensity. “You can’t do anything. They’re already dead.”

 

Whoever “they” are, they don’t sound dead. Sebastian detects a second screaming child’s voice, interspersed with the sound of impact, the squelching of flesh, the crunching of bone, and he struggles violently to get off the ground, because he has to stop it. He cannot stand by and listen to this horrible crime taking place.

 

But Stefano is almost Sebastian’s equal in height and weight, and he is using all of that weight to keep Sebastian flat on his back on the floor. “If he finds us…” Stefano whispers in his ear, but stops speaking abruptly at the sound of a particularly violent blow. There is only a single voice screaming now.

 

Stefano is still shaking and he buries his face in Sebastian’s neck as though he is trying to block out the sound of the screams. Sebastian takes a deep breath, acknowledges that they are in the ghost woman’s dream world and that it’s almost certain that no one in here can be saved, and stops struggling against Stefano. He allows his arms to encircle Stefano’s body, holding him close as Stefano’s breath tickles his neck in short puffs.

 

Sebastian doesn’t know what he can say to reassure Stefano. He doesn’t know what the hell is happening outside the closet or what it has to do with either of them, but Stefano is clearly upset. Sebastian brings one hand up to cradle his head while the other makes slow passes from his shoulder blades down to the small of his back, then back up.

 

Stefano’s breathing has almost become sobbing now, but he is stifling the noise against Sebastian. There are a few more blows outside the closet, a choking, gurgling sound that turns Sebastian’s stomach, and then a sick, heavy silence that lasts for several seconds.

 

When Sebastian feels he can’t bear the suspense anymore, the heavy footsteps begin again, clunking across the room before the same voice speaks, a deep plaintive sound that is almost lost under the whirring of gears. “Stefano…”

 

Stefano begins to shake harder if that is even possible, and Sebastian, terrified that Stefano is going to make a noise and give away their position, tilts his head to press his lips to Stefano’s hair. “Shhh,” he whispers.

 

The footsteps come in their direction. Each heavy clunk is nearer than the next, and the static is escalating until Sebastian isn’t sure he can stand the sound of it anymore. “Stefano…” the voice groans and grinds out his name again. Sebastian tightens his arms around Stefano, who is still hyperventilating into his neck. There is a pause, but then the footsteps begin to recede, moving back in the direction they came from, gradually getting softer. The crackle of static recedes as well, much to Sebastian’s relief.

 

“Stefano…” the voice is further away now, probably outside the room.

 

Stefano draws in a long, shuddering breath and lifts his head. “We need to move,” he whispers to Sebastian as he shifts himself off of Sebastian as much as he can in the confined space. He pushes open the closet door and crawls over Sebastian, rising to his feet outside the closet. Sebastian follows, finding himself in a bedroom.

 

Moonlight streams in through the windows, gently illuminating three small beds. Sebastian knows he shouldn’t look, that there is nothing he can do about the events that took place here and that he shouldn’t torture himself with these sights, but he takes a few steps closer anyway. His eyes scan the small, crumpled figures in two of the beds. The dark-haired boys can’t be more than six and four years old, and they are bathed in blood, their faces warped and disfigured by deep puncture wounds made by some tool Sebastian can’t even identify.

 

It doesn’t matter how many crime scenes Sebastian has worked. He never gets used to the murder of a child, and he doesn’t want to get used to it. He stands, staring at the remains of these precious, dead children, lost in his own thoughts, and has just noticed that the third bed is empty when Stefano grabs his arm and practically drags him out the door into the hall.

 

It’s a long hallway, with many doors opening onto it, and Stefano leads him down two doors and ducks into a room on the left that turns out to be some sort of office or study. He beckons Sebastian with him as he crouches behind a heavy, intricately carved wooden desk. Sebastian follows suit, turning to confirm that they are shielded from the view of anyone who might pass by the doorway.

 

Sebastian can hear the footsteps again in the distance and the weird, mechanical grinding interspersed with Stefano’s name. The steps are getting closer, the floor starting to shake with the weight of them. Sebastian glances at Stefano who is sitting with his back to the desk, looking straight ahead, and apparently holding his breath.

 

Sebastian knows it’s a bad idea, but he has to see what this thing is that is terrorizing them, so he turns around and leans his upper body down under the foot well of the desk so that he can peer through the area where the privacy panel doesn’t quite reach the floor.

 

His breath catches in his throat, because even after his time in Beacon and Union and all of the strange things he’s seen there, he still doesn’t understand what the fuck he is looking at. Four long, spindly legs that end in chisel-like appendages are responsible for the metallic sound of the footsteps, and the rest of the body, what he can see of it at least, seems to be a blend of moving metal machinery and highly polished wood.

 

 

It’s so close now that the static is back in full force and his vision seems like it’s tearing around the edges.

 

“Stefano…” the voice creaks and rasps again before the monster clunks and whirs away down the hall. Sebastian turns to Stefano, who seems to shake himself out of his daze to make eye contact with Sebastian.

 

“What the fuck is that?” mouths Sebastian.

 

Stefano shakes his head quickly, waits a few more beats for the footsteps to fade away, and then rises to his feet, beckoning Sebastian to follow him. Stefano leaves the study, moving in the opposite direction from the monster, and walks quickly down the hallway, past the bedroom where he and Sebastian were originally hiding, until he reaches a grand staircase.

 

Sebastian follows him down the stairs, taking care to step exactly where Stefano steps in case any of the stairs are noisy, and they reach the bottom without incident. Sebastian is about to head for the front door when there is another ear-splitting scream from upstairs.

 

“Francesco!” a woman’s voice wails. “Francesco, what have you done?” Light, running footsteps sound in the hallway overhead, and Stefano grabs Sebastian’s arm again and pulls him around the corner, down a hallway, and into the kitchen as the footsteps reach the stairs above them.

 

“Maria…” the horrible, grinding voice is back, even though Sebastian is sure he should have heard the creature’s footsteps. “They are sleeping, Maria…”

 

The woman screams again. This one is short and high-pitched, and there is the sound of a brief struggle before someone slams into a wall, shaking the house on its foundation.

 

“Go back to bed, Maria…” the voice rasps. Then there is a loud crunch followed by another scream and another, and Sebastian is fighting the urge to intervene when Stefano grabs his wrist and tugs him toward the kitchen door.

 

No sooner does Stefano open the door and begin to pull Sebastian through it than they are back on the streets of the Union business district in front of the diner. Fortunately, the enemies are no longer in the lot across the street, and it’s blissfully quiet except for a few lingering fires.

 

Stefano staggers a few steps to one of the tables on the outdoor patio and sinks into a chair. He folds his arms on the table and rests his head on them, shoulders heaving with deep breaths.

 

Sebastian is feeling a little weak in the knees himself, so he skirts around Stefano and drops into the chair across from him. While Stefano seems to be collecting himself, Sebastian takes a few moments to reflect on what exactly just happened.

 

He wants to ask Stefano what the fuck all of that was about and who that family was and how Stefano knew exactly where to hide and where the monster wouldn’t go, but he has a sinking feeling that he already knows the answer to all of those questions. He is feeling more and more certain that what he just witnessed was not a nightmare but a memory- a twisted, distorted memory, but a memory all the same- and Stefano’s reactions seem to confirm this.

 

Sebastian finds himself at a loss for words again, because what could there possibly be to say at a time like this? Instead, he reaches across the table and lays a hand on Stefano’s forearm. Stefano lifts his head, though it still sags forward with what Sebastian can only assume is exhaustion. Clearly the memory has taken its toll on him.

 

“Can we talk about any of that?” Sebastian offers, because he has many questions he would like to ask, but he suspects they would not be welcome at the moment.

 

“Fuck, no,” Stefano replies, which makes Sebastian laugh because Stefano rarely swears. He’s afraid that he has offended Stefano at first, because Stefano’s head drops back onto his arms, but then Sebastian sees that his shoulders are shaking in silent laughter as well.

 

“Fair enough,” Sebastian says, giving Stefano’s arm a squeeze before releasing it and reaching to unhook his communicator from his belt. There are no more resonances in their immediate area, which makes Sebastian even more convinced that the first one was a trap.

 

What is more troubling is that all of the evidence is pointing to the trap being set by Myra herself. Sebastian certainly expects to encounter resistance when he tries to take Lily away from Myra. After all, Myra has clearly been warped by her time in STEM, and Sebastian isn’t sure how much of the woman he married is even left.

 

However, Myra fighting back to protect Lily is a very different thing from Myra deliberately setting a trap designed to kill him and Stefano. Myra actually lured them out of the safe house and put them in a position where she could attack them. Not only are Myra’s intentions getting a little scary, but the scope of her power is staggering as well. If she always knows where they are, if she can broadcast false resonances to them, she can make herself as dangerous as Theodore if not more.

 

Sebastian sighs deeply. They need to locate Myra and Lily, put her on the defensive, and press her until he can see whether there is anything left of her to be saved, because if she is going to be actively hunting them the rules of this game have changed considerably.

 

On top of that, even if they can rescue Lily and evade Myra and Theodore, they still need a way to get out of STEM. Kidman’s description of the plan to rescue Lily had been very vague about how the exit from STEM would actually be accomplished. Sebastian assumes that there is some way to extract Mobius agents from STEM, although he also wouldn’t put it past Mobius to just write off anyone who had to enter STEM as collateral damage.

 

Sebastian realizes as he runs through these thoughts that he has subconsciously begun to include Stefano in their escape plans as well, and he has no idea why. Stefano, subdued though he has been recently by the need to ensure his own survival, is still a dangerous man. Taking him out of STEM is like releasing a tiger from the zoo, but it also seems unfair to leave him trapped here.

 

Come to think of it, Sebastian isn’t even sure Stefano wants to leave STEM. The resonances he saw of Stefano prior to their meeting in the theatre made it look like Stefano was having the time of his life. Surely now that Theodore is angry with him, the environment is much less enjoyable, but if they eliminate Theodore in the course of rescuing Lily, will Stefano even want to leave? Once their common enemy is destroyed, will he even continue to cooperate with Sebastian? Or will he try to take back Lily and her power for himself. It’s a real concern, and one that Sebastian hasn’t been taking seriously in the aftermath of everything that has happened to Stefano recently.

 

Sebastian rakes a hand through his hair, setting the communicator down on the table. There are too many variables right now to come up with any kind of detailed plan. They need to locate Myra and Lily and get Lily back. Hopefully by that time he’ll have a better idea of how to answer some of these other questions. He stretches, raising his arms above his head and pushing his legs out straight, because he’s still a bit stiff from being squeezed into a closet with Stefano, even if that wasn’t in the real world.

 

He’s just about to ask Stefano how he’s doing when the communicator crackles to life next to him, and Sykes’ voice comes out of it.

 

“Sebastian, this is Sykes. Do you copy?”

 

It’s been so long since Sebastian has seen Sykes that he’s almost entirely forgotten that there was a third Mobius team member who might be able to help them. He had assumed that Sykes had quietly made his exit through that back door he kept talking about, but it seems like the guy had the decency to stick around and at least fill Sebastian in on what he’s learned.

 

“Have you loud and clear, Sykes. What’s up?”

 

“I found it.” Sykes’ statement is simple, but even over the communicator, Sebastian can feel the charge of excitement it carries.

 

“The back door?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Sykes replies. “But I’m going to need your help. Come by my safe house and I’ll show you what I mean.”

 

“We’re not far from you,” Sebastian says. “We’ll be right over.”

 

“Wait, who’s ‘we’?” Sykes asks.

 

“I’ll explain when we get there,” Sebastian says. He replaces the communicator on his belt, and looks over at Stefano, whose expression is best described as skeptical.

 

“Are you actually proposing that we take time away from finding your daughter to help a Mobius employee?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers without hesitation. “If what he’s saying is true, he may have our only reliable way out of STEM. I’ll need it to get Lily to safety when we find her.” He pauses. “And since when have you been so concerned about Lily?”

 

“Since Theodore told me to find her,” Stefano says, pinching the bridge of his nose and wrinkling his brow in what Sebastian assumes is frustration. “And what if this is another trap?”

 

“I doubt it,” Sebastian replies. “That wasn’t a resonance. That was an actual conversation. Sykes is over there.”

 

“Fine,” Stefano sighs, “Let’s go see about this escape route.”

 

Sebastian stands up himself, waits for Stefano to stand, and confirms that Stefano is steady enough on his feet now to continue. “The safe house isn’t too far from here,” he says.

 

“Lead the way,” replies Stefano.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by [RiddleArt](https://riddlingmyarts.tumblr.com/).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is not just the absence of light. It is a deep, palpable darkness, and Stefano almost feels like he has to swim in order to move through it. Sebastian and Sykes are there of course, and he can see them, but they are indistinct, almost like shadows. Stefano’s ears are filled with rushing noise like the wind, and if anyone is speaking he is unable to hear them. He isn’t sure how, but he can feel the environment shifting around them, rearranging, and he wonders for a moment whether they are moving through space or whether space is moving around them.
> 
>  
> 
> Then he starts to feel the moving and shifting inside his own body, the same sensation he has felt before when he traveled this way or used one of the mirrors, like there is a living entity inside him that is determined to escape.

 

 

The journey to the new safe house turns out to be short and relatively uneventful, much to Stefano’s relief, because he is not feeling particularly enthusiastic about fighting anything at the moment.

 

The encounter with the ghost woman took a lot out of him. He has seen her before, back in the residential district while he was searching for Lily, and he remembers the cold, the emptiness, the feeling that he was just on the cusp of losing part of his mind or even part of his soul.

 

The memories she pulls him into are buried deep in his subconscious, maybe repressed, maybe reprogrammed by Mobius- he can’t be sure- but they are real, and she drags them back into the light.  He hadn’t thought about his childhood since he came to Union and probably couldn’t have recalled it even if he had tried, but now... now he remembers at least that one awful night. And more memories are trickling in behind it.

 

Even worse than the memories is that when she appears to him, there is a part of him that wants to give up. It would be easy to simply let her take him, to slip into the deep, cold, darkness and not have to fight anymore- no more pain, no more fear, no more harsh words from ignorant critics, no more memories. She promises him numbness, emptiness, and he is almost ready to accept her offer of respite.

 

He does still have aspirations though, and of course he needs to be of sound mind, or at least of as sound a mind as he has ever had, in order to realize them. He has things to create, societal norms to challenge, and vast, sweeping changes to incite in the art world, and in order to do any of those things, he needs to see Theodore fall from power, or better yet, harness Lily’s power again. That idea presents its own set of problems, because even with Theodore out of the picture, he’ll have to go through Sebastian to get to Lily, and for some reason the idea of killing Sebastian, even when he no longer needs his cooperation, is not appealing to him at all.

 

But then Sebastian is opening the secure door to the safe house, and he pushes all of these thoughts out of his head. There is no time to dwell on his past or worry about his future. He needs to be in the present if he is going to have a future at all.

 

Sykes looks about like Stefano expected, which is to say exactly like every other Mobius grunt he has been finding around Union and reshaping into his art, although Sykes doesn’t seem to be as well-armed as most of the others.

 

Sykes has a warm smile for Sebastian. “Glad you made it back. I stuck my head outside a little while ago and everything was going crazy.”

 

“Yeah, it’s pretty rough out there right now,” Sebastian replies. “Luckily we weren’t far away when you called.”

 

Sykes’ eyes move to Stefano, looking him up and down with a slightly skeptical air. “Sykes,” he says, giving Stefano a nod.

 

“Stefano Valentini,” Stefano replies, as Sykes shoots Sebastian a sidelong glance.

 

“We’re on the same side, at least for the time being,” Sebastian quickly explains. Sykes nods but doesn’t look entirely convinced.

 

“You said you found the back door?” Sebastian prompts.

 

“Yes,” Sykes is back in his element immediately, waving them over to a computer across the room. “It took me a while. They clearly didn’t want anybody accessing this part of the Marrow, but I know a few tricks that aren’t in Mobius’ book, so I was able to get through.”

 

“How do I fit into all of this?” Sebastian asks. Stefano is privately a little glad that he didn’t say “we”, because he’s not sure he wants any part of this. Rescue missions and other similarly pointless endeavors are of little interest to him.

 

“I went down there to check it out, but the place is overrun with those ‘Lost’ things and the power’s off,” Sykes explains. “I need you to help me clear out the area and restore power so that I can operate the escape pod.”

 

“And what’s in it for me?” Sebastian asks. Stefano smiles a little at this. At first it seems like a very un-Sebastian-like thing to ask, but then Stefano remembers that Mobius did kidnap Sebastian’s daughter, so it make sense that Sebastian isn’t going out of his way to help a Mobius agent without a good reason.

 

“I’ll show you how to use the pod,” Sykes says. Sebastian, who apparently is too guileless to strategically hide his enthusiasm, perks up at this, and Sykes continues, encouraged. “When you find Lily, both of you can use it to get out of STEM.”

 

“Deal,” Sebastian says. He turns to Stefano, “Are you coming?”

 

Stefano is torn between the urge to never travel to the Marrow again under any circumstances, and the sense of dread that he feels when faced with the prospect of Sebastian leaving him. The encounter with the ghost woman had shaken him more than he would ever admit, and the need to stay with Sebastian wins out.

 

“I’m going,” he says with more confidence than he feels.

 

“Okay then, brace yourself,” Sebastian warns. They both lean close over Sykes’ shoulders as he taps at the keyboard, and suddenly the room around them is plunged into blackness.

 

It is not just the absence of light. It is a deep, palpable darkness, and Stefano almost feels like he has to swim in order to move through it. Sebastian and Sykes are there of course, and he can see them, but they are indistinct, almost like shadows. Stefano’s ears are filled with rushing noise like the wind, and if anyone is speaking he is unable to hear them. He isn’t sure how, but he can feel the environment shifting around them, rearranging, and he wonders for a moment whether they are moving through space or whether space is moving around them.

 

Then he starts to feel the moving and shifting inside his own body, the same sensation he has felt before when he traveled this way or used one of the mirrors, like there is a living entity inside him that is determined to escape. His stomach clenches violently, and he doubles over, opening his mouth for the inevitable vomiting episode that will follow and hoping that it will be over with quickly. He is getting used to Sebastian seeing him vulnerable, but Sykes is a complete stranger and a Mobius agent at that.

 

The darkness around him is reforming into the underground hallways of the Marrow. His stomach is still churning and he rests his hands on his knees, because despite his best efforts, he is about to be ill again.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian’s voice echoes in his ears, along with Sebastian’s footsteps as he crosses the floor to put a hand on his shoulder.

 

Stefano is gasping and retching and can’t speak even though he wants to ask Sebastian what is happening to him, because something is wrong. His gut is contracting powerfully, forcing something back up toward his mouth, but it feels strange, different than any of the other times.

 

Whatever it is, it is substantial and at least somewhat solid and forcing its way further and further up. He gasps once more before it closes off his airway and pushes through into the back of his throat. He continues to gag, hoping that if he can get it clear of his body that he’ll be able to breathe again, but then it’s forcing his mouth open, and he can only watch helplessly, jerking upright and staggering backward as it bursts forth.

 

A thick, waxy white… appendage of some sort protrudes from his mouth, forcing his head back slightly as it slides outward and upward. The thing twists, leans to the left and to the right, moving Stefano’s head and neck in the process and causing his stomach to cramp violently.

 

It’s blocking part of his field of vision, but he can still see Sykes, who jumps backward with a shout of surprise, pistol already out of its holster and trained on Stefano, or perhaps the white thing- it doesn’t seem to make much difference at this point.

 

Sebastian pivots from his position at Stefano’s shoulder to place himself between Stefano and Sykes. “Wait!” he commands, arm outstretched with his palm facing out at Sykes. Sykes holds his fire but does not lower his weapon.

 

Stefano, meanwhile is utterly horrified at this new development, this intruder that has taken up residence in his body and is now gagging him, cutting off his airway, and jerking his insides painfully around every time it makes a move.

 

Sebastian turns back to Stefano, and the white waxy thing bends, contorts itself to come level with Sebastian’s face, almost as though it is peering at him.

 

Stefano’s heart is racing as his lungs cry out for air. His hands fly to his throat, stomach clenching up again as the creature twists and turns inside him. His eye locks onto Sebastian’s face, silently begging him to do something… anything. Almost as if he has heard him, Sebastian unsheathes his knife, hesitates for a second, and then plunges it into the white, waxy appendage.

 

Sebastian yanks the knife out quickly, which turns out to be a good thing, because the creature’s response to being stabbed is to retreat abruptly back into Stefano’s mouth and down his throat. The speed and the force of its movements shake everything up even more, and Stefano drops to his hands and knees, gasping for air.

 

No sooner does he draw in a breath than he is vomiting, this time bile and thick strands of the white gooey substance. Sebastian is on the ground next to him in an instant, one hand resting gently between his shoulder blades while the other sweeps his hair back and rests on his forehead. Stefano doesn’t know where Sykes is. Sykes may as well not exist, because his whole world right now is pain and nausea and needing to breathe and feeling like he’s choking on vomit and Sebastian’s hands resting on him and Sebastian’s murmured reassurances in his ears.

 

Finally, the contracting and twisting in his gut starts to ebb away, and he draws in a few good breaths of air, and the panic begins to subside. He slumps forward, letting Sebastian’s hand on his forehead halt his progress, because he is almost too exhausted to hold himself up anymore.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says quietly. “Let me help you stand. We’re going to find somewhere safe that you can sit down.” Stefano lets Sebastian pull him to his feet, though he feels like he is supporting little of his own weight. Sebastian slings one of Stefano’s arms over his shoulders, but on the first step they attempt, Stefano knees buckle, and he has just resigned himself to collapsing onto the cement floor when he feels himself swooped up in Sebastian’s arms bridal-style and held securely against his chest.

 

Stefano attempts to struggle for a moment, to take back control of his own body, but he feels so weak and so miserable, and after all, it’s Sebastian who is holding him so carefully.

 

“Relax, I’ve got you,” Sebastian says softly, and Stefano just lets himself go limp, lets his head rest against Sebastian’s shoulder, and submits. He allows Sebastian to carry him down the hall, smiling slightly as Sebastian admonishes Sykes to point his gun somewhere else.

 

It’s less than a minute before Sykes is speaking to Sebastian. “This is the escape pod control center. He can sit down in here while you clear out the rest of the area.”

 

Then there is the sound of a door opening and Sebastian is carefully setting him down in an office chair. The chair is reasonably comfortable but lacks the warmth and sense of security that Stefano felt when resting on Sebastian. Stefano is tempted to protest this, but realizes that it probably won’t do any good. They did come down here for a reason after all.

 

Stefano lets his head loll back against the chair, feeling sore and boneless and still very nauseated. Sebastian crouches down beside him and places one hand on the side of his face, thumb gently brushing his cheek.

 

“I’m going to go clear out any enemies in the power room and get the power back on,” Sebastian says. “Stay here. I’ll be back.”

 

As much as Stefano doesn’t wish to be left behind, he knows that he isn’t strong enough to accompany Sebastian at this moment, especially if there are going to be enemies. He nods slightly, a bit afraid that if he opens his mouth again something awful is going to come out of it.

 

“Sykes, are you coming?” Sebastian asks as he stands and turns to the other man.

 

“I’d rather not if I don’t have to,” Sykes replies, holstering his pistol. “I’m a programmer. Combat isn’t really my forte.”

 

“That’s fine,” Sebastian says. “Stay here and keep an eye on Stefano. If anything happens, yell for me.” He gives Sykes a hard stare. “Don’t shoot him,” he says finally, as he steps out of the control room, closing the door behind him.

 

Sykes leans up against the door, as if he’s afraid to get too close to Stefano. “You alright?” he asks.

 

Stefano shrugs his shoulders in an exaggerated manner, still afraid to speak.

 

“I’ve never seen anything like that, and I’ve seen some weird shit in here,” Sykes continues, shaking his head. “So are you helping Sebastian find the Core?”

 

Stefano considers just nodding, but at some point he’s going to have to speak again. “Yes,” he says, voice sounding strained and foreign to his ears. “Sebastian and I are looking for Lily.”

 

Sykes nods. “That Sebastian is something,” he says as he gestures over his shoulder toward the door. “To go back into STEM voluntarily after what happened the last time he was in… but I guess that’s what you do for your family,” he continues. “I wouldn’t know. I don’t really have anyone like that.”

 

Stefano nods. He doesn’t have anyone like that either. He hasn’t for a long time. “What happened the last time Sebastian was in STEM?” he asks.

 

“Well, I wasn’t around for that,” Sykes says. “But apparently STEM was even less stable. It wasn’t a controlled test environment that time. The Core was a psychopath who had his own agenda and was very aware of what he was doing. Sebastian and his partner were literally trapped inside his mind.” He pauses. “That’s the stuff of nightmares if you ask me.”

 

Stefano raises an eyebrow. “His partner?”

 

“Yeah,” Sykes answers. “I don’t know what happened to the guy, but apparently he went in with another detective and a couple of others who didn’t make it back out.”

 

The sound of gunfire a few rooms away causes them both to lapse into a tense silence. The shots sound planned, calculated- not frantic- and Stefano slowly relaxes, looking back at Sykes, who he notes is now regarding his face with some curiosity. After the dramatic events of the last few minutes, Stefano hasn’t been terribly concerned about his appearance, but now he brushes his hair back into place, hiding his bad eye.

 

“Why would Mobius give Sebastian the chance to rescue Lily?” Stefano asks. “Don’t they need her to keep Union up and running?”

 

“Yeah, they do,” Sykes nods. “I don’t know the big picture. I’m more of a boots-on-the-ground guy, but I’m willing to bet that they have a plan to put into action once Sebastian gets his hands on Lily, and that plan won’t involve either one of them making it out of STEM intact.”

 

“But it is possible to get out of STEM?” Stefano presses.

 

“Well, someone on the outside can set up an extraction point, but if you’re working without help from the outside, then your only option is what we’re about to try here,” Sykes says, gesturing toward a room separated from the control room by a large window. Stefano glances over, though the movement jars his neck uncomfortably, and sees a bathtub-like structure surrounded by computer monitors.

 

“And you seem to have some confidence that this will work?” Stefano asks.

 

“I have some confidence that this is the only option for me. Mobius abandoned us in here. The only way I’m getting out is to take matters into my own hands.”

 

Stefano remains silent, and Sykes continues, “This escape pod setup was tested earlier in the STEM project. The success rate is only twenty-five percent, but it’s a hell of a lot better than the zero percent chance of survival if I stay here and do nothing.”

 

“You don’ think there is any chance of Union becoming re-stabilized?” Stefano asks.

 

“No, I don’t,” Sykes says. “We’re way past that. Maybe if they’d brought Sebastian in earlier we would have had a chance. But this was their last-ditch effort, and this place is just too far gone- too much damage to the environment, too much damage to the Core. Even if Mobius’ final plan goes off as they hope, there’s no guarantee that the Core will be stable when it’s put back in place.”

 

Hearing Lily referred to as “it” makes Stefano flinch, though he can’t explain why and doesn’t have time to dwell on it. “Do you think that Lily herself is being damaged by all of this?” He gestures vaguely in the air around him.

 

“Well, it can’t be good for her,” Sykes answers. “It seems like STEM does some mental damage to everyone who enters, arguably less if they are properly prepared, but the shit that’s going on out there now… I wouldn’t want a kid to see that.”

 

Stefano hasn’t considered that Lily may be a less suitable Core after this experience, but it stands to reason that this may affect her in some way. He wonders if the innocence, the purity that he drew inspiration from will be gone after this. He is deep in thought when the lights in the room come on and the computers around them power up and start going through their start-up procedure.

 

“Guess Sebastian’s still alive,” Sykes observes.

 

Stefano nods in relief, before a few more gunshots ring out. There is the sound of a scuffle in the hallway outside followed by two more gunshots, but then everything quiets down. Sykes moves away from the door and trains his gun on it, but when it swings open, it’s Sebastian on the other side, and all three of them breathe a collective sigh of relief.

 

Sykes holsters his gun and drops into the chair beside Stefano. Stefano scoots himself out of the way a bit so that Sykes can access all of the controls, though any kind of movement still makes his stomach ache and his throat tighten.

 

While Sykes is absorbed in the computer monitors, Sebastian gives Stefano a meaningful look. Stefano shrugs. He doesn’t know if he’s okay. He doesn’t know what just happened. He doesn’t know anything really, and it’s terrifying to admit that. Sebastian just nods, places a hand on Stefano’s shoulder, and squeezes it encouragingly.

 

“Okay, here we go,” Sykes says, and Sebastian takes a step back from Stefano. “Couldn’t have done it without you, Sebastian.”

 

“Do you really think this will work?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano wonders if they are about to review the whole conversation he and Sykes just had.

 

“No, but at this point anything’s worth a try,” Sykes replies. He beckons Sebastian over and gestures at the computer monitor. “When you come down here with Lily, you’ll see this timer. Turn it a quarter rotation and push this button. You’ll have sixty seconds to climb into the pod. You and Lily should be able to fit in there together.”

 

Sebastian nods. “I’m not going to try to talk you out of this. You’ve clearly made up your mind, but good luck.”

 

“Luck’s all I’ve got now,” Sykes replies, “so let’s hope it doesn’t run out.” He turns the timer, presses a button on the keyboard, then stands and moves quickly into the next room, climbing into the bathtub and giving them a thumbs-up through the glass as the room starts to fill up with smoke.

 

Stefano and Sebastian watch until the smoke fills the room completely, then dissipates, leaving an empty bathtub. Another few seconds pass in silence, before Sebastian speaks.

 

“I wonder if he made it.”

 

“Who knows,” Stefano replies. “He said there was only a twenty-five percent success rate, but he was willing to try it anyway.”

 

“Twenty-five percent success rate?” Sebastian sounds affronted. “And he thinks I’m going to risk Lily’s life like that?”

 

“The way he explained it there are no other known ways to exit STEM without help from outside,” Stefano says. “You may have no other choice.”

 

“We’ll find another way,” Sebastian growls, and the determination in his voice tells Stefano that there is no sense in arguing with him on this point.

 

Stefano remains seated, trying to collect himself, while Sebastian enters the escape pod room. He studies the monitors, picks up a syringe and what appears to be another weapon, and then returns to the control room.

 

“I’m starting to think this whole trip was a waste of our time,” Sebastian says with a scowl.

 

Stefano isn’t going to argue. He would certainly be much happier if they hadn’t come down here in the first place, and he is absolutely dreading the trip back. Sebastian must be able to read it on his face, because his expression softens.

 

“We can wait a few minutes if you don’t feel up to going back yet,” Sebastian says.

 

“No, let’s get it over with,” Stefano says. If he’s going to have his body turned forcefully inside-out again, he’d rather just do it than have to anticipate it.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says, extending a hand to him. “Can you walk?”

 

“I think so,” Stefano takes Sebastian’s hand and allows Sebastian to pull him to his feet. He discovers quickly that he may have overstated his abilities when he slumps forward onto Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian catches him under the arms, supporting him until he finds his feet again.

 

Stefano takes a moment to breath and focus, because there is nothing wrong with his legs. There is no reason that he can’t stand and walk at the moment, but he just feels so beaten down, so exhausted from his earlier experience, and it is difficult to ignore the pain in his stomach long enough to put one foot in front of the other.

 

Without saying a word, Sebastian shifts himself to Stefano’s side and pulls one of Stefano’s arms over his shoulders, taking some of his weight. His other arm encircles Stefano’s waist, and his hand almost comes to rest on Stefano’s abdomen before Stefano flinches hard and Sebastian murmurs an apology and readjusts so that his hand is grasping Stefano’s hip.

 

“Ready?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, and they make their way awkwardly back to the computer they used to enter this area of the Marrow.  When they reach it, Sebastian glances at Stefano who nods, because there’s no sense in waiting to do this. The experience isn’t going to be any different if he puts it off for a few minutes.

 

“Hold on to me,” Sebastian tells Stefano before he releases Stefano’s arm and begins to type on the keyboard.

 

Stefano holds on to Sebastian’s shoulder more tightly than is probably necessary, even when Sebastian’s hand returns to grasp his arm again, because the blackness is closing in around them. He turns slightly toward Sebastian, pressing his face into Sebastian’s neck as though that will somehow alleviate the cold tendrils of dread that are already tickling his insides. His stomach feels like it’s flipping over again and again, and as the safe house materializes around him, he bends forward, taking Sebastian with him down to the floor.

 

Sebastian releases Stefano’s arm so that he can support himself with it as he heaves, unable to stop but terrified that if he keeps this up, that thing will force its way out of his mouth once again. But it seems that nothing is coming up this time, even though his stomach contracts just as violently as if it was actually expelling something.

 

Finally, the heaving subsides and Stefano, unable to support himself any more, collapses onto his side on the floor, pulling his knees up toward his chest and wrapping his arms around himself. His stomach still feels like it’s twisting in on itself, and before he can stop it, a whimper escapes his throat. He feels so utterly wretched at the moment that he can’t bring himself to care.

 

Sebastian is on him immediately, of course. “It’s alright,” he murmurs, rubbing Stefano’s arm soothingly. “Just relax. It’ll pass.”

 

Stefano isn’t so sure this is going to pass as easily as Sebastian seems to think, but he takes some deep breaths and makes a conscious effort to unclench all of his muscles. He’s still in a fetal position on the floor, but he isn’t wrapped so tightly around himself anymore, and he’s not surprised at all when Sebastian’s hand takes advantage of the extra space to slide around to his chest and then hesitantly down to his belly.

 

Sebastian pauses here for a moment, making eye contact with Stefano as though asking permission to continue. Stefano sighs deeply and cautiously rolls onto his back, stretching his legs out and letting his arms fall to his sides, because he knows by now that if Sebastian wants to put his hands on him, it’s better just to let him have at it. And he’s not entirely averse to the idea of Sebastian’s hands on him again- not averse at all, in fact.

 

Sebastian removes his hand for a moment so that he can shift himself to sit closer to Stefano. “Do you have any idea what that was about?” he asks quietly as both of his hands come to rest lightly on Stefano’s upper abdomen.

 

Stefano flinches reflexively, but Sebastian’s touch is very gentle, and Stefano wills himself to relax. “No,” he replies. “I have no idea.” Sebastian’s hands slowly slide down to just above Stefano’s hips. He struggles to keep his breathing steady, because his stomach is still hurting badly and one wrong move on Sebastian’s part could be very painful.

 

“Although it probably has something to do with that fluid they made me drink,” Stefano says as Sebastian’s hands begin to make slow circles up his flanks, meeting at his sternum, then down the front of his body and out to his hips again. “It did have a similar color to… whatever that was.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says. “I have a theory about that too.” He frowns, stilling his hands for a moment. “Is it alright if I use a little more pressure?”

 

“Yes, but be careful,” Stefano replies. “It’s a painful area at the moment.”

 

Sebastian nods and unbuttons Stefano’s jacket, laying it open on either side of him so that he is only covered by his dress shirt. Stefano raises an eyebrow, but Sebastian doesn’t seem to notice. “Let me know if you need me to stop,” Sebastian says. He starts just below Stefano’s ribs, pressing his fingers in more firmly this time, actually palpating Stefano’s abdomen so that Stefano has the impression this is becoming more of a medical exam.

 

“So eager to play doctor again?” Stefano teases.

 

Sebastian smiles, and Stefano is fairly certain that it’s the first time he’s seen that smile outside of a combat high. “I don’t have to play doctor. I am… or I was an EMT.”

 

“With the police force?” Stefano asks, wincing as Sebastian presses into a sore spot.

 

“Yeah, everybody has to have at least first responder level medical training,” Sebastian replies, sliding his hands lower before pressing down again. Stefano grunts in discomfort and Sebastian eases up a little, still feeling around, but with a lighter touch.

 

“I’m not sure that qualifies you to make any sort of diagnosis here,” Stefano says, taking deep breaths to steady himself.

 

“I’m not sure anyone is qualified to make any sort of diagnosis here,” Sebastian replies. “I think we’re pretty far from traditional medicine.” His hands slide even lower, low enough that he’s in danger of touching something that is definitely not going to help him assess Stefano’s condition, but then he is removing them from Stefano’s body and looking back at his face.

 

“Good news.  You still have all of your internal organs,” Sebastian announces.

 

“What a relief,” Stefano replies with no small amount of sarcasm, because he’s fairly confident that Sebastian’s EMT training doesn’t qualify him to make that kind of assessment, and also that the problem isn’t the presence of his internal organs but of something else entirely.

 

“Let’s get you a cup of coffee,” Sebastian suggests. “Then I’ve got a few more questions for you.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano says. He’s not sure his stomach will tolerate coffee, but he is willing to give it a try, and after his conversation with Sykes, he has a few questions for Sebastian as well.

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian takes a seat on a wooden crate opposite Stefano, watching Stefano sip his coffee and wondering what the monster inside of him is doing at the moment. His thoughts must show on his face, because Stefano lowers his coffee mug and sighs deeply.
> 
> “Afraid to be close to me now?” he asks. “I’m not going to attack you, you know.”
> 
> Sebastian acknowledges that he probably would be sitting closer if Stefano hadn’t recently produced a large aggressive tentacle, but by all appearances, Stefano is himself again. They haven’t had a real break in the action since before the diner, and of course Stefano would be seeking comfort now, even if he won’t ask for it directly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by [Ruvikkin](https://ruvikkin-art.tumblr.com/).

 

 

Sebastian takes a full cup of coffee from the coffeemaker, crosses the room and bends to hand it to Stefano, who has righted himself and is sitting with his back up against the wall between a table and a file cabinet.

 

“Thank you,” Stefano says, voice raspy again, and Sebastian wonders if the coffee is going to do any good in this situation.  Is this new “condition” of Stefano’s like a parasitic organism or a cancer?  Is it going to rob Stefano of any nutrients or healing benefits he would otherwise be receiving?  But the coffee seemed to help him before, and this... thing had to have been inside him at that time as well, though lying dormant.

 

And it must be pretty dormant at the moment, because Sebastian couldn’t feel anything at all when he was touching Stefano’s abdomen a few minutes ago.  While he hadn’t corrected Stefano’s impression that he was playing doctor, he was actually hoping to feel something, anything, that would give him an idea of how much of the person before him is Stefano and how much is some kind of monster.  While he does have some loyalty to their partnership, if Stefano’s condition deteriorates to the point that he actually becomes an impediment to rescuing Lily, then Sebastian is going to have to make a difficult decision.  Not a difficult decision, he corrects himself, but a sad one nonetheless.

 

Sebastian takes a seat on a wooden crate opposite Stefano, watching Stefano sip his coffee and wondering what the monster inside of him is doing at the moment.  His thoughts must show on his face, because Stefano lowers his coffee mug and sighs deeply.

 

“Afraid to be close to me now?” he asks.  “I’m not going to attack you, you know.”

 

Sebastian acknowledges that he probably would be sitting closer if Stefano hadn’t recently produced a large aggressive tentacle, but by all appearances, Stefano is himself again.  They haven’t had a real break in the action since before the diner, and of course Stefano would be seeking comfort now, even if he won’t ask for it directly.

 

“Do you want me to sit closer to you?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Suit yourself,” Stefano shrugs, but his indifferent act doesn’t fool Sebastian for a second.

 

Sebastian rises, sets his weapons down on the crate, and crosses the room.  He puts his back to the wall Stefano is sitting against and slides down it so that he is seated next to Stefano on the cold concrete floor.

 

“Well this is uncomfortable,” Sebastian observes.  He looks around the room, but there is literally nothing soft in the entire safe house.  Even the furniture is only tables and metal folding chairs, so there is really no choice but to stay put and try to make the best of it.  Stefano clearly needs to rest, and Sebastian isn’t going to risk taking him back outside to get to a more comfortable safe house.

 

He turns to Stefano.  “How are you doing?”

 

“Everything hurts,” Stefano says quietly, as though he hates to admit it.

 

Sebastian nods in sympathy.  Stefano sounds so broken right now, even as he is drinking the healing coffee.  Sebastian can’t even begin to imagine how it feels to Stefano to have his body invaded again so soon after his experience in the dungeon.  He has questions for Stefano, questions about what happened in the diner and what happened in the Marrow, but it seems inhumane to ask him to answer any of them now, when he is so clearly feeling like shit.

 

They sit in silence for a few minutes as Stefano breathes deeply and finishes his cup of coffee.  Sebastian takes the mug and replaces it on the coffeemaker before returning to his place on the floor beside Stefano.  Stefano has drawn his knees up toward his chest and wrapped his arms around them.  Sebastian can’t tell whether he is cold or trying to protect himself or both, but his expression is strained and focused on the floor in front of him.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sebastian asks, placing a hand on Stefano’s shoulder.  Stefano’s eye flicks up to meet Sebastian’s and in that moment, after everything that he’s seen happen to Stefano, it’s just too much for Sebastian.

 

“Come here,” Sebastian says softly, gathering Stefano into his arms and shifting him carefully, so as not to jar him any more than necessary.  He rearranges Stefano so that he is sitting in front of Sebastian with his back pressed to Sebastian’s chest and Sebastian’s legs on either side of his hips.  Stefano’s warm weight on his chest is comforting to Sebastian, and he hopes that some human contact will comfort Stefano as well.

 

“Just relax for a minute,” Sebastian says, rubbing Stefano’s arms and legs lightly in hopes of getting him to unclench himself.  This proves ineffective, so Sebastian tries running his hands up and down Stefano’s sides, which makes Stefano’s breath hitch but doesn’t seem to relax him at all.  Finally, he lets his hands come to rest on Stefano’s abdomen, just above and below Stefano’s arms.  Only then does Stefano loosen his grip on himself.

 

“That’s right.  I’ve got you,” Sebastian murmurs.  Stefano heaves a deep sigh and allows his head to fall back onto Sebastian’s shoulder.

 

“Keep your hands there, please,” Stefano says quietly as his own arms drop to rest on Sebastian’s legs, and Sebastian does.  It’s almost as though Stefano believes that Sebastian keeping his hands there will somehow stop the creature from emerging again.  Sebastian is sure it won’t be that simple, but if the gentle pressure there makes Stefano feel more secure, then he is certainly willing to keep doing it.

 

Stefano’s breathing evens out a little over the next few minutes, and he finally starts to fully relax back against Sebastian.

 

“Any better?” Sebastian asks as Stefano shifts a little against him.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “Just very sore all over… on the inside at least.  You can move your hands now if you wish.”

 

Sebastian isn’t sure exactly what Stefano means, but his instincts guide his hands to areas he thinks are likely to be painful or sore in hopes of easing Stefano’s suffering or at least providing some comfort.  One hand stays low on Stefano’s belly while the other slides up his body, along his chest, and up to his throat, which Sebastian gently rubs with his palm before letting his hand slip back down again.

 

“You said you had a theory?” Stefano asks after a few seconds.

 

“Well, less of a theory and more of a set of ideas,” Sebastian answers.

 

“I’m interested in any ideas you have at this point,” Stefano says.

 

“I’ve seen that white stuff before- not just when you were throwing up, but before the theatre, right after City Hall.  It was all over a couple of rooms in the Marrow, and in one of them it had actually taken on a form that was kind of like what happened to you.”  He realizes that he has unconsciously begun making slow circles on Stefano’s belly with his hand, but Stefano doesn’t seem to be objecting.

 

“Anyway, that creature sort of looked for me as I snuck through one of the rooms down there.  Then I saw it again in the theatre,” Sebastian says, because seeing the white appendage emerge from Stefano’s mouth has jogged his memory about what happened in the theatre.  “It wasn’t just that Myra was covered in the white goo.  It actually formed the creature again, and the creature took Myra and Lily and sank down through the floor with them.  I didn’t remember until now.”

 

“So this creature is controlled by Myra?” Stefano asks, stretching his legs out straight in front of him.

 

“It definitely seemed that way in the theatre,” Sebastian replies, then pauses, because his next question is a little touchy.  “Did it feel like you were able to control yours at all?”

 

“No,” Stefano answers quickly with a shudder, and Sebastian responds by wrapping his arms around Stefano’s chest tightly.  He hates to bring back such an unpleasant memory, but the question needs to be asked.  “I couldn’t control it at all,” Stefano continues, his breath coming faster.  “It was just thrashing around inside me, choking me, and it hurt-”.  His voice breaks, but he presses on, “-so much.  There was no controlling it.”

 

Sebastian holds Stefano firmly against his chest until Stefano’s breathing calms and he speaks again.  “Do you think Myra is controlling it now?”

 

“It’s possible,” Sebastian says; then after a moment’s deliberation, “Actually I would say it’s likely.  I can’t think of another explanation.”

 

“But why?” Stefano asks.  “Why would she be doing this?”

 

“Well,” Sebastian says, trying to figure out how to say this tactfully.  “She might be angry at you for kidnapping her daughter.”

 

“But even if she is, what purpose does it serve?” Stefano sighs, turning his head to look up at Sebastian.

 

“To slow us down?  It does seem to make it difficult for you to travel sometimes.  Maybe surveillance-”

 

“But Sebastian,” Stefano interrupts, shaking his head before letting it come to rest on Sebastian’s shoulder again.  “It was Theodore’s men who put this in me.  Not Myra.”

 

“Are you sure about that?  Could you really tell who they were working for in… in the state that you were in?”  It is still difficult for Sebastian to think about the state Stefano was in when Sebastian found him.

 

“Does Myra have legions of followers?” Stefano asks, the sarcasm evident in his voice.

 

“No,” Sebastian concedes.

 

“Besides, I don’t see how anyone else could operate in Theodore’s realm without his leave,” Stefano points out.

 

This does make sense, but it starts Sebastian on a whole new train of thought.  “What if she had his permission?”

 

“Excuse me?” Stefano doesn’t sound like he is following Sebastian’s new direction.

 

“What if they were working together?” Sebastian presses.

 

“Would they ever work together?” Stefano counters, trying to twist in Sebastian’s arms to look him in the face, but doubling over on himself with a yelp as he apparently aggravates a painful area.

 

“Easy,” Sebastian takes him by the shoulders and carefully turns him back around so that Stefano’s back is pressed against his chest again.  He lets one hand move to rest on Stefano’s abdomen, and his other arm wraps around Stefano’s chest before he turns his attention back to his question.

 

“They entered STEM working together on the plan to rescue Lily,” Sebastian points out.  “At least, until Theodore showed his true colors.”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “But by the time we all met up in the theatre, it seems that their interests had diverged.”

 

“But we don’t know when or how,” Sebastian sighs.  “I feel like we’re just going around in circles.”

 

“It would be helpful to know the true nature of the substance,” Stefano suggests.  “I think if we knew that, we would be much closer to figuring out who was involved in this and why.”

 

“I guess it’s also possible that it was just part of the torture,” Sebastian suggests.  “If Theodore wanted to extend your… discomfort.”

 

“In that case, it’s working,” Stefano says, bringing one of his hands up to cover Sebastian’s.  “I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.”

 

“Hang in there,” Sebastian says quietly, turning his face toward Stefano’s. “We’re going to get Lily and we’re going to get out of here.”  He realizes the second the words are out of his mouth that he has said more than he intended.

 

Stefano apparently didn’t miss the significance of his words, because he tries to twist in Sebastian’s arms again, but Sebastian tightens his grip.  “Don’t.  You’ll hurt yourself,” he says.  Then after a pause, “I know what I said.”

 

“And you are aware that this is a weakness that Theodore or others could exploit?” Stefano asks.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.  “Remember, I used to be a detective.  There are plenty of people who will exploit basic human decency.”

 

“Well then, it’s a wonder you are still so decent,” Stefano says, squirming his way backward a little further into Sebastian’s embrace, which gives Sebastian a warm, tingling sensation everywhere Stefano’s body is touching his.

 

Several seconds pass in comfortable silence until Sebastian figures out how to broach the next topic.  Deciding there is no subtle way to do it, he opts for the straightforward approach.

 

“Can I ask you about what happened in the diner?”

 

Stefano’s whole body tenses.  “Oh,” he says.  “I was afraid we might come back to this at some point.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says.  “I’ve seen that ghost before, but she took me to places from my own past.  I didn’t expect to see…” His voice trails off as he thinks about what he actually saw.

 

“I would imagine that whoever she is focused on is the one whose memories will be displayed,” Stefano says, still rigid in Sebastian’s arms.  “I have encountered her before as well.”

 

“And that was your memory we were seeing?” Sebastian prompts.

 

“Yes,” Stefano sighs deeply.  “I will tell you what I remember, but let me get more comfortable first.  My legs are starting to go numb.”

 

Sebastian helps Stefano reposition himself so that he is lying with his head in Sebastian’s lap.  He seems to be a bit stronger and he’s able to make some movements without flinching, which Sebastian sees as an improvement.  Sebastian’s hand comes to rest on Stefano’s chest, where he can feel Stefano’s heart beating steadily.

 

“That was my childhood home in Florence, as I’m sure you gathered,” Stefano begins, his eye flicking once to Sebastian’s face before fixing on the ceiling.  Sebastian nods.  He’s learned that when someone is describing a traumatic event, it’s best not to break the flow of their story with questions or comments until they’ve gotten through it at least once.

 

“I lived there until I was eight years old with my parents and my two younger brothers.  We were relatively well-off.”  Sebastian could have figured that out based on the house.  It was huge, in the memory at least, and he didn’t even see all of it.

 

“My father made fine furniture.  He was the consummate craftsman- a complete perfectionist and absorbed in his work often to the exclusion of everything else.  My mother was… a bit cold.  She did take good care of us, but it seemed to be more out of a sense of duty than anything else.  I never felt particularly close to her.”  Sebastian of course thinks of Myra, who was a warm and loving mother as well as a tough, no-nonsense detective.  He’s not sure what Myra is now, and he is afraid to find out.  He turns his attention back to Stefano’s story.

 

“I don’t know what precipitated the events that you saw.  My father and I had argued that day, but we argued often.  He believed that I would learn his trade and take over the family business.  I appreciated his craft, truly, but my interest lay in a different craft- painting and sculpting, at that time.

 

“My father did not approve of my artistic pursuits.  Art had to be functional, according to him.  It had to serve some purpose in day-to-day life, otherwise it had no worth.  He thought I was wasting my life; I thought he wanted to control my life.  We fought about it quite a bit, especially because he expected me to begin an apprenticeship when I got older.”

 

Sebastian is saddened by Stefano’s words.  Maybe it’s because he was robbed of the chance to spend the last five years with Lily, but it sounds like Stefano’s father missed out on the chance to have a relationship with his son, and Sebastian can’t imagine why anyone would give that up voluntarily.  Then he remembers how Stefano was staring at Lily’s artwork displayed in his office.  He had assumed that Stefano couldn’t appreciate the bond between father and child because he’s a psychopath, but maybe it’s because he never got to experience it.

 

“At any rate, I went to bed that night in my room with my brothers.  I couldn’t sleep, so I had gone into the closet and turned the light on so that I could work on my drawing.  My father would be very angry if he caught me out of bed and especially doing that, so I had learned how to keep it hidden from him.

 

“It must have been after midnight when I heard his footsteps in the hallway.”  Stefano’s heart is beating faster now, and Sebastian lets his hand move in slow circles on Stefano’s chest.  “Not the same way that we heard them in that memory, but still… something was off about them.

 

“The rest of the night played out essentially the way that we experienced it in the memory, except that there was no monster- just my father… with his chisel,” Stefano says, his voice getting softer and softer.  Sebastian shivers at that.  There’s something especially horrible about a chisel as a murder weapon, and it’s even worse when he remembers that two of the victims were small children and that there would have been a third victim if Stefano hadn’t been out of bed at the time.

 

“I hid from him until I was able to sneak out the back door while… while he was killing my mother,” Stefano continues.  “At the time I felt… I felt like I should have done something, like I should have tried to save them.”

 

“There’s nothing you could have done,” Sebastian says quietly, one hand still makes circles on Stefano’s chest while the other comes to rest on his forehead.  “You were a child- eight years old.  You couldn’t have taken on a grown man with a weapon.”

 

“Perhaps,” Stefano replies, letting his eye close, “but I still felt as though I had failed, the same way I had failed to be the son my father wanted.  Again, that is how I remember feeling at the time.  When I think of it now, I feel almost nothing.”  He sighs before continuing, “My grandparents took me in, but as soon as I was old enough I got out of Florence, out of Italy actually.  That’s why I took the position as a war photographer- because I couldn’t be there anymore.”

 

After a few moments, Stefano adds, “I didn't even remember any of this until the diner.  I think something is wrong with my memory.”

 

”I think that’s a side effect of time in STEM,” Sebastian says.  “I wouldn’t stress over it too much.”

 

”Perhaps,” Stefano replies.

 

Stefano falls silent then, breathing deeply as his heart rate begins to slow down.  Sebastian wants to ask why Stefano’s father did what he did, but years of experience dealing with criminals tell him that there may not be a reason, and that certainly Stefano’s eight-year-old mind must have turned over that question countless times.  It’s not a fair question to ask him, even now, so Sebastian simply lets the silence stretch on.

  
He also briefly wonders why he was able to understand Stefano’s father and mother speaking in the memory- whether it was a bilingual household or whether the memory was presented in English because that’s what Stefano seems to be speaking now.  This doesn’t seem to be important enough to ask about though.

 

He finds himself moving the hand that was resting on Stefano’s forehead to card his fingers through Stefano’s hair.  He curls his hand around the back of Stefano’s head, scratching lightly at his scalp, and Stefano moans out loud.  Sebastian freezes.

 

“Okay?” he asks, because Stefano didn’t sound like he was in pain, but Sebastian is still treading very carefully whenever he touches Stefano.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, keeping his eye closed.  “That actually feels quite nice.”

 

Sebastian smiles at that, because it makes him feel a little warmer on the inside to see Stefano actually enjoying Sebastian’s hands on him.  Sebastian shifts both hands to Stefano’s head and continues his gentle massage of Stefano’s scalp, listening to the little noises of enjoyment Stefano makes as his fingers work through his hair.  He’s not sure that Stefano even knows he’s doing it, but soft moans are escaping him as Sebastian manipulates certain areas, pressing and rubbing and lightly scratching.

 

Sebastian realizes as he is working that he has unintentionally uncovered Stefano’s bad eye, but Stefano doesn’t seem to notice at the moment.  It isn’t closed in relaxation like his other eye, but it does seem to be relaxed, the aperture closed and none of the parts moving.

 

Stefano lets out a long breath and opens his eye and his aperture.  At that moment, he seems to realize that his bad eye is exposed, and he reaches up to adjust his hair.

 

“Leave it,” Sebastian says, looking into Stefano’s eyes.  “I’ve seen it.  I’ve seen it looking worse than this actually.”

 

The corners of Stefano’s mouth twitch.  “Yes, I suppose you have,” he answers.

 

Then the coffeemaker beeps, and they both jump a little.

 

“Let me grab that for you,” Sebastian says.  Stefano sits up and begins adjusting his hair, as Sebastian gets to his feet and retrieves a cup of coffee.  Stefano has actually managed to make it to his feet and into a chair before Sebastian hands the mug to him.

 

“Where do we go next?” Stefano asks, after taking a long drink of coffee.

 

“Well,” Sebastian says, “I have two resonances near here.”  He collects his weapons and takes a seat on the wooden crate, pulling out his communicator.

 

Stefano nods thoughtfully.  “I don’t think I had time to ask you this before, but what exactly are the resonances?”

 

“They’re sort of like memories or echoes, I guess- just short clips of things that happened before,” Sebastian replies.  “I keep hoping that one of them will give me the information I need to find Lily.”

 

“Well then,” Stefano says, “perhaps we’d better follow up on them.”

 

Sebastian is about to answer, but suddenly there is a car alarm going off just outside the safe house, and the building trembles as something heavy hits the outer wall.

 

“Stay and finish your coffee,” Sebastian says.  “I’m just going to stick my head outside and check it out.”

 

“You had better come back in one piece,” Stefano replies.  “After all, according to you we’re going to escape together.”

 

Sebastian can’t come up with a witty response for that comment, but a smile crosses his face as he takes his pistol in hand, and exits the secure door of the safe house, closing it behind him.  He listens closely, keeping his footsteps quiet as he makes his way to the outer door.  There are grunts and howls that Sebastian has come to associate with the molten creatures from Theodore’s realm, but they are interspersed with loud moans and exclamations that sound almost human.  Then there’s a crash and the sound of metal under stress and the car alarm goes silent.

 

Sebastian opens the door cautiously, leaning his upper body out and peering around the corner of the building to the left, where the sounds were coming from.  The parking lot is littered with the remains of multiple cars and chunks of molten material, but everything is eerily still now.  He can’t quite see the entire area from his current position, so he steps outside the door, pressing his back up against the wall as he inches toward the corner.  He leans around the corner and catches a brief glimpse of something large and irregular-shaped before a camera flash goes off in his face.

 

“Stefano!” he shouts, staggering backward with his hands over his eyes.  “Stefano, get out here now!”

 

His vision is almost completely white, and he fumbles against the side of the building looking for the door handle, hoping that Obscura isn’t still determined to kill him, because he’s pretty fucking helpless at the moment.  Luckily, footsteps are approaching, and he hears a door open somewhere to his left.

 

“Obscura!” Stefano cries, sounding more excited than he has about anything in a while.  Obscura squeals in what Sebastian can only assume is delight and thunders toward them.

 

“Look at you,” Stefano coos.  “How did you get here?  Have you been taking care of yourself?”  Obscura moans and gasps and makes little trilling noises back at Stefano, and as Sebastian’s vision clears up, he can see that her camera head and neck are wrapped around Stefano’s torso.  He caresses her head, and she launches into a new series of moans.

 

“Yes, of course I’ll look at your pictures,” Stefano says, and Sebastian would roll his eyes, but he is certain no one would notice since Stefano and Obscura are so thoroughly immersed in each other.  Obscura spits out a photograph from somewhere on her face, and Sebastian doesn’t bother to question how that works, because of course she can do that.  She is Stefano’s creation after all.

 

“What composition!” Stefano says, holding the photograph at arm’s length.

 

 

 

 

If this is going to turn into an art critique, Sebastian is going to take advantage of the time to do something productive.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says; then when no one notices, he tries again louder.  “Hey!”

 

Stefano and Obscura both turn their heads toward him.  Stefano looks annoyed, and Obscura looks, well, how she always looks.  It’s disconcerting to try to read something that has no facial expressions.

 

“I’m going back to my room to check for information and replenish supplies,” Sebastian says.  “You guys seem like you’ll be fine here for a few minutes.”

 

“Yes, yes, of course,” Stefano says dismissively, turning back to Obscura as she produces another photograph.

 

Sebastian shakes his head.  He doesn’t understand Stefano’s relationship with Obscura, but it’s clearly very important to him.  He heads back into the safe house, leaving the two of them to catch up in their own special way.

 

Truth be told, Sebastian has been contemplating a trip back to his room ever since he burned through so much handgun ammo clearing out Sykes’ escape route, but he’s been afraid that Stefano would insist on accompanying him, and Stefano doesn’t look like he’d survive another trip through the mirror.  He’s not worried about leaving Stefano outside the safe house with Obscura either.  Based on the carnage in the parking lot, Obscura can take care of herself.

 

Almost as soon as Sebastian steps over the threshold into the back room of the safe house, the mirror breaks, creating a blinding glare.  He takes a few more steps forward, focuses on the light, and feels himself transported through space, opening his eyes to find himself in his room.

 

He’s relieved to see that the room seems to be back to normal, or at least, as normal as a re-creation of KCPD in a make-believe world can be.  He goes straight to his office, but there is no new information posted there.

 

On his way back through the main room Sebastian pauses to scratch the black cat behind her ears and under her chin before he goes back to the hallway, turns left and strides down the hall to the wheelchair.  He takes a seat, not surprised anymore by the way the hall around him morphs into an entirely different kind of safe room and the chair clamps down on his arms and his head.

 

“I see you’ve returned,” Tatiana’s voice comes from just behind Sebastian’s left ear, making him jump as much as he can when he is restrained by the chair.  “You can’t stay away, can you?”

 

“No,” replies Sebastian.  “Not when you can make me stronger.”

 

Tatiana circles around to stand in front of him.  “And just what do you need this strength for?  Are you taking on a great challenge?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian says, “surviving in Union is a challenge in itself, but I can’t fail.”

 

“And what if you do fail?” Tatiana asks as she takes a seat across from him.  “Then you will have sacrificed yourself for a good cause.”

 

Sebastian shakes his head, because not only is Tatiana being annoying inquisitive, but she’s not making any sense.  “Sacrifice would mean I’ve lost.  And I can’t lose.  I have to do this for Lily.”

 

Tatiana raises an eyebrow and crosses one leg over the other.  “Sometimes a sacrifice is necessary to complete the task at hand.  Now, let’s get you ready.”

 

The chair sets off an electric tingle in his brain, and the next thing Sebastian knows, he is standing up from the old wheelchair in his room, feeling energized and maybe a little stronger and faster than he was when he came in.  He walks down the hall to his workbench, replaying the conversation with Tatiana in his mind.  Sometimes her small talk is just talk, but at other times, she seems to have an unusual insight into the future- his future, specifically.

 

As Sebastian begins crafting handgun bullets, he hopes that they won’t need to make a sacrifice to complete this task.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by [Ruvikkin](https://ruvikkin-art.tumblr.com/).


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who was that with Theodore?” Stefano asks.
> 
> “Yukiko Hoffman,” Sebastian replies. “She’s the Mobius team psychologist. We were in her safe house before when-”
> 
> That’s as far as he gets, because the door suddenly flies open, the temperature in the room plummets, and the sound of ethereal singing drifts into the lobby.
> 
> “Shit! Not again!” Sebastian hisses. That is precisely how Stefano feels about this development, so when Sebastian turns and sprints up the stairs, Stefano follows.

 

 

Once Stefano has looked at all of the pictures Obscura has taken while they have been apart and complimented her and polished her lens and reassured her that he is not going to leave her again, Obscura wanders off to continue exploring the parking lot outside the safe house.

 

Stefano doesn’t have much time to collect his thoughts before Sebastian emerges from the safe house door.

 

“Are we done with show and tell?” Sebastian asks brusquely.  Stefano doesn’t say it, but he’s quite confident that if it was Lily who wanted to show them her artwork, Sebastian would have received it very differently.

 

“Indeed, we are,” Stefano replies.  “This one is my favorite.”  He holds out a photo to Sebastian.  It depicts Sebastian himself leaning around the corner of the safe house with an expression of alarm on his face.

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Sebastian groans.  “Can you tell her not to flash that light in my face?”

 

“It’s not her fault that you are such an intriguing subject,” Stefano answers.  “If I wasn’t so preoccupied, I’d be taking a few photos of you myself.”

 

“Don’t you start too,” Sebastian says.  “We don’t have time for a photo shoot.”  He pauses, then asks, “How are you feeling?”

 

“Better,” Stefano replies.  The coffee seems to have done its work.  He still has some lingering soreness in his stomach and throat, but the crippling pain is gone, and he is able to move around now without feeling nauseated.  “I’m ready to go if you are.  Where are the resonances?”

 

“Actually, they’re in two buildings not far from here- a hotel and a bar,” Sebastian explains.  “I saw resonances there earlier, before the theatre, because your art was displayed there, but I’m not sure what’s causing the resonances now.”

 

“Do you think it could be another trap?” Stefano asks.  He is familiar with both buildings of course, but he is not eager for a repeat performance of the ambush they walked into before the diner.

 

“Possibly,” Sebastian replies.  “But it’s the only lead we’ve got at the moment.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano says.  “We’ll follow you.”

 

Sebastian groans when Stefano says ‘we’, and he looks off into the parking lot.  Stefano follows his gaze to where Obscura is up on two legs, using the third one to violently shake a car back and forth.

 

“Obscura, no!” he shouts, because if she keeps doing that she’s going to set off the car alarm and bring all manner of enemies down on them.  Obscura springs backward off of the car and lumbers over to him.

 

Stefano had imagined when he designed Obscura that she would be more elegant.  She is very fast and surprisingly agile, but she moves so loudly and in such a disorganized way that she is far from graceful.  Stefano supposes that perhaps there is a reason why no animals in nature have three legs.  Still, she is his creation, conceived in the depths of his mind, and she is perfect.

 

“Let’s check out the hotel first,” Sebastian says, making a few adjustments to the radio in his hand before replacing it on his belt.  He glances back at Stefano, who nods in response, and takes off at a brisk walk, exiting the parking lot onto the main street of the business district.

 

Stefano follows behind him, admiring the way Sebastian moves, fluidly confident with his pistol in hand and his eyes scanning the environment.  About halfway down the street, Sebastian freezes, beckons to Stefano, and then dashes off the road next to a house.  Stefano follows, and Obscura follows him, and just as they have all pressed themselves up against the wall of the house, there is burst of intense flame out on the street.

 

“You do not heed his call!” shouts one of Theodore’s harbingers in its muffled, distorted voice.  Stefano can’t see it, but after the last encounter he knows that it is a substantial threat, and its weapon bathes the street in flame.

 

Stefano inches closer to Sebastian so that he can speak directly into Sebastian’s ear.  “How are we going to get past that thing?” he hisses.

 

“Let’s wait a minute,” Sebastian whispers back.  “Maybe it’ll circle around.”

 

“What if it circles around this way?” Stefano presses.  “We’re in very tight quarters, and I don’t relish the thought of being incinerated.”

 

“Look at the range on that thing,” Sebastian says in a harsh whisper.  “I don’t want to take it on unless we have the element of-”

 

There is bright flash of blue light to his left, and Stefano turns to see Obscura, who is looking pleased that she has just captured a photograph of him and Sebastian.  Unfortunately, if the rapidly approaching footsteps are any indication, she has also attracted the attention of the harbinger.

 

“Run!” Sebastian grabs Stefano’s arm and takes off down the alley in a full sprint.  Running seems like a good move, because they will need some space if they are going to dispatch the harbinger using their previous strategy.

 

There is a flash of blue light behind them, and Stefano looks over his shoulder to see that Obscura has trapped the harbinger in one of her blue boxes and is attacking it with her feet.  He pauses for a moment, turning fully to appreciate Obscura’s work.  Her moans increase in intensity and volume as she pummels it over and over again, until the box breaks and she jumps back to avoid the spray from the flamethrower.

 

“Come on!” Sebastian yells from behind him, and Stefano turns and takes off running again.  Obscura can take care of herself.  He has no doubt of that.  However, he and Sebastian are not quite so resilient and need to seek cover until things quiet down.  They dash through the alley behind the house, then turn left and sprint up the next alley toward the street.  At the end of that one, Sebastian makes a hard right and bolts through the door of the Sanctuary Hotel.  Stefano follows close behind.

 

The door slams shut behind them, and they both freeze for a moment.  Stefano tries to catch his breath as he listens for Obscura.  She’s still out there making noises of delight, probably over the harbinger’s corpse, but otherwise it’s relatively quiet until Sebastian’s radio crackles to life.

 

Sebastian takes it off of his belt and holds it out in front of him, turning slowly in a circle before walking toward a small grouping of couches.  Stefano follows behind him, glancing around the room for any sign that this is another trap.  When Sebastian reaches the couches, he stops and turns one of the dials on the radio, and suddenly the signal is coming through much more clearly.  Two figures appear, seated opposite each other on the couches, and Stefano can make out the words being spoken.

 

_“Wallace?  I didn’t expect to meet you in here,” says the first figure, a small woman with dark hair._

_“I am everywhere,” replies Theodore, “But the reason I am here speaking to you, Hoffman, is because you have some very specialized information, information that may be useful to me.”_

Stefano has seen Theodore do his flattery routine at least a dozen times, but it works on Hoffman just like it worked on Stefano himself.

 

_She smiles, looking eager for Theodore’s approval, and replies, “Of course.  What can I do to help?”_

_“What can you tell me about Sebastian Castellanos?” Theodore asks._

 

The images fade away, leaving Sebastian and Stefano staring at the couches in the dim lighting of the hotel lobby.

 

“Who was that with Theodore?” Stefano asks.

 

“Yukiko Hoffman,” Sebastian replies.  “She’s the Mobius team psychologist.  We were in her safe house before when-”

 

That’s as far as he gets, because the door suddenly flies open, the temperature in the room plummets, and the sound of ethereal singing drifts into the lobby.

 

“Shit!  Not again!” Sebastian hisses.  That is precisely how Stefano feels about this development, so when Sebastian turns and sprints up the stairs, Stefano follows.

 

Once they’re up the stairs and around the corner, they slow their pace, creeping along next to the wall, quietly trying each of the doors they come to, but finding all of them locked.  This hallway is a dead end, and their only hope is that the ghost woman doesn’t decide to come upstairs.

 

Unfortunately, the singing seems to be getting closer, and Stefano is sure that he is about to be faced with some terrible memory, when Sebastian steps in front of him.

 

“What are you doing?” Stefano whispers.

 

“Just stay behind me,” Sebastian says quietly.  “If she comes up here, I’ll take this one.”

 

Stefano is struck dumb by the idea that anyone would confront the darkest parts of their past on purpose, but this is Sebastian of course, and he is apparently either so noble or so eager to wallow in self-pity that he is willing to take this on.  Stefano suspects that it’s a little of both.

 

The singing is getting even closer and with it comes the static and the visual distortion until all at once, the singing stops, and the high, inhuman voice gasps, “Sebastian,” and the room around them begins to change.  Stefano closes his eye and braces himself against Sebastian, because even if this situation doesn’t aggravate his stomach, it does make him feel dizzy every time it happens.

 

The noise dies down and he opens his eye.  He and Sebastian are in a large room crowded with beds and screens and medical equipment.  Sebastian immediately crouches down behind one of the screens and beckons Stefano to come with him.  Stefano crouches cautiously, because everything is covered in a layer of dust and paint chips and rat droppings, none of which are things that he is going to touch if he can help it.  They are clearly in some sort of institution, probably a hospital, but one that has been abandoned for some time.

 

Stefano tries to catch Sebastian’s eye, which is no easy task because Sebastian’s eyes are darting all around the room.  He looks a bit like a wild animal that finds itself cornered, frantically looking for escape but seeing none.  It’s a little disconcerting to see Sebastian, who Stefano thinks of as very capable and confident, rattled like this.  Stefano places a hand on Sebastian’s arm, which causes Sebastian to finally slow down and focus on him.

 

“Where are we?” Stefano mouths.

 

“Beacon,” Sebastian says under his breath, and that answers Stefano’s question and probably his next few questions as well.  After talking to Sykes and reading the files, he has some idea of what Beacon would mean to Sebastian, and he is intrigued by the possibility of learning something about Sebastian’s past.  Sebastian himself looks considerably less pleased about this development.

 

“Any idea how we’re going to get out?” Stefano presses.  His hand is still on Sebastian’s arm, and he can feel a slight tremor running through Sebastian’s body.

 

Sebastian peers around the corner of the screen.  It is eerily still in the room except for the buzzing of the harsh fluorescent lights.  He scans the room again, seemingly more focused this time.

 

“Looks like that’s the only door,” he whispers, jerking his head toward a set of double doors across the room from them.

 

No sooner have they started to creep out from behind the screen, then there is a loud bang on the heavy metal doors.  Sebastian reaches a hand out behind him to stop Stefano and they quickly retreat behind the screen again.  Stefano moves down to the other end so that he can peer out around the edge.

 

The banging continues until the doors fly open, revealing… a man.  Stefano is genuinely surprised, because with how much emphasis seems to be placed on the Beacon Incident, he was expecting some terrible monster.  But this creature is at least human-shaped, appearing as a young man wearing black slacks, black vest, white dress shirt, and glasses.  He might have been called handsome, except that his face is covered in raw, oozing boils and his skin is approaching a grayish-purple tone.  He holds a long-handled axe.

 

“Joseph…” Sebastian breathes, fortunately not loud enough for “Joseph” to hear them, because “Joseph” is now holding the axe up in front of his chest and stalking down the row of beds nearest the door.  He reaches the end of the row, moves one row closer to where they are hiding, and starts making another pass across the room.

 

Now that he’s a little closer, Stefano can see that his eyes are fixed straight ahead of him, and his face is contorted into a strained expression.  He moves stiffly, like someone who has suddenly found themselves in a human body with only a basic understanding of how to work the nerves and muscles.  He also isn’t moving particularly fast, which is fortunate, because as far as Stefano can tell, they’ll have to sneak out of the room when his back is turned in order to avoid being spotted.

 

As expected, as soon as “Joseph” passes by their hiding place, Sebastian taps Stefano on the arm and jerks his head toward the door.  Stefano nods, and they both edge out from behind the screen, keeping themselves low to the ground and quickly taking cover behind the next row of beds.  Sebastian glances down the row and gives Stefano another nod, and they move to the next row of beds and then quickly out the still-open door.

 

They are in a long hallway with several doors on each side and more fluorescent lights flickering overhead.  Sebastian tentatively rises back up to his full height.  He is breathing hard, trembling with a kind of restless energy, and he glances back over his shoulder several times as they walk down the hallway.

 

Despite his earlier assertion that Sebastian radiates fear, Stefano thinks that this is most visibly afraid he has seen Sebastian.  Even in this state, Sebastian is a force to be reckoned with, but he is displaying some chinks in his armor that Stefano hasn’t noticed previously.

 

As they pass one of the doors, Stefano can hear whispering on the other side, faint breathy sounds that tumble over each other until they take shape into Sebastian’s name.  Sebastian turns to the door immediately.

 

“Joseph,” he says, almost to himself, and takes one great stride toward the door, extending his hand to the handle before Stefano catches him in the chest with a shoulder and shoves him to the opposite wall, because Stefano may not know anything about Beacon, but he is sure that he does not want Sebastian to open that door.

 

Perhaps on some level Sebastian doesn’t want to open the door either or maybe Stefano has taken him by surprise, because Stefano doesn’t find it terribly difficult to press him against the wall and hold him there with his shoulder against Sebastian’s chest.  Sebastian doesn’t fight him, but he slams a fist into the wall behind him, throws his head back against said wall with a dull thump, and whispers Joseph’s name again.

 

Stefano is not convinced that Sebastian needs any more blows to the head.  When Sebastian closes his eyes and drops his head forward again, Stefano twists around and slips a hand behind him.  As a result, Sebastian’s next attempt to bang his head on the wall simply results in him throwing his head backward into Stefano’s open palm.  Sebastian’s eyes fly open and he looks at Stefano, who is now standing flush against him chest to chest.

 

“That’s not Joseph,” Stefano says firmly, even as he hears the whispering rising in intensity behind him.  “I don’t even know who Joseph is, but that’s not Joseph.  Joseph’s not here.”

 

Sebastian glares at him for a second, before his hands come up to fist in the fabric of Stefano’s jacket.  He squeezes it tightly, takes a deep breath, and bends his head forward to rest his forehead against Stefano’s.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says quietly.  “I’m okay now.  You can let go.”

 

“I would, but you’re the one who is holding on to me,” whispers Stefano, and Sebastian lifts his head, looking a little surprised to see that he is grasping Stefano’s jacket.  He releases his grip.

 

Stefano realizes that he is using his whole body to pin Sebastian to the wall and feels an unexpected thrill of excitement at his proximity.  In the next second though, he comes to his senses and steps back, keeping an eye on Sebastian for any sign that he may be going to make a break for the door again.

 

Sebastian seems to be back in control of himself, and they continue down the hallway.  Stefano notes that with each door they pass, the voice calls out louder, more frantically, until finally near the end of the hallway, the last door is shaking on its frame as whoever is inside the room screams Sebastian’s name at the top of their lungs.  Sebastian tenses, and his eyes dart to the door, but then he glances back at Stefano and nods and they continue on to the double doors at the end of the hallway.

 

The next room is large and open and lined with mirrors on every wall.  They scan the room around them as they make their way to the door on the other side, but it seems to be empty.

 

Sebastian reaches for the door handle, when they hear a voice behind them.

 

“Sebastian.”

 

Stefano whirls around, as does Sebastian, to see “Joseph” standing in the center of the room.  This time he is armed with a pistol.  His dead eyes stare straight ahead, looking through Sebastian.  He puts one finger to his lips and raises the gun, pressing the barrel against his temple.

 

“Joseph!” Sebastian shouts as he rushes forward.  There is no chance for Stefano to stop him this time.  He barrels straight through “Joseph”, who apparently is incorporeal and continues to the other side of the room.

 

There is a deafening shriek and the mirror to his left shatters as the ghost woman emerges from it, gliding into the room between them.  She is facing Sebastian, slowly advancing on him as she whispers his name in her high, trembling voice.  The room has gone deathly cold.

 

Stefano has seen what happened when she encountered other citizens of Union, and he is certain that if she reaches Sebastian, he will cease to be, or at least, cease to be in his current form.  Faced with the possibility of losing both Sebastian and Lily in an instant, Stefano acts.

 

“Hey!” he shouts, and the ghost woman spins to face him and begins moving in his direction.  Already, the static is rushing in his ears and his vision is tearing at the edges, and he is frantically trying to remember what his plan actually was.  The environment is changing also, forming itself back into something that resembles his childhood home, before-

 

“Over here!” Sebastian yells from across the room.  The ghost woman turns away from him again, the room around them jumping wildly between Beacon, Stefano’s childhood bedroom, and the hotel lobby.  The ghost woman turns back and forth, the static rising in volume until Stefano covers his ears with his hands.  She screams, all of the glass in the mirror room shatters, and suddenly it is just him and Sebastian, standing at opposite ends of the hotel lobby.

 

Sebastian breathes an audible sigh of relief, drops his weapons to the floor, and collapses onto the couch in front of the fireplace.  Stefano crosses the room, leaning over the back of the couch to check on Sebastian, who is sprawled on the couch on his back with his arm thrown over his eyes.  He is still breathing, so most likely nothing to worry about at the moment.

 

Apparently Sebastian can tell that he is being watched, because he lifts his arm a few inches and blinks at Stefano.

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian says.  “I thought she had me there at the end.”

 

Stefano isn’t accustomed to being thanked or engaging in the sort of pointless and risky behaviors that result in a situation where one would be thanked, and he is frankly unsure of the appropriate way to respond.

 

“It seems that she can’t traumatize more than one of us at any given time,” Stefano offers, moving on to a topic that he can get his mind around.

 

“That’s a goddamn useful piece of information,” Sebastian says, and there is genuine appreciation in his tone.  “We need to remember that if she’s going to keep popping up everywhere we go.”

 

Stefano is about to reply when he hears a soft knocking at the door to the hotel.  He turns to look out and sees Obscura, who is politely tapping the door frame with her foot.

 

“Hold on a minute,” he tells Sebastian.  “It’s Obscura.”

 

Stefano rushes to the door and throws it open.  Obscura is clearly thrilled to see him, hopping from foot to foot and pressing her camera head into his chest and making noises that would probably sound indecent to anyone who didn’t know where they were coming from.  It is abundantly clear that she is not going to be able to fit through the door into the hotel.

 

“Obscura,” Stefano says, once she has calmed down and he is stroking her head.  “Why don’t you go down the street and make some more friends.  I’ll be back with you in a little while.”

 

Obscura gives him a vigorous bump with her head, but turns and clambers down the street, moaning to herself as she goes.  Stefano gazes after her for a moment, the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile, before he re-enters the hotel, closing the door behind him.

 

“Does the fireplace work?” Sebastian asks, as Stefano approaches his couch again.  It strikes Stefano as an odd request.  Sebastian has turned around to lie on his side facing the back of the couch and is still visibly trembling, which leads Stefano to believe that he is either cold or still upset about something that happened in the memory or perhaps both.

 

Stefano investigates the fireplace, which turns out to be a gas set-up, so starting it is as easy as flipping a switch.  Once that’s done and the flames are casting a soft, flickering light over this end of the room, Stefano walks over to the couch.

 

Sebastian is still facing away from him, and Stefano is momentarily unsure of what to do, but then realizes that this isn’t so different from when they were in the theatre after Sebastian tried to strangle him.  There, Sebastian seemed to be reassured by physical contact and talking about what had happened, and he hopes that this approach will work again.

 

Stefano sits down behind Sebastian, just at the small of his back, and places a hand on his upper arm.   Sebastian immediately grasps Stefano’s hand and rolls over, adjusting so that he is now curled around Stefano with his back against the back of the couch.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian says.  “I just wasn’t expecting it to be like that.”  He sighs deeply, releasing Stefano’s hand as he continues.  “I’ve seen visions of Beacon before.  Lots of bad memories from Beacon, but that…”  He gazes into the fire, leaving his sentence unfinished.

 

Stefano, remembering how safe and soothed he feels himself with Sebastian’s hands on him, moves his hand to Sebastian’s back, rubbing slow circles.  “Who is Joseph?” he asks.

 

“Joseph is- was- my partner at KCPD,” Sebastian says, voice monotone and eyes unfocused.  Stefano simply waits and continues to stroke Sebastian’s back.  Comforting people is not one of his strengths, but considering the number of times Sebastian has applied these techniques on him, Stefano feels like he should be able to do at least a passable job.

 

“He went into STEM with me the first time… at Beacon,” Sebastian says.  “We met up a couple of times in the STEM world, but he was shot, and I never saw him again, in STEM or out of it.”  Sebastian shifts restlessly under Stefano’s hand, turning onto his back.  Stefano lets his hand come to rest on Sebastian’s chest over his heart, which Stefano notes is still pounding. 

 

Sebastian continues, “I thought he was dead.  He must be dead.   But… I didn’t try to find him.  I didn’t know where to look.  It’s the not knowing that’s the worst part- exactly like what happened with Myra.”

 

Sebastian stops speaking abruptly, and there is a long silence, before Stefano asks, “And Joseph was important to you?”  At first blush, it’s a bit of a stupid question, because obviously Joseph was important to Sebastian, but what Stefano really wants to know is why, in a world where one’s deepest fears can be brought to life, Sebastian is seeing visions of Joseph and not of his wife or daughter.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers.  “He was my partner.”

 

Stefano knows he is venturing into dangerous territory, but his curiosity is piqued now.  “It sounds like he was more than your partner.”  He anticipates Sebastian’s response, speaking again before Sebastian can protest.  “And it sounds like he was more than your friend.”

 

Sebastian hesitates, looking for a moment like a deer caught in headlights, but then he covers his face with his hands and nods, rubbing at his eyes.  After a few seconds, he drops his hands back to his sides, looking up at Stefano as though challenging him to say something.

 

Stefano almost laughs, because Sebastian doesn’t realize how far Stefano is from judging him poorly for consorting with men.  Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones after all, and this new piece of information about Sebastian is of great interest to him for reasons that are slightly more personal than finding Lily and establishing his power in Union.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano says quietly, his hand still over Sebastian’s heart.  “He must have been quite an exceptional man if he was your lover.”

 

“He was,” Sebastian agrees.  “He knew me better than I knew myself, and Myra was gone, and one thing led to another…”  He crosses his arms over his chest, and Stefano shifts his hand down to Sebastian’s hip.  He waits a moment to see if Sebastian is going to protest, but Sebastian just sighs and says, “I should have looked for him.  I should have confirmed… I don’t know.  I should have done something.”

 

Stefano squeezes Sebastian’s hip gently.  “You said yourself that you didn’t know where to look.  And if this Mobius is as powerful as they seem to be, then there was probably no way that you could have found out any more than you know now.”

 

Sebastian nods, “You may be right,” he says gruffly, “but I’ll always regret not trying harder.”  And now it makes perfect sense to Stefano why Joseph appears in Sebastian’s memories of Beacon.  Joseph is the loose end, the source of his guilt, and the weakness that can be exploited.

 

Sebastian faces an uphill battle against forces like Theodore and the ghost woman precisely because he carries so much guilt and regret and because his reactions are often rash and based on emotion.  He can take on a horde of enemies and emerge unscathed, but there is just so much to work with in his psyche that he is extremely vulnerable to attacks and deceptions of that nature.  Stefano’s thoughts are interrupted by Sebastian’s hand landing on this thigh.

 

“I think I’m alright now,” Sebastian says.  “Let’s go check out that other resonance.”

 

Stefano gets to his feet and extends a hand to Sebastian, who takes it and allows Stefano to help him up off the couch.  He collects his weapons as Stefano turns off the fireplace, and they head out the door of the hotel and into the street together.

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Speaking of knowledge,” Sebastian says, “how did you find us?”
> 
> “Your marker,” Torres says simply.
> 
> “What marker?” Sebastian asks, because she makes it sounds like he’s carrying some sort of tracking device. Come to think of it, would he even know if he was carrying some sort of tracking device?
> 
> “The one Mobius gave you before they put you into STEM,” Torres replies. “You’d remember it for sure. It tastes vile.”

 

 

Sebastian can hear Obscura’s moaning and wailing in the distance as soon as he steps out into the street.  He turns to Stefano.  “Is she alright?”

 

Stefano pauses for a moment and listens.  “Yes,” he says with a smile.  “It sounds like she’s found a way to entertain herself.”

 

They continue walking, and Sebastian can’t help but smile himself.  Stefano talks about Obscura as though she is a beloved pet or even a child, rather than a terrifying monster.  However, even Sebastian has to admit that she is an extremely useful monster, as evidenced by the fact that the street ahead of them is clear of enemies.

 

Sebastian’s head is still feeling a little foggy from the vision of Joseph and Beacon.  Those memories have been buried by time and no small amount of alcohol, but now the ghost woman has brought all of them crashing back down on him, and he’s realizing that it’s not only her influence that has made him think of Joseph recently.

 

Little things are slowly creeping back into his consciousness- the camaraderie of fighting alongside an equal, the simple pleasure of warm, affectionate human contact, and the more complicated sensations he was feeling when Stefano was touching him just a few minutes ago in the hotel.  The things that Stefano is making him feel are things he hasn’t felt since Joseph, and he’s surprised by the fact that for the most part, they feel really good.  There is some nostalgia, to be sure, even sadness, but it isn’t stopping him from enjoying being with Stefano.

 

And that’s a problem in itself, because as soon as he starts thinking about “being with” Stefano in any significant way, things get a whole lot more complicated.  First and foremost, of course, they have to rescue Lily and get out of STEM.  Beyond that, Sebastian isn’t really sure what he would want from Stefano.  He is attracted to him, that much is clear, and he feels protective of him, but could he really learn to trust Stefano after Stefano kidnapped Lily?  He is not naïve enough to believe that Stefano has truly changed over the course of a few hours, but it is hard to reconcile the man who walks beside him on the street with the man he encountered when he first entered Union.

 

His confusion must be showing on his face, because Stefano touches his upper arm lightly and asks, “Everything alright?”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, “just thinking.”

 

“About what?” Stefano asks.

 

Sebastian isn’t eager to discuss his own feelings about Stefano, so he goes to the next most relevant topic.  “What’s your end game?  I mean, once we find Lily, what are you going to do?”

 

Stefano stops walking and Sebastian turns to face him.  “I don’t know,” Stefano says, looking directly into Sebastian’s eyes.  “I need to take Theodore down, but after that, I don’t know.”

 

“Would you stay in Union?” Sebastian presses.

 

“I had not considered a life outside Union, because until recently I wasn’t aware of a world outside Union,” Stefano replies.  “I do not like the thought of Mobius manipulating me and dictating my life in this way, but I also don’t see a way to leave this place… unless your offer still stands.”

 

Sebastian smiles at that.  “It does,” he says, “but as you know, the escape part of the plan is still in development.”

 

“That is good enough for me at the moment,” Stefano says, looking relieved.  Sebastian wonders for a moment how long it has been since someone expressed genuine concern for Stefano.  He seems to expect little from others, which suggests to Sebastian that he has received little in the past.  Perhaps that’s why Theodore was able to win him over so easily, although a few well-placed strokes to his ego could have also done the trick.

 

Stefano turns away and they begin walking again, arriving at the intersection where they spotted the swollen blob-like enemies earlier.  Now there are no enemies in sight, but gore is strewn over the street, the vehicles, and even some of the street signs, clearly Obscura’s work.

 

They continue through the intersection to the door of the Devil’s Own Taproom on the right side of the street.  Sebastian enters first, taking a few steps in and pulling out his communicator to locate the resonance.  The readings lead him to the booth at the back of the bar, and Sebastian adjusts the dials until the resonance comes in clearly.

 

_Theodore and O’Neal are sitting across from each other in the booth._

_“Thank you for meeting me here,” says Theodore.  “I know it wasn’t an easy trip.”_

_“You’re damn right it wasn’t,” O’Neal says, looking harassed.  “I’m lucky to be alive.  What did you want to ask me that was so important we couldn’t do it over the radio?”_

_“I need you to build something for me, a kind of cloaking device,” Theodore explains.  “I think you are the only one who has the skills to create it.  It’s... a little outside the usual Mobius technology.”_

 

O’Neal seems to waver for a moment, and Sebastian can almost hear the internal struggle between the part of him that wants to go back to hiding in his safe house and the part that is intrigued by the prospect of accessing forbidden technology.

 

_“Tell me more,” O’Neal says finally before the resonance fades away._

 

“I don’t like this,” Sebastian says, voicing what is perhaps the most simple and obvious of his thoughts on what he just saw.  “If both Hoffman and O’Neal are collaborating with Theodore, we’re getting outnumbered very quickly.”

 

“So that was O’Neal?” Stefano asks.  He sits down in the booth where the resonance took place, resting his elbows on the table.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies.  “I’m a little surprised that he left his safe house in the first place.  He’s not the bravest guy in here, that’s for sure.”

 

“Theodore can be very persuasive,” Stefano replies, crossing one leg over the other.  “I wouldn’t actually assume that either one of them is willingly collaborating with him.  He may have taken what he wanted from them and moved on.  Who’s to say if they are even alive anymore?”

 

Stefano does have a point, as it’s impossible to tell how long ago the resonances were created.  Sebastian is about to check out the back room of the bar when-

 

“Sebastian!” a female voice calls.  Sebastian whirls to face the door with his hand on his pistol.  He’s never seen this woman before, but she’s clearly not a monster and also knows his name, so he gives her the benefit of the doubt and leaves his gun in the holster.

 

“Thank god I finally caught up with you,” she says, leaning on the bar for a moment as she tries to catch her breath.  Sebastian notes that she isn’t dressed like a typical Mobius agent, but she is armed with an assault rifle.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian begins, “but who are you?”

 

“Esmeralda Torres,” she replies, setting the assault rifle down on the counter and standing up to face Sebastian.  He recognizes her name from the documents Kidman sent to his room.

 

“You were part of the plan to rescue Lily,” Sebastian observes.

 

“Yes,” Torres says, “although that plan went to shit almost immediately.  I assume that’s why you’re here.”

 

“I didn’t know about the plan until recently,” Sebastian says, “but I am here to rescue Lily.”  He belatedly remembers that Stefano is still seated in the booth.  “This is Stefano Valentini,” he says.  “He’s helping-”

 

“A Union citizen?” Torres interrupts.  “How much does he know?”

 

“About as much as I do,” Sebastian says.  “Maybe as much as any of us do.”

 

“Damn,” Torres says, shaking her head.  “That’s going to be a problem.  Or maybe not, since this whole place is fucked anyway, but Mobius is very strict about what knowledge the citizens are allowed to have.”

 

Stefano starts to say something, but Sebastian cuts him off, hoping he’ll take the hint.  If Torres is reluctant to share information with Stefano present, then Sebastian is going to make damn sure she stays focused on Sebastian himself, because they need all the information they can get.

 

“Speaking of knowledge,” Sebastian says, “how did you find us?”

 

“Your marker,” Torres says simply.

 

“What marker?” Sebastian asks, because she makes it sounds like he’s carrying some sort of tracking device.  Come to think of it, would he even know if he was carrying some sort of tracking device?

 

“The one Mobius gave you before they put you into STEM,” Torres replies.  “You’d remember it for sure.  It tastes vile.”

 

“What?” Sebastian snaps, looking from Torres to Stefano, who looks appropriately alarmed, and then back to Torres.  He takes a deep breath, trying to keep his voice even because to say that he is now feeling agitated is a serious understatement.  “I wasn’t given anything like that, but please explain how it works.”

 

“Sure,” Torres says, “but it might take a little while.  Is this really a priority?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian says, locking eyes with Stefano who nods at him.  “It’s a priority.”  He turns back to Torres, “Have a seat if you want.”  Sebastian gestures to the booth where Stefano is sitting.  He takes a seat next to Stefano, who slides further into the booth to accommodate him, and Torres sits down across from them.  She looks Stefano warily up and down, but launches into her explanation anyway.

 

“So when a Mobius agent is being prepared to enter STEM, they are given a dose of the marker fluid,” Torres begins.  “It’s this completely gross white crap that they watch you drink, because once you get into STEM, Mobius can use it to track you.”

 

“So Mobius knows exactly where in Union its agents are at all times?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes, of course,” Torres says, sounding a little exasperated.  “Did you think they’d just let us run around in here all over the place?  Now, ever since Lily went off the grid, they don’t seem to really be keeping track of us too much.  Or at least, I’ve been able to access some places I probably wouldn’t have normally been able to reach if people were paying attention.”

 

“And does the fluid ever cause side effects?  Like stomach upset, that sort of thing?” Sebastian says with a sidelong glance to Stefano.

 

“No, not that I’m aware of,” Torres replies.  “I know that we can’t tell when Mobius is using it to locate us, and even if you’re being restricted from an area, I think the way it works is just that you physically can’t enter that space.”  She shrugs.  “Nothing weird happens.”

 

Sebastian nods.  This is definitely an important piece of the puzzle, but he’s not sure that he fully understands it yet.  “And you were able to see where we were because of the marker?”

 

“Yes,” Torres answers, “agents who have the marker can locate other marked agents on kind of a mental map.  That feature was intended to allow for more effective collaboration inside STEM.  I was aware of Myra and Theodore, of course, because I came in with them, and I could also pick out members of the next team Mobius sent in, although all but two of them have disappeared.”

 

“Hoffman and O’Neal,” Sebastian says.  He feels like he’s talking to himself, but he catches Stefano nodding out of the corner of his eye.

 

“And when a new marker showed up on the map, I assumed it was you,” Torres continues.  “Kidman told me to find you if the plan went to shit, so I’ve been keeping an eye out.”  She pauses for a moment.  “But you’re saying you never took the marker…”

 

“Right,” Sebastian answers.

 

“So…” Torres glances over at Stefano.  Sebastian nods.

 

“How?” Torres asks.  “Why?”

 

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” Sebastian says, “but Theodore was involved.”

 

“I’ve never heard of the marker being administered inside STEM.  I don’t know how anyone in here would even have access to it.  Unless…” Torres’ voice trails off as she frowns at the table in front of her.

 

“Unless what?” Sebastian prompts.

 

“Well… Myra seemed to have developed some unusual abilities to manipulate the marker substance,” Torres says hesitantly.  “I mean, she took it more often than anyone, because she was in and out of STEM on a daily basis to interact with Lily.  I don’t know if she developed some kind of immunity or just learned how to control it, but she can definitely do things with it that the rest of us can’t.”

 

Sebastian jumps, because Stefano’s hand has just landed on his knee under the table and is gripping him tightly.  “Like what?” he says, trying to cover his surprise.  Luckily, Torres is so caught up in her explanation that she doesn’t seem to notice.

 

“Like produce it out of thin air,” Torres replies.  “I’ve been finding it coating the floors and walls in some areas where she’s been.  A couple of times I thought I actually saw it moving around on its own.  Anyone could have collected it.”  She shrugs.  “If you ask me, I think Myra repurposed it to perform her own surveillance.  After Lily disappeared, she kind of… went a little crazy.”

 

Sebastian shoots another glance at Stefano, who nods at him.  Stefano’s hand has relaxed its grip, but is still resting on Sebastian’s knee.  “And what happened after Lily disappeared?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Well, a lot of things in Union started to change, so it was hard to keep track of any details, but that’s when Myra started sending out the marker fluid everywhere.  I assume she was using it to look for Lily.  Theodore retreated here, to the business district, before he disappeared from the map completely.  I’m not sure how that’s even possible-”

 

“I think I know,” Sebastian cuts in.  “We just saw a resonance where Theodore was asking one of the Mobius agents about building a cloaking device.  Is that the sort of thing that could block the marker from being detected?”

 

“Maybe,” Torres replies.  “The further we get into STEM and the more Union breaks down, the harder it is to predict how any of the technology will work, but that could explain why I can’t locate Theodore anymore.”

 

“But as far as you know, Theodore and Myra can see us at all times?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Torres says.  “Actually, now that you mention it, I bet that’s why Kidman didn’t mark you before she put you in.  She probably thought it would be to your advantage to be hidden from Myra and Theodore.”

 

Sebastian nods, recalling how Myra had known exactly where they were located, or more specifically, where Stefano was located, when they were in the parking lot across from the diner.

 

“I’m not sure why you guys are working together,” Torres adds, nodding at Stefano, “but if he’s marked then you’re giving up a significant advantage.   I mean, I’m impressed that he hasn’t turned into a monster like the rest of them, but it’s probably time to go your separate ways unless you’ve got a pretty compelling-”

 

“I do,” growls Sebastian.  He fixes Torres with a glare, but doesn’t elaborate.

 

Torres’ eyes widen and she shifts back in her seat a little.  “Fine,” she says, raising an eyebrow, “I’m just warning you that it makes you very visible to your enemies.”

 

“That’s a chance I’ll have to take,” Sebastian replies.  Stefano’s hand squeezes his knee again, and Sebastian places his own hand on top of it.

 

“So where do you fit into the plan?” Sebastian asks Torres.

 

Torres laughs at that.  “I’ve just been surviving,” she says.  “What else can I do?  I can’t manipulate Union the way that Myra and Theodore can.  I tried to approach Myra about finding Lily, but she’s just lashing out at everyone.  So as far as I know, Lily’s still missing, Myra and Theodore are holed up in separate places, and Union is crumbling around all of us.”

 

“We’re pretty sure that Myra has Lily now,” Sebastian says, “but she doesn’t seem to be willing to take her out of STEM anymore.”

 

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Torres says.  “Myra was already struggling with who she was after so much time in STEM.  I don’t think we can rely on her help to get Lily out.”

 

Sebastian’s heart sinks at Torres’ words.  He’s been expecting this to come up.  Ever since he saw Myra in the theatre, realized what Myra had become, he’s known that she’s not the same person she was before STEM, before Lily was kidnapped.  But coming to this realization so soon after seeing Myra for the first time in five years is a lot to take in, and the emotional whiplash feels like it’s tearing a hole in his chest.  Stefano’s hand squeezes his knee briefly, and Sebastian squeezes his hand back, wishing Torres wasn’t here, because he’d really like to wrap his arms around Stefano and soak up the comfort and the strength he knows he’s going to need to get through this.

 

After a moment’s pause, Sebastian picks up the thread of the conversation again and pushes on, even though he wishes he didn’t have to.  “So can you see where Myra is now?”

 

Torres draws in her breath to speak, but Stefano cuts in first.  “Actually, I can see her,” he says.  Sebastian and Torres both turn to look at him.

 

“Now that you’ve explained how the marker works, I can see all of us on the map,” Stefano says.  He’s staring into the space in front of him with his eye unfocused.  “I can see us,” he points back and forth between Torres and himself with the hand that isn’t resting on Sebastian’s leg, “here in this bar.  I can see the two Mobius agents in the Marrow, and I can see someone in the residential district.”

 

Torres nods, “I think that’s Myra,” she says. 

 

“What about Lily?” Sebastian asks.  “Does she show up on the map?”

 

“No,” Torres replies.  “She wasn’t marked.  I don’t think Mobius ever anticipated a situation where they didn’t know where she was.”

 

“But if we know where Myra is, then we know where to find Lily,” Stefano says.

 

“So let’s go then,” Sebastian says, though even he can hear the reluctance in his voice.  As much as he wants to get Lily back, he’s not looking forward to having to face down Myra.

 

“If I can make a suggestion,” Torres cuts in, “we might actually want to try to deal with the cloaking device first.”

 

“Why?” Sebastian asks.  “Theodore doesn’t have Lily.  I’m sure of it.  We don’t need to deal with him at all.  Let’s just find Lily and get out of here.”

 

“Even if he doesn’t have her now, he’s not going to let you just waltz out of STEM with her,” Torres points out.  “In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s just waiting for you to deal with Myra so he can take Lily back for himself.”

 

“Why not just do it himself then?” Sebastian counters.

 

“Myra’s the only person I’ve ever seen him fail to control,” Torres says.  “Something about her… he just can’t bend her will the way he can with everyone else, but once she’s out of the picture, he’s going to become a problem.  And that problem is going to be a whole lot bigger if we don’t even know where he is.”

 

Sebastian sighs and scrubs at his face with his free hand, because Torres does have a point.  He hates the idea of not going straight to Lily, but he’s seen what Theodore can do.  Whatever immunity Myra has from his influence, he and Stefano clearly do not share it, and if they are going to be susceptible to Theodore’s manipulations, then they’ll have to take every advantage they can get against him.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  “So I guess we start with O’Neal.  He’s the one who was supposedly building the cloaking device.  And you guys say he’s in the Marrow?”

 

Both Stefano and Torres nod.  “I can’t tell which of them is which right now,” Torres says, “but one is in the safe house near the exit to Post Plus and the other one is in the Research Wing.  It’s supposed to be a restricted area, but I’m guessing no one’s checking anymore.”

 

Torres is already getting to her feet and picking up her assault rifle.

 

“Can you give us a minute?” Sebastian asks.

 

Torres gives him a strange look, but shrugs.  “Sure, I’ll scope out the street, but don’t be long.  I doubt it’s going to stay as quiet as it is now.”  She turns and heads out of the bar.

 

As soon as the door closes behind her, Sebastian turns to Stefano.  He wants to say something, but he feels so weighed down by the information they just received that he can’t form a sentence.

 

“Well, that does explain some things,” Stefano begins cautiously.  “For example, I think it’s safe to say that Theodore gave me the marker so that he could track my movements around Union.”

 

“Right,” Sebastian says, deep in thought for a moment, because something has just occurred to him.  If Theodore marked Stefano intentionally, then he must have been expecting that Stefano would, at some point, leave the dungeon, which seems to run counter to everything else that went on there.  Or perhaps Theodore is the type that prepares for every possible scenario and the marker was just a safety measure in case Stefano did somehow manage to escape. 

 

But based on what he knows about Theodore, the man doesn’t seem to be the type for back-up plans.  Theodore believes himself to always be in control, to be able to direct the actions of those around him with certainty.  But surely he has failed in that in Sebastian’s case.  Sebastian was able to resist killing Stefano and was able to escape from Theodore’s realm, so-

 

“Sebastian?”  Stefano scoots in closer to him, shifting his hand to Sebastian’s shoulder, and Sebastian promptly loses his train of thought, because Stefano’s face is about a foot away from his and Stefano’s knee is touching his leg.

 

“Yeah?” he says, aware that he is probably staring at Stefano with more intensity than the situation requires.

 

“I was saying that it’s unfortunate that Myra has so much control over the marker fluid,” Stefano says.  “I don’t know if Theodore anticipated that.”  Stefano lets his hand drop from Sebastian’s shoulder and sits back from him a bit.  Sebastian feels a little disappointed at the loss of contact.

 

“He must have known,” Sebastian says.  “But maybe it didn’t matter to him at this point?”

 

“Perhaps not,” Stefano replies thoughtfully.

 

“Speaking of Myra,” Sebastian says, “we’re about to go back into the Marrow.  Are you up for that trip?”

 

Stefano shudders, “Yes, I have to be.  I’m not staying here alone.”  He pauses.  “You’ll make sure it doesn’t choke me?  If it happens again?”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says.  “You’re safe with me.”

 

Stefano raises an eyebrow at him, and Sebastian is about ask him what that’s about, when there is a shout of surprise from outside, and Torres dashes back through the door.  Sebastian jumps to his feet, and Stefano is close behind him.

 

“You guys have got to see this thing!” Torres shouts, gesturing frantically behind her at Obscura, who is craning her neck to peer through the door.

 

“That’s Obscura,” Stefano explains.  “She’s on our side.”

 

Torres glares at him.  “No.  Fucking.  Way.”

 

“She actually is,” Sebastian offers, as he heads for the door.  Torres holds her position.

 

“I’m not going out there with that thing,” Torres says firmly.

 

“Very well,” Stefano says mildly.  “I’ll just send her ahead to meet us in the residential district.  She can’t travel through the Marrow with us anyway.”

 

Stefano goes out into the street, takes Obscura’s camera head in both of his hands, and seems to be giving her instructions.  Sebastian waits just inside the door, trying to give Stefano and Obscura a little privacy.  Torres sidles over to him, her gaze fixed on Obscura.

 

“Who the fuck is this guy?” Torres whispers, jerking her head at Stefano.

 

Sebastian thinks for a moment, trying to find a way to answer Torres’ question that won’t spawn fifty more questions or cause her to open fire on Stefano.

 

“He used to be under Theodore’s influence,” Sebastian says carefully, trying to gauge Torres’ reaction.  She nods without taking her eyes off Obscura.  “But, like the rest of us, he eventually saw Theodore for what he is, and he’s been helping me try to find Lily.”

 

Torres turns from the door to look Sebastian square in the face.  “Look, I’m not stupid.  I know you’re not telling me the whole truth, but this is your plan now.  You’re calling the shots, so you just tell me what I can do to help you get to Lily.”

 

Sebastian glances at the door.  Stefano seems to be looking at more of Obscura’s pictures, and as much as Sebastian wants to get going, it’s kind of cute to see how excited Obscura is to show them off.

 

“Do you have any special skills?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Explosives, mostly,” Torres replies with a grin.  “I was military before I came to work for Mobius.”

 

“Well, if we can get to this cloaking device, then I think I’ve got a job for you,” Sebastian smiles.

 

“Excellent,” Torres says, “I’ve got everything I need at my safe house.  Should I go back there and get it now?”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, “go ahead and do that.  I’ll meet you in the Research Wing, since Stefano should be able to keep tabs on our other two agents.”

 

“Be careful,” Torres says, her expression becoming serious.  “If Theodore’s gotten to them, they may have changed.”

 

“I wouldn’t really describe either one of them as dangerous,” Sebastian says with a laugh.

 

“I’m being serious,” Torres insists.  “Theodore and Myra are on another level.  They can actually physically change Union and the people in it.  Just watch yourself.”

 

“Will do,” Sebastian replies.

 

They both look up at the sound of Obscura galloping off down the street, and Stefano beckons them outside.  Sebastian exits the bar immediately, and Torres follows behind after confirming that Obscura really has left the area.

 

“I’ll pick up my gear and meet you guys in the Research Wing,” Torres says, before taking off at a jog in the direction of Sykes’ safe house.

 

“Stay safe,” Sebastian calls after her, though he’s pretty sure she doesn’t need the warning.  Torres, at least based on how long she has survived and what she knows, is probably the most capable Mobius agent he’s met in Union so far.

 

He turns back to Stefano.  “So, I guess we go back to the post office?”

 

“Yes, I suppose so,” Stefano replies, “for another thrilling trip into the Marrow.”  Despite his attempt at sarcasm, Stefano looks like a man who is being marched to his own execution.

 

Sebastian takes him by the shoulders, looking him in the eye.  “You know, you don’t have to do this.”

 

“I know,” Stefano says simply, unblinking, “but I’m not staying here on my own.”

 

A wave of relief washes over Sebastian, because he’s also been on his own.  He’s been on his own for four years and now he finally feels like he actually has an ally.  Before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s taking a step closer, wrapping his arms tightly around Stefano, and burying his face in Stefano’s neck, or rather, in his scarf.

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian murmurs, breathing in Stefano’s scent and relishing the solid weight of Stefano’s body against his.  “I don’t know if I can do this on my own.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Stefano says quietly, his arms tightening around Sebastian.  “Now let’s get moving before we are spotted by another harbinger or worse.”

 

As much as Sebastian is enjoying holding Stefano, he has to admit that Stefano has a point.  They’ve now confirmed that they are constantly under surveillance by Myra and Theodore, and standing around hugging in the middle of the street is probably asking for trouble.

 

He releases Stefano and steps back.  “Alright,” he says.  “Let’s go.”  They set off in the direction of the post office, hoping that Obscura has cleared a path for them.

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Then what was this about?” Sebastian’s other hand gestures to the place next to his eye, the place where Stefano once cut Sebastian to mark him as his art. Stefano’s gaze flits back and forth between that now-unblemished patch of skin and Sebastian’s eyes, struggles to come up with an answer, because Sebastian does have a point. At least for a second, for one moment of weakness, Stefano did prioritize something over his art, but he is certainly not going to acknowledge that or even allow it to become a topic of discussion.
> 
> Moments turn into seconds. Sebastian’s hands drop to his sides as Sebastian fixes him with a searching look.
> 
> “I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Stefano says tersely, not breaking eye contact.
> 
> “No, you don’t,” Sebastian sighs, “but I really wish you would.”

 

 

“Ready?” Sebastian asks, leaning over the keyboard of the computer in the post office safe house.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, even though he is not ready at all.  He takes a deep breath, moving closer to Sebastian until their shoulders are almost touching, because he needs to stay near Sebastian, needs Sebastian to be there if this creature is going to try to force its way out of his body again.

 

As the darkness closes in around them, he can already feel the creature inside him beginning to move, coiling around itself, pressing out roughly against his body in different directions as though it is searching for something, and suddenly Stefano remembers what happened the last time it emerged, where it directed its attention, and in a rush of inspiration, he realizes what it is actually trying to accomplish.

 

It still doesn’t prevent the cold, shivery, nauseated feeling from building up inside him as the room in the Marrow materializes around him, and it doesn’t stop him from dropping to his knees on the cement floor, but as soon as Sebastian is within reach, Stefano grabs his wrist, placing Sebastian’s hand firmly on his belly and pressing his own hand over it.  The creature inside him stops its wild thrashing and presses toward Sebastian’s hand.

 

“Oh my god,” Sebastian says very close to his ear, and Stefano wonders if Sebastian has reached the same conclusion he has.  He can’t ask though, can’t even find his voice except to let out a breathless moan, because even though the creature isn’t trying to choke him or tear his insides apart anymore, the pressure from inside his body is still intense.  A cold sweat is forming at the small of his back, and his body is shaking against Sebastian, who has shifted to kneel behind him.

 

Stefano tries to breathe deeply, to relax, to focus on the parts of this experience that are not excruciating, like Sebastian’s body flush against his from hip to shoulder and Sebastian’s hands, one pressed tightly to his belly and the other resting over his heart.

 

Sebastian does seem to be on the same page regarding the creature’s intentions, because he is actually grabbing Stefano’s shirt and tugging it free of his pants so that his hand can slip underneath to lie flat against Stefano’s bare skin.  Stefano doesn’t know if the thin layer of fabric makes a difference to the creature or not, but it certainly feels very different to him to have Sebastian’s large, warm hand in direct contact with his body, pressing in from the outside as the creature presses out from the inside.

 

“You’re alright,” Sebastian murmurs.  “I’ve got you.  It’ll be over soon.”  Sebastian’s beard tickles his ear as he speaks his soft words of encouragement, which is pleasantly distracting, but not nearly as distracting as when Sebastian presses a gentle kiss to his temple.  For just a moment, Stefano forgets all about the creature.  He draws in his breath sharply and lets his whole weight rest against Sebastian, who eases them back onto the floor.

 

“Did you just kiss me?” Stefano asks, once he’s caught his breath, because he’s still a little incredulous that Sebastian would be so bold.

 

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Sebastian says, still speaking directly into his ear in that gruff voice that makes Stefano shiver for entirely different reasons than before.  “Sorry,” he adds, voice getting a little gentler, “was that too much?”

 

“No, not at all,” Stefano replies, because all he felt when Sebastian kissed him was warm and safe and maybe the smallest bit excited.  “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

 

“Neither was I,” Sebastian says.  “Think I just got a little carried away.”

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano says, rubbing his hand over Sebastian’s where it rests on his belly.

 

“So Myra’s not tracking you at all, is she?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “She seems to be tracking you, in fact.”

 

“I could feel it before,” Sebastian says.  “Is it getting any better?”

 

“A little,” Stefano says.  The pressure is gradually lessening in intensity, perhaps as the creature is satisfied with having located Sebastian.  “Stay like this a while longer though, if you don’t mind.” 

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says quietly, “as long as you need.”

 

“I suppose when we are traveling like this, we are disrupting whatever signal this thing is sending Myra,” Stefano muses, letting his head fall back onto Sebastian’s shoulder and turning his face toward Sebastian.  “Which is why she then has to reacquire your location.”

 

“Maybe,” Sebastian says, “but it didn’t seem nearly this bad the first few times.”

 

“That’s true,” Stefano agrees.

 

“Maybe Myra’s becoming more desperate… or less human,” Sebastian says, a bitter tone creeping into his voice.

 

Stefano isn’t sure what to say to that, so he simply closes his eye and takes a few more deep breaths, moving his hand from over Sebastian’s, because it feels like the creature inside him has finally settled down again.

 

Sebastian’s hand begins to make slow circles on Stefano’s belly, and Stefano almost laughs, because it turns out that Sebastian’s frequent and impulsive touching has actually been doing some good all along.  And the more Sebastian touches and explores, the more comforted and safe and pleasantly warm Stefano feels until without really thinking about it, he is turning his face toward Sebastian’s again so that Sebastian can softly kiss his forehead.

 

Sebastian freezes.  “I just did it again, didn’t I?”

 

Stefano does laugh this time.  “You can’t help yourself, it seems.”  There is something unabashedly charming about how thoroughly Sebastian loses himself in his attempts to administer comfort.  He clearly acts without thinking, he has no agenda, and he isn’t expecting anything from Stefano, which allows Stefano to enjoy his attentions without fear of whether he will be able to respond appropriately.

 

As much as Stefano is enjoying their current situation, they can’t sit on the floor indefinitely.  “We should probably go and find this O’Neal person,” Stefano says.  “I think I’ll be alright now.”

 

If Stefano didn’t know better, he would say that Sebastian is reluctant to let go of him, but they do manage to disentangle themselves from each other and get to their feet.  Stefano is a bit sore, but it’s nothing compared to the last time, which is a tremendous relief.  It seems that as long as Sebastian stays close enough that Myra can reacquire him after every spatial jump, they can avoid some of the more unpleasant side effects of the marker fluid.

 

Stefano rearranges his clothes, and they move forward into the main room of Hoffman’s safe house.  Once again, she doesn’t seem to be there.

 

“Can you tell where they are?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano finds that he can.  Even though he is not entirely clear on the layout of the Marrow, he can see two bright points of light up ahead of them, through the door labeled Research Wing.

 

“This way,” he replies, gesturing toward the door.  “Though I can’t see exactly where.”

 

“Could I convince you to wait here and have a cup of coffee while I investigate?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Not a chance,” Stefano replies.  “What if Myra suddenly decides she needs to check up on you?”

 

“Fair enough,” Sebastian replies as he checks the magazine in his pistol.  “I don’t know what kind of weird bullshit goes on in the Research Wing anyway, so I’d rather have you by my side.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t look at him as he speaks, but Stefano still feels the significance of the words, and it makes him flush warm with pleasure to realize that Sebastian truly does think of him as an ally now.  Stefano wants to live up to Sebastian’s expectations, to make sure that he continues to be valuable to Sebastian, but that sets off a twinge of panic as he remembers what it was like to serve Theodore, to desire Theodore’s approval. 

 

Before he can go too far down that path, he catches himself, reminds himself that this is not the same thing.  Somehow, despite the circumstances under which they formed their alliance, Sebastian treats him as an equal, and Sebastian has been very clear about what he expects from their partnership, and most importantly, Sebastian hasn’t lied to him, at least not that he has been able to detect.

 

He realizes that he’s been lost in thought for at least a few seconds, because Sebastian is regarding him over the top of his crossbow with a bemused expression.  “You ready?” he asks.

 

Stefano nods.  “Let’s go.”

 

Once they’re through the door, a long hallway leads to an elevator.  Sebastian looks questioningly at Stefano, who consults his mental map.

 

“Down three floors, I think,” Stefano says.

 

Sebastian nods, and presses the down button.  “So do you ever miss anything from the real world?” he asks.

 

“What?” Stefano has to take a moment to even process what Sebastian is asking.

 

“While you’ve been in Union,” Sebastian says.  “Is there anything you’ve missed from your life before?”  The elevator doors open and they step inside.  Sebastian selects a floor and the doors close.

 

“No,” Stefano doesn’t even need to think about that question, now that he understands it.  “No, until recently I barely remembered anything from my life before Union.”  The elevator begins to descend.

 

“Really?” Sebastian presses.  “I mean, I know about your family, but there was no one else-”

 

“No,” Stefano interrupts, because the more Sebastian presses on this point, the more he is starting to remember how alone he was before Union, and the memories are not pleasant.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian says quietly, turning away from Stefano to face the elevator doors.

 

Stefano realizes belatedly that Sebastian was probably just trying to make polite conversation or learn more about him, both of which he hasn’t experienced in quite some time, but before he can say anything, the elevator doors are opening, and clearly the time for small talk is over.

 

Bodies, both of Mobius agents and former Union citizens, are strewn about the small entryway to the lab.  Furniture is upended and lighting fixtures have been torn from the ceiling.  Whatever happened here, it was violent and looks to have occurred somewhat recently.

 

Sebastian steps off the elevator first, scans the environment, and beckons Stefano after him, stepping carefully around broken glass and pieces of furniture.  He moves forward cautiously, Stefano following behind, eyes on the corpses for any sign of movement.

 

There’s a small office off to the left, and when Sebastian steps inside, a flash of light and the sound of breaking glass tell Stefano that there’s a mirror portal back to Sebastian’s room.

 

Stefano pokes his head through the doorway, eager to make sure that Sebastian isn’t planning to leave him.  “Are you-?”

 

“No,” Sebastian says quickly. “Not right now.”

 

Stefano nods and takes a step back, monitoring the elevator to his left and the heavy metal doors to his right, even though everything around them is deathly silent.  Even Sebastian’s footsteps seem loud as he slowly approaches a dead Mobius agent, crouches down, extracts a handgun magazine from her belt, and slowly backs away.

 

Back in the hallway with Stefano, Sebastian tucks the magazine away with his other supplies.  “I don’t like this at all,” he says, eyes shifting uneasily back and forth.  “Can you see Hoffman and O’Neal?”

 

“Up ahead,” Stefano gestures through the metal doors.  “They’re a few rooms away still, but they’re there.”  He pauses.  “Or someone is there, at least.  I can’t actually tell who it is.”

 

“What about Torres?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano refocuses on his map again, scans it for another point of light, and finds one.  “Maybe back at her own safe house?  She’s nowhere near us at the moment.”

 

Sebastian nods and pushes open the metal doors leading further into the Research Wing.  They open into a long, brightly lit hallway.

 

“What was your impression of Torres?” Sebastian asks as he starts walking down the hall.

 

“She reminded me a bit of you,” Stefano replies without thinking.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asks Sebastian without turning around.

 

Stefano does think for a moment about this answer, but it’s not hard to figure out where the comparison comes from.  “She’s tough and capable, and there’s something driving her actions beyond just her own survival.  That alone sets her apart from every other Mobius agent I’ve encountered.”

 

Sebastian stops walking but continues looking straight ahead.  “Which makes sense if she came in here as part of Myra’s plan to rescue Lily, but why is she still on that plan if Myra’s gone off the rails?  Why defy Mobius and risk her life to rescue a kid she doesn’t even know?”

 

Stefano draws up next to Sebastian, the corner of his mouth twitching as he realizes that Sebastian’s ingrained skepticism is preventing him from seeing the obvious answer to this question.  “Some people have an inexplicable need to help others,” he says.

 

Sebastian does look at him then and cocks his head to one side.  “Are you making a joke?” he asks, looking as though he’s unsure whether it’s appropriate to laugh or not.

 

“More of an observation,” Stefano says, flashes him a wink, and continues down the hall.  It only takes Sebastian a few quick steps to catch up with Stefano, pivot in front of him, and block his path so that Stefano has to stop abruptly to avoid crashing into him.

 

“Look, if you’re going to suddenly develop a sense of humor and a conscience, I’m going to have to assume that I’ve entered some weird sub-level of STEM,” Sebastian says, crossing his arms over his chest.  The expression on his face is serious.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano sighs deeply, because this probably isn’t the time to have an in-depth discussion about morality and also because, despite Sebastian’s perception of things, nothing about Stefano has fundamentally changed at all.  “It’s not that I don’t have a conscience.”  He pauses, trying to think of the simplest way to explain this to Sebastian.  “You put your moral code above all else.  Mine is secondary to my aspirations as an artist.”

 

Feeling like this should satisfy Sebastian, Stefano starts to take another step forward, but he’s stopped by Sebastian’s palm against his chest.

 

“Then what was this about?” Sebastian’s other hand gestures to the place next to his eye, the place where Stefano once cut Sebastian to mark him as his art.  Stefano’s gaze flits back and forth between that now-unblemished patch of skin and Sebastian’s eyes, struggles to come up with an answer, because Sebastian does have a point.  At least for a second, for one moment of weakness, Stefano did prioritize something over his art, but he is certainly not going to acknowledge that or even allow it to become a topic of discussion.

 

Moments turn into seconds.  Sebastian’s hands drop to his sides as Sebastian fixes him with a searching look.

 

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Stefano says tersely, not breaking eye contact.

 

“No, you don’t,” Sebastian sighs, “but I really wish you would.”

 

Even if he did want to explain himself to Sebastian, he can hardly explain to someone else what he can’t even begin to understand himself, so Stefano simply shakes his head.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says softly.  He opens his mouth to speak again, but before he can say anything, there is a crash from the room ahead of them, followed by a chorus of grunts and moans and shrieks that tells Stefano they are about to have company.  He takes his camera in one hand and his knife in the other, and follows Sebastian to the door, trying to keep his footsteps as quiet as possible.

 

Sebastian grabs the door handle, and they both freeze for a moment, but none of the sounds on the other side of the door are giving them any more information about what to expect, so Stefano nods at Sebastian, and Sebastian pulls the door open in one quick movement.

 

To Stefano’s surprise, nothing is moving in the room in front of them.  Stefano can still hear the groaning and wailing, but it seems to be coming from the floor above them, which means that they may not have to deal with it for the moment.

 

Stefano does a quick check of his mental map and spots their targets about two rooms away to their left.   Since everything seems to be quiet on their floor, Stefano nods to Sebastian, then continues forward, quietly stepping over and around broken glass and toppled furniture until he reaches the central hallway of the room. 

 

He turns to his left, where there is a heavy security door that luckily seems to be lodged in the open position.  As he starts down the hallway beyond it, glancing behind him to make sure Sebastian is following, he can hear raised voices in the distance.

 

“Shit,” Sebastian growls, dashing forward.  He vaults over a gurney that it blocking the hall, kicks open the door to the next room, and disappears around a corner.

 

Stefano would have recommended a more cautious approach, had Sebastian been inclined to ask his opinion, but he is no longer surprised by Sebastian’s propensity to hurl himself headlong into danger when he thinks that there is an opportunity to do something heroic.

 

In fact, Stefano only has to step through the door into the next room before Sebastian is hurling himself headlong into Stefano, shoving him up against a pillar as flames erupt all around them.  Clearly, they have found themselves another harbinger.

 

When the flames die down, they sprint from cover together, around the corner and into a room full of lab tables.  Sebastian dives behind one of the tables and creeps along to the end of the row, pausing there for a moment to peer down the aisle in the direction they came from.

 

Stefano sidles up next to him.  “Where is O’Neal?” Stefano hisses.

 

“I think that is O’Neal,” Sebastian whispers back.  “Can Theodore do that?”

 

“I don’t know,” Stefano counters in an urgent whisper as the harbinger that might be O’Neal strolls into view.  He moves casually, like he’s hunting them at his leisure, and they shift around to the other side of the tables to stay out of sight as he make his way around the room.

 

“You underestimated me once.  Never again,” groans the harbinger.

 

“Can you freeze him?” Sebastian asks without taking his eyes off the creature.

 

“Yes,” Stefano answers, leaning in close to Sebastian’s ear, “but just for a few seconds, like before, so you’ll need to hit him with something powerful.”

 

“Got it,” Sebastian mutters, grabbing the sniper rifle off his back.  “Ready when you are.”

 

Stefano waits until the harbinger is facing them and in the center aisle of the room to give Sebastian the cleanest shot, then nods at Sebastian, leans out from behind their hiding place, and clicks his camera.  There’s a flash of blue light, and Sebastian is immediately on his feet, executing five headshots with the sniper rifle in rapid succession.

 

The box breaks and the harbinger staggers backward, tearing its gas mask from its face, which is surprisingly human underneath.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian sighs.  “That’s O’Neal.”  Stefano thinks this is probably the wrong time to worry about who the harbinger is or used to be, because he’s currently more concerned with whether they’re about to be roasted alive.

 

“That’s it!  I’m done playing with you!” O’Neal howls, throwing the gas mask to the ground and firing up the flamethrower again.

 

So much for taking him down quickly, Stefano thinks, as he and Sebastian bolt back toward the door they entered through.  He can feel the heat, wonders if his clothes are being singed as they dive around a corner.

 

“Now what?” Sebastian asks, as they sprint down a narrow hallway, pausing at the end to see if O’Neal is following them.

 

“We need to get out of sight again,” Stefano says.  “The range on the flamethrower is too close to the range on my camera.  We need to take him by surprise.”

 

Sebastian nods, loading a bolt into his crossbow and firing it down the hallway.  He repeats the action twice more, and Stefano is about to ask him what he is doing, when O’Neal comes around the corner and the bolt explodes, throwing O’Neal backward a few feet.

 

“Come on,” Sebastian says, “That should at least slow him down some.”

 

They run through the next room, turning the corner into the room with the lab tables as another explosion goes off somewhere behind them.  They duck behind a partition, and when the third explosion sounds, it’s followed by a cry of rage from O’Neal.

 

Stefano turns to Sebastian.  “Are you sure this is hurting him?  It sounds like you’re just making him angry.”

 

Sebastian gives a dismissive wave of his hand.  “Just get ready to freeze him when he comes around the corner,” Sebastian whispers.  “I’ve got four shotgun shells left.  After I use up those, do you think you can get in there and stab him?”

 

“If it’s from the back,” Stefano whispers.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says.  “Stay here then.  I’ll get his attention.”

 

Stefano is about to speak up and tell Sebastian what a stupid idea it is to attract the attention of someone with an extremely powerful flamethrower, but Sebastian is already standing up from their hiding place and dashing back into the room next door.  The resulting burst of flames tells Stefano that O’Neal has certainly seen him, so he waits for Sebastian to run by again, followed by O’Neal, who doesn’t seem to be interested in moving any faster than his methodical walk.

 

Fortunately, Sebastian has the good sense to get out of camera range himself, and one he has done so, Stefano quickly stands up, freezes O’Neal inside the blue box, then hits the floor again for four shotgun rounds before phasing right behind O’Neal and delivering a powerful stab to his torso.  Stefano sighs in satisfaction as the knife, an extension of Stefano himself, glides through O’Neal’s flesh, and by the third stab, Stefano can tell that O’Neal is not going to be a threat to them any more.  He stabs him twice more just to make that feeling last a little longer, then releases him and steps back.

 

O’Neal slumps to the floor in slow-motion before the box breaks.  He leans back against the wall, gasping for breath and making a gurgling sound that is music to Stefano’s ears.

 

Sebastian crosses behind them and pulls the emergency sprinkler handle, which suppresses some of the fires burning in the room around them, but also results in all of them being lightly misted with water.  Hoffman runs out of a side room holding her hands over her face, and she and Sebastian drop to the floor next to O’Neal.  Stefano stands back and simply watches, because he is certainly not going to miss this part.

 

“The machine…” gasps O’Neal, “…in the next room-”  His words are lost in a fit of wet coughing, and although his clothes are too dark to show the blood on him, Stefano can see it pooling under his body, merging with the water from the overhead sprinklers, running in watery pink trickles to the drains in the floor.

 

“I built it…” another wet, choking, gagging sound followed by a raspy intake of breath, “…to hide him.”  O’Neal coughs again and this time there is definitely blood leaking from his mouth, dark and red and exquisite, and Stefano would reach out and run his fingers through it except that he’s fairly certain Sebastian or Hoffman or both of them would consider that impolite.

 

“Need to destroy it,” gurgles O’Neal.  He tries to inhale again, then again, but each time it’s cut short, and Stefano knows that they are out of time, that there is no room left in O’Neal’s lungs for air because they are filling up with blood, and that in a matter of seconds, he will drown.  He considers pointing this out to Sebastian, in case Sebastian can’t appreciate the precision of his stab wounds, but Sebastian seems more interested in trying to get information out of O’Neal, who is definitely not going to be able to speak ever again.

 

This is not Stefano’s favorite manner of death at all.  It lacks the drama of a headshot or a severed artery, but in a way, it seems appropriate.  After all, didn’t Mobius trap all of them here, intend to leave all of them here to drown in their own past traumas and false memories?  Isn’t there someone in a control room somewhere, watching a monitor, waiting to see those last few electrical impulses leave his brain the way he is watching O’Neal’s fingers twitch and his jaw go slack and the blood slowly stop flowing as his heart stops?

 

Hoffman stays crouched beside O’Neal’s body, but Sebastian stands up and jerks his head toward the next room.  Stefano follows him and finds that the next room is some kind of cross between a workshop and a religious shrine, which he supposes is exactly what it should look like if O’Neal was tasked with making a cloaking device for Theodore.

 

“Where’s Torres?” Sebastian grunts, leaning forward and resting his elbows on one of the counters, facing away from Stefano.

 

Stefano quickly consults his mental map.  “Hoffman’s safe house.  She’s headed our way.”

 

Sebastian nods, but as he turns away from the counter, Stefano can see that his jaw is still set in a hard line and his eyes are darting around the room from one surface to another.  “Of course there’s no coffeemaker in here,” he grumbles.

 

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you or am I supposed to guess?” Stefano asks, because he may not be the most intuitive person, but Sebastian is clearly agitated about something.

 

“I just got tagged a little bit back there,” Sebastian says.  He grabs a syringe from his pocket and hands it to Stefano.  “Can you find somewhere to stick this that’s not burned?”

 

Stefano is immediately suspicious, because despite the number of injury-inducing events that he has seen befall Sebastian, this is the first time he has actually heard Sebastian admit to being injured.

 

“I’m not going to blindly stab you with… whatever this is,” Stefano says, realizing for the first time that he really doesn’t know what is in these syringes Sebastian has been carrying around.  “Get some of your clothes off.  Let me see what I’m working with.”  Stefano hopes he doesn’t sound too eager, because he is intrigued by the chance to see Sebastian’s body.

 

Sebastian mutters something under his breath that sounds like, “Now who wants to play doctor?” but Stefano ignores him and waits while he unbuckles his chest holster and drops it on the counter, then struggles out of his shirt with no small amount of swearing and groaning and unsuccessfully muffled yelps, because apparently when heated enough skin and fabric can become stuck together.

 

When Sebastian has managed to wrestle his way out of his shirt and thrown it aside as though it has personally offended him, Stefano takes a step closer to survey the damage.

 

“This is what you call ‘tagged a little bit’?” Stefano asks in disbelief, because Sebastian’s chest and arms are splotched all over with various shades of red and pink.  Some places are already looking a little charred while others are raw, oozing, and blistered.

 

“Yes, this is what happens when you get ‘tagged a little bit’ with a flamethrower!” Sebastian snaps as Stefano circles around behind him to confirm that his back is in pretty much the same condition as his front.  “Can you hurry up and just use the syringe?  This really fucking hurts.”

 

“Do you actually want me to stick a needle into a third degree burn?” Stefano asks, mildly curious about whether that’s the sort of thing Sebastian might be interested in, but fairly confident that he’s just putting on a brave face.  “What about the green gel?”  He gestures to the counter behind Sebastian, where there is in fact a jar of green gel.

 

“I don’t give a shit,” growls Sebastian, “but please do something now or I’ll do it myself.”

 

Stefano does not enjoy watching Sebastian suffer- far from it, in fact- but it is certainly a refreshing change of pace to be the one treating Sebastian’s wounds.  He sets the syringe down on the counter, because no matter what Sebastian says, Stefano is sure he won’t appreciate having needles stuck in him at the moment.

 

Sebastian seems to be done complaining, because he has gone quiet as Stefano removes his gloves, uncaps the green gel, and dips his fingers into it.  He has barely touched Sebastian’s shoulder blade when Sebastian jerks away, hissing in what Stefano assumes is pain or surprise or both.

 

“Get back here,” Stefano says with a roll of his eye that goes unnoticed because Sebastian is facing away from him.  With all of the growling and hissing and flailing around, Stefano is starting to feel a bit like he is administering first aid to a wild animal.  “I’m not going to chase you around.”

 

Sebastian laughs and takes a step backward, toward Stefano.  “There’s the Stefano I know,” he says.  “Though you could try being a little more sympathetic.”

 

“That looks very painful,” Stefano says, making a conscious effort to soften his voice.  “I’m still not going to chase you around.”

 

Sebastian laughs again, though it is punctuated by hisses and yelps as Stefano spreads the gel across his back and shoulders.  Stefano is legitimately trying to be careful, but he’s always been under the impression that burns are extremely painful to even a gentle touch, so he’s not surprised that even his best efforts seem to be causing Sebastian no small amount of discomfort.  Sebastian, for his part, does manage to stay in one place for the rest of the treatment.

 

When Sebastian’s back is free of blisters and has returned to its normal color, or at least what Stefano assumes is its normal color considering he has never had the pleasure of viewing Sebastian’s naked back before, Stefano circles around to the front of his body, where his task suddenly becomes much more difficult. 

 

Stefano is unsure whether it is the fact that he is standing about a foot from Sebastian, running his hands over Sebastian’s bare chest, the way that Sebastian is breathing heavily and making small, stifled moans every few seconds, or the very intriguing lines of Sebastian’s body that are being revealed as the burns fade away, but Stefano is feeling a little flushed and agitated himself by the time he finishes rubbing gel into Sebastian’s forearm.

 

He glances up and locks eyes with Sebastian, who is still breathing hard and is now worrying his lower lip between his teeth.  There are clearly two ways to approach this situation, and apparently, Sebastian is leaving it up to him, because he’s not moving any closer or any further away. 

 

Stefano hesitates a second longer, and then asks, “You’re okay now?”  It’s the safe choice, and part of him is disappointed in himself for making it, but that intensity, that hunger that he saw a second ago in Sebastian’s eyes is just too much.  If he allows that, if he reciprocates that, it’s going to swallow him whole, and he doesn’t understand fully what’s going on, but for a moment, just a moment, that excitement felt like fear.

 

Sebastian smiles warmly, maybe a little wistfully.  “Yeah, I’m good.  Thanks.”  He turns back to the counter, and Stefano steps away, tries to figure out what exactly just happened to him.

 

Before he can make any headway, he hears two female voices conversing in the next room.  “You may want to put your shirt back on,” he advises Sebastian.  “I think Torres is here.”

 

“Right,” Sebastian says.  “Don’t want anyone to get any ideas.”

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoffman’s eyes are wide. “This is Theodore we’re talking about, so yes, it matters. You’ve seen what he can do, and now he knows all about you. He knows about the fire, he knows about Beacon, he knows all of your test scores and your psychiatric reports and your struggles with reality after your first time in STEM, and-”
> 
> “But so what?” Sebastian sighs. “I know how he operates. He’ll try to get in my head like he tries to get into everyone else’s. He’s tried it before, and I fought him off.” He shoots a meaningful glance at Stefano, who has taken out his knife and now appears to be mesmerized by it. “I just have to be ready when he tries it again.”
> 
> “I think he already has,” Hoffman says.

 

 

Sebastian struggles back into his shirt, grateful that the fabric is no longer sticking to his newly healed skin.  Burns, he remembers now, are fucking terrible.  He sustained quite a few when he went into the house fire to look for Lily, and he remembers weeks of pain and oozing sores and changing dressings and none of that even began to compare to the pain of actually losing Lily.

 

He glances over at Stefano, who is putting the cap back on the green gel and pulling his gloves back on.  Sebastian knows that he’s a terrible patient, but he does appreciate Stefano’s efforts.  Even if Stefano isn’t the most outwardly sympathetic person, he was gentle and thorough and it’s not his fault that by the end of the session, the effect his touches were having on Sebastian was not exactly soothing.

 

Sebastian takes a few deep breaths and tries to clear his head, because once the pain from the burns had gone, it was just Stefano’s hands on him, caressing him, and for fuck’s sake he’s a forty-one year old man, not some horny teenager, but those touches had his heart racing and his stomach flipping over, and it’s probably a good thing he’s not a teenager or he would have had a much more visible reaction to Stefano’s proximity.

 

And that brings him to why Stefano is now keeping a respectable distance from him and refusing to make eye contact.  Stefano was also obviously affected by what happened a moment ago, but he stopped short.  Sebastian was fully prepared to kiss him, wanted to kiss him, to pull him close, to let his hands roam over Stefano’s body in a very different context than they had earlier, but Stefano hadn’t closed the distance.  Of course, that could be for any number of reasons, so Sebastian doesn’t feel rejected so much as disappointed.

 

Almost as though he is reading Sebastian’s mind, Stefano makes eye contact with Sebastian, a blush creeping onto his visible cheek before he quickly looks back at the floor.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says, slipping his chest holster back on and buckling it.  “It’s okay.”  He waits for Stefano’s eye to meet his again before he says, “I said you were safe with me, and I meant it.”

 

Stefano opens his mouth and seems to be about to speak when Torres sweeps into the room with her arms full of packages and a large tactical pack on her back.

 

“Okay, who’s ready for some demolition?” Torres asks, sounding like she’s been ready for some demolition since she got into STEM.

 

“Glad you made it,” Sebastian says, slightly amused by the fact that Torres’ arsenal of explosives probably weighs as much as she does.   However, he is not going to let that amusement show, because Torres could probably beat him up.

 

“Where’s the cloaking device?” Torres asks, looking around the room, and Sebastian realizes he doesn’t actually know where it is or what it looks like.

 

“Keep going down the hall,” Hoffman enters behind Torres, drawing a hand across her eyes, which are still slightly puffy.  “I saw it earlier.”

 

“I’ll go get set up,” Torres says, shifting the packages in her arms before she heads off down the hall.  “Come on down when you’re ready for the fireworks,” she calls over her shoulder.

 

“Thanks, we’ll be right there,” Sebastian says.

 

He turns to Hoffman, who speaks.  “At least he’s free from Theodore now.”  Her tone is bitter and her eyes are fixed on the floor.  “Although he’s made a lot more work for us with this cloaking device.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies.  “I’m not sure I can blame O’Neal though.  Theodore seems to have a way of manipulating people’s minds.  And sometimes more, I guess.”  They both look back through the doorway to where O’Neal’s body lies.

 

After a long pause, Hoffman drags her gaze up to Sebastian’s face.  “There’s something I need to tell you,” she says.

 

“I know you talked to Theodore at the hotel,” Sebastian says, trying to save some time as much as to make this easier for Hoffman.

 

“Yes,” Hoffman says, looking earnestly into Sebastian’s eyes.  “He asked me to tell him about you.”

 

“And did you?” Sebastian asks.

 

Hoffman nods.  “I’m sorry, Sebastian.  I didn’t know… what he’d become.  I thought he’d come in to try to stabilize things like the rest of us.  I-”

 

“Does it matter?” Sebastian asks.  “I mean, what difference does it make if he knows whatever is in your file about me.”

 

Hoffman’s eyes are wide.  “This is Theodore we’re talking about, so yes, it matters.  You’ve seen what he can do, and now he knows all about you.  He knows about the fire, he knows about Beacon, he knows all of your test scores and your psychiatric reports and your struggles with reality after your first time in STEM, and-”

 

“But so what?” Sebastian sighs.  “I know how he operates.  He’ll try to get in my head like he tries to get into everyone else’s.  He’s tried it before, and I fought him off.”  He shoots a meaningful glance at Stefano, who has taken out his knife and now appears to be mesmerized by it.  “I just have to be ready when he tries it again.”

 

“I think he already has,” Hoffman says.

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, trying to keep his voice calm and even despite Hoffman’s insistence on this problem that doesn’t actually seem to be a problem.

 

Hoffman casts her eyes up to the ceiling and then looks back at Sebastian.  “The last time I talked to you, you were going to kill Stefano.”  She pauses and looks at Sebastian for confirmation.

 

“Yes,” says Sebastian.

 

“So why didn’t you?” Hoffman says, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“That’s… sort of complicated,” Sebastian mumbles, casting a sidelong glance at Stefano, because he isn’t sure how Stefano feels about other people knowing what happened in the dungeon, even in general terms.  Stefano shrugs and goes back to examining the blade of his knife.

 

“No,” Hoffman says, firmly.  “Tell me why you didn’t kill him the very next time you saw him.”

 

Sebastian sighs.  “Because the next time I saw him, he had been very badly… beaten and tortured by Theodore.  I would have had to be some kind of monster to kill him then.  There is no one who would have hurt him while he was in that condition.”  Sebastian is feeling a little sick just remembering it now, and he doesn’t understand why he has to justify this to Hoffman of all people.

 

Hoffman nods.  “So you didn’t kill him.  What did you do?”

 

“Did some first aid.  Asked some questions about Lily,” Sebastian says dismissively, since he still doesn’t understand what this has to do with his weakness to Theodore.

 

“And whose idea was it that you take Stefano with you?” Hoffman asks.

 

“You mean, instead of just leaving him there?” Sebastian’s voice is rising in frustration, but he doesn’t care.  “It was mine!  Was I supposed to leave him there so Theodore could keep hurting him?”

 

“No,” Hoffman says coldly.  “You were supposed to take him with you so that the two of you would be strong enough to defeat Myra and your every move would be traceable by Theodore.”

 

“What?” snaps Sebastian, just as Stefano’s knife hits the floor.  “That’s ridiculous!”  He glances over at Stefano, who has retrieved his knife and put it away, and is now staring hard at Hoffman.

 

“Surely you can see how this situation is advantageous to Theodore,” Hoffman says, and her tone is becoming a little condescending.  “He knows you two have a better shot at getting Lily back from Myra than he ever will.  He knows where you are at all times.  And he knows that the second Lily is back in your hands, you two are at odds again.  So my only question,” she turns to Stefano, “is did you know about this from the beginning?”

 

“How dare you!” Stefano snarls, stepping forward so that he is only a few feet from Hoffman.  Sebastian puts a hand on his chest, blocking him from getting any closer, though Sebastian sympathizes with his sudden anger.

 

“It almost doesn’t matter,” Hoffman continues, taking a step forward herself as her voice rises in pitch and volume.  “Either way, your alliance falls apart as soon as one of you has Lily, and Theodore knows that.”

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says in his best conflict-resolution voice.  “Stefano wasn’t part of this.  I’m sure of it.”  He gently nudges both Stefano and Hoffman backward and away from each other.  “If Theodore did plan this, it was without Stefano’s help.”

 

Sebastian vividly remembers the wounds and the burns and everything else that Stefano’s body was subjected to, remembers the fear in his face and voice, remembers Stefano asking him for help ending his life, and he is sure that Stefano was not knowingly participating in any plan.

 

“Sebastian,” Hoffman sighs.  “What do you mean ‘if’?  What other explanation is there?”

 

Sebastian casts about in his mind, but they’ve already shot down the other obvious explanations for the torture.  Theodore clearly wasn’t trying to get information from Stefano and if it was simply intended as punishment, there’s no good reason why Stefano was able to escape.  Since he can’t answer Hoffman’s question, he switches gears entirely.

 

“But there have to be a hundred easier ways to get us to work together than what he did,” Sebastian says, aware that he is speaking loudly again, but unable to stop himself.

 

“Name one,” Hoffman says.  Sebastian opens his mouth to speak, but she cuts him off.  “One.  Just one other situation that could have resulted in you working with the man who had just kidnapped your daughter.”

 

Hoffman takes a step back looking pretty fucking smug, and Sebastian tries to reach into his mind to produce just such a situation, but he draws a blank, because suddenly, the only thing that he can remember is how angry he was at Stefano when he opened those double doors into the theatre, how determined he was to kill him.  If someone had asked him, at that moment, what would cause him to make Stefano his ally, he would have answered that there was nothing, that he would destroy Stefano with the last breath in his body.

 

And maybe Theodore did manipulate him.  Maybe Theodore found the one thing he could do to eliminate any threat posed by Stefano, to make him appear to be someone who needed Sebastian’s protection.  And then there’s a cold, sick, empty feeling welling up inside of him as he realizes that what was done to Stefano was done entirely for his benefit.  And right on the heels of the cold feeling is the heat rising in his face, the tight feeling in his chest, the sudden, blinding rage that anyone could be so cruel, and before Sebastian knows what’s happening, Hoffman and Stefano might as well not be there and he’s in motion, running, striking with his fists because he needs to destroy something.  There is pain in his hands and arms, but it is muted, subdued by his anger.  He is wet and cold and numb, even as he lashes out all around him.  His ears are full of noise, screams, crashes, the rushing of air, until a familiar voice breaks through.

 

“Sebastian, it’s alright,” Stefano says quietly, his voice very close to Sebastian’s ear.  “Just relax for a moment.”

 

Despite the fact that most of Sebastian’s muscles still seem to want to move violently, Stefano’s voice is calm and soothing, and Sebastian tries to relax, takes some deep breaths, and realizes that he is back in the room where all of the sprinklers are still going off, that he is sitting on the floor leaning back against Stefano who is leaning against a wall, and that there seem to be several large shards of glass protruding from his hands and forearms.

 

“Fuck,” he groans, trying to twist around to look at Stefano.  He is somewhat hampered by the fact that Stefano’s arms are locked around his arms and chest in a way that suggests a friendly restraint more than an actual hug.  “You can let go.  I’m okay now,” he says.  Then after a pause, “I am okay, right?”

 

“Yes, yes,” Stefano murmurs in his ear.  “Can you bring me that jar of green gel?” he says a bit louder, and Sebastian looks up to see Hoffman nod and go back into the workshop room.

 

“What happened?” Sebastian asks, because he does remember being very angry and now he seems to be inexplicably injured.

 

“You may have overreacted slightly to recent topics of discussion,” Stefano says quietly as he helps Sebastian sit up, then slides out from behind him.  Sebastian starts to get to his feet, but Stefano’s hand is on his shoulder, pushing him down.  “Just stay there for a minute.”

 

Hoffman returns with the jar of green gel and hands it to Stefano, who sits down cross-legged on the floor in front of Sebastian, removing his gloves again.

 

“I’m going to see how Torres is doing,” Hoffman says, her eyes wide and searching.  “Have you got this?”

 

Stefano nods at her.  “We’ll be fine.  See you in a few minutes,” he says, and Hoffman goes back into the workshop, casting one last glance over her shoulder at Sebastian.

 

Sebastian closes his eyes and lets his head fall back against the wall behind him.  Unfortunately he does now remember the discussion they were having before he apparently punched a window or something.  Stefano takes one of Sebastian’s hands in his and begins to carefully remove glass from his wounds.

 

“Do you think she’s right?” Sebastian asks, wincing as Stefano extracts a long shard of glass from the heel of his left hand.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, working green gel down into the wound.  “It makes sense.  I feel a little foolish for not recognizing it before.”

 

“I am so sorry,” Sebastian says, watching Stefano spread green gel along a deep laceration in his forearm.  He hisses in pain as Stefano works the gel in deeper, but within seconds the pain is fading to a tingle and the wound is closing up.

 

“Now what do you have to be sorry about?” Stefano asks, meeting Sebastian’s eyes as he looks up from the wound.

 

“Because it’s my fault,” Sebastian moans, feeling utterly miserable.  “The whole reason he did all of those things to you was so I would…” He looks back down at his own hands, unable to even finish the thought.

 

“Did you want any of those things to happen to me?” Stefano says softly, moving on to Sebastian’s right hand.  He seems a little perplexed by the fact that this hand is already bandaged, but it too is bleeding and full of glass.

 

“No,” Sebastian says immediately.  “My god, Stefano, no.  I would never-”

 

“Then it’s not your fault,” Stefano says, looking up into Sebastian’s face again.   “You can’t help Theodore being what he is.”  Stefano takes hold of the bandage around Sebastian’s right hand.  “Now what is this about?”

 

Sebastian looks down at it as though he’s seeing it for the first time.  “Oh, that was a bar fight,” he replies.  “Seems like a long time ago.”  It seems like another lifetime.

 

“I’m sure,” Stefano says, unwrapping the bandage and setting it aside.  Underneath, Sebastian’s knuckles are bruised and swollen and of course there are more cuts and more glass further up his forearm.  Stefano sets to work with the green gel, and as nice as it is to have Stefano’s hands on him again, this time Sebastian is still too frustrated, too numb to feel anything more than comfort and relief.  This is interesting in its own way, because Sebastian hates doctors and hospitals, hates being poked and prodded and feeling like he’s being studied, but he feels none of that when Stefano is tending his wounds.

 

Finally, Stefano seems to be satisfied with the condition of Sebastian’s hands and arms.  He stands up and extends a hand to Sebastian, who takes it and allows Stefano to help him to his feet.  They’re both a little damp because they’re still standing under the overhead sprinklers, so Sebastian heads right into the workshop room, where it at least is dry.

 

When Stefano enters the room behind him, Sebastian turns and fixes him with a serious look.  “This doesn’t change anything about us working together, does it?”

 

“Not that I can see,” Stefano says, pulling on his gloves.  “I think we’ll need to be very careful once we get Lily, but I don’t think this changes anything in the short term.”

 

Sebastian nods, because right now, he also sees no reason to change anything from their original plan.  Frankly, Sebastian is also a little afraid of what might happen to Stefano if Theodore thinks he’s outlived his usefulness.  While Theodore’s earlier attempts to pit him and Stefano against each other were almost certainly mind games designed to drive them closer together, Sebastian still can’t be sure that at some point Theodore won’t actually try to eliminate Stefano.

 

Even knowing that Theodore intentionally created a situation where he would sympathize with Stefano doesn’t change how Sebastian feels about him.  He cares about Stefano now, regardless of how it happened, and Theodore may well live to regret the day he steered them into becoming allies.

 

“Are you ready to check out this cloaking device?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, “though I wouldn’t be surprised if destroying it gets some kind of reaction from Theodore.”

 

“Like what?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I can’t be sure,” Stefano says, “Knowing Theodore, it could be almost anything, but be cautious.”

 

“Got it,” Sebastian replies, making a mental note not to choke or stab or shoot anyone without being very certain that it is not Stefano.

 

They continue down the hall and open the door at the end of it, to find Hoffman and Torres talking in front of a device that looks something like the Stable Field Emitter from City Hall.

 

“You okay?” Hoffman asks Sebastian as he approaches them.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian answers.  “Sorry about that.”  He takes a deep breath.  “If you’re right, then Theodore is much more cunning than I’ve been giving him credit for.”

 

“He is,” Hoffman says.  “Just be careful.”

 

“I will,” Sebastian says.  Then he turns to Torres, “Is this thing ready to blow?”

 

“Sure is,” Torres says with a grin.  “Just say the word.”

 

“Hold on,” Hoffman says, holding up a hand.  “I’m getting out of here.  I’ll meet you guys back in the other room afterward.”

 

“Fair enough,” Torres says as Hoffman leaves the room, closing the door behind her.  “You ready Sebastian?”

 

“Let’s do it,” Sebastian says.

 

Torres crosses to the wall opposite the device, and Sebastian and Stefano follow her lead.  “Okay, in three, two, one,” Torres counts down.  Sebastian turns toward the wall to shield his face as the explosion goes off.

 

It’s not just one explosion though.  There are more and more- dozens of them in fact- and Sebastian’s nose and mouth feel like they are filling up with dust and somehow the sun is beating down on him.  He struggles to open his eyes, but he really is in a cloud of dust now.

 

There is a shape off to his left, a man in a military uniform lying on the ground, his body riddled with shrapnel as he bleeds and gasps and dies on the sand in front of Sebastian.  And as Sebastian looks harder, as the dust settles and his eyes begin to adjust, he realizes that there are men all around him in a similar state, moaning and thrashing and going through their death throes.

 

Sebastian, who went to the police academy straight out of college, has never been in the military, never been to a war zone.  He has only the most basic training on mass casualty events, and what he is seeing is shocking.  More than that, he’s not even sure what he is seeing.  Was he knocked unconscious when Torres blew up the cloaking device?  Or is this some trick of Theodore’s?  And where is Stefano?

 

His question is answered almost immediately, though not in the way he was expecting.  As he cautiously takes a few steps forward through the swirling dust, he hears a familiar voice.  Stefano is also moaning in pain, lying on his back on the ground, camera clutched in one hand as the other reaches for the right side of his face, which is a mess of blood and shrapnel.

 

Sebastian crosses the distance to him in a few steps and drops to his knees beside Stefano, reflexively placing a hand on Stefano’s arm.  “It’s alright,” he says.  “Just take it easy.”

 

Stefano doesn’t seem to be aware of him at all though.  Sebastian’s words and hands have no effect on him, and then Sebastian gets a closer look at the uninjured side of Stefano’s face and realizes that this is a younger Stefano, and that perhaps he is seeing a static memory.  He is even more convinced of this when the medics arrive, jostling him and pushing him off to the side, but never actually acknowledging him as they transfer Stefano, who continues to moan and struggle weakly, onto a stretcher.

 

Because it seems that no one is going to tell him not to, Sebastian follows them to the medical transport and from there to a sort of field hospital.  He notes that Stefano’s grip on his camera never wavers, and it makes him smile a little because it reminds him of the Stefano he knows.

 

The field hospital is a terrible place though.  It’s crowded and loud and full of dying men.  The combat medics have wrapped bandages around Stefano’s head covering both of his eyes, which Sebastian knows makes good first aid sense, but they’ve also left Stefano unattended and restrained, and Stefano is calling out in Italian and trying to turn his head from side to side.  Sebastian doesn’t have to know what he is saying to know that he is afraid, that he is blind and in pain and alone in an unfamiliar place.

 

It makes Sebastian’s chest tighten, and he wants to go and sit with Stefano, wants to comfort him and reassure him and do all of the things that he did for him in Theodore’s dungeon, but he knows that this time Stefano wouldn’t even be aware of him, that he is powerless to help him.  And then he realizes how much worse it must have been for Stefano when he was with Theodore’s men, because he had these memories to draw on, because it wasn’t the first time he had felt so helpless.

 

“Of course I drew on his existing memories.”  Theodore’s rich baritone comes from right next to Sebastian, who keeps his eyes trained on Stefano.  Theodore speaks as though he is answering a question that Sebastian asked in his mind, and Sebastian tries to clear his thoughts in case Theodore is actually doing just that.

 

“There was so much to work with here, it would have been a pity not to use it,” Theodore continues.  “The isolation, the restraints, the pleas for help that fell on deaf ears…”  He gestures to Stefano, who does indeed seem to be calling out for help.

 

“And of course, his eyes,” Theodore says.  Sebastian turns to look at him to see that Theodore’s mouth is curved into a smile as though he is savoring a particularly fond memory.  “So sensitive about his eyes… so frightened when we blinded him.”

 

Theodore turns to look at Sebastian.  “I wish you could have been there to hear him.”  He pauses.  “Oh, of course,” he says.  “You were.”

 

Sebastian suddenly feels like all of the air has been sucked out of his lungs as the scene around him changes to a throne room.  The candles, the statues, the thick red carpet make it clear that he is now in Theodore’s realm, and Theodore himself is standing before him.

 

“Too late,” he says thoughtfully.  “Always too late.”  He leans on his staff.  “Too late for Lily.  Too late for Joseph.  Too late for Stefano.”  He raises his eyebrows.  “What is it that is so important to you that you can’t be there to protect the ones you care about?”

 

Sebastian is staggering backward, trying to draw air into his lungs, but it’s a slow and painful process, and it feels like many seconds have passed before he is able to speak.

 

“No,” Sebastian gasps, dropping to his knees.  “You’re wrong.  I can still save them.  I will still save them.”

 

“You can’t save anyone,” Theodore says.  “You couldn’t even save yourself.  Should we look at where you were before Mobius found you?  Drinking yourself into oblivion?  You were no good to anyone, and you’ll never be any good to anyone, unless you change.  Learn to control your emotions.  Join me.  It’s the only way you’ll be able to see Lily again.”

 

“You don’t have Lily,” Sebastian says.  “I know you don’t.”

 

“I don’t need Lily to control Union,” Theodore announces.  “Look at what I’ve done here already.”

 

“What?  Illusions and mind games?” Sebastian shoots back.  “This is a joke!  A magic show!  Without Lily you have nothing!”

 

“And neither do you,” Theodore says coldly, “and you’re even further from finding her than I am.  At least Myra went looking for Lily.  What did you do?”

 

“You leave Myra out of this!” snarls Sebastian, drawing his pistol with a shaky hand.

 

“But you know that Myra has to be part of this,” Theodore replies.  “As much as you may wish that she wasn’t, she is the main obstacle, the thing that is keeping you from Lily.”

 

“I’m not having this discussion with you,” growls Sebastian, because every time Theodore so much as mentions Myra’s name, Sebastian feels a flash of heat and anger and pain, because Theodore is right.  Myra is part of this, and there is no getting around that.

 

“Perhaps Lily is better off with Myra,” Theodore says.  “Perhaps she is better off with Mobius even.  What could you possibly-”

 

Sebastian points the gun at Theodore and pulls the trigger.

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What is going on with you? If you don’t mind my asking, I mean.”
> 
> Stefano’s initial reaction is that he does mind and that Hoffman needs to stay out of his brain. The fear of having someone poking around in there is palpable, especially after what just happened with Theodore, so he is not eager to open himself up to any further examination. That said, they are rapidly running out of people who can help them rescue Lily and take down Theodore, and Stefano has come to grudgingly appreciate Hoffman’s intellect. Her comments on Theodore earlier were quite insightful, and she is ruled by logic, not her emotions. In fact, Hoffman might be the person whose perspective on all of this is closest to Stefano’s, so it seems a pity not to talk to her.

 

 

When the explosion goes off, Stefano can feel the atmosphere in the room around them change immediately.  He doesn’t feel like he has actually changed locations or been transported, and the creature inside him doesn’t seem to be agitated, so he can’t have moved far from Sebastian, but the temperature of the air around him has increased significantly, and he has to struggle to breathe through air that is thick with smoke.

 

He turns away from the wall and opens his eyes.  Sebastian is there, looking like he has just come through the door into the living room of the burning house.  It’s not hard for Stefano to imagine what this setting means to Sebastian, so he tries to put on a face that is calm and reassuring, tries to “be more sympathetic” as Sebastian recently suggested, because he does understand that it probably hurts Sebastian to see a re-creation of the fire that separated him from his family.

 

Sebastian looks straight through him though.  He draws in his breath to speak, but immediately begins to cough violently.  When he recovers, he chokes out, “Lily!  Lily, where are you?”  It is then that Stefano notes that Sebastian appears to be younger than the Sebastian he knows.  He is also clean-shaven and is wearing different clothes than the last time Stefano saw him.  This is a strange development, but certainly not the most unusual thing Stefano has seen in Union.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says calmly, reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder.  Sebastian doesn’t seem to be able to see or hear him though, because he keeps moving forward into the house.

 

“Sebastian!” Stefano shouts this time, because Sebastian can be really stubborn, but running into a burning house in a memory to save someone who isn’t even here is pretty stupid even for Sebastian.  Actually, it’s exactly the kind of thing Sebastian would do, Stefano decides, and clearly Stefano is the only one who can stop him.

 

He lunges after Sebastian, attempting to grab him around the waist as Sebastian ducks under a collapsed ceiling beam.  He makes contact, but Sebastian seems completely unaffected.  Stefano finds that he simply cannot hold onto Sebastian or impede his progress in any meaningful way, and Sebastian emerges from under the beam into the other side of the living room and moves quickly into the kitchen, staying low to the ground.

 

Stefano follows, finding it a little hard to breathe as the smoke gets thicker.  There is intense heat all around him, and he blinks through the smoke, trying to keep Sebastian in sight.

 

Sebastian moves through the kitchen, where Lily’s drawings are hanging on the refrigerator, and kicks open a door that leads back to the front hallway.  He seems to be bound and determined to go upstairs, which Stefano thinks is a terrible idea.  Most of the interior walls already have flames crawling up them, the ceiling of the first floor is charred and burning, and there is absolutely no reason to believe that the second floor will be stable enough to walk on.

 

However, this seems to be a memory that Stefano cannot influence, one that is simply playing out before his eyes either as it happened so many years ago or as someone wants him to see it now.  Even so, it is difficult to watch.  Sebastian’s earlier attempt to leap into a wall of fire doesn’t seem like such a bad idea compared to the inferno at the top of the stairs that Sebastian is running toward.

 

Stefano is close behind him, but slows for a moment to look at more of Lily’s artwork hanging on the wall by the stairs.  It’s not even the artwork itself that interests him, but the fact that, if this is an accurate re-creation of Sebastian’s family home, Sebastian and Myra were displaying Lily’s drawings prominently in multiple places.

 

“It wasn’t like that for you, was it?” Theodore’s voice drifts lazily to his ear as Theodore himself materializes in the hallway beside him.  “You did your work alone in the dark, always having to hide who you were.”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  He is not going to fall for this again.  “I knew who I was.  I know who I am.”

 

“But he never did,” Theodore says, his voice slow and measured.  “No one else ever did.  Not until you came to Union.”

 

Stefano bites back his response.  There is no reason to give Theodore anything else to work with.  Upstairs, Sebastian is still yelling for Lily.

 

“Do you remember what it felt like to finally be yourself?  To stop hiding?  To create?”  Theodore pauses, though it’s unclear whether it is for Stefano’s answer or for dramatic effect.

 

“Empty,” Stefano says, the word slipping from his mouth before he even has time to think about what he is saying.  But as soon as he’s said it, he knows it’s true.  He thought that Union would be a fresh start, a chance to be the person who was cut short, who stopped existing that night when he was eight years old. 

 

And Union was different, and he did stop hiding and he did create, and most importantly, he was free of the critics and their harsh, ignorant words.  But he was also free of everyone else, and aside from Obscura, it’s been a rather lonely existence.  He had come to Union with the idea of making art in its purest form, art for the sake of art, but over time, it seems that he no longer finds satisfaction in art without an audience.

 

“What?” Theodore says, and Stefano feels a little thrill of satisfaction that he has at least thrown him off balance for a moment.  Theodore recovers immediately though, and spins Stefano’s answer into something that fits his theme.  “Of course you felt empty, because you don’t belong in Union any more than you belonged in Florence.  You were displaying your work to an empty world before I came along.”

 

Sebastian’s voice reaches them again, calling for Lily between fits of coughing.

 

“Listen to that,” Theodore casts his eyes up at the second floor.  “Would anyone have done that for you?  I doubt it.”

 

Stefano doesn’t know how to answer that, because of course no one would have done this for him.  No one in his life has been anything like Sebastian, and he doesn’t even know if this is what most people would do if their child was in danger.  Up above them, Sebastian’s words are getting lost in more coughing, his voice growing weaker and more desperate.

 

“You’d better go to him,” Theodore says somberly.  “He is all you have in this world.  If he’ll still have you, that is.”

 

Stefano isn’t particularly inclined to take instructions from Theodore, but he also doesn’t want to stand around talking to Theodore in Sebastian’s burning foyer, so he jogs lightly up the stairs, following the sound of Sebastian’s strangled cries and coughing until he reaches what must be Lily’s room.

 

Sebastian is kneeling on the floor, sobbing for Lily now, and the room around him is engulfed in flames.  Stefano feels like his skin is actually burning as he crosses the room, drops down to the floor beside Sebastian, and waits to see what the memory will bring next.  He isn’t terribly concerned that either of them can actually be injured by the fire in this context, even though it is certainly unpleasant to be in the burning house.

 

As he watches, Sebastian fixes his eyes on the empty space ahead of him and slowly draws his pistol from the holster on his belt.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says with a note of warning in his voice.  “What are you doing?”  But Sebastian doesn’t seem to hear him.  He points the gun straight in front of him and fires.

 

The illusion shatters immediately and Stefano finds himself on the ground beside Sebastian in the room with the remains of the cloaking device.  Torres is in front of them, mouth open in shock, hand pressed over her abdomen as a dark stain spreads across the front of her shirt.

 

“You… you shot me,” she says in disbelief, looking at Sebastian, who is blinking dazedly at her.  Stefano grabs Sebastian’s hand, redirecting the gun at the floor in case Sebastian is still caught up in Theodore’s illusions.  Sebastian doesn’t resist, and Stefano takes the gun from his hand and replaces it in his holster before turning back to Torres.

 

Torres is remarkably composed for someone who has just been shot, and also seems considerably less angry at Sebastian than one would expect.

 

“What happened?” Torres grunts, dropping to one knee herself.

 

“Theodore,” Stefano says by way of explanation.  “I’m sure Sebastian didn’t know what he was doing.  It’s happened before.”  He starts to go through the supplies on Sebastian’s belt.  “Let me see if he has a medical kit or something.”

 

“There’s no time,” gasps Torres.  “Theodore knows we can see him now.  We’ve got to get back to the safe house.”  She plants her rifle on the ground, using it as a crutch to get back to her feet.  “Just help me with Sebastian, okay?” she says.

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano says.  Sebastian isn’t exactly unconscious, but he is far from cooperative, and Stefano has to crouch down beside him, sling Sebastian’s arm over his shoulders, and lift him bodily to his feet.  Once there, Sebastian’s legs seem to be willing to support some of his weight, but he leans heavily on Stefano and his feet drag with each step.  Sebastian’s body feels unusually warm against Stefano’s, and Stefano wonders if he is running a fever or if this is some lingering effect from Sebastian’s body being tricked into thinking he was just in a burning house.

 

Stefano wraps his other arm firmly around Sebastian’s waist, and they make their way stiffly down the hall to the workshop, Torres walking slowly ahead of them with her rifle raised.  Stefano thinks to point out the green gel that is still on the counter in the workshop, but Torres is already on her way into the next room.  Stefano follows, and just as they turn the corner into the room with all of the lab tables, one of the specimens slithers from the table onto the floor.

 

Stefano and Torres freeze.  Stefano doesn’t even breath as they wait to see whether the Lost creature has just fallen or whether something more sinister is going on.  Torres, slightly ahead of Stefano and Sebastian, edges forward to peer around the table.

 

“Shit,” she says, backing up rapidly as the Lost stands up from the floor, eyes glowing red and already growling under its breath.

 

“Indeed,” Stefano says, noting that now every specimen in the room is standing up or tumbling to the floor or starting to make its way slowly toward them.  Torres is raising her rifle.

 

“Wait,” Stefano says, gently lowering Sebastian to the ground and reaching for his camera.  He backs up to the wall to frame as much of the room as possible, and presses the button.  There is a flash of blue light and everything in the room stops moving.

 

“Okay, go,” Stefano says, gesturing at the enemies, and Torres opens fire, spraying down the whole crowd with her rifle.  Within about ten seconds, the box breaks and they wait for some sign of movement, but everything seems to be on the ground with no sign of getting back up.

 

“Well that’s one way to do it,” Torres says, flashing him a strained smile.

 

Stefano bends to collect Sebastian, who is still only marginally responsive, and stands up with him again.  Torres leads the way out of the room and down the next hall, where it becomes apparent that they have a much bigger problem.  Whatever enemies were in the upper level of the lab earlier seem to have found their way downstairs, because the room ahead is crawling with them.

 

“This is not good,” Torres says under her breath, turning to Stefano.  “Can you freeze them?”

 

“Some of them,” Stefano says, not sounding particularly confident, because this is a bad set-up for him.  The room has a lot of walls and partitions that will block the camera flash, and from the sound of it, they are dealing with a large number of enemies.  He lowers Sebastian to the ground again, behind the gurney that is blocking most of the hallway, in hopes that it will shield him somewhat if he and Torres lose control of the enemies.

 

Stefano walks up next to Torres, who is hesitating just inside the door.  The enemies haven’t noticed them yet.  “I’ll freeze the ones in the central aisle here,” he says.  “Then you take them out.  I’ll cut right and try to clear a path to the door.”

 

Torres nods, and Stefano takes out his camera and his knife.  He hopes sincerely that sharing his plan with Torres will prevent him from becoming collateral damage, because she does seem to be a bit haphazard in how she wields her assault rifle.

 

Stefano takes a deep breath and clicks the camera, trapping the visible enemies in a blue box before he phases to the right side of the room, near the door they will exit through once they’ve cleared a path.  Unfortunately there are at least a dozen enemies around him when he completes the maneuver, some of them mere feet from him.

 

Stefano slashes, stabs, pivots, and repeats, and the Lost all around him are dropping to the ground.  He raises his camera again, preparing to freeze the next group, but suddenly a terrible, inhuman shriek rips through the air, and he is staggering, clutching at his ears, and the camera is falling to the ground, the lens shattering at his feet.

 

The sound seems to agitate the Lost, because they swarm and howl and groan with even more vigor.  The screeching dies away, and Stefano is able to remove his hands from his ears and look up to see a tall, misshapen creature staggering out from behind a partition, making a horrible wailing noise and emitting some sort of noxious green gas.  Torres dashes down the center aisle and lays into it with her assault rifle, but not before it shrieks again, further riling up the Lost around them.

 

Stefano still has his knife in hand, and he dodges, twists, stabs, and evades them, but they are far outnumbered now, and without his camera, this is a much more challenging fight.  He phases quickly back and forth across the room, picking off enemies one by one, but if Torres’ shouts and the erratic gunfire is any indication, she isn’t having an easy time either.

 

As Stefano drags his knife quickly through the chest cavity of another enemy, Torres emits a truly awful scream, and Stefano quickly phases to her side to stab the Lost that is using its filthy, clawed hands to dig into her neck.  The Lost drops to the floor, and Stefano turns to scope out the rest of the room.  Nothing else is moving, and he turns back to Torres, who has slumped to the ground, leaning up against one of the partitions.

 

Torres’ eyes are unfocused, and Stefano notes with some alarm that the wound on her neck is deep.  Dark, rich, arterial blood is pulsing rhythmically from it, and Torres’ breathing is starting to become labored.

 

“Hold on,” Stefano says, starting back toward the other room.  “I’m going to get something to heal you.”

 

“No,” Torres gasps, reaching out her hand to Stefano.  “Don’t go.”

 

“You are going to bleed out if I don’t,” Stefano says simply.  It’s true, and he doesn’t see any reason not to tell Torres.  Left to his own devices, he would like to watch this play out, but he is fairly certain that Sebastian would not approve.

 

“Just… listen to me,” Torres says haltingly, and Stefano crouches down beside her, taking her hand in his, because it seems like the sort of thing Sebastian would do in this situation.  “This is more important.”

 

Stefano seriously doubts that, but he is willing to hear Torres out in whatever oxygen deprived hallucination she is currently experiencing even though Sebastian would certainly be stabbing her with a syringe right about now.  As far as Stefano is concerned, she has done them a great service, but she is still a Mobius agent and despite her inexplicable desire to help Sebastian and Lily, she is expendable.

 

“I did… some things I’m not proud of… with Mobius,” Torres says, her voice just above a whisper.

 

“I think everyone in Mobius has made some questionable choices,” Stefano offers.  He knows it’s not exactly comforting, but it’s true.

 

“No,” Torres shakes her head.  “Not just that.  I… I’m the one who set the fire.”  She swallows hard.  “I’m the one who took Lily.”

 

“Oh,” Stefano breathes, because this is not what he was expecting to hear.

 

“I don’t think… Sebastian will forgive me… and maybe… maybe he shouldn’t,” Torres continues, “… but I need him to know… that I’m sorry.”

 

“I will tell him,” Stefano says quietly, giving Torres’ hand a squeeze.  “Sebastian is a better man than you know.”

 

Torres gives him a questioning look.

 

“I… I also kidnapped Lily,” Stefano admits.  “Here, inside STEM.”

 

“And has he forgiven you?” Torres’ voice is getting weaker by the second, and she looks like she is fighting to keep her eyes open.

 

“I haven’t really asked for forgiveness,” Stefano replies.  He hadn’t even considered asking for forgiveness until now.  Forgiveness is not the sort of thing that is of great concern to him.  However, he finds that what Sebastian thinks of him does matter, and he wonders if perhaps he should be acknowledging what he did to Lily and to Sebastian, as Torres has done.  It’s a hard concept to get his mind around though, and he turns his attention back to Torres.

 

“He knows that you want to help find Lily now,” Stefano says to her.  “I think that is what is important to him.  He doesn’t have the luxury of being selective about his allies here.”

 

Torres nods once with some effort.  “Just… get Lily back,” she forces out through gritted teeth.  “And find Theodore… make him pay.”

 

Stefano smiles at that, because he most definitely is going to make Theodore pay.  “We certainly will,” he says.

 

Torres’ eyes close then, and a slight smile crosses her face.  Her entire shirt is soaked in blood now, and even though it is still leaking from her throat wound, the flow has slowed down considerably.  She lets out one more long, shuddering breath and goes still, her hand going limp in Stefano’s.  He waits for just a moment, but she is definitely dead, and he releases her hand before standing up.

 

He goes first to his camera, where it lies on the floor.  The lens is shattered, rendering it useless for the time being, but he picks it up and tucks it away in his jacket in case it can be repaired at some point.  He also tucks his knife away, and slings the assault rifle over his shoulder.  It seems like the sort of thing Sebastian would like, and Torres certainly won’t be needing it anymore.

 

Sebastian is still propped up against the wall exactly as Stefano left him, and Stefano is starting to worry that Theodore might have damaged Sebastian’s mind in some long-lasting way.  While he’s not sure how helpful Hoffman will be, she is a psychologist, and Stefano hopes that she will at least be able to offer a different perspective on Sebastian’s current condition.  Stefano wrestles Sebastian to his feet and begins to painstakingly walk him back to Hoffman’s safe house.

 

They meet no other enemies along the way, and when they stagger through the door of the safe house, Hoffman is sitting at her computer.  She glances up as they come in.

 

“Torres is-” Stefano begins, but Hoffman cuts him off.

 

“Yes, I saw,” Hoffman says.  “Or rather, I stopped seeing her a few minutes ago.  It was pretty obvious what happened.”

 

“And yet, you are still sitting here,” Stefano raises an eyebrow.

 

“What exactly was I supposed to do?” Hoffman asks, her voice icy.  “All three of you were better armed and better trained than I am.”  She pauses.  “And who are you to pass judgment?”

 

“I’m the one who fought beside her,” Stefano points out, maneuvering Sebastian over to the sofa and lowering him onto it.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” Hoffman asks, as if she’s noticing Sebastian for the first time.

 

“I’m not sure,” Stefano says, supporting Sebastian’s torso as he lays him down on the sofa, then lifting Sebastian’s legs up so that Sebastian is lying full-length on his side.  “Theodore pulled us into one of his illusions when the device was destroyed.  I cannot be sure what Sebastian saw, but he hasn’t fully regained his faculties.”

 

Hoffman keeps her seat as Stefano turns his attention to Sebastian’s face, brushing the hair out of his eyes, but Sebastian is still completely unresponsive.

 

“Can’t you do something?” Stefano turns to Hoffman, his voice rising in frustration, because she really is just sitting there watching.

 

“I don’t think there’s anything to be done right now,” Hoffman replies.  “If he’s had a psychological trauma, he just needs some time to recover.”

 

“Surely there must be something…” Stefano growls, turning back to Sebastian.

 

“Just let him rest.  If you’re determined to do something, keep him warm and comfortable.  Reassure him when he starts to regain consciousness.”  Hoffman’s voice is cold, dispassionate, but Stefano takes her advice anyway.  He picks up the blankets that are still on the sofa and the floor from their last visit to this safe house and begins to tuck them around Sebastian, wrapping him up securely.

 

“Oh my god,” Hoffman says, her voice betraying genuine surprise for the first time since Stefano came into the safe house.  “You’re actually doing it.”

 

“What?” Stefano asks reflexively, not fully understanding her response, but when he glances back at her, Hoffman is staring at him open-mouthed.

 

“What are you doing?” Hoffman asks, her eyes wide.

 

“Trying to make him comfortable,” snaps Stefano, “like you just told me to.”

 

“Right, but I sort of forgot who I was talking to,” Hoffman says, then pauses.  “What is going on with you?  If you don’t mind my asking, I mean.”

 

Stefano’s initial reaction is that he does mind and that Hoffman needs to stay out of his brain.  The fear of having someone poking around in there is palpable, especially after what just happened with Theodore, so he is not eager to open himself up to any further examination.  That said, they are rapidly running out of people who can help them rescue Lily and take down Theodore, and Stefano has come to grudgingly appreciate Hoffman’s intellect.  Her comments on Theodore earlier were quite insightful, and she is ruled by logic, not her emotions.  In fact, Hoffman might be the person whose perspective on all of this is closest to Stefano’s, so it seems a pity not to talk to her.

 

“That’s a difficult question to answer,” Stefano says.  He finishes tucking the blankets around Sebastian and sits down on the sofa, lifting Sebastian slightly so that he can slide under him and letting Sebastian’s head come to rest in his lap.  Sebastian groans softly in his sleep, and Stefano runs a hand soothingly over his chest on top of the blanket.

 

“Can you be more specific?” Stefano asks, glancing up at Hoffman, even as his hand continues to make lazy circles on Sebastian’s chest.

 

“Well… you kidnapped Lily?” Hoffman begins.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies with a nod.  He isn’t sure why everyone seems to need to confirm this.  Maybe they want to hear him say that it was all a big misunderstanding and he ended up with Lily by accident, but he doesn’t see the point in downplaying it now.

 

“Because of Theodore?”

 

Stefano sighs, unconsciously ruffling Sebastian’s hair with his other hand as he answers.  “Initially, yes.  Theodore directed me to retrieve Lily.  He couldn’t do it himself because Lily’s mother was monitoring him too closely, and I was able to find Lily and keep her with me.”

 

“But you wanted to keep her for yourself?” Hoffman asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “My art… you are familiar with my art?”

 

“Yes,” Hoffman says.  “We’ve actually met before Union.  I don’t know if you remember.”

 

“I remember very little from before Union,” Stefano says.  “But my art, which was already quite good of course, became exceptional once Lily’s powers were involved.  She infused everything I did with such a pure, honest, innocent perspective.  No one looks at the world the same way a child does.  Did you know that?”  He pauses and Hoffman nods.

 

“Yes,” she says.  “That’s actually the reason Lily was chosen as the Core.  Not just that she is a child, but that she is a very unique child.”

 

Stefano isn’t exactly sure where he is going, but he is speaking again, letting his mind wander a bit.  “Union itself is a work of art that Lily created.  Others may have influenced it, but she was the one holding the brush.  But she didn’t know…”  Stefano lets his voice trail off, because this raises an interesting point.

 

“Do you suppose that there can be art without agency?” he asks himself as much as Hoffman.  Hoffman doesn’t reply, and Stefano mulls the question over himself.  Art requires the will of an artist, the desire to organize raw materials to conform to some vision or idea.  But Lily didn’t pick up a brush or a crayon to create Union.  Lily was forced into STEM, forced to create this world even though Stefano is sure that she doesn’t know how much power she actually holds.

 

“Are you still loyal to Theodore?” Hoffman asks him after a few moments.  She is staring intently at him, and Stefano is sure that she is performing some kind of human lie detector test.

 

He stares back at her evenly.  “No,” he says. “Not any longer.  His influence over me has relaxed somewhat.”

 

“Because of the torture?”  Hoffman asks.  “Or because you are now influenced by someone else?”  Hoffman’s eyes flick down to Sebastian’s face.

 

Stefano feels the corners of his mouth twitch upward as he too glances down at Sebastian.  “Sebastian is a… rather unique individual,” Stefano says.  “Surely you’ve noticed.”

 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Hoffman replies, putting on her businesslike voice again.  “He displays many of the qualities you’d expect from someone who lost his family traumatically- very loyal, protective, extremely compassionate, like Lily, but also very emotional, prone to overreaction, rash decision-making, impulsive behavior.”

 

Stefano nods as she lists Sebastian’s qualities, because her analysis seems to be very accurate.  However, Stefano disagrees with her conclusion that Sebastian is nothing special.  He runs his fingers through Sebastian’s hair again, relishing the little sigh that escapes Sebastian as he does it.

 

“But it seems like he’s more than that to you,” Hoffman says.  “Is that why you’re working with him?

 

“I am not working with him, so much as against Theodore,” Stefano says easily.

 

“Now that’s a lie,” Hoffman says calmly, “but it’s the first one you’ve told me, so I’ll give you another chance.  Why are you working with Sebastian?  Do you feel that you owe him something?”

 

“Perhaps,” Stefano says thoughtfully, because he really isn’t sure himself.  “He did rescue me from a truly horrible situation,” he shudders at the memory, “even though he had every reason to leave me there.  Even if Theodore did orchestrate all of this, Sebastian has been… very kind, and I suppose I enjoy his company in a way that I have not experienced before, or not for many years at least.”

 

Sebastian moans softly, turning onto his back, and Stefano rubs circles on his chest until he settles down again.  “I don’t have some sort of overarching goal or sense of duty, if that is what you are asking,” he says, glancing up at Hoffman, “but I don’t intend to leave Sebastian.”

 

Hoffman nods, seeming to accept his answer, and Sebastian stirs more decisively, trying to sit up, though he is so thoroughly cocooned in blankets that he is not very successful.  Stefano gently pushes him back to the sofa with a hand on his chest.

 

“You’re alright now,” Stefano murmurs.  “Just relax.”

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian slurs, seemingly responding to Stefano’s voice.  His movements become more frantic, and he manages to flip over and free his arms so that he can throw them around Stefano’s waist, pushing Stefano down onto the couch underneath him.

 

Stefano can hear Hoffman’s suppressed laughter as half-asleep Sebastian drags himself up Stefano’s body until he is basically lying on top of him.  Sebastian wraps his arms around Stefano and buries his face in Stefano’s chest.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian murmurs into his shirtfront.  “So sorry… couldn’t stop them… hurting you… so sorry.”  He is touching Stefano all over now, large hands running down his back and his chest and his shoulders and that plus Sebastian’s warm weight pressing him down into the sofa brings such a sense of comfort and security that Stefano can’t help but smile at him.  Hoffman has turned away and seems to be trying very hard to stare at her computer screen and nothing else.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, rubbing Sebastian’s back as Sebastian crawls further up his body until he can nuzzle into Stefano’s neck.  Sebastian’s whiskers brush gently against his skin, and Stefano laughs, tries to squirm away because he is a little ticklish.

 

Sebastian seems to have forgotten about apologizing and is now intentionally rubbing his face against Stefano’s neck, causing Stefano to squirm and laugh and struggle more, but Sebastian has him thoroughly pinned.  Sebastian’s hands have shifted to slide lightly up Stefano’s sides almost under his arms with light, teasing touches that make Stefano yelp and thrash under Sebastian.

 

Stefano is gasping for air by the time Sebastian gives him a break, and the first thing he can think to say is, “Hoffman.  Hoffman’s here, Sebastian.”

 

That seems to do the trick, because Sebastian suddenly goes very still and raises himself up on his elbows, turning to look at Hoffman, who is blushing furiously and studiously avoiding Sebastian’s gaze.

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says awkwardly.  “Hi, Hoffman.”

 

Hoffman waves at him, but still won’t take her eyes off the computer screen.  Sebastian turns back to Stefano and shrugs his shoulders before he shifts off of Stefano, allowing Stefano to right himself on the sofa.

 

“What happened?” Sebastian asks.  “I remember the vision I saw after we blew up the cloaking device, but where’s Torres?”

 

“Dead,” Stefano replies calmly.  “You don’t remember?  You shot her.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says.  “I shot… I shot Theodore.  Oh, Fuck.”  He turns back to Stefano, pressing his face into Stefano’s thigh.  Stefano strokes his hair as Sebastian groans and shakes his head.

 

“How… how did he do that to me again?” Sebastian groans.  “It’s my fault.  It’s all my fault.”

 

“That’s probably exactly what Theodore wants you to think,” Hoffman pipes up.

 

“Because it’s true,” Sebastian says.  “I killed her.”

 

“No,” Stefano and Hoffman say at once.  They glance at each other, and then Stefano continues, “She sustained injuries when we were fighting our way out of the Research Wing.  It wasn’t just the gunshot that killed her.”

 

“God damn it,” Sebastian moans.  Stefano lets his hand slide down to Sebastian’s upper back, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades.

 

“You can’t go forward thinking like this,” Stefano murmurs to him.  “We talked about this.  Theodore will use your emotions against you- use your guilt against you, the same way he used your compassion against you.”

 

“It’s true,” Hoffman says.  “Theodore is so dangerous precisely because he knows so much about you.  He knows how to manipulate you.”  She pauses.  “I’m sorry for my role in that.”

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says.  “He would have found a way even if you hadn’t told him about me.  I’m not very good at hiding my emotions.”

 

“Torres wanted to redeem herself,” Stefano says.  “She told me that she was the one who took Lily from your house in the first place, and that is why she fought so hard to help you get her back.”

 

“What?” Sebastian goes rigid, and he looks up at Stefano with a hard stare.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says mildly.  “She wanted your forgiveness.”

 

Sebastian sighs deeply, dropping his head back down to Stefano’s thigh for several long, slow breaths.  When he raises it again, he is staring straight ahead of him.

 

“She has it,” Sebastian says.  “She’s done a lot for us, and there’s really no point in being angry at her now.  Mobius is like Theodore; they have power and they wield it to cause people to do terrible things.  I don’t blame her for what happened.”

 

Stefano rubs Sebastian’s back again, thinking this over, because if Sebastian is no longer angry at Torres, it is also possible that he might eventually stop being angry at Stefano.

 

“So, now that Theodore is out in the open,” Hoffman says, “what’s your next move?”

 

“Find Myra and Lily,” says Sebastian.  “But first, I think I need a cup of coffee.”

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian doesn’t want to give Stefano an opportunity to build his walls up again, so he places a hand carefully on Stefano’s knee, waiting to see his reaction.
> 
> Stefano shivers and catches Sebastian’s hand in both of his. “Sebastian,” he says quietly, looking into Sebastian’s eyes, “You know I can’t give you what you need.”
> 
> Sebastian smiles, because Stefano is putting a lot of weight on what Sebastian sees as a relatively simple gesture. “And what exactly do you think I need?”

 

 

“How are you feeling?” Stefano asks Sebastian once Hoffman has excused herself to the back room of the safe house under the pretense of looking for a file.  While Sebastian is sure that she may have been alarmed by some of his erratic behavior, he is unapologetic.  It just felt too damn good to be so close to Stefano, to be on top of Stefano like that while he was so obviously enjoying himself, and all of the thrashing around was exciting in a very different way.

 

“Not great,” Sebastian replies.  “Got a killer headache.”

 

“Let me get you some coffee,” Stefano says, turning to the coffeemaker where a fresh pot of coffee is waiting for them.  Sebastian drags himself into a sitting position on the couch, still wrapped in blankets from the waist down, and Stefano hands him the mug.  He takes a long drink before he remembers that Stefano may also be in need of it after the fight in the Research Wing.

 

“Are you hurt?” Sebastian asks, extending the mug to him.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “I came through unscathed, though I can’t say the same for my camera.”  He pulls it out of his jacket.  Sebastian is no camera expert, but he can tell that the lens is missing.

 

“Shit,” groans Sebastian.  “That’s not good.  I was starting to rely on that thing.”  And starting to rely on Stefano, he thinks.  “Any chance it can be fixed?”

 

“It could be,” Stefano answers, “but not likely in the time that we have.  We do still have Obscura though.  She will meet us in the residential district.”  Stefano sets the camera down on the table next to the coffee maker and takes a seat beside Sebastian.

 

“I never thought I’d say this, but I’ll be glad to see her,” Sebastian says.  “I don’t know what to expect from Myra, but she’s not going to give Lily up easily.”

 

Sebastian lapses into silence.  Truth be told, he doesn’t want to think about what to expect from Myra.  Part of him keeps hoping that everyone is wrong about Myra’s involvement, that Myra may simply be lost in STEM somewhere, that they’ll get to this place in the residential district and find Lily hiding there, just waiting for them to rescue her.  He knows it’s a long shot, but he just can’t think about having to use force against Myra to take Lily back.  His last memories of Myra, the last strong memories he has of her, are from before Lily was taken, when they were still a family.  The hazy, jumbled, anxiety-riddled days that followed Lily’s disappearance don’t count, and when he tries to reconcile his memory of Myra with what she has become inside STEM, his brain simply won’t let him.

 

As he is deep in thought, Stefano places a hand on his knee.  “What was it that was upsetting you so much when you woke up?”

 

The memories from the battlefield and the field hospital come rushing back to him then, and he reaches out to take Stefano’s hand in his, pulling Stefano closer, because if he is going to talk about this, he needs to be touching Stefano.  Stefano offers no resistance, sliding across the couch toward him until they are pressed together from knee to hip.

 

“I think it may have been one of your memories,” Sebastian begins, releasing Stefano’s hand to hold the coffee mug in both of his, “or maybe it was something Theodore manufactured.”  He pauses, because he doesn’t really want to talk about it, doesn’t really want to remember it, and it’s not even his memory.

 

“I was in a war zone,” he says.  “It looked like the aftermath of a bombing or a grenade strike.  Everyone had shrapnel wounds, and you were there, lying on the ground, injured.”

 

Stefano nods.  “I lost my eye while I was a war photographer, so it may have been an actual memory, if Theodore is privy to them.”

 

“You still had your camera in your hand,” Sebastian says, smiling slightly.

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano replies.  “The photograph I took just as the grenade went off was a pivotal piece of work for me.  It changed everything about my art.”

 

Sebastian takes a sip of coffee, then asks, “What do you like so much about the moment of death?”

 

“The honesty,” Stefano replies quickly.  “People don’t have anything to hide in that last moment.  They display their genuine emotions and reveal their true motivations.  They tell no more lies.”

 

“Fair enough,” Sebastian shrugs.  It makes sense that Stefano would value honesty, particularly after being influenced by Theodore, who spins such convincing and complicated lies.  “I also saw the field hospital.”

 

Stefano’s brow creases, and he breaks eye contact with Sebastian.  “Yes,” he says quietly.  “That was… very unpleasant.  I often wish to forget it, but the memory is quite vivid.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t want to give Stefano an opportunity to build his walls up again, so he places a hand carefully on Stefano’s knee, waiting to see his reaction.

 

Stefano shivers and catches Sebastian’s hand in both of his.  “Sebastian,” he says quietly, looking into Sebastian’s eyes, “You know I can’t give you what you need.”

 

Sebastian smiles, because Stefano is putting a lot of weight on what Sebastian sees as a relatively simple gesture.  “And what exactly do you think I need?”

 

The corners of Stefano’s mouth twitch, but he keeps his serious expression.  “There is not much of me left.”  His gaze drifts down to their joined hands.  “You’ve seen the memories.  I have very little to offer you.”

 

Sebastian squeezes his hand, forgetting about his coffee as he says, “I don’t know about that, but I’m willing to take whatever you’re offering.”

 

Stefano keeps his eye down as he speaks again.  “I don’t think I can give you what you had with Joseph.”

 

“What I had with Joseph,” Sebastian begins, closing his eyes as he tries to think of the best way to explain it, “…I don’t think anyone else can give me that.  But that doesn’t mean that we can’t also have something.” 

 

Sebastian knows he’s not great at explaining these things, but he also knows that what he had with Joseph felt very different from what he had with Myra, and imagines that what he and Stefano could have would be different from both of them.  He opens his eyes and tries to gauge how Stefano is reacting.

 

Stefano meets Sebastian’s eyes briefly and wets his lips nervously.  Sebastian tries not to stare at them too hard, because he was having some thoughts about those lips before he realized that Hoffman was in the safe house with them.  “I mean,” Stefano begins, glancing back down at their hands, “that there are certain things I… don’t think I will be able to do after… what happened.”

 

It hits Sebastian like a ton of bricks that Stefano thinks that Sebastian is expecting something from him sexually that he is not ready to give.  He leans over, quickly setting his coffee mug on the floor beside him, before he turns fully to Stefano, bringing his other hand to clasp Stefano’s.

 

“That’s alright,” he says gently.  “I’m not asking for anything now except your help finding Lily and maybe occasionally patching me up.  So, no worries about anything like that happening in the short term.”

 

Stefano nods, still not making eye contact with him.

 

“And I would never ask for anything from you that you don’t want to give,” Sebastian finishes.

 

Stefano makes no response, so Sebastian guides one of Stefano’s hands toward him, glancing up at Stefano to make sure that he is not objecting before he carefully tugs Stefano’s glove off.  He can hear the change in Stefano’s breathing as he takes Stefano’s bare hand in his, draws it to his face, and presses his lips softly to the back of it.

 

Stefano smiles.  “Such a gentleman,” he says.  Sebastian laughs, because he has been called that before, by both Joseph and Myra.  Myra was being serious, Joseph was being cheerfully sarcastic, and Sebastian would certainly not describe himself that way, but the memories make him feel warm on the inside, much like holding Stefano’s hand.

 

Sebastian’s reflections are cut short, however, because Stefano is discarding his other glove and leaning forward.  Sebastian is frozen in place as Stefano rests his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders and cautiously touches his lips to Sebastian’s.  The kiss is soft and gentle, and Sebastian fights to keep it that way, struggling against his instincts to grab Stefano, press him down on his back on the couch, and kiss the breath out of him, because it feels so fucking good to finally have Stefano’s lips on his.  As hard as it is, Sebastian lets Stefano take the lead, though he does raise his hand to cradle Stefano’s head as he kisses him.

 

When Stefano breaks the kiss and pulls back, his eye is wide, his cheeks are flushed pink, and he is breathing heavily as he gazes at Sebastian.  Sebastian, who is breathing a little hard himself, brushes his thumb over Stefano’s cheek in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture, and then Stefano is leaning in again, and Sebastian is closing his eyes to enjoy the soft, warm pressure of Stefano’s mouth.  This time, Stefano’s tongue trails along his lips, setting off little flutters of arousal in his belly, and Sebastian eagerly parts his lips to invite Stefano in.

 

Stefano’s tongue teases his with light, rhythmic strokes, and Stefano sighs contentedly and tilts his head to one side as his arms wrap tightly around Sebastian’s shoulders and he pulls himself almost into Sebastian’s lap.  Sebastian’s hands are at Stefano’s waist, squeezing, as he leans into the kiss, groaning softly, because the way Stefano’s tongue thrusts itself into his mouth reminds him of other, even more pleasurable, activities he’d like to try with Stefano.  He tentatively presses back with his own tongue, unsure how sensitive Stefano is about his mouth, but Stefano makes no objection to Sebastian’s gentle exploration.

 

Emboldened, Sebastian thrusts his tongue deeper into Stefano’s mouth and allows his hands to slip from Stefano’s hips to his ass, gathering up Stefano to pull him closer so that he can feel Stefano’s whole body pressed against his, feel Stefano’s warm weight in his lap as he kisses him.  But Stefano goes tense, breaks the kiss, and pulls back from Sebastian.  His eye is wide again, but this time, Sebastian doesn’t think it’s with arousal.

 

“I’m sorry,” Stefano says quickly.  “I can’t…”

 

Sebastian takes Stefano’s hands in his, because it seems like Stefano is ready to get very worked up over something that doesn’t bother Sebastian at all.  “Stefano,” he says gently.  “It’s okay.  I really meant what I said.”

 

Stefano squeezes his hands, and his good eye is starting to look a little misty as Sebastian kisses the back of each hand, his palms, and his wrists.  It feels strangely intimate to handle Stefano’s bare hands, perhaps because he always seems to be wearing gloves, and Sebastian relishes the warmth of Stefano’s skin in his own hands and against his lips.  When he is finished, he releases Stefano’s hands and retrieves his cup of coffee from the floor.  He takes a long drink and watches Stefano, who has now lowered his face into his hands.

 

When Stefano does look up at him again, he murmurs, “Thank you.  You’ve been very kind to me.  I don’t understand why, and I may never understand, but I won’t forget it.”

 

“You sound like you’re planning on going somewhere,” Sebastian observes, because even he couldn’t miss the finality in Stefano’s words.

 

“We don’t know what will happen when we try to confront Myra,” Stefano says.  “Even if Theodore planned for us to do this together, we can’t be sure that we won’t be separated.  I wanted you to know that.”

 

Sebastian nods.  “Well, I’m not planning on going anywhere, so I’ll hold off on the deep thoughts for now if that’s alright.”  He takes another sip of his coffee.

 

Stefano flashes him a smile.  “I would expect nothing less,” he says.

 

As Stefano has already made the transition to the topic of Myra and Lily, Sebastian asks, “Is Myra still in the residential district?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, after gazing off into space for a few seconds.  “She still seems to be there.  In a large structure on the east side of the area.”

 

“What about Theodore?” Sebastian asks, realizing that they, or at least Stefano, should now be able to see him.

 

“He is in the business district,” Stefano answers as he pulls his gloves back on, “near the Sanctuary Hotel.”

 

“Hopefully we won’t have to deal with him at all,” Sebastian says.  If Myra really does have Lily, as seems very likely now, and he and Stefano can manage to get her back, maybe they can just make a beeline for the extraction point before Theodore even knows what’s going on.  Of course, that would involve actually knowing where the extraction point is, or that there is one for that matter.

 

“I think there is little chance of that,” Stefano says somberly.  “He will not let Lily leave Union without a fight.”

 

“Hold on a minute,” says Sebastian, reaching for his communicator.  He tunes in Kidman’s frequency and raises it to his mouth.

 

“Kidman, you there?”

 

“For you?  Always.”  Kidman’s voice comes over the communicator and Sebastian laughs bitterly, because Kidman has been there from the start, but not to help him.  Unfortunately, she is now the only person he has on the outside, so there is no option but to trust her if he wants to get out of STEM.  “Where are you?” Kidman asks.

 

“We’re back in Hoffman’s safe house, but it’s been kind of a bumpy ride,” Sebastian says, trying to figure out the best way to summarize recent events.  “O’Neal and Torres are dead, and Myra has Lily.  Stefano and I are going to get her back.”

 

“Still working with Stefano?”  The surprise is evident in Kidman’s voice.

 

“Yeah, he’s saved my ass a few times,” Sebastian replies, glancing at Stefano and giving him a half-smile.  Stefano looks genuinely pleased at the compliment, and Sebastian’s heart warms a little to see him looking happy.  “I need to know what I’m supposed to do with Lily after I get her,” Sebastian continues.  “What is the escape plan?”

 

Kidman sighs audibly.  “That I can’t share with you right now.  There will be an extraction point, but I can’t say for sure where it will be.  You’ll need to call me when you have Lily in hand for further instructions.”

 

“You’re really not inspiring confidence, Kidman,” Sebastian groans.  “That’s all you can tell me?  That I’ll need to get to some secret extraction point.”

 

“Sebastian, there are… other concerns at play here,” Kidman says, a hard edge creeping into her voice.  “I’ve told you what I can tell you now.  Go and get Lily.”

 

“I will,” Sebastian says.  “But then you had better be willing to deliver on this extraction point.  I’m not finding Lily just so you can plug her back into some machine.”

 

“Noted,” Kidman says.  “Is there anything else you need?”

 

“Probably, but not that you can help me with,” says Sebastian.  “I’ll call you when I’ve got Lily.”  He replaces the communicator on his belt and finishes his coffee.  He stands up, swaying on the spot for a moment as the room spins around him.  Apparently Theodore’s mind games have some lingering effects.  Stefano reaches out a hand to steady him, but Sebastian regains his balance and crosses the room to the coffeemaker, setting the mug down beside it.  “Time to get going,” he says to Stefano, who is still sitting on the couch.  “I’ll tell Hoffman what’s going on.”

 

Sebastian makes his way carefully to the back room, wary of another dizzy spell, but everything seems to be back to normal.  As he enters, Hoffman looks up from a file.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says, “how are you holding up?”

 

“I’ll be alright,” Hoffman says, closing the file and leaning against the wall.  “What about you?”

 

“I’ve been better,” Sebastian says, and it comes out with more bitterness than he intended.

 

“Stefano’s right about Torres, you know,” Hoffman says, eyes narrowing shrewdly. 

 

“But I killed her,” Sebastian says miserably.  The tide of guilt and loss, temporarily held back while he was having a pleasant moment on the couch with Stefano, comes crashing back in full force, and when he remembers what happened to Torres it almost knocks the wind out him.  He slumps against the doorframe.

 

“This isn’t all about you,” Hoffman says, her voice cold.  “Torres made the choice to lay down her life so that you could save Lily.  If you owe her anything, it’s to make sure she died for something.”  Her voice softens a little.  “Leave your guilt behind.  Go forward and rescue your daughter.”

 

“I don’t know how,” Sebastian sighs, raking a hand through his hair.  “I can’t stop having feelings.”

 

“No, you can’t,” Hoffman agrees.  “But you can stop letting those feelings control you.  You can feel and also think.”

 

Sebastian nods, casting his eyes down to the floor.  Hoffman is right, and Sebastian is realizing just how emotionally driven he is.  He learned to make split-second decisions on the police force, learned to analyze a situation, weigh the options, and act in time to save himself or a fellow officer or a civilian, so reacting quickly comes naturally to him.

 

Since Lily disappeared though, he has to question whether that ability is intact.  He still makes split-second decisions, but he’s beginning to get the impression that they are now purely emotional responses, that he may be ignoring or overlooking critical factors.  And if that’s the case, if his cop sense has been reduced to acting in wild surges of emotion, he is going to have to be very careful going forward against Theodore.  He raises his head when Hoffman speaks again.

 

“Speaking of feelings,” she lowers her voice, “what did you do to…”  She points through the wall at Stefano.

 

“We’ve been through kind of a lot,” Sebastian answers, because he knows what Hoffman is getting at, but doesn’t know how to explain it.  “There’s more to him than you’d think.”

 

“I can see that,” Hoffman says with a raised eyebrow.  “I wouldn’t say that he has feelings like most of us do, but he seems to have some pretty strong ones about you.”

 

“What’s your read on him now?” Sebastian says, lowering his voice as well.  He’s already made up his mind about taking Stefano with him, and what Hoffman says is not going to change that, but he is still interested to hear what she has to say.

 

“Ultimately, your guess is as good as mine,” Hoffman shrugs.  “He’s different than he was before.  That much is clear, but I don’t know how far that will carry.  If I had to guess, I’d say he’ll look out for himself first, but you’re a close second.  The art stuff is still important to him, but it looks like it takes a back seat when he’s in a survival situation.”

 

Sebastian nods, because all of Hoffman’s points are well-reasoned, but she hasn’t addressed the biggest question on his mind.  “And when we get Lily back?”

 

Hoffman shakes her head.  “I don’t know.  When I was talking to him, he said he wasn’t loyal to Theodore and I couldn’t detect any signs that he was lying.  But the chance to have Lily’s power may be more than he can resist.  He does want to belong very badly, and- this is just a theory- but I’m a little concerned that he may seize Lily’s power to create his own world, one that he can control.”

 

“Well, let’s hope he really has changed then,” Sebastian says.  “We’re heading to the residential district.  Are you staying here?”

 

“Yes,” Hoffman answers.  “I’ll monitor Theodore and call you on the communicator if there’s any sign of movement.”

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian says.  Then he remembers another important question.  “You don’t happen to know if that gas leak in the Marrow is still going, do you?” he asks.

 

“I think it’s been resolved,” Hoffman says.  “O’Neal mentioned that when he called me and asked me to meet him in the Research Wing.  Stay alert, but I don’t think you’ll need gas masks.”

 

“Got it,” Sebastian says, turning to go back into the main room of the safe house.  Hoffman follows him.  Stefano is sitting on the couch, apparently lost in thought.  Sebastian crouches down beside him.

 

“Are you ready?” he asks, and Stefano jumps a little, seeming to jolt back to reality.

 

“Yes,” he says, quickly regaining his composure.  He points to an assault rifle next to the couch.  “Torres’,” he says by way of explanation.  “I think you should take it.”

 

Sebastian nods and picks up the rifle, even though his chest tightens when he thinks about Torres who sacrificed everything so that he could have a chance to see his daughter again.  He stands up, slinging the rifle onto his back and strides to the door, Stefano close behind him.

 

“Be careful,” Hoffman says from behind her computer screen.

 

“You too,” Sebastian replies, opening the door and leaving the safe house to face whatever is waiting for them in the Marrow.

 

The hallway outside the safe house is suspiciously quiet, though it has the same crosses, candles, and red lighting that Sebastian has come to associate with Theodore.  Seeing such obvious evidence of Theodore’s influence puts Sebastian on edge, and he can only imagine that it is worse for Stefano. 

 

“So, what has Hoffman diagnosed me with now?” Stefano asks.  The question takes Sebastian by surprise, because he had almost forgotten that part of the conversation with Hoffman.

 

“What?” he asks reflexively.  “Oh, right- I think she doesn’t know what to think of you right now.  What did you say to her?”

 

“Nothing that isn’t true,” Stefano replies.  “She is quite perceptive though.  She can get inside your head almost as well as Theodore, though she is more of an observer than a manipulator.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says.  “I feel like she’s analyzing me every time we talk.”

 

“I’m sure she is,” Stefano says mildly.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Sebastian says, because talking about Hoffman has brought him back to a question he needs to ask.  He stops walking and faces Stefano.

 

“Of course,” Stefano replies, turning to face Sebastian.

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath and looks into Stefano’s eye.  He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, Stefano says, “Are you going to be the human lie detector this time?  Because I don’t think you can manage it the way Hoffman does.”

 

Sebastian smiles at that, but what he wants to ask is serious.  Actually, his former career did teach him to assess whether someone is lying to him, but he doubts that he will ever be as skilled at it as Hoffman. 

 

“What’s going to happen when we get Lily back?” Sebastian asks.

 

“You mean with Myra and Theodore?” Stefano asks, confusion on his face.

 

“No,” Sebastian says quickly.  He is fairly certain that his next question is going to come off as rude, but he attempts to phrase it in the least offense way possible.  “I mean… look, I’m sorry I have to ask this, but can you promise me that you’re not going to try to take Lily for yourself?”

 

Stefano’s face falls a little, but he holds eye contact with Sebastian and raises his hands to clasp Sebastian’s shoulders.  “Yes,” he says, voice quiet but strong.  “I can promise you that.  I may not know what Myra or Theodore is going to do, but I intend to leave Union with you and Lily.”  He pauses, glancing down at the floor.  “I also wish that you did not have to ask me this, but I can’t say that I blame you.”

 

They stand like that for a moment, Sebastian looking at Stefano, and Stefano looking at the floor, until Stefano lifts his head to make eye contact again.  The look in his eye is something Sebastian has seen before, the uncertainty tinged with hope, which Sebastian assumes in this case is the hope that Sebastian will understand him, will accept his word.  And despite Hoffman’s warning, Sebastian does believe Stefano, and he does the only thing he can think of to put Stefano’s mind at ease.

 

Sebastian wraps his arms around Stefano, pulling him close and burying his face in Stefano’s shoulder.   He sighs in contentment as he feels Stefano’s arms around him, holding on tightly, feels the full length of Stefano’s body pressed against his, feels the gentle rise and fall of Stefano’s chest as he breathes.  When he releases Stefano and steps back, there is a new resolve in Stefano’s eye.

 

“Let’s go,” Stefano says.  “Lily is waiting.”

 

Sebastian nods, and they continue forward through the Marrow.

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefano takes a deep breath and organizes his thoughts. “Myra is strong on her own, but she is no doubt stronger due to Lily’s power.” He pauses and Sebastian nods.
> 
> “And Myra certainly is not going to let us take Lily unless she herself is…” Stefano struggles for a word that won’t distress Sebastian further “…incapacitated.” Sebastian nods again.
> 
> “Someone acting alone would be trapped in that cycle. Unable to subdue Myra without limiting her power, but unable to reach the source of that power without going through Myra herself.”
> 
> Sebastian frowns. “You’re going to say that we need to split up, aren’t you?”

 

 

“Do you think maybe you should undo your shirt?” Sebastian asks, as they prepare to travel from the Marrow to the residential district.  “In case I need to…”

 

Stefano raises an eyebrow at Sebastian, but pulls his shirt loose from his pants and undoes some of the lower buttons.  It makes sense to give Sebastian easy access, since the creature inside him seems to only be appeased by Sebastian’s proximity and physical contact, but the way Sebastian fumbles with his words when he makes the suggestion and the way his pupils are dilated as he stares at Stefano makes Stefano wonder if he has ulterior motives.

 

And those ulterior motives would not be entirely unwelcome.  Despite some reservations about letting things go too far with Sebastian, Stefano does want to feel Sebastian’s hands on him again.  When Sebastian touches him to treat his wounds or ease his pain, Stefano feels only comfort and security.  However, when those touches, though still as gentle as ever, are more arousing in nature, Stefano’s heart races and his chest feels tight and he needs it to stop.  It is not because the touches themselves are unpleasant- quite the opposite in fact- but because he knows in that moment that the encounter is going somewhere that he isn’t ready to go.  

 

The flutters of excitement and arousal in his belly are quite enjoyable in themselves, but he knows what the end result will be.  This is a chain reaction that, once set in motion, will lead them to a point where he will be unable to do something that Sebastian wants him to do.  And Stefano wants to delay reaching that point as long as possible because he truly does want to stay with Sebastian.

 

The more pressing concern at the moment is what Myra’s response is going to be when they travel so close to her location, but, as Stefano’s only viable plan is to help Sebastian rescue Lily and leave Union with them, he knows that he must make this journey.

 

When he has adjusted his clothing to give Sebastian access to his body, he steps next to Sebastian, gives him a nod, and leans in close as Sebastian taps at the keyboard.  The blackness closes in, bringing the distortion of sight and sound and the sense that the world is rearranging itself around them.  Stefano steps forward cautiously, making sure to stay within arm’s reach of Sebastian.  He is surprised that he feels nothing moving inside him, no pain, and no urge to vomit.

 

However, before he can convey this thought to Sebastian, a room full of desks is materializing around them, and Sebastian is already wrapping his arms around Stefano, helping him into a desk chair, and telling him that he is going to be alright.  Sebastian kneels between Stefano’s legs, slipping his hand under Stefano’s shirt to rest it on his belly.

 

Stefano almost hates to tell Sebastian that he doesn’t seem to be experiencing the usual symptoms, because Sebastian’s large hand feels so nice on his bare skin, the gentle pressure Sebastian exerts on his abdomen is comforting even when there is no monster trying to fight its way out of him, and though he would never admit it, Sebastian’s soft words of reassurance make him feel very safe and protected and cared for.

 

Sebastian’s hand stays still at first, until he looks up at Stefano and seems to take note of the fact that Stefano is not in pain.

 

“Nothing this time?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano replies, shaking his head.  Now that he thinks about it, hasn’t Myra’s surveillance system been less active when they are travelling back to Union from the Marrow?  Most of the truly dramatic events have happened when they were entering the Marrow itself.  Perhaps it is easier for Myra to track them in Union without the need to take such extreme measures.  Or perhaps Myra is distracted because now she can see Theodore.  Sebastian speaks again before he can finish that thought.

 

“So I’m just…”

 

“…recreationally touching.” Stefano finishes, holding eye contact with Sebastian.

 

“Is this okay?” Sebastian asks, his brow furrowing in concern.

 

“Yes,” Stefano answers after a pause.  “I think so.”  Recreational touching is a dangerous proposal, but Stefano isn’t ready for Sebastian to take his hand away yet.

 

Sebastian smiles and begins to move his hand around under Stefano’s shirt, slipping his other hand underneath to join it.  The touch is gentle and undemanding, and Stefano sighs and leans back in the chair, not to put distance between himself and Sebastian, but to allow himself to fully relax under Sebastian’s hands, which are stroking his belly, sliding up to his chest, then making their way back down to skim the waistband of his trousers.

 

Stefano reaches out a hand and places it on Sebastian’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.  Sebastian hums in approval, just as his hands dip slightly into Stefano’s waistband, and Stefano’s breath is coming fast and his heart is racing and his hips are pressing forward, and he has to stop because it feels too good and he is too close to that line.

 

Just then, Sebastian glances up and makes eye contact with him and they both freeze.  Stefano is sure that Sebastian must be thinking the same thing he is.  They don’t have time for this right now.  They can’t be distracted.  They need to reach Lily.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian says with a smile, “got a little carried away.”

 

“I did as well,” Stefano replies, almost breathless with the combination of anticipation and fear that flared up as Sebastian was touching him.  His mind is racing, because he can’t make any sense of this, can’t make any sense of almost all of his reactions to Sebastian’s proximity lately.  He’s never had any problems with intimacy before, and for something like this to happen with Sebastian of all people, who is probably the kindest, gentlest person Stefano knows, is inconceivable.

 

Sebastian slips his hands out from under Stefano’s shirt, pats him on the knee, and stands up.  Stefano stands as well, readjusting his clothing to look presentable for whatever is waiting for them outside the safe house.

 

“Coffee?” Sebastian asks, indicating the coffeemaker on a small table across from them.

 

Stefano shakes his head.  “I don’t need it.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  “I’ll let you lead the way since you can see Myra, but stay close.”

 

Stefano nods, opens the door to the safe house, and moves cautiously through the garage and into the street outside.  He can hear from Sebastian’s footsteps that he is close behind.  They turn left, picking their way around the motionless bodies of the Lost, hardly daring to breath.

 

Everything is very still- too still, in fact- and Stefano is just about to remark on this when suddenly he catches the sound of far away singing.  He grabs Sebastian’s arm to make sure he has his attention, then darts toward a small storage shed beside the street.  If the ghost woman hasn’t seen them yet, they can get out of sight and hopefully avoid her entirely.

 

Once they are both inside the shed, Stefano closes the door quietly and they move together to crouch behind some shelving near the back wall.  The ghost woman must be getting closer, because the temperature has dropped to the point that Stefano can see his breath.  He shivers, and Sebastian wraps an arm around him, pulling Stefano against his chest.  The singing is getting closer.

 

“Get ready to get behind me if she makes it in here,” Sebastian whispers.

 

“I think it’s my turn,” Stefano whispers back without thinking.

 

Sebastian is silent for a moment.  “Really?” he murmurs, face now just inches from Stefano’s ear.  “You’d do that?”

 

Stefano only has to reflect for a moment to know that he would.  Sebastian seems far more incapacitated by the memories of his past than Stefano is, and he has suffered some considerable emotional turmoil in the last few hours.  He would do this because Sebastian needs to be sharp to take on Myra, not because he can’t bear to see Sebastian tearing himself apart on the inside all over again.  Deciding that now is not the time to explain any of this to Sebastian, he simply whispers back, “Yes.”

 

Sebastian’s arm tightens briefly around him, and Stefano takes a moment to appreciate the delicious warmth of being pressed up against Sebastian in the otherwise icy room.  The singing is getting farther away now, and the cold is dissipating.  Much to Stefano’s disappointment, Sebastian releases him, and they crouch for another moment until the bluish tinge to the environment is gone, and Stefano can’t hear the singing at all anymore.

 

He rises cautiously to his feet, tiptoes to the door, and slowly opens it, peeking around the edge to verify that the ghost woman really does seem to be gone.  He turns to beckon for Sebastian, but Sebastian is already about a foot away from him, and he jumps in surprise.  Sebastian laughs and clasps his shoulders, and Stefano laughs too.  Maybe it’s just the adrenaline, but it feels pretty nice to laugh with Sebastian.

 

They are still moving cautiously as they make their way back out into the street.  Stefano is mainly looking ahead, periodically checking his mental map, and trusting that Sebastian will warn him if something is approaching from behind.  They reach an intersection of two roads and turn right when he hears a growling noise coming from up ahead of them.  He freezes, hoping that this is some enemy that hasn’t spotted them yet and can be avoided if they adjust their route slightly, but those hopes are dashed as he looks down to the other end of the street.

 

“What the fuck is that?” Sebastian mutters from behind him, and Stefano has no answer, because the thing is the size of a small house and has two heads, six arms, and an electrical pole protruding from the center of its body.  Stefano knows he has given life to his own unorthodox creations in the pursuit of art, but this thing is grotesque.

 

Just then, it turns and thunders down the street toward them, moving with surprising speed on its hands.  The dangling wires from the pole send sparks flying everywhere with each stride the creature takes.

 

“Shit!” Sebastian yells.  Stefano takes a step back to get out of the way as Sebastian shoulders his assault rifle and opens fire.  The bullets don’t seem to be slowing the creature down at all, and as it gets closer Stefano notes that its skin has a familiar waxy appearance.  He wonders if it’s one of Myra’s creations.  Of course, that is much less important than how they are going to defeat it or escape from it.

 

Even under fire from the assault rifle, the creature is closing the distance rapidly, and Stefano is grasping his knife, hoping that he can somehow plunge it into the glowing red spot in between the creature’s two heads once it gets close enough.  Before he can act, he hears a familiar moan and something streaks by him, and Obscura is situating herself between them and the creature.

 

The creature skids to a halt, and it and Obscura seem to be sizing each other up.  Obscura is significantly smaller of course, but the new creature doesn’t seem to know what to make of her.  They stare each other down, bodies stiff, until Obscura’s shutter clicks, and the creature is bathed in a flash of blue light.  It freezes, but only for a split second, and when it springs back to life it twists its body toward Obscura with a snarl of rage.  It raises its arms to bring them down on Obscura, but she dodges out of the way, clambers across a lawn, and springs up onto to roof of a nearby house.  The creature follows, moving quickly hand over hand until it reaches the wall of the house, then scrabbling uselessly at the siding, apparently unable to climb or jump up to Obscura.

 

“Go!”  Stefano shouts to Obscura.  “Lead it somewhere else!”  Obscura moans and dips her camera head at him before she gallops across the roof and takes a flying leap onto the roof of the next house.  The creature follows her, still growling and clawing at the building and still unable to reach.  Once Obscura has confirmed that it is actually following her, she takes off, springing from one building to the next until she and her pursuer disappear into the distance.

 

“Will she be alright?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I hope so,” Stefano says.  He is not confident that Obscura can actually take down that monster, especially when it is so strong that she can’t even freeze it for very long, but he is sure that she will see to her own survival.  All he really needs now is for her to buy them some time to get into the building where he has located Myra, which is a large, two-story rectangular structure on the left-hand side of the street.  He points to it.  “Myra’s in there,” he tells Sebastian. 

 

“Really?” Sebastian asks.  Stefano can’t blame him for being skeptical.  It seems like a very ordinary place for Myra to be hiding.  Surely there must be more to it than meets the eye.

 

“Really,” Stefano replies.  “Or at least, the only marker I have on my map that isn’t Hoffman or Theodore is in there.”

 

“Then let’s check it out,” Sebastian says, “before that thing comes back.”

 

Sebastian takes the lead now, and Stefano has to jog to keep up with him as he strides toward the building.  All of the ground floor entrances are locked, so they end up climbing a sort of emergency ladder to the second floor balcony and trying the doors there.  Fortunately, with a little encouragement from Sebastian’s shoulder, one of them opens.  Stefano follows Sebastian through the door into a room that looks strangely familiar.

 

“What the…” Sebastian mutters, and Stefano has to agree, because the room that they are in is Sebastian’s office, or at least a carbon copy of it.  As soon as they round the corner into the main room though, Stefano can tell that something is different.  There is what looks like natural light filtering in through Sebastian’s personal office at the far end of the room.  Sebastian must see it too, because he quickens his pace, reaches the door to his office, and throws it open.

 

Stefano gasps, because there is no way he can be seeing what he is seeing.  Even in STEM, this would be spatially impossible.  Beyond the destroyed wall of Sebastian’s office is a vast white expanse, like a landscape covered in a blanket of snow, though it might very well be Myra’s white waxy substance.  The terrain extends as far as the eye can see, and Stefano’s brain can’t quite process that they are still somehow inside a building.  Myra’s power must be very great if she can bend space in this way, and Stefano is struck by the magnitude of what they are about to attempt.

 

Sebastian points to the top of a hill that rises up in front of them.  “That’s our house,” he says, but he doesn’t sound pleased to see it.  His voice is dull, tinged with something that might be sorrow or resignation.  Stefano places a hand on his shoulder as he consults his mental map.

 

“Myra is there,” he says softly.

 

Sebastian nods, takes a deep breath, and starts forward.  He makes it exactly one step before a small voice calls out behind them.

 

“Dad?”

 

Stefano turns abruptly and sees Lily standing in the office behind them.  Or at least, someone who looks like Lily is standing in the office behind them.

 

“Lily,” Sebastian says, throwing his arms open and taking a step toward the office.  Stefano places a hand on his chest.

 

“It’s not her, Sebastian.”  He knows it’s not her because if he was standing this close to Lily, he would be able to feel the pull of her energy through the whole environment, through himself, and he feels nothing but a distance pulse, a tickle at the back of his mind, that tells him that Lily is somewhere nearby, but not standing right in front of them.

 

To Stefano’s surprise, Sebastian actually stops walking and looks from Lily to Stefano.  “How do you know?” he asks.

 

“It’s not the marker,” Stefano explains, “but Lily has a… sort of an energy signature.  It is how I was able to track her before when I was working for Theodore.  It is familiar to me, and now that we are in here with her, I can feel it.”

 

Stefano closes his eye, focuses on the pulse, and turns his body until it is at its strongest.  When he opens his eye, he is facing Sebastian’s house again.

 

“Lily is at your house,” he tells Sebastian.  “What you are seeing is merely an illusion.  Some trick of Myra’s perhaps.”  He looks back at the vision of Lily, and, as if on cue, it vanishes.

 

Being able to detect Lily has given Stefano an idea, but he is not sure that Sebastian is going to like it.  The more he thinks about it though, the more it makes sense.

 

“Sebastian,” he begins.  “What if the reason that Theodore wanted us working together on this isn’t just that we are stronger together, but that this endeavor actually requires two people.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian looks perplexed.

 

Stefano takes a deep breath and organizes his thoughts.  “Myra is strong on her own, but she is no doubt stronger due to Lily’s power.”  He pauses and Sebastian nods.

 

“And Myra certainly is not going to let us take Lily unless she herself is…” Stefano struggles for a word that won’t distress Sebastian further “…incapacitated.”  Sebastian nods again.

 

“Someone acting alone would be trapped in that cycle.  Unable to subdue Myra without limiting her power, but unable to reach the source of that power without going through Myra herself.”

 

Sebastian frowns.  “You’re going to say that we need to split up, aren’t you?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says.  “If what we have seen so far is any indication, it’s possible that even together we wouldn’t be able to take on Myra if she is still drawing on Lily’s power.”  As much as he hates the way that Theodore has manipulated both of them with his lies, he has to admit that Theodore is an intelligent man, and that this plan, if it works the way he imagines it will, is quite an inventive way to take on a very powerful foe.

 

Sebastian seems to be trying to catch up with him.  “So I would go and engage Myra while you take Lily out of here?”

 

“Yes,” says Stefano, holding his breath, because this is the part of the plan he thinks Sebastian is not going to like, but he doesn’t see a way around it.  The more he thinks about the situation, the more sure he is that this is exactly why Theodore sent them together.  What is bothering Stefano is what happens after he gets Lily out of Myra’s sphere of influence, because he will be highly visible to Theodore and Sebastian will probably be occupied with Myra for a while.

 

As it turns out, Sebastian’s reservations about the plan are not the ones that Stefano anticipated.  “You realize how easily Myra can kill you if she catches on to this?” he asks, glancing down at Stefano’s midsection.

 

“I doubt she will be paying attention to me,” Stefano replies.  “Remember, she has been using me to track you.  As long as you are right in front of her and you keep her occupied, I don’t think she will know what I am doing until it’s too late.”

 

“And then she’ll be weakened enough that I can…” Sebastian’s voice trails off.

 

“Are you going to be able to do this?” Stefano asks.  He has never had the sort of attachments to other people that result in these problematic situations, but based on everything he knows about Sebastian, he can see how this is emotionally taxing for him.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, his voice getting stronger.  “I’ll do what I have to do to get Lily out.”

 

Stefano is quite surprised at Sebastian’s willingness to entrust Lily to him, but now is not the time to question it if Sebastian isn’t going to.  Sebastian turns fully to face him.

 

“I’ll go first and get Myra’s attention,” he says, and suddenly, he is all business again.  “You’ll be able to see by the marker when I’ve drawn her away.  Then you move in and get Lily.”  He pauses and fixes Stefano with something close to a glare.  “Try not to traumatize her too much.”

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Stefano replies easily, “though she probably won’t be thrilled to see me.”

 

“I’m not actually sure she’ll be thrilled to see me either,” Sebastian says, his face falling.  “Mobius has been telling her that I’m dead for years.”

 

Stefano raises his other hand to Sebastian’s face, gently caressing his cheek, because Sebastian looks so utterly bereft for a moment that Stefano has to do something to put a smile back on his face.  He succeeds, but it’s a wistful sort of half smile.

 

“We can set the record straight once we get her to safety,” Stefano says quietly, releasing Sebastian and taking a step back.  “For now, you know what you need to do.  We’ll meet you at the safe house.”

 

Sebastian nods, his face unreadable as he steps in toward Stefano and raises a hand to cup his cheek.  Stefano smiles, because, even in this serious moment, he welcomes the tender gesture.  Then, slowly, and giving Stefano plenty of time to object, Sebastian leans in and presses his mouth to Stefano’s.

 

Stefano knows he could step back, could ask Sebastian to stop, but at this moment, he wants to feel more of Sebastian, so he closes his eyes, wraps his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders, and gives himself over completely.  The kiss starts out sweet and chaste, but soon Sebastian’s tongue is skillfully teasing his lips apart and thrusting its way into his mouth, and Stefano’s heart is racing, but Sebastian holds him steady with one hand on his cheek and the other on his hip, soothes him through the twisting, turning, roiling emotions and the beautiful, helpless feeling of having something foreign but so welcome invading his mouth.  Sebastian’s tongue slowly massages his, advancing and receding at just the right moments so that he doesn’t feel too overwhelmed by it, and he groans deep in his throat as Sebastian’s hand on his hip pulls their bodies closer together.

 

When Sebastian breaks the kiss and takes a half-step back, Stefano staggers for a moment, overcome with a wave of dizzy euphoria, but Sebastian steadies him, keeps him upright as Stefano recovers himself and does his best not to look like he was just kissed within an inch of his life.

 

“Just be careful,” Sebastian says, before he releases Stefano.

 

“You as well,” Stefano replies.

 

Sebastian takes off at a jog up the hill and doesn’t look back.  Stefano steps back into Sebastian’s office, and takes a seat in Sebastian’s desk chair.  He watches Sebastian climb the hill, wondering what he will find at the top.  In addition to being the best plan he can think of, it seems somehow appropriate to let Sebastian face Myra alone.

 

Stefano holds no hope that any part of Myra can be salvaged.  He has firsthand experience with how long term exposure to STEM, particularly long term exposure to the power of the Core, affects people.  While he was initially baffled by Hoffman and Sebastian’s assertions that he himself had somehow fundamentally changed, subsequent events have granted him a new perspective, and he is now willing to concede that they might have a point.

 

He remembers so little from before Union, and much of what he does recall is painful, which leaves him with what he remembers from Union before he kidnapped Lily, the mind-numbing monotony of idyllic small town life, and what he remembers from after he kidnapped Lily.  That feeling was a high, an all-consuming rush of power and excitement and inspiration, not unlike his experiments with recreational drugs as a teenager.  And, like the drugs, once Lily is removed from the equation, he feels less sharp, less capable, like he has lost his edge, but he also feels more grounded, safer, no longer feels like he has to keep running or risk being swept off his feet.

 

Tapping into Lily’s power is a drug, the most powerful drug in STEM in fact, and now that he is seeing it from the outside, he can appreciate how thoroughly it corrupts those who try to harness it.  And the worst part is that he still craves that power, still wants to be corrupted, but he knows that to have any hope of being anything, inside Union or outside it, he must resist.  He sighs deeply, steeling himself.  This plan is going to require every ounce of his resolve to carry out.

 

Sebastian disappears over the crest of the hill as Stefano is considering this, and on his mental map, Stefano sees Myra now standing in the open space in front of the house.  For a minute, all is quiet, and then the whole environment begins to shake.

 

Rocks force their way out of the ground, dotting the surface of the landscape along the hill, which rises up impossibly higher.  The ground between the office and the hillside drops away to form a huge open pit, almost perfectly circular.  Myra’s marker starts to grow, to change its shape, and it swiftly glides down the other side of the hill, leaving the house unguarded.

 

This is his chance.  He hopes that Sebastian has Myra’s full attention, because if she figures out what he is up to, Stefano is sure that he is going to suffer a very horrible asphyxiation-related death.  He doesn’t want to waste the time or risk the dangerous terrain of actually walking up the hill, so he phases to the top, landing just outside Sebastian’s house.  The increase in the strength of Lily’s signal nearly knocks him off his feet.  He staggers, catching himself, but feeling winded by the sheer energy that her proximity brings.

 

From here he can hear Sebastian’s voice in the distance.  “Myra, please!” he yells.  “I don’t want to do this.”  It is painful to listen to, but Stefano knows that Sebastian must fight that battle himself.  Stefano has his own task.

 

He finds the front door of the house unlocked and goes inside, closing it behind him.  Lily’s signal grows even stronger, but thanks to Sebastian’s memory of the fire, he doesn’t even need it to know where to find her.  He climbs the stairs, walks down the hall, and opens the door to Lily’s room.

 

Lily is at the window with her back to him.

 

“Hello, Lily,” he says, trying to use the sort of calm and reassuring voice Sebastian would use in this situation.

 

She turns to face him, and her expression is much too serious to belong on a five-year-old, but she doesn’t scream or run, which is certainly an improvement over what Stefano has been expecting.

 

Stefano crouches down to her level.  “Lily, I’m sorry if I scared you before, but I’m not here to hurt you.”

 

“I know,” Lily says.  “I’ve been watching you and Dad.”  Her voice is still the voice of a five-year-old, but her speech is deliberate, measured, and Stefano is suddenly struck by the idea that Lily is older than she looks, that while her physical sense of identity has latched on to the body she remembers from before STEM, her mind has continued to develop.

 

“You could see us?” Stefano asks, momentarily forgetting the rescue plan in his curiosity to know what Lily’s experience of STEM is like.

 

“I can see everything in Union,” Lily says.  “But I can’t watch everything all the time.”  She furrows her brow.  “And it’s harder to watch from in here.”

 

“We’re here to take you home, Lily,” Stefano says, realizing that regardless of his curiosity, he needs to get Lily out of Myra’s sphere of influence if Sebastian is to have any chance of defeating Myra.

 

“Isn’t this my home?” Lily asks, looking as though she is genuinely unsure and hoping that Stefano can answer this question for her.

 

“No, not truly your home,” Stefano replies gently.  He opens his mouth to elaborate, but Lily speaks again.

 

“I thought it might not be,” she says.  “I’m just… confused.  It’s hard to think in this place.  And Mom is acting weird.”

 

“Yes, Lily,” Stefano says.  “Your mother doesn’t know what she is doing at the moment, but I need you to come with me so that we can go to see your father.  Can you do that?”

 

“I don’t know,” Lily says.  “Every time I try to go outside, I get so tired.”

 

Stefano imagines that this must be Myra’s design, because of course she wouldn’t want Lily wandering too far from the house.

 

“That’s alright,” Stefano says.  “I’ll help you.”  He extends his hand to Lily, who crosses the room slowly, haltingly, as though despite what she has said, she does still have some reservations about trusting Stefano.  He can’t blame her, but he also feels that attempting to convince her further will only make her more suspicious, so he simply waits patiently until she is standing in front of him, placing her small hand in his.

 

The surge of power when she touches him is so intense that he has to fight not to react physically.  Lily must not be sensitive to it, because she is standing quietly, holding his hand, but Stefano’s heart feels like it is beating much too fast, bringing with it the sense of urgency, the desperate need to do something, to create something.  He forces it down, breathes deeply, and redirects the energy.  He knows now that what it is really commanding him to do is to seize Lily’s power, and he will not do that again.  Instead, he smiles at Lily, stands up, and leads her out into the hallway.

 

Lily follows him obediently down the stairs and across the foyer, but once they open the front door and step over the threshold, she is lagging behind, her steps becoming slow and heavy, her hand tugging at his.

 

“Lily?” he looks back at her.

 

“Sleepy…” she murmurs, her head lolling forward before she jerks awake again.

 

Stefano bends down, catching her under the arms, and lifts her up, thinking for a moment that it is fortunate for him that she is still in the body of a five-year-old, since it makes her light enough to carry easily.  Lily doesn’t protest, just wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, letting her head rest on his shoulder.

 

“Sleep,” he says.  “I’ve got you.”

 

He can still hear Sebastian and Myra fighting it out below them as he tightens his grip on Lily and phases back into Sebastian’s office.  Because this is such an unusual spatial situation, he walks through the office to the door they entered through.  When he opens it, he is relieved to find that he is on the second floor balcony of the house in the residential district.  There is no sign of Obscura or the other creature, though a few things that used to be houses are now flaming heaps of rubble, so he guesses they may be nearby.  Stefano certainly doesn’t want to risk walking the streets back to the safe house.  It is when he begins to bend space to phase to the door of the safe house that everything goes to hell.

 

Stefano can tell that something is going wrong almost immediately, because when he tries to fold space in on itself, it just bunches up, leaving the map a rumpled mess of hills and valleys and broken buildings.  The panic is rising in his chest, but he fights to stay calm, tries to straighten the map out and start over again, but now space itself seems to be tearing, leaving jagged chasms in the ground.  Finally, he decides to stop trying to manipulate the map and just make the journey on foot, but as soon as he steps out of the in-between space he uses for his phasing, the world around him is melting away, to be replaced by Theodore’s throne room.

 

“You’ve done well, Stefano,” Theodore says.  He is seated on his throne with his hands resting on top of his cane as though he has been here for some time, just waiting for Stefano to appear.

 

“No,” Stefano says forcefully, taking a step backward, because this is exactly what he was afraid would happen as soon as he was outside Myra’s sphere of influence.

 

“Yes,” Theodore says, smiling broadly in a way that makes Stefano’s stomach turn.  “You have, and so has Sebastian.  You’ve both played your parts perfectly.  It’s a shame your alliance is at an end.”

 

“Sebastian won’t give up,” Stefano replies firmly.  “He’ll never stop searching for Lily.”

 

“No, of course he won’t give up on Lily,” Theodore says.  “But he will give up on you.”

 

Stefano opens his mouth to protest, but Theodore cuts him off.

 

“What do you suppose he is going to think when he comes out of that building and you and Lily are gone?  He knows what you did.  He knows what you are capable of.  And he knows that you will never truly change.”

 

“No!” Stefano’s voice is rising as he realizes how his disappearance with Lily is going to look to Sebastian.  “You’re wrong!”

 

“Come to me, Stefano,” Theodore says, extending his hand.  His silky smooth voice caresses Stefano’s ears, tries to draw him in the way it has done before.  “Give me the girl, and all will be forgiven.  You will be my most trusted servant, and I will control all of Union.”

 

“Never!” snarls Stefano.

 

In that split second, he knows there is a choice to be made, knows that he could become strong enough to evade Theodore if he seizes Lily’s power for himself.   He also knows, even from the tiny glimpse he had of Lily’s power back in Sebastian’s home, that if he takes that power, even for a second, even to save Lily, he will be lost.  He will never come back to himself, and he will take Lily forever, and he will use her power to shape Union after his own vision, and he will fight with everything he has to stop Sebastian from taking her back.  Part of him wants that, wants it more than anything, but in that moment, he can’t do it.  He can’t do that to Lily, and he can’t do that to Sebastian.

 

 He turns and takes off running with Lily still clasped in his arms, knowing that he is no match for Theodore in his current condition.  As expected, the fire is closing in on them from all sides almost immediately.  There is only blinding light and heat, and he is clinging tightly to Lily, before everything goes dark and he knows nothing more.

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So this was all Stefano’s idea, and you agreed to a plan where the two of you split up and Stefano ends up with Lily,” Hoffman says, her voice hard and one eyebrow raised.
> 
> “Well, when you say it like that, it makes me sound like an idiot…” Sebastian says, staring into his coffee cup for a few seconds before he recovers himself. “But you talked to him, Hoffman, and I’ve spent hours with him. Didn’t he seem… different to you?”
> 
> “Yes,” Hoffman concedes, “but he’s fooled me before, when I approved him for placement in STEM. He can be a pretty incredible actor when he wants to be.”

 

 

Sebastian fires the final sniper rifle round into the glowing orange mouth of the grotesque creature Myra has become.  He watches, rifle still raised, as she slumps forward, the flesh melting off her body and fusing with the landscape around her to make a pool of the white, waxy substance.  After a few seconds, Myra disappears entirely, swallowed up by her own white liquid.  Sebastian simply watches for a moment, feeling cold and numb on the inside, unsure of what his reaction should be, when a hand rises up, breaking the surface and reaching toward the sky.

 

Sebastian sees the wedding ring glinting on Myra’s finger, which is now thankfully human-like, at least as far as Sebastian can see, and without thinking, he wades out into the white substance and seizes Myra’s hand, pulling her to the surface.  He bends, cradles her in his arms, and walks her back to solid, dry ground

 

“Myra,” he murmurs, as he lays her limp body out on the ground.  “Myra… please.”  He brings a hand to her cheek, but she remains unresponsive.  Alarmed now, Sebastian begins to look for vital signs, but just then Myra begins to stir, turning her head and attempting to cough up the waxy substance.  Sebastian helps to sit her up a bit.

 

“I couldn’t protect Lily,” Myra say as soon as she can speak.

 

“You did protect her,” Sebastian says.  “You protected her from everything.  You even tried to protect her from me.  You did everything you could possibly do.”

 

“Where is she now?” Myra asks, her expression changing to one of panic as her voice rises.  “She’s not in the house!  She’s gone, Sebastian!”

 

“Shhh,” Sebastian says, his hand still on Myra’s shoulder.  “She’s with Stefano.”

 

“What?” Myra snaps, and this time her face is deadly serious.  “Don’t you know what he wants to do to her?”

 

“Not anymore, Myra,” Sebastian says.  “He’s helping me get Lily out of STEM.”

 

“I hope you’re right,” Myra says, meeting Sebastian’s gaze.  “You need to get out of here while you still can- all of you.”

 

“You make it sound like you’re not coming with us,” Sebastian says, disheartened but not exactly surprised.  Ever since he became aware of Myra’s existence in STEM, she was so… changed, so far removed from her human self, that Sebastian hasn’t been able to imagine a scenario where Myra is actually able to leave STEM.  Even Stefano seems closer to his pre-STEM self than Myra.

 

“No,” Myra says with a wistful smile.  “I’m not coming with you.”  Sebastian opens his mouth to protest, but Myra cuts him off, and now she is all business.  “For one thing, my consciousness isn’t stable anymore.  I’ve been in and out of STEM too much.  I can’t distinguish reality from STEM half the time, and even one more trip could put me into a permanently catatonic state.  We’ve seen it with test subjects before.”

 

“Why did you keep entering STEM if you knew this could happen?” Sebastian asks, realizing immediately that it’s kind of a stupid question.

 

“For Lily, of course,” Myra replies with a genuine smile.  “I was able to see her every day.  I got to watch her grow up… just not in the way that I imagined.”  Myra’s eyes are brimming with tears now, and Sebastian pulls her into a tight embrace.  He’s imagined a thousand times over the last five years what it would have been like if he and Myra had been able to watch Lily grow up, if they could be a family again, but maybe it was even harder for Myra, who actually did get to see Lily every day but was powerless to rescue her.

 

“And then there’s the final step of the plan,” Myra says, her head resting on Sebastian’s shoulder.  Sebastian backs off to arm’s length, looking Myra in the eyes, because this is important.

 

“What is the final step?” Sebastian asks.

 

“When you and Lily are safely out of STEM,” Myra explains, “I will take on the power of the Core.  I’ll be able to send a fatal signal to the chip implanted in the brain of every Mobius employee.”

 

It takes Sebastian a moment to process this, though he does remember Sykes saying something about a chip earlier.  “Won’t that also be fatal to you?”

 

Myra nods.  “And it will destroy Union, but it’s necessary,” she continues without hesitation.  “If I don’t take out Mobius completely, they will just hunt Lily down and put her back in STEM.”

 

“Was this the plan from the beginning?” asks Sebastian, because Myra sounds so sure of herself that he can’t imagine this is recent development.

 

“Yes,” Myra answers.  “I was going to take on the role of the Core after Theodore and Torres took Lily out of STEM.  Or at least got her to you.”

 

“So I was in the plan from the beginning?” Sebastian asks.

 

“In a way,” Myra says.  “You were more of our Plan B, but things got out of control so quickly with Theodore.  I’m glad Kidman found you in time.”

 

“So am I,” Sebastian says.  He pauses for a moment, then realizes that Myra can probably help him with the next phase of his plan as well.  “Can you see where Stefano is?  With the marker, I mean?”

 

Myra gazes into space for a moment, her eyes unfocused, and Sebastian is reminded of how Stefano looks when consulting his mental map.

 

“Oh no,” Myra says under her breath.  “Oh no.  They’re in Theodore’s stronghold.”

 

“Fuck,” growls Sebastian, because this is the worst case scenario.  He can’t imagine a place he would want Lily to be less than with Theodore.

 

“You have to go!” Myra says, voice rising hysterically again.  “You have to go now!”

 

“Can you come with me?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Myra says quickly.  “I’d only slow you down.  I’m too weak to help you and too weak to leave this place.”  She seizes Sebastian’s shoulders.  “You need to go and get Lily back and get her out of STEM.  I’ll wait for the signal from Kidman to take the final step, but Union is getting more unstable by the minute.”  Myra’s eyes are piercing, and she sounds almost hysterical, but she takes a deep breath.  “Get her back, Sebastian.  Get her back before it’s too late.”

 

Sebastian nods, pulls Myra to him again, and presses his lips to her forehead.  “I’ll save her,” he whispers against her skin before he releases Myra.  “Goodbye, Myra.”

 

Myra squeezes his hand one last time.  “Go, Sebastian.  You’re almost out of time.”

 

Sebastian feels like there is more that he needs to say, more that he needs to hear, but there is no time, and who knows what might be happening to Lily right now.  He turns and sprints to his office without looking back.  He is gasping for breath by the time he reaches it and has to slow down a bit, but he makes it to the door and exits Myra’s world onto the balcony.

 

He has to pause for a moment just to take in the landscape, because the topography of Union is completely different than when they entered.  Even more so than before, it looks like the aftermath of an earthquake.  All around him, the earth is forced up into peaks and ridges, buildings destroyed, pipes and utilities sticking out of the ground, and deep chasms yawning open.

 

Sebastian isn’t sure what happened here, but it was catastrophic.  He climbs down the ladder and takes up a purposeful, but wary jog as he makes his way back to the safe house.  Luckily, no enemies seem to be around, and he reaches the door safely, hoping against hope that the Marrow is still intact enough to allow him to make it to the business district.

 

Sebastian doesn’t know what conclusion to draw from the fact that Stefano, and presumably Lily, are now with Theodore.  He can think of three possible explanations.  Either Stefano has been lying to him this whole time and was just waiting for another chance to get his hands on Lily, Stefano didn’t originally plan to take Lily but was overwhelmed by her power, or Theodore simply reasserted himself and Stefano was unable to stop him from capturing both of them.

 

Even considering the first possibility makes Sebastian’s chest tighten in anger, because he trusted Stefano, trusted him with the most important task in the world: securing Lily’s safety, and the possibility that Stefano never intended to help him or Lily is just too much to process.  Also, this theory is contradicted by the evidence of Stefano’s character that Sebastian has been observing over the last several hours.  While Stefano still has his quirks and oddities, he has also displayed moments of seemingly genuine empathy toward Sebastian in particular and has placed himself in danger to aid Sebastian more than once.  In short, Stefano’s motives, while still unclear, are certainly more complicated than just getting Lily back.

 

Sebastian is able to dismiss the second option almost immediately, because if Stefano had been so overcome by Lily’s power that he attempted to keep her for himself, Sebastian would not expect to find him in Theodore’s realm.  He makes a mental note to check with Hoffman when he arrives at her safe house to make sure Stefano is still with Theodore, but in the short term, it doesn’t look like Stefano has been acting of his own accord.

 

Which leaves Sebastian with the explanation that this is, once again, all Theodore’s fault.  This makes sense in a way, because if Stefano was correct in his interpretation of Theodore’s plan for the two of them to defeat Myra, the plan also worked to Theodore’s advantage by ensuring that when Stefano emerged with Lily, Sebastian would be otherwise occupied, making it that much easier for Theodore to spirit them away.

 

In spite of his current predicament, Sebastian has to give some credit to Theodore, and Stefano of course for figuring out his plan, because in the beginning, the fight against Myra, or at least the nightmarish creature that had been Myra at one point, was not going well.  She was clearly drawing on a source of great power, and for a while, none of Sebastian’s hits were even landing.

 

Sebastian could tell the instant that Lily was removed from Myra’s sphere of influence, because Myra’s attack patterns changed, became more controlled, as though she was trying to conserve energy, and she was no longer able to shield the weak points that were vulnerable to Sebastian’s attacks.  Only in this state was he able to effectively fight her and ultimately defeat her, and he shudders to think of what would have happened if he and Stefano had tried to take her head-on without considering how Lily’s power would influence the outcome.

 

So even though Theodore moving in to strike when Stefano and Lily emerged into Union was a foreseeable consequence of this plan, Sebastian doesn’t see what other option they had.  This is the fundamental difficulty of dealing with two major threats.  Focus on one and become vulnerable to the other.  At least Myra now seems to be rational enough that she won’t try to stop them again.  Sebastian hopes she will stay that way long enough to execute her plan, however tragic that plan is.

 

As Sebastian runs through all of this in his mind, he is making his way through the abandoned Marrow until he reaches Hoffman’s safe house.  He’s about to reach for the door handle, when the door opens for him from the inside.

 

“Saw you on the cameras,” Hoffman explains, holding the door for him.  She looks him up and down.  “You look like shit.  What happened?”

 

“There’s no time, Hoffman!” snaps Sebastian, storming into the safe house.  “Where is Stefano?”

 

“He’s in Theodore’s stronghold,” Hoffman answers.  “That’s why I need to know what happened.”

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says quickly, already heading for the door leading to the Post Plus exit.

 

“Wait!” yells Hoffman from behind him.  “At least have a cup of coffee.  You’re no good to Lily if you’re already injured.”

 

Hoffman does have a point.  Sebastian’s body aches all over, and he is sure he has an assortment of cuts and bruises.  He thinks for a moment about how nice it would be to let Stefano treat his wounds, run his hands all over Sebastian’s body, but in the short term, a cup of coffee will have to do.  Sebastian returns to the coffeemaker, pours himself a cup, and sits on the couch across from Hoffman while he tries to drink it as quickly as one can drink a very hot beverage.

 

“Now that you’re listening,” Hoffman raises an eyebrow at him.  “There’s something you need to know.  Theodore’s stronghold isn’t exactly accessible at the moment.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks between sips.

 

Hoffman turns her computer monitor to face Sebastian.  “It’s surrounded by an actual wall of fire.”  Sebastian’s initial reaction is disbelief, but sure enough, the monitor shows a huge structure past the Sanctuary Hotel in the business district, and it is surrounded by freestanding flames.

 

“How am I supposed to get through that?” Sebastian wonders to himself as much as Hoffman.

 

“Glad you asked,” Hoffman replies.  “Liam was working on a portable stable field emitter.  I have his prototype here, and it seems to be in working order, so we should be able to use it to create a pocket of safety in the flames.”

 

“What do you mean ‘we’?” Sebastian asks.  “You can’t go.  It’s too dangerous.”

 

“You’ll need me to operate it,” says Hoffman.  “And I want to help you get Lily out of here.”

 

“There’s no way, Hoffman,” Sebastian shoots back.  “This isn’t a job for a psychologist.”

 

“I haven’t done much right since I started working for Mobius,” Hoffman says, looking into Sebastian’s eyes with calm determination.  “Let me have this.”

 

Sebastian holds her gaze, but she doesn’t flinch.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian throws up the hand that isn’t holding his coffee mug.  “If you’ve already made up your mind, I guess there’s not much I can do to stop you.”

 

“I’ve made up my mind,” Hoffman replies with confidence in her voice.  “I may be going to die in STEM- we may all be going to die in STEM-, but I’m not going to hide down here waiting for it.  I’m going to do something that matters.”

 

Sebastian nods, gulping down more coffee, feeling his wounds healing up as he contemplates Hoffman’s fate.  If Myra follows through on her plan, Hoffman is doomed anyway.  Might as well let her go down trying to right her wrongs, and of course, he could use the help.  Storming Theodore’s stronghold seems like an incredibly stupid idea, but he’s out of options.  Lily and Stefano are in there, and that’s all he needs to know.

 

“Now can you tell me what happened with Stefano?” Hoffman asks, her voice clinical again.  “Did he take Lily back to Theodore?”

 

“I don’t think so,” Sebastian answers, “but I can’t be sure.  He was alone with Lily when it happened, since I was busy with Myra.”

 

“And isn’t the most obvious explanation that he’s been working for Theodore the whole time?”

 

“That’s one explanation,” Sebastian says cautiously, “but not the only one.  Stefano suggested that the only way for us to defeat Myra would be to split up, so that he could get Lily away from Myra and keep Myra from drawing on her power.”  Sebastian is about to continue, but Hoffman cuts in.

 

“So this was all Stefano’s idea, and you agreed to a plan where the two of you split up and Stefano ends up with Lily,” Hoffman says, her voice hard and one eyebrow raised.

 

“Well, when you say it like that, it makes me sound like an idiot…” Sebastian says, staring into his coffee cup for a few seconds before he recovers himself.  “But you talked to him, Hoffman, and I’ve spent hours with him.  Didn’t he seem… different to you?”

 

“Yes,” Hoffman concedes, “but he’s fooled me before, when I approved him for placement in STEM.  He can be a pretty incredible actor when he wants to be.”

 

Sebastian thinks back over his time with Stefano, to the dungeon, to the memory of Stefano’s childhood home, to this very couch where Stefano’s body was pressed so close to his.  “That would be one hell of an act,” he says flatly.

 

Hoffman shrugs.  “I can’t be sure either, but I have less… emotional investment in this than you do.  I’m just telling you how it looks from an outside perspective.”

 

Sebastian nods and drains his coffee cup.  He doesn’t know what to think.  His gut is still telling him that Stefano was overpowered by Theodore, that of course Stefano would never betray him, that all will be explained once he can get to Theodore’s stronghold and just talk to Stefano, but he has to admit that Hoffman has a point.  He does have emotions tied up in this, and the way she explains it is compelling.  He’s out of time to think this over though.  He’ll have to figure it out when he gets to Theodore and Stefano.

 

“You ready?” he asks Hoffman.  He stands up and replaces his mug beside the coffeemaker, hopefully for the last time.

 

“Yes,” she replies, leaning over from her desk and grabbing something that looks like it belongs in an exhibit at the air and space museum.

 

“That’s really going to protect us?” Sebastian asks skeptically.

 

Hoffman gives him a cold stare.  “Yes, unless you have a better idea.”

 

“No,” Sebastian says with a shake of his head.  “We’ll have to give it a try and hope for the best.”

 

“Liam was a whiz with these kinds of things,” Hoffman offers.  “Even though this wasn’t fully finished, I’m sure it will keep us safe as long as we can keep it running.”

 

“I’ll leave that up to you,” Sebastian says, as they head for the computer that will transport them to the Post Plus.

 

The journey to the end of town near the Sanctuary Hotel is accomplished mainly by stealth, sneaking through bushes, darting across roadways, and hiding behind cars and dumpsters, because there is at least one harbinger still roaming the streets, and Sebastian doesn’t feel confident taking one of those on without Stefano.  He is already running low enough on ammo as it is.

 

When they arrive at the place beyond the hotel where the road used to end, Sebastian can see that there is indeed a wall of fire separating them from the hulking stone and metal structure that is their destination.  Sebastian gazes up at it for a minute, because Theodore’s ‘medieval fire motif’, as Stefano once described it, can produce some downright intimidating architecture.  Even from the outside, the place looks nightmarish.

 

Hoffman, crouched beside him, is fiddling with the portable stable field emitter.  “You’re going to need to stay close to me,” she instructs Sebastian as she works.  “The emitter will create a pocket of safe space inside the flames, but it won’t stop those creatures from attacking us.”

 

“I’ll take care of them,” Sebastian says, with more confidence than he actually feels.  Taking on Theodore’s creations in a confined space surrounded by walls of fire is not an experience he looks forward to.  He grabs the shotgun from his back, checking to make sure it’s fully loaded.

 

“Alright,” Hoffman says, “then let’s get going.”

 

Sebastian follows her, shotgun in hand, and the flames actually do part as Hoffman approaches them with the portable emitter.  The space it creates is not much bigger than a safe house, so it’s certainly not the place to have an extended battle.  Hopefully anything that might attack them can be put down quickly before someone gets shoved into the flames.

 

They’ve gone less than fifty meters when Sebastian hears a groaning sound ahead of them and positions himself in front of Hoffman to intercept the enemy.  It’s one of Theodore’s fire disciples, and Sebastian can see it approaching, undeterred by the flames.  As soon as it steps into their circle of protection, Sebastian fires once with the shotgun, blowing its head to pieces and causing it to collapse to the ground.  He gives the same treatment a moment later to another one coming from behind them.

 

They continue forward, and Sebastian finds that as long as he quickly reloads the shotgun between attacks, he is generally able to manage the fire disciples with one or two shotgun rounds each.  It’s a little more challenging when they attack in groups, but he’s able to at least stagger them before they can strike him or Hoffman.  The portable emitter almost fails twice, their safe space shrinking down to about ten feet in diameter each time, but Hoffman gets it up and running again, and they press on.

 

After defeating a few more enemies, Sebastian looks up to find that they are at the steps to Theodore’s stronghold.  He starts up them at a jog, his pace increasing even more as he realizes how close he is to Lily, but Hoffman’s scream from behind him brings him up short.  He whips around to find that Hoffman is down, trying to pull herself up the steps while two fire disciples cling to her.  The portable emitter is on the ground beside her, sparking and smoking like it’s going to fail at any moment.  Despite her earlier bravado, there is fear on Hoffman’s face as she looks up at him.

 

“Hoffman!” Sebastian shouts, turning and starting back down the steps to extend a hand to her.

 

“No, Sebastian!” she yells back.  “It’s going to fail!  Go!  Find Lily!”

 

The emitter sparks one last time, then fizzles out, and Sebastian only has time to turn and throw himself through the open doors at the top of the stairs before everything behind him is engulfed in flames. 

 

Hoffman’s screams are horrible, but short-lived, and by the time Sebastian is picking himself up from the floor and dusting himself off, the only sound is the roar of the flames outside.  Tatiana’s words come back to him then, about how sometimes a sacrifice is necessary.  Sebastian has already had two people sacrifice themselves to let him get closer to Lily, and he knows what Myra is planning, but he hopes that’s the end of it.  Someone has to still be alive to get Lily out of here, after all.

 

The room ahead of him is vast and seems to be some sort of church.  As he makes his way between the pews, Sebastian glances up to the altar, where, to his utter shock, Theodore is standing before rows and rows of burning candles.

 

“Ah, Sebastian” says Theodore, spreading his arms in welcome.  “You’ve made it to my sanctuary.”

 

“You didn’t make it easy,” growls Sebastian, even though he is surprised at how easy it was to find Theodore once he reached the stronghold.

 

“Enlightenment is attained through adversity, forged in conflict,” Theodore replies.  “If your path here had been an easy one, you would not have arrived with all of the tools you will need.”

 

“The tools I’ll need for what?” snaps Sebastian.  “Where is Lily?”

 

“We’ll discuss Lily in due time,” Theodore says, his voice agonizingly measured.  “You have the tools you will need to manage my flock.”

 

“I don’t want anything to do with your flock!” Sebastian shoots back.  “Where is Lily?  Where is Stefano?”

 

“Ah, yes, let’s talk about Stefano,” Theodore says.  “He is safe with me of course.”

 

“Don’t you hurt him anymore,” Sebastian snarls.  “Hasn’t he already suffered enough?”

 

“You tell me,” Theodore replies coldly.  “He only had to suffer enough to make you feel sympathy for him.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure how much that would take, so the session had to be rather extreme.”

 

Sebastian’s blood is boiling, and his hand is on his pistol.  Even though Hoffman and Stefano suspected this, to hear it confirmed by Theodore is infuriating, to know that everything Stefano was subjected to, every cut, every burn, every violation of his body, was done to get a reaction out of Sebastian.  And it certainly did get a reaction out of him, and Theodore is about to get an even bigger reaction.  Sebastian’s vision has narrowed down to just Theodore’s face, the rest of it obscured by red.

 

“How could you?” cries Sebastian, drawing his pistol and pointing it at Theodore’s head.  “How could you do that to someone?”

 

“Sebastian,” Theodore sighs and clicks his tongue as though he is dealing with a particularly stubborn child.  “The power of the Core is everything.  If I had to sacrifice a hundred citizens to access that power, it would be well worth it.  And I do have that power now,” he adds with a smirk.

 

Theodore is infuriating, Theodore is cruel, and Sebastian is ready to put an end to him.  He places his finger on the trigger and adjusts his aim, but he hesitates.  He pauses for a moment, because the last two times he thought he was killing Theodore he managed to attack a completely innocent party.  He lowers his gun, looks away, counts to three as he tries to will his anger to dissipate, and looks back.  Predictably it’s Stefano who is standing in front of him.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian says, still unsure if this is real or another of Theodore’s deceptions.  Stefano only blinks at him in confusion.  “Stefano,” Sebastian says again, holstering his pistol and reaching out a hand as he steps toward Stefano, but Stefano is gone and the room around him is changing, reforming and rebuilding itself, and Sebastian is hit by a sudden wave of nausea as the scenery flies by.  He closes his eyes to combat it, and when he opens them, the world is mercifully still again.

 

He is now standing in a small room, dimly lit by a few lamps that seem to rise up out of the darkness with no visible means of support.  Two red velvet chairs sit opposite each other on either side of a dark-stained wooden coffee table, and Theodore is seated in one of them.  Sebastian’s hand is immediately on his gun again, but Theodore waves a hand dismissively at him.

 

“Don’t waste your bullets,” says Theodore.  “You know that you can’t kill me.  That I’m not really here.”

 

Sebastian is willing to concede, based on his last few attempts, that it is at least very unwise to shoot at Theodore, so he leaves his pistol in the holster.

 

“Come,” Theodore says.  “Sit down with me.”

 

Sebastian glances briefly around him, but the rest of the environment is filled with a deep darkness so thick it can’t be natural.  He doesn’t have many options here, so even though he feels very much like a fly willingly going toward a spider’s web, he walks forward and takes a seat in the chair opposite Theodore.

 

“Sebastian, you are an intelligent man,” Theodore begins.  “And you seem to have learned some self-control as well.  I am prepared to speak to you very frankly.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t believe for a second that Theodore is going to tell him the truth, but he wants to get on with this so that he can take the next step in rescuing Lily.  “Go on then.  Say whatever you’re going to say, or take me to Lily and Stefano.”

 

“This concerns Stefano, in fact.  He has become quite a thorn in my side,” Theodore says.  “He has served his purpose, and now he waits in my dungeon, bound and helpless.”  Sebastian bristles at this, but Theodore keeps talking.  “His loyalty to you is what allowed my plan to come to fruition, but it is the same reason I cannot release him now.”

 

“Because he would help me rescue Lily?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Exactly,” Theodore replies.  “I have no further use for him, but I don’t particularly want him dead.  I just can’t have him joining forces with you again the instant he’s released.  I had hoped that you would be angry enough to finish him off when you met him here, but it seems you are still too kindly disposed toward him.”

 

Sebastian is now even more confident that it wasn’t Stefano he saw just a moment ago.  It was Theodore trying to see whether Sebastian was going to welcome Stefano or attack him.

 

“So tell him that a condition of his freedom is that he leaves this place and doesn’t have any contact with me,” Sebastian suggests, guessing that it’s not going to be that simple.

 

“I think we both know he won’t listen to me any longer,” Theodore says.  “He needs to hear it from you, and you cannot explain it to him the way you just did to me.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks.

 

“He can’t know that you are telling him to leave for his own safety,” Theodore explains.  “That will only feed his desire to help you.  You need to drive him away from you in some other way.”

 

Sebastian realizes a second later what Theodore is actually suggesting, and it makes his heart ache, because the last thing he wants to do is to hurt Stefano in any way- quite the opposite in fact.  All of his recent thoughts about Stefano have been focused on Stefano’s comfort and pleasure.  But Stefano is alone in Theodore’s dungeon right now, and he must be terrified.   Leaving him there is a death sentence based on what Theodore has said, so Sebastian knows he has to do something.

 

“Why should I believe you’ll actually free him?” Sebastian asks, trying to stall for some time in making his decision as well as try to get a read on Theodore’s true intentions.

 

“You can watch him walk out the door,” Theodore offers.  “I truly have no use for him.  As long as he isn’t allying himself with you, he is of no consequence to me.”

 

“And what exactly would I have to do?” Sebastian asks, though he is afraid he already has some idea.

 

“Make him fear you.  Make him hate you,” Theodore says with a smile.  “Whatever you think will most effectively sever his trust in you.  I do not concern myself with the specifics.  If there are any tools you require, you only need to imagine them.  I will tell you when you’ve done enough.”

 

“And if I refuse?” asks Sebastian.

 

“Then it will be their turn,” Theodore says, waving his hand lazily to one side, and Sebastian looks over as a new part of the room is illuminated.  At least a dozen robed and hooded men are standing there, and Sebastian remembers the three he had to kill to help Stefano in the first place.  “I assure you, it will be a long process,” Theodore adds.

 

Sebastian feels sick to his stomach at the idea of letting these men have their way with Stefano, to let them beat and stab and torture him to death.  His primary objective is Lily, and that has not changed, but if he can get Stefano out of here as well, even if it’s not with him and Lily, even if Stefano ends up hating him, he is sure as hell going to do it.  He doesn’t trust that Theodore is telling the truth about any of this, even for a second, but now that he has Lily’s power, Theodore may as well be a god here.  If Sebastian has to play his game to make his way closer to Lily, in order to have any chance of helping Stefano, then so be it.

 

“Fine,” Sebastian says.  “I’ll do it.  Take me to him.”

 

Instantly, the room around him is changing again, and he is closing his eyes to ward off the motion sickness.  When he opens them, he is in the hallway outside the cells.

 

“Go on,” says Theodore in a voice that Sebastian is sure only he can hear.  “He is waiting for you.”

 

Sebastian takes a moment to collect himself, to organize his thoughts, because he needs to be convincing.  If he is going to traumatize Stefano to Theodore’s satisfaction, Stefano needs to believe that he really means everything he is about to say and do, and the thought of that makes him feel like he is going to throw up right here in the hallway.  But Stefano and Lily need him, and he can’t waste any more time trying to protect his own feelings.  Sebastian takes a deep breath, braces himself, and opens the door to Stefano’s cell.

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian’s laugh is cold and mirthless. “The time for talking is over,” he says flatly. “There’s nothing left to explain. You and I are here, and Theodore has Lily, and that’s all I need to know.” Sebastian turns slowly back toward the bed, dark hair clinging to his sweat-damp face. The look in his eyes is hard, savage, and Stefano is beginning to wonder if he knows Sebastian as well as he thinks he does, because he is certain that the Sebastian who gently treated his wounds with healing gel, who murmured soft reassurances to him, and who pressed such warm, soothing kisses to his face, would never look at him the way Sebastian is looking at him now. The thought makes his blood run cold.

 

 

When Stefano drifts back to consciousness, his mind is cloudy, filled with memories of fire, Theodore’s voice, and an overbearing sense of dread.  This sense, he discovers, is well founded, as he has been stripped of his clothes and is now in one of Theodore’s cells with his arms spread apart and each hand bound to the head of the metal bed frame.  Immediately a rush of sensations floods his brain- flashes of hooded figures standing over him, the sound of metal scraping bone, and the relentless, mind-numbing pain.  He tries to fight off the dark thoughts, but the cell around him, the position he is restrained in, everything about this situation is the same as it was before, and the pain and the fear force their way back into his consciousness over and over again.

 

He is breathing hard when he finally manages to subdue the thoughts, even temporarily.  The cell is dark and cold, and the sheer silence of the place, apart from his breathing, feels physically oppressive.  Stefano isn’t sure what Theodore wants from him this time, but he fears that, once again, it will only be his blood and his screams.  He has already run through every scenario that has sprung unbidden to his mind, every possible kind of torture, of pain and humiliation that might be inflicted upon him, and he is beginning to wonder if the anticipation of such horrors isn’t worse than the act itself.  He is deep in thought when the door creaks open and it nearly causes him to jump out of his skin.

 

His heart is racing, his body is shaking, and there is a cold sweat forming between his back and the mattress, because there may be no one to rescue him this time.  He doesn’t know how Sebastian fared against Myra, or if Sebastian even cares what happens to him anymore.  And certainly no one other than Sebastian is going to help him.  His breath is coming faster, nearly at the point of hyperventilation, when a figure steps into the room and the torches on the walls blaze to life as if by magic.

 

It is Sebastian’s face that he sees, and the wave of relief that washes over him makes his head swim and his whole body go limp.  “Sebastian,” he says, a little breathless.  As the feeling of impending terror subsides, Stefano suddenly becomes very aware of his own nudity, bringing one of his legs up and across his body to cover himself at least somewhat.

 

Sebastian is staring at him, and Stefano can’t quite read his expression, but it’s one he hasn’t seen on Sebastian’s face before.  Sebastian’s stance is squared off, like he is about to take on some enemy, and his body is rigid.  Something is definitely wrong here.

 

Sebastian stalks forward, his steps slow and measured.  “How could you?” he growls, stopping a few feet away from the bed.  “How could you give her to Theodore?”  Even Sebastian’s voice has a quality that Stefano has never heard before, a sort of low, gravelly rasp that makes Stefano wonder if he’s damaged his vocal cords somehow.

 

Stefano is incredulous.  After all, if he had given Lily to Theodore, why would he be tied up in Theodore’s dungeon?

 

 “You must be joking,” he replies cautiously, still trying to feel out this new side of Sebastian.  While Stefano is aware that he doesn’t have the best track record regarding taking care of Lily, surely everything that he and Sebastian have been through together has to count for something- all of the beautifully executed fights, all of the revealing conversations, all of the warm, intimate touches under clothes or blankets in the safe houses-

 

“I’m not fucking joking!” snarls Sebastian, and he kicks the bed frame so hard that the whole bed lifts up a few inches and crashes against the wall before coming to rest again.  Stefano’s heart leaps into his mouth at the brief moment of weightlessness before it begins hammering so hard that he is sure Sebastian must be able to hear it.  He is stunned, utterly speechless at Sebastian’s behavior.  How could Sebastian really believe that he would turn Lily over to Theodore?

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano tries again, though his voice sounds hoarse and foreign to his ears.  “You know I would never-”

 

“I thought I knew you,” Sebastian mutters, “but apparently I was wrong.  I never knew you at all.”  He turns away from the bed, taking a step toward the opposite wall.  “Hoffman had you all figured out though.  She tried to warn me, but I was too stupid to listen.”

 

Stefano can’t believe what he is hearing.  That Sebastian would trust Hoffman over him is adding insult to injury.  “You’re really going to listen to Hoffman?” he gasps, because his lungs suddenly feel starved for air.  “The one who put Lily in STEM in the first place?”

 

“At least Hoffman was up front about what she had done,” Sebastian says darkly, extending one of his arms to brace himself against the wall, his back still to Stefano.  “So was Torres.  Even O’Neal told us the truth right at the end.  But you… you’ve been deceiving me all along.  You’ve been working for Theodore all along.  And I was just too blind to see it.”

 

“Sebastian, listen to yourself,” Stefano implores.  “None of that makes any sense.”  He doesn’t like the pleading note that has crept into his voice, but he is extremely vulnerable at the moment, to Sebastian or anyone else who might come along, and he needs Sebastian to understand, needs Sebastian to at least release him from his bonds so that they can have a civilized discussion.  “Untie me, and we’ll talk about it,” he offers.

 

Sebastian’s laugh is cold and mirthless.  “The time for talking is over,” he says flatly.  “There’s nothing left to explain.  You and I are here, and Theodore has Lily, and that’s all I need to know.”  Sebastian turns slowly back toward the bed, dark hair clinging to his sweat-damp face.  The look in his eyes is hard, savage, and Stefano is beginning to wonder if he knows Sebastian as well as he thinks he does, because he is certain that the Sebastian who gently treated his wounds with healing gel, who murmured soft reassurances to him, and who pressed such warm, soothing kisses to his face, would never look at him the way Sebastian is looking at him now.  The thought makes his blood run cold.

 

Sebastian stalks back to the bed, and Stefano’s mind is reeling, because this isn’t his Sebastian.  He doesn’t know who this is.  He wonders momentarily if this is some trick of Theodore’s, an illusion designed to… to what?  That’s the problem.  There is no reason for Theodore to inflict this on him that he can think of, which means this must be the real Sebastian.

 

Sebastian is standing beside the bed now, staring down at him, and he shifts uncomfortably, because Sebastian’s gaze is hard, searing in his anger.  Even when he first met Sebastian, even when they were enemies, Sebastian never looked at him like this.  There is hate, real hate in Sebastian’s eyes, and Stefano may not be an expert at reading people’s expressions, but this is one he is familiar with.

 

Sebastian’s eyes run up and down his body with a cold, appraising look, and the corners of his mouth turn upward in a smirk as Stefano imagines he must be planning what he is going to do to Stefano, how he is going to hurt him.  It makes Stefano shiver, because Sebastian would know better than anyone else.  Stefano has shared enough with him that he would know exactly how to break Stefano down.  For god’s sake, Stefano trusted him, and Sebastian’s betrayal of that trust hurts more than anything else Sebastian could possibly do to him.

 

Secure in that knowledge at least, Stefano sighs deeply, looks at the ceiling, and waits for Sebastian to make the next move.

 

He doesn’t have to wait long.  Sebastian’s next move is fast and brutal.  His arm shoots out, his hand fists in Stefano’s hair, and he yanks Stefano’s head toward him.  “Look at me,” he growls.  Stefano’s adrenaline spikes and he struggles against Sebastian’s hold.  He reflexively attempts to phase away, but finds himself unable to move in space at all, though he can’t be sure whether it’s due to panic, his tied hands, or Sebastian’s hold on him.  Sebastian’s hand is unrelenting, holding his hair in a painfully tight grip as he snarls, “Don’t you dare take your eye off of me for a second.  I want you to remember who it is that’s doing this to you.”

 

The little flutters of fear and adrenaline are gone, replaced by a bone-deep, cold feeling of rising dread.  Stefano can only nod his head slightly in response to Sebastian’s statement.  Sebastian releases his hair, but holds his position, leaning over Stefano, and Stefano’s skin is crawling because here he is, once again, on his back, naked, and unable to escape.  He just never expected that the one looming over him would be a friendly face.

 

As directed, Stefano keep his eye on Sebastian as Sebastian looks him up and down again.  His gaze feels like a physical sensation, an icy finger trailing up and down Stefano’s body.  Sebastian’s hand reaches out again, grabs the leg he has raised to cover himself, and forces it down to the mattress.  He can no longer hide any part of his body from Sebastian’s eyes, and he swallows reflexively to control the bile rising up in his throat.

 

Part of why this feels so wrong and sick and horrible, he realizes, is that at some point, maybe when he was lying under Sebastian in Hoffman’s safe house, he might have wanted to share his body with Sebastian.  But Sebastian is looking at him now as though Stefano’s very existence disgusts him, and Stefano’s stomach is turning at the thought of those hands touching him.

 

Sebastian steps away from the bed and begins removing his weapons from his back and placing them on a nearby wooden crate.  He begins speaking, almost to himself at first.  “I can’t believe you did this after I saved you… after all of those times I comforted you… after I trusted you!”  His voice rises to a shout as he pulls an axe from his belt and swings it violently into one of the crates, which gives way with a crash, sending splinters of wood shooting everywhere.

 

Stefano’s body begins to tremble involuntarily.  He has seen Sebastian fight and he has seen Sebastian angry, but that anger, that intense physical violence has never been directed at him.  Sebastian is powerful; there is no question about that, and he suddenly feels very small before Sebastian’s rising anger.

 

“Well, not trusted you exactly,” Sebastian continues.  “I wasn’t that stupid.”

 

Stefano opens his mouth to protest because he can think of several times where Sebastian clearly did trust him, but closes it quickly because there is no point in arguing with Sebastian, no reason to make him any angrier than he already is.

 

“But no more,” Sebastian continues.  “This time no one’s going to come for you, and I have all the time in the world to make you feel everything you deserve to feel for what you did to Lily- what you did to me.”

 

Through the thick blanket of fear that surrounds him, Stefano does think it’s a bit odd that Sebastian is talking so much.  Any other time Sebastian has wanted to express something to him has involved minimal talking and copious amounts of physical contact, but perhaps this is just how Sebastian acts when he’s angry.  Stefano can’t be sure, and his more pressing concern is that Sebastian is heading over to the wooden table near the foot of the bed.

 

Because the surface of the table is higher than the bed, Stefano can’t see what is on it, but he is certain that it is not anything good.  That table is where the knives and the clubs and the hot pokers come from.  Stefano’s mind still feebly tries to reject the idea that Sebastian would use any of those things on him, but all signs indicate that Sebastian is choosing his implement of torture.

 

 Stefano tries to take deep breaths, to focus himself, to retreat somewhere inside his mind where he won’t have to experience as much of this, because he is not sure that he can take another session like the last one without going mad.  It’s not just the physical pain, but the fear and the helplessness, the sense that his body is no longer his own, and he fears this time it will destroy him.  And he would rather his body be destroyed before his mind.  Perhaps, even in his anger, Sebastian will have one last act of mercy for him.

 

“Sebastian,” he says, voice weak and trembling, even to his own ears, “you promised before that you would kill me rather than let me suffer.  If you are so determined about this, please, just kill me now.”

 

Sebastian turns toward the bed, holding a knife in one hand.  “I have no mercy left for you,” he says, voice flat and emotionless.  He turns the knife over in his hands, and the blade catches the light as he continues.  “I think I was more than kind enough the last time you and I were in this room.”  He uses the knife to gesture to the room around him as he steps toward the bed again.  “And just look how you repaid me.”

 

“I didn’t, Sebastian, I swear-” Stefano starts to say, but suddenly, Sebastian in halfway on top of him, clapping his hand over Stefano’s mouth.

 

“No,” growls Sebastian.  “No more lies.”  And that hurts, because Sebastian might be the only person to whom he hasn’t lied.  Sebastian’s words, however, quickly become far less important than the growing possibility that Sebastian is going to suffocate him.  Stefano can still technically breathe through his nose, but Sebastian’s weight is resting on his elbow, which is pressed into Stefano’s chest, and try as he might, Stefano can’t get his lungs to expand enough for a decent breath.  To make matters worse, Sebastian’s knee is between his legs, pressed firmly enough against his balls that he fears any move Sebastian makes with it will be very unpleasant, and he can feel the cold metal of the knife against his throat.  He tries to stay calm, takes a few more abbreviated breaths before the panic sets in, and he starts to thrash beneath Sebastian, but Sebastian’s weight keeps him firmly pinned, and his breaths are getting shorter and shorter.

 

Just when Stefano is starting to get lightheaded, Sebastian sits back, taking his weight off Stefano’s chest and his hand off Stefano’s mouth.  Stefano gasps for breath, relieved to feel the air rushing back into his lungs.  He takes care to keep his eye on Sebastian and refrain from speaking, as he doesn’t want to provoke another violent outburst if he can help it.  However, Sebastian’s knee is still in a very sensitive area, and Stefano does attempt to inch up the mattress away from it.

 

He has barely moved at all when Sebastian’s hand is on his belly, pressing him into the mattress hard, a mockery of all of the times that Sebastian has touched him there to comfort and heal him.  Sebastian must recognize this too, because he jerks his hand away as though he’s been burned, before glaring down at Stefano.  “Don’t move,” he says, voice low and dangerous.

 

Then the knife is back in play, and Sebastian is trailing it up and down his arms and legs, across his chest and abdomen, never pressing quite hard enough to break the skin, but every second the anticipation grows- the anticipation of that first cut, the sharp, stinging pain that will spread as the knife is dragged through his flesh, the blood that will blossom up from the wound, the knowledge that the one, last person who mattered to him in this world has turned his back on him.

 

Stefano can’t stop himself from shivering even harder as the knife plays across his skin, and he almost wants Sebastian to just get it over with, because there are more emotions than simple fear bubbling up inside of him.  If Sebastian never really trusted him, never really felt anything for him, then Sebastian is as bad as the rest of them.  Sebastian stayed long enough to get what he wanted, to get Lily away from Myra, and now that Stefano has served his purpose, Sebastian will throw him away.  Or worse.

 

Sebastian pulls the knife away from Stefano’s skin and pushes himself off the bed, somehow managing not to crush Stefano’s balls in the process.  He returns to the table.  Stefano’s breaths are coming fast and heavy now, and he isn’t sure how much more of this he can take before he passes out from fear and anticipation and sheer adrenaline.  Sebastian seems to be moving some things around on the table.  He stares down at the table top for a moment, and his shoulders heave before he turns back to Stefano.  In his hands, he holds a hammer and chisel.

 

Any other emotion that Stefano might have been feeling is overwhelmed by a surge of deep, primal fear, because the sight of the implement itself is enough to send his already frayed nerves into overdrive.  He can see the faces of his dead brothers, hear their screams, feel the darkness pressing in around him as he tries to make himself as small as he can inside the closet, sobbing out a prayer that he will wake up, that this will be a nightmare.  And he can actually hear screams, though he is fairly certain they are his own.

 

Sebastian is standing next to the bed now, chisel still in hand, and Stefano can hear his father’s voice calling out to him in the eerie stillness of the house, of that cold, dead place where he was alone and being hunted, and he thrashes away from Sebastian toward the wall.  There is a dull, throbbing pain in his feet and legs, and he is sure that he is battering them in the process, but his muscles and his brain are completely disconnected as the fear surges through him.

 

Somehow, Sebastian’s voice still cuts through everything.  “If you don’t hold still, you’re going to make this much worse than it actually needs to be.”  Even though Sebastian’s voice is still cold and hard, this seems like the most sincere thing Sebastian has said to him since he woke up in this room, but the sight of the chisel removes all rational thought, and he can’t stop thrashing, can’t stop the pleas and sobs and apologies that are coming out of his mouth, because surely there has to be some way to stop this from happening.

 

The next thing he knows, Sebastian has deftly stepped over his left arm onto the mattress above his head, and is now kneeling down between his outstretched arms, one knee landing on each side of Stefano’s head.  Sebastian’s knees press inward, so that Stefano’s head is held securely between them, and as much as he struggles and thrashes and kicks his legs, he can’t move his head at all.

 

“Sebastian, please…” he sobs.  He can feel something wet on his face, knows that tears must be streaming from his good eye by now.  But Sebastian’s face is hard, and he stares down at Stefano impassively as he raises the chisel.  Its reappearance in Stefano’s field of vision triggers a fresh wave of panic, a new bout of violent struggling, but it is no more successful than the previous one.  Sebastian still has his head completely immobilized, and his screams turn into choked gasps as Sebastian sweeps his hair away from the damaged side of his face and places the tip of the chisel just inside his right eye socket.

 

It is his brothers’ screams that he hears and his brothers’ faces that he sees as the first hammer strike drives the chisel down into his skull, although his own screams and the scraping of metal on metal are there as well.  The pain is sharp and it knocks the wind out of him, cuts his screaming off short, and leaves him gasping for breath.  Then Sebastian begins to move the chisel back and forth and the pressure inside his head begins to build and he can’t stop a whimper from escaping him.

 

When the chisel is pulled back out, Stefano uses that moment to catch his breath, to prepare, because Sebastian is placing the tip of the chisel again, lining up for another strike, and when it comes the pain is so intense that it distorts the vision in his good eye, brings back an entirely different memory, one of heat and dust and searing pain in his eye and crying out for help in the dark for hours.  Sebastian twists the chisel, and Stefano can hear metal on metal again, remembers the pain of the shrapnel lodging in his eye, the pain of having the wound debrided over and over again, the time spent in blind solitude, just waiting for more pain.

 

Stefano feels that he could almost return to that state, except that now he can see, can’t look away, has to watch as Sebastian pulls the chisel back again and sets up for a third blow.  His screams have turned into sobs, but his breath still catches and his back arches hard with the white-hot flash of pain as the chisel is forced down into his eye socket again and the sick, empty feeling in his stomach as he remembers a time that Sebastian sat with him in this very room, comforted him, promised not to hurt him.  _Lies, all lies._

 

With one more jerk of the chisel and an electric shock of pain that tears a groan from Stefano’s throat, the pressure is relieved, and Stefano realizes dimly that Sebastian has been prying at the camera apparatus inside his eye socket.  Apparently it is now detached from whatever has been holding it inside his skull, and Sebastian draws it out and drops it on the bed beside him.  There is still pain in his head, but it is slowly subsiding, and Stefano suddenly realizes that Sebastian is also breathing heavily, that there is a tremor in his legs where they rest against the sides of Stefano’s head.  He doesn’t have time to reflect on this before Theodore, or at least Theodore’s voice, is in the cell with them.

 

“You’ve done well, Sebastian,” Theodore says, “but I think he has suffered enough.”

 

Sebastian climbs off of the bed, and as far as Stefano can tell, leaves the room, but he can’t be sure, because the next few minutes are a fractured, disorganized blur of images and sounds.  He can hear Theodore; he can hear his father.  He knows that it takes him several tries to stand without collapsing, but somehow he ends up standing, albeit swaying slightly, fully clothed at the door to Theodore’s stronghold.  The fire outside is gone and the path ahead is clear.

 

He has questions.  He knows he has questions, but his mind is so broken that he can’t organize them into words, and even if he could his throat is raw from screaming.

 

Theodore places a hand on his shoulder.  “Your services are no longer required,” he says.  “Go.”  Theodore gestures to the door.

 

Stefano goes.  He has no destination in mind but away from this place that has brought him so much pain and suffering, away from the men who have violated his mind and his body.  The streets of Union are as empty as he feels on the inside, but still, he goes.

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian knows he doesn’t have time for this, that he needs to rescue Lily, but the guilt he feels for the fates of Stefano and all of the others is like a lead weight in his stomach. He can’t stand. He can’t move. He can only double over on himself and bury his face in his hands and let the tears come, bringing with them loud sobs that rack his entire body. He doesn’t care if Theodore is watching him. He can’t hold this inside him any longer.

 

 

Sebastian’s legs are shaking so hard they can barely support him, and he knows that he is seconds away from collapsing to the floor.  He is somehow back in Theodore’s church-like entry hall, but more importantly he is poised at the crest of a tidal wave of emotion.  When that wave breaks he is going to be utterly lost, but he is determined to do one more thing before that happens.

 

He waits out of sight, behind one of the columns that line the central aisle of the church, and watches as Theodore places a hand on Stefano’s shoulder and speaks to him.  He watches as Stefano turns, his movements almost mechanical, and begins to walk slowly down the steps and out of Sebastian’s field of vision.  Stefano is safe now.  Stefano is outside of Theodore’s sphere of influence, and Sebastian tries to tell himself that’s all that matters.

 

A few seconds later, Theodore comes sweeping by him, pausing to say, “Impressive.  I didn’t think you would actually be able to do it.  Perhaps you and I are more alike than you would care to admit,” before he continues to the door behind the altar and disappears.

 

Sebastian doesn’t have the strength to respond or fight or even to feel angry at Theodore.  He didn’t think he’d actually be able to do it either.  It is one thing to say hypothetically that he would do anything to save Lily or to protect Stefano, but it is quite another to have those convictions put to the test, to have to put a rifle round through O’Neal’s chest, or to turn his back on Hoffman and let her be burned alive, or to drive a chisel into Stefano’s eye socket.  He will do anything to save Lily- that hasn’t changed- but some of things he’s had to do are going to haunt for the rest of his life.

 

He sinks to his knees and lets his head drop forward.  O’Neal is dead.  Torres is dead.  Hoffman is dead.  Sykes has vanished.  Myra is as good as dead if she gets to execute her plan.  And Stefano is… Sebastian’s mind can’t even form the words.  Sebastian was so enraged when Theodore’s men tortured Stefano, in such disbelief that anyone could perform such heartless acts on a fellow human being, and now he’s no better than them.

 

Sebastian leans forward, bracing his hands on the stone floor in front of him, because his chest feels like it’s going to split open, like his emotions might actually tear him apart.  He wishes they would.  He deserves it.

 

He tries to tell himself that Theodore was going to kill Stefano, that Stefano’s eventual death would have been much more horrible, that Stefano would have been cut and burned and beaten and raped for hours and then revived with green gel to start all over again.  But no matter how many times he tells himself, it brings him little comfort.  Sebastian can imagine all of those things happening, but what he actually sees when he closes his eyes is Stefano’s terrified face when he picked up the chisel, what he hears is Stefano’s screams and sobs and pleas for mercy as he drove the tool down into his skull, and what he feels is the horrible scraping of metal on metal as he worked the chisel against the camera apparatus in Stefano’s right eye.

 

That imagery hits him hard, turns his stomach inside out, and he is heaving on the floor of the church.  Nothing but bile is coming up, but he still can’t stop his stomach from contracting.  Whatever is being forced out of his body, it is not enough to remove the images, and Stefano’s face comes up again.  Sebastian can’t forget the look in Stefano’s eye when he first entered the room- the look of hope and relief and affection, and all of those beautiful emotions that are now shattered forever.

 

The situation seems so much more horrible because Stefano did trust him, and they had both worked hard to build that trust.  Sebastian has spent enough time with Stefano and seen enough of his past to know that he has been hurt, certainly by Theodore’s men, probably by someone before that, and Sebastian was determined to be a point of comfort and stability in Stefano’s life, to hold him and protect him, and most importantly, to never hurt him.

 

Sebastian heaves again, bile dripping from his mouth onto the floor, because he remembers how hard Stefano fought once he realized that Sebastian really was going to hurt him, how obviously terrified he was, and the fact that he was the source of that fear and pain is more than Sebastian can bear.

 

He tries to tell himself that he did as little as he possibly could, that Theodore had required him to actually inflict physical harm on Stefano, that his attempts to intimidate Stefano with his words and aggressive displays hadn’t been enough.  Even when he had agreed to do this, he had hoped that somehow he could subvert Theodore’s intentions and manage to alienate Stefano without really hurting him.  But of course, that’s the problem with all of those reassuring touches and kisses and quiet moments in the safe houses.  All of that was working against him, because all of that meant that to truly make Stefano fear him, he had to do something dramatic.

 

And he knows that what he did was dramatic.  He can barely form the words in his head for what he did to Stefano, because his mind recoils each time he gets close to them.  He used what he knew about Stefano’s past to generate a method of torture- he might as well use the word, because that’s what it was- that he knew would send Stefano into an absolute panic, and he did it intentionally.

 

Even now, though, he’s not sure what else he could have done.  He needed Stefano to stop thinking, stop trying to rationalize Sebastian’s actions.  He needed to spare Stefano a longer, more slowly-escalating torture session.  And most importantly, he needed to get out of there before he lost his nerve and dropped the act.  The longer the session went on, the greater the danger that Sebastian would break first and rush to hold Stefano and comfort him, and then everything would be lost.

 

He tries to tell himself that targeting Stefano’s camera eye was the kindest thing he could do under the circumstances, that it did less physical damage than focusing on some other part of Stefano’s body.  And he tries to tell himself that the injury he caused to Stefano’s eye socket was minimal and that it will be easily healed by the syringe he slipped into Stefano’s jacket pocket while Theodore was busy trying to get Stefano to stand up.  But he remembers vividly Stefano’s screams and gasps and the jerky movements of his body, and he knows that it was painful for Stefano, knows that it must have triggered even more painful memories.

 

He tries to tell himself all of these things, but none of it actually makes him feel any better.  The thought of how horrible it must have been for Stefano still makes him sick.  No matter what his brain is trying to tell him, his heart knows that he has done a terrible, unforgivable thing, and Stefano’s face is in his mind again as his chest and throat start to constrict.  He draws a long, shaky breath and tries to get himself under control.

 

Sebastian knows he doesn’t have time for this, that he needs to rescue Lily, but the guilt he feels for the fates of Stefano and all of the others is like a lead weight in his stomach.  He can’t stand.  He can’t move.  He can only double over on himself and bury his face in his hands and let the tears come, bringing with them loud sobs that rack his entire body.  He doesn’t care if Theodore is watching him.  He can’t hold this inside him any longer.

 

As he gasps and sobs and pours his heart out into his hands, he is struck with the memory of standing on the edge of Myra’s vast, white, empty world and taking Stefano’s face in his hands and kissing him.  Kissing Stefano wasn’t just enjoyable for the obvious reasons.  It also gave Sebastian strength and focus when he was preparing to face Myra, grounded him in a world that was constantly shifting and changing, and shows no signs of stabilizing.  He needs that strength and focus now, but he has nowhere to turn.  He is utterly alone, and his body heaves with the exertion of a fresh wave of sobbing.

 

All of Sebastian’s senses are wrapped up in his guilt and his loss and his despair, and he doesn’t hear the approaching footsteps.  The first indication he has that he is no longer alone is a bright flash of blue light.

 

He raises his head quickly to find that he is face to face with Obscura, who clicks her shutter again with another flash of blue light.

 

“Damn it, Obscura!” growls Sebastian, trying to shoo her away with a wave of his hand.  Sebastian isn’t a particularly vain person, but he is sure that it’s not the best time for him to be photographed considering he has been crying his eyes out for the past few minutes.

 

Obscura starts to cautiously back away, when Sebastian suddenly realizes who he is talking to.

 

“Obscura, wait,” he says quickly, trying to make his voice less gruff.  “Can you understand me?”

 

Obscura takes a few steps closer to Sebastian, extending her camera head toward him and moaning softly.  It’s not much of an answer, but apparently it’s all he’s going to get.  He knows that Stefano seems to have conversations with Obscura, but he hasn’t been paying attention closely enough to know whether Obscura is actually contributing to those conversations or whether they are like the one-sided conversations that some people like to have with their pets.

 

Obscura does seem to be attentive to him at any rate.  She looks remarkably unharmed after her fight with the creature in the residential district.  She has a few wounds on her legs, but if she’s made it all the way to Theodore’s stronghold, they can’t be slowing her down too much.  If Stefano were here, he’d be reminding Sebastian that Obscura can take care of herself.  But of course, Stefano isn’t here.  Obscura shifts restlessly, and Sebastian realizes that he’s just been staring at her and that he should probably say something before she gets bored and wanders off.

 

“Can you find Stefano?” he asks her.  “I’m afraid he’s in trouble.”

 

Obscura bobs her head, making a gasping sound, and Sebastian has to smile at that, even if it’s just a little, and even if his heart still feels like it is breaking in his chest.  Obscura doesn’t leave immediately though.  Instead she produces a photograph from a slot on her face, grasps it in her hand, and extends it toward Sebastian.  Sebastian can’t help but feel that she is only using her hand to make him more comfortable, because everything else he has ever seen her do has been accomplished using her feet or her camera.

 

He is still hesitant to get too close to her, and he reaches out his arm slowly, alert for any kind of movement that would suggest an impending attack.  Obscura holds perfectly still until he takes the picture from her, and they both slowly retreat in opposite directions.

 

Obscura seems to be waiting for something, so Sebastian looks at the picture.  He feels a real smile cross his face in spite of himself, because it’s the one of him and Stefano from beside the house in the business district where they were hiding from the harbinger.

 

In the photo, they are both pressed up against the side of the house, so close they are almost touching.  Sebastian appears to be speaking into Stefano’s ear, and even though both of their postures reflect the tension of that situation, the way Stefano is standing in that photo, the closeness he is allowing Sebastian makes Sebastian feel warm on the inside for just a second, before he remembers that he has destroyed all of that.

 

Sebastian recognizes the full impact of what he has done, the true cruelty of what Theodore demanded.  Theodore didn’t ask Sebastian to hurt Stefano or to evoke long-buried and painful memories.  He specifically directed Sebastian to break Stefano’s trust in him, and Sebastian did just that.  Even if they somehow survive this nightmare and get out of STEM, Stefano will never let Sebastian in the same room with him again, much less allow him to touch or hold or kiss him.  Aside from his primary objective, which is to rescue Lily of course, his developing relationship with Stefano is the most important thing to him in this whole situation, and he has utterly destroyed that.  The cold, sick feeling is back in his stomach.

 

He comes out of his own thoughts and realizes that Obscura is still staring at him.  “Thank you,” he says, voice still thick with the congestion in his head from crying.  “Please go and find Stefano.  I’m really worried about him.”  Sebastian points to the door.  “Tell him… tell him I’m sorry.”

 

Even as he says the words, they sound ridiculous to him.  ‘I’m sorry’ is not enough to remedy the pain he has caused Stefano.  Nothing will ever be enough, but he doesn’t know what else to say.

 

Obscura produces an upbeat-sounding moan and scrambles off toward the door.  Sebastian watches her disappear from sight, hoping valiantly that she will be able to find Stefano, that she can protect him until… until what?  Sebastian hasn’t even begun to plan this far ahead, but if he is successful at getting Lily back from Theodore, he will have to somehow convince Stefano to come out of STEM with them.  Otherwise, Stefano will die when Myra destroys Union.  And of course, there is no way that he’ll be able to convince Stefano of anything after what happened in the dungeon.

 

He rests his face in his hands, drawing in a deep breath.  The stone floor is suddenly very hard under his knees, and he still feels like shit- still is shit, because he’s leaving a trail of destruction and bodies and broken people in his wake- but he has to find Lily.  If he doesn’t succeed in getting Lily out, all of these sacrifices will be for nothing.

 

He takes another breath.  O’Neal was corrupted by Theodore and couldn’t have been saved.  Another breath.  Torres and Hoffman sacrificed themselves willingly to make up for their past actions.  Another breath.  Myra developed this plan in the first place, and she will do anything to free Lily from Mobius.  Another breath.  Stefano is hurting, maybe hurting badly, but he is out of Theodore’s realm and his injuries are not serious.

 

He remembers what Hoffman and Stefano have said to him more times than he can count.  He knows that he carries a tremendous burden of guilt with him, one that is crippling him, weighing him down, and preventing him from reaching his goals.  He tells himself that he has done everything he can, and that some of these bad things would have happened regardless of his involvement.  He doesn’t quite believe himself yet, but the guilt is subsiding to a manageable level.  He can still feel it gnawing at his chest, but it isn’t bubbling up into his throat and choking him like it was a few minutes ago.

 

He stands up, dusts himself off, and squares his shoulders.  It’s time to rescue Lily.  He’ll figure out the next step in his plan once he’s done that.  For the first few steps, his feet feel heavier than they’ve ever felt in his life, but he forces himself to continue, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and by the time he reaches the steps leading to the altar, he can feel his resolve coming back.  He can do this.  He must do this.

 

The next room is mercifully empty, but the one beyond that is being patrolled by several of Theodore’s fire disciples.  They aren’t too much of a threat individually, but if they all swarm him at once, Sebastian is sure he’s going to be in a world of trouble.  And of course there’s a lever he needs to pull to open the locked gate in front of the staircase, and of course that lever is on the opposite side of the room from the staircase itself.

 

Sebastian crouches low behind a barrier, assesses the patrol patterns of the fire disciples, and manages to take out the first two or three of them using stealth and his knife.  Unfortunately, he gets a little impatient with his timing when he goes to actually pull the lever, and one of them spots him.  As Sebastian predicted, that guy summons a couple of his friends and they all come pouring into the small room, forcing Sebastian to whip out his shotgun and start blasting away at them, because in such a tight space, he can’t afford to take even one hit.  So much for stealth.

 

Once Sebastian has splattered the fire disciples all over Theodore’s walls and floor, he jogs back to the gate.  It slams shut behind him as soon as he passes through, and he’s heading up the spiral staircase, taking the steps two at a time.  Theodore is spouting some nonsense about controlling Union and Mobius and the world, but Sebastian doesn’t even answer him this time.  Nothing good has ever come of talking to Theodore, in his experience.  If Theodore loves the sound of his own voice so much, let him entertain himself, but Sebastian isn’t giving him the satisfaction of a response.

 

He climbs higher and higher, clearing two more rooms full of enemies before he reaches an elevator shaft with a mirror lying on the ground in front of it.  He jumps in surprise when the mirror breaks, because it’s been so long since he used the mirrors to travel that he’s almost forgotten about them.  His first thought is that he doesn’t have time for any more delays, but he has been burning through a lot of ammo recently, and it seems stupid to pass up a chance to replenish his stock.  With that in mind, he gazes into the mirror and feels himself pulled through space and transported to his room.

 

Sebastian goes straight to the work bench and crafts some shotgun shells, because he is completely out of those.  After a moment’s consideration, he tops off his other ammo reserves as well.  Although he can’t be sure, it seems like things are building to a climax, and this may be his last chance to stock up.

 

Almost as an afterthought, he finds himself striding purposefully down the hall to the old wheelchair.  As he’s here already, he might as well see if Tatiana has any cryptic wisdom for him or any last minute enhancements to offer.  He takes a seat in the chair, and immediately he is back in the safe room at Beacon with Tatiana seated across from him.  She glances up from filing her nails, unsurprised by his sudden appearance.

 

“I feel as though this is the last time we will see each other,” she observes, as nonchalantly as if she is commenting on the weather.

 

“Because I’ll escape from STEM?” Sebastian asks.  “Or because I’ll be dead?”

 

“Either way,” Tatiana says, tucking her nail file into her pocket, “you’ll have no need for me after this.”

 

“That’s not especially comforting,” Sebastian replies.

 

“It’s not my job to comfort you,” Tatiana says mildly.  “It’s my job to tell you what you need to hear.”

 

“Which is what?” Sebastian asks, a little exasperated because he feels like they are talking in circles.

 

“That you cannot accomplish your task alone,” Tatiana says.  “That you must accept help when it is offered or risk losing everything you are fighting for.”

 

“I’ve already tried accepting help,” Sebastian says, heaving a sigh, “and basically everyone who has helped me is dead.”

 

“All the same, you will fail if you insist on doing everything yourself.”  Tatiana sounds more like she is simply stating a fact than trying to convince him of anything.

 

“Fine, I get it,” Sebastian says.  What Tatiana clearly doesn’t know is that there is no one left in STEM to help him.  All of the Mobius team members are dead or missing, and Stefano surely hates him after what he has done.  Like it or not, he’s on his own now.  “Can you do anything to help me?”

 

“Of course I can,” Tatiana says with a mysterious smile.  There is a familiar tingling in his brain, and when Sebastian rises from the wheelchair, he knows that he is as ready as he will ever be to take on Theodore. 

 

He uses the mirror to travel back to Theodore’s realm and enters the elevator, which is an ancient-looking, rusty piece of machinery that Sebastian doesn’t trust at all.  Also, he seems to remember promising himself that if he ever made it out of Beacon, he would never ride in an elevator again.  Unfortunately now he has no choice.  As soon as he steps in, the metal door slams shut and the elevator begins to ascend.

 

“I will give you one final chance,” Theodore’s voice booms from all around him.  “You have proven yourself more than capable by the way you handled Stefano.  Join me, and we will rule this world.”

 

“Never,” Sebastian says.  It violates his new policy of ignoring Theodore, but he doesn’t want to offer even tacit acceptance of Theodore’s plan, and, as sick as he feels about what he did to Stefano, he knows that he is nothing like Theodore.

 

“Then you leave me no choice,” Theodore replies.  “I will dismantle this world.  I will find your wife and I will murder her in front of your daughter, who will suffer dearly at my hands even as I use her power.”

 

“Not if I kill you first,” Sebastian shoots back.

 

“What makes you think this time will be any different?” says Theodore, a mocking tone in his voice.

 

Sebastian doesn’t even have to think about that one.  “I’ll keep coming back until one of us is dead.”

 

“Come to me then.  Let the carnage begin,” says Theodore, just as the elevator grinds to a halt and Sebastian finds himself in the upper part of the room where he once almost strangled Stefano.  Fire blazes behind the cross at the far end of the room, and beyond the cross is a huge set of double doors. 

 

There is no time to waste anymore, so Sebastian jogs to the doors, pulls them open, and steps over the threshold into Theodore’s throne room.  For a split second, he can see Theodore on his throne with Lily beside him.  Then everything is plunged into darkness, and the carnage begins.

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefano glances down at the photo again. Sebastian owes him an explanation, but if his Sebastian is in there somewhere, fighting to save his daughter, then Stefano isn’t going to let him do it alone. More importantly, Theodore is still alive, and Stefano intends to do everything in his power to correct that.

 

 

Stefano finds himself back at the Sanctuary Hotel without actually knowing how he got there or why this was his destination.  The hotel does have such soft, comfortable sofas though, and at the moment his greatest desire is to lie down and sleep for a week, so he goes inside and collapses face down on one of them with his head pillowed on his arms.

 

He shifts his weight almost immediately, because he is lying on something hard, something in the front pocket of his suit jacket that isn’t usually there.  He rolls onto his side and fumbles in his pocket, drawing out the offending object.  He has to stare at it for a moment before he realizes that it is one of those mysterious syringes Sebastian is always carrying around.

 

Sebastian.  He shivers, has to press a hand over the right side of his face in an attempt to quell the dull, throbbing ache in his empty eye socket.  He still doesn’t understand, may never understand what made Sebastian… he can’t even bring himself to think of what Sebastian did.  It is beyond his understanding- the betrayal, the cruelty from a man who has otherwise been so kind to him, a man he trusted.  It hurts, not just where his eye used to be, but in his stomach, in his chest, everywhere that Sebastian touched him so gently while he fed him his lies, pretended to care about him, pretended that Stefano mattered.

 

Stefano is hurt by Sebastian, surely, but he is also disappointed in himself for being taken in again.  He’s been lied to before, many times in fact, but Sebastian so thoroughly disarmed him, just by his very nature.  Stefano had thought Sebastian was an open book, every thought and feeling plainly displayed, but that wasn’t the man he saw in the dungeon.  That wasn’t his Sebastian.

 

Another thought tickles the back of his mind.  He wasn’t able to effectively read Sebastian from the very beginning of that encounter.  In the dungeon, his fear prevented him from reading too much into this, but now that he has time to reflect, it seems important.

 

The moment Sebastian stepped into the room, he was wearing an expression that Stefano had never seen before, and even though he spoke angry words and went through the conscious motions of anger, his unconscious body language wasn’t what Stefano has seen before when Sebastian is angry.  He also hardly made eye contact with Stefano at all, and the more Stefano thinks about it, the more Sebastian’s speech patterns and even some of the words he was using seem to be unusual for him.

 

Which brings him to the syringe that ‘someone’ slipped into his pocket, and the dawning realization that Sebastian may have been putting on some kind of performance, that perhaps Sebastian wasn’t acting of his own free will.

 

Stefano looks at the syringe again.  While he questions the wisdom of injecting oneself with mysterious substances found lying around, he does remember that Sebastian used one on him much earlier, the first time they were in Theodore’s dungeon, and it seemed to help.  Also, at this point, he’s not sure that he much cares whether he lives or dies, so he sits up, unbuttons his suit jacket, and slips one arm out of it.  He eases the needle under his skin, hissing slightly at the sharp sting, and depresses the plunger, then waits.  He can feel a bit of a tingling sensation in his right eye socket and on his legs and feet and wrists, where he has some superficial injuries.

 

When the tingling subsides, the pain in his head his gone, and notes that the marks on his wrists from where they were bound to the bed frame are no longer visible.  Apparently the syringes work like the green gel, though with more of a systemic effect.  Physically, he should be as good as new, but mentally he is still confused and exhausted.

 

Stefano lies back down on the couch, on his back this time, and tries to pick up where his thoughts left off.  If Sebastian wasn’t actually angry at him, why would he have done what he did?  The obvious answer is that he was being manipulated by Theodore, but to what end?  And why did Sebastian’s torture of him take a form that was so specifically tailored to him?  Sebastian knows things about his past that no one else knows, and Sebastian used that information to absolutely terrify him… but why?

 

If Theodore simply didn’t want Sebastian and Stefano to join forces against him, Stefano wonders why Theodore didn’t kill him outright.  There was a period of time before Sebastian arrived when Stefano was unconscious, so he is confident that Theodore could have dispatched him then if that was his intention.  But Theodore didn’t.  Instead, Theodore left him bound and naked in a dungeon cell waiting for Sebastian, exactly has he was when they met in the dungeon the first time.

 

The more that Stefano thinks about it, the more this whole situation has ‘mind game’ written all over it, but he still doesn’t understand the purpose of said mind game.  He is thinking this over carefully, analyzing from every angle what Theodore would have to gain from this, when he hears a tapping at the door.

 

He sits up, eye on the door, and his heart leaps when he sees Obscura peering in at him.  He is off the couch and at the door in a matter of seconds, and as soon as he steps outside, Obscura is pressing close to him, nudging him with her camera head affectionately and making little trilling noises.

 

“Obscura, my dear,” Stefano says with a smile.  “I’m so glad you made it back.”  He looks her up and down, noticing a few minor cuts and bruises, but nothing serious.  “That monster was no match for you, was it?” Stefano asks, affectionately rubbing Obscura’s head while she moans in a way that tells Stefano she is proud of herself.

 

Suddenly, Obscura pulls her head back and produces a photo.  Stefano takes it, preparing to admire and critique Obscura’s work, but what he sees in the picture leaves him speechless.  Sebastian is kneeling on the stone floor of Theodore’s church, shoulders slumped and looking like he has just lifted his head out of his hands.  His eyes are red and puffy, his face is streaked with tears, and his expression is utterly bereft.  There is naked, honest emotion in this image, and Stefano’s heart swells in sympathy, because this is his Sebastian.  This is the real Sebastian.

 

Stefano also realizes, as he gazes at the photo, what Theodore’s intentions likely were in setting up this scenario.  Sebastian’s biggest weakness, besides his lack of self-control, is the guilt that he carries around with him, and if the picture he is looking at is any indication, Sebastian is feeling that guilt intensely now.  He still isn’t sure how Theodore persuaded Sebastian to go along with his plan, but he is fairly confident that the ultimate goal was to separate them and also add weight to Sebastian’s burden of guilt.

 

And now, Sebastian is going on to rescue Lily, still weighed down by this tremendous burden.  Stefano glances down at the photo again.  Sebastian owes him an explanation, but if his Sebastian is in there somewhere, fighting to save his daughter, then Stefano isn’t going to let him do it alone.  More importantly, Theodore is still alive, and Stefano intends to do everything in his power to correct that.

 

“Obscura,” he says, and she immediately snaps to attention.  “Let’s go.”

 

The main street of the business district is fortunately devoid of monsters and fire, and Stefano and Obscura are back at the steps to Theodore’s stronghold in a matter of minutes.  Stefano is aware that his marker will make him highly visible to Theodore, but that can’t be helped.  Hopefully, Theodore is too busy with Sebastian to notice him.

 

Stefano can feel the electric pull of Lily’s power as soon as he steps into the building, and in a matter of seconds, he has formulated his plan.  He needs to reach Lily before he can do anything else, and he can tell from her energy that she is on one of the upper floors.  He and Obscura pass through the church, through the next room with its empty elevator shaft, and through a room the size of a warehouse full of dead fire disciples before they find the staircase.  Seeing the fire disciples lying on the floor in steaming puddles of molten flesh gives Stefano a bit of reassurance that Sebastian has been here.

 

He continues the arduous climb, staircase after staircase, room after room, all of them full of dead enemies, until finally he reaches Theodore’s throne room at the top of the stronghold.  Stefano peeks through the doors, which are slightly ajar, and spots Theodore, who is pacing around the room, his head turning back and forth as though he is watching an invisible tennis match.  Lily sits on the floor beside Theodore’s throne, looking even more small and scared than before.  Her eyes follow Theodore’s gaze, and Stefano imagines that they must be watching Sebastian in whatever parallel dimension Theodore has banished him to.

 

“Stay here,” he mouths, holding his hand up, palm facing Obscura, who bobs her head obediently.  Stefano is relieved that she seems to appreciate that now is not the time for a display of loud moaning.

 

Stefano turns back to the door and waits until Theodore has his back to Lily and seems to be thoroughly engrossed in whatever he is watching.  Stefano carefully bends space, phases right behind Lily, who doesn’t even flinch.

 

“I saw you coming,” she whispers.  “I have to help my Dad, but I don’t know what to do.”

 

“That’s alright,” Stefano whispers back.  “Can you imagine a place that is safe?  That Theodore can’t get into?  A place just for you and me and your father.”

 

Of course she can, Stefano thinks, as Lily’s bedroom materializes around them.  Lily is the most powerful one in all of STEM, hampered only by her lack of awareness of that power and her inexperience in using it voluntarily.

 

“I did it!” Lily says breathlessly, looking around the room.  It’s an accurate recreation of her bedroom, at least from what Stefano can remember.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, a bit breathless himself because the exercise of Lily’s power fills him with excitement, with the need to create.  Even when he is not the one wielding the power, he can feel it buzzing in the air all around him, setting him on edge, and he has to take a deep breath to resist tapping into it himself.  “You’ve done very well.  Now, can you make a sign for your father so he knows how to get here?”

 

Lily nods eagerly, a smile spreading across her face, and Stefano realizes that she is probably feeling her own power, maybe for the first time.  Hopefully she’ll be able to control herself better than Theodore or Myra or Stefano himself when they were in control of it.  After a few seconds, she looks back at Stefano.  “Okay.  What do we do now?”

 

“We wait,” Stefano says, “and we hope that your father can make it here.”  Stefano is certain that Theodore has already figured out what has happened.  He most likely figured it out an instant after Lily made this room while his back was turned, and he must be furious now.  Stefano frowns as he realizes that Theodore is likely to take his anger out on Sebastian, but that can’t be helped.  He isn’t going to risk Lily’s safety by allowing her to leave this room.

 

Lily doesn’t look thrilled with the idea of waiting, but Stefano supposes that most ten-year-olds don’t excel at patience.  He looks around the room for something to distract her, and his gaze falls on the bookshelf.  “Would you like me to read to you while you wait?”

 

Lily rolls her eyes.  “I can read, you know,” she says, sounding more than a little annoyed.

 

“Very well,” Stefano answers.  “Then would you like to read to me?”

 

“Okay,” Lily says with a smile.  “Sit down.”  She points to the bed.  Stefano does as he is told, crossing one leg over the other.  In just a few moments, Lily is next to him, holding a book that probably weighs nearly as much as she does.  Stefano takes it from her for a moment so that she can scramble up onto the bed next to him.  The book is a treasury of Greek myths, and Stefano is pleasantly surprised by Lily’s taste in literature.  Once Lily has arranged herself cross-legged on the bed, Stefano hands the book back to her.  She opens it, turning the pages purposefully, until she settles on one and begins to read aloud.

 

Stefano allows his mind to wander a bit as Lily reads.  Here, in Lily’s bedroom, with the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the windows, it is hard to imagine the tempest that must be raging just outside the door.  Even though Lily has temporarily hidden herself from Theodore, he must know that she is still nearby.  They need to get her away from him as quickly as possible, because if Theodore gets his hands on Lily again, he will abandon his mind games and simply obliterate Sebastian and Stefano and probably all of Union.

 

“Hey!” Lily pokes him in the leg.  “Are you even paying attention?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano replies smoothly.

 

“Then why did Persephone have to go back to the Underworld every year?” Lily asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

 

“Because she ate the seeds of the pomegranate that was given to her by Hades,” Stefano replies, quite relieved that he knows this story rather well, because he didn’t realize there was going to be a test.  “And her mother Demeter is so overcome with grief each time she must leave that nothing will grow on the earth until Persephone returns.”

 

Lily looks suitably impressed.  She looks back down at the book, then quickly up at Stefano again.

 

“What about Persephone’s dad?” She asks.

 

Stefano fumbles with that one for a moment, before realizing that Persephone’s father must be Zeus, because Zeus is literally everyone’s father in Greek mythology.  “What about him?” Stefano asks.

 

“What did he do?  Did he try to rescue her?” Lily persists.

 

Stefano wants to reply that he probably ran off and fathered several more children with different women, but Lily is ten years old and in the body of a five year old and Stefano just doesn’t think that would be an appropriate response.

 

“I think he was the one who ordered Hades to release her in the first place,” Stefano replies, casting about in his mind for how exactly Zeus figured into this story.  “But even he couldn’t help her after she had eaten the pomegranate seeds.”

 

“Oh,” Lily says frowning slightly, before she turns her attention back to the book and begins to read aloud again.  Stefano listens politely for a few more minutes, considering how lucky Lily is that Sebastian is her father, because he knows Sebastian will stop at nothing to get her out of STEM.

 

Suddenly, Lily stops in the middle of a sentence, her eyes fixed on the door to the room.  Stefano hears footsteps outside just a moment before the door opens.

 

Sebastian steps into the room, looking a little the worse for wear.  His face and clothing are splattered with blood, and he exudes a sort of grim determination and a weariness that Stefano is sure has been building up since he first entered STEM.  His expression changes completely when he sees Lily, who utters a little shriek of delight, drops the book on the bed, and springs to the floor to hurl herself at Sebastian.

 

Sebastian drops to his knees, arms outstretched, and Lily wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face in his shoulder.

 

“Dad?” her voice is muffled.  “It’s really you?”

 

“Yes, sweetie,” Sebastian says, eyes squeezed tightly shut as he wraps his arms around Lily, turning his face to press a kiss to her hair.  “I’m here.  I’m not going to leave you ever again.”

 

Stefano is starting to wonder if he should even be here to witness this scene when Sebastian opens his eyes, and his head snaps up as he seems to see Stefano for the first time.  His mouth drops open for a moment, before he extends a hand, reaching out toward Stefano in a silent plea.

 

Stefano does have reservations, of course, and questions for Sebastian, but now is not the time for those, and he rises from the bed, crosses the room to Sebastian and takes his hand.  Sebastian gently tugs him down until he is also kneeling on the floor, then urges him closer, shifting Lily to one side so that he can hug both of them at once.

 

Sebastian’s arm is around his waist and Sebastian’s mouth is next to his ear, and Sebastian is whispering a stream of apologies and nonsense and sobbing uncontrollably, but at least Stefano is sure that this is his Sebastian again.

 

“I’m so sorry, Stefano, oh my god, you must have been so scared, and I thought I’d never see you again, and it’s fine if you hate me, just please come out of STEM with us, Stefano, I can’t-”

 

“Shhh,” Stefano whispers back.  “That’s enough Sebastian.  Now is not the time.”  He rubs Sebastian’s back cautiously, unsure if Sebastian has injuries under his clothing, but Sebastian only sobs harder, his body jerking against Stefano.  Lily pulls back a little to look at Sebastian with her brow furrowed in concern.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano reassures Lily.  “Your father has been through a lot recently.  He’ll be alright in a moment.”

 

Lily nods and embraces Sebastian again.  Sebastian has stopped trying to speak now and is just sobbing and sniffling and pressing his face into Stefano’s neck, and Stefano simply waits, lets him get it all out.  After a few minutes, his breaths become slower, more even.  His shoulders are still heaving, but he seems to be regaining control, and he pulls back to look at Stefano.  Sebastian’s face calls to mind the picture Obscura took of him.  He looks empty, like a shell of the man he once was.

 

“Why did you come back?” Sebastian asks.  “After what I did to you, why would you ever…”

 

“I was… suspicious, even at the time,” Stefano says, glancing over at Lily, because she is watching him and he’s not sure how much of this he should say in front of her.  “And then, I found the syringe in my pocket, and Obscura showed me a photograph of you, and-”.  He sighs.  “I still don’t understand, but I believe there is more to the story than I know.”

 

Sebastian nods. “There is more,” he says, voice thick from crying, “but it’s not going to make it okay.  Nothing could ever make it okay.”

 

“It will probably take some time,” Stefano concedes, because trusting people doesn’t come naturally to him.  Even if he ultimately believes that Sebastian had a reason for what he did, what happened in the dungeon has shaken the foundation of that trust.  “We don’t have time now for a long story, but what did he tell you?”

 

Sebastian leans in to murmur into his ear as Lily looks on with interest.  “That he would only let you go if I could make you fear me or make you hate me.  That if I couldn’t do it, he would send his men again, and they would-”.  Sebastian’s voice breaks, and he drops his head to Stefano’s shoulder.  Stefano holds him close, rubbing his back.  He turns his face to kiss the top of Sebastian’s head.

 

For Stefano, that is the last piece of the puzzle.  Of course Sebastian would take drastic action if he believed it was necessary to save Stefano’s life, and of course Theodore would play on that to make Sebastian do something that he would regret, that would cripple him under the burden of his own guilt.  

 

And if Sebastian’s goal was to break Stefano’s trust in him, then Stefano can even understand why Sebastian did what he did.  This knowledge doesn’t make it any less terrifying, and he still can’t think about it without his whole body shaking, but he has to acknowledge that Sebastian’s actions were carefully crafted to have the maximum impact on his relationship with Sebastian while doing the minimum of physical damage.

 

Certainly, the removal of his camera eye had been painful and frightening, but Sebastian specifically chose to target something that was not a natural part of his body, that could be detached without excessive damage or bleeding, and he’s now realizing that the reason Sebastian was holding his head so securely was probably to prevent him from thrashing and causing Sebastian to inadvertently inflict some other injury on him.

 

“It’s alright,” he murmurs into Sebastian’s hair.  “I forgive you.”  Stefano himself doesn’t understand the significance of a complex and troublesome feeling like forgiveness, but after what happened with Torres, he knows that it is an important concept for Sebastian, and Sebastian needs to shed his guilt in order to keep moving forward.

 

“What?” Sebastian raises his head, eyes searching Stefano’s face.  “But I don’t deserve to be forgiven.  What I did was-”

 

“What you did was what you had to do to protect me and get closer to Lily,” Stefano says.  “Besides, it is not your decision.  I am forgiving you.”

 

Sebastian’s mouth twists a little, and he would probably be smiling if they weren’t in the situation they are in, which reminds Stefano that they probably need to get going and take the next step to get Lily out of STEM.

 

“I know what we need to do to defeat Theodore,” Stefano says, letting his arm drop to his side.

 

Sebastian eyes him warily.  “Remember what happened the last time we used one of your plans?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, a little irritated.  “We had Lily with us, and we defeated one of our major threats.  I can’t be held responsible for what happened next.”

 

“Of course not,” Sebastian says quickly, and then his face falls.  “You know I didn’t mean any of that, right?  It was part of the act.  I didn’t believe it.”

 

“I suspected as much,” says Stefano.

 

“But,” Sebastian continues, “the last plan ended up putting you and Lily in danger, and I won’t do that again.”

 

“We are all in danger as long as we are in STEM,” Stefano says.  “What we need to do now is to get as many of us out as we can as quickly as possible.”

 

“Okay, tell me the plan,” Sebastian sighs, “but I already don’t like the sound of it.”  He releases Stefano, grabs Lily in both arms and stands up, holding her against his body.  Lily, for her part, seems content to hide her face in Sebastian’s chest and hold on for dear life.

 

Stefano stands as well and begins to explain.  “Theodore, like Myra, is using Lily to amplify his power.”  Sebastian nods, and Stefano continues, “So I would propose that our best chance of defeating Theodore is to get Lily outside the scope of his influence, as we did with Myra.”

 

“And we’re going to have to split up again to do that, aren’t we?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “I would engage Theodore while you take Lily out of his domain, and then hopefully out of STEM.”

 

“No,” Sebastian says flatly.  “Unacceptable. I am not leaving you behind.”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano sighs, “you’ve been fighting Theodore for how long?”

 

“Can’t be sure,” Sebastian replies.  “Feels like hours.”

 

Stefano is fairly confident that it’s been more like an hour at most, but Sebastian’s answer is helping him make his point.  “And have you made any headway?”

 

“Not that I can tell,” Sebastian says.  “I just keep fighting the same monsters from Beacon.  It’s like I’m stuck in an endless loop of my past.  Except the monsters keep coming, and I’m just so tired,” he groans.

 

“Exactly,” Stefano says.  “Theodore knows that you will never give up, that as long as there is breath in your body you will keep fighting to save Lily.  But he also knows that, with Lily’s power, his stamina is much greater than yours.  He will simply keep sending monsters after you until he wears you down, until you make a mistake.  That’s how Theodore operates.  He will never get his hands dirty if he can help it.  You will never get an opportunity to actually fight Theodore himself.”

 

Sebastian is nodding his head, but his mouth is set in a tight line.  “And if I decide to go along with this, how are you going to take on Theodore?  You don’t have your camera anymore.  Are your powers and a knife really going to be enough?”

 

“I have Obscura with me,” Stefano says simply.

 

“Well, that’ll help,” Sebastian says, “but I still don’t like this.  Let’s say you do defeat Theodore.  What then?  How are you going to get out of STEM?”

 

“How are you and Lily going to get out of STEM?” Stefano asks pointedly, because as far as he knows, no one has actually made it that far in the plan yet.

 

“I’ll call Kidman once we’re out of Theodore’s stronghold,” Sebastian says.  “She’s supposed to be able to tell me the next step once I have Lily with me.”

 

“And you trust this… Kidman?” Stefano asks, because the way Kidman seems to be withholding information is rather suspicious.

 

“No,” Sebastian replies, “but I don’t have many options.  She’s the only one on the outside who was in on Myra’s plan, and she’s the only one who might be able to help us get Lily out.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano says.  “I’m sure I will be able to pick Lily out on the map if she is still in STEM.  Her energy is very strong.  I’ll follow you.”

 

Sebastian frowns, steps toward Stefano, and reaches out a hand to his shoulder.  Stefano tries to suppress an instinctive flinch away from Sebastian, but apparently he is not very successful, because Sebastian freezes with his hand in midair.  He looks devastated.

 

Stefano catches Sebastian’s hand and brings it to his shoulder, smiling reassuringly even though his heart is beating a little faster.  “It will take time,” he says simply.

 

There is still pain etched onto Sebastian’s features, but he seems to collect himself.  “I’m not sure how long we’ll be able to wait inside STEM,” he says haltingly.  “Myra has a plan to destroy Mobius, but it’s also going to destroy Union, and she needs to put it into action before things get too much more unstable here.”

 

Stefano nods.  “Then I trust that when that time comes, you will get yourself and Lily to safety even if I haven’t returned.”

 

Stefano is sure that Sebastian will do what he must to protect Lily, but he can’t rule out the possibility of Sebastian taking some ridiculous risk with his own life.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, stepping closer and wrapping an arm around Sebastian’s waist, because Sebastian looks like he’s about to cry again.

 

Sebastian sniffles a little and cautiously lets his hand slide around to Stefano’s upper back as he says, “If you’re trying to redeem yourself, this might be going overboard.”

 

Stefano smiles, because as much as he seeks Sebastian’s approval, redemption, like forgiveness, is not a driving force in his life.  “It’s not about redemption,” he says.  “It’s about revenge.  I cannot leave this place until Theodore is dead.”

 

“Theodore will die along with all of the other Mobius employees when Myra carries out her plan,” Sebastian points out.

 

The mere knowledge that Theodore is dead will not be enough.  Stefano knows that.  He isn’t sure whether Sebastian is capable of understanding the difference, but he attempts to explain.  “It is not just that he needs to die.  I need to see it.  I need to watch the light fade from his eyes, watch him draw his last breath, watch-”

 

“Okay, okay,” Sebastian says, shifting uncomfortably, and Stefano realizes that Lily is now staring at him, looking slightly alarmed.  “After everything Theodore’s done to you, I guess I understand.  If that’s what you need to do, then we’ll do this your way.”

 

“Lily,” Stefano says, “can you make a path to the exit?  To back outside in Union?”

 

“Yes,” Lily says eagerly.  Stefano feels her power pulse in the air all around them, and when he turns to look over his shoulder, there is a new door in the wall behind him.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says.  “I know it’s important to you to get your revenge on Theodore, but… you’ve also become… kind of important to me.” Sebastian smiles and glances down at the floor, before looking back up into Stefano’s eye.  “Just be careful and make sure you get back in time, okay?”

 

Stefano presses closer, body flush to Sebastian’s side and mouth just a few inches from Sebastian’s ear.  “You are quite important to me as well,” he whispers, because he may very well die fighting Theodore, and this doesn’t seem like the time to hold anything back.  “I will do my best.”

 

He begins to pull back and step away, but Sebastian’s arm tightens around his shoulders and Sebastian is turning his head so that he can whisper in Stefano’s ear.  “I’m sorry, and I know I have no right to ask you for anything right now, but would it be alright if I kissed you?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says with a smile, because it is such a tremendous relief to have his Sebastian back.  Then Sebastian’s mouth is on his, and the kiss is sweet and slow and so comfortable that Stefano experiences a brief flash of what life could be like if they can all get out of STEM together.  When he pulls back, there is a sense of loss, of emptiness, and he finds himself hoping desperately that this won’t be the last time he kisses Sebastian.  Lily is looking at them both in confusion, but this is really not the time to try to explain any of this to her.

 

“Take care,” Stefano says, and Sebastian nods.  “I’ll be right behind you.”

 

Sebastian nods again and shifts Lily in his arms, looking like he can’t quite bring himself to speak, and they exit the room through opposite doors.

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefano can tell, from the very second he steps through the door and leaves Lily’s room, that Theodore is furious. This in itself is not particularly surprising. Theodore has had Lily snatched away from under his nose, after all. But Theodore is normally very calm and calculating, biding his time and luring his victims into his web of lies. At the moment, however, Theodore seems to have come slightly unhinged, because the atmosphere outside of Lily’s room can best be described as chaotic.

 

 

Sebastian doesn’t look back as he steps through the door and it closes behind him.  If he looks back, he will lose his nerve, and he will beg Stefano to forget about Theodore and come with them out of STEM, and that will be a disaster.

 

For one thing, Stefano deserves a chance to destroy Theodore.  Hell, as far as Sebastian is concerned, Stefano deserves whatever he wants after everything he’s had to endure, and the death of the man responsible for all of his suffering seems like a pretty reasonable thing to want.  For another, this seems like exactly the kind of situation Tatiana was referring to when she said that he would need to accept help in order to get Lily out of STEM.  And finally, Stefano’s suggestions so far have generally accomplished their intended purpose, even if they do sometimes create new problems.

 

The hallway that stretches out in front of Sebastian looks like the upstairs hallway in the house where he used to live with Lily and Myra, but it’s been elongated, and it stretches so far ahead of him that Sebastian can’t see the end of it.

 

“Lily?” Sebastian says quietly, turning his head slightly to speak close to her ear, because he has the bizarre impression that Theodore might overhear him if he speaks too loudly.  “Is this the way out?”

 

Lily shifts in his arms, turning to look ahead of them.  “Yes,” she replies.  “Just keep walking down this hall.  It leads back to Union.”

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says, and he begins to stride purposefully down the hall, because if he really is about to get Lily out of Theodore’s realm and then out of STEM, there is not a moment to waste.

 

Lily sighs, wraps her arms around Sebastian’s neck and rests her head on his shoulder.  Even after five years apart, carrying her like this feels like the most natural thing in the world.  “I missed you, Dad,” she says, sounding a little sleepy.

 

“I missed you too, sweetheart,” he says, reaching up with his free hand to ruffle her hair.

 

“Mom told me you were dead,” Lily continues.  “I was so surprised when I first saw you in Union, but I knew who you were right away.”

 

“Mom was trying to protect you,” Sebastian says, remember what Hoffman told him.  “She had to tell some lies to keep you safe.”

 

“I know,” Lily replies simply.  “I couldn’t remember everything before, but I know this isn’t really my home.  And I know Mom was acting strange.”  She yawns.

 

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Sebastian says, realizing that Lily has probably been exposed to all of the horrible things inside STEM, at least to some degree.  “Being here in Union… it changes people.  And sometimes that can be really scary.”

 

“Mmmhmm,” Lily says.  “Father Theodore was really scary.  And Mom was scary when she wasn’t acting like Mom.”  Lily shivers against him, and Sebastian places his free hand on her back.

 

“What about Mr. Valentini?” Sebastian asks.  He was surprised to see Lily and Stefano sitting so comfortably together in Lily’s room.  Clearly something must have changed since the last time they met.

 

“He scared me the first time,” Lily says.  “But after Mom came and got me, I saw him helping you.”

 

“How did you see that?” Sebastian asks, genuinely curious.

 

“I can see anything that happens in Union,” Lily answers, yawning again.  “I was watching you a lot.”

 

Sebastian considers asking Lily exactly what she saw of him and Stefano, but thinks better of it.  This is probably not the time for that discussion.  Lily needs to stay calm and focused to keep their exit path secure from Theodore.  Sebastian can now see a door at the end of the hall, but it still looks far away.

 

“Theodore is angry,” Lily murmurs, her voice so soft that Sebastian almost misses her words.  “I hope Mr. Valentini will be okay.”

 

“I hope so too,” Sebastian says.  Truth be told, he is very worried about Stefano.  Even without Lily, Theodore is extremely powerful.  In the real world, he may have been very persuasive and an excellent public speaker, but STEM has warped his abilities almost to the point of mind control.

 

What’s worse, Sebastian knows that Stefano is at least somewhat susceptible to Theodore’s influence, because Theodore convinced Stefano to work for him in the first place, and Stefano doesn’t strike Sebastian as the type of person who obeys just anyone.  Theodore knows what to say to Stefano to manipulate him, and Sebastian can only hope that Stefano will see through Theodore’s deceptions this time.

 

Sebastian finally reaches the door and opens it.  He finds himself looking out into the deserted main street of the Union business district near the Sanctuary hotel.  The heat and the crackling of flames from behind him tell him that Theodore’s wall of fire has reappeared, probably in an attempt to thwart their escape.  Hopefully Stefano can keep Theodore busy enough that Sebastian and Lily won’t face any further obstacles from him, but Sebastian’s primary concern at the moment is what exactly he is supposed to do next.  He heads for the hotel to take cover while he contacts Kidman for an update.

 

 

 

 

Stefano can tell, from the very second he steps through the door and leaves Lily’s room, that Theodore is furious.  This in itself is not particularly surprising.  Theodore has had Lily snatched away from under his nose, after all.  But Theodore is normally very calm and calculating, biding his time and luring his victims into his web of lies.  At the moment, however, Theodore seems to have come slightly unhinged, because the atmosphere outside of Lily’s room can best be described as chaotic.

 

Stefano is standing ankle-deep in blood, and the sky above him is burning.  There is fire on every horizon that he can see, but shapes are shifting and moving around inside the circle of flames.  Some of them look like the Lost that he and Sebastian have been fighting, but some of them are new.

 

He can see a large, humanoid creature with a metal box for a head and an enormous hammer, and another one wearing a leather mask and wielding a chainsaw, and a kind of spider-woman with long flowing hair who crawls along the ground.  Stefano is wondering where Theodore comes up with these creatures when he spots not-Joseph and realizes that at least some of them probably come from Sebastian’s memories.

 

Stefano also knows the exact moment that Theodore becomes aware of him, because the environment around him begins to rearrange itself until he is in his bedroom at his family home in Florence.  His brothers are there, pale and unmoving in their beds, faces marred by deep puncture wounds, and Stefano can hear the sound of heavy, metallic footsteps in the hall.

 

“Stefano…” the eerie voice calls out, and the twisted blend of his father’s voice and the grinding of machinery and distorted static makes his skin crawl.  The footsteps are getting closer to the door.

 

Stefano knows that this is one of Theodore’s mind games, but the imagery- the sights, the sounds, the smell of clean linens and fresh blood- touches him on a visceral level, makes his body shake and his legs feel weak.  He tells himself that none of this is real, but he can’t make himself believe it.

 

The footsteps stop outside the door, which slowly begins to open.  For just a moment, Stefano sees his father silhouetted in the open door, before the monster from his nightmares is stalking into the room on its chisel-like feet.  Moonlight glints off of its body, the highly-polished wood and the metal gears and other moving parts, and it swings its head in an arc from side to side before focusing in on Stefano.

 

“Stefano,” the creature grinds and rasps, taking another step toward him.  Stefano knows that he needs to do something, knows that somewhere behind all of this is Theodore, but in that moment, he is the terrified eight-year-old boy who hid in the closet and fled from the house while these horrible, violent events were playing out.  He is paralyzed, rooted to the spot, and he can only think of one possible source of help.

 

“Obscura,” he whispers, and suddenly, she is by his side, moaning as she steps forward to place herself between him and the monster.

 

Obscura’s shutter clicks and her flash goes off, and the creature isn’t trapped in a blue box, but something much more important happens.  In the flash of blue light from Obscura’s camera, Stefano can see past the illusion Theodore is creating.  He can see Theodore’s throne room, can see Theodore himself, and with knowledge of Theodore’s position, it is so simple for Stefano to phase right up to him and plunge his knife into Theodore’s chest.

 

Theodore, caught by surprise, doesn’t react quickly enough, and Stefano lands two more stabs before springing back and phasing away.  He lands, knife still in hand and ready to strike, but Theodore has disappeared of course.  Stefano braces himself for Theodore’s next attack.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian enters the Sanctuary Hotel, does a quick visual scan for threats, and sees none.  He sets Lily down on one of the couches in the lobby and takes his communicator from his belt.

 

“Kidman?” Sebastian says into the communicator.

 

“I’m here,” Kidman replies.  “How are you holding up?”

 

“Still in one piece,” answers Sebastian.  “And I’ve got Lily with me now, so I’m ready for those ‘further instructions’ you keep talking about.”

 

“Right,” Kidman says, and suddenly it sounds like she is whispering into the communicator.  “You and Lily will need to get to your room.”

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says.  “And you’ll be able to extract us from there.”

 

“Yes,” Kidman says, and again, her voice is hushed.  Then after a pause, she asks, “What happened with Myra?”

 

“She’s… closer to herself than she’s been in a while,” Sebastian says.  “And she told me about the final step in the plan.  Apparently she’s waiting for a signal from you to execute it.”

 

“Right,” Kidman replies, “and I’m not going to give that signal until you and Lily are out of STEM.”

 

“We’re also waiting for Stefano,” Sebastian says.

 

Several seconds pass in complete silence before Kidman speaks, her voice flat.  “Get to your room where we can talk more freely.  Then we can talk about Stefano.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t understand why they would be able to speak more freely when he is in his room, but Kidman has been squirrely about giving out information from the beginning, so her request seems to be in keeping with what she has asked of him so far.  He replaces the communicator on his belt and turns to Lily.

 

“Lily,” Sebastian says.  “You made that sign, right?  The one that helped me find your room?”

 

“Yes,” Lily says brightly.  “It was Mr. Valentini’s idea, but I made it.”

 

“Can you make another one for Mr. Valentini?” Sebastian asks, because he can’t think of any other way to reliably communicate with Stefano to tell him where they’ve gone.

 

“Of course I can,” Lily replies.  “It’s easy.”

 

Sebastian picks her up again and carries her out to the street just in front of the hotel.

 

“How about right here?” he suggests.

 

“Okay,” Lily says.  “He’ll definitely see it.  What should it say?”

 

“Tell him to go to the mirror,” Sebastian says.  “He’ll know what it means.”

 

Lily nods, and the words appear on the street in front of them, glowing orange letters in a childlike hand, the same ones that Sebastian saw when he was fighting his way through hordes of Theodore’s monsters.  To Sebastian, those letters meant safety, respite, and a chance at escape.  He hopes they will have the same effect on Stefano, because even if Stefano gets out of Theodore’s realm alive, he’s going to be in bad shape.

 

The part of Sebastian that wants to go back for Stefano forces him to turn and gaze up at the stronghold one last time, but he knows what he has to do.  This is Stefano’s battle.  His job is to get Lily out of here.

 

 

 

 

Stefano jumps as an explosion shakes the ground under him, and he is choking on the dust, pain ripping through his skull.  He drops to one knee, hand pressed over his right eye.  He can hear someone shouting orders in the distance, gunfire, the screams of the dying men around him, and somehow, the beating of his own heart as it forces blood out from between his fingers.

 

The pain is vivid, as real as it was the day he actually lost his eye, and Stefano is momentarily lost, disoriented in space and time and purpose.  He knows only pain and the dust in his nose and mouth and the cacophony of noise assaulting his ears.  But then, he hears a moan just beside him- not the moan of one of the dying men, but a higher pitched sound, almost inquisitive.

 

“Obscura,” he whispers, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, because he knows what is going to happen next.  He fights through the pain, rises to his feet, and forces his eyes open, because he is not going to miss his chance to attack Theodore again.

 

Obscura’s shutter clicks, and in the flash of blue light that banishes Theodore’s illusion, Stefano spots Theodore again.  He phases right up to him, delivers three more brutal stabs to his torso, and phases away to prepare for whatever Theodore can come up with next. 

 

Stefano isn’t sure how much damage he is actually doing, or how powerful Theodore is now, or how long it is going to take to destroy Theodore using this method, but chipping away at Theodore’s strength with his knife seems to be his only viable option.  While Obscura’s ability to reveal the reality behind Theodore’s illusions is incredibly helpful, she can’t move fast enough to actually attack Theodore before he phases to another part of the room.  Stefano is getting in a few stabs each time, and he hopes that it will be enough to make a dent in Theodore’s stamina before Stefano exhausts himself.

 

He takes some satisfaction in knowing that at least he is truly attacking Theodore and not getting bogged down trying to fight his illusions, which is clearly what Theodore intends to happen.  He has always felt that the way to see the world as it is, or at least, the way for him to see the world as it is, is through the lens of the camera, and in this case, that seems to be particularly apt.  The room has gone completely dark now, but he reaches out, touches Obscura, just to confirm that she is still close by, because he is sure Theodore has at least a few more memories to put him through and a few more monsters for him to face.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian shifts Lily in his arms and heads down the street to Sykes’ safe house.  Even the business district seems to be falling apart now.  Buildings that were intact the last time Sebastian was here are now split in two, chunks of earth are dangling in space, cars and fences are standing on end, and half of the environment is still on fire.  Fortunately, the remaining harbinger in the area doesn’t seem to be around, and they reach the safe house without incident.  Sebastian takes Lily inside and goes straight to the mirror in the back room.

 

 

“Hold on tight, sweetie,” he tells Lily, and he feels her tighten her grip on his neck.  He stares into the broken mirror and feels them being pulled through space.  When his feet touch the ground again, he’s in his office, but things seem to have changed here as well.  There are cracks in the ceiling and the walls, and everything is covered in a thin layer of dust and plaster.  Even as he walks into the main room of the office, a tremor shakes the floor beneath them.

 

Lily looks around.  “How are we going to get out?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian answers truthfully.  “I have to call Kidman again.”

 

“Wait!” Lily says quickly, pushing back from Sebastian so that she can look him in the face.  “What about Mom?”

 

Sebastian sighs, because he was hoping to avoid this conversation until after the fact.  He’s not sure he is strong enough to have it.  “Mom can’t come with us.”

 

Tears are forming in Lily’s eyes, and she is staring at him in disbelief.

 

“Remember when Mom was acting different?” Sebastian asks, hoping this will make some kind of sense to Lily.

 

Lily nods.

 

“Mom changed too much, and now she can’t change back,” Sebastian says.  “Also, she has one more thing she needs to do to keep you safe.”

 

“So we won’t see her again?” Lily asks, tears running down her face now.

 

“No, sweetie,” Sebastian says, kissing her on the forehead.  “But Mom would do anything to keep you safe.  We have to let her do this.”

 

Lily sniffles, but nods her head.  “Can you wait for me to say goodbye to her?”

 

“What?” Sebastian says, caught off guard.  “How can you-”

 

“Just wait,” Lily says, and she closes her eyes and rests her head on his shoulder.  Her body goes perfectly still, but he can feel her breath against his neck, realizes she is whispering words that he can’t quite make out.

 

Sebastian waits, because he doesn’t understand how Lily’s powers work, and she may actually be talking to Myra.  He hopes she is talking to Myra.  Having to leave her mother in STEM is going to be terrible no matter what, but it may help Lily to have a chance to say goodbye, to know that Myra loves her, and to understand that this is Myra’s choice.

 

Lily’s shoulders begin to shake, and Sebastian realizes that she is crying again.  He doesn’t want to touch her though, in case that interrupts her connection with Myra, so he waits until she raises her head and looks at him, eyes red and face tear-stained.

 

“You’ve been so brave,” Sebastian says, momentarily in awe of how strong Lily is in the face of everything she has had to endure.

 

“Like Mom,” Lily says, smiling sadly.  Sebastian nods and wraps his other arm around her for a hug, but the room begins to shake again, and he realizes that they probably don’t have much time.  Sebastian takes his communicator from his belt and raises it to his face.

 

 

 

 

When Stefano can see again, it is by the light of the torches that line the walls of his dungeon cell, and somehow this hits him harder than anything else, because he could actually be here.  Theodore could have actually transported him back to the dungeon, or they could still be in the throne room with Theodore warping reality to make it appear this way, and Stefano can’t be sure which it is.  Either way, a cold, creeping dread settles in his stomach.

 

It is very quiet and very still, just the way it was the last time before Sebastian came in, and Stefano trembles, feels a chill run down his spine, because even his subconscious knows what this room means and what will happen here.  Sometimes the waiting is the worst part.  Stefano remembers this now, remembers the brief periods of respite between various assaults on his body when Theodore’s men would stand back and watch him or sometimes leave the room entirely.  He would be left, bleeding and broken and knowing that more pain was coming, but not when it would happen or how he was going to be hurt.

 

That anticipation of pain and the anxiety that it brings are simmering inside him, even now.  He hears footsteps in the hallway outside and tries to turn to face the door, but he can’t move.  Specifically his arms won’t move because they are bound to the rusting metal bed frame and suddenly, he realizes that he is naked, lying on a filthy mattress and unable to escape, just like the last time.

 

The footsteps are getting closer, and any second Theodore’s men are going to be coming through that door.  His mind races.  He has to prepare, has to try to build up his walls before they start breaking them down. 

 

In the flickering torchlight, he remembers things, things that he has been working very hard not to remember.  He remembers being slapped and punched and kicked, having his body forced into uncomfortable positions. 

 

He remembers the knife prying his mouth open, cutting his teeth and gums in the process, the pain so great that he would have considered cooperating with them if he hadn’t been deathly afraid of what the mysterious fluid would do to him.  And he remembers the taste of his own blood, the pain and the violation of the tube being shoved into his throat, the sick, cold, heavy feeling of the fluid as it pooled in his stomach, remembers vomiting as the tube was removed from his throat but too late to prevent the absorption of the fluid.

 

Somewhere, at the edge of his consciousness, there is a flash of blue light.

 

He remembers the knife being dragged through the skin of his abdomen, the sharp, raw pain of his overtaxed nerves, being told that he would be eviscerated right here.  He remembers one of Theodore’s men holding his legs down as another carved patterns into the flesh of his cock, laughing at his struggles and screams, remembers the man holding the knife to his balls, looking up at him, leering, relishing the look of terror on his face.

 

He remembers when the metal poker was presented, how they heated it up in front of him, allowing him to watch, to anticipate the searing pain for minutes before it even touched him.   He remembers how they targeted his sensitive areas- his abdomen, the insides of his arms and thighs, his nipples.  And the pain didn’t stop after they took the hot metal away from his skin.  It went on and on, so that one scream turned into another, and the only thing that stopped him was his ravaged throat and the fear of choking on his own blood.

 

Another flash of blue light, but Stefano barely registers it through the thick haze of fear and helplessness and memories of pain.

 

He remembers when they switched to using the club, striking him seemingly at random as he tried to flinch away from the blows, remembers when they used it on his balls, the way they jeered and crowded around him after the first stroke made him cry out sharply and draw his legs up to try to protect himself.  The pain from just that one impact had been blinding, and he was still trying to regain control, trying to breathe deeply and focus on something else, when they had forced his legs back down and apart, pinned them to the bed so that they could hit him there over and over again until he fainted from the pain.

 

He remembers his consciousness returning, looking down to see them focused between his legs again, prodding at his opening with the wooden club as they seemed to be discussing something, remembers the surge of panic he felt at that moment, remembers arching violently up off the mattress, kicking out at them.  But of course there were three of them, and Stefano’s hands were bound, and they quickly overpowered him, two of them restraining his legs, pulling them back almost to his chest so that he was left completely exposed.

 

He remembers the third man brandishing the club at him, letting the full impact of what was about to happen sink in, so that he renewed his struggles and cries.  He remembers the feeling of the hard, unyielding object pressed against his opening, remembers thinking that it was much too large, that it was going to tear him apart, remembers the horrible searing, stretching pain as it was forced dry into his body.  He remembers how it felt to have it pressed in so deep, all the way to handle, penetrating so far into his body that it made him gag, then vomit again, before it was drawn out.

 

He remembers the relief of feeling it sliding out of his body, remembers thinking that surely that must be all they could do to him, but the club was thrust back into him over and over again.  He remembers that, after a few thrusts, it started to slide in and out more easily, remembers the sick feeling he had when he realized that it was being lubricated by his own blood, remembers eventually just going limp and waiting for it to be over.

 

There is another flash of blue light, but it is so far away that it could be in another world entirely.

 

He remembers when they shifted their attention to his eyes, remembers his breath quickening and his heart racing all over again as they traced his cheek with the knife before plunging it suddenly into his right eye socket, remembers the terror, the vision clouding even in his good eye, and the sickening sound of metal scraping bone inside his skull.  And for just a moment, it’s not Theodore’s men leaning over him in his memory; it’s Sebastian who is placing the chisel inside his eye socket, Sebastian who is driving the tool deep into his skull.

 

But Sebastian wasn’t like Theodore’s men.  Sebastian didn’t want to hurt him.  Sebastian only did those things to protect Stefano from something worse.  And Sebastian is probably fighting to get Lily out of STEM right now, and Stefano is part of that plan, is supposed to be distracting Theodore.  And everything around him is Theodore’s world, Theodore’s illusions, Theodore’s lies.

 

When the next flash of blue light comes, he is ready.  He can see past the dungeon, because he knows he is not in the dungeon.  He can see Theodore, and he phases just behind him, grabbing his head with one hand and drawing his knife sharply across Theodore’s throat, feeling the blade glide effortlessly through flesh.  Blood begins to pour from the wound as Theodore falls to his knees and Stefano phases away, eyeing Theodore warily from across the room.

 

Despite the tremendous amount of blood he is losing, Theodore braces himself on his cane and rises to his feet.  He closes his eyes and sways on the spot for a moment, but then the flow of blood is slowing and stopping and the wound seems to actually be healing itself.

 

Stefano is more than a little concerned at this, because if Theodore is powerful enough to heal catastrophic injuries like that one, then Stefano isn’t sure that he can even be killed by traditional means.  They may be stuck in this loop forever, with him stabbing and evading and reliving his worst memories until eventually he simply gives in and lets Theodore violate his mind the way Theodore’s men violated his body.  For the moment though, Stefano still has some fight left in him, and he readies himself for whatever Theodore will do next.

 

 

 

 

“Alright Kidman,” Sebastian speaks into the communicator.  “I’m in my room.”

 

“Right,” Kidman says.  “I should be able to extract you from there.”

 

“What about Stefano?” Sebastian asks.

 

Kidman heaves a sigh that is audible through the communicator.  “We can’t wait for him, Sebastian,” she says.  “We’re almost out of time, and I don’t even know if he could be extracted the same way we can with you and Lily.”

 

“Wrong answer,” Sebastian says.  “Figure something out.  We’re not leaving him.”

 

“Sebastian,” Kidman says, a note of irritation creeping into her voice.  “He can’t defeat Theodore.  It’s impossible.  Theodore is too powerful.  The most he can do for us is distract him while you and Lily escape.”

 

“Then get Lily out now, and I’ll go back for him,” Sebastian offers.

 

“No,” Kidman replies flatly.  “Lily needs you.  Who’s going to take care of her if you run off and get yourself killed?”

 

“I won’t,” Sebastian says.  “I’ll come back with Stefano.  Then you can extract us both.”

 

“Sebastian,” Kidman says, and this time all of the anger has gone out of her voice and she sounds almost sad.  “I didn’t want to tell you this before, but I don’t know if it’s possible for Stefano to leave STEM by any means.”  She pauses, and the seconds drag by before she speaks again.  “I’ve never seen where the Union citizens are… kept.  I don’t even know if he has a physical body anymore.  Sebastian, remember Ruvik…”

 

“Oh my god,” Sebastian breathes, dropping to one knee on the floor, which trembles under him as more cracks spread along the walls of the room.  In all the time that he’s been in Union, he has been picturing Stefano in a bathtub somewhere, like Sebastian himself had been on both of his trips into STEM, like he is now.  He has never considered the possibility that Mobius may have a more… efficient method of storing the consciousness of each person in Union.

 

“The only people I know I can extract are you and Lily,” Kidman says firmly, “so let me get you out of there.”

 

“Kidman, wait!” Sebastian shouts into the communicator.  “Can’t we just try to-”

 

“No,” Kidman replies.  “Beginning the extraction process now.”

 

“Damn it, Kidman!” Sebastian snarls, as he feels an invisible force pulling at him.  He holds onto Lily tightly, and she rests her head on his shoulder again, turning her face toward his neck.  He can feel her breath as she whispers again, just for a second, before the void swallows them both up.

 

 

 

 

Theodore raises the hand that holds his cane, and Stefano is expecting to be plunged into another memory, when a very strange look crosses Theodore’s face.  Theodore swallows hard, then suddenly pitches forward onto the floor on his hands and knees.  He stares at Stefano for a moment, eyes wide, before his head snaps forward and he vomits, white fluid pouring from his mouth.  A smile is forming on Stefano’s face, because he knows precisely what is happening, and this is exactly what Theodore deserves.

 

Within seconds, a thick white appendage has erupted from Theodore’s mouth.  Stefano feels a sympathetic stirring inside his own body, but fortunately nothing so dramatic as is happening across the room.  Theodore sits up on his knees as the creature forces his head back, twisting and contorting his body as it surveys the room.  Stefano knows this feeling, the pain of having his body attacked from the inside, but he feels no sympathy.

 

Theodore’s eyes are rolling wildly in his head.  Stefano can see his throat contracting as he tries to swallow around the white substance, tries to draw breath but fails.  Theodore reaches his hand out to Stefano as though to ask for help, but after everything that Theodore has done to Stefano, to Sebastian, and to Lily, Stefano could almost laugh at the gesture.

 

Obscura sidles up to Stefano as he watches and makes an inquisitive sort of a trilling noise.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies without taking his eyes off Theodore.  “Absolutely.”

 

Obscura clambers over to Theodore, takes a moment to compose her shot, and then clicks her shutter.  Again and again, she clicks, each one accompanied by a flash of blue light, and Stefano watches as Theodore’s hands fall to his sides, watches as his body goes limp, supported only by the white creature that still protrudes from his mouth, and watches as that creature finally disappears back into his body, satisfied that its work here is done.

 

Obscura snaps a few more pictures and returns to Stefano with a moan.

 

“You’re right,” Stefano says.  “We need to get out of here.”  The structure around them is starting to shake violently and chunks of the walls and ceiling are already breaking apart.  Stefano can only hope that it will stay up long enough for them to get back out to the streets of Union.

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you see Stefano?” Sebastian asks. “In the STEM system, I mean? He has the marker.”
> 
> With another sidelong glance at the door, Kidman steps back to the computer terminal and taps a few buttons on the keyboard. She frowns. “That’s weird… He’s in a restricted area of the Marrow.”
> 
> “Oh my god,” Sebastian breathes. “I know where he’s going.”

 

 

“God fucking damn it, Kidman!” Sebastian shouts the instant he regains control of his faculties.  He grabs the sides of the bathtub and pulls himself to a half-standing position, intending to launch himself out of the tub at Kidman, who is standing just to his right.  Unfortunately, his legs refuse to cooperate, and he ends up falling halfway out of the tub before sliding onto the floor.

 

Sebastian reorients himself, army-crawls over to Kidman, and grabs her by the ankle.  He isn’t sure exactly where Kidman is in the plan, but at some point she is going to take a step that will eliminate any chance of Stefano escaping STEM, and he needs to delay that as long as possible.

 

“Not now, Sebastian,” Kidman snaps.  “I need to talk to Myra.”

 

“No,” Sebastian growls, pulling on Kidman’s leg so that she loses her balance and tumbles to the floor on top of him.

 

“Jesus Christ!” Kidman yells as she tries to struggle away from Sebastian who has an arm wrapped around her midsection.  “What the fuck is wrong with you?  Sebastian, we need Myra to take over as the Core and send her signal.”

 

“We need to give Stefano a chance to get out,” Sebastian says, trying to make his voice as calm as possible, which is a challenge, since his heart is going a hundred miles an hour and he is out of breath from struggling with Kidman.

 

“Oh, not this again,” groans Kidman.  She kicks backward, catching Sebastian hard in the shin, but he doesn’t loosen his grip on her.  “Sebastian, the only reason you and I are safe now is because we are locked in this room.  All of Mobius knows that you and I are trying to rescue Lily, and they will do anything to stop us.”

 

“But you said we’re locked in,” Sebastian points out, “so let’s just wait a little while before we tell Myra to send the signal.”  He grunts as Kidman kicks him in the shin again.  “Fuck!  Would you stop that?”  Even though his legs are weak and half-asleep, Kidman’s kicks are really painful.

 

“They’ll find a way to get through that door.  It’s only a matter of time.  They will get it open, they will kill us, and then Lily will go back into STEM for the rest of her life.  Is that what you want?” Kidman says, her voice rising in anger.

 

Of course that isn’t what Sebastian wants, but Kidman takes advantage of his moment of reflection, to jerk her foot back and upward, striking Sebastian on the inner thigh, dangerously close to some rather sensitive areas.  In his surprise he loosens his grip, and Kidman twists out of his arms, plants her feet on his chest and shoves herself away from him across the floor.  In another second, she is on her feet and back at the computer terminal.

 

Sebastian gasps for air, because being kicked in the diaphragm does tend to impair one significantly, but once he catches his breath, he rights himself and begins to crawl toward Kidman again.

 

“Sebastian,” she warns.  “I’ll shoot you if I have to.”  Her hand moves to her holster, but she does a double-take when she finds no gun there.

 

“Looking for this?” Sebastian says, holding up the gun he slipped out of her holster while they were grappling on the floor.

 

“God damn it, Sebastian,” Kidman says, but she turns toward him, which means that she is no longer communicating with Myra via the computer.  “We’re going to need that gun if they breach the door.”

 

Sebastian shrugs and points the gun at Kidman.  “I think I’m more than qualified to do the shooting.”

 

“Not if you’re stuck on the floor,” Kidman observes.

 

“Not for long,” Sebastian says, flexing and extending one of his legs to demonstrate that he is gaining some control over his muscles.

 

Kidman is slowly advancing on him.  “You can’t shoot me,” she says.  “Without me you’ll have no one to send the signal to Myra and no one to run the program to disconnect Lily.”

 

She’s right of course, and Sebastian certainly isn’t planning to shoot her.  He just needs to keep her focused on him and not her computer so that Stefano has a fighting chance to escape from Union.

 

Kidman is within arm’s reach of him now.  “Give me the gun, Sebastian,” she says, voice low and dangerous.

 

 

 

 

As Stefano and Obscura descend one flight of stairs after another, the building begins to shake even more violently, and pieces of the ceiling and walls are starting to break off and come tumbling down around them.  Union is clearly becoming more and more unstable, and Stefano wonders for a moment why the stronghold can even continue to exist in any form with Theodore dead.  He decides that now is not the appropriate time to explore this as he dodges a falling chunk of stone.

 

They make it to the spiral staircase leading down to the lower floors, and they are halfway down it when the entire building begins to twist and crack and crumble to the ground.  The staircase itself comes detached from the floor above and begins to slowly tip over on its side.  Stefano grabs the railing, preparing to phase to the ground, but before he can, Obscura’s flash goes off and the staircase is frozen in time.  Stefano and Obscura have just enough time to dash down it before the blue box breaks and the staircase comes crashing to the floor.

 

The room ahead of them is a heap of rubble, slabs of stone, pieces of machinery, and bodies, all broken and rearranged and jumbled together.  Stefano could simply phase to the other side, but he doesn’t want to leave Obscura, so he begins to carefully pick his way through the mess, stumbling a few times on the uneven footing.  Obscura, close behind him, moans inquisitively.

 

“No, Obscura,” Stefano says distractedly as he negotiates the rubble.  “I’m fine.”

 

No sooner have the words left his mouth than he steps onto a slab of metal that slides right out from under him.  He flails for a moment, attempting to regain his balance, but ends up falling backward, fortunately right into Obscura’s outstretched arms.

 

Obscura lets out a contented little moan, shifts Stefano to a more comfortable position in her arms, and begins to scramble forward over the wreckage.  Stefano is about to protest, but catches himself when he realizes that he truly is exhausted and the only safe place to rest for a moment seems to be in Obscura’s arms.  Also Obscura, who has three points of contact with the ground, is much better equipped than Stefano to perform the various feats of balance necessary to negotiate the rubble.

 

“Good girl,” Stefano says quietly, and Obscura coos back to him as they pass through the doorway into the next room, where Obscura has to climb down the face of the damaged elevator shaft to reach the ground floor.  Stefano can only hold on and hope that Obscura will be able to keep her footing, and thankfully, she gets them to the bottom safely.

 

The church isn’t in much better shape than the rest of the building, and one of the outer walls collapses right before Stefano’s eye as Obscura makes her way to the exit.  Stefano briefly considers telling Obscura to put him down, but as soon as they are over the threshold, she breaks into a kind of ungainly run, and it is easier to simply hold on and let Obscura figure out how to handle the new terrain.  Fortunately, the streets of Union are as devoid of enemies as they were the last time he walked them, although significantly more damaged.  Obscura has to leap over chasms and dodge flying pieces of buildings to move forward, to say nothing of the way that the other parts of Union are being jerked around in the sky above them.

 

They are halfway back to the hotel before Stefano realizes that he has no idea where he is actually supposed to be going.  He closes his eyes, concentrates, reaches out for Lily’s energy in the world around him, but he cannot find her.  All around him, Union is in motion, alive with a restless, destructive energy, but Lily’s own energy is nowhere to be found, which can only mean that Sebastian has succeeded in getting Lily out of STEM.

 

Stefano isn’t surprised to find that he’s been left behind.  For one thing, this was the most likely outcome of the plan he presented to Sebastian.  Stefano had prioritized defeating Theodore over getting out of STEM himself, and he can’t bring himself to regret that choice, even if it means he will die here.  For another, he has known from the beginning that Sebastian’s loyalty to him only extends so far.  Of course Sebastian would leave him here if it meant saving Lily.

 

“Obscura,” he says, “slow down.”  Obscura slows her pace, though she is still weaving around obstacles and cracks in the street.

 

Stefano thinks for a moment, because he hasn’t had occasion to give much thought to the circumstances of his own death, but if this world is really going to be torn apart, then the theatre seems like the only appropriately grand place to go.  He has just made up his mind when something catches his eye on an intact piece of the road- a message written in a child’s handwriting.

 

_Go to the mirror._

“Kidman,” Sebastian says, “just hear me out on this, please.”  His hand is steady, and the gun is trained on Kidman, even if he has no intention of firing it.

 

Kidman puts her hands on her hips, brow furrowing in frustration.  “There’s no time Sebastian.”  She pauses for a moment and there is a commotion in the hallway outside the heavy metal door.  Raised voices ring out, and Kidman jerks her head in the direction of the door.  “See?  They’re going to find a way to get in here.”

 

“I owe this to Stefano,” Sebastian says somberly.  “I probably owe him a lot more, actually.  He helped me find Lily.  He came back to help me again after I treated him badly-”.  Sebastian’s voice breaks, but he clears his throat and presses on.  “He took on Theodore so that Lily and I could escape.  Kidman, I know he wasn’t part of your plan, but we wouldn’t have made it out without him.”

 

“Sebastian,” Kidman begins, her voice taking on a more sympathetic tone, “you’ve been through a lot-”

 

“Yes, I have,” Sebastian snaps back, “and so has Stefano, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him die alone in Union thinking that no one cares about him!”

 

“We’ve been through this,” Kidman says.  “There’s no way for him to get out of STEM, not anymore.”

 

“Of course he can,” Sebastian says.  He realizes he is talking faster as his mind tries to process what Kidman is telling him.  Images of Stefano frantically trying to escape from Union are playing on a loop inside his head.  “He can get to the mirror, and then to my room, and then you’ll be able to extract him like you did with me and Lily.”  There’s a note of desperation in his voice as he finishes, and Kidman is regarding him with something that looks like pity.

 

“Even if I could manage another extraction- which I can’t,” Kidman says, “the mirrors wouldn’t work for him.  The method you use to access your room only works for you.”

 

“No!” Sebastian says, as a cold, heavy sense of dread settles in his stomach.  “No, you’re wrong.  You have to be wrong.  There has to be some way…”

 

“No, Sebastian,” Kidman shakes her head, her voice softening again.  “There isn’t any other way.”

 

Sebastian wants to argue, wants to reject Kidman’s statement, but suddenly all the fight has gone out of him.  Stefano is alone in Union and probably thinks that Sebastian abandoned him there on purpose, and Stefano is going to die in STEM and there is nothing that Sebastian can do about it.  And after how far they’ve come and how hard they’ve fought, everything about this feels wrong.

 

Sebastian’s hand holding the gun wavers, then drops to the floor, and Kidman is on him in a second, skillfully disarming him and placing the gun back in her holster before she dashes back to the computer terminal.  There is more noise outside in the hallway, and then, much to Sebastian’s alarm, a line begins to appear in the metal door as though it’s being damaged from the other side with a blowtorch or some kind of welding equipment.  Apparently Kidman was serious when she said they would find a way in.

 

“There,” Kidman says, stepping back from the terminal.  “Myra knows we’re ready.  Now we just need to wait for her to assume the power of the Core and send the signal.”

 

“How long will that take?” Sebastian asks, as he rises cautiously from the floor.  His legs seem to be fully awake now, but he’s still not taking any chances.

 

Kidman sighs.  “I don’t know, but hopefully not long.”  She glances at the door, where whoever is on the other side has completed about a quarter of the square necessary to make an opening.  “We’re running out of time.”

 

Sebastian knows that Stefano is also running out of time.  He tries not to think about where Stefano might be right now and what he might be doing, then realizes that Kidman can probably answer at least one of those questions.

 

“Can you see Stefano?” Sebastian asks.  “In the STEM system, I mean?  He has the marker.”

 

With another sidelong glance at the door, Kidman steps back to the computer terminal and taps a few buttons on the keyboard.  She frowns.  “That’s weird… He’s in a restricted area of the Marrow.”

 

“Oh my god,” Sebastian breathes.  “I know where he’s going.”

 

 

 

 

Seeing the message from Lily sends a welcome surge of adrenaline through Stefano’s body, because perhaps he hasn’t been left behind after all.  Maybe Sebastian has taken some steps to ensure that he will be able to leave Union.

 

“Back to the safe house, Obscura!” Stefano directs, pointing down the street, and Obscura trills at him before taking off down the street.  The safe house is only a block away from them, which is a very good thing, because the ground under them is starting to tilt, cars sliding over each other and flying through the air, more cracks appearing, and they are only able to reach the safe house by inching along in front of the buildings at the edge of a jagged chasm.

 

When they reach the door, Obscura sets him down, and Stefano is about to dash into the building, when he realizes that if this works, if he really is going to get out, this will be the last time he sees Obscura.

 

“Obscura, darling,” he says, turning back to her.  She stands calmly, even as the world shakes and cracks and slides away all around her.  Stefano steps forward, wrapping his arms around her neck, and feeling her arms and her camera head encircling him.  Obscura isn’t prone to human-like gestures of affection, generally preferring to bump him with her head rather than embrace him, so Stefano can tell that she senses the gravity of the situation.

 

He releases her and steps back, jumping a little in surprise as Obscura produces a photograph.  He reaches out to take it, a smile coming to his face immediately, because this is clearly Theodore in his last moment, eyes bulging in terror, mouth forced open by the white creature.  It is a fitting end for Theodore and immensely satisfying to view.

 

“Thank you,” he says, looking up into Obscura’s lens.  “Thank you for this and for everything you’ve done.

 

Obscura moans back at him, a hopeful note in her voice, and Stefano knows exactly what she wants.  He considers for only a second, because he hates being photographed himself, but he can’t deny her anything in their last moments together, so he adjusts his hair, straightens his jacket, and says, “Go ahead.”

 

He doesn’t smile, can’t make himself smile with their impending parting weighing heavy on his shoulders, but Obscura snaps the picture and seems very pleased with herself.

 

“You keep that one,” Stefano says, reaching out to take her head in his hands.  “You’ve done so well, my dear.  I could not have asked for a better companion.  But it is time to go now.  Look around you.”  He gestures to the swirling, crumbling streets of Union.  “There is so much left to create.”

 

Stefano steps back, and Obscura bobs her head and bumps him in the chest with it one last time before she moans and dashes off in the direction of the theatre.  Stefano hopes she will find something beautiful to photograph in her last moments, but now he has to attend to his own survival.  He darts into the safe house, slamming the secure door behind him, though he is sure that being pursued by enemies is now the least of his worries.

 

The safe house is still intact, and Stefano heads straight for the back room where, as expected, he finds a broken mirror.  He walks up to it with confidence, studies his fragmented reflection for a moment, then tries peering into it from different angles, but the mirror doesn’t seem to be cooperating.

 

He remembers that Sebastian would just stand in front of it and stare at it, and the glare from the mirror would become blinding, and then Sebastian would be transported to his office, but none of that seems to be working for him.  He backs away and approaches a few more times, just to see if that will make a difference, but he is forced to conclude that, for him at least, this is an ordinary mirror and not some portal to another world, not a means of salvation.

 

Just then, he feels a slight movement, barely a twitch, of the creature inside him.  “Not now…” he moans, even though he is only talking to himself.  He can’t handle another assault on his body, not with the far more pressing concern of what to do next.  Fortunately, the next moment, everything is still and quiet and Stefano lets out a cautious sigh of relief.

 

He walks back into the main room of the safe house.  He can’t even bring himself to feel angry at Sebastian, because Sebastian probably didn’t know that this wouldn’t work.  That’s the problem with all of this STEM nonsense- the people who actually know how everything works aren’t on their side.  Sebastian didn’t even know how he was going to get Lily out the last time Stefano saw him.  And if the only way out of STEM requires outside intervention…

 

Stefano stops short, right in the middle of his train of thought, because something is nagging at the back of his mind, something that happened hours ago, right here in this room.  Sykes said he had found a back door, a way out of STEM that no one else knew about.  And Sykes had used that method to escape, and Sykes went… somewhere.  Stefano can’t be sure where he ended up of course, and Sykes did say that the success rate of the escape pod is only twenty-five percent, but surely that’s better than just sitting here waiting to die.

 

He turns to the computer terminal, which is fortunately still unlocked, and hopes that all of the times he’s watched Sebastian and others do this will be enough to allow him to do it himself.  It turns out to be much easier than expected, because as soon as he places his hands on the keyboard, the line of code Sykes used to access the Marrow appears on the screen.  He doesn’t take the time to question this, just taps the enter key and braces himself as the darkness surrounds him.

 

When the hallways of the Marrow- or what is left of them- form around him a few moments later, he feels another twitch from inside his body, but it’s nothing more than that, so he presses on.  There is visible damage here as well.  The hallways are collapsing, and in several places he has to climb over rubble or crawl through narrow spaces to move forward, but he makes it to the control room for the escape pod.

 

Inside, Stefano is relieved to find that the computers still have power, and the timer Sykes talked about before is visible on the screen.  He doesn’t stop, doesn’t think, because he is out of options and this is his only chance to escape.  He turns the timer a quarter rotation, and pushes the button Sykes pointed out before.  Then he dashes into the next room and climbs into the bathtub.

 

Smoke begins to fill the room as Stefano waits, body shaking from exertion and adrenaline, hands clutching the sides of the tub.  There is a twenty-five percent chance this will work, and Stefano has never considered himself to be a lucky person, but he did meet Sebastian and Lily, and maybe it’s not too much to hope that just one more good thing will happen.  The creature inside him stirs again as the smoke draws close around him, and then there is only cold, deep darkness.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian is standing beside Kidman, eyes darting back and forth between the door, which he estimates is about thirty seconds away from being breached, and the map of the Marrow on the computer monitor where they can see Stefano in the escape pod control room.  A loud, commanding voice, the same one that Sebastian heard when he was first brought into the STEM chamber, fills the room like it is being broadcast over a loudspeaker.

 

“It’s not too late to stop this, Kid.  If you do, I promise to kill you quickly.  Otherwise the punishment for your betrayal… will be legendary.”

 

Sebastian follows Kidman’s gaze behind them and up to the windows that overlook the room from the upper floor.  The silhouette of a man is visible, though Sebastian can’t make out much detail.

 

“I’m going to be legendary all right, legendary for taking you down,” Kidman shoots back, and the bravado in her voice makes Sebastian smile for a moment as her remembers Kidman as a rookie detective.  She continues, “‘Join us or die’? Well, guess what.  There’s a third choice, and that’s fuck you!”

 

Sebastian couldn’t agree more, but he takes his eyes off Kidman and the man upstairs to glance back at the door, which is probably only going to hold for another fifteen seconds or so, and the monitor, where Stefano has disappeared entirely.

 

“You are foolish but oddly admirable,” the man says, voice filled with self-righteous authority.  “It’s a shame to have to lose you like this, Kid.”  He takes out his phone, presses a button, and looks at Kidman expectantly.  Kidman does not react.  He presses the button again and stares hard at Kidman, who starts to laugh.

 

“What, you thought I was just flying by the seat of my pants here?” Kidman asks.  “I took my chip out three days ago.”  She pulls her hair aside to reveal a small scar.

 

“No matter!” snaps the man, clearly agitated now.  “You’ll die today.  One way or another.”

 

Kidman glances back at the door- they only have seconds left- and then to the monitor, where a message appears.

 

_System connected to Mobius members.  Ready for final phase.  The rest is up to you, Juli.  Myra_

Kidman quickly presses a button on the keyboard, draws her gun, and levels it at the door.  Sebastian holds his breath, sure that any moment they’ll be overrun by Mobius agents.  But instead, the STEM room goes dark, and then some sort of emergency lighting kicks in, bathing the room in a soft blue-green light.  They both jump as the middle section of the door crashes to the ground, now detached completely from the rest of the door, but there is no movement in the hallway outside.

 

Kidman looks up to the windows, and Sebastian follows her gaze to see the man who had spoken to them before.  He is clutching at his head, blood pouring from his eyes and ears and mouth, face contorted in pain.  He falls to his knees, shaking his fist at Kidman, before he collapses completely and falls out of their sight.

 

Sebastian looks over at Kidman, who has a very satisfied smile on her face.  “Kidman, can we get Lily now?” he prompts.

 

“Yes, of course,” she says, back to her usual, businesslike demeanor.  “Go stand by that pod in the middle of the room.”

 

Sebastian does as he is told.  As he approaches the pod, he can see that it is labeled with Lily’s name, much the same way that Ruvik’s was back at Beacon.  The thought of Ruvik’s condition makes him shiver, and he is relieved to see that this pod is large enough to hold a complete human being.  Lily had better be in there and she had better be in one piece.

 

Kidman taps at her keyboard for a few seconds, and the pod doors open a crack, allowing a clear fluid to come rushing out.  Sebastian is suddenly struck with a bunch of questions about how STEM works, but now is not the time for questions, not when the pod doors are slowly opening, and he can see Lily, really see Lily, for the first time in five years.

 

She looks different of course, older, but still unmistakably his little girl.  And the pod doors are just not opening fast enough and he grabs them, tries to yank them apart, almost shouts in frustration until finally he can reach through the opening and take hold of Lily.

 

“Hold on!” Kidman shouts, just as Sebastian is about to pull Lily out of the pod.  He freezes, because Kidman does know a lot more about this than he does.  She jogs to his side, and reaches her arms into the pod next to his, and Sebastian realizes that Lily is connected to all manner of monitors and tubes and IV lines, which Kidman is systematically removing.  Sebastian tries to be patient, simply waits and holds Lily upright, until Kidman nods to him and takes a step back.

 

Sebastian gathers Lily fully in his arms, lifts her out of the pod, and crouches on the floor with her.  She is soaking wet and already starting to shiver, but her eyes are fluttering open.  “Dad?” she whispers.

 

“Yes, I’m here Lily,” Sebastian says, holding her tightly in his arms.

 

“So it wasn’t a dream?” her voice is hoarse, probably from years of disuse.

 

“No, sweetie, not exactly…” he says with a sigh, because it is too hard to explain exactly what it was.  “It’s over.  You’re safe now,” he says gently, hoping that will be enough.

 

Apparently it is, because Lily wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face in his shoulder, and as much as STEM is supposed to simulate reality, holding Lily in STEM did not compare to how it feels to actually have her in his arms after so many years.

 

Lily releases him, drawing back.  She is very pale and still shivering.  “Where is Mr. Valentini?”

 

“Shit,” Sebastian blurts out, then immediately, “Sorry, sorry.”  Sebastian has never been very good at not swearing in front of children, his own included, but Lily’s question catches him by surprise because for at least a few minutes, he has completely forgotten about Stefano.

 

“Kidman?” he calls, just as Kidman reenters the room with her arms full of blankets and clothes.  “Where’s Stefano?”

 

“Sebastian,” Kidman sighs as she walks over to him and crouches beside him on the floor.  “We’ve talked about this.  I don’t even know if-”

 

“We have to try Kidman,” Sebastian says firmly.  “I’m not leaving until we at least find, whatever… whatever…”  His voice breaks, and he can’t even finish the sentence, because his brain can’t process the idea that Stefano’s body might not be intact.

 

“It’s okay Dad,” Lily says, patting him on the shoulder.  “We’ll find him.”

 

“I found some dry clothes for Lily and a couple of blankets,” Kidman cuts in.  “Part of the physiological stasis that STEM requires involves lowering body temperature, so it may take Lily a while to warm up.”

 

Lily looks over to Kidman, and Sebastian realizes that they probably haven’t actually met.

 

“Lily, this is Ms. Kidman,” Sebastian says, as Kidman smiles encouragingly at Lily.  “Would it be alright if she helps you get dried off and changed into some clean clothes?”

 

“Where are you going?” Lily asks, panic rising in her voice.

 

“Nowhere,” Sebastian says quickly.  “I’m not leaving this room.”

 

“Okay,” Lily says warily.

 

Sebastian eases her down until she is sitting on the floor, then turns to Kidman.  “Can you handle this?”

 

Kidman laughs, “Yes, I think I’m more than qualified.  Why don’t you go to the computer terminal and run a search for Stefano?  It should tell us at least something about his location.”

 

“Got it,” Sebastian says, relieved to have something to do besides wonder if he should be helping dress Lily or if that’s inappropriate since she’s ten years old now.  He gets to his feet and walks to the computer terminal as Lily turns to follow him with her eyes.

 

“I’m not leaving,” he reassures her, and she nods and turns back to Kidman.

 

“There should be a subject search field,” Kidman says, as she helps Lily remove her wet clothes and hands her a blanket.  “At the top right of the screen.”

 

Kidman goes back to talking quietly to Lily, and Sebastian locates the search field and types in Stefano’s name.  A long list of names appears on the screen, with Stefano’s highlighted.  Sebastian reads across the highlighted line.  “B7-722.  Does that mean anything to you?”

 

“Yes,” Kidman says, as she finishes drying Lily with a blanket and begins to help her into dry clothes.  “B7 is seven floors below us, and the other number is probably for the pod.”

 

“Can you take me there?” Sebastian asks, urgency making his voice sharp.

 

“Yes,” Kidman says, sounding mildly irritated.  She takes a minute to finish dressing Lily and wraps her in a blanket before she continues.  “But I’ve never been down there.  I don’t know what it’s going to be like.”

 

“I understand,” Sebastian says, walking back to them and crouching down to pick up Lily.  She is still shivering, and he holds her close to his body, rubs her back, and hopes that some of his body heat will transfer.  “But I need to know.”

 

Kidman nods and grabs a few more blankets, then leads him to the door of the room.

 

“Hide your eyes, Lily,” Sebastian says as he steps through the recently-carved hole in the door.  There are bodies littering the hallway, many with blood oozing from their noses and mouths and ears, and Lily definitely doesn’t need to see this.  She obeys, pressing her face into his shoulder, and Sebastian follows Kidman down the hall to an elevator.

 

They ride down to B7 in silence, Sebastian consumed with thoughts about what sort of condition Stefano might be in.  He knows that even if Stefano’s physical body is still intact here in the real world, there is only a twenty-five percent chance that his consciousness will be reunited with that body.  At least, that’s what Sykes said.  The escape pod was a risky move, but he hopes desperately that it has worked, because it really is Stefano’s last chance.

 

 When the elevator doors open, Sebastian follows Kidman around a few corners and down the hall until she stops at another heavy metal door, clearly another STEM room.  She turns the valve handle, gives it a tug, and the door creaks open, protesting as though it has been closed for a very long time.

 

Sebastian immediately steps forward into the room, which is illuminated faintly by the emergency lighting system, but he only makes it that one step before the smell nearly knocks him off his feet.  It’s the smell of decomposition, and he would know it anywhere.  Someone is dead in here, and they’ve been dead for more than a couple of hours.  He hurriedly backs up, as Lily makes a noise of disgust and covers her mouth and nose with her hands.

 

“Kidman,” Sebastian says, turning to her.  “Can you take Lily?  Just go and wait by the elevator.  I’ll be back in a few minutes either way.”

 

Kidman nods, though she is covering her own mouth with her hand.  She drops her armful of blankets on the floor and takes Lily from Sebastian, before walking briskly down the hall, away from the offending odor.  Sebastian backs up a few steps, takes a deep breath of fresh air, and plunges forward into the near-darkness.

 

 

 

 

When Stefano wakes up, he is cold and wet, and the room around him is dark and full of the stench of death.  If this is the real world, maybe it would have been better to stay in STEM.  He sits up, realizing in the dim greenish light that he is fully dressed and in a bathtub full of some kind of liquid.  He also realizes that the simple act of sitting up has taken almost all of his strength, his muscles cramping in protest.

 

As he takes a moment to reorient himself, he realizes that there are IV lines in both of his arms, and he quickly pulls them out, unsure of what they’ve been administering to him.  He rests his head on the edge of the tub for a moment, considering his next move.  If this is actually the real world, and not some horrible sublevel of STEM, then Sebastian should be coming for him soon, which is a relief, because he’s not sure he can hold himself in a sitting position for very long, much less stand or walk.  He is also shivering violently in the tepid liquid that fills the tub.

 

As Stefano waits, seeds of doubt begin to take root in his mind.  What if Sebastian and Lily didn’t survive the trip out of STEM?  What if Myra’s plan to destroy Mobius failed?  What if Sebastian really has abandoned him this time?  After all, if Sebastian and Lily escaped from STEM, then Sebastian doesn’t need Stefano anymore, and more than likely he will-

 

Stefano’s thoughts are interrupted by the screeching sound of the door opening, followed by hushed voices.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano tries to call out, but his voice is weak and hoarse and his throat aches.  He hears footsteps in the direction of the door.  “Sebastian,” he tries again, voice a little stronger this time.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian’s voice reaches him, and his heart swells with hope and relief and something suspiciously like happiness.

 

“Over here,” Stefano says, as loudly as he can manage, which is still not very loud, and the next thing he knows Sebastian is at his side, arms wrapped around him and pulling him halfway out of the tub in a frantic, desperate embrace.

 

“Stefano!  Oh my god, Stefano, I thought… I thought…”  Sebastian stops trying to speak, breathing harshly as he clings to Stefano.  “I’m so sorry,” he gasps out finally.

 

Stefano doesn’t bother to ask Sebastian what he is sorry for this time, because there will always be something.  With some effort, he raises his arms to rest them on Sebastian’s shoulders and whispers, “I’m so glad you came back for me.”

 

“Of course I did,” Sebastian murmurs in his ear.  “I wasn’t going to leave you behind.  I didn’t want to leave you in STEM.  I… Can I help you get out of this room?  The smell is godawful.”

 

“Please,” Stefano says, “but I’m afraid I am very weak at the moment.”

 

“I’ve got you,” Sebastian says warmly.  “Okay if I carry you?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, thinking that Sebastian carrying him is probably the only way they are going to make any progress, though it is very considerate of Sebastian to ask him first.

 

Sebastian reaches one arm into the fluid under Stefano’s knees and supports Stefano’s back with the other.  Then Sebastian is lifting him, and he is leaning against Sebastian’s broad, warm chest and resting his head on Sebastian’s shoulder, and wishing that he could just sleep, though he is sure that they still have a long way to go.

 

Once they are out in the hallway, Sebastian carefully sets Stefano down on the floor, and Stefano leans against the wall while Sebastian closes the door to the STEM room, most likely in an attempt to contain the horrible smell.

 

“Give me one minute,” Sebastian says, holding up a finger to Stefano before he dashes around the corner.

 

Stefano can hear Sebastian down the hall.  “Kidman!  He’s alive!”  Sebastian practically shouts, and the excitement in his words warms Stefano’s heart.  “Can you try to find some dry clothes?”  Then after a pause, he says, “Yes, sweetie.  Everything’s okay.”

 

Seconds later, Sebastian’s rapid footsteps sound in the hall, and he whips around the corner, swiftly crouching down next to Stefano.

 

“Here, let’s get you out of those wet clothes,” Sebastian says.  His hands hover over Stefano’s chest.  “May I?”

 

Stefano nods, because frankly he is just too exhausted to do any of this himself, and he knows by now that Sebastian will take care of him.  He simply leans against the wall and goes limp as Sebastian unbuttons his shirt and slides it off of his arms, all the while speaking gentle, reassuring words.  Sebastian unfastens his trousers, and Stefano does his best to lift his hips so that Sebastian can slide the trousers and his briefs off his legs.

 

Stefano doesn’t have the presence of mind to be self-conscious about being naked in front of Sebastian again, even when Sebastian gives him a very thorough rub down with a blanket.  Sebastian seems to only be concerned with drying him and warming him, and besides, Stefano is too tired to worry about modesty at the moment.  Then, Kidman’s voice is calling from down the hall, and Sebastian is telling him to hold on for a minute and disappearing around the corner.

 

When Sebastian returns, it is with a set of dry clothes a few sizes too big for him.  Stefano is still shivering as Sebastian dresses him in the new clothes, but being dry is certainly an improvement, and being picked up and carried by Sebastian again is also very pleasant.

 

It is so pleasant, in fact, that Stefano drifts off to sleep, and when he wakes up again, he is in the passenger seat of a car.  He is still shivering, still feels chilled to the bone, but he is wrapped in a blanket and the heat is on full blast.  The car isn’t moving, and outside the window, he can see Sebastian talking to a woman, presumably Kidman, in the soft evening light.  They exchange a few more words, and Kidman extends her hand to Sebastian.  Sebastian shakes it, but then pulls her into a hug, and they are both smiling broadly as they step back from each other.

 

Then Sebastian is getting in the driver’s seat, and Kidman is walking away.  Sebastian places a hand on Stefano’s knee.

 

“You okay?” he asks.

 

Stefano nods.  “Just cold,” he says softly, voice still scratchy.

 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian says with a smile.  “I’ll get you warmed up soon enough.”

 

Sebastian turns to look over his shoulder, and Stefano turns as well to see that Lily is asleep in the backseat.

 

“Sleep,” Sebastian says, turning back to Stefano.  “I’ve got this.”

 

Stefano nods again and fumbles with the levers beside the seat until he manages to recline it.  Sebastian puts the car into gear, and Stefano is asleep almost as soon as they start moving.

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve been alone for too long,” Stefano says, and there is a note of sadness in his voice or maybe resignation.
> 
> “Me too,” Sebastian murmurs, because he knows exactly what Stefano is talking about. He felt it somewhat in STEM, but now that they are away from immediate danger, the simple pleasure of affectionate physical contact is so overwhelmingly obvious to him that he doesn’t know how he went so many years without it.

 

 

Sebastian isn’t even sure where he is heading.  The only thing that matters is that they are driving away from Krimson City and away from Beacon and Mobius and Union.  He doesn’t need to go back to his apartment in Krimson City, because everything that’s important to him is right here in this car.  He adjusts the rearview mirror so that he can check on Lily, then glances to his right at Stefano, relieved to see that both are sleeping soundly, even if they are still shivering a little.

 

The heat is turned all the way up, for Lily and Stefano’s comfort of course, and Sebastian is sweltering.  He did feel a little cold when he emerged from STEM, but apparently he hadn’t been in the system long enough to suffer the physical effects that Lily and Stefano seem to be experiencing.  Being cold is one thing, but Sebastian is beginning to wonder how long it is going to take them to regain their stamina or even just the ability to stand and walk.

 

He hasn’t given any thought until this moment to the likely consequences of being immobile for years.  Mobius clearly supported their physical bodies enough to keep their minds in the STEM system, but that seems to be the extent of it.  Apparently, Mobius didn’t think that Stefano or Lily would need their physical bodies again after their entry into STEM.  He shudders to think of what their life would have been like if he hadn’t gone into STEM to rescue Lily, if Kidman hadn’t given him the opportunity to rescue Lily.

 

Despite Kidman’s deceptions and conflicting loyalties, she has turned out to be a formidable ally.  She may have wanted to take Mobius down for her own reasons, but in doing so she has given Sebastian an opportunity he never thought he would have.  He checks the rearview mirror again, because it feels unreal to be reunited with Lily after all this time.

 

And Kidman had apparently planned this out in some detail, because before they left the Mobius compound, she provided Sebastian with the basic tools to start a new life for himself and Stefano and Lily: an older SUV, which Kidman swears is not registered to some dead Mobius agent, an envelope full of cash, “courtesy of Mobius” Kidman had said, and Sebastian’s revolver, which was confiscated in the struggle with the Mobius agents at the bar.

 

Sebastian has no idea where or how they are going to start that new life, but he knows he needs to put some distance between himself and Krimson City.  While Kidman was confident that they’d wiped out every Mobius employee on the Union project, she couldn’t promise Sebastian that there weren’t other Mobius cells out there or other entities that might be interested in STEM technology.  With only such vague assurances of safety, leaving Krimson City was the only logical option.

 

Unfortunately Sebastian has been running on fumes and adrenaline since he came out of STEM, and even those can only carry him so far.  He knows he is nodding off a bit, but he is so determined to press on, to get farther away from the remains of Mobius, that he keeps driving, even as his eyelids begin to feel heavy.

 

The second time the SUV drifts out of the lane and hits the rumble strips, Stefano jerks awake along with Sebastian.  He taps Sebastian sharply on the thigh, and says, “Sebastian, pull over.  You can’t even keep your eyes open.”

 

“We need to keep going,” Sebastian argues, blinking furiously.  “Just let me find somewhere to get a coffee.”

 

Sebastian catches Stefano’s indulgent smile out of the corner of his eye.  “You know,” Stefano says, “coffee doesn’t cure everything.”

 

Sebastian finds himself smiling as he remembers all the shared cups of coffee and moments of rest and comfort in the safe houses.  It’s unfortunate that coffee in the real world doesn’t have the healing properties of coffee in Union.

 

“Please pull over,” Stefano says firmly.  “What you are doing is very dangerous.”

 

“I don’t want to stop out here in the open,” Sebastian counters.  “We’ve only been driving for an hour.”

 

“Then find a motel,” Stefano replies.

 

Luckily, there is a motel with vacancies at the next exit.  It’s not the nicest place, just a chain motel that looks new enough to not be too disgusting and to have relatively secure doors.  Sebastian almost pulls up in front of the office, then thinks better of it, because he’s pretty sure that two grown men and a ten year old girl, two of whom are thoroughly exhausted and possibly unable to walk, might look kind of strange, and the last thing he wants is to be memorable in any way.

 

He pulls through the lot far enough that their vehicle won’t be visible to the clerk, and cuts off the engine.  Stefano is asleep again and Lily is still passed out in the back seat, so Sebastian gets out of the SUV, locks it, and jogs to the motel office.  Fortunately the clerk doesn’t ask too many questions, accepts the name that Sebastian makes up on the spot, and is willing to overlook his lack of ID when he offers to pay cash.  He takes the key card, which corresponds to a ground floor room near the back door, and jogs back to the SUV.  The whole thing takes less than two minutes, but anxiety is already twisting his stomach at having Lily and Stefano out of his sight for even that long.

 

They are still fast asleep when he gets back, and neither one stirs when he starts the SUV and pulls around to the back entrance.  He considers his options for a minute.  Then he reaches out to place his hand on Stefano’s leg, but stops, because being touched unexpectedly is probably not something Stefano would appreciate at the moment.

 

“Stefano,” he says, and Stefano jerks awake, blinking at Sebastian in surprise.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian says.  “We’re at the motel.  Do you think you can walk at all?”

 

Stefano stretches his legs out in front of him one at a time and seems to be considering.  “I’m afraid not,” he says.  “My legs still feel very weak.”

 

“That’s okay,” Sebastian says.  “I’m going to take Lily into the room, and then I’ll come back for you.  Just stay put for a minute.”

 

“I’m not sure I have the option to do anything else,” Stefano says with a yawn, and Sebastian gets out of the vehicle, opens Lily’s door, and unbuckles her seatbelt.

 

Lily opens her eyes when Sebastian gathers her up in his arms.  “Dad?” she says softly, voice thick with sleep.

 

“Yes, it’s me, Lily.  We’re going to stop here and get some rest,” Sebastian says as he closes the car door with his hip and carries Lily to the back door of the motel.  Lily, of course, has been getting some rest the whole time they’ve been driving, but she rests her head on Sebastian’s shoulder and closes her eyes.  Sebastian notes with some concern that she’s also started to shiver again.  Kidman did say that it would take them a while to get warmed up, but it’s been a couple of hours since she got out of STEM, and Sebastian thinks they should be seeing some more progress by now.

 

He locates the door to their room, transfers Lily to one arm so that he can swipe the key card, and enters.  The room is small, with two double beds taking up most of it, but it appears to be clean and all of the safety features on the door are intact.  Sebastian sets Lily down on one of the beds and goes to check the window, which doesn’t have any mechanism of opening.  He turns back to Lily.

 

“Stay here for a minute, sweetie.  I’m going to get Mr. Valentini,” Sebastian says, and Lily nods and lies down, curling up on her side, her small frame still shaking.  Sebastian is starting to think that a warm bath might be in order, but he needs to get Stefano into the room with them first.  Checking to make sure he still has the room key, he leaves the room and strides briskly back to the SUV.

 

Stefano is waiting for him, and it only takes Sebastian one glance to see that Stefano is also shivering violently.  Seeing Lily and Stefano in such a pitiful condition makes him angry at Mobius all over again, but he sets that aside, because Stefano needs his protection and reassurance now, not his anger.

 

Sebastian opens the car door, and Stefano unfastens his seatbelt and tries to scoot toward Sebastian.

 

“Hold on,” Sebastian says, because he has just realized that he is going to be much less capable of opening doors when his arms are full of Stefano.  He hands Stefano the car keys and the room key, and Stefano works his hands out from under the blanket to take them.  Then Sebastian slides one arm under Stefano’s legs and the other one behind his back.

 

“Watch your head,” Sebastian says, and Stefano ducks his head as Sebastian eases him out of the vehicle and into Sebastian’s arms.  Stefano feels much lighter than a man his height should be, much lighter than he was in Union even.  Sebastian wonders how much muscle he has lost since he’s been in STEM, but abandons that thought because it is only going to make him angry at Mobius again.

 

Stefano relaxes against Sebastian’s chest almost immediately, and Sebastian feels a little thrill of pride that he can put Stefano at ease like this, or perhaps Stefano is just too tired to object.  Stefano does stay alert enough to lock the car once Sebastian has closed the door, but the keycard doors pose a different kind of challenge.  They require Stefano to swipe the keycard and then grab the door handle and Sebastian to back up until the door is open and then somehow maneuver himself and Stefano through before it closes again.  It takes a few tries for them to get it right, and even though they are both exhausted, or maybe because of that exhaustion, they are both laughing when they finally manage to enter the room.

 

Sebastian sets Stefano down carefully on the second bed, turns to Lily, and notes that she is still shivering.  “I’m going to see if a warm bath will help Lily,” Sebastian says.  Stefano nods and wraps his blanket more securely around himself before closing his eye.

 

The bathroom, Sebastian is pleased to find, is also clean and everything seems to be in working order.  He starts running a bath for Lily, and returns to the bedroom, where he crouches down next to her.

 

“Lily,” he says softly, running a hand through her hair.  She opens her eyes and turns toward him.  “Can you come with me and take a bath now?  I think it’ll help you warm up.”

 

“Okay,” Lily says, rubbing at her eyes, and Sebastian picks her up again and carries her into the bathroom.  He sets her down so that she is sitting on the edge of the tub and grabs the hem of her shirt, but she swats his hands away.  “Dad, I know how to take a bath,” she says with some annoyance.

 

Her sudden display of independence catches Sebastian by surprise until he realizes that they haven’t seen each other in five years.  It’s almost like getting to know a new person, even though the foundation of their relationship is still there.

 

“Are you sure you don’t need help getting in the tub?” Sebastian asks cautiously, but Lily waves him away.

 

“I’ll be fine,” she says.  “I’ve only done it like a thousand times.”

 

Sebastian is skeptical.  “Can you even move your legs enough to get into the tub?”

 

Lily raises her eyebrows at him and lifts her legs, one at a time.  It appears to take some effort, but she is able to move them.  “Go check on Mr. Valentini or something.”

 

By now the tub is full, so Sebastian shuts off the water and checks the temperature.  While he wants to respect Lily’s privacy, he is not pleased with the idea of having her out of his sight again.  He starts to slowly back toward the door.

 

“Be careful,” he says.  “Don’t fall asleep in there.”

 

Lily rolls her eyes.  “I won’t.”

 

“I’m leaving the door open a crack,” Sebastian says as he pulls it most of the way closed.

 

“Fine,” Lily replies.

 

“Just yell for me if you need anything,” Sebastian calls through the door.

 

“Okay,” Lily calls back.

 

Sebastian briefly considers standing right outside the bathroom door until Lily is done, but even he thinks that might be a little excessive.  Instead, he puts the “do not disturb” sign on the door to the room, turns the deadbolt and sets the privacy latch, and returns to Stefano, who is curled up under his blanket shivering so hard that his teeth are chattering.  Sebastian approaches the bed, leaning over Stefano to place a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Hey-” he starts to say before Stefano’s eye flies open and he jerks away from Sebastian with a yelp.  Sebastian quickly steps back from the bed, raising his hands up to his chest, palms facing Stefano.  “Sorry, sorry,” he says quickly.  “It’s just me.”

 

Stefano is still shaking, and his eye is wide, but after a few more breaths, he seems to relax a little.  “No, I’m sorry,” he says.  “You just startled me.”

 

Sebastian is pretty sure that it’s more than that, because the look in Stefano’s eye, even after he was awake, even after he registered that it was Sebastian who was standing over him, was pure, unbridled terror, but if Stefano doesn’t want to talk about it right now, Sebastian isn’t going to force the issue.

 

“Can we get you under some more blankets?”  Sebastian asks.  “Just to warm up some more until Lily’s done in the bathtub?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, still eyeing Sebastian warily.

 

“Can I help you do that?” Sebastian asks, maintaining his distance from Stefano.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says with a nod.  “Again, I apologize.”

 

Sebastian kneels down beside the bed, bringing himself more on level with Stefano.  “No need to apologize,” he says.  “I think that’s a pretty normal reaction after the day you’ve had.”

 

Stefano nods.  He looks a little relieved, but Sebastian can still see tension straining the muscles of his face.

 

“Okay if I take your shoes off?” Sebastian asks, going back to the way he addressed Stefano in the dungeon the first time.  It may be a little overly cautious, but Sebastian prefers that to being too overbearing.  Stefano is already showing signs of shutting down, as Sebastian has seen him do before in stressful situations, and Sebastian wants to respect his wishes as much as possible.

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian shifts down to his feet and removes his shoes, setting them on the floor beside the bed.

 

“I’m just going to wrap some of these blankets around you, alright?”  Sebastian says, and Stefano nods.  Sebastian notes that his breathing quickens as Sebastian stands up and walks to the other side of the bed.  He untucks the blankets so that he can wrap them around Stefano.

 

Stefano doesn’t flinch as Sebastian arranges the blankets over him, though he doesn’t take his eye off Sebastian the entire time.  Sebastian can’t be sure if Stefano is actually calmer or if he has just managed to suppress his reactions, but he suspects the latter, because the tension is still visible in Stefano’s face.  When Sebastian is finished with the blankets, he kneels beside the bed again, resting his elbows on the mattress next to Stefano.

 

“Stefano, we don’t have to talk about this now,” Sebastian says.  “But I am so sorry.  I’m sorry that I hurt you, and I swear to you that I will never do it again.”

 

“I know that,” Stefano replies in a soft, uncertain voice.  “That’s not the problem.  It’s… it’s more complicated than that.”

 

“Then let’s save it for a time when you’re feeling better,” Sebastian suggests.  “You look exhausted.  What can I do to help?”

 

Stefano hesitates for a moment, then smiles.  “I don’t suppose you could be persuaded to lend me some body heat?”

 

Sebastian’s heart leaps at that suggestion, because he wishes more than anything to return to the time before he hurt Stefano- before he was forced to hurt Stefano, he tries to remind himself- and Stefano’s request echoes the one he made back in Hoffman’s safe house.  He wants nothing more than to share some body heat with Stefano.

 

“I think I can manage that,” he says with a smile.  Then, because he isn’t sure what would make Stefano the most comfortable, he asks, “How do you want to do this?”

 

Stefano lifts the blankets.  “Come here,” he says, sounding almost shy.

 

Sebastian removes his boots before he eases onto the bed next to Stefano, keeping his movements slow and controlled.  He lies down beside Stefano, pulling the blankets over both of them, and Stefano turns his back to Sebastian and scoots back until their bodies are flush together.  Sebastian is temporarily frozen, unsure whether making further contact will upset Stefano.

 

“It’s okay,” Stefano murmurs.  “You can put your arms around me.”

 

And Sebastian does, resting his face on Stefano’s neck and wrapping his arms around Stefano’s waist.  Stefano presses back against him, still shivering, and Sebastian holds him close, willing more of his body warmth to transfer to Stefano.

 

They lie like that for several minutes, until Stefano’s breathing slows and evens out, and even then, Sebastian wants to press closer, to touch more, to kiss Stefano’s neck and face, to let his hands roam all over Stefano’s body.  He resists all of these urges, because Stefano seems so fragile at the moment, and Sebastian is afraid that one wrong move, even just one slightly careless move, could shatter him.

 

Trust is a funny thing, after all.  It takes so much time to build, but only one second to destroy, and Sebastian is sure that he destroyed Stefano’s trust in him in Theodore’s dungeon.  He hopes that it can be rebuilt in time, because seeing the way Stefano looked at him a few minutes ago, the terror in his eyes, made Sebastian feel physically ill.  He sighs, determined to let it go for the moment, because it certainly won’t help matters to make Stefano discuss it before he’s ready.

 

“This is nice,” Stefano says quietly, and Sebastian is a little surprised because up until now, he actually thought Stefano had fallen asleep.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies.  It does feel nice to hold Stefano, to have his whole body pressed up against Stefano, even if Stefano is still shivering and possibly afraid of him.

 

“I’ve been alone for too long,” Stefano says, and there is a note of sadness in his voice or maybe resignation.

 

“Me too,” Sebastian murmurs, because he knows exactly what Stefano is talking about.  He felt it somewhat in STEM, but now that they are away from immediate danger, the simple pleasure of affectionate physical contact is so overwhelmingly obvious to him that he doesn’t know how he went so many years without it.

 

Sebastian is still savoring the feeling of Stefano’s body pressing back against his when Lily calls from the bathroom.

 

“Dad?”

 

“Lily?”  He is on his feet immediately and opening the bathroom door within seconds, ready to protect her from… no one, it seems.  Lily is seated on the edge of the tub fully dressed again, though her damp hair indicates that she has finished her bath.  She smiles at him, clearly amused by his unnecessarily urgent response, as he tries to calm his racing heart.  Simply hearing his name in Lily’s voice after so much time is enough to get his adrenaline going.

 

“Do you feel warmer?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Lily replies, and Sebastian notes that her face is tinged with pink and she is no longer shivering.

 

“Then let’s get you to bed,” Sebastian says, reaching out to pull her into his arms.  She laughs, wrapping her arms around his neck, and allows him to carry her into the bedroom, pull back the sheets and blankets, and tuck her in.  Sebastian kisses her on the forehead.

 

“I’m going to try to get Mr. Valentini warmed up,” Sebastian explains to Lily.  “I’ll be back after that.”

 

Lily yawns and rolls over to face the wall.  “Okay.  Goodnight, Dad.”

 

“Goodnight Lily,” Sebastian says.  He is almost choking on the words, because he has said goodnight to Lily every night for the last five years, but this is the first time he’s actually been able to say it to Lily herself.  Swallowing the lump that rises in his throat, he goes to the bathroom and starts filling the tub again for Stefano.

 

When Sebastian returns to the bedroom, Stefano has rolled over and is looking at him.

 

“Do you feel up to taking a bath?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I’ll try anything to stop being so cold,” Stefano answers.

 

“Can I carry you?” Sebastian asks.  Even though it’s been okay in the past, he doesn’t want to reach for Stefano without his permission.

 

Stefano nods, throws off the blankets, and scoots to the edge of the bed, and Sebastian lifts him up, holding him close to his chest as he walks to the bathroom.  He sets Stefano down on the edge of the tub.

 

“Are you also going to tell me that you’re perfectly capable of taking a bath on your own?” Sebastian asks, sounding a bit more sarcastic than he intended.

 

“Actually, I would not mind some help,” Stefano says, “if you are offering...”

 

“I am,” Sebastian says with a smile.  He kneels down in front of Stefano.  “Can I help you get undressed?”

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian helps him slip out of his shirt and pants, which isn’t too difficult since they are too large for him anyway.  Sebastian hooks his fingers into the waistband of Stefano’s briefs, but looks up at him for confirmation that this is okay.  Stefano looks away from Sebastian but nods again, and Sebastian slips off his underwear.

 

When Sebastian glances back up at Stefano, he can see that Stefano’s visible cheek is blushing red, and Sebastian remembers that two of the last three times Stefano was naked in front of him, he was also restrained and scared and probably feeling very vulnerable.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says, placing a hand tentatively on Stefano’s knee, which causes Stefano to look back at him.  “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.  I’m here to help you just like before.”

 

Stefano nods once more, and even though Sebastian is very concerned with how quiet Stefano is and how detached he seems to be, he is much more concerned with Stefano’s continued shivering.  He reaches over and turns off the faucet.

 

“Is that too warm?” he asks Stefano.

 

Stefano dips a hand into the water.  “No, it feels fine,” he replies.

 

“Can I help you in?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says.

 

Sebastian rolls up his sleeves to the elbow.  He supports Stefano’s back and helps him swing his legs over the side of the tub.  Then Sebastian eases him down into the water.  Stefano sighs deeply and leans back, resting his head and neck on the edge of the tub so that he is almost completely submerged in warm water.

 

Stefano’s eye is half-lidded and his chest is rising and falling with each deep breath, and Sebastian can only imagine how being enveloped in warm water feels to him, especially since he has had more than his share of pain recently.  It makes Sebastian want to see more of Stefano like this, to make Stefano feel good, to see him pant and moan and arch up into Sebastian’s touch. 

 

Sebastian has to halt that train of thought, because at the moment Stefano is relying on him for comfort and assistance, and it is definitely the wrong time to be thinking arousing thoughts.

 

Stefano opens his eye, gazing at Sebastian.

 

“Better?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes, very much,” Stefano replies.

 

“Should I step out?” Sebastian asks, realizing that perhaps Stefano just needed help getting into the tub and would prefer to be left alone.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “I think I’d like you to stay.”  Stefano looks genuinely confused about what he would like, so Sebastian just smiles reassuringly and settles himself more comfortably on the floor next to the tub.

 

Stefano closes his eye and soaks for a few more minutes, and Sebastian notices that his shivering is subsiding.  Stefano’s face is relaxed, his expression almost blissful, and it tugs at Sebastian heart to think of how long it might have been since Stefano felt comfort or safety or pleasure.  STEM has been hard on all of them, but at least he and Lily lived very comfortably prior to STEM.  He doesn’t know everything about Stefano’s past of course, but what he does know is traumatic.

 

Stefano opens his eye again.  “Could you hand me a washcloth please?” he asks, gesturing to the towel rack behind Sebastian.  “I don’t want to try to guess the last time I had a proper bath.”

 

Sebastian laughs.  “Fair enough,” he says.  “I don’t think Mobius’ bathtubs count.”  He reaches up to grab a clean washcloth from the towel rack and hands it to Stefano. 

 

Stefano takes the washcloth, wets it, and soaps it up.  Sebastian sits quietly, doing his best not to stare at Stefano while he washes his face, then handing him the shampoo so that he can wash his hair.  Stefano is clearly very aware of his bad eye, because as soon as he is finished rinsing his hair, he is arranging it to cover the right side of his face again.

 

Stefano soaps up the washcloth again and looks at Sebastian hopefully.  “Would you help me with my back?”  The blush is tinting his cheeks again as he speaks.

 

“Of course,” Sebastian replies.  He is a little wary of trying to touch Stefano again, but trauma manifests in many ways, and he is willing to believe that perhaps Stefano is only sensitive about certain areas of his body, or that some other variable may be involved.

 

Sebastian takes the washcloth and Stefano leans forward, exposing his back.  Sebastian starts at Stefano’s shoulders, alert for any signs of fear or discomfort.  Stefano is tense- Sebastian can feel that immediately- but he doesn’t startle or attempt to move away when Sebastian touches him, and after a few gentle strokes of the washcloth over his shoulders, Stefano is sighing deeply and Sebastian can feel his muscles relaxing.

 

Sebastian moves slowly, methodically.  He can tell that this isn’t just about helping Stefano get clean.  That’s the cover story, of course, but it seems that what Stefano really needs at the moment is physical comfort, though for some reason he’s afraid to ask for it directly.  So Sebastian takes his time, letting the washcloth glide over Stefano’s back in lazy circles that keep time with Stefano’s breathing.

 

As he works, he notes that Stefano’s skin is very pale and very soft and that his ribs and spine are much more prominent than they should be.  He doesn’t comment on any of this, since most of it is probably Mobius’ doing.  He makes his way down to Stefano’s lower back, then reapplies soap and places the washcloth at Stefano’s shoulder again.

 

“Okay if I do your arms?” he asks.  Stefano’s body language would suggest that he is enjoying Sebastian’s attentions so far, though he is a little more quiet and reserved than usual.

 

“Yes, please,” Stefano says softly, adjusting himself to sit more upright.  Sebastian slides the washcloth down the outside of his arm and then back up the inside, taking care to keep the pressure gentle but firm enough not to tickle.  The memory of Stefano squirming around under him on Hoffman’s couch brings a smile to his face, but he doesn’t think that tickling Stefano is a good idea at the moment.

 

He keeps eye contact with Stefano as he reaches across his body to wash his other arm, but Stefano only smiles mildly at him, then closes his eye as the washcloth touches him again.  When he is finished with that arm, Sebastian soaps the washcloth again and looks to Stefano for guidance.  Stefano’s eye is open, and he looks like he is struggling with a major internal conflict.

 

“Want to take over?” Sebastian asks with a reassuring smile.

 

“I think I should,” Stefano says, looking relieved.  Sebastian nods and hands over the washcloth.  He would have liked to wash more of Stefano, of course, but he is also sure that Stefano is struggling with some painful memories, some of which concern Sebastian himself, and he doesn’t want to touch Stefano unless he is sure that those touches would be welcome.

 

Sebastian waits patiently, eyes fixed on the opposite wall, as Stefano finishes washing himself, then helps him out of the tub and hands him a towel to dry off with.  Sebastian notes as Stefano dries himself that, much like Lily, he can move his legs to some degree, though apparently not enough to support his weight. Sebastian helps Stefano back into his clothes, taking care to stay calm and reassuring and professional the whole time, because Stefano is blushing furiously again, and carries him back to the bedroom.

 

It proves to be a little difficult for him to hold Stefano and also flip back the sheets and blankets, but he manages it, and within just a few minutes, Stefano is under the covers and his eyelid is already starting to droop.

 

Sebastian glances over at the other bed to confirm that Lily is still there and sleeping peacefully.  As much as he wants to crawl into one of those beds himself, he definitely needs a shower, so he goes into the bathroom, turns on the shower, and strips down.  A quick glance in the mirror tells him that he already has bruises forming on his chest and thigh from where Kidman kicked him earlier, and he glances down to see one on his shin as well.  It’s a shame there is no green gel here to treat them.

 

The hot water feels amazing, but Sebastian rushes through his shower simply because every moment that he is away from Lily and Stefano, the tension inside him rises, and he imagines what could be going on out there, and by the time he shuts off the water his heart is pounding.  He towels off and realizes, much to his dismay, that his only option is to get dressed in the same clothes he’s been wearing, which seems to defeat the purpose of showering.  Nevertheless, he does it and returns to the bedroom.

 

To his surprise, Lily and Stefano are now sleeping at opposite ends of the same bed, which raises some questions, namely how Lily got from her bed into Stefano’s and where Sebastian is supposed to sleep.  The second question is answered when Stefano lifts his head from the pillow, sees Sebastian, and pats the bed between himself and Lily.

 

Sebastian’s initial reaction is that two grown men sharing a bed with a ten year old girl is really inappropriate.  He also has to admit that he doesn’t want to be more than an arm’s length from either Lily or Stefano at the moment, so he’s willing to give it a try.  He collapses onto the bed in between them, manages to work his way under the covers, and is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

 

The sleeping arrangement turns out to be a really good idea, because about an hour into the night, Stefano wakes up with a strangled cry, struggling violently against the blankets.  Sebastian says his name, places a hand on his shoulder, then grunts as Stefano’s elbow catches him in the chest, but that finally seems to snap Stefano out of it.

 

Stefano whispers an apology, and his body is still trembling as he rolls over onto his front and buries his face in the pillow.  Sebastian knows he is taking a risk, but he places his hand lightly on Stefano’s back, moving it in slow circles.  Stefano doesn’t react at first, but his shaking gradually lessens and his breathing returns to normal under Sebastian’s gentle back rub and murmured reassurances, and before long both of them are asleep again.

 

A couple of hours after that, Lily emits a loud yelp and then begins to cry.  She is inconsolable for several minutes, but Sebastian holds her in his arms and Stefano sings something that must be an Italian lullaby, because Sebastian doesn’t understand a word of it, but it helps all of them drift back to sleep.

 

Not long after that, Sebastian himself wakes up sobbing with Myra’s name on his lips.  It is hard to stay upset though, because Stefano and Lily are each draped halfway over him, and Stefano is singing again, and Lily is telling him that she loves him, and soon they are all sleeping huddled together.  Things certainly aren’t perfect, but Sebastian feels a sense of peace that he hasn’t felt in a long time.

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t talk like that,” Sebastian admonishes. “You don’t owe me anything, but I… I think it would make Lily really happy if you stay with us.”
> 
> “Just Lily?” Stefano says, raising an eyebrow even though Sebastian can’t see his face at this angle.
> 
> Sebastian laughs. “I guess I’m also a little attached to you.”

 

 

Stefano wakes up to the sound of rain and a faint light coming from around the edges of the curtains.  Being warm in his bed, cocooned in blankets, while the rain beats down outside makes him feel cozy and comfortable, and he can’t think of any reason to get out of bed yet.  He stretches, wondering why he is so sore and what he did yesterday.  When he rolls over, trying to block out the light, he encounters something warm and solid.  He breathes deeply, inhaling a rich masculine aroma.  Yes, there is definitely a man in his bed, and now he is really wondering what happened yesterday.

 

He throws an arm over this mysterious man’s chest and a leg over his legs and arches his back to press up against him, nuzzling his face into the man’s bearded chin, which is a little unusual since he’s normally more attracted to clean-shaven men.  The man wraps an arm around his back and turns his face to kiss Stefano’s forehead, and Stefano is surprised both by the affectionate gesture and the fact that this man is still here this morning.

 

Then Stefano rubs his palm across the man’s chest and realizes that this man is fully clothed, and that in fact he is also fully clothed himself, and now he is even more confused.  He is still thinking it over when the man speaks, his voice a low rumble in Stefano’s ear.

 

“Good morning,” says Sebastian.  That familiar voice immediately jolts Stefano back to reality, and suddenly he remembers everything that happened yesterday.  He raises his head, looks at Lily, who is fast asleep with her head pillowed on Sebastian’s other shoulder, then looks at Sebastian who is sprawled on his back smiling lazily up at him and looking perfectly content.

 

“Good morning,” Stefano says, sighing deeply and letting his head rest on Sebastian’s shoulder again.  “I’m sorry for being so forward,” he says, shifting his leg off of Sebastian, but keeping his body pressed close along Sebastian’s side.  “I was a little confused when I woke up.”

 

“I’m not complaining,” Sebastian says, rubbing Stefano’s back.  “Besides, I think we all had kind of a rough night.”

 

Stefano can’t argue with that.  He remembers waking up at least once to comfort Sebastian and once for Lily, and he remembers his own indistinct, formless nightmares, the darkness and the fear and the anticipation of pain.  He shudders as he remembers it, and Sebastian’s arm tightens around him.

 

“It never rained in Union,” Stefano says, as he realizes abruptly why the sound of the rain and this feeling of lying in bed on a wet, dreary day are so novel.

 

“What?” Sebastian says.  “Really?”

 

“Not once,” Stefano replies.  “It was always mild and sunny.”

 

“That’s fucking crazy,” Sebastian says.

 

“Dad.  Language,” Lily mutters sleepily before she rolls over to press her back against Sebastian’s side.

 

“She’s right,” Stefano says, feeling a smile tugging at his mouth.  “Time to start being responsible.”

 

“Not gonna happen,” Sebastian replies.  “Myra was the responsible parent.”

 

As soon as Sebastian finishes that sentence, Stefano feels his breath catch, feels him start to tense up, and he begins to make slow circles with his hand on Sebastian’s chest.

 

Sebastian releases a long, shuddering breath.  “I can’t believe I got to see her again and then I lost her, all in the same day.”

 

Stefano lets his palm come to rest over Sebastian’s heart, feeling its strong, steady beat pulsing against his hand.  “It was quite a day, and it seems that Myra was quite an exceptional person.”  He pauses, not sure if this is the time to begin this discussion, but it seems as good a time as any.  “She helped me defeat Theodore.”

 

“What-” Sebastian starts to say, but Lily, who is suddenly wide awake, cuts him off.

 

“She did?” Lily asks, flipping over to look at Stefano.  “I knew she would!  I asked her to.”

 

“What?” Stefano and Sebastian say in unison.

 

“Oh!” Sebastian says.  “That’s what you were doing right before Kidman extracted us!  I almost forgot.”

 

“Yes,” Lily says, looking pleased with herself.  “When you were so mad because Ms. Kidman said she wasn’t going to help Mr. Valentini, I asked Mom if she would help him.”

 

And just like that, a major puzzle piece falls into place for Stefano, because while he hadn’t questioned Theodore’s death by the white tentacle creature, he realizes now that it could only have been Myra, and that Myra wouldn’t have known, or perhaps wouldn’t have wanted, to help him without Lily’s intervention.

 

“Lily, your mother probably saved my life,” Stefano says.  “Obscura and I were fighting very hard, but Theodore was so powerful…”  Stefano doesn’t want to get into the details of his battle with Theodore or Theodore’s death, because they really aren’t appropriate for a child, so he just says, “Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Lily says with a smile.  She looks at Sebastian, “Dad, can I watch TV?”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian answers, and Lily gathers up one of the blankets and scoots to the end of the bed.

 

“Do you need-” Sebastian starts to say, but Lily has already tentatively set her feet on the ground, bracing her hands on the bed.  She pushes off, and manages to take a couple of wobbly steps before she can brace herself on the other bed, which is closer to the TV, and pull herself up onto it.  She flashes a grin at Sebastian, who is half sitting up with one arm stretched toward her, then reaches over to grab the remote from the bedside table.

 

Sebastian lies back down, taking Stefano with him, as Lily turns on the TV and starts flipping channels.  He begins to rub Stefano’s back again.

 

“Are you alright?” he murmurs to Stefano, voice low enough that Lily can’t hear him.  “After dealing with Theodore, I mean?”

 

“I will be,” Stefano says.  It’s as close to the truth as he wants to get.  He is not alright now, not even close, but he knows that he is safe with Sebastian and he hopes that over time those painful memories will fade.

 

Sebastian’s arm around him gives him a gentle squeeze, and Sebastian’s other hand comes to rest over Stefano’s.  “You’ll tell me if there’s anything I can do to help, right?”

 

Stefano smiles against Sebastian.  “You’ve already done so much.  I don’t know if I will ever be able to repay you.”

 

“Don’t talk like that,” Sebastian admonishes.  “You don’t owe me anything, but I… I think it would make Lily really happy if you stay with us.”

 

“Just Lily?” Stefano says, raising an eyebrow even though Sebastian can’t see his face at this angle.

 

Sebastian laughs.  “I guess I’m also a little attached to you.”

 

They lapse into a comfortable silence, and Stefano is just starting to be lulled back to sleep by the narrator droning on in the nature program Lily is watching, when Sebastian speaks again.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says with a yawn.

 

“Who exactly did you think I was earlier this morning?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano can feel his face flushing hot, because now that he is fully awake, he is mortified by the way he draped himself over Sebastian and rubbed up against him.

 

“No one in particular,” he says.  “I just didn’t really remember anything, and you were in my bed, and I sort of assumed…”  He lets his voice trail off as he hides his face against Sebastian’s chest, because surely Sebastian can imagine what he assumed.

 

“I see,” Sebastian says.  “Well it was a very nice way to wake up.”

 

“Agreed,” Stefano says quietly into Sebastian’s shirt, while Sebastian rubs his back encouragingly.

 

Stefano basks in the warmth and comfort of Sebastian’s embrace, listening to the rain outside, breathing in Sebastian’s scent, and feeling Sebastian’s chest rise and fall under him, until he drifts off to sleep again.  This time it is warm and pleasant and dreamless.

 

 

 

 

“Dad.”  Lily’s voice tugs Stefano back into the waking world.

 

“Hmm?” says Sebastian sleepily from underneath him.

 

“Dad, I’m starving,” Lily says.

 

“Me too,” Sebastian answers, stretching and yawning theatrically.  “Stefano?”

 

“Also starving,” Stefano replies.  He doesn’t remember feeling hungry last night, but now he feels like he hasn’t eaten in days.

 

“Well then,” Sebastian says with one more stretch.  “Let’s go get some food.”

 

Stefano finds that, like Lily, he is able to support some of his weight this morning, though he is a long way from being able to get around efficiently.  His legs don’t hurt exactly, but they feel clumsy and unresponsive, and it is difficult to lift his feet enough to walk properly.

 

He is still leaning heavily on Sebastian when they enter the diner across the street from their hotel.  It’s a tiny, grubby sort of place where everything, including the furniture, has a thin sheen of grease on it, but the smell coming from the kitchen is intoxicating.  Three older men wearing flannel shirts look up from their discussion in surprise when the bell on the door announces Sebastian and Stefano’s presence, and their expressions convey a kind of small-town wariness.  It has no effect on Stefano, who is an outsider everywhere he goes.

 

Sebastian helps him into a booth, and then jogs back to the SUV to get Lily, who he seems disinclined to leave alone for even ten seconds at a time.  Stefano can understand Sebastian’s vigilance after everything that has happened with Mobius and STEM, but Sebastian seems like the kind of person who could very easily cross the line into over-protectiveness, like Myra did in Union.

 

Sebastian returns with Lily in his arms, and now the locals are eyeing them with even more suspicion.  Sebastian sets Lily down across from Stefano and slides in beside her.  The waitress is right behind them, with menus and coffee.

 

“Dad, can I get a milkshake?” Lily asks, after looking at the menu for approximately a half-second.

 

“Absolutely not,” Sebastian says, without looking up from his own menu.  “You can’t have a milkshake before noon.  It’s illegal.”  He winks at the waitress, who stifles a laugh before she finishes pouring Stefano’s coffee and heads back into the kitchen.

 

“You know I’m not five anymore, right?” Lily says with a huff.  “I know there aren’t any laws about milkshakes.”

 

“Well I had to know all of the laws when I was with KCPD,” Sebastian says, now scanning their surroundings with his eyes, “and I think you’d be surprised.”  Despite the undercurrent of unease and the tension that Stefano can detect bunched up in his neck and shoulders, Sebastian seems to be in high spirits.  He glances at Stefano.  “You’ll back me up on this.  Right, Stefano?”

 

“I don’t know about that,” Stefano says thoughtfully with a sidelong glance at Lily.  “Where are we?  Do you even have jurisdiction here?”

 

Lily gives Sebastian a pointed look, but Sebastian is quick on his feet.  “I have Dad jurisdiction,” he fires back.  “No milkshakes for breakfast.  We’ll have plenty of time to get one later.”

 

Lily groans dramatically but goes back to looking at the menu, and Stefano takes a sip of his coffee.  It’s not bad, but it’s certainly not the same as the coffee from the Mobius safe houses.  For one thing, he doubts it has any healing properties.  It feels strange in his throat, and he realizes that it has probably been some time since he consumed food the traditional way, which brings him to another question.

 

“What day is it?” he asks Sebastian.

 

Sebastian reaches into the pocket of his jacket and pulls out a cell phone, setting it on the table before he responds.  “October 14th, 2017.”

 

Stefano casts about in his mind, trying to come up with his most recent memory from before Union, but all of them are quite hazy and don’t contain any helpful details that would allow him to establish a timeline.  Sebastian must be able to guess what he is trying to do though.

 

“If it helps,” Sebastian says, furrowing his brow in concentration, “I think Mobius only started up the Union STEM system within the last two years or so.  Beacon was three years ago, and some of the documents I found in Union referenced the Beacon incident.”

 

Stefano nods.  “It is very difficult to remember the details, the daily activities…”  He stops speaking, but he and Sebastian share a meaningful look over their menus.  What he does remember, of course, are the traumatic events, the ones that Theodore latched onto and brought to the forefront of his mind.  He hopes that over time, maybe he will be able to regain some of the more pleasant memories.

 

As he is racking his brain for some flash of what his life used to be like before Union, the waitress returns to take their order.  Lily asks for the chocolate-chip pancakes, Sebastian orders what seems to be half of the menu, and Stefano, who is fairly certain that this isn’t the kind of food he would normally eat, settles on a combination breakfast platter.  Frankly, he is so hungry, and the smells coming from the kitchen are so enticing, that he is ready to eat anything that is put in front of him.

 

After the waitress leaves and Stefano has had another long drink of coffee, he fixes Sebastian with a look, because he has realized that he has no idea what the next step in their plan is.  Everything had been so focused on taking down Theodore and escaping from STEM that Stefano is only now thinking ahead to what happens next.

 

“What?” Sebastian asks finally, setting his coffee mug down on the table.

 

“Where do we go next?” Stefano asks.  “Are we near your home?”

 

“Sort of,” Sebastian answers, “but we’re not going back there.  Mobius definitely knows where I live.”

 

“Mobius is gone,” Stefano says evenly, looking Sebastian right in the eye, because he was concerned about something like this.  “That was the entire purpose of Myra’s plan, was it not?  To bring down the whole organization?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian says with a sigh.  “That was the plan, but Kidman could only be sure that we got everyone on the Union project.  Apparently there’s a lot of secrecy, even within the organization, and she couldn’t tell me whether there are other branches or affiliates or even rival companies who might come after a known Core candidate.”

 

Stefano opens his mouth to speak, to try to reassure Sebastian that this seems like a very remote possibility, but Sebastian cuts him off.

 

“Look,” Sebastian says, sounding a little annoyed now.  “I know this makes me sound really paranoid, but you have to remember that Myra tried to tell me about Mobius years ago, and I didn’t believe her because it sounded like some crackpot conspiracy theory.”  He scrubs a hand over his face.

 

“And that cost me so much,” he continues, looking at Stefano again with eyes that are brimming with tears.  “It cost me years without Myra and Lily, and it cost Myra her life.  And I won’t risk Mobius getting their hands on Lily again, not when the stakes are so high.”

 

Both of them glance over at Lily, who has gone suspiciously quiet and seems to be concentrating avidly on folding a paper napkin into smaller and smaller triangles.  Stefano turns back to Sebastian and reaches across to place his hand on Sebastian’s forearm where it rests on the table.

 

“Sebastian,” he says gently, “I agree with you that a certain amount of caution is warranted, but there is a limit.  There needs to be a limit.  Otherwise you are going to become what Myra was in STEM.  If you are running from Mobius forever, you may be able to protect Lily, but she won’t have much of a life.”

 

Sebastian shifts so that his elbows are resting on the table, drops his head into his hands, and sighs deeply.  When he lifts his head again, his eyes are still red-rimmed, but he looks determined.  “You’re right, but I at least need to get her away from here.  I need to make sure we’re not being followed.”  He looks earnestly into Stefano’s face.  “So let’s take a trip.  Let’s get some supplies and get in the truck and just drive, and when we’ve got some distance and some time away from Mobius, then we can find somewhere to actually settle down.”

 

“Can we afford that?” Stefano asks.  It’s a strange thing to have to ask.  Money was never an issue for him in Union, but in this world, he has nothing.

 

Sebastian nods.  “Kidman gave me some money.  Apparently it came from Mobius’ bank account.  Of course, it can’t even begin to make up for what Mobius did to you and Lily, but I think we can live off of it for six months or so.”

 

“I assume she also provided you the vehicle?” Stefano asks.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.  “Most of this was actually her idea.  She thought the safest thing to do was just to let anyone who would investigate think that we all died in STEM.  That’s why I can’t go back to my apartment.”

 

Their food arrives then, which brings the conversation to a halt.  Stefano is sure that his ravenous hunger is clouding his perspective a bit, but the food tastes amazing, and they spend the next several minutes eating in companionable silence.

 

As he eats, Stefano reflects on what Sebastian said about Kidman.  If Kidman gave them a large amount of cash and a vehicle, clearly she also intended them to abandon any ties to Krimson City and travel elsewhere, which lends some credibility to Sebastian’s idea that they are still in some kind of danger.  It is not that Stefano doesn’t trust Sebastian’s judgment, but if he has learned anything in their time together, it is that Sebastian is fiercely protective of the ones he loves, sometimes to the exclusion of rational thought.  In this case though, it seems that Sebastian’s instincts may be correct, or at least not ridiculous.

 

When Stefano has sated his hunger and Sebastian has paused in his eating to try to ply Lily and Stefano with his leftover bacon, Stefano speaks.

 

“Very well then.  Let’s take that trip you were talking about.”

 

Lily lets out a whoop of joy, demonstrating to Stefano that she has been listening the whole time and that they will have to be more careful in the future.  Sebastian smiles, and his foot brushes Stefano’s leg under the table just for a moment.  They finish eating, and Sebastian pays the bill, and then they make their way awkwardly to the SUV to go on their supply run.

 

Their next stop is at one of those superstores with a parking lot the size of a small country.  After some debate, Stefano agrees to stay in the SUV with Lily, as neither one of them is mobile enough to take on the superstore at the moment.

 

Sebastian insists that he is only going to be picking up a couple of outfits for each of them and some toiletries, and that they’ll make another supply run soon, but Stefano has absolutely no faith in Sebastian’s fashion sense or shopping abilities, or that this store sells anything that he would even consider wearing.

 

Sebastian apparently has some kind of faith in Stefano though, because he hands him a revolver and tells him to use it to protect Lily.  Stefano is so surprised that he just takes it and nods.  Firearms are not his weapon of choice, but he has fired a gun before, so if the need arises he is confident that he will be able to use it.

 

No sooner has Sebastian closed the door and begun walking across the parking lot, than Lily starts in with the questions.

 

“So what happened after Dad and I left?”

 

“Hmm?” Stefano says, because he was lost in a daydream about what kind of horrors Sebastian might come back with.

 

“In Union, when you went to fight Theodore, what happened next?”

 

“Well, Theodore was very angry,” Stefano begins.

 

“I know,” Lily cuts in.  “I could feel his anger.”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says.  “As soon as I left your room, the world had changed so much.  Or at least, Theodore had created such an illusion…”  He pauses, wondering how much of this he can safely explain to Lily.  It seems that some of that would depend on what Lily experienced herself when she was enslaved by Theodore.

 

“What happened to you when you were with Theodore?” he asks as he turns in his seat to look at her.

 

Lily frowns.  “It was like I was having nightmares, but I was awake.  It’s like I wasn’t really there, but I could see… things.”  She twists her mouth and looks at Stefano.  “And I couldn’t stop seeing them.”

 

“Were the nightmares about things that you have seen before?” Stefano asks, trying to determine whether Theodore was actively tormenting Lily the way he did to Stefano and Sebastian or whether Lily was just able to see the illusions Theodore was creating because he was using her power to do it.

 

“No,” says Lily.  “I don’t think so.  I mean, there were all kinds of monsters there, but I don’t remember seeing them before.”

 

“I see,” Stefano says.  “Well, when Theodore fought one of us, he wouldn’t do it himself.  Instead he would use our most terrible memories, the monsters, the things we were afraid of, and Obscura and I were trying to fight our way through when your mother came to help us.”

 

Lily smiles.  “Mom could beat Theodore?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “Theodore was no match for your mother.  And after we escaped from Theodore’s fortress, we found the sign you left us in the street.”

 

Lily’s smile gets even broader.  “So you went to the mirror?”

 

“I did,” Stefano says with a nod, “but I couldn’t use it the way your father can.  I had to use an escape pod.”

 

“Ms. Kidman said she couldn’t extract you the way she did with us,” Lily says, shaking her head.  “Dad was so mad at her.”

 

Stefano feels a little warmer on the inside to know that Sebastian cared enough to argue with Kidman about him.  Truth be told, their plan to get out of STEM had a lot of holes in it, and Stefano never really felt abandoned by Sebastian, but it is still nice to know that Sebastian was fighting for him.  Besides, with how many times Sebastian saved his life in STEM, Stefano is rather proud that he ultimately rescued himself.

 

Lily speaks up again.  “What happened to Obscura?”

 

Stefano had almost forgotten that Lily met Obscura when he captured her.  The two of them interacted surprisingly well considering the fact that Obscura had never met a child before.  So he tells Lily the story of how Obscura found her way back to him, how she helped him and Sebastian over and over again, how she carried him out of Theodore’s stronghold, and about their last moments together.

 

Lily’s face is tearful by the end of the story, and Stefano feels like his own eye might be a little misty.   “I think she was happy though,” he finishes.  “She was still looking for something beautiful to photograph.”

 

Lily nods, and just then, Sebastian returns with his hands full of bags.  He deposits them in the backseat, looks at Lily and Stefano’s faces, and says, “Oh, no.  What did I miss?”

 

“Just talking about Obscura,” Stefano says, wiping his eye.

 

“Oh, right.  I’m sorry,” Sebastian says.  “I mean, I knew she couldn’t… I’m sorry.”  He looks for a moment like he might say more, but he just shakes his head, closes the back door, and climbs into the driver’s seat.  He reaches across the console to take Stefano’s hand, squeezing it briefly.

 

”I’ll be alright,” Stefano says, squeezing back.  Sebastian nods and turns the key in the ignition.

 

“Drinks and snacks are in one of those bags,” he says.  “Let’s hit the road.”

 

Apparently, “hitting the road” for Sebastian means driving without stopping until the car runs out of gas, or the wheels fall off, or they reach a coast and drive right into the ocean, because Stefano and Lily have to keep reminding him to stop for bathroom breaks.  Otherwise though, it is a pleasant trip.  The sun breaks through the clouds in the early afternoon, and the scenery is quaint but very pleasing to the eye.  There are light, often funny conversations, and Stefano also takes a few naps, because he still doesn’t seem to quite have his strength or energy back.

 

When Sebastian decides that he can’t drive safely anymore, they find a motel.  Everyone is exhausted even though it’s only early evening.  Sebastian runs out for a few minutes, leaving his gun with Stefano again, to pick up a pizza at a place they passed on the way in.

 

While Sebastian is out, Stefano and Lily start going through the bags of supplies Sebastian bought.  Stefano is pleasantly surprised at the clothes Sebastian picked out for him.  Of course, they aren’t the brands or even the approximate quality of the clothes he had in Union, but at least Sebastian knows enough to buy dress shirts and dress pants instead of the more casual attire that Sebastian himself seem to favor.

 

Lily is excited to discover that Sebastian has also bought a few books and puzzles, and she is already spreading a jigsaw puzzle out on the table when Sebastian comes back into the room.

 

“Why wasn’t the deadbolt on?” Sebastian asks.  Even though his tone is relatively neutral, the tension in his neck and shoulders is back, and Stefano can tell that he is upset.

 

“My apologies,” Stefano says, because he doesn’t think it’s worth trying to argue with Sebastian about this particular topic.  While he thinks the chance of anyone, Mobius or otherwise, following them is remote, he can appreciate how real it is to Sebastian.

 

Sebastian sighs audibly as he sets the deadbolt himself.  “Just always keep it locked okay?  Especially if I’m not here.”  He walks further into the room, setting the pizza down on the dresser next to the TV.  “I already worry enough about you guys.”

 

Stefano smiles, feeling oddly pleased to know that Sebastian worries about him, because he is fairly confident that no one has been worried about him for quite a while.  No one noticed when he joined up with the Mu Center, no one noticed when he disappeared into Union for years on end, and if Sebastian hadn’t come along, no one would have noticed if he died in there.

 

“I’ll be more careful,” he assures Sebastian, handing his revolver back to him.

 

Sebastian turns on the TV and finds a movie, and they eat their pizza in bed since Lily is still trying to do a puzzle on the only table.  Stefano is starting to wonder if being in STEM has somehow affected his taste buds or if maybe he is just so hungry that everything tastes amazing, because this pizza has no right to taste as good as it does.  When they’ve finished it, Lily announces that she is taking a bath, and makes her way into the bathroom, bouncing from one piece of furniture to another for support.

 

“Will she be alright?” Stefano asks Sebastian.

 

“She made it more than clear last time that she can do it by herself,” Sebastian says, shaking his head.  “I guess I’m having a hard time getting my head around the fact that she’s not five years old anymore.”

 

“You would probably be in the same position even if you had been raising her this whole time,” Stefano offers.  “She’s just asserting her independence.”  Stefano can sympathize, relieved as he is to now be independent of Mobius.

 

Sebastian furrows his brow and seems to be thinking.  “I guess I just feel like I’ve missed so much.”

 

Stefano smiles.  “You still have plenty of time.”  He extends a hand over the night table to Sebastian.  “Come over here.”

 

“If you say so,” Sebastian says with a wink.  He crosses to Stefano’s bed and sits down next to him, leaning his back up against the headboard.

 

“Can I…?” Sebastian extends his arms toward Stefano, stopping short of actually touching him.

 

“Yes, that would be nice,” Stefano says.  He appreciates Sebastian’s deference to what he wants, even though these days he isn’t sure what he wants half the time.  In general, he feels very comfortable with Sebastian, and the idea of Sebastian holding and touching him is quite appealing, but his brain and his body seem to be disconnected sometimes.

 

At the moment though, embracing Sebastian seems like an excellent idea, and he leans into it, letting Sebastian pull him closer so that they are sitting hip to hip, with Sebastian’s arms slung around his waist and his head resting on Sebastian’s shoulder.  They stay like that for a few seconds before Sebastian speaks.

 

“How are your legs feeling?” Sebastian asks, one hand moving to rest on Stefano’s thigh.  Stefano tenses at first, because it is sort of an intimate place to be touched, but Sebastian really is just running his hand over the muscle.  Stefano decides that this is just more of Sebastian’s hands-on approach, and it does feel very nice to have Sebastian’s hands on him again.

 

“Better,” he says, relaxing against Sebastian as Sebastian’s hand moves up and down his leg.

 

Then Sebastian’s touch becomes lighter, and his hand slides up to rest on Stefano’s hip, and Sebastian is turning to press a kiss to his forehead.  Stefano tilts his face up, and Sebastian’s thumb is lightly tracing his left cheek, and then Sebastian’s mouth is on his.  The kiss is slow and gentle and sweet, and Stefano throws an arm over Sebastian’s shoulder and pulls himself closer, letting one of his legs come up to rest on top of Sebastian’s.

 

Sebastian emits a little groan deep in his throat, and then both of his hands are on Stefano’s hips, pulling him even closer, pulling him almost into Sebastian’s lap, and Sebastian’s mouth is firmer on his, and there is a thrill of excitement in his stomach, but his heart is racing, and his breath is catching in his throat, and it feels too much like those moments in Theodore’s dungeon, too much like fear.  He pushes away from Sebastian, who releases his hips and lets his hands travel up to Stefano’s shoulders.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sebastian asks, concern etched in every line of his face.

 

“I… I’m not sure,” Stefano says.  “Can you give me a minute?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Sebastian says, squeezing his shoulders encouragingly.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Stefano thinks about that, but he is not even sure how to begin talking about it.  It’s not something that he is consciously aware of, and most of the time it seems like he doesn’t have any control over it.  It is also incredibly frustrating, because he wants to be intimate with Sebastian, but his body just doesn’t seem to be cooperating.  He sighs in frustration and shakes his head.

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian tells him.  “I’m here if you need me.”

 

Sebastian has been so kind and understanding, and Stefano wants to thank him, wants to say more, wants to explain himself somehow, but since that feels impossible at the moment, he just buries his face in Sebastian’s neck and wraps his arms around his shoulders.  Sebastian holds him close, occasionally murmuring soft words of comfort into his hair, until Lily comes out of the bathroom and resumes her puzzle.

 

When they lie down to sleep that night, much more comfortably now that everyone has pajamas, Stefano reaches over to place a hand on Sebastian’s chest.  In just a few moments, it is covered by Sebastian’s own hand, fingers interlacing with Stefano’s.  Sebastian gives his hand a little squeeze, and Stefano finds himself smiling in the dark before he drifts off to sleep.

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you want from me, Sebastian?” Stefano asks, turning in his seat to face Sebastian. “I’ve already said that I forgive you. What else do you want me to say?”
> 
> “I don’t want you to say anything,” Sebastian replies, feeling deflated, because upsetting Stefano is the last thing Sebastian wants to do, and now Stefano sounds like he is on the defensive. “I… I guess I want you to stop being afraid of me.” He glances at Stefano. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not fair to ask that. I just thought maybe if I could explain myself better, you’d see that-”.
> 
> “Stop,” Stefano says firmly, placing a hand on Sebastian’s forearm which is braced on the armrest. “I am not afraid of you.”

 

 

The morning of their second day on the road is crisp and sunny.  Sebastian wakes up when he feels Stefano’s hand slide from his chest down to his hip, squeezing gently as Stefano shifts to lie even closer to him.  A smile tugs at the corners of Sebastian’s mouth, because sleepy Stefano is kind of handsy, and Sebastian doesn’t mind that at all.

 

He glances to his other side to see that Lily is still sleeping soundly, curled up in a ball.  It seems like she slept through the night without any nightmares, which is more than he can say for himself or Stefano.  Sebastian is starting to think, for a variety of reasons, that it’s probably a good idea for Lily to sleep in her own bed.  Even though Sebastian would rather keep her within arms reach at all times, Stefano does have a point about Lily’s independence.

 

Stefano’s hand tightens on his hip, urging him to turn onto his side, facing Stefano, which he does, wondering if Stefano can really still be asleep at this point and whether he should wake him up or not.  Then Stefano wraps his arms fully around Sebastian, presses close, and rolls his hips in such a way that Sebastian can’t wonder anything anymore.  He can only gasp, and push his hips against Stefano’s, and somewhere in the back of his mind chastise himself for doing this while Stefano is half-asleep and Lily is two feet away from them.

 

Stefano is breathing harder as he continues to rub up against Sebastian, and Sebastian can feel Stefano’s cock, hard inside his pajama pants, pressing against his belly.  It feels fucking great to be warm and cozy and rubbing up against Stefano- so great, in fact, that Sebastian is in danger of getting aroused himself, which he absolutely cannot do when Lily is in bed with them.

 

It takes all of his self control to stop pushing back against Stefano and take him by the shoulders and whisper in his ear.  Sebastian only has to whisper his name once before Stefano starts awake, muscles going taut all at once as he stares at Sebastian in alarm.  A second later, he is letting out a long breath and checking to make sure that his hair is covering his bad eye as Sebastian squeezes his shoulders.  Stefano tends to awaken abruptly and in a state of panic, so Sebastian is used to allowing him some time to calm down.

 

Stefano next glances down and then back up at Sebastian, seemingly horrified at the state of his own body.  “Did I…?” he begins to ask before glancing over at Lily.  Sebastian looks as well and confirms that she is still asleep.

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian says, settling on his back again.  He isn’t sure exactly what Stefano is asking, so he waits for him to elaborate.

 

“Was I just… doing things to you?” Stefano asks, his cheeks tinged with pink.

 

“Kind of,” Sebastian replies with a smile.  “You were just rubbing up against me.”

 

“Oh,” Stefano dips his head, presumably in embarrassment.  “I apologize.  I wasn’t in control of-”

 

“Stop,” Sebastian cuts him off.  “No more apologies.  Not for things like that at least.  Do I need to tell you how much I enjoyed that?”

 

Stefano doesn’t answer, and Sebastian pulls him in close, so that Stefano’s head is resting on his chest and Stefano’s waning erection is pressing against his hip.

 

“That felt amazing for me,” Sebastian murmurs.  “I would have let that go on forever if Lily hadn’t been in bed with us.”

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano says, voice slightly muffled by Sebastian’s T-shirt.  “That is not why I am apologizing though.”

 

“Well, why are you apologizing?” Sebastian asks, though he can already guess that it’s going to be for some other reason that does not require an apology.

 

“Because I fear I am sending you some mixed signals,” Stefano replies.

 

“Ah,” Sebastian says, because now he understands what is going on a little better, and Stefano’s reaction makes more sense.  “You don’t need to worry about that either.”  He pauses.  “Did it feel good for you while we were doing it?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes.  “It was lovely, but…”

 

Sebastian waits for a few seconds, but when Stefano doesn’t finish the sentence, he offers, “But you might not want to do it now, or tomorrow, or ever again.”

 

Stefano lifts his head to look Sebastian in the face.  “Yes,” he says sharply.  “Yes, that’s it exactly.”  He lets his head rest on Sebastian’s chest again.  “And that is acceptable to you?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Sebastian says, dipping his face to kiss the top of Stefano’s head.  “That’s fine.”  He sighs.  “Sometimes it feels like you think I have certain… expectations that I don’t actually have.”

 

Stefano nods against his chest, and Sebastian begins to rub slow circles on his back, letting out a long breath, because he’s known that this would be an issue since the time they talked in Hoffman’s safe house.  He doesn’t know whether this is based on a lack of trust or some expectation that Stefano places upon himself or a negative experience in a past relationship, but it clearly has affected how Stefano perceives sex and intimacy.    Unfortunately, much like the torture session, this isn’t something that can be fixed by words alone.

 

“I know it only does so much good for me to say this,” Sebastian begins, “but I will keep saying it as many times as I have to.”  Stefano raises his head to look at Sebastian as Sebastian continues, “I care about you, and I want you to be comfortable, and I will never force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”  He pauses and Stefano nods.  “So please don’t be afraid to do the things that you want to do when you want to do them.”

 

“I will try,” Stefano says with a sigh as he lays his head back on Sebastian’s chest and wraps an arm around him.  “I know that you see things differently, but for me it feels as though even this-”.  He gestures to Sebastian and himself.  “-should be leading to something else.”

 

“Nothing has to lead to anything,” Sebastian reassures him, because it makes his chest tighten a little to think that Stefano has only experienced affection as part of sex.  After a pause, he adds, “Do you remember why you started thinking that?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “My memories from before Union are very vague.  I have impressions of how I feel about certain things, but very rarely can I remember how those impressions were formed.”

 

“That’s alright,” Sebastian replies.  “Just know that some of them are really, really wrong.”

 

Stefano laughs at that, and Lily stirs next to them.  Stefano starts to pull away, but Sebastian whispers, “Stay, please.  It’s fine,” because Lily has definitely seem them cuddling already, and as long as it’s just cuddling, Sebastian doesn’t feel the need to hide it from her.  He is seriously considering separate beds though if he’s going to be dealing with half-asleep Stefano on a regular basis. 

 

Stefano settles against him, and Lily sits up and gives them both a huge smile as she says her good mornings.

 

Of course, once Lily is awake, Sebastian can’t think about sleeping anymore, because he has to be on alert for anything that may happen to her.  It is a tremendous relief to put on clean clothes, and Stefano and Lily don’t even complain too much about the clothes he picked out for them, although Sebastian is sure they’ll be making another shopping trip sometime in the near future.

 

Stefano and Lily seem to be regaining some of their strength, as this morning they can walk short distances relatively unsupported, which means that now Sebastian’s job is mainly to hover around them, ready to intervene if needed, until one of them shoos him away.  Fortunately they make their way from the motel to the SUV and from the SUV to the pancake house that Lily spots a few miles down the road with no mishaps, and Sebastian is relieved to see both of them eating so well.  Stefano, at least, is much too thin.  Lily seems to be in slightly better condition, though her need for pancakes is insatiable.  At least this time, she is sticking to breakfast food.

 

After only an hour or two on the road, Lily wants to stop at a rest stop and visitor’s center along the highway, and Sebastian grudgingly agrees, because even though it interferes with his plan of getting as far away from Mobius as they can as fast as they can, at least this will be quicker than getting off at an exit.

 

When Sebastian comes out of the bathroom, Lily and Stefano are engrossed in a rack of brochures advertising local attractions.

 

“No,” Sebastian says immediately, before either one of them can speak.  “No, we are not going to see-”.  He glances at the brochures.  “-the World’s Largest Rocking Chair or the Vacuum Cleaner Museum or…or any kind of corn maze,” because according the brochures they are within driving distance of at least three.

 

Stefano raises an eyebrow at him, then turns to Lily.  “Why don’t you see if there are any art exhibits nearby or at least narrow down the list of corn mazes?”

 

Lily eagerly gets to work going through the brochures, and Stefano takes Sebastian by the elbow and leads him a few steps away, which is as far as he is willing to go from Lily.

 

“What do you think you are doing?” Stefano hisses at him.

 

“Not going to the fucking Vacuum Cleaner Museum, that’s what,” Sebastian shoots back.

 

“You don’t have to go to the Vacuum Cleaner Museum, but we are supposed to be on a trip, not some kind of forced march,” Stefano says icily.

 

Sebastian starts to protest, but Stefano hold up a hand, and Sebastian stops, take a deep breath, and lets Stefano speak, because he does respect Stefano’s opinion, even is what he is saying is going to get all of them killed.

 

“I know you are worried about Mobius, but we are already being very proactive.  We are moving around, we are paying cash for everything, and most importantly, we have seen no indication that we are being followed.”  Stefano pauses and stares hard at Sebastian, who nods, because everything Stefano has said is correct.

 

“This is your chance to get to know Lily again.  If you spend it running and hiding in the shadows, you are going to miss that opportunity.”

 

Sebastian takes a step back from Stefano and raises his hands to his face, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands.  He hates to admit it, but Stefano is making a very good point.  Myra used to tell him the same thing- that he spent too much time at work, that he was missing chances to do things with Lily.  That memory hits Sebastian hard, because he knows Myra was right and he has spent years trying to make up for it.  Maybe Stefano is right too, and Sebastian knows he can’t waste any more time if he wants to have a relationship with Lily.  Of course, there is still reason to be cautious, but maybe they can make a few more stops along the way.

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.  “Okay,” he says to Stefano.  “Okay, let’s go see the World’s Largest Easy Chair or whatever it is.”

 

“It’s a rocking chair, I believe, though I’m not sure it actually matters what it is,” Stefano says, a hint of a smile touching his face.  “Just do something with Lily.”

 

“Got it,” Sebastian says.  “Thanks.  I guess I needed a little reality check there.”

 

Stefano’s smile widens.  “After so much time in a false world, I think we all need a reality check from time to time.”

 

Sebastian nods in agreement and turns back to Lily, who has managed to narrow the brochure selection down to four or five.  “Looks like we’ve got a short list,” Sebastian says, with a smile that feels forced.  He hopes Lily doesn’t notice.  “Let’s figure out where we’re going first.”

 

Fortunately Lily has decided that the Vacuum Cleaner Museum is too boring and the corn maze will probably involve too much walking.  Sebastian is secretly relieved, because he isn’t sure that he could handle the mental strain of possibly losing Lily in a corn maze.  He certainly prefers the activities on the list that keep Lily in his line of site.

 

There also doesn’t appear to be any kind of art-related attraction for about a hundred miles in any direction, though Stefano expresses only mild disappointment upon hearing this.  It’s a little hard to get a read on Stefano at the moment, but Sebastian decides that maybe being on a family road trip has put him so far out of his element that he doesn’t even know what he’s feeling.  In fairness to Stefano, he’s been out of his element since Sebastian found him the first time in Theodore’s dungeon, so Sebastian is giving him a lot of latitude, though they are at some point going to have to revisit the question of whether it’s acceptable to murder people for art.

 

They do stop to see the World’s Largest Rocking Chair, which is exactly what it sounds like and entertains Lily for all of two and half minutes.  She is much more interested in some cows in a field next to the rocking chair, which makes Sebastian wonder what kinds of animals existed in STEM.  Probably whatever kind the people hooked into the system could imagine, he decides, though he certainly didn’t see any when he was there.

 

Lily spends a few minutes petting the cows, during which Sebastian has an unfortunate run-in with the electric fence, which in his defense is not the sort of thing one would find in Krimson City.  It hurts like hell, but Lily and Stefano seem to find it hilarious.

 

Lily goes back to petting cows, while Sebastian rubs his recently injured arm and mutters a few more curses under his breath, because why does the fence need to be electric in the first place?  Then Stefano’s hands are on his arms, and Stefano is looking up at him and saying, “Here, if it will make you stop whining…”

 

Sebastian is about to argue that he is not whining, when suddenly Stefano’s mouth is on his, and it is so unexpected and pleasant to be here in the warm sun, kissing Stefano.  Sebastian wraps his arms around Stefano’s waist and pulls Stefano against his body.  Stefano relaxes into him, letting Sebastian support some of his weight, and Sebastian realizes that Stefano must be at least a little tired from walking over here.

 

Stefano’s lips are soft and supple and being removed from Sebastian’s much too soon, so that Stefano can rest his head against Sebastian’s shoulder.  “Better?” he asks.

 

“Is what better?” Sebastian asks, blinking in confusion, before he realizes what Stefano is talking about.  Stefano squeezes Sebastian’s shoulders and muffles his laughter in Sebastian shirt, which doesn’t do much good, because Sebastian is laughing too, and Lily is turning back from the cows to look at them.  She smiles brightly and comes over to throw an arm around each of them and join the hug.  Stefano looks surprised and glances at Sebastian, his face making it clear that he has no idea what to do in this situation.  Sebastian shrugs, because he’s fine with Stefano and Lily hugging each other.  In fact, Sebastian supports hugging in general, and certainly for Stefano who seems to be rather starved for affection.

 

Stefano puts his arm around Lily’s shoulders a little awkwardly, and Sebastian pulls them both close.  It’s surreal in a way, both to be here with Lily at all, and to be here with Stefano instead of Myra, and to be anywhere that is so bright and sunny after being in STEM.

 

Then Lily lets go of them, announces that it’s time for lunch, and dashes back to the car in a way that tells Sebastian she is either trying to test out the strength of her legs or give Sebastian a heart attack on the spot.

 

“Holy shit,” Sebastian mutters as Lily reaches the SUV and leans on it heavily, looking pleased with herself.

 

“There doesn’t seem to be much that slows Lily down,” Stefano says, raising an eyebrow at Sebastian.  “Now I, on the other hand…”  He gestures at his own legs, which Sebastian can feel are trembling a little, probably from the exertion of what he has already done today.

 

“Can I help?” Sebastian asks, hopeful for more body contact with Stefano, who seems to be in an affectionate mood.

 

“Please,” Stefano replies.

 

Sebastian pulls one of Stefano’s arms over his shoulders and wraps his other around Stefano’s waist, pulling their bodies flush together so that Stefano can lean on him as they make their way slowly back to the car.  Sebastian is reluctant to release Stefano into the passenger’s seat, because it is just so nice to be close to him and hold him and touch him during these times when Stefano seems a bit more like his old self.

 

They find a small local deli for lunch and then get ice cream at the shop next door.  This is such a quaint small town that as they sit on a bench outside and eat their ice cream, Sebastian actually starts to wonder where they are going to live if not in Krimson City.  He’s always been attracted to larger urban areas, because in his line of work, that’s where the interesting cases are, but what would be the best place to raise Lily?  And what kind of place would Stefano like to live in?  And where would they be least likely to encounter any remaining members of Mobius?

 

Stefano places a hand on his knee, effectively halting his train of thought.  “I don’t know what you’re thinking about,” Stefano says quietly, “but I can tell that it is getting out of control.”

 

Sebastian places a hand on top of Stefano’s and squeezes it.  “Maybe,” he says with a sigh, because he doesn’t think that anything is out of control if it keeps Lily safe, but he’s also pretty sure that he is not going to solve any of these problems right now anyway.

 

Lily falls asleep almost immediately when they get back in the SUV.  Sebastian wonders aloud if maybe the excitement of seeing the World’s Largest Rocking Chair was too much for her, which makes Stefano laugh, but then realizes that probably doing anything in the real world is a lot for her right now.

 

After some light conversation about what the people of a small town like this think when they see two men holding hands in public, they settle in for a long afternoon of driving through several hundred miles of highway lined by agricultural fields.  It is still sunny and warm, and Lily is asleep in the backseat, and Sebastian wonders if this an appropriate time, or more importantly, if this is a time when Stefano will feel safe enough, to have a conversation that they need to have.  He takes a deep breath.

 

“Stefano?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano turns from staring out the window to look at Sebastian.

 

“Can we talk about what happened in the dungeon?”  Even though Sebastian hates to take his eyes off the road, he glances at Stefano and tries to gauge how much this is upsetting him.  As much as Sebastian wants to wait for Stefano to bring up this topic of discussion, he isn’t sure Stefano will ever bring it up on his own, and it is eating away at Sebastian on the inside.

 

No matter how much he wants to comfort and protect Stefano, there is always that voice in the back of his head telling him that he did hurt Stefano, that he did traumatize Stefano, and that he will never be able to make it right.  Even if he can’t make it right, even if he has damaged their relationship beyond repair, Sebastian at least wants to try to talk about it, to make sure that Stefano understands.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, sighing deeply.  “I suppose we can.”

 

Sebastian can already hear in Stefano’s tone that he is trying to withdraw into himself, trying to protect himself from Sebastian, which is okay for the moment, but it still makes Sebastian’s chest feel tight.  He tries to start with something less intense.

 

“What happened after you and I split up in Myra’s world?” he asks.

 

“I went up to your house,” Stefano replies.  “Lily was in her bedroom.  I could feel her power…” Stefano pauses, then his voice takes on a dreamy quality that Sebastian has heard before, though not since they’ve been out of STEM.  “It was so strong that it was intoxicating to be in the same room with her, or rather exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, because when Stefano gets like this Sebastian doesn’t have a clue what he is actually talking about.

 

“Because I remembered what it was like to have her power, to create with her power and to mold the world after my vision, I craved that power again.  I wanted to take it for myself.”

 

Sebastian casts a sidelong glance at Stefano, because while he knows that Stefano is prone to this sort of weird, flowery speech when he talks about creating things, he hadn’t realized that Lily’s power had such a strong pull over Stefano.

 

“I resisted, of course,” Stefano continues, “and Lily was surprisingly trusting.  She told me that she had seen us working together.”

 

Sebastian nods.  “She told me that too, about watching everything in Union.”

 

“Yes,” Stefano agrees, “and so I took her from the house back to your office, and I stepped through the door back into Union, and that is when Theodore took us.”  A dark look crosses Stefano’s face, and Sebastian feels a twinge of sympathy.  He can only imagine how it felt for Stefano to be back under Theodore’s control after what happened the last time.

 

Stefano lapses into silence, so Sebastian prompts, “And then you were in the dungeon?”

 

“More or less,” Stefano replies.  “Theodore spoke to me first, offered to let me join him again-”

 

“Why did he always do that?” Sebastian cuts in.  “He did the same thing to me.  Why did he think that we would ever join him after what he did?”

 

“He was accustomed to controlling others,” Stefano says with a shrug.  “He controlled many with his voice alone and others by various manipulations.  In fact, I think Myra may have been the only one he absolutely failed to control.  You and I saw through him eventually, but even so, he played both of us.”

 

“Yeah, he did…” Sebastian says, because Theodore was the one who caused Sebastian and Stefano to start working together in the first place and the one who drove them apart again, even if they are now trying to repair that relationship.

 

“What do you want from me, Sebastian?” Stefano asks, turning in his seat to face Sebastian.  “I’ve already said that I forgive you.  What else do you want me to say?”

 

“I don’t want you to say anything,” Sebastian replies, feeling deflated, because upsetting Stefano is the last thing Sebastian wants to do, and now Stefano sounds like he is on the defensive.  “I… I guess I want you to stop being afraid of me.”  He glances at Stefano.  “I’m sorry.  I know it’s not fair to ask that.  I just thought maybe if I could explain myself better, you’d see that-”.

 

“Stop,” Stefano says firmly, placing a hand on Sebastian’s forearm which is braced on the armrest.  “I am not afraid of you.”

 

“Are you sure?” Sebastian asks.  “Because sometimes it really seems like you are.”

 

“I assure you that I am not,” Stefano says.  “I was afraid of you back then, just for a brief period, as Theodore required, but I have not been afraid of you since.”  He pauses.  “I think that at times you may be misinterpreting some of my reactions.  I am still uncomfortable with certain actions and situations, but it is not you that I fear.”

 

Sebastian feels a little better, a little less sick inside, to hear this news, though he still hates to think of Stefano being afraid when they are together.  “What can I do to help?” he asks.

 

Stefano smiles and squeezes his arm.  “Nothing more than you are already doing.  Be gentle, be patient, and above all, know that I am just as frustrated with myself as you are with me.”

 

“I’m never frustrated with you about that,” Sebastian replies.  He is about to place his left hand on top of Stefano’s, but thinks better of it when he realizes that would leave him with no hands on the steering wheel.  “But are there certain things I should be doing or not doing?”

 

Stefano seems to consider this for a moment.  “I don’t think there are clear rules,” he answers.  “At least, I know that I can’t always tell myself how I will react in some situations.  And sometimes when I consciously want one thing, my body seems to decide something else.”

 

“Give it time,” Sebastian says.  His affection for Stefano is spreading through his chest, leaving a warm feeling all through him, and he hopes that some of that warmth comes through in his voice.  “Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself, and I’m sure we’ll be able to figure everything out.”

 

Stefano squeezes his arm again, and Sebastian thinks about how nice it is to be touching Stefano and that brings him back to this morning.

 

“I think Lily needs her own bed,” Sebastian says.  “As much as I never want her out of my sight, she can’t keep sleeping with us, especially if you’re going to be so… ‘friendly’ in the morning.”  He glances at Stefano with a raised eyebrow.

 

Stefano brings his other hand up to hide the blush on his face.  “Oh dear, I had almost forgotten about that,” he says.  “Yes, she should certainly have her own bed.  Or her own room.”  After a pause, he adds, “Can we afford to rent a suite?”

 

“Probably,” Sebastian say, not really thinking about money, because he is too torn between the way his stomach is twisting in panic at the idea of sleeping in a different room than Lily and the more pleasurable tingling sensation that accompanies thoughts of what he and Stefano might do if they had some privacy.

 

These competing thoughts swirl around in Sebastian’s head until they stop for dinner at a little Italian place by the side of the road.  Stefano is uncharacteristically quiet, which is odd, because Sebastian thinks this would be the perfect time for him to complain about the food.  The meal is thoroughly enjoyable by Sebastian’s standards, but he is sure that it must fall short of what Stefano is used to.  Or maybe Stefano doesn’t even remember food from before Union. 

 

At any rate, once Sebastian and Lily finish eating and Stefano finishes rearranging his food on his plate, they get back on the road and drive for a few more hours until they reach a larger city with more lodging options.  After trying a couple of places, Sebastian manages to find a decent hotel that will rent him a suite without a credit card for a substantial cash deposit.

 

Lily is predictably thrilled to have her own room, and starts unpacking what few belongings she does have into the dresser, even though Sebastian tries to remind her that they are only going to be there for one night.  Once they are all settled, Sebastian and Lily raid the vending machines down the hall for soda and candy and microwave popcorn.  Back at the room, Lily picks up the remote and starts looking for a movie in the hotel’s fairly extensive entertainment menu, while Sebastian goes to check on Stefano.

 

He finds Stefano running himself a bath, but the bathroom door is still open and Stefano is fully dressed, so Sebastian doesn’t feel too bad about sticking his head in the door.

 

“Need any help?” he asks, trying to keep his expression neutral, because his natural inclination is to raise an eyebrow or make some kind of suggestive joke.  He could probably get away with it too, since Stefano is still dressed, but somehow it doesn’t feel right to cross that line between offering Stefano help and suggesting what Stefano would call ‘recreational touching.’

 

“I think I can handle it,” Stefano replies.  His voice is a little flat, but there is a hint of smile on his face.  “Go spend some time with Lily.”

 

“Should we wait for you to start the movie?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano says.  “I’m feeling very tired at the moment.  I will probably go to bed after I get cleaned up a little bit.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  “Just yell if you need anything.”

 

He leaves the bathroom door open but closes the door to their room so Stefano will have some privacy.  Back in the main living area, Lily has selected a movie and has already made a dent in the popcorn.  Sebastian takes a seat on the couch and props his feet up, and Lily curls up next to him and rests her head on his shoulder.  Sebastian is struck so hard by a memory of their old life that it’s all he can do not to reach out on the couch next to him for Myra’s hand.

 

A full day of driving has taken a toll on him, and by about forty minutes into the movie, no amount of caffeine and sugar can keep him awake.  The next thing he knows, Lily is elbowing him in the ribs, and the credits are rolling, and he is sure that it is past everyone’s bedtime.

 

Sebastian admonishes Lily for the tenth time not to go anywhere without him or Stefano, kisses her goodnight, and fights back the anxiety that is rising up in him as she goes into her own room and closes the door.  He checks the locks on the door to their suite, also for the tenth time, and after finding them still secure, he taps lightly on the door to his and Stefano’s room.  When he hears no answer, he assumes that Stefano is asleep, and opens the door.

 

The light in the room is off, though the bathroom light is still on, and Sebastian can see that Stefano is indeed in bed, lying on his side and apparently asleep.  Sebastian takes a quick shower, pulls on pajama pants and a T-shirt, and brushes his teeth before switching off the light, which turns out to be a huge mistake, because now he cannot see a goddamn thing.

 

He manages to fumble his way to the edge of the bed and slide under the covers, but then has to fight off a desperate urge to gather Stefano up in his arms and hold him.  There is an ache in his chest, and he knows that cuddling with Stefano would soothe it, but he also knows that it would almost certainly do more harm than good to touch Stefano without his permission right now, so he just wraps his arms tightly around his pillow and squeezes his eyes shut and tries to think warm, safe, comforting thoughts until he falls asleep.

 

Even then, thoughts of Stefano don’t leave him, and it is Stefano’s screams that echo in his ears, Stefano’s tear-stained face below him, and Stefano’s body trying to thrash away, to fight him off, and Sebastian is watching his own hand raise the chisel, unable to stop himself until he jerks awake, muffling a shout with his pillow.

 

Stefano’s arms are already around him, Stefano’s chest is pressed against his back, and Stefano’s voice is in his ear telling him that he is safe now, but the damage is done, and Sebastian curls in on himself, sobbing as he buries his face in his pillow.  Stefano continues to hold him tightly and whisper words of encouragement, and even that feels wrong, because Stefano shouldn’t be doing that.  Stefano shouldn’t give a shit about Sebastian after what Sebastian has done to him, but here is Stefano holding him and comforting him, and it’s just too much for Sebastian to process.

 

Sebastian can’t stop the violent sobs that rack his whole body any more than he can stop the pain and regret that are eating him up on the inside and for what must be several minutes, he just suffers, retreats inside his mind and berates himself for the horrible things he did to Stefano.  He gasps and aches and sobs until the point of exhaustion, until his breathing finally slows and steadies and the tears stop coming, and Stefano gives him a squeeze and kisses him on the back of his shoulder.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Stefano asks, uncertainty coming through in his voice, and it makes Sebastian appreciate Stefano’s attempts to comfort him all the more to remember that this does not come naturally for Stefano.

 

“It was the dungeon again,” Sebastian says, his voice sounding harsh and foreign to his own ears.

 

“Ah,” Stefano says.  “I thought as much.  Can I share something with you?”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian replies, because who is he to deny Stefano anything?

 

“When I was fighting Theodore,” Stefano begins.  “When Theodore tried to turn my own past against me, he showed me memories from before Union, and memories from the first time in the dungeon with his men.”  Stefano pauses, and Sebastian can feel a shudder run through his body.

 

Sebastian turns around to face Stefano, and they manage to rearrange themselves so that their arms are around each other and Sebastian’s head is resting on Stefano’s chest.

 

Stefano continues, “And the memories from the first time in the dungeon were very real and very frightening and I was lost within them, unable to break the cycle of fear and fight back, even with Obscura’s help.”

 

Sebastian nods against Stefano’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart as he holds onto Stefano for dear life.

 

“And then he showed me a memory of the second time in the dungeon… with you,” Stefano says.

 

Sebastian draws in his breath sharply, because he feels like he is going to cry again, but Stefano’s hands are rubbing his back.

 

“Shhh, just listen,” Stefano murmurs.  “When I saw that memory, I remembered other things: that you protected me from Theodore, that you didn’t want to hurt me, and that I was trapped in Theodore’s illusions and that none of what I was seeing was real.  And that is when I was able to fight back, just before Myra stepped in.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just keeps holding Stefano and tries to fight off the tears that are threatening to return.

 

“What you did was very difficult, for both of us,” Stefano says.  “But it was also very brave.”  He brings a hand up to gently ruffle Sebastian’s hair.  “Let go of your guilt, Sebastian, before it consumes you.”

 

“I’m trying,” Sebastian sighs, but fatigue is catching up to him and he struggles to hold onto the thread of the conversation.  He doesn’t know if he can let go of his guilt, but he does know that Stefano’s chest is warm under his cheek, and that Stefano’s arms are still holding him securely, and that Stefano smells very nice.  He is trying to decide what exactly it is that Stefano smells like, but before he can figure it out, he is asleep.

 

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Stefano speaks, he finds his eye drawn to Sebastian’s body, the muscular lines of his shoulders, the dusting of hair on his chest, and of course the scars and bruises that litter his skin. When he glances back up at Sebastian’s face, Sebastian is regarding him with a smug look, and Stefano does apologize then, because he realizes that he has been staring.
> 
> “I’m sorry,” he says quickly. “I didn’t mean to…” He gestures at Sebastian’s body, because he can’t think of a word to describe what he was doing that doesn’t sound very naughty.
> 
> “It’s alright,” Sebastian answers, his smug look morphing into a genuine smile. “You can look if you want. It’s sort of unfair that I’ve seen so much of you and I’ve never returned the favor.”

 

 

About twenty minutes into their shopping trip, Stefano can say with confidence that a sprawling mega-store is on his list of top ten places to never go again unless the alternative is death.  When they were planning this ordeal over breakfast, Sebastian did make the compelling point that this kind of store is the only place where they would be able to get everything on their rather eclectic shopping list, but that doesn’t mean that Stefano has to enjoy it.

 

For one thing, there are far too many people.  Stefano dislikes crowds even under the best of circumstances, but the throng of people around them apparently triggers the hyper-vigilant side of Sebastian’s personality.  It takes Stefano two aisles to reassure Sebastian that he doesn’t actually need to be physically touching Stefano and Lily at every moment, and another two to convince him that staring at every approaching person as though he is assessing their threat level is going to result in them being ejected from the store.

 

Once Sebastian calms down a little bit, the outing becomes at least slightly enjoyable.  Stefano and Lily finally get to pick out some of their own clothes and toiletries, and Sebastian buys a cooler and some drinks and sandwich supplies, because one of the other decisions they made at their breakfast meeting was that it probably wasn’t healthy or financially sound to eat every meal at a restaurant.

 

As they pass by the electronics section, Stefano finds himself drawn to the selection of cameras, which unfortunately are all digital.  While his creative impulses have been somewhat suppressed by recent events, he has felt the urge, just a few times the past two days, to capture some of what he is seeing, to preserve some of these images and memories.  It is a refreshingly familiar urge, and one that he was afraid was lost forever after his time in the dungeon with Theodore’s men.  He is still deep in thought when Sebastian comes up beside him.

 

“You should buy one,” Sebastian says.  “I think Mobius owes you.”

 

Stefano is about to launch into a lengthy explanation of the formal elements of photography and specifically the difference between film and digital media, but it strikes him suddenly that Sebastian is probably just trying to do something nice, as he does often and inexplicably.  Besides, there would be no way to develop film while they’re constantly moving from place to place.

 

After several minutes of pouring over the descriptions and features of the cameras, during which he is vaguely aware that Sebastian tells him that he and Lily are going to look at cell phones, Stefano settles on one of the higher end cameras and leaves it at the register, as the sales staff don’t seem to be thrilled with the idea of him walking around the store with it.

 

Cell phones are only a few aisles over, and as soon as Stefano catches sight of Sebastian, he can see that he is having some sort of existential crisis.  Sebastian is at the end of the aisle, gripping the handle of their cart so hard that his knuckles are white and staring into space, brows furrowed.  Lily seems to be occupied playing with the display models of the various phones, so Stefano places a hand on Sebastian’s forearm.

 

Sebastian’s posture doesn’t change at all, and he doesn’t even turn toward Stefano, but he says, “They can track us by cell signal.  We’re going to need to get burner phones, and… and even then we’re still going to be on the store cameras buying them.  Then we’ll have to get those tapes-”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano cuts in, because this is quickly spiraling out of control and Stefano is fairly confident that Sebastian’s thought process, taken to its logical conclusion, will end in an unmitigated disaster.

 

“They can track us,” Sebastian says again, still staring straight ahead.  “If we get them in our names, they can track us.”

 

Stefano hates to bring up the obvious, especially when he knows it will upset Sebastian even more, but it seems that Sebastian’s paranoia has blinded him to a fairly large hole in his plan.  “And what about your phone?”

 

“Fuck!” Sebastian says, loudly enough that Lily and several other nearby shoppers turn and stare at him.  “Sorry,” Sebastian mutters, then turns to face Stefano.  “Fuck,” he whispers.  “You’re right.  They could’ve been tracking us this whole time.  My phone’s still in my name.”

 

Stefano holds up a hand.  “Slow down.  First of all, we don’t know that they are tracking us or that they even have the technology to do that.”

 

“They infiltrated KCPD,” Sebastian shoots back.  “Getting cell tower records would be child’s play.”

 

“And how do those actually work?” Stefano asks patiently.  “Can they locate your phone at any time?”

 

“Any time it’s calling, texting, or downloading data,” Sebastian says.  “I haven’t made any calls or texts, but I’m sure there’s stuff downloading in the background.  Fuck, how could I be so stupid?”

 

Stefano thinks that Sebastian’s recent state of constant vigilance has lead to exhaustion, paranoia, and poor decision-making, rather than any measurable increase in their safety, but he certainly isn’t going to explain it to Sebastian that way.  “You have a lot on your mind,” he says finally.  “And I do not think that Mobius, or anyone else, is actually tracking us, but what can we do to put you at ease?”

 

The chance to generate another plan seems to snap Sebastian out of his cycle of self-loathing.  “I need to get rid of this phone,” he says.  “And we all need to get prepaid phones, but not here, since they’ll know we’ve been here.”

 

Even though Sebastian still sounds a little unbalanced, Stefano lets him go, because at least he’s proposing a solution that is fairly reasonable, or at least far preferable to some of the ideas he comes up with.

 

“We’re going to end up on the cameras wherever we buy them,” Sebastian continues, “but if we pay cash and don’t give them our real names, then unless someone pulls that surveillance footage by chance, they won’t be able to link us to those phone numbers.”  He takes a deep breath and releases the handle of the cart.

 

“Are you going to be alright now?” Stefano asks, rubbing Sebastian’s arm.

 

A faint smile flashes across Sebastian’s face.  “Yeah, I think so,” he says.  “I guess I sound pretty crazy some of the time, don’t I?”

 

“Indeed,” Stefano replies.  “Though it’s part of your charm.”

 

That gets a laugh out of Sebastian.  They collect Lily, who is quite disappointed to not be getting a cell phone today, but perks up when Sebastian suggests that she should pick out a bathing suit in case they can find a hotel with a pool for tonight.  While Stefano is generally opposed to any kind of communal water experience, Sebastian manages to convince him to get a bathing suit as well when he suggests that swimming will be a good way to regain some of the strength in his limbs.

 

They pay for everything, including Stefano’s camera, and Sebastian gets their cooler set up before they get back on the road.  Sebastian is notably less talkative than usual, and his mood only improves slightly when they pause outside of town for him to toss his cell phone off a bridge into the river below.

 

After several hours of driving, during which Stefano has some interesting conversations with Lily, but still can’t convince Sebastian to lighten up at all, they stop for dinner and a few minutes later arrive at their hotel.  Lily is full of energy, in her swimsuit, and ready to go to the pool approximately five minutes after they check in.

 

“Why don’t you let me take her to the pool for a little while?” Stefano offers, because Sebastian looks both exhausted and highly stressed.  “Take a bath or go to bed early.  We’ll be back soon.”

 

Sebastian looks like he desperately wants to protest this idea, but simply doesn’t have the strength to do so.  “Alright,” he says.  “Just don’t take your eye off of her.”  He fixes Stefano with a hard stare.  “Please.”

 

“Understood,” Stefano says with a smile.  If there is one thing that he is absolutely not going to do, it is lose track of Lily.

 

Stefano stays in his regular clothes, as he intends to follow Sebastian’s instructions to the letter and focus entirely on supervising Lily.  Fortunately, the pool is mainly occupied by children, several of them close to Lily’s age, so she entertains herself thoroughly for an hour or so, until Stefano suggests that they should probably go and check on Sebastian.

 

Lily is actually quite tired after so much exercise, and she retreats to her bedroom after yelling goodnight to Sebastian, who is in the shower.  Stefano checks the locks on the door one more time, because he knows that’s what Sebastian would do, and then returns to their bedroom. 

 

When he opens the door, he finds Sebastian standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist and hair still damp from the shower.  Stefano starts to apologize, because he did enter without knocking, but Sebastian just smiles and waves him off, shamelessly confident as always even though he is only wearing a towel.

 

“How was the pool?” Sebastian asks.  His mood seems much improved, and Stefano wonders if maybe he really did just need a nap and a shower and to get some distance from the phone situation.

 

“Too crowded for my taste,” Stefano replies.  “But I think Lily had a good time.”  As he speaks, he finds his eye drawn to Sebastian’s body, the muscular lines of his shoulders, the dusting of hair on his chest, and of course the scars and bruises that litter his skin.  When he glances back up at Sebastian’s face, Sebastian is regarding him with a smug look, and Stefano does apologize then, because he realizes that he has been staring.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly.  “I didn’t mean to…”  He gestures at Sebastian’s body, because he can’t think of a word to describe what he was doing that doesn’t sound very naughty.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian answers, his smug look morphing into a genuine smile.  “You can look if you want.  It’s sort of unfair that I’ve seen so much of you and I’ve never returned the favor.”

 

Stefano feels his cheeks flush hot at that, both because he remembers how much of him Sebastian has seen and because he is excited by the idea of seeing more of Sebastian.  He tries to rein in his expression, but clearly Sebastian has guessed correctly what is going on in his mind, because Sebastian lies back on the bed, arms stretched out above his head, and says, “Please.  Look, touch, whatever you want.  I promise I’ll behave myself.”

 

Stefano laughs, because he has no doubt that Sebastian will behave himself, but it is still comforting to hear him say it.  He doesn’t actually believe, in the rational part of his mind, that Sebastian would ever force himself on him or force him to do anything at all, but that fear still exists in the baser, more instinctual responses in him.  He is curious about Sebastian though, and it can’t hurt to explore his body a little bit.

 

“Alright,” Stefano says quietly, moving to sit on the bed next to Sebastian’s hip.  It is an interesting sort of feeling to be fully clothed next to Sebastian, who is clad only in a towel.  It is almost a feeling of power, but still safe and comfortable, because Stefano knows that he has no intention of hurting Sebastian, and he is sure Sebastian knows this as well.

 

He extends his hands to Sebastian.  “Give me your hands.”

 

Sebastian does, and Stefano holds them carefully in his own, considers them, remembers when he held them before in the Research Wing after Sebastian smashed a window with his fists.  Then he remembers why Sebastian was so angry, and finds himself smiling slightly.  Sebastian really is an exceptional person, capable of so much compassion even for his old enemy.

 

He notes that here in the real world, Sebastian still has some healing cuts and bruises on his knuckles, presumably from that bar fight, and there is no green gel to heal them this time.  He is also still wearing his wedding ring, which Stefano doesn’t comment on.  He knows how important family is to Sebastian and how tumultuous his relationship with Myra became, and it doesn’t surprise him that Sebastian is holding on to some part of her.

 

Stefano releases Sebastian’s hands, letting them fall back to the bed at his sides, and turns to sit cross-legged on the bed next to Sebastian so that he can reach more of him.  He trails his hands up Sebastian’s arms, from wrist to shoulder, then lets his fingers glide along Sebastian’s collar bone, feeling goose bumps forming in their wake.  He makes a few more light, teasing passes in this area, until Sebastian shivers involuntarily, and they both laugh a little bit, and Stefano soothes them away with firmer strokes of his palms.

 

He begins to slide his hands down Sebastian’s chest, but encounters a healing bruise near the center of his chest.  “What is this from?” he asks.

 

Sebastian glances down as though he isn’t sure what Stefano is talking about, but then a look of recognition flashes across his face.  “Oh, that was Kidman,” he says.  “She and I sort of got into it in the STEM room when she said she couldn’t help you.”

 

“And you thought the best course of action was to fight her?” Stefano asks, incredulous.  “Wasn’t she the only one who knew how to disconnect Lily?”

 

“Yeah, she was,” Sebastian says dismissively, “and I wasn’t even really trying to fight her, just trying to delay her for long enough that you could escape.  I didn’t want Myra to send her signal too soon and destroy Union.”

 

Stefano nods.  “I think Myra may have been looking out for me herself.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano places a hand on his stomach.  “I could feel… something.  Not anything dramatic like those other times, but just a shifting, like she was checking on my location.”

 

“I guess we have Lily to thank for that,” Sebastian says, folding his hands behind his head.

 

“Undoubtedly,” Stefano replies.  “I am certain that Myra would not have helped me otherwise.  I’m sure she was still quite angry with me.”

 

Sebastian laughs.  “Yeah, you probably weren’t her favorite person, even at that point.”

 

They lapse into silence as Stefano traces the bruise lightly with his fingers, then slides his hands across Sebastian’s chest, taking note of Sebastian’s sharp intake of breath when Stefano’s fingers brush over his nipples.  That may be something to try again at another time.  He isn’t averse to the idea of Sebastian becoming aroused, but that isn’t his primary goal at the moment.

 

He strokes carefully over Sebastian’s ribs, avoiding the bruised spot, and then runs his hands down Sebastian’s belly, stopping short of the towel that is still tucked around his hips.  He lingers on Sebastian’s abdomen, letting his hands make circles the way that Sebastian’s used to when Sebastian was healing and protecting him, and Sebastian closes his eyes and sighs deeply at the touch.

 

Stefano skips over the towel-covered area entirely and thinks he sees a disappointed look cross Sebastian’s face just for a moment.  He scoots down so that he can run his hands along Sebastian’s feet and up his legs until he reaches another bruise on Sebastian’s shin.  “Kidman again?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers.  “She’s stronger than she looks, and those heels are the worst to get kicked with.”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  While he certainly appreciates Sebastian’s effort to stall for time on his behalf, he wonders if it was really necessary for Sebastian to engage Kidman in such a physical manner, especially when it seems like Sebastian was the one taking most of the beating.  He slides his hands further up Sebastian’s legs, over his knees and up to the lower edge of the towel.  He takes hold of it and looks up at Sebastian, who nods.

 

Taking a deep breath, Stefano pulls the towel aside, untucking it from Sebastian’s hips and letting it fall onto the bed beside him.  Sebastian doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed as he lies naked before Stefano, though his breathing does quicken a little under Stefano’s scrutiny.

 

Stefano returns his hands to Sebastian’s thighs, sliding them up toward his groin, and encountering yet another bruise that is just a few inches shy of a very delicate place.  “Are you sure you hadn’t offended her personally?” he asks Sebastian, raising an eyebrow.

 

Sebastian laughs again.  “I don’t think so,” he replies, “but she is pretty ruthless.  Good thing she turned out to be on our side.”

 

“Agreed,” Stefano says as he traces the bruise lightly and feels Sebastian’s muscles twitch under his fingers in response.  He strokes back down Sebastian’s thighs and then up again, pressing more firmly against his inner thighs, and Sebastian obligingly parts his legs in response, still looking utterly unfazed by the whole situation.  Stefano lets his hands continue up to Sebastian’s hips, before they meet back up at Sebastian’s navel and then follow the trail of dark hair lower and lower, until his fingers are teasing their way into a thicker crop of hair and Stefano’s palm is brushing against Sebastian’s cock.

 

Sebastian gasps, and Stefano jerks his hand back as though he has been burned, because for a moment he isn’t sure if that’s a good sound.  One look at Sebastian’s face puts his mind at ease.  Sebastian’s expression is tense and he is breathing harder now, but Stefano can tell that it is pleasure, not pain, on his face.  Or at least, pleasure being restrained by self-control, and he realizes just how hard Sebastian is working to stifle his reactions so that Stefano won’t feel uncomfortable.

 

Stefano is feeling far from uncomfortable though, as he considers the effect that even his very light touch has on Sebastian.  He feels powerful, important, and he wants to see what other kind of reactions he can induce.

 

Stefano places his hand over Sebastian’s cock again, which is impressive even when soft, and presses down with his palm, moving it in a circular motion.  Sebastian groans deep in his throat and fists his hands in the bed sheets, but his hips stay still.  After a few more circles, Stefano can feel Sebastian starting to grow hard under his hand.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian grunts.  “Hard to suppress that reaction.”

 

“It’s alright.”  Stefano continues to rub as he pats Sebastian’s thigh encouragingly with his other hand.  His eye is on Sebastian’s face, because Sebastian’s expression when he is being pleasured is utterly captivating.

 

Sebastian’s chest is heaving as Stefano moves his hand away from his cock and slides it lower, taking Sebastian’s balls in his hand, rolling them gently between his fingers and Sebastian moans and spread his legs even further.

 

Curious about how much Sebastian will allow, Stefano lets his hand slide even further back, pressing between Sebastian’s legs to graze his opening.

 

“Fuck,” Sebastian groans, and the muscles in his arms and shoulders stand out as he grips the sheets even tighter.  “There’s lube in my bag if you want to-”.

 

“No, no,” Stefano says quickly, because he was just exploring Sebastian’s body and his curiosity got the better of him.  He certainly isn’t going to do anything to cause Sebastian discomfort.  “I won’t do that.  I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

Sebastian’s chest is still heaving as he gasps, “You won’t.”  He struggles to catch his breath as Stefano moves his hands to rest lightly on Sebastian’s thighs.

 

“You wouldn’t hurt me,” Sebastian says after a moment when his breathing has calmed down.  “That doesn’t hurt me,” Sebastian clarifies although Stefano is still rather confused, because despite only vague memories of previous encounters, he is sure that this particular act is painful for him.

 

“You’ve done that before?” he asks Sebastian, and he is sure that his skepticism is coming through in his voice.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers.  “Joseph and I would sometimes… I mean, we didn’t do it a lot, because Joseph preferred the other way, but I have done it before.”

 

“And it doesn’t hurt you?” Stefano asks.

 

“No,” Sebastian answers.  There is a long, awkward pause before he asks, “Does it hurt you?”

 

Stefano can feel the heat rising in his cheeks again, because he is now wondering if he has misunderstood this particular act of intimacy.  But Sebastian has been kind and understanding so far, and Stefano is willing to trust him enough to at least have this discussion.

 

“Yes,” he says softly, eye cast down at the sheets.  “I don’t remember very much about these kinds of activities, but I do remember the pain.”

 

Sebastian is slowly shaking his head.  “That’s not right,” he says, then quickly adds, “It’s not your fault.  You’re not doing anything wrong, but that’s not what it’s supposed to be like.”  He glances down and then readjusts the towel to cover himself.  “If I put on some clothes, can we talk about this some more?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano answers.  Despite Sebastian’s words, he still feels like he has done something wrong.  He sits on the bed while Sebastian dresses, attempting to recall past romantic encounters in order to determine why he is so certain that this act is generally painful for him.

 

Stefano’s memories from before STEM are fragmented, indistinct- deep, searing kisses, rough strokes and squeezes of his cock, pressure, pain, feeling vulnerable and out of control.  He recalls flashes of other sensations as well, not all of them unpleasant, but his impression of the pain is vivid.

 

Sebastian pulls a T-shirt over his head and takes a seat on the bed beside Stefano, but sitting face to face here with Sebastian doesn’t feel right, and his confusion must show on his face, because Sebastian smiles indulgently and shifts over to sit with his back against the headboard.  He pats the spot next to him, and Stefano moves to sit there, which still doesn’t feel quite right.

 

“Here,” Sebastian says, placing one hand on Stefano’s shoulder and one on his waist to turn his body slightly.  “Lean back on me.”

 

Stefano does, and it feels perfect, because it is exactly the same position they were in back at Hoffman’s safe house when he told Sebastian about being forced to drink the white substance.  Sebastian must be remembering that as well, because his hand ends up splayed across Stefano’s abdomen, making slow circles on top of his clothes the same way he did when he was trying to soothe Stefano before.  The gesture soothes Stefano now, makes him feel safe and protected, even in the face of what is sure to be a very awkward conversation.

 

“When you’re talking about pain,” Sebastian begins, “you’re not just talking about what happened with Theodore’s men, right?  Because that wasn’t any kind of sex; that was torture.”

 

“I know that,” Stefano says quickly, because he would have to be stupid to see that act as being about anything other than power and pain and fear.  That said, the pain of having something forced into his body when he was tense, unprepared, and unwilling was familiar to him.  It was an extreme example, but it tapped into a memory, or memories, of other painful encounters.  “I’ve had other experiences that were also unpleasant.”

 

“Well, there are certainly things that can make that act unpleasant,” Sebastian begins.  “If your partner is being too rough or not using enough lube or if you’re just not ready.

 

Stefano sighs.  “I’m afraid I can’t remember anything specific, just the sensation.”  He pauses.  “But you say that it is not painful for you?”  Stefano is genuinely curious, because he has never envisioned Sebastian allowing himself to be penetrated at all.

 

“Right,” Sebastian replies.  “There’s never been any pain for me doing that.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Stefano says without thinking.  He wants to know what Sebastian, and the rest of the world, seem to find so enjoyable about this act, because he certainly isn’t figuring it out on his own.  He realizes a split second later that he has just asked Sebastian a very personal question.  “If you don’t mind, I mean,” he adds with an apologetic look over his shoulder at Sebastian.

 

“I don’t mind,” Sebastian says, smiling warmly.  “I just wasn’t sure if it was okay to talk about Joseph, because he’s part of the story.”

 

“That’s quite alright,” Stefano replies.  While he understands that someone else in his position might be jealous of Joseph or Myra, he doesn’t see either one of them as a legitimate competitor for Sebastian’s affections, so it doesn’t bother him to hear about them.

 

“Well, Joseph and I had been… together for a little while, but usually it was me fucking him.”  Sebastian pauses.  “It sounds crass when I say it like that.  It wasn’t just fucking.  There were a lot of emotions there.”

 

“I understand,” Stefano reassures him.

 

“Joseph was the first man I’d ever been with, so he taught me a lot.  You know, things like preparation and lube and where the sensitive places are,” Sebastian says.

 

Stefano nods, though he can’t actually remember anything like this from his own experience.

 

“And I was curious about how it felt to… you know, be on the receiving end, because Joseph always seemed to be enjoying himself so much,” Sebastian continues.  “And he agreed to show me of course.  He was very accommodating.”

 

Stefano does feel a twinge at this comment, because he is very aware that he is not giving Sebastian what he had with Joseph.  Stefano has insecurities and hang-ups and irrational fears that limit what they are able to do together, and no matter how much he wants to be as relaxed and confident in his sexuality as Sebastian is, he knows that he is the limiting factor in their relationship.  He turns his attention back to Sebastian who is getting to the good part of his story.

 

“Joseph was so meticulous and thorough about everything,” Sebastian says, as though he is savoring a particularly fond memory.  “He took so long with the preparation that I was getting really impatient.”

 

“You?  Impatient?” Stefano interjects with quite a heavy dose of sarcasm.

 

Sebastian laughs.  “Yes, if you can imagine that.”  He pauses, and Stefano takes the opportunity to ask another question.

 

“What do you mean by preparation?”  As soon as the words leave his mouth, he realizes that this is something he should know already, as it clearly seems to be a standard part of the sexual act, at least for Sebastian.  However, he can’t recall anything from his own experience that he would describe as preparation.

 

Sebastian’s hand goes still, confirming Stefano’s impression that he should already know the answer to this.  “Preparation,” he says again, which doesn’t clarify things for Stefano at all.  “Like with lube and fingers…”  Sebastian’s voice trails off and he is silent for a moment before his voice gets very serious, almost angry.  “Stefano, are you seriously telling me that you don’t remember anything like that?”

 

Sebastian leans over to look into his face, maybe searching for some sign of recognition, but Stefano is suddenly feeling very self-conscious and he just needs this conversation to end.  He starts to move away from Sebastian, but Sebastian sighs deeply and says in a softer voice, “Please stay, Stefano.  I’m sorry.  I’m not upset with you.  I’m just angry at whoever hurt you.”

 

Sebastian sounds so sincere, so genuinely upset on Stefano’s behalf, that Stefano can’t bring himself to leave.  In fact, he turns and throws his arms around Sebastian’s neck, embracing him tightly.  He feels Sebastian’s hand on his back, rubbing slow circles, hears Sebastian’s voice murmuring words of comfort.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian is saying, voice low but fierce.  “I don’t know what happened before, and maybe we never will, but if we ever try anything like that, I promise you there is not going to be any pain.”

 

Stefano buries his face between his arm and Sebastian’s neck and just breathes, breathes through the vague, indistinct memories of pain and fear, the very vivid memories of Theodore’s men penetrating him so violently, and the shame of admitting to Sebastian that he doesn’t actually know how any of this is supposed to work.  And Sebastian keeps rubbing his back and telling him that everything is going to be okay.

 

After a few minutes, when he feels as though he has regained control of himself, Stefano disentangles his arms from Sebastian and shifts himself over so that he is just leaning up against him again.

 

Sebastian gives him a little squeeze.  “Any more questions I can answer?”

 

Stefano’s first reaction is that there is no chance he is going to reveal anything else he doesn’t know to Sebastian, but Sebastian has been so kind, and Stefano isn’t sure that it is even possible for him to embarrass himself any more than he already has, so he asks.  “How did it feel for you?”

 

“Honestly, a little weird at first,” Sebastian explains.  “I guess no one had ever really touched me there, so it was different and strange and kind of exciting.”  Sebastian pauses again and brings a hand up to cover his face for a moment before he lets it fall back to his side.  Stefano pulls back a little, sees that Sebastian is blushing, and feels a sense of accomplishment that he has actually found something that embarrasses Sebastian.

 

Embarrassment aside, Stefano can sort of understand what Sebastian is talking about.  It calls to mind the time Sebastian treated him with the green gel in Theodore’s dungeon.  Of course, then he had been afraid and in pain and in no condition to enjoy anything at all, but Sebastian was so gentle and the gel was so cool and slippery inside him that Stefano now has  a vague idea of how such an act could be enjoyable.

 

“Definitely not painful though,” Sebastian continues, “and once he started focusing on the really good places…”  Sebastian lets out a long, shuddering breath, and Stefano doesn’t need to look down at his lap to know that Sebastian is being affected just by telling the story.

 

Stefano is finding himself rather affected as well.  The idea of Sebastian in the throes of intense pleasure is almost as arousing as imagining how this act could feel when performed by someone of sufficient expertise, and even though no one has laid a hand on him, Stefano is getting hard inside his pants.

 

Sebastian’s hand slides up and down his back, a slight tremble in his motions as he says, “It won’t hurt as long as we take our time.  And we don’t even have to do that.  There are lots of other things we can do.”

 

Stefano has some ideas about what those things might be, and it makes him want to be closer to Sebastian, to touch more of Sebastian.  He turns slightly, throwing one of his legs over Sebastian’s so that he is straddling Sebastian’s lap.

 

Sebastian blinks in surprise at first, but his eyes are glazed, and his pupils are dilated with lust, and Stefano covers Sebastian’s mouth with his own, swallowing the groan that leaves Sebastian’s mouth as Stefano’s weight settles fully into his lap.  Stefano can feel Sebastian’s cock under him, as hard as his own, and he slowly rolls his hips as his tongue teases its way into Sebastian’s mouth.

 

As much as Stefano is enjoying himself, he knows he is approaching the limit of what he is comfortable with at the moment, and it would certainly be unfair to Sebastian to get him all riled up and then not follow through on it.  He starts to pull away, but Sebastian’s hand is on his hip, and Sebastian says, “You don’t have to stop unless you want to.  We can just do this all night if you want.”

 

Sebastian flashes him a smile that is so authentic that it overrides all of his ideas about how he is supposed to behave, and maybe Sebastian really doesn’t mind just kissing and rubbing against him for a while.  Stefano is willing to at least try it, and he settles back against Sebastian, kissing him deeply, enjoying the way that Sebastian’s hands hold his hips firmly but not roughly, drinking in the little noises Sebastian makes as Stefano shifts in his lap.

 

They spend several very enjoyable minutes just kissing and rubbing against each other, until Stefano’s heart begins to pick up speed and he is breathing harder and that vague, amorphous fear is constricting his chest again.  He pulls away from Sebastian, lying down beside him on the bed.

 

Sebastian, who is breathing hard as well, pushes away from the headboard and flops down onto the bed, and his hand finds Stefano’s and gives it a squeeze.  Moments like this are quite frustrating for Stefano, because he was really enjoying what he and Sebastian were doing, and he isn’t even sure what he is afraid of now, doesn’t know what exactly keeps halting him in his attempts to be intimate with Sebastian.  Whatever it is though, it has a powerful hold over him, and it is only a few minutes later, lying there holding Sebastian’s hand, that he starts to feel calm again.

 

Stefano rolls over onto his side, leaning in to kiss Sebastian lightly on the mouth, before he sits up.  “I’m going to get ready for bed,” he says.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian replies.  “I’ll be right here.”

 

Unsurprisingly, by the time Stefano returns to the bedroom in his pajamas, Sebastian is already asleep, and only stirs slightly when Stefano slides into bed next to him and throws an arm over his chest.  Surrounded by Sebastian, sleep is deep and dreamless.

 

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Felt really good to have your hands on me,” he murmurs to Stefano as they hold each other.
> 
> “Well, I do take pride in my sculpting abilities,” Stefano says, and in that moment, he sounds like the Stefano that Sebastian remembers from STEM, confident and self-assured with a touch of arrogance. “Perhaps next time I can give you a more… intimate performance.”
> 
> Sebastian laughs. “Anytime,” he says. “Maybe I could actually learn to appreciate some art.”

 

 

Sebastian wakes up to find that half-asleep Stefano is back this morning in full force.  He can hear cartoons on the TV in the living room, so he knows that Lily is occupied, which means there is no reason that he can’t just lie back and enjoy Stefano’s attentions, however subconscious they may be.

 

It starts out innocently enough.  Stefano has been sleeping with his head pillowed on Sebastian’s chest and his hand resting on Sebastian’s stomach, but then Stefano stretches, arching his back and pressing his hips against the outside of Sebastian’s leg, and Sebastian hears him make a little groan deep in his throat.

 

Stefano is so beautifully unguarded when he is not quite awake like this.  Sebastian doesn’t mind waiting as long as it takes for Stefano to be comfortable with him, but it is sometimes painful to watch Stefano being so confused and scared and frustrated with himself, and it is such a relief to have even a few moments when Stefano is actually enjoying himself, letting his body lead without getting bogged down in whatever else is going on in his mind.

 

Stefano’s hand moves down a little further, then slips under the hem of Sebastian’s T-shirt so that his fingers graze Sebastian’s bare skin, and Sebastian sucks in his breath sharply, feels his skin twitch involuntarily under Stefano’s light touch.  Stefano’s hand continues upward, making lazy circles on Sebastian’s chest as Stefano’s hips press rhythmically against him.

 

It is so nice to feel Stefano’s hands on him again.  Sebastian was thoroughly enjoying Stefano’s handling of his body yesterday, both the innocent, exploratory touches, and the more intense and arousing strokes of Stefano’s fingers that followed, though of course everything came to a screeching halt shortly after that.

 

Sebastian isn’t entirely surprised to learn that Stefano has had some negative sexual experiences in the past beyond what happened in Theodore’s dungeon, because Stefano clearly has some misconceptions about sex and intimacy that must have come from somewhere.  It is a little frustrating that Stefano can’t remember more about why he feels the way he does, because Sebastian is sure that if he had more information, he would have a better idea of what to do and how to reassure Stefano.

 

Sebastian also finds that he has to be a little careful to make sure that he doesn’t take sex or physical contact in general too casually for Stefano, because fortunately for Sebastian, all of his own experiences have been quite enjoyable.  He has always felt very confident in the bedroom, which may be why his body seems to anticipate pleasure in the same sorts of situations as Stefano anticipates pain.  He knows that, given the opportunity, he could make Stefano feel amazing, but of course that is only going to happen if Stefano gives him that opportunity.

 

His wandering mind reunites with his body when Stefano’s leg comes across his thigh, pressing in between his legs as Stefano shifts to lie half on top of him.  Stefano’s erection is unmistakable now, pressing against Sebastian’s thigh with each forward movement of Stefano’s hips.

 

Sebastian is completely frozen for a moment, because this is sort of a grey area for him, and he isn’t sure whether it is safe for him to participate or not.  On one hand, Stefano is clearly aroused and initiating this himself.  On the other hand, Stefano isn’t fully aware of his surroundings and Sebastian doesn’t want to take advantage of his sudden lack of inhibition.  He settles for placing his hands on Stefano’s hips, squeezing lightly in time with Stefano’s thrusts.

 

Even though Stefano’s pleasure is his primary objective at the moment, Sebastian is finding the situation very enjoyable for more personal reasons as well.  Stefano’s leg presses up between Sebastian’s legs on every thrust, putting enough pressure on his cock and balls that he can already feel the arousal pooling warm in his lower belly, can feel his cock starting to stiffen as Stefano pushes against it.

 

Sebastian’s hands squeeze and his thumbs rub circles on Stefano’s hips, and Stefano’s breath is coming faster and his movements are becoming rougher until suddenly he starts awake.  He lifts his head and stares into Sebastian’s face for a moment, eye wide and hair disheveled.

 

“I’m sorry,” Stefano says quickly, rolling off of Sebastian and burying his face in his pillow.

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Sebastian says.  “What’s wrong?”

 

Stefano rolls onto his side, facing Sebastian, then reaches out and grasps Sebastian’s wrist.  He pulls Sebastian’s hand toward him until he can place it over his heart.  Predictably, Sebastian can feel Stefano’s heart beating hard and fast under his hand.

 

“I don’t know why it happens,” Stefano explains.  “Sometimes it happens when I am just kissing you, but I start to… panic, I suppose?”  Stefano sounds uncertain as he attempts to describe how he feels, and it makes Sebastian wonder if Stefano knows what he is feeling at all.

 

“Can I show you something?” he asks Stefano.

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian takes Stefano’s hand and places it over his own heart, which still hasn’t quite calmed down from having Stefano rubbing against him.

 

Stefano’s eye widens a little as he feels Sebastian’s heartbeat, and Sebastian smiles.  “I’m not panicking,” he says.  “I’m not afraid.  I’m just excited.”  Stefano seems genuinely interested as Sebastian continues.  “You don’t have to,” he cautions, “but if you want to move your hand down some, you can feel how excited I am.”

 

Clearly Stefano’s curiosity gets the better of any reservations he may have, because his hand slides down the front of Sebastian’s body until it encounters Sebastian’s cock, still hard inside his pajama pants.  Stefano gives it a little squeeze, and Sebastian can’t completely suppress the resulting moan, but then Stefano is releasing him and looking into his face again.

 

“I’m not sure I understand,” Stefano says softly.

 

Sebastian thinks for a moment about the best way to phrase his next question, then asks, “When you decide to stop like you just did, is there something that you are actually afraid of?  Or how do you feel?”

 

Stefano pauses, biting his lower lip slightly before he answers.  “I feel out of control,” he says with a sigh.  “Like my body is not my own anymore and I am not certain what will happen next.”  He pauses for a moment, before he shakes his head, blushing.  “I mean, I know what happens next.  I just don’t remember it being so… stressful?”

 

Sebastian reaches out and takes Stefano’s hand in his, silently cursing whoever did this to Stefano, because clearly someone took all the pleasure out of this act for him and left him with only confusion and fear and the vague idea that he is going to be hurt.

 

“That feeling is normal,” Sebastian says, with what he hopes is a reassuring smile.  “You do start to feel a little out of control when you’re getting to the really good part.”

 

Stefano looks skeptical, so Sebastian continues.  “It’s okay to enjoy it.  Just focus on what feels good and keep doing that.  Don’t worry about anything else.”

 

Sebastian hopes that he isn’t coming off as too patronizing by explaining things the way he does.  Stefano obviously isn’t a complete novice to these kinds of activities, but he seems to be woefully misinformed about how things are supposed to work in a caring, consensual relationship.

 

“It did feel very nice,” Stefano says thoughtfully, a hint of a smile creeping onto his face.

 

“Then please, continue,” Sebastian says.  He raises Stefano’s hand to his mouth and kisses the back of it.

 

“Such a gentleman,” Stefano says, his smile widening, and Sebastian is sure that they are both remembering that time in Hoffman’s safe house.

 

“I’ve been called a lot worse,” Sebastian replies, and they both have to stifle their laughter.  Stefano turns to look over his shoulder at the door to the room, which is closed of course.

 

“Lily’s out there watching TV,” Sebastian says with a smile, because for the moment at least he feels quite at ease even with Lily out of his sight.  “We still have plenty of time if you want to…”

 

Stefano’s cheeks flush pink as his gaze drops down to the sheets.  “I’m not sure I’d know where to start,” he murmurs.

 

“Start with a kiss,” Sebastian says, shifting onto his back again, because he wants Stefano to feel like he is completely in control.

 

Stefano inches closer to Sebastian, leaning over him so that their chests are touching before he dips his head.  Sebastian closes his eyes, feels Stefano’s lips pressed to his cheek, his forehead, the corner of his mouth.  He wraps his arm around Stefano’s back and turns his head slightly toward Stefano, inviting a more intimate kiss but letting Stefano make the decision.

 

 

When Stefano does kiss him fully on the lips, Sebastian can’t help but smile, which makes Stefano smile, and then they’re both laughing and drawing back to look into each other’s eyes, and Stefano is leaning in again to claim his mouth.

 

 

And Stefano is claiming his mouth even though the kiss is gentle and searching, because Sebastian is completely taken in.  His whole world is Stefano’s lips pressing warmly on his own and the weight of Stefano’s body, and Stefano’s hips pushing against the outside of his thigh, setting off new flutters of arousal.

 

 

Sebastian has to fight, physically fight, not to roll over onto Stefano and thrust his tongue into his mouth, not to grind against him, press him hard into the mattress.  But he is sure that all of that would be more than Stefano is ready for, and no matter how much his body is fighting him, he can wait.  He will wait, and he will let Stefano take the lead and just enjoy all of the feelings and the closeness and the delicious friction as Stefano rolls his hips again.

 

 

Stefano must be gaining some confidence because the way he presses against Sebastian is too deliberate, too focused, and Sebastian gasps as Stefano slips his leg between Sebastian’s, blatantly rubs his thigh against Sebastian’s growing erection.  Stefano’s tongue is slipping into his mouth, hot and slick and invading his body in the most pleasant way.  Sebastian groans deep in his throat, lets his tongue stroke Stefano’s, and runs his hands carefully up and down Stefano’s back.

 

When Stefano breaks the kiss and buries his face in Sebastian’s neck, Sebastian is actually encouraged, because Stefano sounds like he is getting close.  His breath is coming in harsh pants, and he is thrusting more firmly against Sebastian’s leg, but then suddenly he goes still, lifting his head to look into Sebastian’s face.

 

“Sebastian,” he gasps, looking lost.  “I can’t…”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian says, rubbing Stefano’s back soothingly.  “You can.  You’re safe with me.”

 

Stefano nods and takes a deep breath.  He presses his face into Sebastian’s neck again and his hands, which have been resting on Sebastian’s chest, move under Sebastian to clutch at his shoulders.  His hips begin to move again, tentatively at first, but quickly falling back into a rhythm.

 

Even though he is carefully keeping track of Stefano, Sebastian is very much enjoying the pressure Stefano’s leg puts on his groin with every thrust.  He struggles to keep his hands neutral, to simply rub Stefano’s back or lightly squeeze his hips, but not to pull Stefano against him or do anything that Stefano might find unpleasant or rough.  Sebastian’s own heart is racing now, and his breath is coming faster, and in that moment he can understand why Stefano might have thought this was a bad feeling, but when Stefano moans into his neck on one particularly strong thrust, Sebastian can’t think about anything except Stefano.

 

Stefano’s movements are becoming more erratic and his gasps are interspersed with whines and soft moans, and Sebastian can feel the tension building in his body with each thrust.  Sebastian makes a conscious effort to shut out his own body entirely, to focus on Stefano, which is how he notices when Stefano falters and seems for a moment like he might stop again.

 

“Don’t fight it,” Sebastian murmurs, running a hand comfortingly up and down Stefano’s back.  “Just let it happen.”

 

Then Stefano is thrusting against him with renewed enthusiasm, and his movements are strong, certain, even as he starts to lose the rhythm and just rub frantically against Sebastian.  Stefano draws his breath in sharply, making a small choked noise in his throat as he presses down onto Sebastian one last time and goes still, breathing hard as all of the tension leaves his body.

 

Sebastian continues to rub Stefano’s back, and he leans down to kiss the top of Stefano’s head.  Stefano is still breathing hard, but he is limp against Sebastian.

 

“You’re okay,” Sebastian says softly.  “Just relax and catch your breath.”  He does feel a little silly for reassuring Stefano at this point, when hopefully Stefano is feeling really, really good, but with all of the complicated feelings Stefano seems to have about sex and the expectations he sets for himself, it seems like a good idea to make sure Stefano knows that he is safe and that Sebastian isn’t expecting anything else from him.

 

Stefano’s breathing is slowing down, and he squeezes Sebastian’s shoulders before he lifts his head to look at Sebastian, and it makes Sebastian’s heart swell to see the relaxed, blissful expression on Stefano’s face.

 

“How do you feel?” Sebastian asks, still running his hands along Stefano’s back.

 

“Good,” Stefano says lazily, “Really good.”  He leans down to kiss Sebastian again, and this time it is slow and a little sloppy, but still thrilling to Sebastian, probably in part because his cock is still sandwiched between him and Stefano, and Stefano’s weight is pressing down on it so nicely.

 

“That was… different from what I’ve done before, I think,” Stefano continues, his voice taking on a dreamy quality.  “Or at least, I have no memory of anything like that.  Did it feel good for you as well?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers.  “That was great.”

 

Stefano smiles and shifts against Sebastian and seems to notice his erection for the first time.  “You didn’t…?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies, “but that’s fine.  That wasn’t about me.”

 

“Should I…?” Stefano starts to ask but just ends up glancing down Sebastian’s body and looking a little panicked.

 

“No,” Sebastian says quickly, because if the fact that Stefano asked him ‘should I’ instead of ‘can I’ didn’t tip him off that this isn’t a good idea, Stefano’s expression certainly would.  “Maybe some other time,” he says, still rubbing Stefano’s back.

 

Stefano nods, rolls off of Sebastian, and stretches, and Sebastian is relieved to see that his face is relaxed once again.  However, if Sebastian is going to do anything today other than lie in bed, he needs to get rid of this erection.

 

“Do you need to get cleaned up?” he asks Stefano.  “Because I probably need to do something about this.”  He gestures to his cock, which is making a noticeable bulge in his pajama pants.

 

Stefano’s eye widens a little.  “Can I stay while you do that?” he asks.

 

“Of course,” Sebastian replies, because even if he does feel a little prickle of self-consciousness at the thought of doing this with an audience, he can’t deny Stefano anything.  Plus, he has to admit that the idea of Stefano watching him masturbate is fucking hot.

 

Stefano turns on his side facing Sebastian, and Sebastian reaches for the box of tissues next to the bed, grabbing a couple for himself and handing a few to Stefano as well.  While Stefano cleans himself up, Sebastian digs around in his bag, which is close to his side of the bed, until he finds the lube he bought on their first shopping trip.  Then he slides his pajama pants off his hips, pushing them down to his knees.  As an afterthought, he lifts his T-shirt up to his chest, partly to avoid getting it messy and partly because it will give Stefano a view of more of his body.

 

In his peripheral vision, he sees Stefano jump a little as he uncaps the lube, but when he glances over Stefano is looking intrigued.  He pours a little lube into his hand and sets the bottle on the night table before taking his cock in his slick grasp.

 

His overworked nerves welcome any kind of contact, and if he was by himself, he would take a firm grip and be finished in just a few pumps of his fist, because he is still so excited from seeing and hearing and feeling Stefano bring himself to climax.  But he is not alone, and he wants to put on a little bit of a show for Stefano, so he makes a loose fist, keeps his touch light, and just lets his hand slide up and down his cock easily.

 

It still feels great, and knowing that Stefano’s eye is on him seems to magnify the sensations.  Sebastian finds that within just a few strokes, his hips are jerking up toward his hand and a low moan escapes his throat.    He chances a look over at Stefano, who is still staring at him with rapt attention, and that alone almost pushes him too far.  He has to close his eyes and take his hand off of his cock entirely for a moment and breathe deeply and concentrate on not coming at just the idea that Stefano is looking at him like that.

 

While he is trying to regain some control, he brings his other hand to his balls, cups them in his palm and squeezes gently, which is a different kind of sensation.  It is certainly exciting, but not as urgent, and it allows him to clear his head for a moment, but then Stefano shifts closer to him.  Sebastian opens his eyes to see that Stefano is still staring.  His pupil is dilated and his mouth is hanging slightly open, and Sebastian is about to tell Stefano that if he wants this to go on for any length of time, he is going to have to stop looking so enticing.  But then Stefano is tentatively reaching out his hand, looking to Sebastian for approval.

 

“Please,” Sebastian says immediately in between heavy, panting breaths, because he needs Stefano to touch him.  It doesn’t matter how or where, he just needs Stefano’s hands on his body.

 

Sebastian moans aloud as Stefano’s hand lands on his upper arm, sliding up to his shoulder before shifting over to his chest to make slow circles.  Even though Stefano’s touch is clearly more about comfort and affection than anything sexual, it drives Sebastian’s excitement to new heights, because it is still Stefano touching his bare skin.  Sebastian’s hand finds his cock again, stroking and squeezing more firmly this time, because with Stefano actually touching him, he can’t hold back anymore.

 

Stefano continues to run his hands all over Sebastian, lightly petting his chest and stomach, dipping down as far as the tops of his thighs before sliding back up.  These soft, soothing touches blend in so perfectly with the way Sebastian’s own hands move on his cock and balls that Sebastian feels wonderfully safe and warm and the arousal is starting pool again in his belly.  His grip on his cock tightens and his hips begin to move of their own accord, and in the next few strokes he picks up the pace, grunting at the rush of pleasure that comes with the firmer stimulation.

 

He is doing his best to stay quiet, because even with the door closed and the TV turned up pretty loud, he is still a little concerned about Lily overhearing them, but Stefano’s gentle touches and Stefano’s body pressed up against his side, and Stefano’s intense gaze are making his own hand feel better than it has ever felt before, and a few noises are slipping out as he pumps his cock even faster.

 

Sebastian can feel the tension building, knows that he is getting close to the edge and finally he hits that perfect rhythm with just the right pressure and his other hand is squeezing his balls firmly and Stefano’s hand is rubbing his lower belly in such a sensitive place that all the tension that has been building up inside his body suddenly comes rushing out.  Sebastian arches up off the bed, gasps out, “Fuck!”, and comes all over his stomach and chest.

 

Stefano continues to stroke Sebastian’s body, while Sebastian goes boneless against the mattress, whispering “Fuck,” again, though this time it is mainly to himself.  He takes a moment to consciously bring his breathing back under control, to allow his body to stop shaking with the aftershocks of his orgasm, before he grabs the tissues and starts to clean himself up.

 

“Thank you,” Stefano murmurs to him.

 

“No, thank _you_ ,” Sebastian replies as he rearranges his clothes, because this experience was a hundred times more intense because of Stefano’s participation.

 

Sebastian wads up the soiled tissues in his hand and tosses them onto the floor before he turns back to Stefano and pulls him into a hug.

 

“Felt really good to have your hands on me,” he murmurs to Stefano as they hold each other.

 

“Well, I do take pride in my sculpting abilities,” Stefano says, and in that moment, he sounds like the Stefano that Sebastian remembers from STEM, confident and self-assured with a touch of arrogance.  “Perhaps next time I can give you a more… intimate performance.”

 

Sebastian laughs.  “Anytime,” he says.  “Maybe I could actually learn to appreciate some art.”

 

“I think there is precious little hope of that,” Stefano says, though there is no bite to his words.  Stefano takes Sebastian’s face in his hands and kisses him once before abruptly pulling away and excusing himself to the bathroom.

 

Sebastian lies there for a few minutes, reflecting on the changes he has seen in Stefano’s personality, especially after this most recent glimpse of the old Stefano.  Clearly, being tortured by Theodore’s men has had an effect on him, and that effect still seems to revive anytime there is nudity, on Stefano’s part at least, as well as in many sexual situations.  When this happens, Stefano is simply not himself, and Sebastian isn’t entirely sure how to respond to that.  He tries to be gentle and comforting and to make sure that he is respecting Stefano’s wishes, but it is difficult to do that when sometimes he doesn’t even feel like he is interacting with the real Stefano.

 

He sighs deeply.  At least Stefano seems to be getting his confidence back and acting like himself in some situations, and hopefully with more time and patience he will be more like himself in the bedroom as well.  There is also a nagging question in Sebastian’s mind about whether, by encouraging and supporting Stefano, he is bringing them closer to a situation in which Stefano is going to do something crazy and possibly illegal for the sake of his art, but so far Sebastian has seen no sign of this, so he tucks it away in the back of his mind for now.

 

Once he and Stefano have gotten dressed and ready for the day, they collect Lily, make a quick stop at the continental breakfast, and get on the road.  Lily makes no mention of hearing any weird noises from their bedroom, so Sebastian hopes their secret is safe.

 

It isn’t until about two hours into the drive that Sebastian starts to wonder if maybe the release of tension he experienced this morning has improved his mood in general.  He has finally managed to tune in a classic rock station on the radio, and Lily pipes up from the backseat.

 

“Seriously, Dad.  Stop singing.”

 

Sebastian realizes that he has, in fact, been singing.  He also realizes that in the last couple of hours, he hasn’t been compulsively checking on Lily and Stefano, or developing theories about Mobius, or looking in the rearview mirror to see if they are being followed.  He has just been driving, and listening to the radio and talking to Stefano and Lily, and it has been surprisingly pleasant.

 

Of course, the only reasonable response to Lily’s comment is to sing even louder, which he does, until Stefano groans and Lily covers her ears, and for a moment Sebastian actually feels like he is on a family road trip.

 

That feeling continues when they stop for lunch at a roadside picnic table.  Sebastian brings the cooler over to the table and starts making sandwiches, while Stefano and Lily wander off with the camera.  They both seem to be getting stronger every day, and Sebastian can’t help but smiles as he watches Stefano showing Lily how the camera works.

 

Apparently Lily has some artistic interests, because as they return to the table and sit down across from Sebastian, Stefano is explaining things like lighting and composition.  Lily keeps asking questions and making suggestions, and Sebastian just quietly passes them each a sandwich and a soda, because he doesn’t want to interrupt the conversation.

 

A few minutes later, Stefano is right in the middle of explaining something about depth of field, which means nothing to Sebastian, when Lily points over Sebastian’s shoulder and says, “Bear.”

 

“Nice try,” Sebastian says, because Lily doesn’t sound particularly alarmed and is clearly playing a prank on him.  Then Stefano raises his camera and starts clicking away, and Sebastian whirls around to see that there is actually a bear at the edge of the clearing, ambling toward them with an expectant look on its face.

 

“Shit!” Sebastian is on his feet with his gun drawn before he even has time to think.

 

“I don’t think you should shoot a bear with a handgun,” says Stefano calmly from behind him.  “Isn’t that just going to make it mad?”

 

“I don’t know!” Sebastian snaps, his eyes still on the bear which is slowly advancing on their table.  “What would you suggest?”

 

“Use a deep voice and try to make yourself look bigger!” Lily says in a rush.  Lily has been watching a lot of nature programs, so Sebastian figures it’s worth a try.  Unfortunately the bear seems unimpressed when he raises his arms over his head and yells at it in his most commanding voice.  It pauses for a moment and flares its nostrils at him, but then starts moving toward them again.

 

The bear is less than thirty feet away now, and Sebastian is out of ideas, so he pivots around the table and grabs Lily, and Stefano throws half of a sandwich at the bear, and all three of them sprint back to the car, dive inside, and lock the doors.

 

“You know, you’re not supposed to run from a bear,” Lily informs him as soon as she has caught her breath.

 

Even though everyone’s adrenaline is high, it becomes apparent almost immediately that this is not really the dangerous kind of bear.  It eats Stefano’s sandwich in a single bite and then waddles over to the picnic table where it stands up on its hind legs and begins to gnaw on the corner of their cooler.  It isn’t even particularly committed to that, because it eventually gives up and spends a few minutes vigorously scratching its back on the edge of the table, while Stefano leans out the window and takes some more pictures and Lily squeals about how cute it is.

 

Regardless of how lazy it seems to be, it is still a bear, so Sebastian waits for it to wander off into the woods and out of sight before he returns to the picnic table to collect their cooler, cautioning Stefano and Lily to stay in the SUV.  The cooler still seems to be functional, though it has some rather obvious teeth marks in the plastic.  As he climbs back into the car, Lily is leaning over the back of the passenger seat, looking at the pictures Stefano is flipping through on his camera.

 

“Yes, that’s a good one!” Lily exclaims, and Stefano turns the viewing screen toward Sebastian so that he can see an over-the-shoulder shot of himself pointing his gun at the bear.

 

“What the hell, Stefano?” he says, exasperated.  “Why would you be taking pictures at a time like that?”

 

“Thought I would sell them to the newspaper,” Stefano says, the corner of his mouth twitching.  “Unidentified tourist devoured by bear.”

 

Lily falls back into her own seat, laughing hysterically, as Stefano pats Sebastian on the knee.  Despite the receding adrenaline, Sebastian laughs too, and they get back on the road.  Stefano and Lily are still passing the camera back and forth and discussing the pictures, so they don’t even complain too much when Sebastian starts singing along to the radio again.

 

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefano presses his face against Sebastian’s neck. He shivers for just a moment with the potent blend of fear and excitement of what they are about to do and whispers, “Please, touch me.”

 

 

Stefano can remember very clearly swearing to never set foot in a megastore again, yet that is exactly where he finds himself on the afternoon of the bear encounter.  At least this time, Sebastian isn’t ranting and raving about Mobius tracking their cell phones.

 

Sebastian has, however, put some thought into this shopping trip, as he outlined to Stefano in the car before they came in.   He is going to buy phones for all three of them, provide a false name, and pay for the next two months in cash, so that at least none of their actual names will be associated with the phone numbers.

 

Stefano is considering the display of scarves and gloves, both of which are components that are missing from his current wardrobe, when Lily comes up beside him.

 

“Can you teach me to draw?” she asks.

 

Stefano opens his mouth to say that artistic ability is something one is born with, not something that can be learned, but that seems a bit harsh for someone Lily’s age, and he supposes there are some fundamental skills that could be attained through instruction, so he simply says, “Yes.  Let’s go and find some supplies.”

 

Once he and Lily have picked up some sketch pads and a few sets of decent drawing pencils, Stefano casually strolls by the electronics section to see what on earth is taking Sebastian so long, but Sebastian is not there.  Stefano finds him in the sporting goods section looking longingly at the shotguns.  Apparently this store actually does sell everything.

 

“No.” Stefano says firmly as he walks up behind Sebastian.  “Think of the paper trail you would be leaving if you bought a gun.”

 

Sebastian turns to him, looking resigned.  “You’re right.  Let’s check out and get going again.  If anyone does view the surveillance footage, I want to be a long way from here when they do.”

 

Stefano doesn’t think anyone will be viewing the surveillance footage, but he is eager get out of the store, so he simply nods and follows Sebastian to the registers.

 

After a few more hours of driving and a stop for dinner, they arrive at their next hotel, which, to Lily’s delight, also has an indoor pool.  Lily immediately goes to her room to change, and Sebastian turns to Stefano.

 

“Are you coming to the pool?” he asks.

 

“I don’t think so,” Stefano replies.  “I generally prefer not to wallow in other people’s germs.”

 

This isn’t entirely true, or at least, this isn’t the actual reason that Stefano doesn’t want to go to the pool with them.  Being anything less than fully clothed at the moment makes him feel so exposed and so vulnerable, and his own body has changed so much that he doesn’t even recognize himself when he looks in the mirror.  He certainly didn’t have the physique of a model before, but now he is so thin and angular and pale that he frankly finds himself revolting to look at and can’t imagine why anyone else would think differently.

 

Sebastian apparently is still trying to convince him.  “Not to brag,” he says, “but you will get to see me in a bathing suit.”

 

Stefano snorts in laughter at that.  “I think I saw quite a lot of you yesterday,” he replies.

 

“Please come with us,” Sebastian says, his expression becoming more serious.  “It makes me nervous to leave you here alone.”

 

“I will come and sit with you,” Stefano concedes.

 

“Why don’t you come and sit with us in your bathing suit?” Sebastian suggests.

 

“Because now I feel as though I am involved in some kind of negotiation,” Stefano answers truthfully.

 

Sebastian laughs.  “I was top of my class in hostage negotiation school, so you have no chance.  Might as well go change.”

 

“And have you ever actually diffused a hostage situation?” Stefano asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Not even once,” Sebastian replies with a smile.  “Never had one come up on my shift, but the training was great for getting people to do things for me around the office.”  He sits down on the couch next to Stefano.  “Are you going to tell me what’s actually bothering you?”

 

“Are you going to give me a moment’s peace if I don’t?” Stefano snaps back.  It comes off much harsher than he intended, and Sebastian’s expression falters for a moment.  He starts to stand up, but Stefano grabs his arm.

 

“I am sorry,” Stefano says.  “I did not mean to offend you.  It’s just that…” He takes a deep breath.  “…being in STEM has changed me physically, and I am not quite used to it yet.”  He looks down at the floor, silently hoping that Sebastian will just let this go.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says, “as long as you know that it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

 

Stefano feels a flash of anger, because this is an obvious lie, and if there is one thing he has been counting on Sebastian to do, it is not to lie to him.  “You don’t have to pretend,” he says, looking Sebastian in the eyes as his voice rises in anger.  “I’ve seen how you are when I am taking my bath.  You can’t even bear to look at me!”

 

Sebastian looks like he might be about to laugh for a moment, which annoys Stefano even more, but then he quickly puts on a more serious expression and places a hand on Stefano’s knee.  Stefano swats it away.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says firmly, “listen to me.”  Sebastian is gazing intently into his face and Stefano stares right back at him.  “I don’t look at you when you’re naked because I’m trying not to make you uncomfortable.  You get so quiet and I just remember those times in the dungeon, and… I don’t even know.  I’m sorry.  I just felt like I shouldn’t look at you until you were feeling better.”

 

Sebastian reaches out a hand to Stefano, and Stefano takes it, because even through his frustration, Sebastian’s explanation makes a lot more sense than the alternative.  Sebastian continues, “It’s definitely not because I don’t want to look.  I just feel like we’ve never been in a situation where that was okay.”  He sighs.  “Sorry, it sounds stupid when I say it like that-”

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano cuts him off, squeezing his hand.  “I think I understand now.”

 

“So, does this mean I can see you naked sometime?” Sebastian asks, not even trying to hide the eagerness on his face.

 

“Perhaps,” Stefano says, because the idea of Sebastian seeing him naked is thrilling and terrifying in equal parts.  “For the moment, I think I will just change and come down to the pool with you.”

 

“Great,” Sebastian says with a smile.

 

They change in separate rooms, and Stefano pulls on one of Sebastian’s T-shirts to get a little more coverage.  By the time they make it back out to the living room, Lily is practically bouncing up and down in her enthusiasm, so they quickly gather their things and head for the pool.

 

Either they are truly in the middle of nowhere, or it is just a quiet evening, because the pool is deserted, which is perfectly fine with Stefano.  He sits in a lawn chair watching Sebastian try to teach Lily how to dive and put her on his shoulders and throw her across the pool.  While Stefano was initially concerned that Sebastian’s sense of humor might result in him getting very wet, Sebastian seems to be on his best behavior, or perhaps having too much fun with Lily, to give him a hard time… at least until he discovers the hot tub.

 

“Stefano!” Sebastian calls over the noise of the jets.  “You need to get over here.  This is where all the best germs are!”

 

“That’s disgusting!” Stefano shouts back, but Sebastian is already halfway in.

 

Stefano does move his chair over next to the hot tub, because at least then he and Sebastian won’t have to yell to hear each other.  Lily dips her toe in the water and declares it to be much too hot, before she returns to the pool.  Sebastian positions himself so that he is facing the pool and sinks down into the water, his eyes closing as a blissful expression crosses his face.

 

Stefano almost laughs, because the face Sebastian is making is not unlike the one he was making this morning while he was touching himself.  Stefano takes a moment to savor that memory, because the image of Sebastian flushed and panting, eyes half-lidded, as his hand slides up and down his cock is still fresh in his mind, and Stefano is certain of two things: He wants to see Sebastian like that again, and he wants to be the cause of Sebastian’s pleasure.

 

“Whoa there,” Sebastian says, eyes now open and looking at Stefano.  “If you’re going to be staring at me like that, you might as well get in here.”

 

Stefano hesitates for so many reasons, but the idea of wet, mostly naked Sebastian is enticing.  His indecision must show on his face, because Sebastian adds, “It actually feels really nice if you’re sore from sitting in the car all day.”

 

Stefano is sore, though he isn’t sure if it’s from sitting in the car all day or walking for the first time in years.  Either way, he could probably use a good soak, and Sebastian is going to have to see his body at some point.  Might as well get it over with.

 

He takes a deep breath and pulls his shirt off over his head, kicks off his shoes, and stands up.  He takes the hand that Sebastian offers for support and steps carefully down into the water.  It is very warm and he has to ease himself down, little by little, until he is sitting beside Sebastian, who is smiling broadly.

 

“Now what?” Stefano asks, with some annoyance, because he is sure that Sebastian is going to brag about convincing him to get in the water.

 

“Are you going to yell at me again if I tell you how beautiful you are?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano has to think on that one for a moment, because this is not what he was expecting to hear.  “Perhaps,” he says finally, because he doesn’t really understand what Sebastian is getting at.  Beautiful is a word Stefano might use to describe a piece of artwork, but he is not sure that it can be properly used to describe a person, particularly not someone as physically imperfect as himself.  Covered by the frothy water, he feels significantly less self-conscious, but certainly not beautiful.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian replies, still smiling, “then I won’t tell you.”

 

Stefano sits back and closes his eye, choosing to ignore Sebastian’s confusing behavior for the moment and just enjoy the way the warm water and jets are working over his sore muscles and trying not to imagine how many other people’s dead skin cells are probably washing over him as he sits here.

 

“Can I rub your back?” Sebastian asks hopefully.

 

Stefano opens his eye.  “If you want to,” he replies uncertainly.  While Stefano has accepted that Sebastian would always prefer to have his hands on him, he still feels a bit awkward about how much Sebastian wants to touch him, particularly when the touching doesn’t seem to benefit Sebastian at all.

 

“That’s why I asked,” Sebastian says.  “Here, turn around.”

 

Stefano turns his back to Sebastian, resting his elbow on the edge of the tub and trying to relax, which is no easy feat when he is anticipating someone touching him.  Sebastian’s hands rest lightly on his shoulders at first, and he is sure that Sebastian can detect the tension there.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says.  “Just let me know if you want me to stop.”

 

Stefano nods.  He isn’t sure what his back looks like, but if it is anything like his front, then he can’t imagine why Sebastian wants to touch him so much… unless he is working up to doing something else.  But this is Sebastian, and Sebastian has always been straightforward with him, and even though the thought of Sebastian’s hands on his bare skin is a little daunting, he thinks back to those times in the safe houses when Sebastian would slip his hands under his clothes to comfort and reassure him.  Maybe this will be more like one of those times.

 

Sebastian’s hands simply glide up and down his back at first, stroking his skin without exerting any real pressure, and Stefano can’t be sure whether it’s the warm water or the fact that it is Sebastian’s hands on him, but the overall effect is very soothing.  When Sebastian’s hands pause at his shoulders and Sebastian’s fingers and thumb wrap around him and press down into the muscle, making small circles, he sighs deeply, letting himself relax more and more with each movement of Sebastian’s fingers.

 

Despite what Stefano may have thought the first time he looked in the mirror here in the non-STEM world, he clearly does still have some muscles on his body, and they are terribly sore.  Each time Sebastian shifts his hands to a new place and presses his fingers in, it begins with an ache, firm strokes on muscles that are too tender, and Stefano has to hold his breath for a moment to avoid making any of the embarrassing noises that rise up in his throat, because that ache promises so much more pleasurable sensations.  And within a few more strokes, he is feeling warm and loose and so relaxed under Sebastian’s hands.

 

All of the tension in his body is melting away, - the long day in the car, the difficult conversation with Sebastian, the constant struggle between his mind and his body- none of that matters in this moment.  The only thought in his head, the only thing that exists for him, is Sebastian’s hands, which are making their way slowly down to his lower back, kneading at the muscles there.  Stefano rests his head on his arm on the edge of the tub and breathes deeply.

 

Sebastian truly has amazing hands, and Stefano is starting to wonder what those hands and fingers might feel like on other parts of his body.  No sooner has this thought crossed his mind than Sebastian is delivering a few more firm circular strokes to the area just above his swimsuit and shifting his hands to Stefano’s hips.

 

“Better?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes, that was very nice,” Stefano says as he turns to face Sebastian.  “Thank you.”

 

Sebastian smiles.  “Glad to be of service, though I think we should probably get Lily back up to the room before she gets completely waterlogged.”

 

“Agreed,” says Stefano.  “I need a shower.”

 

Back in the room, Lily excuses herself to take her own shower, and Stefano heads into his and Sebastian’s room with Sebastian right behind him.

 

“Do you want to go first?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano hesitates for a moment, because he is still feeling so warm and loose and comfortable and relaxed, and suddenly the only thing that sounds better than wet, mostly naked Sebastian is wet, completely naked Sebastian.  And he’s not sure that he is ready to be naked with Sebastian, but he also isn’t sure that he’s not ready, and Sebastian did say that he should try the things he wants to, and now he is probably over-thinking this.

 

Sebastian is waiting patiently for his response.

 

“Come with me,” Stefano says.  His voice is very soft, because his mouth is very dry, but he extends a hand to Sebastian, who seems to get the idea, because he smiles warmly.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says as Stefano leads him into the bathroom and turns on the water.  Then he turns back to Sebastian and grabs the hem of his T-shirt, lifting it up to expose Sebastian’s chest, which looks just as appealing as last time he saw it, although the context is very different.  Sebastian raises his arms and helps Stefano pull his shirt over his head, before discarding it on the floor.

 

Stefano just stares for a moment, because his inclination is to reach out and touch Sebastian’s chest, to look for scars and signs of healing burns, but he sees only the same bruises that were there yesterday.  His mind reels a little as he considers that their physical bodies, they ones that they have here in the non-STEM world, haven’t been subjected to all of the things that they experienced in STEM.  If that is the case, then it is only his mind that Theodore’s men destroyed, not his body, but Stefano can’t decide if that is better or worse.

 

He has much more pressing concerns though, namely that Sebastian is now shirtless and standing very close to him.  Stefano feels a tremor run through his body, though he isn’t sure if it is excitement or fear or some combination of the two.  He takes another half step forward and raises his hands to rest his palms on Sebastian’s chest.

 

Sebastian shivers then, and they both smile, before Stefano slides his hands up, wraps his arms around Sebastian’s neck and reaches up to kiss him on the mouth.  Sebastian’s tongue is teasing his lips almost immediately, and Stefano parts his own lips to allow Sebastian in. 

 

Sebastian still tastes of his after-dinner coffee, rich and bitter, and his tongue first trails lightly along Stefano’s, then, after Stefano tightens his grip on Sebastian, it begins to move in firm, rhythmic strokes that remind Stefano of the way Sebastian kissed him in Myra’s realm, the way he took control of Stefano’s mouth.  It awakens that longing, that ache in Stefano’s lower belly, and before he knows it he is pressing his whole body against Sebastian, pushing him back against the wall.

 

Sebastian moans into the kiss as his hands move down Stefano’s back to grab the bottom of his shirt.  Stefano steps back and relinquishes Sebastian’s mouth for a moment, and Sebastian is pulling the shirt over his head and tossing it away, which is more than alright with Stefano.  Stefano practically lunges forward to press himself against Sebastian again, because he needs to be closer, needs to feel more of Sebastian.  Sebastian’s tongue is in his mouth, and Sebastian’s bare chest is pressed against his, and Sebastian’s name is echoing in his head over and over again as his hips thrust forward without his permission, pressing his hardening cock against Sebastian’s leg.

 

Stefano pulls back for a moment and rests his forehead against Sebastian’s chest, because his heart is pounding now and it is getting hard to catch his breath, and his body is trying to tell him that this is too much, even though he knows that he wants more.

 

Sebastian’s hands are splayed across his back, rubbing gently as Sebastian whispers in his ear.  “It’s okay.  I’ve got you.”  He draws in a few more breaths, as though he is trying to calm himself down as well, before he whispers, “You’re in control here.  What do you want?”

 

And Stefano knows what he wants, even though there is still some fear swirling somewhere inside his chest, along with the excitement and lust.  He knows that he doesn’t want to stop yet, knows that he wants to feel Sebastian’s hands in other places, to touch more of Sebastian.  He raises his head and looks up into Sebastian’s face, and Sebastian’s expression is so kind and so comforting that the fear is receding somewhat, to be replaced by longing.

 

He leans in to kiss Sebastian again, but jumps away when he feels something touch the right side of his face.

 

“Sorry!” Sebastian says quickly.  “Fuck, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean-”

 

“Stop,” Stefano says, effectively cutting him off.  He steps in close and embraces Sebastian, before taking a step back so that he can look him in the eye.  “It’s not you.  I have always been like that.  Well, at least since…” He gestures to his missing eye.  “I don’t have peripheral vision on that side.”

 

“Right,” Sebastian says, still looking panicked himself.  “Are you okay?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies calmly.  “Are you?”

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath.  “I think so,” he answers.

 

Stefano smiles in a way that he hopes is reassuring.  Sebastian is still clearly affected by what happened in the dungeon almost as much as Stefano himself, but Stefano doesn’t want to think about that right now.  Aside from being momentarily startled, he is still very much in the mood to spend some time exploring with Sebastian.

 

This time Sebastian’s hand comes in from the left side, and while it still makes Stefano a little wary to have someone’s hand moving toward his face, Sebastian simply cups his cheek and draws him in for another kiss.  Stefano’s hands end up on Sebastian’s chest again, drawing invisible patterns on his skin as they make their way lower and lower until they are skimming the waistband of his swimsuit.  Sebastian’s hands join his and push the swimsuit off of his hips so that it drops to the floor, and Sebastian quickly steps out of it.

 

Stefano breaks the kiss and steps back to take a look at Sebastian, whose face shows only mild amusement at this development.  Stefano is, not for the first time, a bit jealous of Sebastian’s level of comfort with his own body, but decides he might be able to excuse it, because Sebastian’s body is exceptional.  His chest and abdominal muscles are defined, his skin is either well tanned or naturally darker, and he holds himself with an easy confidence, gazing at Stefano as though he knows exactly what Stefano is doing and is willing to wait him out.

 

Stefano’s eye is drawn down to his cock, which is showing signs of interest, though nowhere near erect at the moment.  Stefano is fairly confident he can change that though.  He may not have many detailed memories of previous romantic encounters, but he certainly remembers enough to see him through this situation.

 

He steps back in, taking care to press his hip between Sebastian’s legs as he kisses him again, this time thrusting his tongue into Sebastian’s mouth as he grinds his hip against Sebastian’s cock.  Sebastian groans, then breaks the kiss, gasping for breath.  He rests his head on top of Stefano’s as he pants, “Fuck… fuck, Stefano, that’s…fuck.”

 

Stefano feels a sense of accomplishment that he has reduced Sebastian to incoherent muttering, although he sometimes forgets how long it must have been since Sebastian has been held or touched or granted any sort of meaningful physical contact.  Another moan escapes Sebastian as he begins to rock his body against Stefano’s, his hands slipping to Stefano’s waist and holding him in a tight grip.

 

Stefano only lets him get a few seconds in before it suddenly dawns on him that the shower has been running this whole time.  “Why don’t we get in the shower before we use up all of the hot water for this floor?” he suggests.

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sebastian sighs as he loosens his grip on Stefano.

 

Stefano steps back and reaches for his own swimsuit.  He can’t quite bring himself to take it off though, because as much as he wants to do this and share this with Sebastian, the idea of Sebastian looking at his naked body brings back painful memories.  Sebastian has always been gentle and respectful of his body of course, but he has seen Stefano when he was so damaged, so broken that Stefano isn’t sure if they can ever come back from that, if Sebastian can ever look upon him with anything other than pity.

 

It is then that he remembers something Sebastian said quite a while ago, back in the Marrow, about the difference between pity and compassion.  Sebastian did not see him as damaged then, and if that is the case, then there is a good chance that Sebastian does not see him as damaged now either.

 

Stefano slips his fingers into the waistband of his swimsuit and slides it down enough that it can drop to the floor.  He steps out of it carefully, keeping his gaze trained on the floor because he is not ready to see Sebastian’s reaction yet.

 

After a few seconds of silence, Stefano looks up.  Sebastian has gone tense, almost like a predator stalking its prey.  His chest is visibly rising and falling, and as his eyes sweep up and down Stefano’s body, Stefano can see that he swallows hard.  Stefano can tell, without any words being spoken, that Sebastian wants him, and wants him intensely, and the idea is thrilling and terrifying all at once.  He takes Sebastian’s hand and nods toward the shower.  “Come on.  You can stare at me just as well in there.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re up for,” Sebastian says as he allows himself to be led into the large shower area, “but I’d like to do a lot more than stare at you.”

 

“Good,” Stefano replies, trying to put more confidence into his voice than he actually feels, “because the staring is going to become quite awkward if it goes on much longer.”

 

Sebastian laughs.  “Well I specialize in awkward, but let me try something else…”  He reaches out and takes Stefano by the hips, pulling him under the shower spray as well and bringing their mouths together again.  Stefano sighs and relaxes into the combined sensations of Sebastian’s tongue stroking his, Sebastian’s hands gently squeezing his hips, and the warm water cascading over both of them.

 

Then a slight shift of Sebastian’s hips has Stefano’s cock brushing up against Sebastian’s, and both of them gasp at once.  It feels so different, so surprisingly sensitive, that Stefano has to try it again and again.  The warm water allows their bodies to slide easily against each other, and the wonderful feeling of soft, wet skin gliding against soft, wet skin continues to build as Sebastian’s tongue works its way further into his mouth.

 

Sebastian’s hands slide from Stefano’s hips to his ass, pulling Stefano harder against him, and Stefano tenses, because Sebastian’s hands are close to a very sensitive area, where he is not sure he wants to be touched at the moment.

 

Sebastian must be able to feel the tension, because he pulls back from Stefano, though his hands stay where they are.  “You okay?” he asks, giving Stefano a serious look.

 

Stefano struggles to figure out how to answer, but tries, “What you are doing at the moment is fine, but be careful with your hands.”  He gestures behind him to where Sebastian’s hands are currently located.  “I don’t think…”

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says, realization dawning on his face.  “No, I’m definitely not doing anything like that,” he continues as his hands shift back to Stefano’s hips.  “I won’t touch you there unless you tell me it’s okay.”

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian continues.  “If we wanted to try that at some point, we’d need a lot more time and preparation than we can do in the shower.”  He lightly squeezes Stefano’s hips and leans in to kiss his forehead.

 

After such a serious conversation, Stefano’s feelings of arousal have diminished significantly.  Sebastian must be able to sense the shift in mood as well, because he gives Stefano’s hips one more squeeze, then releases them and reaches for a washcloth.  He soaps it up and looks at Stefano.  “Can I help you wash up?”

 

“Please,” Stefano replies, because the idea of Sebastian carefully washing his whole body sets off new flutters of excitement in him.  “Just allow me to wash my own face if you don’t mind.”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says, handing him the washcloth.  Stefano turns toward the showerhead, away from Sebastian, so that he can wash his face.  He is not ready to show Sebastian this part of himself yet, even when he is otherwise naked before him, and he also fears that he may not be able to suppress his reaction if Sebastian reaches for his face again.

 

Once that is done, Stefano turns back to Sebastian and hands him the washcloth.  Sebastian takes a deep breath, and despite his relaxed posture and his reassuring smile, Stefano detects an undercurrent of tension and realizes that Sebastian might also be a little nervous about this.

 

Sebastian moves to stand behind him and starts at the top of his shoulders, making slow circles with the cloth as he gradually works his way down to the small of Stefano’s back, which feels comfortable and soothing, like it has each time Sebastian has helped him wash himself, though this time he feels like Sebastian’s touch is lingering in some places.  He is using very light pressure, just enough to spread the soap across Stefano’s skin, and the contrast between this and the much firmer massage Sebastian gave him earlier makes him consider just how much thought Sebastian puts into each time he touches him.

 

When Sebastian shifts to stand in front of him and brings the washcloth up to his chest, there is a brief flash of anxiety, because he does feel very exposed like this, but he reminds himself that this is Sebastian, and Sebastian is not going to hurt him intentionally.  Sebastian takes up his slow circles again, moving from Stefano’s chest down to his abdomen.  Stefano’s heart is beating harder as Sebastian draws the cloth across his lower belly, but Sebastian’s touch is so gentle that it almost tickles, and Stefano takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.  He is still in control.

 

Sebastian bypasses Stefano’s cock and balls entirely and moves on to his thighs, pausing briefly to reapply soap to the washcloth.  It reminds Stefano of the first time in the dungeon, how Sebastian waited as long as he could before trying to touch him in more intimate areas, except that this time, Stefano feels a little disappointed.  It is still nice to feel Sebastian carefully washing his legs, but part of Stefano wants Sebastian’s hands somewhere else.  And when Sebastian kneels down in front of him to wash his lower legs, Stefano has some very interesting thoughts about other things Sebastian could do in this position.

 

When Sebastian finishes with Stefano’s legs, he remains kneeling in front of him.  He rests the washcloth on Stefano’s upper thigh and looks up at him.  “Alright if I continue?” he asks.

 

Stefano’s breath catches in his throat, and he can only nod, because he very much does want Sebastian to continue.  Sebastian carefully takes his cock in hand, moving the cloth over it in light, controlled strokes.  Each move Sebastian makes sets off a pleasurable tingle in his lower belly, causes his cock to twitch and his hips to press forward, but Sebastian will not be rushed.

 

When Sebastian’s other hand gently rolls back Stefano’s foreskin and the warm water touches the head of his cock directly, it’s almost too much.  That area is so sensitive, and it’s been so long since anyone touched him there without inflicting pain.  Stefano grabs Sebastian’s shoulders tightly, gasps, and arches his back, and Sebastian stills his hands.

 

“Okay?” Sebastian asks, looking up at him.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, “just a little sensitive.”

 

Sebastian nods.  “Just tell me if it’s too much,” he says.

 

Stefano nods again and tries to steady his breathing, because even when Sebastian isn’t touching him directly, the water running over him is its own sensation.  That feeling is overpowered though, when Sebastian returns to carefully washing his cock and balls.  Sebastian’s movements, while very gentle, are also sure and confident, and cause Stefano to imagine what Sebastian could do with those hands if he was focused less on washing and more on pleasure.

 

All too soon, Sebastian is finished, and he sets the washcloth aside and brings his hands to Stefano’s hips.  He leans in to place a kiss at the top of Stefano’s thigh, his facial hair teasing Stefano’s wet skin.

 

“Is there something else I can do for you?” he asks, looking up at Stefano, and his voice is hushed, barely audible over the water.  The longing in his eyes tells Stefano just how much he would like to be able to do something else.

 

As much as Stefano wants more, he is taken aback by the lust that is written all over Sebastian’s face.  In that moment, it seems like a deep, bottomless pool that will swallow him up if he so much as dips a toe in.  He wants more very badly, but he needs to anchor himself, needs something to hold onto to keep from being swept away by the force of Sebastian’s desire and his own.  Interestingly enough, the most obvious anchor point is Sebastian himself.

 

Stefano takes Sebastian’s hand and lifts it, encouraging him back to his feet.  “I need to be close to you,” he says softly, leaning in to speak directly into Sebastian’s ear as he wraps his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders.

 

“That’s fine,” Sebastian murmurs back, letting his hands come to rest on Stefano’s hips again.

 

Stefano presses his face against Sebastian’s neck.  He shivers for just a moment with the potent blend of fear and excitement of what they are about to do and whispers, “Please, touch me.”

 

If Sebastian is surprised by his request, he covers it well, because there is no hesitation as one of his hands shifts down between Stefano’s legs to wrap loosely around Stefano’s cock, which is still half-hard, thanks to Sebastian’s very thorough washing and the arousing thoughts that accompanied it.  He turns his lower body slightly away from Stefano’s to give himself more room to move, but Stefano is content as long as he can cling to Sebastian and hide his face and brace himself for what is coming.

 

Stefano gasps at the first slight movement of Sebastian’s hand, because even that feels like a lot.  He can’t remember the last time anyone touched him like this, can’t even remember the last time he touched himself like this, and the intense, raw pleasure that bursts through with every stroke is exquisite.

 

After a few more strokes, Sebastian tightens his grip, and Stefano produces a very undignified yelp, because the feeling is spectacular.  Sebastian’s hand is squeezing his cock, stimulating all of the sensitive places as it slides up and down, and the warm water is still teasing him, and Stefano’s hips are jerking forward into Sebastian’s hand.

 

“Sebastian, please,” he moans against Sebastian’s neck, still clinging to his shoulders desperately.  His knees go weak as Sebastian begins to stroke faster, but fortunately Sebastian’s other hand is still on his hip, helping to support him.

 

“Damn, you’re beautiful like this,” Sebastian says, his voice a low rumble in Stefano’s ear.

 

Stefano opens his mouth to argue that point, but just then, Sebastian swipes his thumb across the tip of Stefano’s cock, so all that comes out is a soft cry of pleasure as Stefano drives his hips into Sebastian’s hand again.  Stefano is trying to keep a rhythm, but it’s very difficult when every second feels so incredibly good and Sebastian’s hand is moving faster and faster.

 

His heart is racing, his breath is coming in short bursts, and he feels out of control, is out of control, because he is completely at the mercy of Sebastian’s hand, but Sebastian is giving him what he needs, is touching him just perfectly, and he pushes through, fights off the last traces of apprehension and lets the pleasure continue to build.  He can tell that his movements are becoming erratic now, but his body is moving of its own accord, and he lets go entirely, thrusts into Sebastian’s hand one more time, crying out as his climax rips through him, his seed spattering Sebastian’s hand and chest before the water washes it away.

 

Sebastian doesn’t release him immediately.  He gently holds Stefano’s cock as he twitches through the aftershocks of a powerful orgasm, murmurs words of reassurance and praise to him, and helps keep him upright even as his knees threaten to buckle entirely.  Stefano is aware of all of this, though his mind is so fuzzy that all of it blends together into a thick blanket of warmth and comfort and pleasure that he draws around himself.

 

He is only vaguely aware of Sebastian helping him out of the shower, drying him off, and carrying him to bed, and he is only vaguely aware of Sebastian going through the rest of his bedtime routine and saying goodnight to Lily, but as soon as Sebastian turns off the light and lies down beside him, Stefano is there, draped halfway over Sebastian’s body and inhaling his scent deeply before he succumbs to sleep.

 

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is something wrong?” Stefano asks, sitting up and looking into Sebastian’s face.
> 
> “No,” Sebastian replies. “Just memories.”
> 
> Stefano nods and reaches out to stroke Sebastian’s cheek with his thumb. “Clearly I am not sufficiently distracting you from your memories.”
> 
> Sebastian smiles. “Don’t worry. It’s no reflection on you. You’re very distracting.”

 

 

Nothing makes Sebastian feel old like having to ask a ten-year old to help him activate his cell phone, particularly a ten-year old who has never owned a cell phone before.  At least the people who designed these things have made them intuitive for some people.  In his defense, it’s a different model than the one he had before, and it came with very limited instructions, but the fact remains that after charging it up for a couple of hours, he can’t even find the button to turn it on.

 

Fortunately, Lily doesn’t actually make him ask.  She just watches him struggle for a few seconds, poking ineffectually at the phone, until she heaves a sigh and grabs it out of his hand.

 

“Thanks sweetie,” Sebastian says, as he sits back on the couch and closes his eyes for a moment.  It’s almost eleven o’clock at night, and after a full day of driving, a visit to a very large farmer’s market and craft show, and a trip to the pool, he is ready for bed.

 

Lily hands him back his phone, and then picks up Stefano’s and starts working on it without being asked.  She’s done in a few minutes and turns to Stefano, who is sitting at the table with his camera reviewing the day’s photos.

 

“Mr. Valentini!” she says excitedly one second before she lobs the phone at Stefano.

 

“Hey-” Sebastian starts to protest, but Stefano snatches the phone out of the air in a way that is really remarkable for someone who must have basically no depth perception.  He sets it on the table and turns off his camera.

 

“Thank you, Lily.”

 

“No problem,” Lily says.  She turns to Sebastian.  “Can we watch a movie?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies.  “It’s time for bed.”

 

“Please?” Lily begs, staring up at Sebastian with her best puppy-dog expression.  “Please, please, please?”

 

“Alright, fine,” Sebastian relents.  After all, they are on vacation, and it’s not like Lily has school tomorrow.  They can’t even start thinking about school until they settle down somewhere.  Besides, he’s too tired to argue at the moment.

 

Lily lets out a whoop of joy and rushes into her bedroom to change into pajamas.

 

Sebastian shakes his head in disbelief, a little nostalgic for the enthusiasm and sheer energy that Lily has at her age, because after driving all day and the stress of trying to keep track of Lily and Stefano through the farmer’s market, he’s not even sure if he can stay awake for a movie.  Fortunately, Stefano seems to be on the same page, and he is already starting up the coffee maker.

 

Sebastian smiles.  “What would I do without you?”

 

“I don’t think any of us can afford to find out,” Stefano replies.  He sets out two mugs on the counter and retreats into the bedroom to change, taking his camera with him.

 

Lily emerges from her room then, carrying her pillow and a blanket.  She stakes out one end of the couch and grabs the remote.  “Can we watch a scary movie?” She asks.

 

“Yes, but not too scary,” Sebastian cautions.  “You can’t be up all night looking for monsters.”  It seems like a strange thing to say to Lily, who has seen real monsters, but she takes it in stride and begins to flip through the movie listings.  Sebastian then wonders if it’s really a good idea for any of them to watch a horror movie after their STEM experience, but Lily seems excited by the prospect.

 

Sebastian double-checks the locks on the door and goes to change into his pajamas.  He taps on the door to their room.

 

“Come in,” Stefano’s voice calls from inside.

 

Sebastian enters to see Stefano, already in his pajamas, seated on the bed and scrolling through images on his camera again.

 

“Are you up for a horror movie?” Sebastian asks.  “Lily wants to see one, but I just wasn’t sure it was a good idea after…” He can’t really put into words what he is worried about, maybe because it is such a vague idea that watching something scary will aggravate their memories of STEM.

 

“That’s fine,” Stefano says, setting the camera down on the bedside table.  “That sort of thing doesn’t bother me.”  He pauses for a moment, and his face twists into a little smirk that reminds Sebastian of the man Stefano used to be.  “But you can hold my hand if you get scared.”

 

“I hope you’re prepared to follow through on that,” Sebastian replies, “because I might be pretty scared.”  Sebastian will make any excuse to hold hands with Stefano, who is permitting much more physical contact lately and frequently initiating it himself.  Sebastian feels good anytime he is touching Stefano, but there is a different feeling, a particularly satisfying rush of warmth in his chest, when Stefano reaches out to him.

 

And Stefano does reach out to him then, takes his hand and pulls him closer, so that Sebastian is standing right in front of him.  Stefano’s expression changes suddenly.  His eye gets a little wider and his jaw goes tense, and Sebastian has been paying close enough attention in the past few days to know that Stefano doesn’t like Sebastian to stand over him while he is sitting or lying down.

 

Sebastian drops to his knees in front of Stefano, whose expression changes to mild surprise before his face relaxes again and just a hint of a smile tugs at his lips.  A second later, those lips are brushing Sebastian’s, and Stefano pulls back with a mischievous look.  Sebastian is just about to lean in for another kiss when Lily shouts from the living room.

 

“Come on you guys!  It’s way past my bedtime already!”

 

“That’s what I tried to tell her before,” Sebastian mutters to Stefano.

 

Stefano leans in and kisses him again, before he says, “I’ll go subdue Lily and check on the coffee.”

 

Sebastian almost laughs at that, because he seriously doubts that Stefano can subdue Lily without the help of Obscura and possibly the Guardian, but he stands up and turns to his bag to find his night clothes.

 

“I’ll be out in a minute,” he says to Stefano, who nods and heads out the door.

 

When Sebastian has changed clothes and returned to the living room, he finds Lily and Stefano, each wrapped in a blanket, despite the fact that the temperature in the room is perfectly comfortable by Sebastian’s standards, sitting at opposite ends of the couch glaring at each other as Stefano is explaining in an exasperated voice.

 

“True art requires vision, and that vision must come from an individual.  There are simply too many people involved in the making of a film, too many competing visions, for-”

 

“But can’t the group have a vision too?  Like in STEM?” Lily counters, and Sebastian wonders whether explaining the basic idea of the group consciousness of STEM to Lily was really a good idea.  Stefano looks like he is wondering the same thing, when his eye falls on Sebastian.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, in an overly gregarious way that Sebastian has never seen Stefano attempt before but gives him the impression that he is about to be asked for a favor.  “Maybe you can help to resolve this.  Is film-making art?”

 

“I’m not touching that one,” Sebastian says, holding his hands up in mock surrender.  For one thing, he doesn’t know whether film is art and doesn’t know why it matters, and for another, he certainly doesn’t want to incur the wrath of either Lily or Stefano.  He crosses to the couch and sits down between them, accepting the mug of coffee that Stefano hands to him.

 

Then Stefano reaches to turn off the lamp, and Lily presses play on the remote, and Sebastian tries to pay attention to the movie, but all he can think about is how nice it is to be on a comfortable couch with a cup of coffee in his hand, and Stefano’s head on his shoulder, and Lily’s head in his lap.  And he does think of Myra.  He can’t not think of Myra in this situation, because whenever he imagined having his family back, Myra was part of it.

 

There is still something so surreal about his whole experience with Myra in STEM.  He never really had a chance to appreciate having her back, so the sense of loss he feels at her death is muted, buried in the years of sorrow without her and Lily.  It is there, to be sure, but it is more of an ache in his chest than a sharp pain that demands his attention.  He imagines the ache will probably be there for a while.

 

Less than twenty minutes into the movie, Sebastian ruffles Lily’s hair and discovers that she is deeply asleep.  “Hang on,” Sebastian whispers to Stefano.  “I’m going to put Lily to bed.”

 

Stefano nods, reaches for the remote, and pauses the movie, as Sebastian picks up Lily- blanket, pillow and all- and carries her into her bedroom.  She doesn’t stir as Sebastian tucks her into her bed, kisses her on the forehead, and whispers goodnight.

 

Stefano is already flipping channels when Sebastian returns to the living room.  “You weren’t actually watching that, were you?” he asks.

 

“No,” Sebastian answers, sitting down on the couch.  “Put on whatever you want.”

 

Stefano flips a few more channels before settling on a late night talk show and turning the volume down a bit.  His hand finds Sebastian’s shoulder as he leans over and whispers in Sebastian’s ear.  “Lie down.”

 

A little thrill of excitement runs through Sebastian at that, even though Stefano’s request could be completely innocent.  He turns to look into Stefano’s face, and the expression he sees there is a mixture of interest and uncertainty, colored by a faint blush, and he realizes that Stefano himself probably doesn’t know whether this is going to be innocent or not.

 

Sebastian lies down on the couch on his side, tucking a pillow under his head, and Stefano shifts out of the way so that he can bring his legs up.  Then Stefano lies down in front of him, his back pressed to Sebastian’s front, and pulls the blanket over both of them.  Even with a few layers of clothing separating them, it is intoxicating to have his whole body pressed up against Stefano like this, and when Stefano squirms back into him, pressing even closer, Sebastian has to stifle a moan.

 

He slips one arm around Stefano’s chest, pausing to try to judge whether Stefano is comfortable or not, but Stefano’s hand covers his and interlaces their fingers, which seems like a very good sign to Sebastian.  He wants to press his face to Stefano’s neck, cover him kisses and licks and soft bites, wants to find the places that make him moan.  He has to curb those thoughts abruptly as he realizes that he is dangerously close to becoming aroused in a way that Stefano will definitely notice.

 

Sebastian brings his face to Stefano’s neck and waits for a moment, inhaling Stefano’s scent and exhaling soft puffs of warm breath onto his skin.  Stefano shivers and squirms against Sebastian again, but he doesn’t tense up or pull away.  Encouraged, Sebastian gently touches his lips to the soft skin just below Stefano’s ear.

 

Stefano draws his breath in sharply with a sound that is almost a whine.  Sebastian pauses, because even though all of Stefano’s body language seems encouraging, Sebastian has only heard that noise before when Stefano is in pain.  “You okay?” he murmurs.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, his breath coming faster.  “Don’t stop.”

 

Sebastian smiles even though Stefano can’t see him, and begins to make a trail of kisses up and down Stefano’s neck, starting with light, teasing pecks and escalating to wet, open-mouthed kisses, where his lips and tongue are dragging slowly across Stefano’s skin.  Stefano seems barely able to contain himself, his whole body trembling as he gasps and whines and whispers Sebastian’s name and pushes his ass against Sebastian’s groin, which is really very distracting.

 

Sebastian is just beginning to wonder if he should be doing something with his hand, when Stefano takes it and guides it underneath his T-shirt, placing Sebastian’s palm against the middle of his chest.  Sebastian starts to move his hand in slow circles, the same way he does when he is comforting Stefano, but this time he can tell that it is having a very different effect.  Stefano continues to make all sorts of soft, appealing noises as Sebastian’s hand strokes his chest and Sebastian’s mouth works along his neck.  Then Sebastian traces a finger over his nipple, and Stefano moans and thrusts his hips forward.

 

This is clearly a sensitive area for Stefano, because Sebastian is able to reproduce this effect several times, until Stefano is rhythmically thrusting his hips into the empty space in front of him.  Sebastian takes the nipple between his thumb and forefinger and squeezes lightly, not wanting to pinch or tug too hard since this is an area that was targeted by Theodore’s men.  Fortunately, every noise Stefano makes suggests that he is enjoying himself, and when Sebastian presses a wet kiss to the juncture of Stefano’s neck and shoulder, Stefano sighs, “Yes, Sebastian.”

 

Stefano’s hand takes his again and moves it down to his lower belly, just at the top of his pajama pants.  Sebastian starts with the slow circles again, even though it’s pretty clear what Stefano wants from the way he grinds back against Sebastian and the impatient huff that escapes him.  Sebastian moves his hand lower and presses his palm over Stefano’s cock, which is already tenting the front of his pants.

 

He starts out slowly, just rubbing and squeezing lightly over Stefano’s clothes as Stefano moans and sighs and thrusts his hips forward, pushing his cock against Sebastian’s hand.  Sebastian’s mouth is on Stefano’s neck again, teasing and tasting until Stefano turns back toward Sebastian a little, lets his head fall back on the pillow, closes his eye, and bares his throat to Sebastian.

 

 Sebastian is quick to shift his attentions to Stefano’s throat, and the first time he draws his tongue along it, Stefano gasps and his hips buck against Sebastian’s hand, and it is a beautiful sound and a beautiful feeling, and Sebastian is already getting hard from listening to those noises and the way Stefano is pressing back against him.  He moves his mouth up and down Stefano’s throat, leaving sloppy, tongue-filled kisses and nipping gently at Stefano’s skin as his hand slips under the waistband of Stefano’s pants and his palm strokes over Stefano’s cock.

 

Stefano is panting now, his body quivering against Sebastian and his hand reaching behind him, fumbling between Sebastian’s legs until he finds Sebastian’s cock and delivers a squeeze that has Sebastian grunting and biting down on Stefano’s neck a little harder than he intended.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian says quickly.  “Wasn’t expecting that.”

 

“It’s quite alright,” Stefano replies smoothly.  “It felt… exciting.”

 

“Should we move to the bedroom?” Sebastian asks, and no sooner are the words out of his mouth than he feels Stefano go tense against him.  He slips his hand free of Stefano’s pants and lets it come to rest on his belly just above his waistband.

 

“We don’t have to,” Sebastian adds quickly, hoping he hasn’t lost Stefano completely.  “We can stay right here- wherever you’re comfortable.”

 

Stefano is looking at the ceiling instead of Sebastian, and he nods absently.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian sighs.  “I didn’t mean anything by that except that we might be more comfortable and not have to worry about Lily waking up and walking in on us.  I’m sorry if it sounded like I was suggesting something else.  That’s not what I meant at all.”

 

Stefano does look at Sebastian then.  “We can go to the bedroom and just do this?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies, beginning to make his slow circles on Stefano’s abdomen again.  “We can go to the bedroom and do this, or something else, or go to sleep- whatever you want.”

 

Stefano seems to consider this for a moment, but then sighs and nods.  He sits up and switches off the TV, then leads the way into the bedroom with Sebastian following behind him.  Sebastian is still a little wary, because it doesn’t seem like Stefano is really himself at the moment.  He is quieter and less expressive than usual, which is a red flag for Sebastian, but Stefano is taking the lead, at least for the moment, and Sebastian is willing to give him a certain amount of latitude, though he does have concerns that Stefano sometimes pushes himself too far.

 

Sebastian doesn’t think that it is the actual change in location that is bothering Stefano, because they’ve had some nice intimate moments in the bedroom before, but maybe the implications of moving from somewhere else to the bedroom are triggering some unpleasant memories for him.  Whatever the reason, Sebastian is treading very carefully when he enters the bedroom behind Stefano.  He doesn’t try to touch Stefano again, but just goes straight to the bed and lies down, rolling onto his back and resting his hands behind his head, fingers interlaced.

 

Stefano closes the door behind them, and when he turns to Sebastian, his brow is furrowed.  “Have I upset you?” he asks.  His voice is cold, but Sebastian can hear the vulnerability in the question, the fear of rejection.

 

“No,” Sebastian says gently.  “Not at all.  I was afraid I upset you.”  He reaches out a hand to Stefano, who moves closer and takes it before lying down on the bed next to Sebastian.  Stefano lies close beside Sebastian, the way they sleep sometimes, with his arm thrown over Sebastian and his face resting on Sebastian’s chest.  Sebastian wraps an arm around his back and leans down to kiss the top of his head.  “Can you tell me what’s going on?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Nothing in particular,” Stefano replies after a pause.  “I am simply frustrated.”

 

“With me?” Sebastian asks, because he does recall Joseph referring to him as an incredibly frustrating man at least once.

 

“No, with myself,” Stefano says.  “I want… so much more with you, but for some reason I can’t…”  His words are lost as he exhales in a frustrated huff.

 

Sebastian begins to rub his back.  “It’s alright.  We have time.  We have as much time as you need.”  Stefano is shaking his head.  “Yes,” Sebastian insists, “we do.  After everything we’ve been through together, do you really think I would ever rush you on anything like this?”

 

“I should be able to do this,” Stefano replies.  “I have been able to do this before, even the parts that are not especially enjoyable for me.”

 

This gives Sebastian an opportunity to ask a question that has been on his mind for some time, but that he didn’t want to bring up on his own.  “Why though?  Why would you do something that you don’t enjoy?”  He pauses.  “If you remember, I mean.”

 

It’s a pressing question for Sebastian, because Stefano, or at least the old Stefano he’s been getting glimpses of recently, doesn’t seem the type to be easily influenced or pushed around.  For as little as Stefano seems to remember his previous experiences, he doesn’t talk about them like they involved forcible rape or anything of that nature, so Sebastian wonders what could have caused Stefano to do things that were painful or unpleasant for him.

 

Stefano sighs deeply, then draws his breath in again before he answers.  “I suppose I enjoyed… the proximity, the affectionate moments…” He pauses.  “And there are also some aspects of it that were… pleasurable, I think.”

 

It takes Sebastian a moment to realize that what Stefano is talking about when he says ‘proximity’ is closeness, probably physical closeness to another human being, and he feels another pang of compassion for Stefano, because the thought of anyone feeling like they have trade sex for physical comfort and affection is terrible.  He rubs Stefano’s back soothingly as he speaks.

 

“You know that we can just have the closeness without the other stuff if you want.”

 

“I know,” Stefano replies quickly, tilting his head up to give Sebastian a small smile.  “You proved that point many times both here and in Union.”

 

Sebastian smiles as well, remembering all of the moments of physical contact and comfort they shared in the safe houses and later in hotel rooms.

 

“But I do want more with you,” Stefano continues.  “I am quite certain of that.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian replies, “but be patient with yourself.  You know I would never force you to do anything, so don’t force yourself either.  Just take it slow and do what feels right.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano says.  He lifts his head, and the smile on his face has a little more of his former confidence behind it.  He props himself up on his elbow and leans over to kiss Sebastian, and at first it’s soft and sweet and gentle, but soon Stefano’s lips are moving against his and Stefano’s tongue is working its way into his mouth, and, to his complete surprise, Stefano is sitting up and throwing a leg over his body to straddle his hips, letting his full weight rest on Sebastian’s lap.  Sebastian’s hands reflexively move to Stefano’s hips, while Stefano’s hands come to rest on Sebastian’s chest.

 

“Holy shit, Stefano,” Sebastian gasps, because Stefano’s ass is pressing down on him in a very stimulating way.  “Are you sure this is taking it slow?”

 

“You also said to do what feels right,” Stefano counters, raising an eyebrow.

 

“I did,” Sebastian answers, his breath hitching as Stefano shifts his weight a little.  He opens his mouth to warn Stefano not to overdo it, but closes it again abruptly when Stefano rolls his hips, rubbing firmly against Sebastian’s groin.  His erection, which had all but disappeared while he was talking to Stefano, is rapidly reviving, and it is making it difficult for him to think clearly.

 

Stefano does seem to be much more comfortable now, and Sebastian isn’t sure whether he just needed a reminder that they have plenty of time to spend getting to know each other or whether he feels more in-control when he is on top of Sebastian, but Sebastian certainly isn’t complaining.  He is lying back and enjoying himself and holding Stefano’s hips and raising his arms and sitting up a bit to allow Stefano to pull off his T-shirt.

 

Stefano’s hands are on his bare chest now, and Sebastian grunts as Stefano slides his palms up and down from his shoulders to his abdomen.  It’s such a simple touch, light and exciting, and it almost tickles, but Sebastian already feels like he is coming apart under Stefano’s hands, and he has no idea how he is supposed to hold it together if Stefano is going to touch him in more sensitive places.

 

Sebastian’s hands move back to Stefano’s hips as Stefano grinds down hard against him, and Sebastian fights not to exert too much pressure, not to do anything that might scare Stefano.  But Stefano is rolling his hips rhythmically now and making the softest, most beautiful moans on every stroke and his fingers are lightly teasing Sebastian’s nipples.  Stefano is touching him just enough to get him excited, to make his hips lift up slightly with each brush of Stefano’s fingers, but Sebastian craves firmer stimulation.

 

“You can be- ngh- a little rougher if you want,” Sebastian says through gritted teeth as he fights to keep still.  At first he isn’t sure that Stefano has even heard him, but then Stefano is taking Sebastian’s nipples between thumb and forefinger and pinching them hard enough that if Sebastian wasn’t so fucking turned on it would probably hurt a little.  As it is, it sends a white-hot jolt of pleasure and adrenaline straight to his cock, and he arches up off the bed, thrusting against Stefano’s ass and grabbing Stefano’s hips to pull him firmly down against his hardening cock.  “Fuck!” he groans, head thrown back against the pillow.

 

“You mean like that?” Stefano asks with a little smirk on his face.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian gasps, trying to get his breathing under control and restrain himself from crushing Stefano’s body to his and just rubbing against him furiously until he can get some kind of relief.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”.  His words end in a moan as Stefano grinds against him again, and his hips buck involuntarily.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano says, his body going still for a moment except for his hands which stroke up and down Sebastian’s chest.  “You can hold me like that.  I’ll tell you if it’s too much.”  He rolls his hips again, and Sebastian can only hold on and swear and press up into Stefano.

 

“Fuck,” he groans as he squeezes Stefano’s hips.  Stefano leans forward and plants his mouth on Sebastian’s, and this kiss is immediately frantic and Stefano’s tongue thrusts into his mouth and Sebastian reciprocates.  Stefano is rocking against Sebastian, and Sebastian is pulling Stefano down against his body, and Sebastian is fully hard now and lost in the sensations of Stefano grinding on his cock and Stefano’s fingers tugging at his nipples and Stefano’s tongue sliding so perfectly over his own.

 

Sebastian’s hands move up to grasp the bottom of Stefano’s shirt, lifting it up a little as he silently asks permission to remove it.  Stefano sits up for a moment and tears the shirt over his head, throwing it to the floor somewhere, before he leans down again, pressing his chest to Sebastian’s, and the feeling of skin on skin is incredible.  Sebastian is struck for a moment by how far they have come since Union, by how amazing it is to feel Stefano warm and alive and comfortable in his arms after such a nightmare.

 

Just for a moment, the warmth in his heart overtakes his aching cock, and he stops moving, relaxes under Stefano, and simply runs his hands up and down his back, relishing the feel of the soft, smooth skin under his fingers.

 

“Is something wrong?” Stefano asks, sitting up and looking into Sebastian’s face.

 

“No,” Sebastian replies.  “Just memories.”

 

Stefano nods and reaches out to stroke Sebastian’s cheek with his thumb.  “Clearly I am not sufficiently distracting you from your memories.”

 

Sebastian smiles.  “Don’t worry.  It’s no reflection on you.  You’re very distracting.”

 

Stefano is apparently determined to drive all other thoughts from Sebastian’s brain, which he accomplishes by trailing his hands down to the waistband of Sebastian’s pajama pants.  “May I remove these?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian says breathlessly, wondering why Stefano thinks he even needs to ask questions like that.  Sebastian is pretty sure that Stefano could do literally anything to him and he would enjoy it.

 

Stefano shifts off of Sebastian and tugs his pants off his hips, sliding them all the way down and off and casting them aside.  Sebastian closes his eyes to combat the dizzy rush of excitement that comes from being completely naked in front of Stefano.  When a few seconds pass without Stefano touching him, he opens his eyes, and sees that Stefano is staring at his cock, which lies heavy on his belly, flushed a deep pink.

 

Stefano settles on the bed beside Sebastian, leaning up against him, halfway on him actually, but facing Sebastian’s feet this time, so that he is almost blocking Sebastian’s view, which is maddening, because now Stefano’s hand is resting on his hip just a few inches from where Sebastian is aching to be touched, and the anticipation is constricting his chest, making his breaths come up short and his heart accelerate, and he is going to lose his mind if Stefano doesn’t touch him soon.

 

Stefano’s hand slides closer and closer until his fingertips are brushing Sebastian’s cock and sending a thrill of excitement up his spine.  Sebastian sucks in his breath sharply and fights to hold still and fists his hands in the sheets beside him.  Sebastian can’t see Stefano’s face, but he is either exploring or actively teasing Sebastian, because his fingers are moving so gently up and down Sebastian’s cock that Sebastian’s hips are jerking reflexively to try to increase the stimulation.  Finally, Stefano wraps his hand fully around Sebastian’s cock, and Sebastian breathes a sigh of relief.

 

“My god,” Stefano murmurs almost to himself.  “There’s no way…”  Stefano shivers, and Sebastian releases the sheets and places one hand at the small of his back, trying to decide the best way to reassure him on this point.  Sebastian is aware that he is a bit larger than average, but it hasn’t caused him any problems in the past as long as he is careful and his partner is relaxed and well-prepared.

 

Before he can get any words out though, Stefano’s hand begins to move, and Sebastian promptly forgets how to speak.  Stefano starts out a bit slowly, but the pressure, the way Stefano’s hand squeezes his cock as it slides up and down, is fucking perfect, and after just a few strokes, Sebastian can feel the warmth and the tension starting to build up between his legs.

 

Each movement of Stefano’s hand inspires a raw, primal burst of pleasure that makes him thrust his hips up, as much as he can when Stefano is sort of pinning him to the bed, and by the third or fourth one, his hands are clutching the sheets again and he is moaning Stefano’s name.  Somewhere in the back of his mind, he cautions himself to be quiet so that he doesn’t wake Lily up, but apparently his brain is no longer connected to his mouth, because the moans keep slipping out.

 

When something warm and wet touches the tip of his cock, he has to clap his hand over his mouth and bite down on it to keep from crying out.  He realizes that it must be Stefano’s tongue he’s feeling, and that seems like a big step for Stefano, so Sebastian places his hand at the small of Stefano’s back and says, “You don’t have to do that.”

 

Stefano doesn’t release Sebastian’s cock, but he does raises his head and turn his body to look over his shoulder at Sebastian.  “Would you rather I didn’t?”

 

“No, it’s fine,” Sebastian says.  “I’d really enjoy that, but are you sure it’s not too much?”

 

“You’ve been so good to me,” Stefano says, placing a kiss on Sebastian’s hip.  “Let me do something for you.”

 

“As long as you’re sure you’re okay,” Sebastian cautions.  Stefano responds by biting down lightly on Sebastian’s hip bone, and Sebastian gasps.  Before he can say anything else, Stefano’s warm breath is tickling his cock again, and all he can think about is Stefano’s slick tongue teasing his slit and Stefano’s hand squeezing his cock.

 

The next thing Sebastian feels is a deliciously tight, hot suction on the head of his cock, and even though he can’t see Stefano, he can imagine his lips wrapped around him, can feel Stefano’s tongue swirling against him.  Stefano has done this before- that much is clear- and Sebastian’s hips twitch as he fights to hold still, fights against the urge to thrust up and bury himself in Stefano’s mouth.

 

As the suction increases and Stefano’s tongue works furiously against him, Sebastian’s control is starting to slip, and he arches up off of the bed as he makes a noise that is almost a whine.  For a moment, he is sure that noise could not have come from him, until Stefano draws his tongue along his slit again, and another whine escapes Sebastian’s throat.

 

Stefano is taking even more of Sebastian into his mouth now, and his hand is sliding up and down to cover the rest of Sebastian’s cock while his other hand cradles Sebastian’s balls.  It is almost an overload of sensation, and Sebastian gasps out, “Fuck, Stefano.  That’s so good.”

 

Sebastian still has one hand clenched in the sheets, but the other is resting on Stefano’s back, and Sebastian rubs some small circles there until Stefano’s teeth graze his cock.  He yelps, grasping the sheets with both hands now, because apparently the rougher, slightly painful effect of Stefano’s teeth is driving him even closer to climax.

 

Stefano’s mouth and hands are working in perfect harmony, and Sebastian knows he must be moving his hips a little bit because it just feels too fucking good, but Stefano doesn’t seem to be complaining.  In fact, Stefano seems to be trying to take more of him into his mouth.

 

After a few more swirls of his tongue, Stefano takes his mouth away, much to Sebastian’s frustration, and looks over his shoulder at Sebastian again.  His lips are pink and little swollen, and Sebastian can’t resist sitting up to kiss him.

 

When Sebastian pulls back, Stefano is looking at him, a shy smile on his face.  “Will you tell me before you finish?  I’m not sure I can…”

 

Sebastian blinks dazedly a couple of times before he realizes what Stefano is talking about.  “Yes, of course,” he says quickly.  “I’ll tell you when I’m getting close.”  This also makes perfect sense to Sebastian, and it wouldn’t surprise him at all if it takes a long time for Stefano to be able to tolerate strange fluids in his mouth.

 

Stefano nods and goes back to work, and the first touch of his lips to Sebastian’s cock has Sebastian moaning and spreading his legs to give Stefano’s hand more space to fondle his balls and arching up into Stefano’s touch.  Stefano takes him deep into his mouth with more confidence this time, and Sebastian flops back onto the pillow with a groan, because Stefano has an amazing mouth.

 

Sebastian’s hands are back in the sheets as Stefano’s lips and tongue and hands pick up the rhythm right where they left off, and every once in a while Stefano’s teeth lightly graze a sensitive spot, and the pleasure is building slowly until Sebastian starts to feel that familiar tightening in his groin, and he knows he is right on the edge of losing control entirely.

 

He releases the sheets with one hand and taps Stefano on the shoulder, hoping that it’s enough of a signal, because he is genuinely afraid that if he opens his mouth he is going to make a noise loud enough to wake up Lily.  Being quiet in bed is not something that comes naturally for him.

 

Stefano seems to get the message, because he lets Sebastian’s cock slip from his mouth and sits up a little, but his hands don’t stop.  They are stroking and squeezing just perfectly, and Sebastian’s cock is slick from Stefano’s mouth, and within just a few strokes, Sebastian is tensing all of his muscles and biting down on his hand again to stifle a yell as a rush of warmth and pleasure washes over him and he comes across his stomach and chest.

 

Stefano continues to stroke his cock, just lightly, as Sebastian shudders through the aftershocks of his climax until Sebastian finally goes still.  Stefano releases his cock then, which is a good thing, because it is quickly becoming much too sensitive to touch, and Sebastian closes his eyes and simply tries to regain control of his breathing as Stefano lies down beside him, one hand still stroking his hip.

 

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The room has suddenly gone very cold, almost the way it would in Union before the ghost woman would appear, and Stefano is profoundly, alarmingly aware of how naked and exposed he is at the moment. He can’t hear any singing, but there is a familiar static in his ears, a buzz that acts like white noise and muffles everything else going on around him, so that he can’t hear what Sebastian is saying, even though Sebastian’s mouth is moving as he leans over him.
> 
> He tries to draw in breath to ask Sebastian what is happening, but his chest is tight. He tries again and again, but his chest simply won’t expand, and there is a cold, sick dread pooling in the pit of his stomach, because this is all too familiar.

 

 

Stefano lies down next to Sebastian, pillowing his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.  He can’t quite stop touching Sebastian yet, even though Sebastian’s eyes are closed and he is panting heavily and he may not even be aware of what Stefano is doing.  Having so much of Sebastian’s warm skin accessible to him is just too tempting, and he runs his hand from Sebastian’s hip to his shoulder and back again, careful to avoid the mess they’ve just made.

 

Sebastian sighs and catches Stefano’s hand in his.  He brings it to his mouth to kiss the back of it, then the palm.  “Damn, Stefano,” he says, slurring his words a little.  “That was fantastic.”

 

Stefano feels warm all over hearing this.   What they just did felt familiar to him, so he is sure he must have learned it at some point, but this time it felt more like he was acting on instinct.  He wanted to please Sebastian, and the rest came naturally, even if Sebastian’s cock was a bit intimidating at first.

 

Sebastian takes a few more deep breaths and reaches for the tissues beside the bed, grabbing a handful so that he can clean himself up.  Stefano resumes running his hands up and down Sebastian’s torso, because he simply doesn’t feel as though he’s touched enough of Sebastian yet.  Some of it is lust, to be sure.  He is still quite excited from when Sebastian was touching him earlier.  But there is also a different kind of appreciation, more of a detached, professional admiration of the lines of Sebastian’s body.

 

Stefano wonders idly what it would be like to try to sculpt Sebastian.  His muscle structure is beautiful, and even though he has some scars and blemishes on his skin, they seem to add depth and interest to his form rather than spoiling it.  He continues to explore with his hand, moving down to Sebastian’s thighs.

 

“What do you want to do now?” Sebastian murmurs, sitting up on his elbows to look at Stefano a little groggily.  “Do you want to fuck me?”

 

Sebastian’s coarse choice of words is both shocking and a little exciting, and Stefano considers for a moment what it might be like to fuck Sebastian.  To his recollection, he has always been on the receiving end, though he can imagine how it might feel to press himself into the slick, tight heat of someone else’s body.  His mind shifts quickly though to what Sebastian would be feeling, and despite Sebastian’s insistence that he enjoys this act, Stefano has doubts.

 

His hand rubs Sebastian’s thigh idly as he looks into Sebastian’s face, seeing the warm, contented, almost sleepy expression there, and what he feels is satisfaction that he has made Sebastian feel like this.  His feelings for Sebastian are rather complicated, but he does know that he only wants to please him, only wants to hear him pant and feel him shudder in the throes of good sensations, and he is not yet convinced that attempting to ‘fuck’ him, as Sebastian so crassly puts it, won’t ruin all of that.

 

In addition, the thought of hurting Sebastian, even if Sebastian wants him to do it, is not arousing to him at all, and he seriously doubts his ability to perform successfully under those conditions.  His erection has been neglected a bit while he has been paying Sebastian attention, and trying to imagine performing this act with Sebastian is doing nothing to bring it back.  Then Sebastian’s hand shifts to glide up and down the side of his bare chest, which is much more intriguing.

 

“No,” Stefano says, lying back down on his side next to Sebastian and wrapping one arm around his chest.  “I don’t think I could do that.”  He pauses.  “But, could you keep touching me?”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says with a smile, and his large hand comes to rest on Stefano’s waist, before sliding up to circle his chest and then move slowly down the front of his body.  Stefano sighs, and lets his eye flutter closed as Sebastian’s hand continues to stroke all over his chest and abdomen.  Sebastian stays above the waistband of Stefano’s pants, much to Stefano’s growing frustration, because he can feel the stirring of arousal between his legs again.  He needs to be touched there, needs Sebastian to give him some relief.

 

Sebastian seems determined to tease him though, because his hands very carefully avoid that area, and then he is shifting to lie on his side facing Stefano and leaning in to kiss him.  Stefano is a little surprised, because of where his own mouth was just a few minutes ago, but realizes that maybe he shouldn’t be, because Sebastian seems to enjoy kissing under almost any circumstances.

 

Despite his fragmented or wholly absent memories of previous lovers, Stefano is confident that Sebastian is a very different sort of person, and Sebastian’s obvious enthusiasm for simple, affection acts like a kiss or a comforting, intimate touch is still a little unusual for Stefano.  He does now understand that Sebastian truly enjoys these things, and he no longer fixates on why Sebastian is doing them or what he expects from Stefano in return, but it is still a pleasant surprise when Sebastian wants to kiss him or hold him at a time when he would normally be expecting something else.

 

Sebastian’s lips have been on his the whole time he has been thinking, and what finally draws him out of his own head is Sebastian’s teeth nipping gently at his lower lip.  It isn’t hard enough to hurt or leave a mark, but the firmer stimulation is exciting, and Stefano can’t hold back a small moan as his hips press forward into Sebastian and one of his legs comes up to wrap around Sebastian’s waist.

 

Sebastian groans as well, releasing Stefano’s lip and thrusting his tongue into his mouth as Stefano clings to his shoulders.  Sebastian’s hand travels down to hold the back of Stefano’s thigh, to pull Stefano harder against him, and Stefano moans again into Sebastian’s mouth as he finally gets some pressure on his cock where he needs it most.  He rolls his hips, rutting against Sebastian with abandon as Sebastian’s tongue massages his own.

 

Any self-consciousness he has felt on previous occasions of rubbing up against Sebastian is gone, banished by Sebastian’s hands urging him closer and Sebastian’s hard body between his legs, and the words Sebastian whispers to him when he does manage to tear his mouth away from Stefano’s.

 

“That’s it.  I’ve got you,” he murmurs.  “Fuck, Stefano, that’s so good.”  He sighs.  “Can I use my mouth again?”

 

Stefano doesn’t even fully process what Sebastian is asking, but the idea of Sebastian’s mouth doing anything sends a rush of excitement to his head, and he nods and gasps out, “Please.”

 

Sebastian’s mouth is warm and wet on his throat, and Sebastian’s tongue traces across his heated skin before Sebastian’s teeth make contact, nibbling lightly before backing off so that Sebastian can press a kiss further down on his neck and then do the whole thing over again.  Sebastian’s lips and tongue are so warm and wet and gentle and Sebastian’s teeth have that hint of roughness that Stefano both craves and fears a little, but all he feels at the moment is excitement.

 

The disparate sensations are at once thrilling and incredibly frustrating, and Stefano whines and squirms and presses his cock, now fully hard, against Sebastian seeking something more substantial.  Just then, he feels Sebastian’s teeth at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, and this time there is more pressure and with it a sharp, electric jolt of pleasure that goes straight to his cock, and he cries out and arches against Sebastian, who holds him close and soothes the bitten place with gentle strokes of his tongue.  Sebastian presses a kiss to his shoulder as Stefano tries to catch his breath.

 

Sebastian’s hands shift to the waistband of his pajama pants, thumbs lightly stroking Stefano’s hips, and he draws back a little to give Stefano a questioning look.  Stefano nods because he needs more of Sebastian’s hands and mouth on his bare skin, and the soft, teasing touches Sebastian is giving him at the moment are only increasing the sense of urgency.

 

Sebastian smiles and leans in to kiss his mouth before he hooks his thumbs into the waistband of Stefano’s pants and starts to draw them down.  Stefano shifts over onto his back so that he can lift his hips and allow Sebastian to remove his pants completely, but as soon as Sebastian tosses his pants aside and turns back to Stefano, Stefano can tell that something is wrong.

 

The room has suddenly gone very cold, almost the way it would in Union before the ghost woman would appear, and Stefano is profoundly, alarmingly aware of how naked and exposed he is at the moment.  He can’t hear any singing, but there is a familiar static in his ears, a buzz that acts like white noise and muffles everything else going on around him, so that he can’t hear what Sebastian is saying, even though Sebastian’s mouth is moving as he leans over him.

 

He tries to draw in breath to ask Sebastian what is happening, but his chest is tight.  He tries again and again, but his chest simply won’t expand, and there is a cold, sick dread pooling in the pit of his stomach, because this is all too familiar.  The room around him, which had been illuminated by the bedside lamp, is going darker and darker, until most of it is deep, thick darkness, broken only by a faint, flickering light.

 

He looks to Sebastian again, but it isn’t Sebastian who is leaning over him anymore.  It is one of Theodore’s men, the thick hood obscuring his face as the sound of the static obscures anything he might be saying, and even though Stefano tries to tell himself that he is safe in their hotel room with Sebastian, his eye and his ears are telling him something very different.

 

He tries to move, to struggle, to get up and run, but his arms and legs refuse to work, and he might as well be bound again.  He closes his eye to block out the vision, but when he does that he can feel their rough hands on his body, holding him down, forcing his legs apart.  His eye flies open again, his adrenaline surges, and all of his muscles go rigid as he tries to scream or to fight them off, but he still can’t even draw a breath.  The noise of the static is getting louder and louder and the room around him is dimming, and he feels as though he is being choked, like this must be what it is like to die from lack of oxygen.

 

“Stefano.”  Somewhere in the swirling mass of sights and sounds and feelings, Stefano hears his name.  The voice speaking it is calm and gentle, and Stefano wonders what such a nice voice is doing in such a terrible place.

 

“You’re safe now.  I’m right here,” the voice continues, starting to sound almost fierce in its determination, “and I am never going to let anyone hurt you again.”

 

Stefano tries to draw in his breath, gasping.  This time, his chest doesn’t feel quite so tight, and he is actually able to get some air.  He lets his breath out in a huff and draws in another quick, shaky breath, before the voice is in his ear again.

 

“Easy,” it cautions.  “Nice deep breaths.  Take it slow.”  The cadence of the voice itself is soothing, and Stefano finds that it isn’t too hard to match his breathing to that rhythm.  He can feel the tension leaving his chest as his breaths become slower and deeper.  The rushing noise of the static is dying away as well, and when he blinks and opens his eye again, he is in the hotel room with the bedside lamp on.  Stefano is lying on his side, facing the door, where Lily is standing, looking confused and sleepy.

 

“Mr. Valentini?” she says.

 

“It’s alright, Lily.”  Sebastian’s voice comes from behind him.  “Mr. Valentini just had a nightmare.  Why don’t you go and get him a glass of water?”

 

Lily nods and disappears from the doorway.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian shifts behind him, and Stefano takes note of the fact that he is wrapped up in a cocoon of sheets and blankets and that Sebastian is lying very close behind him with his hand resting on Stefano’s shoulder, almost the way they were on the couch earlier in the evening.

 

Stefano still doesn’t quite trust his voice, so he turns his head slightly to look over his shoulder at Sebastian.  Sebastian’s panic-stricken expression is completely at odds with the calm tone of his voice.

 

“Hold on a minute,” Sebastian says, and he is away from Stefano and off of the bed for a few seconds before the bed dips again and he is back behind Stefano.  “Had to find my pants,” he explains.

 

Lily returns with a glass of water in her hand and sets it on the bedside table.

 

“Now say goodnight and go back to bed, sweetie,” Sebastian says, his voice still calm and collected.  “We’ll be fine.”

 

Lily nods sleepily.  “Goodnight Dad.  Goodnight Mr. Valentini,” she says before she turns and heads for the door.

 

“Goodnight Lily,” Sebastian calls after her.  Stefano doesn’t think he can speak at the moment, so he doesn’t even try to answer.

 

Lily closes the door behind her, and moments later, Stefano hears the door to her room close as well.

 

Sebastian lets his breath out all in a rush.  “Holy shit, Stefano,” he says.  “I am so sorry.  What-”

 

Stefano shakes his head, and Sebastian abruptly stops speaking, which is a good thing, because Stefano can’t talk about this right now.  Not when his good eye is starting to burn and he can feel the tears leaking down onto his cheek.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian murmurs, and his voice is soft and gentle again.  “You don’t have to say anything, but is it okay if I hold you?”

 

Stefano nods, because he is never going to say no to being held by Sebastian.  And Sebastian does not disappoint, his presses his chest to Stefano’s back and wraps an arm around him and rests his face against the back of Stefano’s neck, and it is so warm and comfortable and safe to be wrapped in blankets and wrapped in Sebastian.  For some reason, even that thought makes his chest and throat feel tight again and the tears won’t stop coming.

 

Stefano isn’t used to crying in front of other people, and in fact, he rarely cries at all, but Sebastian’s tenderness touches some part of him that hasn’t been touched in a long time, or maybe ever.  The way Sebastian is holding and comforting him even though he is sure he just made a complete fool of himself and interrupted what could have been a very enjoyable night is almost too much for him to bear.  Surely he doesn’t deserve this.  He has done some truly terrible things in his life, and there is no conceivable way that he deserves to be cared for the way Sebastian cares for him.

 

“My god, Stefano, I am so sorry,” Sebastian is saying.  “I didn’t know what to do.  You must have been terrified, and I didn’t know how to help you.”  Sebastian presses a gentle kiss to the back of his neck.

 

The tears are slowing down now, and Stefano swallows hard and reaches up to wipe his cheek with his hand.

 

“What-” Stefano begins, testing out his voice, which seems to be working again.  “What happened exactly?”

 

“You just… got very quiet at first,” Sebastian says.  “As soon as I took your pants off, you were just lying there, very still and quiet and staring straight ahead.”  He pauses.  “And then you started shaking, and you were sobbing, and…”  Sebastian rests his face against Stefano’s neck for a moment before he continues.  “And you just sounded so lost and so scared, and I was trying to talk to you, but it was like you couldn’t even hear me.  And then you screamed.”

 

Stefano frowns, because he wasn’t aware of actually screaming, but that would explain why Lily woke up.  “I’m sorry,” he says miserably, still rubbing at his face with his hand.

 

“Stop,” Sebastian says.  “Don’t ever apologize for something like that.”

 

“What were you doing when I was…?” Stefano asks, because those hands on his body felt so real that he has to know.  “Did you… did you touch me?”

 

“I put my hand on your shoulder when I was talking to you,” Sebastian says.  “That’s all.  Why?  What did you think I did?”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  “It doesn’t matter.  I’m sorry.”  Sebastian starts to protest again, but Stefano cuts him off.  “No, I am sorry,” he says as the frustration and the confusion and the anger from earlier finally boil over.  “I’m sorry that I can’t accept when you are trying to be kind to me, and I’m sorry that I have all of these issues that stop us from being closer to each other, and I’m sorry that I am never going to be able to give you what you need!”

 

The tears are sliding down Stefano’s face again as Sebastian’s arm tightens around him, and Sebastian lifts his head to speak directly into Stefano’s ear.

 

“First of all, stop telling me what you think I need.  That’s bullshit and you know it,” Sebastian says in a fierce whisper.  “Even after everything that happened in Union, I can’t imagine my life now without you and Lily in it.  I need you.  I need as much of you as you want to share and no more.”

 

He takes a deep breath before he continues.  “There is nothing wrong with you.  You are not damaged, and I will tell you that every single goddamn day until you believe me.”  Sebastian’s voice is rising now, and Stefano shivers, because he really does sound almost angry.

 

“And I’m sorry,” Sebastian says, his voice hard.  “I’m not angry at you.  I’m angry at the people who hurt you, and I’d kill them all over again if I had the chance.”

 

Sebastian takes a few more deep breaths and seems to collect himself before he presses a kiss to the back of Stefano’s neck.  “I’m sorry,” he says softly.  “I didn’t mean to get so worked up.  It’s just… I love you, and I wish you’d stop worrying about whether you can give me what I need, because you are exactly what I need.”

 

Stefano is utterly stunned into silence by Sebastian’s words, not just because they are so unexpected, but because they have triggered other memories.  He’s heard similar words before, and they set off alarm bells in his head.  _Lies, all lies._

 

The anger flares up inside him, and he twists out of Sebastian’s arms, pulling away.  “You’re lying,” he hisses.

 

“Stefano.”  Sebastian lets him move away, but his hand comes to rest on Stefano’s shoulder.  “I’ve lied to you exactly once since I’ve known you.  Everything else has been the truth.”

 

Even though Stefano doesn’t want to listen to Sebastian at the moment, he does remember the time Sebastian is referring to, and he remembers that even when Sebastian was acting angry with him in the dungeon, he could tell that something wasn’t right, could tell that Sebastian wasn’t himself.

 

 And then he remembers that Sebastian is a man of actions, not words, and when he reflects on Sebastian’s actions over the past few days, or even longer, it becomes very obvious that he isn’t lying now.  In fact, he should have known how Sebastian felt even before Sebastian said anything, because every time Sebastian lays hands on him or speaks to him it is with the utmost concern, and as many times as Stefano has looked for an ulterior motive, the only logical conclusion he can reach is that Sebastian actually cares about him.

 

“Look at me,” Sebastian urges, and Stefano rolls over to look at Sebastian, and that settles it, because Stefano finds it so easy to read Sebastian’s face and his body language, and he knows that Sebastian is sincere when he says, “I mean it.  I do love you.”

 

“I know that probably sounds crazy,” Sebastian adds.  “I know we haven’t known each other that long, but it happens sort of fast for me sometimes.  Maybe because I keep losing everyone who matters.”  He laughs bitterly.  “Fuck, maybe I’m the one who’s damaged.”

 

That laugh bothers Stefano even more than Sebastian’s words.  It is a broken, hollow sound, and it’s not at all like the Sebastian he knows, and it makes his chest feel a little tight again to hear it.  He scoots back toward Sebastian, taking his blanket cocoon with him as he closes the distance between them.  He manages to work one of his arms free and wrap it around Sebastian’s shoulders, as Sebastian’s hand settles on his back.

 

“It’s alright, Sebastian,” Stefano murmurs.  “You are safe with me.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says, sounding almost like he is going to laugh again, though this time due to surprise.

 

Stefano isn’t making a joke.  “I will be as careful with your heart as you are with my body.”  The words feel strange on his tongue, kind of syrupy and sentimental, but he means them.  He clearly does have Sebastian’s heart, and he knows the vulnerable parts of Sebastian, just as Sebastian knows the vulnerable parts of him.

 

While Sebastian’s feelings for him seem to be quite straightforward, Stefano’s feelings are a bit more complicated.  What started as a rather puzzling unpleasant feeling when he saw Sebastian injured has developed over time into something much more powerful.  Sebastian’s body is appealing to him, of course, but Stefano can’t deny that there is more than simply physical attraction there.  He desires Sebastian’s approval, he desires to be close to Sebastian, and he desires to see Sebastian content and satisfied and fulfilled.  More than that, he wants to be the cause of that satisfaction.

 

Stefano’s thoughts are interrupted when he feels Sebastian’s lips on his forehead, kissing him softly again and again.

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian whispers between kisses.  “Thank you.”

 

Stefano wonders briefly if he is supposed to repeat the words that Sebastian said to him a few minutes ago.  He has said them before, when he was supposed to, the same way he let those men fuck him when he was supposed to, but somehow with Sebastian it seems wrong to say something that he doesn’t feel.

 

He doesn’t think he loves Sebastian.  He doesn’t think he has ever loved anyone or that he is even capable of feeling that emotion, but he does feel something for Sebastian, a certain warmth and affection.  He holds Sebastian closer and presses his lips to his shoulder and tries to pour everything inside him into that kiss, until he feels something wet on his face and realizes that tears are leaking out of his good eye again.

 

He pulls back to look into Sebastian’s face, and Sebastian’s thumb brushes the tears away before Sebastian pulls him close again.

 

“Do you want to talk about what happened before,” Sebastian murmurs into his hair.

 

Stefano shivers, because in the heat of trying to sort out his emotions, he had almost forgotten about the dungeon.  “I don’t know what to say about that,” he replies slowly.  “I thought I was somewhere else for a moment.”  He is sure that he doesn’t have to explain where.  “It was quite vivid.  I saw and heard and felt…” His words fail him, perhaps because words alone cannot describe what he just experienced, and he sighs in frustration.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Sebastian says, rubbing his back in a way that is becoming quite familiar.  “That sounds awful.”  He pauses.  “Do you know why it happened?  Did I do something to-”

 

“No,” Stefano says quickly, because he knows how readily Sebastian will blame himself for this, when it is something neither of them could have predicted.  “I suddenly felt very… exposed?”  Vulnerable is the word he is actually thinking, but for some reason he can’t bring himself to say it.

 

Sebastian is still rubbing his back.  “Okay,” he says thoughtfully.  “So, it felt different than when we were in the shower together last night?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, “very different.”  In the shower, he felt nervous, but eager to explore a new frontier with Sebastian.  The anticipation there was of something new but exciting and fundamentally safe.  Just a few moments ago, he was only anticipating pain and fear, the same way he did when he was lying in the dungeon, waiting for his tormentors to return.  “I think perhaps setting or position may be a factor as well,” he says.  “I just felt like it was going to start all over again.”

 

Sebastian rubs his back some more and leans down to kiss the top of his head.  “Nothing like that is ever going to happen again,” he says.  Stefano knows he is right, but that doesn’t make it any less real when he is actually seeing it.

 

“Sorry we couldn’t do more,” Stefano says with a yawn.  He is beginning to feel very sleepy and snuggles closer to Sebastian’s chest.

 

“No worries,” Sebastian says.  “We have all the time we need.”  He shifts onto his back, pulling Stefano partly onto his chest and wrapping both arms around him.  “Let’s get some sleep.”

 

Stefano is afraid at first that when he closes his eye he will find himself back in the dungeon, but he quickly discovers that being surrounded by warmth and the smell of Sebastian and feeling the steady rise and fall of Sebastian’s chest inspires only pleasant thoughts, and he falls asleep thinking of Sebastian and nothing else.

 

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is washing the dishes when he feels Stefano’s arms encircle his waist and Stefano’s mouth pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. At first he is surprised that Stefano is being so openly affectionate, because he usually doesn’t initiate this sort of thing unless he is half-asleep, but then he realizes that Stefano has had at least two glasses of wine, and it’s possible that half-asleep Stefano and tipsy Stefano share the same inclination to put their hands all over him.

 

 

By the evening of their sixth day on the road, everyone is getting a little tired and grumpy and the discussion about where to stop for dinner turns downright hostile.  Lily eats in four main food groups, which are pancakes, pizza, milkshakes, and chicken nuggets, and Stefano seems to have reached the point where if they take him to one more diner or family restaurant or fast food place, he is going to snap, and Sebastian wants to put that off as long as possible.

 

Sebastian reads aloud the food options at the next exit to very vocal objections from both of his passengers, and his next, only half-joking, suggestion is that he pull over on the side of the highway so that they can forage for their dinner in the surrounding woods, when Stefano chimes in.

 

“Why don’t we just stop for ingredients and cook something in the hotel?” he asks.  “We are going somewhere with a kitchen, yes?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.  “That’s a great idea.  I haven’t cooked anything in years.”  He glances in the rearview mirror to see Lily quickly adjusting her expression from abject horror to something more neutral.

 

“Oh, Dad,” she says, with a smile that looks like it requires considerable effort.  “You don’t have to do that.  I’m sure you’re tired from driving all day.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says, a little offended.  “Do you not like my cooking?  You never complained before.”

 

“I was five,” Lily answers.  “I didn’t know any better.  You told me spaghetti was supposed to crunchy.”

 

“One time,” Sebastian shoots back.  “And who can wait eight minutes for spaghetti anyway?  That’s called al dente.”  Out of the corner of his eye, Sebastian sees Stefano raise a hand to his face, though he can’t tell whether he is stifling a laugh or making a gesture of despair.

 

“That’s called undercooked,” says Lily, and she is making no attempt to stifle her giggles.

 

“Come on,” Sebastian says, because even if Lily is making fun of him a little, the atmosphere in the car is much more pleasant than it’s been in an hour or two, and he doesn’t want to lose that feeling.  “Have I ever served you anything that wasn’t edible?”

 

“Yes,” Lily answers decisively at the same time as Stefano weighs in.

 

“Just because it is edible does not make it food,” he says, and Sebastian is willing to bet that he is wearing that smirk that they are seeing more and more of these days.

 

“Okay food critics,” Sebastian says with a note of challenge in his voice.  “Maybe you’d like to give it a try.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano replies.  “Find a decent grocery store, and Lily and I will take care of everything.”

 

“Fine,” Sebastian says, “but my expectations are going to be pretty high.”

 

“You won’t be disappointed,” Stefano says, patting Sebastian’s knee.  Stefano seems to be finding reasons to touch Sebastian now, mostly simple, casual physical contact throughout the day, but all of it is thrilling to Sebastian, because it’s Stefano.

 

After getting over the initial embarrassment of pouring his heart out to Stefano the night before, Sebastian is glad that he did it.  Stefano has some weird ideas about how relationships work, and Sebastian knows that he himself is not always the best at explaining his intentions, even if those intentions are about as straightforward as they can possibly be.

 

He hadn’t planned on blurting out his feelings for Stefano, but Stefano is one of the most stubborn people he has ever met, both in his distrust of Sebastian’s affections and his insistence that he is denying Sebastian something that Sebastian deserves, and if Stefano needs to hear exactly how Sebastian feels about him in black and white, then so be it.  Now he can only hope that one day Stefano will believe him.

 

As they exit the highway at the next opportunity, Stefano asks, “So what kind of things does your dad cook, Lily?”

 

“He puts cinnamon on everything,” Lily answers, then with a dramatic roll of her eyes, “everything.”

 

“Hey,” Sebastian protests.  “Cinnamon is fancy.  It’s not my fault your palate isn’t sophisticated enough to appreciate-”.  The rest of his words are drowned out by a loud groan from Lily and laughter from Stefano.

 

Within a few minutes, they’ve reached a grocery store, and Sebastian trails behind Lily and Stefano as they walk across the parking lot, brainstorming their plans for dinner.  Sebastian stays several feet back, far enough to be able to effectively scan for danger but close enough to react if a threat does present itself.  This is part of what is so exhausting about being out with Lily and Stefano- the constant vigilance, never resting, never letting his attention slip even for a moment.

 

Sebastian has started to become a bit more relaxed when they are driving in the car, because they are somewhat protected by their vehicle and also a moving target, but when they leave the car and venture out, he is still extremely wary.  He has had no communication from Kidman, which isn’t surprising since no one has his new cell phone number but Stefano and Lily, and he is operating under the assumption that there may still be active Mobius agents somewhere, and that those agents may be taking action to locate and recapture Lily.

 

He continues to scan the environment, but the store is populated by just a few shoppers, none of whom could pass for Mobius agents.  Lily and Stefano go first to the produce section and start debating the merits of various vegetables, which makes Sebastian smile, because he can’t remember the last time Lily ate a vegetable when she wasn’t under duress.  Sebastian also takes note of a middle-aged woman who is poised over the display of bananas.  She is shooting furtive glances at them, but Sebastian can’t be sure whether it’s because of the rather strange family they make or something more sinister.  Then he realizes that he is already thinking of Stefano as part of his new family, and he smiles again.

 

Stefano and Lily finally manage to make some selections and move on to the meat and seafood counter, which also gets interesting, because Lily is strongly opposed to eating anything that still has eyes on it and flatly rejects Stefano’s attempts to explain that all of these things had eyes at some point.  At least this section is devoid of suspicious looking individuals, as it is almost empty.  Eventually, Lily and Stefano settle on chicken, which Sebastian feels is a relatively safe choice.  While he admires Stefano’s willingness to attempt to cook actual food in a hotel kitchen, there are limits to what even Stefano can do.

 

Then they’re off to the pasta aisle, where Stefano begins instructing Lily on how to correctly pronounce the names of various items.  Sebastian considers giving him a hard time for being so predictable, but quickly focuses in on a young man in a tactical shirt and pants who is walking down the aisle toward them.  Sebastian casually shifts over to position himself between this stranger and Stefano and Lily, and the man grabs a box from the shelf and continues on to the end of the aisle and around the corner.  Sebastian stares after him for a few seconds, but he doesn’t return.

 

Before they head for the checkout, Stefano selects two bottles of wine.  One must be for cooking, Sebastian assumes, and the other one they’re probably going to need to have a conversation about, because Sebastian hasn’t had a drink since before Union, the night Kidman found him passed out in a bar.

 

This actually comes as a bit of a shock to Sebastian, because before Union, drinking was an everyday activity for him, and realizing that he has suddenly and unexpectedly quit brings up a strange jumble of emotions.  First is the longing, not to get blackout drunk, but for something to take the edge off.  He was in so much pain for years, looking for Myra and Lily, and he’s on edge now, trying to protect Lily and Stefano, and it would be really nice to just have something to dull that intensity a little bit.  He can’t be laser-focused all the time, after all.  It’s exhausting, and having a drink definitely helps him relax.

 

He realizes he’s trying to convince himself, because these are the same words he once used to try to convince Joseph.  Clearly it didn’t work, because Joseph ended up reporting him to Internal Affairs.  He can almost hear Joseph’s words now, words like “untreated grief” and “refusal to face reality” and “self-destructive behavior”.  And that is what gives Sebastian pause, because even if he doesn’t give a shit what his drinking does to himself, he knows that he hurt Joseph before with his drinking habit.  And it’s not too much of a stretch to imagine that he could hurt Lily and Stefano now if he’s not careful.  So all in all, it’s not a hard decision to make, though it may be a hard one to stick to.

 

Sebastian also can’t explain how he got through the last six days without a drink, except perhaps because his life has changed so dramatically that there was no place for the drinking.  Maybe he didn’t miss it because the void it used to fill is now occupied by other things.  The last few days for him have been completely focused on protecting Stefano and Lily and trying to help them heal from their experiences in STEM, and there simply hasn’t been time for anything else.  Or perhaps some of his activities with Stefano have provided a different form of stress relief.

 

Regardless of the reason that he’s been sober for six days, the craving for a drink is very real, which is why Sebastian is pretty sure that he shouldn’t have another drink until he can get himself sorted out.

 

By the time Sebastian has thought through all of this, they are back in the car.  This is probably not a discussion that should take place in front of Lily, so Sebastian heads for the next major city so that they can find a hotel for the night.

 

Once they’ve located a suitable place and brought all of their belongings and ingredients in from the car, Stefano and Lily get to work in the kitchen.

 

“Need any help?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” says Lily, a little too quickly.

 

“Why don’t you take a nap?” suggests Stefano.  “You look exhausted.”

 

Now that Stefano mentions it, Sebastian is exhausted, and the couch is starting to look pretty inviting.  Sebastian double-checks the locks on the door before struggling out of his boots, collapsing onto the couch, and closing his eyes.  He dozes, not fully asleep, but not fully awake either.  He can hear Lily and Stefano talking to each other and the bubbling and sizzling of things on the stove, and there are some very tempting smells coming from the kitchen area, but for the most part, Sebastian is blissfully unaware until suddenly Lily is shaking his shoulder and telling him it’s time for dinner.

 

Sebastian stretches and opens his eyes, and it is only the gnawing hunger in his belly that gets him off the couch at all, because another nap sounds almost as good as dinner.  He gets to his feet, still feeling a little groggy, and makes his way to the table, where Stefano has already poured wine, causing Sebastian to wonder whether it’s standard for a hotel kitchen to have wine glasses, and is serving some sort of chicken and pasta dish that Sebastian would probably know the name of if he had been paying more attention to Lily and Stefano’s dinner plans and less to guarding against potential threats.

 

“I…uh…don’t…I can’t,” Sebastian fumbles with words for a moment, as he gestures toward his wine glass.  He’s still a little dazed from his nap, but that’s not the only reason this is difficult.  Sebastian isn’t really sure how to explain his situation, and Lily is still within earshot in the kitchen.

 

“Nonsense,” Stefano replies smoothly.  “It complements the meal perfectly.”

 

“No, I mean, I really shouldn’t…” Sebastian shakes his head.  “Can we talk about this later?”  He pauses, looking at Stefano, and Stefano, who has been focused on serving food, finally glances up and locks eyes with him.  Sebastian’s face must convey at least the idea that this is an important issue, because Stefano nods once and goes off to find Sebastian a different beverage.

 

Dinner is excellent, and Sebastian makes sure to complement both Stefano and Lily on their cooking skills, though he suspects that Stefano was largely responsible.  Between the cooking and eating, it’s already getting relatively late when they finish, and Lily goes off to take her bath while Sebastian and Stefano clean up the kitchen.

 

Sebastian is washing the dishes when he feels Stefano’s arms encircle his waist and Stefano’s mouth pressing a kiss to the side of his neck.  At first he is surprised that Stefano is being so openly affectionate, because he usually doesn’t initiate this sort of thing unless he is half-asleep, but then he realizes that Stefano has had at least two glasses of wine, and it’s possible that half-asleep Stefano and tipsy Stefano share the same inclination to put their hands all over him.

 

Even as he is thinking this, Stefano’s hands are sliding down the front of his jeans to grab him through the material, squeezing just roughly enough to catch Sebastian off-guard and cause his hips to thrust forward.  Sebastian is finding it very hard to concentrate on the dishes, and it gets even harder when those hands slip up under the hem of his T-shirt and one of them presses against his lower belly and dips into the waistband of his pants.  Long delicate fingers brush his cock and he moans, bending forward over the sink to rest his elbow on the counter and grasping himself through his jeans with the other hand, because he needs more, needs to feel Stefano’s hands hold and tug and squeeze him.

 

Stefano seems willing to oblige, because his hand dips even lower, palming Sebastian’s cock and balls and massaging them slowly in a circular motion.  Sebastian groans, and his hips jerk under Stefano’s hand, because it just feels so good to have Stefano touching him there and finally using enough pressure that he could get somewhere if this goes on for a few more minutes.  And then he remembers Lily and realizes that they may not have a few more minutes.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says through gritted teeth.  “We need to stop.  We can do this later, but Lily’s going to be out of the bath soon.”

 

“But I want you now,” Stefano purrs in his ear, and just the sound of his voice makes Sebastian’s hips jerk forward again.  He’s pretty sure that tipsy Stefano doesn’t know what he wants, but he is still very enticing.

 

Engaging all of his willpower, Sebastian takes Stefano by the wrist and gently guides his hand out of Sebastian’s pants.  Then he turns and takes Stefano in his arms, pressing him up against the counter behind him as he kisses him soundly.  Stefano tastes of wine along with the delicious flavors of their meal, and he pours a series of soft moans and whimpers into Sebastian’s mouth as Sebastian’s tongue explores his.  Sebastian’s hands roam his back and sides, relishing the opportunity to touch, until finally he pulls away, because if he doesn’t get himself under control he is going to do something that all of them will regret.

 

Sebastian looks into Stefano’s eye.  His pupil is dilated with lust and possibly alcohol, but he looks back at Sebastian with interest.  “You can have me,” Sebastian says breathlessly, “but not now.  Not when you’ve been drinking and Lily might walk in.”

 

Stefano frowns.  “I’m not drunk.”

 

“I know that,” Sebastian replies, because he hasn’t seen Stefano consume enough alcohol to actually be drunk.  “But if we’re going to do more than this, I need you to be here, really here.  I need to be able to read you, and I can’t do that when you’re like this.”

 

“I know what I want,” Stefano says, a petulant note creeping into his voice.

 

“I know you do,” Sebastian says, rubbing Stefano’s arms reassuringly.  “But let’s take it slow.  We’ve got plenty of time.”

 

He kisses Stefano one more time, soft and gentle, and he hopes that this doesn’t come off as a rejection, but if Stefano is impaired in any way, Sebastian is afraid he won’t be able to detect the subtle signs that Stefano is uncomfortable.  Even though tipsy Stefano seems very relaxed and eager to touch and be touched, there is no way to be sure that another panic episode like the one last night won’t sneak up on them.

 

Sebastian is sure that what happened last night is going to be burned into his brain forever, because it’s the most afraid he has seen Stefano look since the second time in Theodore’s dungeon, when Stefano realized that Sebastian really was going to hurt him.  That look of pure, unadulterated terror and the corresponding scream cut deep, both because every part of him is sick at the thought of Stefano being so afraid and because he has been the cause of that fear in the past.

 

Even after Stefano fell asleep on his chest, Sebastian lay awake for at least an hour, unable to close his eyes or turn off the light for fear that he would find himself back in the dungeon, unable to move for fear of disturbing Stefano.  It was physically painful for him to watch Stefano in the throes of whatever vision he was having, but after watching him for some time in a peaceful sleep, safe and comfortable in Sebastian’s arms, Sebastian was able to calm down himself and get some rest.

 

Now, Stefano looks up at him with a bit of a smirk on his face.  “Alright,” he concedes, “but you said I could have you.  I’m going to hold you to that.”

 

“I would expect nothing less,” Sebastian says warmly.  He kisses Stefano on the forehead and turns back to the sink.

 

Within a few minutes, Lily emerges from her room, and she and Stefano sit down on the couch to look at some sketches in her book.  Sebastian is frankly amazed that anyone can draw while in a moving vehicle, but based on Stefano’s commentary, Lily seems to have an aptitude for drawing, or maybe art in general.  Sebastian doesn’t think Stefano is the sort to spare anyone’s feelings, so he assumes that Stefano’s appreciation is genuine.

 

When Sebastian comes to sit on the couch beside him, Lily shows him some of her drawings as well, and they really are good.  Sebastian doesn’t know the first thing about drawing from a technical perspective, but he recognizes some of them as scenes or things that they’ve encountered on the road, and Lily has captured them in some pretty amazing detail.  While she’s eager to hear Sebastian’s praise, she actually seems more interested in Stefano’s suggestions for how she can improve her skills.  Sebastian thinks again that they need to figure out their game plan and get Lily enrolled in school, because she clearly wants to learn new things, and he isn’t sure how long she’ll be satisfied with just him and Stefano for company.

 

Once the art critique is over, they settle in to watch some TV before bed.  Stefano is in the middle of the couch this time, and Sebastian almost jumps out of his seat when, a few minutes into the program they’re watching, Stefano’s hand lands on his thigh.  Apparently tipsy Stefano is still around.

 

Sebastian shoots him a warning glance, because they are just feet from Lily, but Stefano puts on a very innocent expression and goes back to looking at the screen.  At least Stefano’s hand stays in place, just resting lightly mid-way up his thigh, but it’s still driving him to distraction, because all he can think about is Stefano’s hand sliding further up his leg, cupping him through his pants, and he has to stop having these thoughts while Lily is sitting on the other side of the couch.

 

Fortunately, Lily doesn’t seem to notice that anything is amiss, and after an hour or so, announces that she is ready for bed.  Sebastian tucks her in and says goodnight, and when he returns to the living room and takes a seat on the couch, Stefano is on him almost immediately.

 

Sebastian isn’t entirely sure how, but he finds himself on his back on the couch with Stefano lying full-length on top of him, and Stefano is all gasps and moans and wet, desperate kisses, and rough thrusts of his hips.  Sebastian can only grab his waist and hold on and do his best to kiss back, because Stefano is constantly in motion, squirming around on top of him, creating such a delicious friction between their bodies, and even though he is still worried about Lily walking in on them, Sebastian tries to let his mind go blank and just enjoy what Stefano is doing to him.

 

He is still a little wary of Stefano’s current state of intoxication, but as long as his own role is more passive, he figures that Stefano will simply stop if he is in some kind of distress.  But Stefano shows no signs of stopping, and Sebastian can feel Stefano’s erection pressing into his lower belly as Stefano rubs up against him.

 

Stefano’s hands slip underneath his shirt, caressing his chest as Stefano’s mouth moves to his neck, and Sebastian isn’t sure exactly what’s going on there except that it involves Stefano’s tongue and teeth and warm breath that makes him shiver and hold Stefano even closer.  Then Stefano’s mouth is very close to his ear, and Stefano’s voice has gone husky.

 

“Touch me, Sebastian.”

 

Sebastian turns his head to kiss Stefano’s jaw line.  “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”

 

Stefano sighs, “I’m not as impaired as you seem to think.  Would you care to administer field sobriety tests?”

 

Sebastian laughs out loud at that, both because it is such a ridiculous suggestion and because it’s been so long since he was a patrol officer that he doubts he’d even know where to start.

 

Stefano kisses his cheek, sits up, and steps gracefully off the couch.  He looks over his shoulder at Sebastian.  “Watch this.”

 

Stefano steps away from the couch and takes nine heel-to-toe steps toward the bedroom, and Sebastian bursts out laughing again when he realizes that Stefano is actually doing a pretty passable version of the walk and turn test.

 

“Dad!  I’m trying to sleep!” shouts Lily from her room, and Sebastian immediately stifles his laughter.

 

“Sorry, sweetie,” he calls back.  “We’ll be quieter.”

 

Stefano is giving him an I-told-you-so look as Sebastian rolls off the couch, still trying not to laugh, and heads for the bedroom, wrapping an arm around Stefano along the way so that he can pull Stefano along with him.  Sebastian closes the bedroom door behind them and turns to Stefano.

 

“As you can see, I’m fine,” Stefano says.

 

Sebastian still has his doubts, and they must show on his face, because Stefano continues, “You worry too much.”

 

“Last night really scared me,” Sebastian admits.

 

Stefano steps in close and embraces Sebastian, resting his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.  “You are so kind,” Stefano murmurs to him.  “That is why I know I am safe with you.”

 

“I really need you to talk to me,” Sebastian says.  “Let me know how you’re feeling.  Tell me if you want me to stop.  Can you do that?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano whispers.

 

“Okay, then,” Sebastian says.  Stefano certainly seems more composed than he was in the kitchen, and now he seems to be at most a little more relaxed than usual.  “What do you want?”

 

Stefano kisses his neck again, and then turns around so that his back is pressed to Sebastian’s front.  He catches Sebastian’s hands and places them on his chest.  Sebastian begins to run his hands up and down Stefano’s body as Stefano works the buttons of his own shirt, methodically laying it open so that Sebastian’s fingers can slip inside and stroke his bare skin.  As always, Stefano’s skin is soft and smooth and enticing, and when Stefano finally finishes unbuttoning his shirt, shrugs out of it, and drops it to the floor, Sebastian is more than happy to let his hands roam all over Stefano’s chest and abdomen.

 

Stefano is already breathing harder, and when Sebastian’s lips start to make their way down his neck to his shoulder, he sighs deeply and lets his head loll back onto Sebastian’s shoulder, granting Sebastian full access to his neck and throat.  Sebastian’s wet, sloppy kisses are starting to involve more and more teeth, and Stefano whines in response, arching back against Sebastian.

 

“Can you turn around?” Sebastian asks, because there is a lot more of Stefano that he wants to kiss and lick and bite.

 

Stefano turns in his arms to face him, and Sebastian’s hands come to rest on his waist.  Sebastian bows his head and brings his mouth to one of Stefano’s nipples, pausing briefly in case Stefano is going to stop him, but Stefano only runs his hands up Sebastian’s back encouragingly.  Sebastian starts with his tongue, flicking the small nub of flesh as Stefano’s grip on him tightens.  When he takes the nipple between his lips, sucking gently, he hears Stefano’s breath catch in his throat, and by the time he begins to suck harder and tease Stefano with his teeth, Stefano is actually shaking in his arms.

 

Sebastian pauses then to glance up at Stefano’s face.  His eye is closed and his lips are parted slightly, but his face is relaxed, and Sebastian has no doubt that he is enjoying the way this feels.  Reassured, Sebastian drops his head back down to Stefano’s chest and begins to work on the other nipple, a little less hesitantly now that he understands what Stefano seems to like.  Sebastian would be embarrassed by some of the wet, slurping sounds he is making if he wasn’t so caught up in Stefano’s reactions, the way his body shakes when Sebastian’s teeth scrape him just right, the way he moans when Sebastian draws a nipple fully into his mouth and sucks hard, the way he makes a high, breathless noise and his knees almost buckle when Sebastian uses his fingers to tug on the nipple that’s not currently in his mouth.

 

Sebastian lifts his head to kiss Stefano on the mouth, and when he pulls back Stefano’s eye is open and he is blinking dazedly at Sebastian.

 

“Doing okay?” Sebastian asks.  In his heart, he knows it’s a stupid question, because Stefano looks so relaxed and satisfied at the moment, but he has to ask.

 

“Very much so,” Stefano replies with a lazy smile.  “That was quite nice.”

 

Sebastian kisses him again, before his hands shift from Stefano’s hips to the waistband of his pants.  He is about to give Stefano a questioning look, when Stefano’s hands brush his out of the way and set about unfastening his pants and sliding them off his hips.

 

With Stefano standing before him in his briefs, Sebastian is suddenly a little self-conscious about still being fully clothed, and he quickly pulls his shirt off and tosses it to the ground.  Stefano laughs and moves to help Sebastian with his own pants and underwear, so that they both end up naked at about the same time.

 

Sebastian is pleased to see that Stefano’s cock is still standing at attention, and he pulls Stefano in for another kiss so that he can feel the full expanse of Stefano’s skin rubbing against his own, feel Stefano’s cock, so hard and yet so velvety soft pressing against his thigh.

 

“Do you think you could sit on the edge of the bed?” Sebastian asks.  “I’d like to use my mouth if that’s alright?”  Sebastian isn’t sure exactly what Stefano will be comfortable with here.  He is definitely more on edge when he is naked, and Sebastian doesn’t want to do anything that will make him feel more vulnerable, but Stefano seemed to be okay with Sebastian kneeling in front of him a few nights ago, and Sebastian can think of some very pleasant things he can do while in that position.

 

“Yes, I think so,” Stefano replies, and he steps over to the edge of the bed, takes a deep breath and sits down, keeping his legs close together.

 

Sebastian follows him and kneels down so that he is looking up at Stefano.  There is tension in Stefano’s face now, but Sebastian places a hand on his knee.  “It’s alright,” he says softly.  “You’re here with me, and you’re safe, and we can stop anytime you want to.”

 

Stefano smiles at that, though he still looks a bit tense.  He takes another deep breath and moves his legs apart a little bit so that Sebastian can ease forward to kneel in between them.  Sebastian turns to press a kiss to Stefano’s knee, but the first touch of his lips to Stefano’s skin makes Stefano jump.

 

“Should we take a break?” Sebastian asks, because Stefano is definitely not relaxed anymore and surely can’t experience pleasure when he is in this state.

 

“No,” Stefano says, furrowing his brow.  “Can you talk to me a little?   This may sound silly, but, help me remember that it’s you?”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says as his hands come to rest on Stefano’s knees.  “It’s just you and me here, and you know that I only want to make you feel good,” he begins, hoping that he is saying the right things, because he is sort of making it up as he goes along.  “Remember how it was before in the shower?  How nice and relaxed we were and how good it felt to be touched?  That’s all this is, just a chance to be close to each other and feel pleasure.”  Sebastian’s thumbs gently caress Stefano’s legs as he speaks.  “Nothing is going to happen unless you want it to.”

 

Stefano nods, though he is still taking deep, deliberate breaths, apparently trying to calm himself.  Sebastian moves his hands to Stefano’s waist, since that’s a place that has been more consistently safe to touch Stefano, and lets his thumbs rub little circles on Stefano’s skin.  He keeps his eyes focused on Stefano’s face, still afraid that he might lapse into some altered state of consciousness.

 

“Stefano,” he says gently.  “Are you still with me?”

 

Stefano nods though his eye is unfocused and his breathing is looking a little more labored.

 

“Touch me,” Sebastian says.  “Put your hands on me.”

 

Stefano hesitantly raises his hands and places them on Sebastian’s shoulders.

 

“Good,” Sebastian says warmly.  “You’re in control here.  I know you want me to touch you, and I will, but you don’t have to just lie back and let me have my way with you.”

 

Stefano’s hands give his shoulders a squeeze and Stefano’s expression softens a bit.

 

“Stay with me,” Sebastian continues.  “Tell me what you’re feeling.”

 

“Nervous,” Stefano says quietly, his eye refocusing on Sebastian.  “Embarrassed, frustrated, maybe a little excited.”

 

“And all of that’s fine,” Sebastian replies, squeezing Stefano’s waist gently, “but you’re doing great, and you’ve been so brave.  What do you want to do now?”

 

“Maybe what you were doing before?” Stefano suggests haltingly.

 

Sebastian smiles and leans up to kiss Stefano.  Stefano’s movements are not as confident this time.  His lips fumble with Sebastian’s before they establish a rhythm.  Sebastian keeps his hands low, because he doesn’t think that reaching for Stefano’s face is a good idea right now, but after a few seconds, he can feel Stefano relax under his hands and he deepens the kiss, letting his tongue slip into Stefano’s mouth.  Stefano draws it in eagerly, sucking lightly before his own tongue joins in, twisting and turning along with Sebastian’s.

 

Sebastian pulls back and checks Stefano’s face, noting that his slightly dazed expression is definitely due to lust this time, before he brings his mouth to Stefano’s neck, kissing and licking and nipping his way down to Stefano’s collarbone as Stefano gasps and whines and digs his fingers into Sebastian’s shoulders.

 

When Sebastian lowers himself down a little so that he can take Stefano’s nipple in his mouth again, Stefano utters a soft cry, and his hands come up to cradle Sebastian’s head.  Sebastian takes his time, sucking and gently scraping with his teeth as Stefano moans and leans into him.  Sebastian’s hands move to Stefano’s legs, running along the insides of his thighs, encouraging him to spread his legs a little wider, which he does almost unconsciously.

 

Sebastian bites down on a nipple, not too hard, but enough to make Stefano gasp and tighten his fingers in Sebastian’s hair.  Sebastian smiles because it feels like Stefano is finally starting to lose himself in his pleasure again, and Sebastian’s fingers tease Stefano’s inner thighs as his mouth works on Stefano’s nipples.

 

Sebastian sits back up, kissing Stefano’s cheek before whispering in his ear, “You’re so beautiful like this, and the noises you make…”  Sebastian traces Stefano’s earlobe with his tongue before taking it between his lips to suck gently, and he feels, rather than sees, Stefano’s face flush hot.  His hands move a little farther up Stefano’s thighs until his fingers brush Stefano’s cock, and Stefano jumps in surprise.

 

“It’s alright,” murmurs Sebastian.  “I’ve got you, and I’m going to take care of you.  Just tell me what feels good.”

 

Stefano’s cock is hard already from Sebastian’s attentions, and Sebastian encircles it with his hand, squeezing gently as his thumb brushes over the tip, still mostly covered by Stefano’s foreskin.  Stefano releases a puff of warm air against the side of his face, and Sebastian kisses his cheek again.  “There you go,” Sebastian murmurs.  “Just keep breathing.  You’re doing fine.”

 

Stefano nods slightly, his head still resting against Sebastian’s, and Sebastian’s hand squeezes a little more and starts to move up and down, carefully sliding his foreskin back and forth.  Sebastian hasn’t had a lover who was uncircumcised before, but he has heard that it makes some areas more sensitive, so he is monitoring Stefano’s reactions carefully, making sure that his attentions are causing pleasure and not discomfort.

 

Stefano’s shoulders are rising and falling with each breath, and when Sebastian squeezes his hand around his cock, he whines and his hips press forward, and Sebastian smiles to himself, because it feels wonderful to be pleasuring Stefano after watching him suffer so much.  Then Sebastian is lowering himself and leaning down so that his face is almost level with Stefano’s lap, and he can hear Stefano’s breathing pick up, can feel some of his tension coming back.

 

“Trust me,” Sebastian says calmly, looking up at him.  “You can do this.”

 

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian looks up at him, and his eyes are so warm and his voice is so soothing that he captivates Stefano, even just for a moment. “Trust me,” he says. “You can do this.”
> 
> Sebastian’s voice strokes his ears almost the same way Sebastian’s hands were stroking his body earlier. It’s a safe, comforting feeling, and Stefano finds himself thinking that yes, he does trust Sebastian, and if Sebastian thinks he can do this, then he probably can. Or at least, it’s worth a try.

 

 

Stefano can feel his heart beginning to race and his breath coming fast and shallow as Sebastian leans down toward his cock.  The comforting buzz from the wine has long since worn off, and now he is just himself- unsure and exposed before Sebastian.

 

Sebastian looks up at him, and his eyes are so warm and his voice is so soothing that he captivates Stefano, even just for a moment.  “Trust me,” he says.  “You can do this.”

 

Sebastian’s voice strokes his ears almost the same way Sebastian’s hands were stroking his body earlier.  It’s a safe, comforting feeling, and Stefano finds himself thinking that yes, he does trust Sebastian, and if Sebastian thinks he can do this, then he probably can.  Or at least, it’s worth a try.

 

Then, Sebastian’s fingers are gently rolling back his foreskin, and Stefano has to fight the urge to pull away, because he is very sensitive under there, and the last time someone touched that part of his body was all pain and fear and blood.  No, that’s wrong, he realizes almost immediately.  The last time someone touched him there was when he and Sebastian were in the shower the other night, and Sebastian’s fingers had stroked him so perfectly.  He remembers the warmth and the pleasure and the way he slumped against Sebastian as all of his fears and doubts poured out of him and over Sebastian’s hand.

 

Stefano focuses on that memory, tries to call to mind all of the details that he can, because if he starts thinking about anything else, he will be in serious danger of losing his erection, and he doesn’t think he can stand to be embarrassed any more in front of Sebastian.

 

“You still with me?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano realizes that Sebastian probably isn’t able to tell how he is feeling when he’s lost in thought.  Stefano takes a deep breath.

 

“Yes,” he replies, running his fingers through Sebastian’s hair.  “I’m alright.”

 

“Good,” Sebastian says, before he turns his head to place a soft, wet kiss on Stefano’s inner thigh.  Stefano trembles, because Sebastian’s mouth is just a few inches from his cock, and Stefano doesn’t know whether he needs to get out of here right now or whether he needs Sebastian to touch him more than he has ever needed anything.

 

As Sebastian’s mouth moves over that last few inches, Stefano’s nerves are on fire, and his adrenaline spikes, and he doesn’t know what he is feeling, but it is intense.  And then Sebastian’s tongue is on the exposed head of his cock, warm and wet and slick, and it feels incredible.  He doesn’t remember if anyone has ever done this for him before, doesn’t know if he’s ever realized that an area so sensitive to pain is also so sensitive to pleasure, doesn’t know what to think or what to do or how to ask for more.

 

His fingers tighten in Sebastian’s hair, and a choked whimper fights its way out of his throat.  His hips jerk forward, toward Sebastian’s mouth, and he is gasping out, “Please, Sebastian, please.  I need…”

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian says, glancing back up at him.  “I know what you need.”

 

Just when Stefano is about to complain about Sebastian’s mouth not being on his cock, Sebastian leans down again and wraps his mouth around the head.  He’s barely taking any of it in, just focusing on working over the sensitive areas with his lips and stroking with his tongue, and Stefano is already lost.  The feeling of being enveloped in such soft, wet heat is intoxicating, and the movements of Sebastian’s mouth are stimulating him in all the right places.  He can feel the pleasure building, feel his cock getting harder as Sebastian’s tongue swirls around him, causing his hips to twitch uncontrollably.

 

Sebastian is still holding his cock with one hand, but the other one slips down to his balls.  Stefano’s initial reaction is shock and fear, because his balls were so thoroughly traumatized by Theodore’s men, but this is Sebastian, and Sebastian won’t hurt him, and Sebastian is simply holding his balls carefully in his large warm hand, and maybe this isn’t such a bad place to be touched after all.  Stefano releases a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding in, and relaxes into Sebastian’s hands and his very talented mouth.

 

Sebastian is taking in more and more of his cock now, bobbing his head up and down, so that Stefano’s cock slides past his lips each time, rubbing all of the delicate places and making Stefano whimper and moan and sigh as his fingers comb through Sebastian’s hair at random.  Sebastian’s hand on his balls is more insistent now, lightly squeezing them and rolling them between his fingers, and Sebastian is taking him deeper now, hollowing out his cheeks to create a suction that has Stefano reflexively grabbing Sebastian’s hair again and trying to pull his mouth down farther onto his cock.

 

“Sorry!” he says immediately, releasing Sebastian’s hair.  “Sorry.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t even pause in his work, just moves one hand to Stefano’s hip to give it a reassuring squeeze and then continues to pleasure Stefano.

 

Stefano sighs deeply, letting his head tip back as he gives himself over to Sebastian.  Sebastian’s hand on his balls and Sebastian’s mouth on his cock feel fantastic, but his mind starts to conjure up fantasies of what else Sebastian could do to him, where else Sebastian could touch him.  Even though the thought of it still scares him, he is sure now that he wants Sebastian to touch every inch of his body.  He wants Sebastian inside him, even if it is going to hurt a little at first.  He wants it more than anything.

 

It’s just as he is imagining Sebastian’s beautiful, thick cock pressing into his body that his climax overtakes him, and he is moaning, doubling over, and clutching at Sebastian’s hair as he spends himself into Sebastian’s mouth.  Sebastian takes him in deep and swallows, and as he does his throat contracts around Stefano’s cock, squeezing it beautifully, and the waves of pleasure keep crashing over him.  He twitches and sobs and tries to ride it out as Sebastian’s hands, now on his hips, rub him soothingly.

 

Finally with a last rough exhale, he collapses back onto the bed.  He brings his hands up to cover his face to combat a sudden rush of embarrassment for coming in Sebastian’s mouth like that without warning him, but Sebastian doesn’t seem upset at all.  He lets Stefano’s cock slip from his mouth and kisses Stefano’s inner thigh again as his hands squeeze and rub Stefano’s hips.

 

“You’re alright,” Sebastian is saying softly from his place on the floor between Stefano’s legs.  “And you taste amazing.  Fuck, that was perfect.”

 

Stefano has no idea why Sebastian seems to derive so much enjoyment from an act that surely only pleased Stefano, but regardless, he needs to be close to Sebastian right now.  He extends his arm, reaching for Sebastian, and when Sebastian takes his hand, he pulls him to his feet and onto the bed next to him.

 

“Whoa,” Sebastian says.  “Take it easy.”

 

Stefano doesn’t want to take it easy.  He wants to feel Sebastian’s skin on his and he wants to kiss Sebastian, and right now everything just feels too good for him to worry about why this scenario might frighten him under different circumstances.  “I’m fine,” he says quietly.  “Get up here and hold me.”

 

Sebastian laughs and helps him scoot further up onto the bed before he lies down beside him.  Stefano immediately turns to bury his face in Sebastian’s chest and wrap his arms around him.  Sebastian’s arms encircle him as well, and for several minutes, they lie perfectly still, Stefano listening to the steady beat of Sebastian’s heart and breathing in his scent and feeling like he never wants to move from this position.

 

Then Sebastian’s hands begin to roam up and down Stefano’s back, and Sebastian presses a kiss to the top of his head.  Stefano still feels so safe and relaxed and warm all over, that he can’t be bothered to be self-conscious or even afraid to be lying here naked with Sebastian.  He stretches, arching his back and pressing his whole body into Sebastian’s.

 

“Thank you,” he purrs.  “That was lovely.”

 

“You were lovely,” Sebastian replies, leaning down to kiss Stefano on the mouth.  “I could do that to you all day.”

 

Stefano holds Sebastian’s gaze for a moment, then glances down, feeling suddenly shy.  “But I want you to do more than that to me.”  Stefano’s fingers follow his eye, gliding down Sebastian’s body to teasingly stroke his cock.

 

The effect on Sebastian is immediate.  He seizes Stefano’s hips, fingers digging in as he pulls Stefano hard against him, and the noise he makes is almost a growl.  Stefano’s heart leaps into his throat for a moment, though he is unsure whether it’s with fear or excitement.

 

“Fuck,” Sebastian groans.  Then he takes a few deep breaths, and his grip loosens.  He leans back a little, and his hand comes slowly up to Stefano’s chin, tilts his face up so that Stefano has to meet his eyes.  “And I will,” he says, voice husky.  “I promise, but not tonight.”

 

Stefano opens his mouth to protest, because he doesn’t want to wait.  Sebastian has made him feel so good, and he just wants more of Sebastian, wants to feel all of Sebastian.

 

“Trust me on this,” Sebastian cuts him off.  “Like you trusted me just a minute ago.  We’re going to do it, and it’s going to be amazing, but let’s take our time.”

 

Now that the post-orgasmic haze is starting to recede, Stefano thinks that waiting a little while might be a good idea.  He trusts Sebastian implicitly, but there are little tendrils of nerves starting to uncoil in his belly when he imagines what Sebastian might do to him.  They are as exciting as they are frightening, but maybe he just needs a little more time to get used to the idea.

 

Sebastian seemed to be ready to give in to his baser instincts when Stefano first suggested it though, and Stefano can’t pass up an opportunity to tease him a bit, so he says, “You didn’t look like you wanted to take your time just a minute ago.”  He adds a smirk to the end of his sentence, so that Sebastian doesn’t think that he has actually upset him.

 

Sebastian smiles.  “You’re right.  A moment ago my…I got a little carried away.”

 

“And you still seem to be…interested,” Stefano observes as his hand wraps around Sebastian’s cock, which is still hard and pressing into Stefano’s hip.

 

Sebastian gasps, and his hips jerk into Stefano’s hand.  “Yeah,” Sebastian says lazily, his eyes starting to close as Stefano begins to stroke him.

 

“It makes you hard to think about…”  Stefano takes a deep breath, because he wants to use a word that will get a reaction out of Sebastian.  “…fucking me?”

 

“Jesus, Stefano!”  Sebastian groans as his hand closes around Stefano’s wrist, stilling Stefano’s hand for the moment.  “What exactly are you trying to do?”

 

“I’m trying to tell you about my fantasy,” Stefano purrs, leaning in to speak directly into Sebastian’s ear.  “I can’t be held responsible for your body’s reaction to my words.”

 

“Oh, I think you can,” Sebastian replies, but the way his voice shakes belies his confident tone.  Stefano smiles, because up until now, he had not considered using his voice to pleasure Sebastian.  And Sebastian seems quite responsive.

 

“We’ll see about that,” Stefano says.  He’s about to go back to stroking Sebastian’s cock when he remembers that Sebastian likes to use lubricant, at least when he is touching himself.  “Do you have…?”  He can’t quite bring himself to complete the sentence, but he squeezes Sebastian’s cock for emphasis.

 

“In my bag,” Sebastian gasps out, “small outer pocket.”

 

Stefano reluctantly lets go of Sebastian and searches his bag until he finds the lube.  Pouring some into his hand, he crawls back into bed, positioning himself behind Sebastian, who is lying on his side, so that he can rest his face against the back of Sebastian’s neck and be close to his ear.

 

Sebastian shivers the first time Stefano exhales onto his neck, and he emits a low groan when Stefano’s slick hand wraps around his cock again.

 

“Now, where were we?” asks Stefano.

 

Sebastian mumbles something incoherent, but Stefano takes pity on him and keeps talking.

 

“I was thinking about what it would be like to have you inside me,” he begins, and Sebastian moans and his hips press into Stefano’s hand, which is slowly pumping his cock.

 

“To have that big, beautiful cock of yours pressing into my body…” Stefano murmurs.  Some small part of his mind can’t believe what he is saying, is telling him to shut up and stop embarrassing himself, but Sebastian is nodding his head and whining, and his body twists in Stefano’s arms.  Sebastian’s pleasure, Sebastian’s total immersion in the fantasy they’re creating drives all other thoughts out of Stefano’s head, and soon the words are pouring out of his mouth and into Sebastian’s ear.

 

“…stretching me open,” he continues.  “And I’d be so slick and ready for you.”

 

“Fuck,” moans Sebastian, his voice sounding strained and his breath coming hard and fast.  Stefano squeezes his cock tighter and speeds up his strokes.

 

“I’d feel so full,” Stefano whispers, “so tight around your cock, squeezing down on you on every thrust.”

 

Sebastian makes a wordless, garbled sound, his hips starting to piston into Stefano’s hand apparently of their own accord.  He must be close, and Stefano redoubles his efforts, determined to talk him through it.

 

“You’d take me hard and deep,” Stefano purrs, ignoring Sebastian’s whine as his hand moves even faster.  “You’d be buried so far inside me…fucking me…”

 

“Oh, god , Stefano, oh fuck,” Sebastian gasps breathlessly, and Stefano only has time to bite down on his neck and pump his cock one more time before Sebastian is going rigid and sucking in a deep breath and coming across the sheets.

 

Stefano loosens his grip but continues to let his hand move slowly up and down Sebastian’s cock until he has wrung the last few drops of fluid from it and Sebastian has gone limp, leaning back against him.  Sebastian is a sweaty, panting mess, but Stefano loves it, loves knowing that he did this to Sebastian, that Sebastian wants him this much.

 

He releases Sebastian’s cock, resting a slightly sticky hand on his hip, and turns his head slightly to kiss Sebastian on the neck, swiping his tongue apologetically across the place where a he bit Sebastian.  There is already a small bruise forming there, though he doubts Sebastian will complain.

 

“Holy shit, Stefano,” Sebastian gasps when he has managed to catch his breath.  “Just when I think I’ve seen everything you can do with your tongue…”

 

Stefano smiles against Sebastian’s neck and kisses him again, before Sebastian rolls over onto his back, and Stefano adjusts to lie beside him.

 

“And you saw how turned on I am by just thinking about…doing that with you,” Sebastian says as he turns to kiss Stefano’s forehead.  “I can’t wait for the real thing.”

 

“Neither can I,” Stefano says softly.  While this act initially seemed like a mysterious and frightening thing, the more they talk about it and the more time they spend touching and exploring each other, the more Stefano sees it as just another way to be intimate with Sebastian, another way they can be close and please each other, and the more he wants it.

 

“I should probably shower before bed,” Sebastian says, gesturing toward his lower body, which is still sticky with lube.  “Care to join me?”

 

As much as Stefano wants to just lie here and drift off to sleep in Sebastian’s arms, a hot shower does sound appealing, especially if Sebastian is going to be in it, so he drags himself to his feet and follows Sebastian into the bathroom.

 

Even though there is no way either one of them is getting hard again so soon, Stefano still can’t resist touching Sebastian, so there is lots of caressing and kissing and delicious, prolonged skin-to-skin contact as they are waiting for the shower to warm up.  Once they’ve stepped under the spray of warm water, there is even more kissing and touching, until they decide that they probably should get around to actually bathing at some point.

 

Stefano washes Sebastian slowly and methodically, admiring him all over again as he passes a soapy washcloth over the planes of his body.  Sebastian washes him next, and Stefano is so struck by how gently and reverently Sebastian handles his body that he finds himself almost at the point of tears. 

 

Sebastian looks up and sees this, and, moving slowly to avoid startling Stefano, takes Stefano’s face in his hands and kisses him on the forehead, before resting his own forehead against Stefano’s.  “You deserve this,” he murmurs.  “You deserve to be loved and protected and cared for.”

 

Stefano grabs Sebastian tightly around the shoulders and holds on.  He doesn’t actually cry, but his body does shake as he clings to Sebastian and tries to process what he is feeling.  He doesn’t form close emotional relationships with people.  He never has.  He has his walls, and Sebastian has been slowly chipping away at them since that moment in the dungeon.  Except that now it feels like Sebastian has obliterated them entirely, albeit in the most gentle and loving way possible.

 

It feels almost like it did when Sebastian first touched his bare, exposed cock- raw and dangerous and breathtakingly intimate, but this time Sebastian is touching some part of his mind or his heart where no one is supposed to touch him.  It’s new and strange and a little scary, but when Stefano takes a few deep breaths and relaxes and tries to adjust, he realizes that it doesn’t feel bad; it just makes him feel vulnerable again.  Sebastian is touching him in a sensitive place, a place where he could really hurt Stefano if he isn’t careful.  But Sebastian is careful and kind and considerate, and Stefano trusts him, and he is willing to give this a try.

 

Stefano draws back and leans in to kiss Sebastian on the lips, smiling at the way Sebastian’s beard lightly scratches his face.  He’s still not quite used to Sebastian’s facial hair, though he secretly enjoys the way it sets Sebastian apart from anyone else he’s been with.  He kisses him again and again until he stands back and looks him in the eye.

 

“Thank you,” Stefano says.  “You are an exceptional man.”

 

Sebastian smiles and looks down at the floor, and he is probably blushing, though they are both already flushed from the shower, so it is difficult to tell.

 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Sebastian replies finally, looking back up at Stefano, and they both burst out laughing.

 

They finish washing up and drying off, though both of these processes are frequently interrupted by hugs and kisses and affectionate touches.  Sebastian pulls on his pajamas and goes down to the front desk for a clean set of sheets, as they have basically ruined the ones on the bed.  Stefano marvels at Sebastian’s nerve, because he would be absolutely mortified to make that request himself.  Sebastian, though, seems to have no shame, and he returns and strips the bed, replacing the sheets in record time.

 

When Stefano raises an eyebrow at this, Sebastian simply says, “I lived alone for a long time.  I had to learn how to do this stuff.”

 

“Of course,” Stefano replies simply, because Sebastian’s bed-making prowess is neither here nor there, but every new fact that he learns about Sebastian, even how tunelessly he sings in the car or how his idea of fancy cooking is adding cinnamon to everything, is fascinating.

 

Sebastian starts to turn down the covers, then looks at Stefano.  “Is it going to bother you if I sleep in my boxers?  That’s how I normally sleep.”

 

Stefano isn’t sure whether he is more excited by the idea of having such unfettered access to Sebastian’s body all night or more touched by the fact that Sebastian has been sleeping in pajamas for a week solely to cater to his comfort level.  Either way, he is certainly not objecting to Sebastian’s proposed sleeping attire.

 

“Not at all,” he replies.  “I think I’ll stay like this though.”  He gestures to his own pajamas.

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says, undressing and digging in his bag for what Stefano hopes are a clean pair of boxers.  They have yet to attempt doing laundry on this trip.

 

Stefano climbs into bed, and Sebastian follows and pulls the covers over both of them.  Stefano turns on his side, reaches for the bedside lamp, and switches it off, and as he does so, Sebastian curls up behind him, molding his body to Stefano’s so that they are both lying on their sides with Stefano’s back against Sebastian’s chest.

 

Just like in Union, Sebastian’s natural body temperature is so warm that it has an immediate comforting effect on Stefano.  He snuggles back against Sebastian, sighing in contentment as Sebastian’s arm wraps around his waist and Sebastian softly kisses the back of his neck.

 

As perfect as it is to lie here enveloped in Sebastian, there is still a thought tickling the back of Stefano’s mind, something that Sebastian said earlier.

 

“Sebastian?” he says softly.

 

“Hmmmm?” Sebastian lazily kisses his neck again.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure, ask me anything,” mumbles Sebastian, though Stefano has his doubts that Sebastian is actually awake.

 

“Earlier this evening, when you didn’t want to have a glass of wine,” Stefano begins, then pauses as he tries to formulate his question.  “What was that about?”

 

He feels Sebastian stiffen behind him immediately, but Sebastian doesn’t speak, so he presses on.

 

“It sounded like it was more than simply your preference.”

 

Sebastian sighs and says, “Yeah, it is more than a preference I guess.”  He seems to be collecting his thoughts for a moment before he continues.  “I had a… sort of a problem… well, not really a problem with drinking.  I just…”  His hand leaves Stefano’s body to scrub at his own face.  “…when Lily was taken and Myra left I just hurt so fucking bad all the time, like there was a hole in my chest.  And I knew the pain was never going to go away, because they were never coming back.”  His hand returns to Stefano’s waist, fingers stroking absently.

 

“And I could see the rest of my life stretching out before me, and it was just… nothing, just wake up, hurt, work, hurt some more, sleep.  And drinking dulled the pain at least temporarily.”

 

Sebastian’s voice changes, and it sounds like he is on the defensive now.  “And I know it’s not healthy, and I knew that then, but I thought I was alone, thought I was going to be alone forever, and who could I hurt but myself?  And I was fine with that.  I was just trying to make it through one day at a time, and that’s what worked.”

 

There is a long pause.  Sebastian’s breathing is a little heavy, but he doesn’t speak again, so Stefano prompts, “And then what happened?”

 

“I found out I wasn’t alone,” Sebastian says simply.  “Joseph was there, had been there the whole time actually.  He was the only one who tried to take me to task for it, but he was just telling me what I already knew, that I was killing myself, that it wasn’t going to bring Lily and Myra back…”

 

Stefano covers Sebastian’s hand with his own and gives it a little squeeze while he waits for Sebastian to speak again.

 

“I have to give Joseph a lot of credit,” Sebastian says, some warmth creeping back into his voice.  “When I blew him off, he reported me to Internal Affairs.  I was so angry at first, and of course they didn’t take any action, because I never let my drinking affect my work.  I didn’t speak to Joseph for days though, which is hard when you spend 12 hour shifts together.”

 

“Yes,” Stefano agrees, interlacing his fingers with Sebastian’s.  “What changed your mind?”

 

“I figured out why he did it,” Sebastian replies.  “I realized he cared about me as a person, not just my job performance, and I realized I wasn’t just hurting myself- I was hurting him too.  And just like that, things starting falling back into place.  Things mattered again, and I got cleaned up for a while, and then… and then Joseph…”

 

Sebastian’s voice breaks, and Stefano quickly turns around to embrace him as he convulses in a sudden and powerful outpouring of grief.  He buries his face in Stefano’s shoulder, wraps his arms around Stefano’s waist and sobs, body shaking as he gasps out, “He’s gone, Stefano.  He’s gone, and Myra’s gone, and I can’t be alone again.”

 

“Shhhh,” Stefano soothes as he rubs Sebastian’s back.  Soothing is a relatively new skill for him, but Sebastian is giving him plenty of opportunities to practice.  “You’re not alone.  You have Lily, and you have me.”

 

“I know,” Sebastian sobs, almost choking on the words.  “Just… just don’t leave me, please.  I can’t be alone again.”

 

“You won’t be,” Stefano murmurs.  “I’m not going anywhere, and neither is Lily.”

 

Sebastian sniffs hard, tries to catch his breath through his last few sobs, and rests his face on Stefano’s neck.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano whispers.  “Just take some deep breaths.”

 

Sebastian does take some deep breaths and then clears his throat.  “I really hit rock bottom after Joseph disappeared.  There was no reason not to.  I was alone again, and the pain was back, and I could drink it away, so I did.”

 

“And now?” Stefano asks.

 

“I don’t know what happens now,” Sebastian says thoughtfully.  “I haven’t wanted a drink since before Union.  I guess everything changed so much all at once.  I mean, now all I think about is you and Lily and keeping you guys safe.”

 

“And you are doing that very well,” Stefano says, “but I think it’s time for you to relax a little.”

 

Sebastian sighs, “Maybe.  Still don’t think I should drink though.  I was sort of craving it earlier today, and after how much it hurt Joseph I just don’t even want to start down that road again.”

 

“I think that makes sense,” Stefano replies.  “And I apologize.  I will not drink in front of you again.”

 

“That’s okay,” Sebastian says, giving Stefano’s waist a squeeze.  “You’re kind of fun when you’re tipsy.”

 

“I would hardly call that tipsy,” Stefano replies, but he squeezes Sebastian back all the same.  Then, more seriously, he adds, “Are you going to be alright?”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says.  “Thanks.  Guess I needed that talk.”

 

Stefano pulls him closer.  “Anytime,” he murmurs.

 

Sebastian nuzzles into his neck, and he must have exhausted himself with his emotional outburst, because he is asleep almost immediately, head resting heavily against Stefano.  Stefano himself isn’t far behind.

 

 

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you, and you are beautiful,” he says, voice soft but serious, “and you don’t have to believe me right away, but I will keep telling you until you do.”
> 
> “Thank you,” Stefano whispers. “Although I can be a bit stubborn, as you may have noticed.”
> 
> “Don’t worry,” Sebastian says with a smile. “So can I.”

 

 

Sebastian is seated on the couch of their latest hotel room, absorbed in a road map- an actual paper road map that Lily and Stefano keep making fun of him for using- when the camera flash goes off.  Sebastian’s first thought is of Obscura, but of course it can’t possibly be her.  Still, he yells, “Damn it, Stefano!” just for good measure.

 

When his vision clears, he can see that it is actually Lily holding the camera, though Stefano is standing right behind her.  Lily is giggling and holding the camera up so that Stefano can see the picture she just took.

 

“Give me that,” Sebastian growls, half annoyed and half curious to see what Stefano and Lily have been up to.  While it is still extremely difficult to have them out of his sight for more than a few minutes, they’ve recently taken to wandering off together to find things to photograph when Sebastian is doing something that they deem boring.

 

Stefano himself still seems to have rather eccentric taste in subject matter, because Sebastian has caught him snapping pictures of at least two car accidents and one piece of roadkill since they bought the camera.  Sebastian can only hope that Stefano is using better judgment when Lily is with him.

 

To his relief, all of the images in the camera, or at least, the ones that he flips through, are of more mundane subject matter.  Lily plops down on the couch next to him and eagerly begins telling him which ones she took and why she took them, and she is starting to sound a lot like someone else Sebastian knows.  He looks over Lily’s head at Stefano, who is seated on the other side of the couch, and raises an eyebrow, but Stefano only shrugs and smirks back.

 

What catches Sebastian by surprise is the number of pictures of himself and Lily that are in the camera.  He is so used to thinking of Stefano setting up moody compositions in a studio that he has failed to consider that Stefano is skilled in candid photography as well.  He smiles to himself, wondering if maybe in a couple of years, they’ll look back on these pictures from this time and remember what it was like to be on the road.  They can’t be on the road forever.  Even he realizes that now.

 

They finally come back to the most recent picture of Sebastian.

 

“This one’s good,” Lily says thoughtfully, “but I wish there was more natural light.  Then we wouldn’t need the flash.”

 

Stefano makes a noise of agreement, and Sebastian adds, “I don’t think my eyes can take any more flash,” which makes Lily laugh again.

 

“Can we have dinner?” Lily asks.  “I’m starving.”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian answers.  “Tonight we’re going all out.  You can have anything you want from the vending machine.”  Then Lily groans, and Stefano throws a couch pillow at him, and they start looking up reviews of local restaurants.

 

Dinner is pleasantly uneventful, and they soon return to the hotel room for several games of Go Fish using the deck of cards they bought earlier in the day at a little gift shop along the highway.  Sebastian can’t quite remember the rules to the game, but decides that probably doesn’t matter.  He is well into making up his own rules when Lily calls him out on it, and they have to research how the game is actually played.

 

While Lily locates the rules on her phone, Sebastian eyes Stefano, who is barely suppressing a smile.  “How long were you going to let that go on?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano shrugs, “I liked your rules.”

 

Lily wins three games in a row without breaking a sweat, then says she is going to get ready for bed.

 

“I think I’ll take a bath,” Stefano says, as Lily retreats to her room.

 

“Need any help?” Sebastian asks hopefully.

 

Stefano smiles.  “I will certainly need your help afterwards.”  Sebastian nods, assuming that this means Stefano would prefer to take his bath in private, and goes to check the locks on the door.  He sits down on the couch and flips through the channels on the TV until Lily calls him into her room to say goodnight.

 

When Lily is tucked safely into bed, and Sebastian has kissed her forehead and wished her sweet dreams, he heads for the other bedroom and sprawls out on the bed.  He can hear Stefano draining the tub and drying off, and apparently he has been using some of the lavender bath salts they found in the gift shop, because the smell coming from under the bathroom door is a little flowery for Sebastian’s tastes.

 

Sebastian is seriously considering barging right in to get his hands on Stefano as soon as possible, but of course, Stefano may not appreciate Sebastian being quite so assertive, so he waits and adjusts the pillows and squirms around until he finds the perfect spot on the mattress.

 

When Stefano emerges from the bathroom with his hair slightly damp and a towel wrapped around his hips, Sebastian actually has to sit up and stare for a moment, because Stefano is absolutely breathtaking- his pale skin, the graceful sweep of his hair, the one blue eye that is looking at Sebastian with such intensity.

 

Stefano frowns.  “You’re staring.  What is the matter?”

 

“Absolutely nothing,” Sebastian breathes.  “You’re perfect.”

 

“Come now,” Stefano says with a smirk that is colder and less playful than usual.  “Even I know that’s not true.”

 

“Then you must not be seeing what I’m seeing,” Sebastian counters as he rises from the bed and closes the distance between them.  He brings a hand up slowly to the left side of Stefano’s face to cup his cheek.  Stefano doesn’t flinch away.  In fact, over the last few days he seems to be much more tolerant of Sebastian touching his face as long as Sebastian doesn’t startle him.

 

Sebastian gently traces Stefano’s cheekbone with his thumb, then leans in to kiss his forehead.  His lips are lingering there when he murmurs, “Besides, don’t they say that art is in the eye of the beholder?”

 

“Don’t you start making art jokes,” Stefano scolds him.  “You are in over your head.”

 

All the same, when Sebastian draws back a little, he can see that Stefano is blushing and the corners of his mouth are twitching, like he is fighting a smile.  Sebastian leans in to kiss him on the mouth, one hand still cradling his face while the other comes to rest at the small of his back.  Stefano arches into him, kissing back passionately and throwing his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders.  Stefano’s tongue teases its way into Sebastian’s mouth, and Sebastian sucks it lightly, draws it in, strokes it with his own tongue before pulling back and resting his forehead against Stefano’s.

 

“I love you, and you are beautiful,” he says, voice soft but serious, “and you don’t have to believe me right away, but I will keep telling you until you do.”

 

“Thank you,” Stefano whispers.  “Although I can be a bit stubborn, as you may have noticed.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian says with a smile.  “So can I.”

 

Stefano takes a half-step back, his arms still resting loosely on Sebastian’s shoulders.  “Did you have something in particular in mind for tonight?”

 

“Well, I do have some ideas,” says Sebastian, because he always has some ideas about things he’d like to do with Stefano, “but why don’t you tell me what you want?”

 

“Because we’re always doing what I want,” Stefano counters.  “And I appreciate that very much, but maybe you should show me what you like to do.”

 

“That would be literally anything,” Sebastian answers quickly.  “You may have noticed that I’m kind of easy when it comes to you.”

 

Stefano lets out a snort of laughter.  “You are certainly very…agreeable.”

 

“I can’t help it,” Sebastian says.  “You have that effect on me.”

 

Stefano smiles then, and it is enticing and dangerous in equal parts.  He leans in close to Sebastian’s ear.  “What do you want, Sebastian?” he purrs.

 

Sebastian is momentarily speechless, because Stefano’s proximity and the quality of his voice and the sudden realization that only a thin towel is preventing him from touching Stefano’s naked body cause his brain to short circuit and send a thrill of excitement running through his body.

 

As soon as he is able to formulate words, he blurts out, “I don’t know.  Just come lie down with me and we’ll see what happens.”

 

Stefano steps back, the shadow of a smile still visible on his face.  “Should I put something else on?”  He gestures to the towel around his hips.

 

“Not at all,” Sebastian says quickly but catches himself.  “I mean, not unless you want to.”  Even though Stefano has been naked around him a few times, his comfort level with nudity seems to vary depending on the situation.

 

“I’ll stay like this if you take some things off,” Stefano suggests.

 

There is nothing suave or seductive about the way Sebastian undresses himself, but he is naked in five seconds flat and Stefano has to clap a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says in mock-indignation, “I just said I was easy.  What did you expect?”

 

“Not that,” Stefano replies, but he takes Sebastian’s hand and leads him to the bed, where he pulls back the sheet and duvet.  Taking his cue from Stefano, Sebastian slips under the covers and lies down on his back, smiling up at Stefano, who drops his towel and climbs in beside him.

 

Stefano is lying full-length on top of him before Sebastian even knows what’s happening, and Sebastian’s nerves are working overtime with the sudden excitement of having so much of Stefano’s warm skin pressed up against his and Stefano’s weight pressing down on him in all the right places and Stefano’s hands tangling in his hair as Stefano’s mouth descends on his.  His hands find Stefano’s waist and pull Stefano down against him as his hips press up, and Stefano’s tongue is fucking his mouth and Stefano is shifting his weight to straddle Sebastian so that the pressure on his cock and balls is just perfect.

 

Stefano grinds against him, and even though they’re only just getting started, Sebastian is already growing hard.  He is torn between the strong instinct he feels to protect and comfort and heal Stefano and the more primal urge to fuck him senseless, to make him pant and moan and call out Sebastian’s name as Sebastian buries himself in his body.  The words that Stefano spoke to him last night, the perfectly crafted, sophisticatedly dirty words that Stefano poured into his ear while he jerked him off, are still echoing in his head, and he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about fucking Stefano.  Whether Stefano is ready or not is another matter entirely.

 

Sebastian lets his hands run up and down Stefano’s back as his tongue joins in the dance with Stefano’s.  When one hand slips around to the front of Stefano’s body and down between his legs to palm his growing erection, Stefano breaks the kiss to throw his head back and moans as his back arches and he presses into Sebastian’s hand.

 

Sebastian keeps rubbing, wrapping his fingers around Stefano’s cock as much as he can with his hand trapped between their bodies, while Stefano hovers over him, panting and grinding down against Sebastian’s hand.  Meanwhile, Sebastian’s other hand has made its way down Stefano’s back to grab a handful of his ass, and he squeezes, pulling Stefano’s body even harder against his.  Stefano’s initial reaction is to arch his back again, pressing down into Sebastian, but he suddenly freezes, eye going wide.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says gently.  “Look at me.”

 

Stefano does, though his eye is wild.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says.  “I am not going to touch you anywhere that you don’t want to be touched, ever.  I promise you that.”  Stefano nods.  Sebastian knows that he is repeating himself, but with some of the crazy ideas Stefano has, it seems like a good idea to make sure his intentions are clear.  “I just want to make you feel good.”

 

Stefano nods again, and he leans forward to rest his body fully against Sebastian’s and his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.

 

“Now,” Sebastian continues, “is it okay for me to hold you like this?”  He gently flexes the fingers of his hand that is still on Stefano’s ass to illustrate what he’s talking about.

 

“Yes,” Stefano answers.  “You just surprised me before.” 

 

Then Stefano is leaning down to kiss him again, and this one starts out soft and sweet, but escalates quickly when Stefano nips at his lower lip, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to get Sebastian’s attention and make his cock take notice again.

 

Sebastian manages to work his hand out from in between their bodies, where it is in danger of falling asleep from being compressed for so long, and bring it to Stefano’s ass as well so that he has one cheek cupped firmly in each hand.  He feels Stefano tense, but he simply pulls Stefano hard against his body, feels him shudder as his cock rubs against Sebastian’s belly, and then waits for him to start moving again of his own accord.  It doesn’t take long.

 

Stefano’s body is so warm against his, and his own cock is trapped between them, hard and leaking and desperate for more friction.  Each movement of Stefano’s body is making him gasp and moan, and Sebastian is sure that he is not kissing back very effectively, but Stefano doesn’t seem to be complaining.

 

After a few more thrusts and a few more sloppy kisses, Stefano goes still and brings his mouth close to Sebastian’s ear.  “I want you inside me, Sebastian.”

 

As arousing as it is to hear Stefano say those words, they are also a wake-up call for Sebastian because they still have a long way to go if they are going to do this and if it is going to be pleasurable for Stefano.  It’s hard to figure Stefano out at the moment, because there seems to be a huge disconnect between his mind and his body.  Sebastian doesn’t doubt that Stefano wants Sebastian to fuck him, but a minute ago he could barely tolerate Sebastian’s hand on his ass.  Sebastian isn’t really sure how to bridge that gap, but he does know that he needs more time.

 

“Soon,” he whispers back, turning his head to kiss Stefano’s jaw line, “but there are some other things I’d like to do first…to get ready, if that’s alright.”

 

“You are so kind and so patient,” Stefano murmurs, “but at some point we just have to do it.  The anticipation is becoming part of the problem.”  He pauses and sighs before continuing, “I don’t think I’m ever going to be as ready as you want.  We just need to get the first time over with.  It might not be the best, but I know you’ll be careful, and then we’ll get better at it in time-”

 

Stefano stops speaking abruptly, and Sebastian is sure that it’s because he can feel how rigid Sebastian has gone under him.  Sebastian takes a deep breath and exhales, trying to control his anger and release the tension, because what Stefano is suggesting does make him angry and frustrated and sad.

 

Sebastian has had enough first times to know that they generally aren’t perfect, and he is completely fine with the awkward moments and embarrassing noises and general confusion that come from trying to figure out a new partner.  However, the idea of a first time where Stefano is uncomfortable or afraid or in pain is abhorrent to him, and even if Stefano wants to ‘just get it over with’, Sebastian isn’t sure that he can stomach that.

 

“No, Stefano,” he says, and he is proud of how calmly his voice comes out, because he doesn’t feel calm at all.  “We’re not doing that.  That’s unacceptable.”

 

Stefano lets out a huff of annoyance.  “Why?  Do you not want me?”

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian begins, his hands sliding up to rub Stefano’s back.  “I think I made it really clear last night how much I want you, but what you’re describing now isn’t what I want our first time to be like.”

 

Stefano pulls back and sits up, looking at Sebastian with his brow furrowed.  “It’s my body.”

 

“It’s both of our bodies,” Sebastian counters, giving his hip a squeeze.  “Listen,” he says with a sigh, “I know I can’t tell you when you’re ready, but just a minute ago you seemed pretty uncomfortable with me even touching you near that area.”

 

“I’ll get used to it,” Stefano replies.  “I’m sure I will.  Just…just start slowly if you don’t mind.”  He glances down at Sebastian’s chest, blushing a little as his voice becomes softer.

 

“Of course I will,” Sebastian says.  “Actually, before I do anything like that, is there something I can do to help you relax?”

 

Stefano seems to be thinking for a moment.  “I did buy some massage oil today at that gift shop…”

 

“That’s perfect,” Sebastian says.  “Where is it?”

 

“On the counter in the bathroom,” Stefano answers, shifting his weight off of Sebastian and drawing the covers up around himself.

 

“I’ll be right back,” Sebastian says as he gets out of bed and heads for the bathroom.  He locates the oil, which seems to have the same lavender scent as the bath salts, and returns to the bedroom, where Stefano is curled up on his side with the covers pulled up to his chin.

 

Sebastian smiles.  “You know you’re going to have uncover yourself if I’m supposed to massage you, right?”

 

“If you say so,” Stefano grumbles in mock irritation, but Sebastian is pleased to see that he still seems to be relaxed enough to joke about this.

 

Stefano turns onto his stomach and reaches behind him to push the sheet down to just below his waist.  He folds his arms under his head, and Sebastian waits for a moment for him to get settled before he approaches to sit next to him on the edge of the bed.

 

Stefano turns his head toward Sebastian, and Sebastian notes that his eye is wider than usual and his jaw is tensed.  Sebastian is a bit surprised, both at how a simple change in position can affect Stefano’s behavior so dramatically, and how Stefano is suspicious of a back massage when a few minutes ago he seemed ready to have penetrative sex.

 

“Doing alright?” Sebastian asks gently.  He sets the massage oil down on the bedside table, making no move to touch Stefano yet.

 

“I think so,” Stefano replies, but there is hesitation in his voice.  Sebastian waits until he adds, “Please don’t ask me to turn over though.  I don’t think I can…”

 

“Of course not,” Sebastian says quickly, hoping that some of the warmth in his heart is coming across in his voice.  Stefano is so rarely comfortable with being on his back that Sebastian is now hyper-aware of how Stefano’s body is positioned.  Stefano’s panic attack a couple of nights ago is still fresh in his mind, and he certainly doesn’t want to do anything that will trigger a similar episode.  “Just breathe for a minute,” he says.  “Then tell me if you’re comfortable like this or if we should try something else.”

 

Stefano nods and closes his eye, then quickly opens it, glancing at Sebastian with a look of relief.  Obviously whatever Stefano is seeing when he closes his eye isn’t helping him relax, and Sebastian’s heart breaks a little at how much he has suffered.  After several deep, steadying breaths, Stefano says, “I’m alright like this.”

 

“Okay if I put my hand on your back?” Sebastian asks, because with the slightly wild look that is still in Stefano’s eye, it seems wise to proceed slowly and announce his intentions.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says with a slight smile, and Sebastian turns his upper body toward Stefano, being careful not to lean over him, and reaches out to place his hand lightly on Stefano’s shoulder blade.  Stefano’s skin twitches under his fingers, but Stefano draws in another deep breath and goes still as Sebastian’s hand begins to make small circles.  He starts up at Stefano’s shoulders, gradually working his way down to the small of Stefano’s back, leaving the sheet in place.  He’s not really massaging at this point, just gauging Stefano’s reaction to his touch.

 

For his part, Stefano seems to be fighting his instinct to flee, because his eye is still locked on Sebastian and he is trembling with a kind of restless energy.  This is not the reaction Sebastian was hoping for at all, so he reverts to something he is fairly sure will make Stefano feel safer.

 

“Hey,” he murmurs, stilling his hand.  “Scoot over a little.  Let me lie down with you.”

 

Stefano wordlessly moves closer to the center of the bed, still on his stomach, and Sebastian lies down beside him on his back.  “Come here,” Sebastian says softly.  “Tell me what’s going on.”

 

Another look of relief flashes across Stefano’s face before that face is buried in Sebastian’s chest and Stefano’s arms are wrapped tightly around him.  Sebastian rubs his back as Stefano clings to him, his breaths coming fast and unsteady and his body shaking.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says.  “I’ve got you. Just take your time.”

 

After a few moments of Sebastian quietly stroking his back, Stefano’s trembling has subsided, and he speaks.  “It is the anticipation again.”  Sebastian doesn’t quite understand, but luckily Stefano elaborates.  “When I am lying here waiting for you to do something to me, to make some sort of contact with my body, I can’t help thinking about all of the things you could do, and most of them are painful, unpleasant things.”

 

“Stefano, I would never-” Sebastian begins, but Stefano cuts him off.

 

“Let me finish.  I trust you and I know that you will not hurt me, but some part of my brain is still expecting pain, even when the way you are touching me is pleasant,” he says.  He sighs deeply.  “I am so sorry, Sebastian.  I still don’t understand why you are so patient.”

 

Sebastian is now even more confused about how Stefano thought they might be going to have sex if he is still having these sorts of thoughts, but comforting Stefano is far more important than figuring that out.

 

“Stefano,” he says, tightening his arm around Stefano’s back and leaning down to kiss the top of his head.  “I’m patient with you because I love you and I want to make you feel good and I would never, never hurt you.”  He pauses.  “And that is the bare minimum you should expect from anyone you’re going to be involved with.  I don’t care how long it takes for us to find a way to make this good for you.  I’ll wait.  I’m not going anywhere.”

 

While Sebastian has been talking, he has returned to rubbing Stefano’s back lightly, and that gives him an idea.

 

“What I’m doing now feels okay, right?” he asks.

 

“What you are doing now feels wonderful,” Stefano replies warmly.

 

“And you’re focused on what I’m actually doing and how it feels, not on what I might be about to do,” Sebastian suggests.

 

“Ah,” Stefano says, after a short pause.  “I see what you are doing.”

 

“Only if it helps,” Sebastian says.  “But you know I’ll go slowly and tell you what I’m doing, so you don’t need to worry about what’s going to happen next.  You’ll know before it happens.”

 

This arrangement strongly reminds Sebastian of when he was treating Stefano’s wounds in the dungeon, but if Stefano is anticipating pain, then he would rather be overly cautious than too casual about touching him.

 

Stefano leans up to kiss Sebastian before he shifts off of Sebastian’s chest and rearranges himself face down on the bed again.  Sebastian cautiously pulls himself into a sitting position beside him.

 

“I’m just going to lightly rub your back, okay?” Sebastian says.

 

Stefano nods once, and Sebastian brings his hand to Stefano’s back, making his small circles again.  Stefano seems much more relaxed this time, lying still and breathing deeply, and Sebastian is soon running his hand up and down the full length of Stefano’s back, from his shoulders down to the edge of the sheet.

 

“How does that feel?” Sebastian asks, because despite all of the signs that Stefano is relaxed and enjoying himself, he wants to be absolutely sure.

 

“Very nice,” Stefano sighs.

 

“Alright if I use a little more pressure?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, sounding almost sleepy.  “And use some of the oil if you want.  My muscles probably need it.”

 

“Where are you sore?” Sebastian asks as he reaches for the oil and pours some into his palm.

 

“Everywhere,” Stefano says.  “I don’t think my body is used to doing much of anything right now.”

 

Sebastian almost starts grumbling about Mobius, but catches himself, because if he does that then he is going to get all worked up, and he doesn’t want to scare Stefano when Stefano is trying so hard to relax.

 

“Putting my hands back on you now,” Sebastian warns, even though Stefano can see him.  He rubs his hands together to distribute the oil and hopefully warm it up a little bit, and then brings them to Stefano’s shoulders, circling slowly before he begins to work the heels of his hands deeper into the muscle.  Sebastian has no expertise at massage, but Myra used to give one hell of a back rub, and he thinks that he remembers enough of her technique to at least not make things any worse.

 

Stefano moans softly as Sebastian’s strokes get firmer, every movement warm and slick with oil, and Sebastian glances at his face, but Stefano’s expression seems relaxed.  Sebastian continues to focus on Stefano’s shoulders, working his fingers in deeper each time, lavishing attention on the knots and tight places that he finds, backing off the pressure a little bit when an area seems to be tender, and keeping an eye on Stefano’s face and his breathing to make sure that he’s not getting overwhelmed.

 

Sebastian is leaning slightly over Stefano now, but Stefano isn’t objecting, and if the moans and whimpers and other noises he is making are any indication, then Sebastian is doing a good job.  Sebastian works his way down Stefano’s back, leaving Stefano’s muscles soft and supple in his wake, until he reaches the edge of the sheet.

 

“It is alright if I go lower?” he asks as his thumbs rub small circles on Stefano’s lower back.

 

Stefano hesitates for a moment.  “Yes, I think so,” he finally says.

 

“Can I move the sheet?” Sebastian asks, because past experience has led him to realize that touching and nudity are two separate issues for Stefano.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, swallowing audibly.

 

“Remember,” Sebastian says reassuringly.  “I’m just going to massage.  I’m not going to touch you anywhere you don’t want to be touched.”

 

“Alright,” Stefano says, taking a deep breath.  Sebastian finds that he is also taking a deep breath as he lifts the sheet and lays it to the side, and Stefano is naked before him.

 

Stefano is trembling again, and when Sebastian glances at his face, his eye is unfocused.  Sebastian continues to rub soothing circles on his lower back.  “Stay with me,” he murmurs reassuringly.

 

Stefano takes a deep breath and looks into Sebastian’s face.  “I’m alright,” he says, and he looks much more grounded, more present than he was a moment ago.

 

Sebastian nods.  “I’m going to start with the backs of your legs,” he says calmly.  He moves his hands to the backs of Stefano’s thighs.  “Focus on me.  Focus on how it feels here, where I’m touching you.”

 

“Feels good,” Stefano says, very softly.

 

“You’re doing so well,” Sebastian says.  “Just tell me if it’s too much.”  His hands begin to work into the muscles of Stefano’s thighs, starting with long, light strokes and gradually increasing the pressure until he is digging deep, massaging away the tension.  Stefano is no longer shaking, just breathing deeply and occasionally letting out a slow, contented sigh or a little moan that is music to Sebastian’s ears.

 

“Can I go a little higher?” Sebastian asks as he reaches the tops of Stefano’s thighs and presses his thumbs in, working on a knot he can feel down in the tissue.  He is practically touching Stefano’s ass already but this seems like a good time to check in.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says breathlessly.

 

As soon as Sebastian’s hands touch his ass, Stefano tenses up again, which isn’t surprising considering how sensitive he usually is about being touched there.  Sebastian stops moving, but leaves his hands in place, one palm cupping each cheek of Stefano’s ass, fingers splayed out over his skin.

 

“Stefano,” he says, in a voice that he hopes is reassuring.  “You can feel where my hands are right now.  I’m not going to touch you anywhere else.”  Sebastian is realizing, now that his hands are so close to Stefano’s opening, that he is also feeling some anxiety about touching Stefano there, maybe because the last time he handled this area of Stefano’s body he was so badly injured and so frightened.  “Just relax,” he continues.  “Or tell me if you want me to stop touching you.”

 

Stefano’s expression is completely unreadable for several seconds, and Sebastian is about to remove his hands when Stefano speaks.  “Wait,” he says, eye focusing on Sebastian again.  “I think I’m alright.”  There is still tension visible in his face, but he seems calm, at least on the surface.

 

Sebastian gives him a reassuring smile.  “I’m still just massaging.  I’m not going to do anything else.”

 

The corners of Stefano’s mouth twitch, which looks to be as much of a smile as he can manage at the moment.  “I know,” he replies.  “You give a very good massage.  I am sorry for being so skittish tonight.”

 

“That’s fine,” Sebastian says.  “In fact, I think that’s normal.  This is all new for us.”

 

“Not for you,” Stefano counters.  “And perhaps not for me either, if I could only remember more…”

 

“Well, it always feels new with a new partner,” Sebastian says.  “At least, it does for me.”

 

Stefano smiles at that, and this one is warm and genuine.  Sebastian feels a rush of warmth that hopefully he has said the right thing and Stefano knows how much Sebastian cares about him. 

 

“Well said,” Stefano replies.  “You can keep massaging if you like.”

 

Sebastian turns his attention back to Stefano’s ass and begins to carefully manipulate the flesh under his fingers, taking care not to move them any further between Stefano’s cheeks, because he doesn’t want to give Stefano any reason to doubt his intentions.  Sebastian sets to work slowly kneading his muscles, and even though Stefano is tense at first, Sebastian feels like he is making progress, both in soothing Stefano’s sore muscles and helping Stefano gain confidence in his touch.

 

Stefano has gone very quiet though, and Sebastian is worried that his mind has wandered to what else Sebastian might be going to do to him, so he asks, “How does it feel?”

 

“Good but sort of raw,” Stefano says.  “Like you are touching an open wound; like when you were using the green gel.  You are in so deep, but you are so gentle.”

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian says.  “It’s okay to let someone into those places as long as they’re being careful.”  Sebastian is honestly not sure whether they are talking about Stefano’s body or his mind, but either way, he is damned sure going to be gentle.  Stefano deserves that and much more.

 

Sebastian stills his hands, letting them return to his lap.  “Is there somewhere else I can work on?  Anywhere else you’re sore?”

 

“No,” Stefano says.  “I’m not sore anywhere else, but I don’t want you to stop touching me.”

 

“Well,” Sebastian says with a smile, “I do have an idea about something else we can do.”  Sebastian is rather proud of himself, because he has indeed come up with an activity that may satisfy Stefano’s desire for more intimate contact yet also be gentle enough and stimulating enough to please him.

 

“Really?”  Stefano looks intrigued.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.  “If you’re comfortable with me touching you…there.”  Sebastian glances back down at Stefano’s ass as he speaks, and Stefano blushes red but nods at him.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says.  “Can you spread your legs a little bit?”

 

Stefano’s eye widens, but he moves his legs apart until there is enough space for Sebastian in between them.  Sebastian moves to kneel in that space, as Stefano watches him warily over his shoulder.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian soothes.  “I think you’re going to like this.  Just tell me if it doesn’t feel good or if anything else is bothering you.”

 

Stefano nods, takes a deep breath, and faces forward again, grabbing a pillow to rest his head on.  Sebastian also takes a deep breath, because he is already starting to get hard at the sight of Stefano spread out like this before him, and no one has even touched him yet.

 

He places his hands on Stefano’s ass again, carefully spreading his cheeks to reveal his opening.  Like the rest of Stefano’s body, there is no trace of the physical damage from STEM here, but Sebastian knows he will have to be very careful all the same.  Stefano is trembling under him again.

 

“Just focus on what you’re feeling,” Sebastian reminds him as he leans in.  “Stay with me.  Don’t get lost in your head.”

 

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know that any of us planned on leaving Krimson City,” Stefano answers. Truth be told, he isn’t particularly attached to Krimson City himself. He has lived in many places but belonged nowhere, and he has been realizing over the course of the last week that wherever he is with Sebastian and Lily feels more like home than anywhere else in his memory. The place where they end up probably doesn’t matter as long as they are together.
> 
> This is an unexpectedly sentimental thought for Stefano, and one that he files away for later analysis. At the moment, he feels like he belongs right here in Sebastian’s arms, and that’s enough.

 

 

Stefano’s own heartbeat fills his ears as he waits for Sebastian to make a move.  He is at once desperately trying to relax his body, because he knows that will make things easier, and bracing himself for the pain he knows is coming.  He dreads it, but he also knows that he can handle it, knows that if he can breathe through it and endure, he will be able to feel Sebastian completely sheathed inside him, to join with Sebastian in that most intimate way and to be so close to him, to feel the connection he has been missing.

 

 

Then, Sebastian’s hands are on his ass, and Sebastian gently spreads him open.  Stefano goes tense, because whatever Sebastian is about to do, he’s doing it without lubrication, but Stefano has made his decision and Sebastian has been so patient and Stefano is not going to make him wait anymore.  He is surprised when the next thing he feels is not pain or invasive pressure, but a warm, wet sensation against his opening and the light scratching of Sebastian’s beard on the sensitive skin between his cheeks, and Stefano realizes that Sebastian is putting his mouth _there_.

 

 

“Sebastian,” he gasps, “you don’t have to-“. He can’t even come up with the words for what Sebastian is doing, because no one has ever done this to him before, and it feels new and perfect and incredibly dirty all at once.

 

 

“I know I don’t have to,” Sebastian says, lifting his head and massaging the back of Stefano’s leg.  “But I want to.  If it’s okay...?”

 

 

“Yes, I think so,” Stefano replies, voice still trembling a little.  “If you’re sure.”

 

 

“I am,” Sebastian says with confidence before burying his face between Stefano’s cheeks, and the combined sensations of Sebastian’s beard tickling and scratching and Sebastian’s hands spreading him open and Sebastian’s tongue making warm, wet strokes across his opening drags a high, breathy moan from his throat.

 

 

The gentleness and respect that Sebastian employs when handling Stefano’s body, particularly this area, is completely foreign to Stefano.  While he does have vague memories of performing sexual acts with men before Sebastian, it was nothing like this.  He remembers being fucked, being used for someone else’s pleasure, but he has no memory of being so lovingly cared for, of having anyone so concerned with how he is feeling.  He remembers the sense of intimacy, of joining with another person, but tangled up in those memories is pain.

 

 

What Sebastian is doing is something different entirely.  There is no pain at all, and Stefano can’t imagine what Sebastian is getting out of this, but it is tickling all of Stefano’s nerve endings in the most gentle, pleasurable way and he grinds his hips down against the bed to increase the stimulation on his cock.  Sebastian’s hands squeeze his cheeks, continue to hold him wide open as Sebastian’s tongue bathes his opening with long, wet strokes.

 

 

Stefano spreads his legs a little more, giving himself leverage to shamelessly rut against the mattress.  He feels Sebastian’s thumbs slide toward his opening and is bracing himself to be entered, but those thumbs just gently spread him wider as Sebastian laps at him slowly and lovingly.

 

 

Sebastian is focusing all of his attention on Stefano’s opening now, and his licks are shorter, firmer, more focused than before.  His tongue is pressing and wriggling, and Stefano gasps as the tip of Sebastian’s tongue works its way inside.

 

 

Stefano feels a stab of fear in his belly, because Sebastian’s tongue is entering him now, teasing its way into his body, and he can’t help but remember the last time he was penetrated like this.  But Stefano breathes deeply and focuses on what he feels right in this moment, and Sebastian’s tongue feels so gentle and so soft and wet and fucking fantastic that the fear doesn’t last long.  Stefano moans loudly, torn between pressing himself down into the bed or back onto Sebastian’s tongue.  Sebastian’s hands are massaging again, soothing him through the intense sensations.

 

 

Stefano is sure that if Sebastian had the use of his voice right now that he would be providing murmured reassurances, telling him that everything is alright, that it’s okay to enjoy what he is feeling, that Sebastian is going to take care of him.  Sebastian is quite unable to speak though as he works his tongue farther into Stefano, and Stefano can only thrust against the bed, fist his hands in his pillow, and sob at the sheer intensity of the experience.

 

 

As soon as the sob leaves his throat, Sebastian pulls back and asks, “Too much?”

 

 

“No,” Stefano says, face resting on one of his forearms.  “I’ve just never... It feels...”.  Stefano doesn’t know how to express what he is feeling.  It is too complicated to try to explain the vulnerability of being so completely exposed to Sebastian, the edge of anxiety that comes from the anticipation of pain, and the comfort and safety that follow as Sebastian defies that expectation over and over again, every touch gentle and controlled and so caring.

 

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian says, his breath tickling the back of Stefano’s leg.  “You’re doing great.”  He presses a kiss to Stefano’s inner thigh, before he speaks again. “Alright if I continue?”

 

 

“Please,” groans Stefano into his arm.  “It’s more than alright.  I... why would you want to do that?”

 

 

“Because you make such beautiful noises when I do,” Sebastian says, and Stefano can hear the smile in his voice even though he’s not looking at Sebastian.

 

 

And then Sebastian’s mouth is on him again, pressing a warm, wet kiss to his opening before he begins to lave Stefano up and down with his tongue.  Sebastian’s hands are massaging and spreading, as Sebastian’s tongue begins to work its way inside him again, and Stefano is making soft whimpers and thrusting against the bed.

 

 

“Sebastian,” he moans, overwhelmed by sensation as Sebastian’s tongue burrows deeper, warm and wet and insistently stroking his insides.  Sebastian’s hands squeeze him encouragingly, before one of them is slipping down between his legs, sliding underneath him to cup his balls.  Stefano hums in contentment, because he feels so secure in Sebastian’s hands, and the more of his body Sebastian is touching, the better everything feels.  Between Sebastian’s hand and Sebastian’s tongue and the pressure on his cock from where he’s rubbing against the bed, everything is perfect and so deliciously warm and arousing.

 

 

Sebastian’s tongue slips out of him, so that Sebastian can say, “If you want to turn on your side, I’ll be able to touch even more of you.”

 

 

Stefano considers that.  On his side is still a ‘safe’ position, one that calls to mind all of the comfort and security of spooning with Sebastian, and he does want Sebastian to touch more of him.  “Alright,” he says quietly, and Sebastian releases his balls and scoots back to give him room to maneuver.

 

 

Stefano rolls onto his left side, eye trained straight ahead and taking a deep breath to prepare for whatever is coming next.  As it turns out, it’s Sebastian’s hand on his hip and Sebastian’s voice, soft and reassuring, asking, “Are you still there?”  Stefano nods, because suddenly his chest is tightening and he doesn’t trust his voice.

 

 

“Stay here, okay?  Don’t shut down on me.”

 

 

Stefano nods again, and Sebastian squeezes his hip and lies down behind him, molding his body to Stefano’s.  Sebastian wraps his arms around Stefano and kisses the back of his shoulder before bringing his lips close to Stefano’s ear.  “Talk to me, please,” he whispers.  “What’s wrong?”

 

 

Stefano shivers at his voice, though not in an entirely unpleasant way.  “I feel more... exposed like this?  I know it doesn’t make any sense....”  It doesn’t make any sense, even to him, because he’s usually very comfortable in this position with Sebastian, though of course he would usually be fully clothed, and Sebastian wouldn’t be able to just reach between his legs and touch everything.  And the thought of Sebastian doing just that is met with both tingles of excitement and stabs of panic by his poor, confused body, and for the hundredth time he could almost cry in frustration, because Sebastian is so kind and so careful and the perfect person to do this with and why can’t he just make himself do it?

 

 

“Can we just stay like this for a while?” Sebastian murmurs to him.  Normally, Stefano would welcome Sebastian’s suggestion of a ‘safer’ activity for them, but tonight he is frustrated with himself and with the whole situation, and he wants to push things a bit farther.

 

 

“No,” Stefano answers, surprising himself and clearly Sebastian, who tenses up behind him, then starts to pull away, undoubtedly assuming that Stefano doesn’t want to be touched any more.  Stefano grabs his hand before he can get too far and turns to look over his shoulder at Sebastian.

 

 

“No, I mean, let’s go back to what you were doing before,” Stefano says.  His gaze drops down to the mattress as he realizes what he’s asking for.  “If that’s alright...”

 

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says, the surprise evident in his voice.  “As long as you’re sure you’re okay.”  He presses another kiss to Stefano’s shoulder.  “Would you feel better under the sheet?”

 

 

“Maybe,” Stefano replies, feeling a rush of gratitude toward Sebastian.  Not only does Sebastian never scoff at any of his hang-ups or irrational fears in the bedroom, but he is always ready with a suggestion about how to help Stefano feel safe and comfortable.

 

 

Even though it seems a little ridiculous, he does feel better when they’ve repositioned themselves with Stefano under the sheet, and Stefano almost laughs at Sebastian’s eagerness to dive under with him and get back to work.

 

 

Sebastian’s mouth is back on him immediately, working him over with long, slow, embarrassingly wet-sounding strokes of his tongue, and Sebastian’s hand is sliding between his legs, lifting his right thigh to gain access to more of his body.  And it does feel for a second like it might be too much, too intimate, but he breathes through it and focuses on what Sebastian’s hand is actually doing instead of all of the things he is afraid might happen.  Sebastian’s hand fondles his balls before moving up to cover his cock, gently pressing and rubbing his palm against it in time with the movements of his tongue.

 

 

“Sorry,” Stefano says quietly, because in the time it took them to change positions, discuss the new position, and get under the sheet, his cock has gone soft.

 

 

“Still feels good?” Sebastian asks, pausing in his licking.

 

 

“Oh, yes,” Stefano breathes, his body trembling against Sebastian’s hand, because Sebastian’s hand is large and warm and holding his cock so perfectly.

 

 

“Then no worries.  Just enjoy,” Sebastian says, before pressing his mouth between Stefano’s cheeks again to tease him with the tip of his tongue.  

 

 

The sensation of Sebastian’s tongue on his opening is a pleasantly ticklish feeling, not particularly satisfying in itself, but it sets all of Stefano’s nerves quivering, makes him want so much more, makes him whine and squirm against Sebastian’s hand.  Sebastian obligingly increases the pressure, which feels amazing, and Stefano is quickly getting hard under his touch.

 

 

Sebastian shifts his hand to wrap loosely around Stefano’s cock, giving it a gentle squeeze before he begins to stroke up and down.

 

 

Stefano sighs contentedly, gripping the pillow under his head, his legs trembling as Sebastian licks and strokes and pleasures him from both sides.  Sebastian’s grip tightens a little, and he gently rolls Stefano’s foreskin down, exposing the head of his cock.

 

 

Stefano gasps, his cock jerking as Sebastian’s fingers brush against him, because the head of his cock is so sensitive that even Sebastian’s featherlight touch almost feels too intense.

 

 

“Shhh. It’s okay,” Sebastian says, adjusting his grip on Stefano’s cock to hold it further down and resting his face against Stefano’s hip.  “Can you hand me the lube?”

 

 

Stefano goes tense at that.  He tries to remind himself that this is Sebastian, and Sebastian will go slowly and won’t try to force anything into his body, but he still can’t imagine why he needs the lubricant.

 

 

“Not for that,” Sebastian murmurs from under the sheet, and Stefano wonders for a moment if Sebastian can read his mind.  “Just thought it might feel better on your cock.  Or is it too sensitive to touch right now?”

 

 

“A little, but the lube might help,” Stefano replies, taking a calming breath.  This is Sebastian, after all, and Sebastian won’t push him farther than he wants to go.

 

 

Stefano leans off the bed, unzips the outer pocket of Sebastian’s bag, and fumbles with the contents until he finds the bottle of lubricant.  He lifts the sheet a bit, and he and Sebastian both laugh as they somehow manage the hand-off while Sebastian is thoroughly wrapped around Stefano and partially covered by the sheet.

 

 

Stefano settles again with his head on the pillow.  From under the sheet, he hears Sebastian uncap the lube, which brings a stab of anxiety by itself, but then Sebastian is talking to him again.

 

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian says quietly.  “I’ve got you.  This might feel a little cold.”

 

 

And with that, Sebastian is reaching between his legs again, and Sebastian’s fingers are on the head of his cock, and the lube does feel cool, but Sebastian’s fingers are warm, and everything is nice and slick and perfect.

 

 

“Oh-“ Stefano breathes, because his cock is still very sensitive, and what he is feeling is right at the threshold of being too much, but Sebastian’s fingers are teasing him so gently, sliding up and down effortlessly, and Sebastian’s tongue is stroking his opening again, and Stefano’s hips are pressing forward to meet Sebastian’s hand and back to feel Sebastian’s tongue.

 

 

Sebastian seems to gain confidence when Stefano begins to move against him, because he makes a loose fist around Stefano’s cock, which slides through it easily, and the strokes of his tongue become more vigorous.  Soon, his tongue is working its way inside again, and the very idea of Sebastian penetrating him with any part of his body is almost as exciting as the warm, wet feeling Sebastian’s tongue produces.

 

 

Stefano is quite surprised by how enjoyable this is.  He had imagined that being touched in this area would be uncomfortable at best and excruciating at worst, an obstacle he would have to overcome in order to have the connection he wants to feel with Sebastian.  And perhaps if Sebastian had started with his cock or even his fingers, then it would have been a very different story, but Sebastian’s tongue is amazingly talented and perfectly gentle, and Stefano feels like he could lie here and let Sebastian lick him open all night.

 

 

He is fairly certain that isn’t going to happen though, because Sebastian’s fist is now squeezing his cock more firmly as he strokes up and down, the lube still keeping everything comfortably slick.  Sebastian punctuates his stroking with little flourishes, twists of his wrist or firmer, more focused strokes on sensitive places, and Stefano cries out, arching his back as Sebastian’s thumb teases his slit.

 

 

As Sebastian continues his ministrations, Stefano’s hips are moving less rhythmically, and he feels as though he is fighting to keep control of his body, fighting to keep from giving himself over to Sebastian completely.  But with each pump of Sebastian’s hand and each deep, wet stroke of Sebastian’s tongue, he is beginning to realize that he wants to lose control, wants to let Sebastian squeeze and manipulate and mold his body as he wishes.

 

 

He closes his eye, tries to relax as much as possible, to focus on nothing but the pleasure building hard and fast between his legs, to tell himself that it is alright to give up control, and in a few more strokes of Sebastian’s hand and a few more firm, slick thrusts of Sebastian’s tongue into his body, Stefano is trembling violently as all of those raw, sensitive, pleasurable feelings come together to push him over the edge.  He gasps Sebastian’s name as he goes rigid, spilling his seed into the sheets,

 

 

Sebastian’s hand slows, but carefully milks the last few drops from his swollen cock as Sebastian’s tongue slips out of him.  Sebastian laps at his opening again, slowly and languidly this time, and Stefano doesn’t care whether it is weird or dirty anymore, because it just feels exquisite right now.  He is warm all over and so comfortable, and just as he is thinking about the one thing that could make this better, Sebastian scoots up to lie behind him and wrap his arms around Stefano’s chest.

 

 

He kisses Stefano’s shoulder before he speaks.  “Are you doing alright?”

 

 

“That was spectacular,” Stefano murmurs, placing his hands over Sebastian’s, because there really is no other word for what just happened.  It was raw and intimate and beautifully intense in a way that Stefano didn’t know sex could even be, and he feels as though he is still struggling to process it.

 

 

“Good,” Sebastian says, kissing his shoulder again.  “I’ll be right back.”

 

 

Sebastian heads into the bathroom, which makes sense, because Stefano imagines that after doing what Sebastian just did, most people would want to brush their teeth.  He hears the water running for a little while, and then Sebastian returns and hands him a damp washcloth.

 

 

Stefano pushes the sheet down, his mind too warm and fuzzy and relaxed to worry about his own nakedness or vulnerability.  He cleans himself up as best he can while Sebastian wads up the top sheet and throws it to the floor.  At least this time they’ve only ruined the one sheet, so they don’t need a completely new set.  Besides that, it is getting cool enough now that Stefano prefers sleeping under the blankets.

 

 

Sebastian hands Stefano a blanket and takes the washcloth, which he tosses to the floor as well.  He manages to locate Stefano’s pajama pants, which Stefano gratefully accepts and pulls on, and his own boxers and then climbs back into bed and wraps his arms around Stefano, kissing him lazily on the cheek.  Stefano turns in his arms to face him and throws and arm and a leg over Sebastian before he leans up to kiss him on the mouth.

 

 

“Thank you,” he whispers when their lips part.  “That was lovely.”  Then he adds.  “Is that something you do often?”

 

 

Sebastian smiles.  “As often as I can,” he replies.  “Not everyone enjoys that though, so I’m glad it wasn’t too much.”

 

 

“Not at all,” Stefano reassures him.  “It was a very pleasant surprise.”

 

 

“And none of that hurt?” Sebastian asks, looking suddenly concerned.

 

“No,” Stefano replies, “There was no pain at all.  Also a pleasant surprise.”

 

“That’s what it’s supposed to be like,” Sebastian says.  “That what it will always be like as long as we take our time.”

 

“I don’t know about that,” Stefano says, raising as skeptical eyebrow as he glances pointedly down toward Sebastian’s cock.  Based on Stefano’s previous observations, Sebastian is quite well-endowed, and while his cock is beautiful when it is thick and heavy and erect, Stefano is less sure about his ability to accommodate something that size.

 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian soothes, stroking his back.  “It’s not as scary as it looks.  And we have plenty of time and patience and lube.”

 

Stefano laughs at that and presses closer to Sebastian, resting his face on his chest.  While Sebastian may express himself more with actions than words, he does seem to know the right things to say in situations like this, and Stefano certainly feels a little more at ease.  However, the discussion of Sebastian’s cock has caused him to realize that Sebastian hasn’t climaxed tonight.

 

“Can I do something for you?” Stefano asks, letting one hand trail suggestively down Sebastian’s chest.

 

“Just hold me.  Let me hold you,” Sebastian replies, still lazily stroking his back.  “I’m just so tired.  This Mobius stuff is wearing me out.”  He pauses.  “I guess I just need to know that you’re still here with me.”

 

Stefano wraps his arms around Sebastian again, holds him close, and kisses his chest.  “Of course I am here with you.  There is nowhere I would rather be.”  He sighs.  “But all of the Mobius stuff is in your own head.  There is no reason to think that we are being tracked.”

 

“I just can’t take that chance,” Sebastian murmurs into his hair.  “I mean, you saw what they did to Lily, what they did to you.  I will never let them hurt either one of you again, no matter what I have to do to-”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, calmly but firmly, because Sebastian is breathing harder now and Stefano can feel the tension in his chest and shoulders.  “We did it.  We escaped from Mobius.”

 

He pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts, because the way Sebastian is talking about this is jogging a memory, maybe from his own past, maybe from one of the men he met on the battlefield.  That constant state of heightened alertness, the need to defend and protect, even when there is nothing to defend against, the inability to focus on everyday tasks because they seem so mundane and unimportant- all of these things are familiar to him, and he thinks he may be starting to understand Sebastian a little better.

 

“You have protected us so well,” he begins, “but there is nothing to protect us from right now.  That’s not what we need.  What we need is to get back to our lives- the lives we had before Mobius took them away from us.  Lily needs to go to school.  You and I need to find a way to earn a living.  We need to find somewhere to settle down and be a family.”

                                                                                                                                                                             

Sebastian stops rubbing his back and just holds him close, sighing deeply.  “Maybe,” he concedes.  “But I won’t underestimate Mobius again.  I won’t lose my family again.”  His voice breaks and he leans down to kiss the top of Stefano’s head.  He takes a few deep breaths before he continues.

 

“If we did settle down,” he says.  “What kind of place would you like to live?”

 

“In the city,” Stefano answers with confidence.  He’s never seriously considered anything other than city life.  “There needs to be an art community…and some semblance of culture.”  He feels Sebastian’s chest shaking under him as Sebastian laughs to himself.  While Stefano has been trying to be on his best behavior during their road trip, it is possible that he has made some comments that have alerted Sebastian to the fact that Stefano is unimpressed with what the locals seem to think is art.

 

“I like the city too,” Sebastian muses.  “Although maybe after so many years in law enforcement I just don’t know how to live anywhere else.  I never thought I’d leave Krimson City actually.”

 

“I don’t know that any of us planned on leaving Krimson City,” Stefano answers.  Truth be told, he isn’t particularly attached to Krimson City himself.  He has lived in many places but belonged nowhere, and he has been realizing over the course of the last week that wherever he is with Sebastian and Lily feels more like home than anywhere else in his memory.  The place where they end up probably doesn’t matter as long as they are together.

 

This is an unexpectedly sentimental thought for Stefano, and one that he files away for later analysis.  At the moment, he feels like he belongs right here in Sebastian’s arms, and that’s enough.

 

“Does your eye still bother you?” Sebastian asks suddenly.

 

“What?” Stefano responds reflexively, because he hasn’t quite caught up with the abrupt change of subject.

 

“I just noticed that you touch that side of your face sometimes,” Sebastian explains.

 

“Yes, it does still ache from time to time,” Stefano replies truthfully, though he is surprised that Sebastian noticed.  He had thought that he was better at suppressing his reaction to the pain.  “Mainly when I am tired or under stress.  The doctors were not able to remove all of the shrapnel.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian murmurs.

 

Stefano shrugs.  “I’ve grown accustomed to it.  And I’ve suffered far worse.”

 

Sebastian flinches as though Stefano has physically struck him.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, “that is not what I meant.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” Sebastian whispers, and Stefano tries to think quickly of how to keep him from spiraling down into self-loathing as he tends to do when this subject comes up.

 

“What Theodore’s men did was far worse,” Stefano says.  “And the installation of the camera was also quite unpleasant.”  He can still vividly remember kneeling before Theodore, Theodore’s palm covering his right eye socket, and the searing pain that followed, the sense of some foreign object invading his body.  Even though he later came to love the camera eye, this memory is a painful one.

 

“Wait,” Sebastian says.  “Didn’t you do that yourself?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies, secretly pleased that he has succeeded in distracting Sebastian.  “It was a gift from Theodore.  Didn’t I tell you?”

 

“I don’t think so,” Sebastian answers.  “I don’t think we ever talked about it.”

 

“I used it to great effect of course,” Stefano explains, “but it was his gift to me for agreeing to help him acquire Lily.  I was not surprised that he chose to remove it after I failed to follow his orders, but he went so much farther…”

 

Stefano shivers, trying very hard not to think about the dungeon.  It is very difficult to ward off those thoughts on his own, but with Sebastian’s arms around him and Sebastian’s chin resting on top of his head and the scent of Sebastian heavy in the air he breathes, he finds it easier to remember that he is safe now.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says softly.  “It’s over.  I’m here.”

 

“I know,” Stefano replies with a yawn and plants another kiss on Sebastian’s chest.

 

“Let’s get some sleep,” Sebastian says, kissing the top of Stefano’s head again before he reaches behind him to turn off the light.

 

Stefano rests his head on Sebastian’s chest and is asleep almost immediately.  This time, when the faceless, cloaked men come for him in his dreams, it is easier to remember that the frightening visions are not real, that he is sleeping safely beside Sebastian, and that Sebastian is not going to let anyone hurt him again.

 

 

 


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thinks back to the dream he was having before he woke up this morning, wonders why he can’t let go of Tatiana, can’t let go of Mobius, can’t seem to come down from the high intensity, fight-or-flight lifestyle that he adopted in STEM. He didn’t want to live like that, but now it seems that he doesn’t know any other way to live. Something has to change; that much is clear.
> 
> Stefano squeezes his arm. “Are you alright?” he asks.
> 
> “Maybe not right this minute,” Sebastian answers, “but I think I will be.”

 

 

Sebastian wakes up in his cell, on a lumpy mattress perched on a creaky bedframe.  He groans, because his head is pounding, but he turns and swings his legs over the edge of the bed, because he knows this isn’t a place he can stay for very long.  He rests his head in his hands for a moment, then raises it, squinting at the wooden desk and the peeling paint on the wall.

 

This place is familiar to him.  It’s not his home, but he’s been here before.  It fills him with a restless energy, a need to do something, to go somewhere, and he stumbles to his feet.  His first few steps are clumsy, but he makes it to the door and grasps the handle.  It swings open when he pulls and he steps out into a small hallway with four other doors lining it.  He is willing to bet that three of them lead to small rooms like the one he was just in, but the fourth, the one to his right, is standing open and Sebastian can see a larger room beyond it.

 

He walks through that door, still feeling sluggish and uncoordinated, and finds himself in a room that looks like the lobby of a doctor’s office or hospital of some kind, but one that has been abandoned for many years.  Dust floats through the air, and he can hear the faint sound of piano music somewhere.  He has been here before.  He is sure of that.

 

He has only taken a few more steps into the room when a voice comes from his left.

 

“Have you forgotten something?”

 

He whirls around to see Tatiana behind the desk, looking just as she always does, and he immediately realizes that he is in his old safe room from before Union, from Beacon.  His head feels like it going to split open.

 

“I thought you said I wouldn’t need you anymore,” he says, because he remembers the conversation they had the last time he saw Tatiana in STEM.

 

“You don’t,” she says with a cryptic smile before she bursts into flames.  Suddenly the room around them is on fire, and Sebastian is on fire, and Sebastian is jerking awake.  Stefano’s hand is on his chest and Stefano’s voice is in his ear.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano murmurs sleepily.  “Just a dream…”

 

Sebastian doesn’t answer, but when he tries to shift his position he can’t suppress a groan, because the headache unfortunately is very real.

 

“What’s wrong?” Stefano asks, immediately sounding wide awake.

 

“My head…” Sebastian says, bringing a hand up to cover his eyes, because the glare from the morning light that is peeking around the curtains feels like a knife in his brain.

 

He feels Stefano sit up next to him, and then he feels Stefano’s lips very gently touching his forehead.  That gets a chuckle out of him, even with the pain, because it’s just such a ridiculous thing, especially coming from Stefano.  It’s the sort of thing Sebastian would try on Lily.

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says, “that’ll probably take care of it, but just in case, can you grab me some aspirin?”

 

“Sarcasm isn’t going to make your head hurt any less,” Stefano observes, but Sebastian feels the mattress shift as Stefano gets up.  Sebastian takes a few deep breaths, because the pounding in his head is becoming unbearable.  Sebastian can’t tell how much time has passed when Stefano pulls his hand from his face and presents him with aspirin and a glass of water.

 

Sebastian swallows the pills and squints at Stefano.  “Thanks,” he says.  “And thanks for the other thing.  That wasn’t all sarcasm.”

 

Stefano smiles and takes his glass and sets it on the bedside table.  Sebastian slowly eases himself back down, trying not to jar his head as he rests it carefully on the pillow.  He closes his eyes, wondering what Stefano is doing that is causing him to sit so still beside him.  When he can’t stand it anymore, he cracks one eye open and sees that Stefano is just sitting there, cross-legged and wearing only his pajama pants, and staring at Sebastian.

 

“You know that makes it really hard to go to sleep, right?” Sebastian says.

 

“It is sort of a compromise,” Stefano replies.  “What I would actually like to do now is take your picture, but I don’t imagine you would be very happy about that.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says, and before he can stop himself, both his eyes are open and he is sitting up.  His head screams in protest, and he collapses back to the pillow with his hands over his face.

 

“Shhh,” Stefano whispers, placing a hand on Sebastian’s chest.  “You’re going to make it worse.”

 

Sebastian takes a few more deep breaths to steady himself before he asks, “You want to take my picture while I’m in pain?”

 

“Not in pain specifically,” Stefano muses.  “But you are so fascinating when you are feeling something so strongly.  You would be equally fascinating to photograph when you are angry or the throes of intense pleasure, though at those times I seem to find myself…distracted.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t understand what the hell Stefano is talking about and decides that he probably never will, but he also acknowledges that when he decided to take Stefano with him out of Union, he signed up for the weird stuff too.  And to be honest, Stefano has been much tamer so far than he expected him to be, so he really doesn’t have anything to complain about.

 

“Fine,” Sebastian grunts.  “But no flash, and then you have to lie back down with me.”

 

“I accept your terms,” Stefano says, and Sebastian doesn’t have to look at him to know that he is smirking.

 

As it turns out, the photo session is not disruptive at all, and any hesitation Sebastian might have felt about it is completely forgotten when Stefano gets back under the blankets and snuggles up against him.  Sebastian dozes off quickly and wakes up an hour later with Stefano draped over him.  The pain in his head has subsided, and Stefano’s warm weight on top of him is quite stimulating, and he is beginning to wonder if it is too late in the morning to spend a little time ‘relaxing’ with Stefano.

 

He pauses, listening for any sign that Lily is awake, but hears none.  He turns his attention to Stefano then, and is pleasantly surprised to find that Stefano is still as shirtless as he was when he went to bed last night, both because it feels very nice to have so much of Stefano’s skin against his and because it reflects a level of comfort that Stefano didn’t have just a few days ago.

 

Sebastian wraps his arms around Stefano and gives him a squeeze, and Stefano responds by mumbling something in his sleep and throwing a leg over Sebastian.  Sebastian smiles to himself and lets one of his hands slip down to Stefano’s leg, running from his hip down his thigh and taking hold of him behind his knee, urging him further onto Sebastian.

 

Stefano lifts his head then, looking up at Sebastian with his hair disheveled and an expression that is sleepy, bewildered, and lustful in equal measures.

 

“Hi,” Sebastian whispers, hoping that Stefano doesn’t notice that his hair is swept completely out of his face, because he is enjoying getting to see Stefano’s entire face for once.

 

“Good morning again,” Stefano says, stretching languidly against Sebastian.  “Are you feeling better?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies, “feeling pretty great right now actually.”  He squeezes Stefano’s leg lightly for emphasis.

 

Stefano drops his gaze to Sebastian’s chest, a slight blush creeping onto his face.  “Well, in that case…” he begins, glancing up at Sebastian as his hand moves down Sebastian’s chest.  He shifts his weight off of Sebastian so that his hand can travel all the way down to palm Sebastian’s morning erection through his boxers.

 

“Mmmmm,” Sebastian hums, relaxing back into the pillows, because Stefano’s hand on him already feels great, and his mind is filled with images of what kinds of other things Stefano might want to do with him.  Stefano’s touch is firm, almost roughly massaging his cock and balls through the fabric, and Sebastian finds himself pushing his hips up off the bed into Stefano’s hand.

 

Sebastian doesn’t realize that Stefano’s mouth is hovering over his nipple until his teeth make contact, and that happens just as Stefano gives a firm squeeze of his hand, and it’s shocking, white-hot, and intensely pleasurable.  It’s so much all at once, and it tears a strangled, wordless cry from his throat.  Apparently that is a sound that is not in his normal repertoire, because Stefano pauses and looks up at him.

 

“I’m fine,” Sebastian gasps.  “I’m…fuck, I’m great.  Don’t stop.”

 

Stefano smirks then and lets his hand slip under the waistband of Sebastian’s boxers to graze his fingertips lightly over Sebastian’s cock, and after the way Stefano was working him over a minute ago, the light touches are more frustrating than helpful.  He bucks his hips into Stefano’s hand, trying to coax him into giving some firmer stimulation.

 

Luckily Stefano relents before Sebastian has to resort to begging and wraps his hand fully around Sebastian’s cock, giving it a squeeze before he begins a torturously slow slide up and down.  Sebastian closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and lets his hips follow the rhythm of Stefano’s hand, thrusting slowly into his fist.  It feels good, really good in fact, but it is just so slow that Sebastian is afraid it’s going to drive him crazy, so he does the only thing he can think of to introduce some urgency into Stefano’s touches.  He reaches for Stefano’s pajama pants, pressing his hand against the front of them.

 

He is pleased to discover that Stefano is also hard already, and when Sebastian applies some pressure to his cock, the rhythm of Stefano’s stroking falters and his breath quickens.  Sebastian begins to rub circles there, and soon Stefano’s hips are pressing forward against his hand, and Stefano’s hand on Sebastian’s cock is starting to speed up a little.

 

Stefano stops suddenly, and Sebastian opens his eyes to see what is going on.  Stefano’s eye is wide and staring at Sebastian as though he doesn’t know what to do next.  “I…I…”

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says encouragingly.  “Just tell me what you want to do next…or show me.”

 

That seems to spur Stefano to action, because he takes hold of Sebastian’s boxers, yanking them down to his knees, before pulling his own pajama pants down as well.  Stefano presses up against him, and there is another thrill of excitement and pleasure as Stefano’s cock brushes his.  And then there is much more as Stefano wraps his hand around both of their cocks, squeezing them together.

 

Stefano pauses for a moment, breathing hard as though he is trying to regain control of himself, which is fine with Sebastian because he is doing exactly the same thing.  There is something so intense about having Stefano’s cock pressed against his, something about how hard they both are against each other, but also how soft their skin is where it touches, and when Stefano’s hand begins to move, Sebastian has to clap a hand over his mouth to keep from shouting.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano says.  “I’ve got you.”

 

Sebastian almost laughs, because he is so much more than alright, but Stefano is being very sweet at the moment, and he is clearly learning how all of these things work in a loving relationship, and Sebastian doesn’t want to discourage him from exploring that, so he just nods and grabs Stefano’s hip with his other hand and holds on as Stefano strokes both of them.

 

Sebastian can’t decide which is more entrancing: watching Stefano’s hand slide up and down on their cocks or watching the expression of concentration and wonder and pleasure on Stefano’s face, which is still so beautifully exposed to him.  Stefano would disagree with him, he knows it, but Stefano’s face, like his body, is perfect, and Sebastian hopes that one day Stefano will be comfortable enough to let him explore both of them without restrictions.

 

Stefano’s hand is speeding up though, and for the moment, it is completely overriding any more complicated thoughts in Sebastian’s mind.  His whole world is Stefano’s hand, and he can only thrust his hips and moan and run his hand up and down Stefano’s side.

 

Stefano is panting now, starting to come undone as his hand moves faster and faster, and not a moment too soon, because Sebastian is close.  He wants to take Stefano with him though, so he lets his hand trail its way down from Stefano’s hip to cradle his balls, massaging them in time with Stefano’s strokes.  Stefano makes a high-pitched whining sound at that, and his hand falters for a moment before he redoubles his efforts, squeezing firmly and sliding his hand up and down with purpose.

 

“So good…Stefano,” Sebastian gasps out before he has to cover his mouth with his hand again.  As distracting as Stefano may be, Sebastian can’t entirely forget that Lily is just a room away, and he is in danger of making some noises loud enough to wake her if Stefano keeps up with what he is doing now.

 

Sebastian rolls Stefano’s balls between his fingers, and Stefano gasps, moans out loud, and presses hard against Sebastian, his hand gripping them both tightly as he comes.  The feeling of his warm seed spattering Sebastian’s chest pushes Sebastian just far enough that he is going rigid, arching against Stefano, and stifling a cry of his own as his pleasure peaks and his vision whites out, and he is coming all over Stefano’s fist and both of their chests.

 

It takes Sebastian a minute to come down, because he feels weightless and his head is spinning and the only thing grounding him is Stefano’s hand still on his cock, not stroking anymore, but just holding both of them.  He takes a few deep breaths and opens his eyes, which he doesn’t remember closing, to see Stefano in a similar state, panting and eye half-lidded, but with a dreamy smile on his face.  His face is still exposed, and it is thrilling to Sebastian to be able to see more of him than usual.

 

“Thank you, Stefano,” Sebastian murmurs with a smile.  “That was perfect.”

 

Stefano looks quite proud of himself, and he is about to speak when Sebastian hears the sound of Lily’s door opening and closing and they both fall silent.  She doesn’t come to their room, but she is clearly up and about.

 

“We should clean up,” Stefano suggests, and Sebastian nods, because they really have made a terrible mess.  He is starting to feel bad for the housekeepers who have to clean their room.

 

“Shower?” Sebastian suggests.  He is sure that his hopeful smiles probably makes his intentions very apparent, but Stefano doesn’t seem to mind.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “I’ll get it started.”  He rolls over, kicks his pajama pants the rest of the way off, and gets out of bed, swaying on the spot for a moment before walking to the bathroom.  Sebastian hears the shower come on, and manages to disentangle himself from his boxers so that he can follow Stefano into the bathroom.

 

Stefano is staring into the mirror, eye wide and face frozen in an expression of shock, presumably at his uncovered face.  “How long…?” he gestures at his face, seeming unable to finish his sentence.

 

“The whole time,” Sebastian answers.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Stefano asks.

 

“Because I like seeing all of you,” Sebastian answers truthfully.  “You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

 

While Sebastian has been talking, Stefano has rearranged his hair over the right side of his face, and before he can stop himself, Sebastian is reaching out his hand to brush it away.

 

Stefano jumps when Sebastian’s fingertips make contact with his face, and Sebastian jerks his hand back.

 

“Sorry,” he says quickly.  “I forgot.”  It was a stupid impulse really, and he should have known better.

 

Stefano sighs, and his shoulders slump a little.  “No, it’s alright.  You can look if you want.  You have seen it before, after all.”

 

His words hit Sebastian like a punch in the stomach, because the last time he saw Stefano’s face was when he was the one causing him such pain and fear.  His mind draws back from that thought, refuses to picture that moment, but Sebastian can already feel himself slipping back into the despair this memory always brings.  This time he stops though, because he doesn’t want to dwell on that.  He wants to make Stefano feel loved and accepted and appreciated, and he can’t do that if he is wallowing in self-pity.

 

Sebastian reaches out his hand again and gently brushes Stefano’s hair back from his face.  Stefano’s expression is completely unreadable, but it’s not hard to imagine that it is difficult for Stefano to show something he works so hard to hide on a daily basis.  Sebastian’s thumb strokes Stefano’s cheek following the lines and ridges of scar tissue, and he feels Stefano tremble under his hand.

 

“I love you,” Sebastian says solemnly.  He leans in to kiss Stefano’s forehead.  “And that’s not going to change because of something like this.”

 

Stefano nods, still looking a little shell-shocked, although sometimes that’s just how Stefano looks when Sebastian says that he loves him.  The first time Sebastian said it, even he was caught off-guard, but he also knew immediately that it was true.  It was the same with his previous lovers.  He tends to fall hard and fast and sometimes much to the alarm of the person on the receiving end of his affections.

 

Stefano is actually handling this pretty well all things considered.  The more Sebastian comes to know him, the less he thinks that Hoffman was correct in identifying him as a true psychopath.  He does have emotions, though they often seem to end up tangled and confused.  The Stefano he knows seems to be slowly sorting out those feelings, though of course he can’t be sure where all of it will lead.

 

Sebastian does consider the possibility that Stefano will never be able to love Sebastian the way Sebastian loves him, and it hurts a little, an ache in his chest like the ones he feels for Joseph and Myra.  But at the same time, Stefano does seem to feel something for him, maybe as much as Stefano is capable of feeling, and that’s enough for now.

 

Stefano leans in to kiss him on the lips, and when they brush up against each other, Sebastian realizes that they are both still kind of sticky, and maybe it’s time to get in the shower.  Stefano is clearly thinking along the same lines, because he pulls away, gives Sebastian a smile that is still a little sad, and leads the way into the shower.

 

Their shower this morning is more business-like than usual, and Sebastian can’t tell whether he has offended Stefano or if Stefano is just lost in thought.  Regardless, he is quiet and mainly focused on washing himself, though he does lean back against Sebastian at one point when Sebastian wraps his arms around him.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian whispers in his ear as the warm water cascades over them.  He’s not even sure what he’s talking about or what Stefano is upset about, but he has to do something.  He can’t see Stefano looking so lost and not take some kind of action to reassure him.  Stefano’s hand finds his and squeezes it, and then they both go back to bathing.

 

When they emerge from the bedroom, dressed and ready for the day, Lily is on the floor of the living room with the camera and some of her stuffed animals.  Her face is screwed up in concentration, and she snaps a picture before looking up at them.

 

“Good morning!” she says brightly.  “I thought you guys were going to sleep forever.”

 

“Good morning sweetie,” Sebastian says.  “What are you up to?”

 

Stefano is already crouching down on the floor with Lily who is repositioning her stuffed animals slightly.  The two of them start talking, and Sebastian feels a tiny bit left out, because he doesn’t understand half of what they’re talking about.  He does gather that Lily seems to be trying to make a stop-motion video with her stuffed animals, and that Stefano doesn’t think there is enough space on the memory card to make anything more than a few seconds long, but other than that it all goes over his head, and he goes into the kitchen to toast some bagels for breakfast.

 

By the time Lily and Stefano have wrapped up their photo project and everyone has eaten and they are actually getting on the road, it’s almost noon, but Sebastian can’t complain, because it’s a beautiful, crisp fall day.  The leaves have gone up in their vibrant colors, and Sebastian remembers raking the leaves in their yard with Myra, remembers watching Lily jump into them, and his heart aches because he wants to have that again.

 

Stefano’s hand comes to rest on his arm then, and Sebastian glances over at Stefano, who is looking at him with some concern, and then in the rearview mirror at Lily, who is napping in the backseat, and realizes that he does have some of that again.  He does have a family, and they could have a house and a yard and celebrate holidays and birthdays and a thousand other things he’s been longing for.  Hell, the only thing stopping them from having that now is his own insistence that they keep driving all over the place.

 

He thinks back to the dream he was having before he woke up this morning, wonders why he can’t let go of Tatiana, can’t let go of Mobius, can’t seem to come down from the high intensity, fight-or-flight lifestyle that he adopted in STEM.  He didn’t want to live like that, but now it seems that he doesn’t know any other way to live.  Something has to change; that much is clear.

 

Stefano squeezes his arm.  “Are you alright?” he asks.

 

“Maybe not right this minute,” Sebastian answers, “but I think I will be.”  He pauses for a moment before he adds, “What about you?  You got really quiet this morning in the shower.”

 

“Ah, yes,” Stefano says, releasing Sebastian’s arm.  “I hope you will forgive me.  I am not accustomed to sharing my face, and I was a bit shocked that you still wanted to…be with me after that.”

 

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” Sebastian says with a smile.

 

“I suppose you did warn me about how stubborn you are,” Stefano muses.

 

“Right,” Sebastian answers.  “And to be honest, being able to see your face was part of what made this morning so nice.”

 

“Now I think you are pushing your luck,” Stefano says.  “But unfortunately we don’t have Hoffman here to do her human lie-detector test.”

 

 “You saw how…interested I was earlier when we were in bed,” Sebastian points out.  “You don’t need a lie detector to known that I’m telling the truth.”

 

Apparently, this is either a particularly convincing point or a particularly embarrassing one, because Stefano’s cheek goes pink and he looks down at his lap.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says, reaching across the console to take Stefano’s hand in his.  “You don’t have to believe me right now.  I’ll just keep telling you until you do.”

 

“I’m sure you will,” Stefano replies, giving his hand a squeeze.  Many miles later, Stefano’s hand is still in his.

 

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily bounds back to her room, looking like a child who does not need a candy bar, especially since it is approaching ten o’clock at night.
> 
> “I have such a hard time saying no to her now,” Sebastian says, sounding as though he is speaking to himself. “After everything she’s been through.” He turns to Stefano, “Are we terrible parents?”
> 
> Stefano opens his mouth to tell Sebastian that he isn’t anyone’s parent, but then closes it again.

 

 

They arrive at their hotel relatively late in the evening, but Lily is still pretty energetic, and Sebastian agrees to take her to the pool.  He invites Stefano as well, but as the hotel seems to be busy, Stefano predicts the pool will be crowded, and he would rather spend a quiet evening in the room going through his pictures.  Sebastian doesn’t give him a hard time about it, but kneels down beside the sofa to kiss him on the cheek before he leaves.

 

When Stefano is alone, he pulls out his second memory card, the one he doesn’t share with Lily or Sebastian and inserts it into the camera.  This is where he captures the images that he enjoys but that others would probably not appreciate.  None of them are anywhere near as dramatic as the sort of pictures that he created in Union or even before Union, but they still have an edge to them- death, danger, or raw human emotion.

 

Stefano hasn’t felt the urge to kill since Union, even for the creation of his art, and he doesn’t know if that part of him is still in there somewhere, doesn’t know if it was even really part of him or part of the corruption of STEM.  He knows what he finds beautiful and worthy of being captured on his camera, but he hasn’t been crafting his images and his subjects the way he did in Union.

 

He scrolls through the images to the pictures he took of Sebastian that morning and stares at them, studies them, takes them in.  He doesn’t actually enjoy seeing Sebastian in pain, and he would certainly never do anything to put him in that state, but seeing Sebastian feeling something, some kind of intense emotion or sensation, is what fascinates him.  He has never been particularly good with feelings, but Sebastian is so expressive, such an open book, that he makes a perfect subject to study.

 

Stefano wishes very much that Sebastian would allow Stefano to photograph him during sex, though he is fairly certain Sebastian is not going to agree to that.  He has seen Sebastian’s face contorted in pleasure, Sebastian’s body writhing under him, and he can only imagine how perfect it would be to have those images preserved forever, so that he could look at them any time he wanted.  So that he can look at them when Sebastian is gone.

 

Stefano sighs, because that is a sobering thought and one that he does not want to dwell on at the moment.  Sebastian will leave.  Everyone leaves.  But Sebastian really is quite unique, and Stefano is determined to enjoy his company for as long as it lasts.

 

He has gone through the images and narrowed them down to his favorites, and he is flipping through some of his other pictures just to amuse himself when he hears Sebastian and Lily in the hall, and the door swings open.

 

“How was the pool?” Stefano asks, not because he actually wants to know how the pool was, but because he is interested in how Sebastian and Lily are doing.

 

Lily, who is wrapped in a damp towel, answers, “Great!” at the same time as Sebastian says, “Crazy.”

 

Stefano raises an eyebrow, and Sebastian continues as Lily runs to her room to get a dry towel.  “There are no less than thirty children under the age of fourteen down there.  They must be some kind of sports team.”  He shakes his head.  “Lily had a great time, but it was chaos.”

 

Stefano nods, pleased with his decision to stay in the room.  It sounds like the sort of environment that would bring him nothing but aggravation.

 

Lily comes out of her room, still clad in her bathing suit and rubbing her hair with a towel.  “Can we go and get a candy bar?”

 

Sebastian looks at the clock on the microwave, makes a face that suggests that he doesn’t think this is a very good idea, but says, “Sure, but go get out of that wet bathing suit.”

 

Lily bounds back to her room, looking like a child who does not need a candy bar, especially since it is approaching ten o’clock at night.

 

“I have such a hard time saying no to her now,” Sebastian says, sounding as though he is speaking to himself.  “After everything she’s been through.”  He turns to Stefano, “Are we terrible parents?”

 

Stefano opens his mouth to tell Sebastian that he isn’t anyone’s parent, but then closes it again.  When he does speak, it is after some thought, and he carefully avoids addressing Sebastian’s question head-on.  “You have said before that she needs a normal life, and that includes rules and boundaries.”

 

Sebastian nods, and Stefano continues, “And hopefully she is going to have that kind of life in the near future.”  He gives Sebastian a pointed look, because the main thing keeping them from having that kind of life right now is that Sebastian insists that they keep moving around.  Sebastian pauses and his jaw tenses, but he nods again.

 

“In the meantime,” Stefano says, “I don’t think one candy bar is going to hurt her.”

 

Sebastian laughs at that.  “I hope not,” he says, “because I doubt I can talk her out of it now.”

 

As if on cue, Lily prances back into the living room wearing her pajamas.

 

“Ready?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes!” Lily replies eagerly.

 

“Do you want anything Stefano?” Sebastian says.

 

“Coffee,” Stefano replies, “but I’ll start making that here.”

 

“Great idea,” Sebastian says, as he opens the door and Lily darts out into the hall.  He turns around and says to Stefano, “I have a feeling we’re going to need it to keep up with her.”

 

Sebastian is probably right, as Lily so far shows no signs of settling down for the night.  As the door swings closed, Stefano rises from the sofa and heads into the kitchen to start the coffeemaker.  They did pick up some decent quality coffee the last time they were at a grocery store, so at least they aren’t limited to what the hotel provides.

 

As Stefano measures out the coffee and switches on the machine, he lets his mind wander to what he and Sebastian did last night and this morning and what other things they might do tonight.  Stefano still doesn’t understand why Sebastian won’t just take him, because Sebastian certainly deserves that much after all of his patience and kindness toward Stefano.  Stefano’s mind is more than willing, even if his body doesn’t seem to be quite ready to cooperate.

 

Last night was intriguing though.  It was a bit awkward at first, and not just because of where Sebastian was directing his attention.  Stefano isn’t used to a lover focusing on his pleasure, and certainly not used to one focusing on his pleasure exclusively.  To add to the confusion, his nerve endings felt like they were short-circuiting, unable to process such good feelings when they were anticipating pain.  But once he got over that and the novelty of the new sensation, it was exquisite- warm and wet and gentle- and he is now curious about what other ideas Sebastian might have for them.

 

He doesn’t get any farther in his thoughts, because the door opens and Lily bounds into the room, holding her candy bar up in triumph.  Stefano shakes his head, because Lily, like Sebastian, is unbridled in her emotions.  He tries to remember a time when he had so much enthusiasm for life, but the only thing that comes to mind is when he was creating his art in Union.  He is fairly certain that he wasn’t entirely himself at that time, or perhaps that is the only time he has ever been himself.

 

Sebastian’s hand touches his shoulder, jerking him out of his thoughts.  He turns sharply, and Sebastian leans in to kiss him on the forehead.

 

“How are we doing on that coffee?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano checks the display.  “A few more minutes.”

 

Lily is already on the sofa, flipping channels on the TV.

 

“Go on,” Stefano says, nodding toward the sofa.  “I’ll bring the coffee when it’s ready.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  He goes to the sofa, sinks down onto it beside Lily, and wraps an arm around her, pulling her into a hug.  Lily hugs him back and relinquishes the remote so that she can unwrap her candy.

 

Stefano has to restrain himself from rolling his eye, because Sebastian flips channels just like Lily does, but at least now it is clear where Lily gets her impulsivity from.  It makes Stefano wonder again why Sebastian is so patient with him, especially when patience is not a quality he would normally associate with Sebastian.

 

Sebastian stops on a channel that is showing an old movie, and within a few minutes the coffee is ready.  Stefano pours it into mugs and brings one to Sebastian, before sinking down onto the other side of the sofa with his own.

 

Lily has already finished her candy bar by the time he gets to the sofa, and after what seems to be about a twenty-minute sugar high, during which she asks many, many questions about the movie and changes positions on the sofa seventeen times, she abruptly falls asleep with her head on Sebastian’s lap and her feet on Stefano’s.  Sebastian and Stefano exchange looks of amusement, and Sebastian shrugs while Stefano pulls a blanket from the back of the sofa and drapes it over her.

 

They watch the movie in companionable silence for several more minutes, sipping their coffee.  Finally, when Stefano’s mug is empty, he suggests, “Would you like to continue this in the other room?”

 

“Thought you’d never ask,” Sebastian answers, flashing him a smile.  “Let me put Lily to bed, and I’ll meet you in there.”

 

Sebastian gathers up Lily in his arms, while Stefano turns off the TV and takes the mugs into the kitchen.  As he makes his way to the bedroom, flutters of anxiety are stirring inside him, because Sebastian will surely be expecting something from him this time, and he doesn’t want to disappoint Sebastian.  The more rational part of his brain tries to remind him that this is Sebastian, and Sebastian probably isn’t actually expecting anything and will be happy as long as he can be close to Stefano.  The rational part of his brain, which is starting to sound more and more like Sebastian himself, wins out, though some of the anxiety is still there simply because he doesn’t know what Sebastian will want to do.

 

He changes into his pajama pants, deciding to remain shirtless and just dive under the covers to try to start generating some body heat of his own.  Sebastian will be along soon, and he will certainly be warm enough for both of them.  The very thought of being warm and naked under the covers with Sebastian is already changing those flutters of anxiety to excitement, and Stefano’s hand skims down the front of his body, palms his cock through his pajama pants, and begins to rub in slow, lazy circles.

 

Stefano lets his legs fall open as he starts to get hard and his motions become more up and down, and soon his hand is dipping under the waistband of his pants to wrap around his cock, squeezing gently before taking up a slow stroking rhythm.  The pleasure and warmth is pooling in his belly, his breathing is becoming harsh, and his hips are pressing up off the bed to meet each stroke when he hears Sebastian clear his throat.  Stefano freezes, and his eye flies open.

 

Sebastian is standing in the doorway, eyes wide and slightly glazed with lust.  One of his hands is pressed to the front of his own pants.  “Don’t stop on my account,” he says, voice deep and husky.

 

“Come here,” Stefano says, his voice sounding much steadier than he feels on the inside.  Sebastian enters the room fully, closing the door behind him, and crosses to the bed.  He is still staring at Stefano, and the look in his eyes is positively predatory.

 

Stefano is right on the line between excitement and fear, because he is lying on his back, and Sebastian is standing over him, and normally that would be terrifying, but Stefano can see Sebastian’s intentions so clearly in his eyes, can see how much Sebastian wants him, and Sebastian has always been so perfectly caring and controlled.

 

Sebastian moves slowly, as though he is aware that he is pushing Stefano’s boundaries a little.  He lies down on the bed beside Stefano, propped up on one elbow and grasps the sheet in his other hand, drawing it down Stefano’s body to his waist.  Sebastian’s eyes are locked on his the entire time, and Stefano can tell that Sebastian is assessing his face for any sign of hesitation, but the overall effect of Sebastian staring at him so intently is that by the time Sebastian brings his hand back up to Stefano’s chest, Stefano is trembling in anticipation of being touched.

 

When Sebastian presses a hand over Stefano’s heart, Stefano lets out a sigh of relief.  Sebastian smiles and leans in to kiss him, and Sebastian’s mouth is warm and tastes of coffee, and Sebastian’s facial hair is tickling him, but that is forgotten when Sebastian’s hand shifts around his hip to grab a handful of his ass.  Stefano gasps, and Sebastian takes the opportunity to thrust his tongue into Stefano’s mouth.

 

Stefano feels his heart accelerating, feels his cock getting harder if that is even possible at this point, because this is a different side of Sebastian.  This is a Sebastian who sees Stefano as his lover, who is a little rougher and more confident in the way he touches Stefano, who will take control of his body in ways that will please both of them.  It makes him think again of what it is going to be like to be taken by Sebastian, and his hips press forward against Sebastian’s body and his head swims with a rush of dizzying lust.

 

Sebastian groans into his mouth and rolls over onto him, one of his legs between Stefano’s, grinding down against him as his tongue continues to thrust rhythmically against Stefano’s.  Stefano’s heart leaps into his throat, because this is sudden and rough, and Sebastian is pressing him hard into the mattress, and Sebastian can overpower him so easily, but Sebastian’s body on top of his is also warm and comforting and the pressure on his cock is so welcome, that Stefano just freezes, unable to sort through the jumble of emotions he is feeling.

 

Sebastian immediately rolls off of him, breaking the kiss to look into his face, eyes wide with shock.  “Fuck,” he groans.  “I’m so sorry Stefano.”

 

“Don’t,” Stefano reaches out to place his hand on the back of Sebastian’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss.  “That wasn’t entirely bad.  I’m actually not sure what that was.”

 

“I’m still sorry,” Sebastian says, resting his forehead against Stefano’s.  “I should have known better than to lie on you like that.”

 

“It actually felt rather nice,” Stefano admits.  “I think I was just a bit startled because it happened so quickly.”

 

“That’s understandable,” Sebastian says gently, his hand cupping Stefano’s cheek as he leans in to kiss him again.

 

Stefano tries to organize his thoughts.  While having Sebastian on top of him didn’t trigger a complete memory of the dungeon, it did evoke the same feeling of vulnerability.  At the same time, it feels like allowing himself to be vulnerable to Sebastian may still be a safe thing to do, may be a little exciting actually, because Sebastian is so careful with him.  He runs his hand up Sebastian’s back.  “Can we try it again?  Perhaps a little slower this time.”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian says with a smile.  “As slowly as you want.”  Sebastian starts to slide his hand down Stefano’s body in an exaggerated version of slow-motion, and Stefano lets out a snort of laughter, grabs Sebastian’s hand, and places it on his ass again.  He wraps his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders and rolls onto his back, taking Sebastian with him.  Even then, Sebastian is supporting some of his weight on one of his forearms, so he isn’t pressing down quite so hard on Stefano.

 

Sebastian pauses, clearly waiting to see Stefano’s reaction to this new arrangement.  It feels different, but not too different.  Stefano has been very enjoyably pressed up against Sebastian before in several other positions, and for some reason, having Sebastian lie one top of him feels less like being restrained and more like being secure.  Sebastian isn’t immobilizing him so that he can do something unpleasant; he is protecting and comforting and putting pressure on some parts of Stefano that desperately need attention.

 

When he is sure that he isn’t about to have another panic attack, Stefano lets his hands drift down to Sebastian’s ass which he grabs, pulling Sebastian’s body against his.  Sebastian gasps, slipping his hands under Stefano’s shoulders and leaning down to lightly drag his teeth along Stefano’s neck as he shifts his weight, rubbing his leg up against Stefano’s erection.  Stefano makes a high, breathy noise that is a little embarrassing, but Sebastian’s mouth and Sebastian’s body feel so nice, and he needs more.

 

Stefano tightens his grip, urging Sebastian on, and Sebastian obliges, pressing down harder against Stefano’s cock, straining up through his pajama pants, and biting down on the juncture of his neck and shoulder, which sends a white-hot jolt of pleasure racing straight to his cock.

 

“Sebastian!” Stefano moans, thrusting up against Sebastian’s body, spreading his legs so that Sebastian is lying in between them, so that there is nothing to obstruct Sebastian from resting his full weight on Stefano’s aching cock and rolling his hips slowly against it.

 

Stefano doesn’t care how wanton or desperate he might seem in that moment.  Rubbing up against Sebastian just feels so good.  Then Sebastian’s mouth is next to his ear.

 

“I want to suck you off,” growls Sebastian, and Stefano almost comes on the spot, because Sebastian can be so vulgar when he’s talking about this sort of thing.

 

“Please,” Stefano gasps, still squirming under Sebastian, trying to increase the friction between their bodies.

 

Sebastian sits up on his knees between Stefano’s legs, and it does bring a moment of fear to have Sebastian looming over him like that, but Stefano tells himself that this is okay, that he knows exactly what Sebastian is going to do because Sebastian just told him.  Some of that fear must be showing on his face though, because Sebastian pauses to rub his thighs soothingly.

 

“Everything okay?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, noting that his cock seems to still be interested as well, because it is still achingly hard, and it is a tremendous relief when Sebastian’s hands slide farther up and he give Stefano a firm squeeze through his pants.  Then Stefano is moaning and writhing and trying to fight his way out of his pajama pants, and Sebastian is helping him, scooting back to pull them off and toss them aside.

 

Stefano knows he should be more concerned with the fact that he is naked, but all he can think about is how Sebastian is carefully leaning over him, wrapping one arm around Stefano’s waist so that his hand rests at the small of his back, how Sebastian is taking his cock in the other hand, how Sebastian’s mouth is descending on him.  He feels Sebastian’s breath tickling the head of his cock, shivers, and then lets his head fall back onto the pillow as he waits.

 

Sebastian seems to be in a teasing sort of mood, because he delivers a few slow, gentle licks and a few more puffs of air, and Stefano is whining in frustration by the time he actually gets to work.  He slides his hand down Stefano’s cock, gently rolling down his foreskin, and then his mouth is closing over the head, hot and wet and perfect, and it takes every ounce of Stefano’s self-control not to grab Sebastian’s head and force his cock deeper into Sebastian’s mouth.  Sebastian would probably let him too, but Stefano still feels like that would be inexcusably rude.

 

At least Sebastian isn’t teasing anymore, and his lips and tongue are gripping Stefano’s cock beautifully, and Stefano groans out loud as Sebastian takes him in deeply, letting the tip of Stefano’s cock touch the back of his throat.  He slides his mouth back up slowly, dragging his tongue along some wonderfully sensitive places as he goes.

 

Stefano realizes that his forearms are shaking, then realizes that this is probably because he has a death grip on the sheets on either side of him.  He releases them, relaxes his arms, and lets one of his hands move to the back of Sebastian’s head, tangling in his hair.  Sebastian hums in approval and continues sucking him enthusiastically, and soon Stefano’s hips are leaving the bed each time Sebastian takes him in so deeply, and his pleasure is rising higher and higher, and Sebastian’s lips and tongue and throat are producing the most lovely sensations all over his cock, and his muscles are going rigid as Sebastian sucks him in deeply one more time, and he is there, spending himself into Sebastian’s mouth as he moans Sebastian’s name and grips Sebastian’s hair tightly.

 

When Stefano comes back to himself a few moments later, Sebastian is resting his face on his thigh, breathing a little hard himself.  Stefano ruffles his hair, letting his fingernails dig in a little and scratch Sebastian’s head.

 

“Mmmm,” Sebastian practically purrs.  “That’s nice.”

 

“Not nearly as nice as what you just did for me,” Stefano says.  “Thank you.”

 

“My pleasure,” Sebastian says.  He shifts over to one side of Stefano, and crawls up until he is lying next to him, one hand lazily rubbing circles on his chest.  It is not nearly enough contact for Stefano who still feels warm and fuzzy from his orgasm and wants to be completely surrounded by Sebastian.  Stefano turns toward him, burying his face in Sebastian’s neck and throwing one arm and one leg over him so that he can pull himself even closer.  Sebastian wraps his arms around Stefano as well, rubbing his back and leaning down to place a kiss near Stefano’s temple.

 

Stefano is attempting to snuggle even closer to Sebastian when he realizes that Sebastian is still fully clothed, which is a terrible shame.  “Why are you wearing so many clothes?” Stefano asks with a frustrated huff, as he tugs at Sebastian’s shirt.

 

“I hadn’t really thought about that,” Sebastian answers, pulling back to help Stefano pull his shirt over his head.  “I guess I got a little distracted.”

 

Working together, they have Sebastian naked in just a few minutes, and Stefano drapes himself over him again, relishing the sensation of skin on skin and the warmth of Sebastian’s body, and the way Sebastian’s hands are progressing from light, teasing caresses to firmer strokes.  It doesn’t take long before Stefano is starting to feel the first stirrings of arousal again.

 

“What do you want to do now?” Sebastian asks, as his fingers flex on Stefano’s hips.

 

“You know what I want to do,” Stefano answers, reaching up to kiss Sebastian.  “The question is, how much of that are you willing to give me tonight?”

 

Sebastian smiles.  “Maybe not everything,” he says running his palm up and down Stefano’s back.  “But I do have an idea.”

 

“You and your ideas,” Stefano scoffs.  Despite his sarcastic tone, his heart is already beating faster thinking about Sebastian’s ‘ideas’.

 

“What’s wrong with my ideas?” Sebastian asks.  “You seemed to enjoy the last one.”

 

“Very much,” Stefano replies.  “And I’m sure this one will be equally pleasant.  I am simply not used to all of these… alternative activities.”  Stefano isn’t entirely sure how to explain this adequately, but his memories of intimacy, foggy as they are, are simply of sex, or at least, what he would have defined as sex before he met Sebastian.  Sex for Sebastian seems to encompass all of this kissing and touching and licking, and all of those things are wonderful, but Stefano had no idea there were so many ways to be intimate with another person.

 

Sebastian’s arms tighten around Stefano, and he leans down to kiss him again.  “We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

 

“It’s not that,” Stefano replies.  “It’s as though I am re-learning something I thought I already knew.”  He raises his head to look into Sebastian’s eyes.  “Please, teach me.”

 

“Gladly,” Sebastian says.  “Are you nice and relaxed?”

 

Stefano considers that for a moment, lets himself go limp on Sebastian’s body and finds that in the afterglow of his orgasm, he is very relaxed and a little sleepy, though Sebastian’s roaming hands are quickly drawing his interest.  “Yes,” he replies.

 

Sebastian’s hands immediately slide down to grab his ass, urging Stefano to shift so that he is lying fully on top of Sebastian, and give him a firm squeeze that causes Stefano to press himself down onto Sebastian’s body.  His legs come to rest on either side of Sebastian’s waist, and Sebastian’s fingers are beginning to dip down further between his cheeks, his touch light and teasing once again.

 

“Is it okay to touch you here?” Sebastian murmurs next to his ear, and his fingers stop moving as he waits for an answer.

 

Stefano takes a deep breath, but says, “Yes.”  The idea scares him a little, but after what Sebastian did last night and how good everything felt, Stefano is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.  Besides, he is so relaxed and content from his last climax that he can’t seem to feel particularly worried about anything at the moment.

 

“Can you reach the lube?” is Sebastian’s next question, and Stefano props himself up on one arm and reaches over to retrieve the bottle of lubricant that Sebastian has conveniently placed on the bedside table.  He hands the bottle to Sebastian, trying his best to keep his hand from shaking, or at least, to control it enough that Sebastian won’t notice.

 

Apparently he is not entirely successful, because as he is pouring some lubricant onto his fingers, Sebastian says, “It’s alright.  I’m going to stay on the outside for right now.  It just feels better if things are a little slippery.”  Sebastian flashes him a reassuring smile before his hand moves out of Stefano’s range of vision.

 

Even though he is expecting it, the first brush of Sebastian’s fingers across his opening makes him jump, jerking away from Sebastian’s hand.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly.

 

“Don’t be,” Sebastian says quietly.  “We’re trying something new.  Just let me know if we need to slow down or stop or try something else.”

 

Stefano nods, and then Sebastian’s other hand is splayed across the small of his back, steadying him as Sebastian’s fingers lightly touch his opening again.  He tenses.  It doesn’t feel bad exactly, but all of his memories of being touched here are painful, and he stays frozen, holding his breath, waiting for that pain to start.

 

“Stefano.”  Sebastian’s voice is right next to his ear, and he can feel Sebastian’s warm breath on the side of his face.  “I’m not going to hurt you.  Just relax and breathe.”

 

Sebastian’s voice brings Stefano back to himself, makes him realize that this isn’t one of those other times, and he lets out his breath in a rush before breathing in again.

 

“That’s better,” Sebastian says encouragingly.  “Just like that.  Focus on breathing.”

 

Stefano takes a few more deep breaths, resting his head on Sebastian’s chest as he does so, and soon Sebastian’s hand is on him again, fingers trailing between his cheeks.  Stefano focuses on his breaths, trying to consciously relax, and this time when Sebastian’s fingertips brush his opening, he shivers, but doesn’t tense up or jerk away.

 

“There you go,” Sebastian murmurs, as his fingers sweep back and forth.  “You’re doing great.”  His fingers are slick with lube and exerting almost no pressure, and Stefano starts to relax a little more as he realizes that Sebastian meant what he said about staying outside.

 

“Am I talking too much?” Sebastian asks, letting his fingers continue to slide up and down between Stefano’s cheeks.

 

“Not at all,” Stefano replies.  “I prefer that you talk actually.  It helps me stay focused.”

 

“Yeah, you said that before,” Sebastian says.  “Just wasn’t sure if it still applied.”

 

“It does,” Stefano says, sighing deeply and letting his weight rest on Sebastian as he relaxes fully.  Sebastian’s voice is wonderfully grounding.  He remembers it from when Sebastian was helping him in the dungeon the first time, and since then it has always been linked in his mind to safety and comfort.

 

“Alright then,” Sebastian says.  “Just a little more rubbing now.  Still staying on the outside.”

 

Stefano takes a deep breath as Sebastian’s fingers shift, focusing on his opening and rubbing slow circles around it.  The pressure is still very light, but it feels much more intense, because Sebastian’s fingers are warm and slick and rubbing up against so many nerve endings that Stefano finds himself trembling just from the overload of sensation.

 

“Doing alright?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano answers quickly.  “Just sensitive.”

 

“That’s fine,” Sebastian answers.  “It takes some getting used to.”  His fingers continue to explore, sometimes moving in circles, sometimes back and forth, but always very gentle, and the more Sebastian touches him, the more Stefano relaxes and accepts what he is feeling.  It is a little strange at the beginning, but it definitely doesn’t hurt, and soon it is actually starting to send little tendrils of pleasure curling up Stefano’s spine.  The feeling is nice, but not enough by itself, and after a few minutes of Sebastian’s careful rubbing and murmured reassurances, Stefano is starting to want more.

 

“Sebastian, please,” he gasps.  “I want… I need to feel you inside me.”  His face feels hot, and he is sure that he is blushing vividly, even though it makes no sense to be embarrassed about anything considering where Sebastian’s fingers are right now.

 

Sebastian gives him a squeeze with the arm that is still wrapped around his back and leans down to kiss the top of his head.  “Okay,” he says, “but I can’t do that from this angle.  How do you feel about turning over?”

 

Stefano ponders that for a moment, but realizes that he actually feels better about it than he has in quite a while.  “I think I can do that,” he answers.

 

Sebastian moves his hands away, allowing Stefano to roll off of him.  There is a stab of fear that comes from lying on his back naked, because this position feels familiar for all the wrong reasons, but he pauses and breathes and remembers just a few minutes ago when he lay like this while his cock was engulfed in Sebastian’s mouth.  That thought calms him, helps him remember that he is not going to be hurt this time.

 

Sebastian scoots over to lie next to him on his side, propped up on one elbow.  He applies more lube to his fingers, and Stefano almost laughs at how serious his expression is, how hard he is concentrating.  Then Sebastian’s other hand is sliding behind him to cradle his head, and Sebastian is leaning down to kiss him, nibbling on his lower lip before pulling back to look at him.  Sebastian doesn’t even have to ask the question, because Stefano can read it clearly in his face.

 

“I’m ready,” he says with much more confidence than he actually feels.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  “We’ll start nice and slow.”  He moves his hand down Stefano’s body, reaching between his legs, and Stefano is a little surprised himself when his legs part willingly, almost of their own accord, to accommodate Sebastian.  He can feel his heart beating faster, can almost hear the blood pounding in his veins, as Sebastian’s slick finger touches his opening again.  Still, it is not demanding entry, merely stroking, and then Sebastian’s voice is in his ear.

 

“Just relax,” Sebastian murmurs.  “You’re safe with me.”  And Stefano does feel safe.  This is all new and different and thrilling in a way, but he doesn’t feel like he is in actual danger, doesn’t feel like he is about to be hurt.

 

Sebastian’s finger is moving now, smearing lubricant across his opening before returning to rubbing small, focused circles around it.  The pressure increases a little more each time, but it still feels very different from the time with Theodore’s men and from the other times somewhere deep in his memory.  Sebastian is asking to enter his body, not forcing his way into it.

 

“Breathe,” Sebastian reminds him, and Stefano does.  He draws a deep breath in and then exhales, letting all of the tension leave his body, and as he relaxes and Sebastian continues to rub his opening with the pad of his finger, he feels just the tip of Sebastian’s finger slip inside.  It doesn’t hurt, but it is surprising, and Stefano’s muscles clench tightly before he even realizes what is happening.  Sebastian’s finger slips out and goes back to rubbing its small circles.

 

“Why did you stop?” Stefano asks between the breaths he is taking to try to calm down and relax again.  “I can take it.”

 

The smile Sebastian gives him then is almost sad.  “I don’t want you to take it,” he sighs.  “I want you to enjoy it.  Are you sure this isn’t too much right now?”

 

“I am sure,” Stefano replies.  “I just wasn’t expecting that quite at that moment.”

 

“Neither was I,” Sebastian says.  “You just got so relaxed for a second, and it just sort of happened.”

 

“Can we try again?” Stefano asks.  “I think I can stay more relaxed this time.”  Now that he has some idea of what to expect, this endeavor seems much more manageable.

 

“Sure,” Sebastian says.  “Anything else I can do?”

 

“Keep talking to me, please,” Stefano says, because Sebastian’s voice really is the thing that is keeping him the most anchored in the moment, the thing that keeps him from slipping back into his memories.

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says.  “Just take a few more deep breaths and think about relaxing all over.”  Stefano does, and it is surprisingly easy this time.  Sebastian’s finger is still rubbing his opening, increasing its pressure little by little.

 

“That’s it.  I’ve got you,” Sebastian says.  “One more deep breath, and we’ll try again.”

 

Stefano nods and closes his eye and inhales.  When he breathes out, he concentrates on relaxing completely, and the pressure from Sebastian’s finger increases just a bit, and the tip is sliding easily inside him.

 

“Breathe,” Sebastian reminds him.  “You’re alright.  Just breathe and focus on what you’re feeling.”  Stefano breathes and tries to relax, and Sebastian’s finger slides in a little farther.  This is not somewhere that he is used to being touched, and certainly not touched gently, and it feels foreign and intimate but not bad.

 

“Doing okay?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano nods, because he isn’t sure what kind of noises are going to come out if he actually opens his mouth.

 

“Everything’s fine,” Sebastian soothes as his finger advances a bit more.  “I’m going to take care of you.”

 

Stefano has become so focused on Sebastian’s finger inside him that when Sebastian presses a kiss to his collarbone, it catches him by surprise and his eye flies open.

 

Sebastian smiles at him.  “You’re doing so well.  Don’t worry, we’re almost at the really good part.”

 

Stefano opens his mouth to ask Sebastian what on earth he’s talking about when Sebastian’s finger slides a little further in and brushes against a place inside him that feels like it is directly connected to his cock.  The sensation is so intense that Stefano’s hips twitch and he lets out an embarrassing sort of yelp.

 

“There you go,” Sebastian says softly.  “Now just relax.  Let me make you feel good.”

 

Sebastian’s finger begins to rub back and forth over that spot, and for a second it does feel like it’s going to be too much.  Stefano turns his face into Sebastian’s arm, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath that is almost a sob, because that place is so sensitive and so delicate, and Sebastian’s finger is so deep inside him that he feels like one wrong move on Sebastian’s part will shatter him.

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian murmurs, kissing him on the forehead.  “I know it feels like a lot right now, but stay with me.  Once you get used to it, it’s really nice.”

 

Stefano nods, whining as Sebastian’s finger probes deeper, rubbing gently over that sensitive spot and setting off little flashes of light behind his eyelid.  The jolts of pleasure that he gets each time Sebastian touches him there are intense, and before he knows it his cock is starting to get hard again.

 

Stefano is beginning to feel aroused and warm all over, and Sebastian’s strokes are getting firmer, and that spot inside of him is feeling better and better.  His hips are pressing up off the bed now with every movement of Sebastian’s finger, and he throws one of his legs over Sebastian’s so that he can spread his legs wider, give Sebastian even more access to his body as he arches up off the bed.

 

True to his word, Sebastian is still talking, but it’s mostly nonsense now, just kind, soothing words that wash over Stefano, making him feel so content and secure and allowing him to focus on the pleasure that Sebastian is giving him.  Sebastian’s hand is still cradling his head, and Sebastian’s body is warm against his, and Sebastian’s finger is doing the most perfect things inside him.  His cock lies on his belly, fully hard and leaking now, and everything just feels so unbelievably good.

 

He is vaguely aware of Sebastian asking him something, and he makes some sort of affirmative noise, because anything Sebastian suggests seems like a fantastic idea right now.  Then Sebastian is shifting further down his body, and Sebastian’s mouth is suddenly wrapped around his cock, warm and wet and sucking him vigorously just as Sebastian’s finger presses hard into that sensitive place, and there’s a rushing sound in his ears and he literally sees stars as he comes.  His head is spinning and the waves of pleasure are hitting him over and over again, but Sebastian’s finger and Sebastian’s mouth never falter, keep him steady through the whirlwind of sensations, continue to stroke and suck and please him until he is utterly spent, gasping for air and trembling through the aftershocks.

 

Then Sebastian’s mouth is releasing him, and Sebastian’s finger is sliding effortlessly from his body, and Sebastian is planting a kiss on his belly.

 

“My god, Sebastian,” Stefano says between harsh breaths.

 

“I know,” Sebastian replies, his voice sounding strained as well.  “I…holy shit, Stefano I wish you could see yourself right now.”

 

Stefano opens his eye and raises his head a little, and he doesn’t have to see himself to know what Sebastian is talking about, because the way Sebastian is looking at him, the potent blend of adoration and lust in Sebastian’s eyes, tells him everything.

 

Stefano lets his head drop back onto the pillow, feeling utterly drained.  He isn’t sure whether it’s the long day in the car or climaxing twice in such rapid succession, but he is already dozing off when he hears Sebastian say, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

 

Thankfully, Sebastian seems to be willing to handle most of the clean-up himself, because Stefano is only half-awake as Sebastian carefully rubs him down with a damp washcloth, then dries him and helps him back into his pajama pants.  Sebastian pulls the covers up around him, and when Stefano finally stops fighting to stay awake and lets himself drift off, he is surrounded by warmth and comfort and Sebastian.

 

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is trying to be calm and rational. He really is, but Stefano does not understand, does not appreciate the danger, and his casual approach to their safety is way more likely to get them killed than Sebastian’s methods. But he’s already explained that to Stefano. He’s explained it a thousand times, and Stefano is just not fucking getting it and anger is building up- a hot, tight feeling in his chest.
> 
> “God damn it, Stefano!” He slams his fist down on the hood of the SUV, feels it give way and dent under the blow.

 

 

Sebastian knows something is wrong the second he wakes up.  This time there is no dream, no headache, nothing out of the ordinary.  Stefano is wrapped around him in his usual warm and subconsciously affectionate way, and Sebastian doesn’t hear a peep from Lily, but there is an undercurrent of unease, like a prickle of static in the back of his mind, and he cannot rest any longer.

 

He carefully extricates himself from Stefano’s arms and slides out from under the blankets, pulling on a pair of pajama pants and creeping barefoot to the door.  He slips out without waking Stefano, peeks into Lily’s room to confirm that she is still sleeping peacefully, and moves into the living room, scanning the environment for any sign of danger.

 

The room looks exactly the way they left it last night- well, almost exactly.  Sebastian approaches the door, eying it suspiciously.  The deadbolt and privacy latch are still engaged, but isn’t the handle on the deadbolt not turned quite as far as it was when he went to bed?  Sebastian thinks hard, because they’ve stayed in a lot of hotel rooms recently and maybe he’s just remembering one of the other ones, but he is almost certain that something looks different, almost as if someone tried to door or tested the lock, and the thought makes his blood run cold.

 

Lily and Stefano are the two most precious things to him in this world- the only things left that matter to him at all anymore, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to let anyone hurt them.  He is going to protect them, no matter how far he has to-

 

An arm wraps around his waist and he practically jumps out of his skin, pivoting in place and drawing back his arm for a disabling strike.  But it’s Stefano who is springing away from him, blinking in surprise.

 

“Sebastian?” Stefano says cautiously.  His hands are raised, palms facing Sebastian, and he takes two more slow steps backward as Sebastian struggles to collect himself.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian says finally, extending a hand to Stefano, who takes it in his and gives it a reassuring squeeze.  “I just…someone’s been here.”  He turns and gestures toward the door.

 

Behind him, Stefano sighs audibly, and Stefano’s arms wrap around his waist from behind as Stefano presses his face into the back of Sebastian’s bare shoulder.  “It looks just as it did when we went to bed,” Stefano says, and Sebastian can hear the tension in his voice, the way Stefano is struggling to keep his tone mild.  “No one has been here.”

 

Maybe it’s his years of law enforcement experience, but Sebastian has an eye for details.  He doesn’t see why Stefano would lie to him about something like this, so maybe the change is just too subtle for Stefano to notice.  Rather than argue with Stefano, Sebastian turns around in his arms and embraces him, letting his forehead come to rest against Stefano’s.

 

“I am never going to lose you or Lily again,” Sebastian murmurs, because that’s really all Stefano needs to know to understand why Sebastian has to do what he does, why he can’t relax, and why they can’t slow down.

 

“No, I’m sure you won’t,” Stefano agrees, “but you are going to lose yourself if you are not careful.  You are going to lose the Sebastian from before all of this happened, the one who spent time with his family and enjoyed his life.”

 

“The one who couldn’t protect his family from Mobius,” Sebastian adds, sighing deeply as he holds Stefano close.  He was weak then.  He was weak and stupid and that made him and his family an easy target.  Never again.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says firmly.  “Mobius is…Mobius was a force of nature, unpredictable and devastating, and there is nothing you could have done to change what happened.”

 

Sebastian can think of at least a dozen things he could have done to change what happened to his family, the simplest being that he could have believed Myra when she tried to tell him what was happening.  It’s too late for that now, too late for any of those things.  It’s too late for Myra and too late for Joseph and so many others, but it’s not too late for Lily and Stefano and Sebastian himself.

 

Stefano clearly isn’t going to be able to understand this though, much the same way that Sebastian doesn’t understand Stefano and Lily’s art projects, and whoever was here before is gone now, so Sebastian lets the subject drop for the moment.

 

“I’m going to take a shower,” he says, tilting his face to kiss Stefano on the forehead.  “Could you maybe get some coffee started?”

 

“With pleasure,” Stefano replies, and his arms tighten briefly around Sebastian before he releases him and goes into the kitchen.

 

Sebastian heads down the hall, taking one more look at Lily, just to reassure himself that she is here and she is safe, before he goes to his and Stefano’s bathroom to start the shower.  He moves quickly through his morning routine, because the feeling of unease is still twisting his stomach into knots, and he doesn’t want to leave Lily and Stefano unattended for one second more than he absolutely has to.

 

Sebastian has just finished dressing when Stefano enters the bedroom with two mugs of coffee.  He hands one to Sebastian and sits down on the bed, taking a long drink from his own mug.  Sebastian is looking over Stefano’s shoulder at the door.

 

“Lily?” he asks.

 

“She is still sleeping,” Stefano replies smoothly.  “No one is here except the three of us.”

 

Sebastian isn’t entirely convinced, but he takes a seat on the bed next to Stefano and drinks his coffee.  He is mentally working through some ideas about how to improve their security when Stefano clears his throat awkwardly and looks down into his mug.

 

“I don’t believe I was able to properly thank you for last night,” Stefano says quietly.

 

Thoughts of last night spread through Sebastian’s body with a warmth that rivals the effect of the hot coffee- Stefano so open and vulnerable and trusting, Stefano whining and squirming under his hands and his mouth, Stefano’s body gripping his finger so tightly.  Despite all of the stress of this morning, he finds himself smiling at Stefano, who is apparently still fascinated by his coffee mug.

 

“That’s alright,” Sebastian replies warmly.  “I don’t think you were up to doing much of anything at that point.  Besides, getting to see you like that was all the thanks I need.”

 

“But you didn’t…” Stefano gestures to Sebastian’s lap, and his cheek is tinged with pink.

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says quickly as he realizes what Stefano is talking about.  It’s not something that has really been on his mind, but he supposes that a couple of their recent sessions have been more focused on Stefano than him.  “That’s alright,” he says.  “I really was just enjoying watching you and touching you.”

 

“And you were doing an exceptional job of that,” Stefano says, glancing up at him with an expression that is almost shy.

 

Sebastian smiles, because of course it makes sense that Stefano would want to talk about last night.  He was too wiped out after his second climax to talk then, but he is probably still having some confusing thoughts and feelings.  Sebastian places a hand on his shoulder, and Stefano leans into him.

 

“Did you feel okay about everything last night?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes, “it was quite pleasurable- not at all what I was expecting.”

 

Sebastian is afraid to ask Stefano what he was expecting, because it was probably something terribly unpleasant.  He is touched, not for the first time, by Stefano’s trust in him.  Even though his previous experiences have not been enjoyable, he has been willing to try things with Sebastian, and he has been relaxed and open and honest about his feelings.

 

“You’ve been so brave,” Sebastian murmurs, turning his head to kiss Stefano’s forehead.  “I know none of this is easy, but thank you so much for giving me a chance.”

 

“If it is all going to feel as good as last night, you can have as many chances as you like,” Stefano says.

 

That makes Sebastian smile again even though he knows Stefano can’t see him.  “Has no one ever done that for you?”

 

“Not like that,” Stefano replies.  “But you have done many things that are unusual for me.”

 

“And that’s another reason to take our time,” Sebastian says, holding Stefano’s body against him with one arm and raising his coffee mug to his lips with other.  After he swallows, he adds, “To try all of those things and figure out what you like.”

 

“Well then, you are welcome to experiment on me anytime,” Stefano says.

 

Sebastian chuckles.  “I’m not experimenting on you.  I’m experimenting with you.  At least, that’s what I hope.”  He pauses.  “You’re not sore or anything today, are you?”  Sebastian is sure that he was very gentle with Stefano last night, but even so, if it’s an area where Stefano isn’t used to being touched, he might have some lingering impressions.

 

“No,” Stefano says, and Sebastian draws back a little to see that he is blushing again, “Not at all.”  He pauses, then looks into Sebastian’s face, his expression serious.  “What about you, Sebastian?  You seem a bit on-edge this morning.”

 

“I just have a bad feeling about today,” Sebastian says with a frown.  “Something’s wrong.  I just can’t put my finger on what it is.”

 

Since they got out of STEM, there have been good days and bad days, days where he is looking over his shoulder at every turn, waiting for Mobius to pop out of the shadows like the boogeyman, and days when he can almost convince himself that he is just on a road trip with his new family.  The only time that he is consistently able to relax and shut out all of his worries and fears is when he is in the bedroom with Stefano.

 

Unfortunately, Stefano doesn’t seem to appreciate the danger they are in, or the consequences for all of them if Mobius catches up, or how far Sebastian is willing to go to protect his family.  He knows that Stefano is skeptical about Mobius and suspects at times that Stefano must think he is going crazy, but god damn it, there is just no room for error here.  The cost of being wrong about this would be too great.

 

Stefano interrupts his thoughts with a hand on his knee, though he doesn’t speak.  Maybe Stefano has run out of words to try to convince him that he is being paranoid.

 

“I’ll be okay,” he says, forcing a smile.  He can tell that it doesn’t fool Stefano, and Stefano begins to speak, but just at that moment Lily’s door opens and she steps sleepily out into the hallway.  Her face lights up when she sees both of them seated on the bed, and she bounds over to squeeze in between them.

 

“Good morning,” Sebastian says, ruffling her hair.

 

In another hour they’ve managed to get cleaned up and stop off at the continental breakfast.  They gather their belongings and head out to the SUV, where Sebastian takes note of an older man sitting in his idling pick-up truck and a hotel employee smoking beside the dumpsters.  Neither one of them looks particularly threatening, but Sebastian keeps them in sight as he loads the SUV and drives a few circles around a nearby business park to make sure that they are not being followed.  Stefano and Lily, who apparently have grown used to this sort of thing, make no comment.

 

He spots the black car about two hours later.  It’s a few cars back, not right behind them, but of course it wouldn’t be directly behind them.  Anyone who knows anything about following someone in a vehicle knows that it is less conspicuous to be a few cars back.  It is maintaining its distance behind them though, and that doesn’t change when Sebastian speeds up or slows down or switches lanes.  Sebastian keeps track of it by glancing in the rearview mirror, until Stefano catches him doing it.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, a note of warning in his voice.

 

“I know,” Sebastian snaps, because he does know the exact lecture that Stefano is about to give him.  “I’m just being careful.”

 

Stefano glances back at Lily, who, Sebastian can see in the rearview mirror, is watching them intently, and sighs, but doesn’t deliver the lecture Sebastian was expecting.

 

Sebastian goes back to monitoring the black car in the mirror, and it stays in basically the same place behind them for another twenty miles or so.  There is a split coming up in the interstate, and Sebastian waits until the lanes are diverging to merge over two lanes to take the smaller branch of the highway.  The black car follows.

 

“Shit,” Sebastian swears as he glances at the mirror again.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, placing a hand on his arm this time.

 

Sebastian shakes it off.  “Not now, Stefano,” he says through gritted teeth.

 

“Pull over, Sebastian.”  Stefano’s voice is low and deadly serious, and he keeps darting his eye toward the backseat, where Lily is starting to nod off.  “Pull over before you do something stupid.”

 

Sebastian shakes his head.  Stefano doesn’t understand, couldn’t possibly understand.  Stefano has never had to look out for anyone but himself, has probably never wanted to look out for anyone but himself, and he doesn’t know what it’s like to be responsible for someone else’s safety, doesn’t know the crushing weight of guilt Sebastian feels because he has already failed in that responsibility.  He has failed so many times and lost so much, and it is not going to happen again.

 

He takes a quick look in the rearview mirror at the black car, gauges the distance to the next exit ramp, which they are rapidly approaching, and takes a firm grip on the steering wheel.  In the next seconds, time slows down for Sebastian, so he doesn’t worry about getting in an accident as he yanks the wheel and swerves across four lanes of traffic toward the exit ramp.  Horns are blaring, and tires are squealing, and Lily is shrieking, and Stefano is ordering him to stop the car in a voice that sounds slightly hysterical, but Sebastian has plenty of time to assess the positions of all of the other vehicles and weave in between them as he accelerates hard toward the ramp.

 

He does have to slam on the brakes to avoid flying off the opposite side of the ramp, but he gets the SUV back under control, leaving only skid marks behind on the ramp as he whips them around it and onto the street below the interstate.  He floors it for a quarter mile or so, ignoring Lily and Stefano’s very vocal protestations of his driving, and then turns abruptly onto an overgrown road that leads back into a wooded area.  He pulls the car out of sight of the paved road and stops, taking a deep breath to steady himself as he cuts off the engine and strains his ears to listen for other traffic.

 

“Sebastian, can I have a word please?” Stefano says tersely, placing his hand on the door handle.  There is a thin veneer of politeness on his voice, but his hand is shaking and he is breathing hard, and Sebastian can’t tell whether he is terrified or angry or both, but he is sure that he’s about to find out.  Sebastian doesn’t think that it’s a particularly good idea to get out of the car now, but the look in Stefano’s eye says that he is not going to take no for an answer.

 

“Fine.”  Sebastian unbuckles his seatbelt and grabs his own door release.  He opens the door and steps out of the car, closing the door behind him a little harder than he actually intends to.

 

“Do you want to walk down the road a bit?” Stefano asks, and the implication is clear.  Stefano doesn’t think this is a conversation they should have in front of Lily.

 

“No,” Sebastian answers.  “I’m not letting Lily out of my sight.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano replies, his eye narrowing as he turns to face Sebastian over the hood of the SUV.  “Do you have any idea how close you just came to killing all of us?”

 

“There was a car following us,” Sebastian says flatly, because just as he suspected, Stefano does not understand the danger.  “I had to shake them off.”

 

“And where is that car now?” Stefano asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

Sebastian glances down the road behind them.  “I don’t know, but we should probably get out of here before we find out.”  He doesn’t think that the black car could have made it to the exit ramp they took, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t just taken the next exit and doubled back.  They could know this area, know where the hiding places are.  The temporary relief Sebastian felt upon reaching this secluded road is starting to dissipate, being replaced by a restless energy.  They need to keep moving.

 

“Sebastian,” sighs Stefano, “no one is following us. There is no other car with us now, because no one was following us in the first place.”

 

“Maybe you didn’t see it,” Sebastian shoots back, throwing his hands up in frustration, “but recognizing threats is part of my job- was part of my job.”  He corrects himself.

 

“While I am sure that your instincts served you very well in your professional capacity,” Stefano says, his voice still infuriatingly calm, “would you consider that perhaps they are a bit skewed when Lily is the one who may be in danger?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian snaps, because he isn’t even sure what Stefano is talking about, but he feels too warm, feels like his skin is crawling, and he doesn’t have time to sort this out now.  “But if there is even a chance that Mobius knows our location, I have to do something.  I’m not going to let them have her again.”  He jerks his head toward Lily, who is watching them with wide eyes.  “I’m not going to let them have either of you.  You remember how horrible it was in STEM…the things they did…”

 

Sebastian doesn’t necessarily want to remind Stefano of how much he suffered in STEM, but the memory of Stefano, beaten and broken in Theodore’s dungeon, is one of the images that sometimes forces its way back into his mind, one of the reasons he is willing to do whatever it takes to keep them out of Mobius’ hands.

 

“Sebastian, STEM was shut down!  Mobius is gone!” Stefano replies, his voice finally rising in anger, and Sebastian feels a sense of accomplishment that he has at least managed to get a reaction out of Stefano.  “They are no danger to us anymore, unlike what you just did!”

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian begins.

 

“You could have killed us!” shouts Stefano, his good eye blazing in a way that almost reminds Sebastian of his camera eye in STEM.

 

Sebastian is trying to be calm and rational.  He really is, but Stefano does not understand, does not appreciate the danger, and his casual approach to their safety is way more likely to get them killed than Sebastian’s methods.  But he’s already explained that to Stefano.  He’s explained it a thousand times, and Stefano is just not fucking getting it and anger is building up- a hot, tight feeling in his chest.

 

“God damn it, Stefano!”  He slams his fist down on the hood of the SUV, feels it give way and dent under the blow.  Stefano jumps back, an expression of alarm on his face, but Sebastian still feels his anger pounding in his veins, so he brings his fist down two more times, making a guttural snarl.  He collapses forward onto the hood of the SUV with his head buried in his arms and takes a couple of deep breaths.  Lily and Stefano are here, and he needs to protect them, and to do that he needs to be calm and focused and alert.  Those thoughts allow Sebastian to get control of himself again.  He is no good to Lily and Stefano if he is being ruled by emotion.

 

When he raises his head, Stefano and Lily are both staring at him wide-eyed.  Stefano swallows hard.  “I suppose we should probably just keep going,” he says, the righteous anger in his voice replaced by suppressed fear.

 

“Fine,” Sebastian says.  “Get in.”  He does wonder for a fleeting moment if he owes Stefano an apology, but he is so certain that he is right about the danger posed by the black car, and as much as he hates to see Stefano afraid, maybe it will help him remember to be cautious.

 

When he gets into the car and turns the key in the ignition, Stefano is staring fixedly out his window and no one speaks.

 

They drive for a few more uneventful hours in complete silence, except for ordering lunch at a drive-thru.  There are no more mysterious cars, or at least none that Sebastian notices.  Sebastian is aware that Lily and Stefano are throwing sidelong glances at him, but he ignores them, tells himself that someone has to be the adult and look out for the rest of the family, even when they don’t understand what he is looking out for.  In time, though, the silence begins to wear on him, and he stops for the evening earlier than usual, leaving Stefano and Lily in the car while he checks into the hotel.

 

The silence continues all the way up to the suite, and once they are inside Lily immediately goes into her room and closes the door.  Sebastian heads into the other bedroom with his bag and Stefano follows him.  Sebastian sets down his bag next to the bed, and turns to face Stefano, who is eyeing him distrustfully.

 

For a few seconds, neither one of them speaks, and then Sebastian takes a deep breath.  “You can stop looking at me like that.  You know I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

“I don’t know,” Stefano says flatly.  “Today was the first time I have seen your anger directed at me.”

 

“Everyone gets angry sometimes,” Sebastian says.  “You have to know that I would not put my hands on you in anger.”

 

“Sebastian, I do not know what you are capable of.  You showed a side of yourself that I have not seen before,” Stefano says calmly.

 

Frustration and anger are welling up in Sebastian’s chest, because surely after everything he and Stefano have endured, Stefano has to trust him more than this.  He deserves more credit than Stefano is giving him, and surely one slip-up, one angry outburst in all of their time together, doesn’t negate all of that.

 

“Are you fucking serious?” growls Sebastian, keeping his voice low so as not to attract Lily’s attention.  “After everything we’ve been through, you actually still think that I would hurt you?”

 

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Stefano hisses.

 

“And I don’t have to explain myself either, but for the record, I was trying to protect you and Lily,” Sebastian says, throwing his hands into the air.

 

Stefano sighs.  “Sebastian-”

 

“Let me stop you right there,” Sebastian cuts in, because nothing Stefano says is going to make any difference until Stefano understands what is at stake.  “Mobius took Myra and Joseph from me, and I will never see them again.  I can’t let that happen to you or Lily or any of us.”

 

“Sebastian, you don’t understand-” Stefano begins, but Sebastian cuts him off again.

 

“No, you don’t understand.”  His voice is hard.  “You don’t understand because you’ve never had to look out for anyone besides yourself, because nothing matters to you except those pictures.  You don’t understand because you’ve never had a family-”

 

Sebastian realizes the second he has gone too far, because Stefano’s face goes completely blank.  They stare at each other for a few seconds, as Sebastian’s mind works furiously to try to figure out how to undo what he just said.  Since his words only seem to be getting him into trouble today, his first instinct is to reach out and take Stefano in his arms, and he starts to do that, but Stefano holds up a hand to stop him.

 

“Get out.”  Stefano’s voice betrays no emotion.  His eye is listless.  His face is slack.

 

“Stefano, I-” Sebastian begins, because surely Stefano can’t mean that.  After all, they’re travelling together and Lily is still in her room.

 

“Get out.”  Stefano repeats the command with no more emotion than before, and seeing Stefano utterly emotionless is starting to irk Sebastian.  They are having an argument.  Stefano should be having some kind of reaction to what he is saying.

 

“Come on, Stefano, enough with this bullshit,” Sebastian says, the exasperation creeping back into his voice.  “Let’s just finish this discussion like adults, and-”

 

“Get out.”

 

“Damn it, are you capable of feeling anything at all?”

 

Stefano doesn’t answer, but his expression doesn’t change either, and the fact that he won’t engage, won’t react at all is so infuriating that Sebastian knows he actually does need to leave.  He has to get out of there before he does something he’ll regret.  He passes by Stefano without a glance and walks briskly down the hall and to the door of the suite, yanking it open.  He is already halfway down the hall when it closes behind him with a satisfying crash.

 

He realizes quickly that he hasn’t brought his jacket or the room key, though he does have his wallet and phone in the pockets of his jeans.  He can’t go back though, not until Stefano has sorted himself out, and Sebastian has had some time to cool down.  He wonders briefly about the wisdom of leaving Lily with Stefano, but decides that if Stefano thinks he knows so much about how to protect their family, he can have a go at it on his own.

 

As he steps through the front door of the hotel into the cool evening air, he shivers, thinking that his jacket would have been a really good idea, especially because it looks like dark clouds are gathering along with the twilight.  He also realizes that he has no plan and no destination.

 

He turns on his heel and walks back into the lobby, approaching the front desk.  The young lady behind it smiles at him.  “How can I help you sir?”

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath.  “Where can I find a bar around here?”

 

 

The bar is dark and dirty and stinks of cigarettes and spilled beer, but it instantly feels familiar.  Sebastian hasn’t been here before of course, but he has been to dozens of bars just like this one- the kinds of places where the same crowd gathers night after night, but no one speaks a word, where the liquor flows freely and there’s a haze of smoke in the air, and if someone really needs to learn a lesson, the bartender will usually look the other way for at least one good punch.

 

Sebastian takes a seat at the bar, leaving some space between himself and the cluster of old-timers who are staring blankly ahead of them in between drinks, and orders a whiskey straight.  The bartender looks him up and down with suspicion, but that suspicion is easily put to rest when Sebastian slides a couple of folded bills across the counter at him.

 

“Just leave the bottle,” Sebastian says, voice already going gruff from the smoke in the air.

 

A half hour and a few drinks later, Sebastian is feeling pretty good.  He’s bummed a couple of cigarettes off one of the old-timers in exchange for some whiskey, and he’s making his way to the bottom of the bottle.  He’s also feeling that weird sense of companionship that only comes from sitting in a shitty bar drinking shitty whiskey with a bunch of other men who have nothing better to do with their lives.

 

His cell phone buzzes in the pocket of his jeans, and he pulls it out.  Predictably, it’s from Stefano.

 

_Where are you?_

Sebastian’s first impulse it to tell Stefano to fuck off, but that seems a little harsh.  The more he drinks, the less he remembers what they were actually arguing about earlier today and the more he fixates on how one-sided their relationship is right now, how much of himself he is giving to Stefano without getting anything in return.  Unfortunately, alcohol also tends to make him into a sarcastic asshole, at least according to Joseph, so he types back:

 

_Oh, so now you suddenly care about me?_

He rolls his eyes, even though Stefano can’t see him of course, sets his phone down on the bar, and takes a long swig of whiskey.  He looks up as a new group of guys comes into the bar, and then his phone buzzes again.

 

_I do care about you.  I have cared about you for some time._

Sebastian scoffs at that.  Stefano is attracted to him, that much is clear, and Stefano seems to like having Sebastian around to protect him, but is there anything more than that?  Even at the best of times, Stefano isn’t all that expressive, and now, with the alcohol clouding his memories and his judgment, Sebastian struggles to recall a time when Stefano has expressed genuine feelings for him, which is why he feels justified in typing:

 

_Well would it kill you to fucking show it sometimes?_

He sets the phone down again.  The new guys are younger than the rest of the customers, and they are loud and boisterous, and one of them jokingly makes a homophobic slur.  Sebastian’s shoulders go tense, because even though he knows they aren’t in the most progressive part of the country, he does not tolerate that kind of shit.  They seem to be settling down though, so he turns back to his phone, which goes off again.

 

_Sebastian, please come back to the room.  We need to talk about this._

Sebastian was trying to fucking talk about this earlier, but Stefano completely blew him off, and he isn’t eager to go back to the room just for more of the same.  The younger guys behind him are roughhousing now, and Sebastian exchanges a disdainful look with one of the old-timers.  He shoves his phone back into his pocket and drains his glass.

 

Sebastian is reaching for the bottle again, when one of the assholes behind him gets shoved a little too hard by his asshole buddy and crashes into Sebastian.  Sebastian is already on his feet, a smile forming on his face, because he doesn’t mind having an excuse to throw a few punches.

 

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What have you done to yourself?” Stefano asks, taking care to keep his voice down for Lily’s sake.
> 
> Sebastian blinks at him for a moment. “Nothing,” he says. “Some assholes in a bar did this to me.”
> 
> Stefano sighs, because apparently drunk Sebastian takes things rather literally.

 

 

“I’m ready for bed, Mr. Valentini!” calls Lily from her room.

 

Stefano feels very much out of his depth, because of course it should be Sebastian doing this, but he bravely enters Lily’s room and takes a seat on the edge of her bed.  Lily sets down the novel she is reading on the bedside table and fixes him with an expression that is much too serious for someone her age.

 

“When is Dad coming back?” she asks.  Stefano sighs, because he has answered this question at least three times in the last hour.

 

“I don’t know, Lily, but I am sure that he is coming back.”  Stefano pauses.  “He would not leave you.  I am certain of that.”  Stefano is much less certain about whether Sebastian would leave him, but he isn’t going to burden Lily with his own worries.

 

Fortunately, his answer seems to have satisfied Lily, because her serious expression is gone as abruptly as it appeared.

 

“Goodnight, Mr. Valentini,” she says with a smile.

 

“Goodnight, Lily,” Stefano says, and even with the stress of everything else going on, he can’t help smiling himself.  He then realizes that he doesn’t know the next step of the goodnight procedure, so he looks questioningly at Lily.

 

“This is when Dad gives me a kiss,” Lily says, her voice making it clear that everyone should know how to do this.

 

Not only is Stefano himself slightly alarmed by the prospect of giving Lily a kiss, he is also not sure how Sebastian would feel about that.  Fortunately, he manages to improvise what he hopes will be an acceptable solution.  He reaches out and takes Lily’s hand from where it rests on top of the covers, lifts it to his mouth, and kisses the back of it, which makes Lily erupt in giggles.

 

“Now go to sleep,” Stefano admonishes, as Lily flops back onto her pillow still laughing.  He switches off the light and closes the door, shaking his head.  At least she doesn’t seem to be upset at the moment.

 

Stefano walks back into the living area and checks the time displayed on the microwave.  Then he checks his phone, which still has no missed calls and no new messages from Sebastian.  It has been four hours since Sebastian left the room, and almost three since Stefano received the last text message from him.  Stefano goes to the window and scans the parking lot, though the pouring rain makes it difficult to see much of anything, even under the streetlights.  Their SUV is still there, but there is no sign of Sebastian.

 

Stefano is beginning to wonder if he should actually go out and start looking for Sebastian, but he doesn’t know where he would even begin.  There’s also the small matter that he has no driver’s license and still can’t walk for very long without resting.  More importantly, he can’t bring himself to leave Lily alone, mainly because he knows how much that would upset Sebastian.

 

He clears away the dinner dishes from the room service he and Lily ordered and takes them to the sink.  Washing dishes is a mindless task, and it does little to distract him from his much more pressing concerns.  How could Sebastian not know that Stefano cares about him?  His feelings for Sebastian are quite possibly the strongest feelings he has ever had for another person, and wasn’t it Sebastian himself who first pointed out how Stefano was changing?  That was still in STEM, before Stefano even acknowledged it himself, but even he has to admit that he is feeling things now that he hasn’t felt in years, maybe that he hasn’t felt before in his life.

 

He wanders into the living room and spends several minutes trying to watch the news with the volume turned down low so as not to disturb Lily, but it is very hard to focus when he keeps imagining where Sebastian could be.  The text messages Sebastian sent led him to believe that Sebastian might not have been entirely sober, which ignites a whole new series of things to be worried about.

 

Is Sebastian passed out in an alley somewhere?  Was he injured in a bar fight?  Did he find some other man who is willing to give him what Stefano can’t?  Stefano doubles over on the sofa, because it is physically painful to have some of these thoughts, and it feels like a hole has been ripped in his chest, a raw, open place that only Sebastian can heal, and Sebastian isn’t here.

 

As much as he worries, there is a voice in the back of Stefano’s head that tells him that Sebastian will come back for Lily at the very least.  Stefano can only hope that Sebastian will come back for him too.

 

Another half-hour passes before there is a heavy knock at the door.  Stefano scrambles to his feet and goes to the door, peering through the peephole to see that it is, in fact, Sebastian who is on the other side.  He tries to pull the door open, but is thwarted by the deadbolt and privacy latch, which he only put on earlier because he was thinking of Sebastian.  He quickly disengages them and yanks the door open.

 

Sebastian looks as pathetic as Stefano has ever seen him, and that includes the time they fought O’Neal and his flamethrower.  He is soaked to the skin, shivering, and swaying a little on his feet with one hand braced on the doorframe.  The skin around his left eye is pink and swollen.  There is dried blood on his forehead and his lip and matted into his beard and moustache.  He also smells terrible, though that isn’t Stefano’s primary concern at the moment.

 

“Hi,” Sebastian slurs.  “Can I come in?”

 

Stefano cannot tell if Sebastian’s question is intended respectfully or sarcastically, or if Sebastian can intend anything when he is clearly very intoxicated, but he is so relieved to see Sebastian and so alarmed at the state of him that any lingering frustration or anger he may have been feeling is pushed out of his mind.  He reaches out, taking hold of Sebastian’s shoulders and guiding him into the room as Sebastian sways dangerously.

 

“What have you done to yourself?”  Stefano asks, taking care to keep his voice down for Lily’s sake.

 

Sebastian blinks at him for a moment.  “Nothing,” he says.  “Some assholes in a bar did this to me.”

 

Stefano sighs, because apparently drunk Sebastian takes things rather literally.  He moves on to his next question.

 

“Have you been drinking for four hours?” Stefano asks.

 

“No, just got a little lost on my way back here,” Sebastian says, trying to rub at his face with his hand but flinching away when it touches his swollen eye.  “And then it started raining.”

 

This reminds Stefano that Sebastian is indeed soaking wet and still shivering under his hands.

 

“Let’s get you out of those wet clothes,” he says.  He takes Sebastian’s hand to guide him toward the bedroom, and Sebastian follows, weaving a little as he walks.  Suddenly, he stops mid-stride.

 

“Where’s Lily?”  Sebastian asks, and his voice is loud enough that Stefano cringes a little, because they are right across from the door to Lily’s room.

 

“In bed,” Stefano whispers, turning to face Sebastian.  “Keep your voice down.”

 

Sebastian takes a step toward the door, reaching out with his hand.  “I’m just gonna say goodnight.”

 

Stefano steps in between Sebastian and the door, because Sebastian clearly does not make good decisions when he has been drinking.  “Do you really want Lily to see you like this?” he hisses.

 

That brings Sebastian up short, and he takes a half step back, runs a hand through his hair, and winces, pulling his hand away.  Stefano makes a mental note to check for head wounds.

 

“Fuck,” Sebastian says, but at least he’s making an effort to be quite now.  “Fuck…I don’t know.”

 

“You don’t,” Stefano answers for him, grabbing his arm and pulling him into their room, shutting the door behind them and hoping that it will muffle their voices enough to let Lily sleep through this.  Lily surely does not need to be exposed to whatever Sebastian is like when he has been drinking.  It would be traumatic for Lily of course, but more importantly, he knows that Sebastian would never forgive himself.

 

At the moment, Sebastian seems to have forgotten about Lily entirely and has turned back toward Stefano.  That predatory look from the night before is back in his eyes, but this time it is chilling, because there is none of the usual warmth in Sebastian’s expression.  He advances on Stefano, who backs up until he is pressed against the door.  Then Sebastian’s arms are around him, and even though he isn’t being particularly rough or doing anything more than embracing Stefano, something is off.  Something feels very wrong.  The care and concern that Sebastian takes every time he touches Stefano is absent, and the touch feels dispassionate, almost mechanical.

 

“Sebastian, no,” Stefano says firmly as he puts his hands on Sebastian’s chest and pushes him away hard enough that Sebastian staggers for a moment.

 

“Stefano, what-” Sebastian begins, then seems to reconsider.  “I thought you wanted…”

 

“I want to get you out of your wet clothes-”

 

“I like the sound of that,” slurs Sebastian.

 

“-and take a look at your injuries.” Stefano finishes.

 

“I’m not injured,” Sebastian says with a wave of his hand, “just got banged up a little.”

 

Stefano sighs, because there is really no point in arguing with Sebastian in his current state.  He collects himself, takes Sebastian’s hand again, and leads him into the bathroom, where he starts running a bath.  He hears Sebastian laughing to himself and when he turns back around, Sebastian has managed to take his shirt halfway off, so that it is stuck around his head and upper arms.  Stefano doesn’t find this quite as funny as Sebastian does, because drunk Sebastian is unpredictable and a bit frightening, but at least he is trying to be helpful.

 

“Oh, for god’s sake,” groans Stefano as he grabs Sebastian’s shirt and finishes pulling it over his head and off of his arms.  One look at Sebastian’s torso has him drawing his breath in sharply, because Sebastian is covered with fresh bruises, pink and purple discolorations all over his ribs and stomach and back.

 

“What?” Sebastian asks, looking at Stefano with genuine curiosity.  Then he glances over at the mirror and says, “Oh, right.  Guess I’m getting too old for this, huh?”

 

Stefano doesn’t answer that question, because in his opinion there is no age at which it is appropriate to be getting into bar fights, but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to convince Sebastian of that at the moment.  He reaches for Sebastian’s belt and unbuckles it, then undoes his jeans and pushes them down Sebastian legs along with his boxers, at which point he realizes it might have been more effective to remove Sebastian’s boots first.

 

Undaunted, he crouches in front of Sebastian, who leans against the wall for support.  It takes some pulling and pushing and reaching up to steady Sebastian as he steps out of his clothes, but Stefano manages to get him undressed.  By then the tub is almost full, so he turns off the water, checks the temperature, and extends his arm to Sebastian.

 

“Come on,” he encourages, then adds, “Be careful.”

 

“I can get in the bathtub without hurting myself,” Sebastian protests.  “I’m not that old.”  All the same, he holds Stefano’s arm tightly until he has lowered himself into the tub.

 

“Oh, fuck, that’s nice,” Sebastian breathes, lying back to rest his head on the edge of the tub, eyes closed.  He is still shivering, but Stefano hopes the warm bath will take care of that.  For a moment, he remembers how good it felt to be surrounded by warm water on that first night in the motel.  Sebastian had sat with him then, had washed him, and Sebastian is obviously in need of comfort now, so Stefano rolls up his shirtsleeves, soaps up a washcloth, and sits down on the edge of the tub.

 

“Can I help you?” Stefano asks simply, a bit unsure of where to start, since Sebastian is really the expert on comforting people.

 

Sebastian opens his eyes, though they seem unfocused, as though he is looking at something behind Stefano.  “Okay,” he replies.  “Just be careful.  I hurt…I hurt everywhere.”

 

“Yes, I can see that,” Stefano says.  “And I will be careful,” he adds when he sees that Sebastian is still eyeing him uncertainly.

 

Stefano brings the washcloth to Sebastian’s face, but at the first touch of it to his forehead, Sebastian jerks away, and Stefano is reminded of the time when he treated Sebastian’s burns in STEM.  As much as Sebastian seems to enjoy physical contact the majority of the time, he is quite wary of being touched when he is hurting.

 

Stefano sighs, pulling back the washcloth and extending his other hand toward Sebastian’s face, cupping his less-injured cheek.  “It’s going to be alright,” he says, trying to make his voice soothing, the way Sebastian’s is when they are being intimate, and he must be doing a decent approximation, because Sebastian’s eyes look a little less wild and he seems to have focused in on Stefano’s face.

 

Stefano raises the washcloth again, dabbing at the dried blood on Sebastian’s forehead and hairline.  This time Sebastian doesn’t move, though he does tense up.  Stefano carefully cleans the blood away, skips over Sebastian’s swollen eye entirely, as there are no breaks in the skin there and it is clearly very painful, and moves on to the area around Sebastian’s mouth.  His split lip has stopped bleeding, but there is dried blood all around it.  Stefano has to scrub a bit at Sebastian’s beard and moustache to actually get it out, but Sebastian sits quietly until he has finished and rinsed the area with clean water.

 

“Were you hit in the head?” Stefano asks.

 

Sebastian twists his mouth, as though considering the question, then says, “I think so…I don’t know.”

 

Stefano repositions himself closer to Sebastian’s head and begins to run his fingers carefully through his hair.  “What were you even fighting about?”

 

“I don’t- shit!” Sebastian gasps as Stefano locates the source of the blood in his hair.  It too has mostly clotted, so Stefano dabs at it lightly with the soapy washcloth in hopes that it won’t start bleeding again.  “I don’t remember,” continues Sebastian, his voice sounding a little strained.  “Just fighting to fight I guess.”

 

“You are not used to a life where there is no one to fight, are you?” Stefano observes as he sets down the washcloth and picks up the shampoo, beginning to wash the rest of Sebastian’s hair, much of which is matted with blood.  He hadn’t thought about it this way before, but between a career in law enforcement and his experiences in STEM, Sebastian is probably accustomed to a very physical lifestyle.  No wonder he is so high-strung and unsettled when attempting to live a calmer and more mundane life.  Of course, his paranoia about Mobius doesn’t help that either.

 

“No, I’m not,” Sebastian answers.  He pauses, while Stefano works his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp in the uninjured places.  “You know, the way you’re doing that right now, I would almost think you cared about me.”

 

And they’re back to this again.  Drunk Sebastian does seem to be a bit melancholy.  This is certainly a conversation that they need to have when Sebastian is sober, but for the time being, Stefano attempts to put Sebastian’s mind at ease.  “I do care about you,” he says.  “I thought you knew that already.”

 

“Maybe…I don’t know,” Sebastian says, dipping his head back under the water to rinse the shampoo out of his hair.  He is still talking when he resurfaces.  “You’re just so fucking hard to read sometimes.  I can’t tell what’s going on in your head.”

 

Stefano thinks to point out that no one can ever tell what is going on in someone else’s head, but Sebastian keeps talking, and Stefano gets a clean, soapy washcloth and begins to rub it over Sebastian’s chest, taking care to tread lightly on bruised or scraped areas.

 

“And it just gets me really worried, because after Lily died- I mean, after we thought Lily had died-, Myra and I…we acted like everything was okay for a while, like for months, but on the inside she was hurting and I was hurting and we weren’t taking care of each other, and we just got farther and farther apart even though we were living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed.”

 

Stefano is nodding along with Sebastian, washing his stomach and arms.  He puts a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder, urging him to sit up so that he can wash his back, as Sebastian continues.

 

“And we never got back on the same page, and then Myra started pitching her theories about Mobius, and I told her she was crazy, because I was too wrapped up in my own pain to see everything she had been doing to find Lily.  I lost both of them, Stefano.  Lily, because I wasn’t there when she needed me, and Myra, because I was too busy trying to pretend things were alright.”

 

Stefano has worked his way down Sebastian’s back as far as he can reach, and he sits back, just as Sebastian also sits back and stares into his face with surprising clarity for drunk Sebastian.

 

“And now I can’t tell if things are really alright or if we’re just pretending, and I can’t lose Lily again and I can’t lose you.”  He stares at Stefano, eyes wide, and Stefano feels as though he is looking past Sebastian’s face into the deepest part of him, the part he doesn’t share with anyone else.  He takes a deep breath before he answers.

 

“I am not pretending.  Are you?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian moans, trying to rub at his eyes, but yanking his hands away with a curse as he makes contact with his injured face.

 

“Sebastian.”  Stefano places a hand on his shoulder, because it seems like Sebastian is likely to work himself up into another emotional outburst at the rate he is going.  “I am aware that I do not express myself as clearly as some others do.  What is it that you need to hear?  That I am happy staying with you and Lily?  That I care about you very deeply?  That I will not abandon you?”

 

“I don’t want you to tell me what you think I need to hear-” Sebastian begins, but Stefano cuts him off.

 

“That is not what I am doing.”  He fixes Sebastian with a look so stern it is almost a glare, and Sebastian goes quiet and waits for him to continue.  “All of the things I have said are true.  Perhaps I don’t say them as often as I should, but they are true, and if it will help you, I will try to be more…expressive.”

 

Sebastian sighs audibly then says, “Yeah, okay, that’ll help.  There was some other stuff too…”

 

Stefano gives his shoulder a squeeze.  “That can wait until tomorrow.  Let’s finish your bath and get you to bed.”

 

Sebastian nods, and Stefano begins washing again at the tops of Sebastian’s thighs, moving down to his feet.  Sebastian’s legs are also scraped and bruised, but no worse than the rest of him.  It seems that all of his wounds are fairly superficial, which is a relief, since Stefano doesn’t think it would be particularly easy to convince Sebastian to go to a hospital at the moment.

 

When he is finished with Sebastian’s legs, Stefano makes eye contact with him, and Sebastian raises an eyebrow suggestively, because of course there is only one place left to wash.  Stefano considers turning the washcloth over to Sebastian, because he isn’t sure how drunk Sebastian is going to react to this, but he also just said that he was going to take care of Sebastian, so he presses on, and Sebastian leans back against the edge of the tub and moves his legs apart so that Stefano can thoroughly clean him.

 

Stefano tries to be brisk and businesslike, without sacrificing the care that is required in handling a sensitive area, but by the time he finishes, Sebastian is half-hard, which is rather impressive considering how much he has had to drink, and his chest is rising and falling rapidly.  He makes a noise of protest as Stefano pulls his hand back.  Stefano gives him a questioning look.

 

“Are you sure you don’t need to clean down there some more?” Sebastian pants, looking hopeful.

 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Stefano replies.  “You are very clean.”  Stefano isn’t entirely opposed to the idea of pleasuring Sebastian, but the water in the tub is taking on a distinctly gritty look, and he wants to get Sebastian out of it and into bed as soon as possible.  He starts draining the tub and takes Sebastian by the arm, helping him to his feet and out onto the bathmat.

 

Sebastian is still swaying a little, and he grabs the wall for support as Stefano begins to towel him off.  He hums pleasantly when Stefano directs his attention to certain areas, but for the most part he seems to be concentrating on remaining upright, and Stefano manages to get him mostly dry without incident.

 

“Come on,” Stefano coaxes, taking Sebastian by the arm again and leading him into the bedroom.  “Get in bed.  I’m going to get you a glass of water.” 

 

“Don’t need water,” Sebastian mumbles as he sprawls across the bed, unfazed by his nudity.  “Just need you.”

 

“Well, I’ll be back in a minute,” Stefano says.  He goes to the kitchen and fills a glass with water.  No matter how high Sebastian’s alcohol tolerance is, Stefano is fairly certain he’s about to have a serious hangover.

 

When Stefano returns to the bedroom, Sebastian has rolled himself up in a blanket.  Stefano puts a hand on his shoulder, tries to encourage him to sit up to drink some water, but Sebastian has gone completely limp and just laughs every time Stefano tries to maneuver his body.

 

“So this was your plan,” he says, pausing to draw in some air and control his laughter.  “Get me all liquored up and take advantage of me?”

 

Stefano considers pointing out that he was certainly not the one who got Sebastian ‘all liquored up,’ but before he can speak, Sebastian goes on.

 

“Joke’s on you,” he splutters.  “You didn’t even need the liquor.  You can have me.”

 

Stefano does consider, for the briefest moment, that if he wanted to act on his plan of getting their first time over and done with, this would be the time to do it.  Clearly drunk Sebastian does not share regular Sebastian’s inhibitions and Stefano is sure that if he asked Sebastian to- as Sebastian himself so crassly puts it- ‘fuck’ him, that Sebastian would do it without hesitation, assuming of course that he is still able to perform in his current state of drunkenness.

 

What stops him is not his own concerns, but the knowledge of what this course of action would do to Sebastian, once he comes back to his senses.  Sebastian has demonstrated the tendency to beat himself up over past mistakes time and time again, and Stefano can only imagine that he would see this as a particularly terrible mistake.  This settles it in Stefano’s mind.  He will not do that to Sebastian.

 

Stefano does help Sebastian orient himself so that his head is on the pillow, though it involves a lot more laughing and pushing and pulling and assuring Sebastian that no, he does not ‘wanna wrestle’ as Sebastian puts it.  He does manage to convince Sebastian to sit up and drink some water, though probably not nearly enough to help avoid the impending hangover.

 

When that is done, Sebastian lies back down and pats the bed beside him.  “Lie down with me,” he mumbles.  “I wanna do stuff to you.”

 

Stefano almost laughs, because Sebastian is far from eloquent at the best of times, and now his vocabulary seems to be even further diminished.  He holds it in though, because Sebastian seems so earnest in his desire.

 

“You don’t need to worry about me right now,” Stefano says, though he does lie down beside Sebastian, still fully clothed and on top of the blankets.  “You’ve had a difficult night.  Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”

 

“Because I don’t wanna sleep,” Sebastian says, stifling a yawn.  He fights his way out of the blankets and wraps his arms around Stefano, pulling him against his chest.  His lips find Stefano’s neck, and he leaves a trail of kisses as he moves down it, but they are sloppy, fumbling, and not in a good way like Sebastian’s kisses are sometimes when he is just too aroused and excited to slow down.  These kisses don’t feel like Sebastian’s at all.

 

Stefano tries to pull away, but Sebastian has his arms locked around his chest.  “Sebastian,” Stefano says, a note of warning in his voice.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says, shifting his body to lie half on top of Stefano.  “You’re gonna like this.  I-”

 

Panic and adrenaline flare up inside Stefano’s chest, because Sebastian is stronger than he is, especially with how atrophied his muscles became in STEM.  Sebastian could physically overpower him, and he would have no choice but to submit.  He is also sure that Sebastian in his right mind wouldn’t do this, but Sebastian is clearly not in his right mind.

 

Stefano plants his hands on Sebastian’s chest and shoves him off, as he twists his body to get out from under Sebastian.  “Sebastian, stop!” he says, much louder than he intends, but at least it gets Sebastian’s attention.

 

Sebastian freezes, stares into Stefano’s face for a moment, and then his expression falters, as suddenly and dramatically as if someone has dumped a bucket of ice water on him.

 

“Oh, god,” he gasps, bringing a hand to his mouth, eyes going wide in horror.  “Oh my god, Stefano…”

 

The change in Sebastian is so abrupt that Stefano’s panic also recedes quickly.  He reaches for Sebastian, because he can tell by the look on his face that this is his Sebastian again, and places a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, taking a deep breath because his heart is still pounding.

 

“Fuck, Stefano, I’m sorry,” Sebastian blurts out.  “I didn’t mean to…shit, Stefano, I’m such a fuck-up.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Stefano says, once he is sure that he has his voice under control.  He gives Sebastian’s shoulder a squeeze.  “This isn’t the time for that, and it’s not the time for a long talk either.  You just need to sleep.”

 

“How can I possibly sleep?” Sebastian groans.  “I can’t believe I…the look on your face was just like that time in the dungeon…”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, moving closer and wrapping his arm fully around Sebastian, pulling them together so that Sebastian’s head rests on his chest.  “It’s alright.  We will talk about everything in the morning.”

 

Sebastian tentatively puts an arm around Stefano, though he isn’t exerting any pressure, just letting his arm rest across Stefano’s body.  “You’ll stay with me?” he asks in a small voice.

 

“Always,” Stefano murmurs.  “Just let me get ready for bed.”

 

“Okay,” breathes Sebastian, and Stefano pulls away to stand up and walk into the bathroom.

 

He takes a moment to just stare at himself in the mirror, take some deep breaths, and try to calm down, because for a few seconds there, he did feel just the way he felt with Sebastian standing over him in the dungeon, and he hadn’t ever thought that Sebastian would make him feel that way again, hadn’t thought that Sebastian had that in him.

 

Deep down, he knows that he is being unfair, that this isn’t really Sebastian that he is dealing with, but obviously if Sebastian is going to drink, then this is an issue they will have to address.  Like the others though, it can wait until tomorrow.  Tonight he is exhausted from worrying about Sebastian and taking care of Sebastian.

 

He brushes his teeth, washes up a little, and returns to the bedroom.  Sebastian is already asleep, wrapped around himself and the blankets, and he is snoring gently.  Stefano digs through his bag until he finds his pajama pants and makes a mental note that they desperately need to do laundry.  He pulls them on and climbs into bed next to Sebastian.

 

As Sebastian is thoroughly entangled in the covers, Stefano has to grab one end and tug it out from under him in order to get under the blankets himself, and when he does that, Sebastian stirs, rolling toward Stefano and wrapping an arm around his waist.  His face comes to rest on the back of Stefano’s neck, and Stefano can feel his breath as he mumbles, “Love you.”

 

Stefano isn’t sure if he is caught up in the moment, or he is just so relieved to have his Sebastian back, or if he just needs to try out the words to see if they fit what he is feeling for Sebastian, but he whispers.  “I love you too.”

 

The words feel strange on his lips, but they resonate in his chest.

 

 

 


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How did the good night routine go?” Sebastian asks.
> 
> Stefano smiles. “I think I failed catastrophically, but I made her laugh.”
> 
> “Then you did fine,” Sebastian says, pulling back the covers and lying down on his side facing Stefano. “She’s an easygoing kid.” He pauses, but he can’t delay his next question any longer. His head and body still ache, but he’s about as settled as he’s going to be in the near future and he has to know. “Stefano, what happened last night? What did I do?”

 

 

Sebastian wakes up to a splitting headache, an unbearably dry mouth, and an all-too-familiar feeling of guilt.  He has been sleeping curled in on himself, and when he attempts to stretch he discovers that every part of his body aches and Stefano is pressed up against his back.

 

Even through the pain and the nagging sense that something bad has happened, warm, sleepy Stefano is of great interest to Sebastian, so he rolls over, wincing as his muscles and nerves protest the change in position.  He notes with some disappointment that Stefano is wearing pajama pants, but at least his chest is bare, and Sebastian runs a hand up his back, planning to pull him in for a kiss, but when Stefano arches his back and tips his face up toward Sebastian’s, Sebastian freezes.

 

In that moment, looking right into Stefano’s face, everything from last night comes rushing back.  At least, he thinks it’s everything.  He doesn’t have any gaps that would suggest a black-out, but that doesn’t always mean it didn’t happen.  Even just the parts that he remembers start his heart pounding.  There is a cold sweat forming at the small of his back, and he isn’t surprised when he feels a little sick to his stomach, but it doesn’t stop there.  His stomach is actually turning and he really is going to be ill.

 

Sebastian jumps out of bed, staggering on his way to the bathroom, but he manages to make it to the toilet and drop to his knees before the first wave of nausea hits him.  His knees do not appreciate the hard floor of the bathroom, but that thought is quickly pushed out of his mind as he starts puking his guts out.

 

Sebastian hates everything about throwing up, the horrible queasy feeling that precedes it, the way his stomach contracts painfully against his will, the biting, acidic taste of bile, the sense of helplessness as he waits between waves for the next round to start.  Years of drinking and a relatively high tolerance for alcohol mean that he generally doesn’t get so sick from alcohol alone, but apparently today is going to be some kind of exception, because he can barely get a breath in before his stomach locks up and he is doing it all over again.

 

He is in between bouts of vomiting when he feels a hand on his shoulder and hears Stefano’s voice, soft and soothing, though his brain is too jumbled up with pain and sickness to determine what Stefano is actually saying.  He heaves again, and surely this has to be the end, because it’s only bile that’s coming up now.  He stays hunched over the toilet just in case, though he is relieved when Stefano flushes it, because looking at vomit isn’t doing his stomach any favors.

 

The next thing he feels is a cool, damp washcloth being placed on the back of his neck, and Stefano’s hand is on his face, gently guiding him into a more upright kneeling position so that Stefano can apply another damp washcloth to his forehead.  The cool water feels so nice on his face, and Sebastian closes his eyes as Stefano finishes wiping him down.

 

“Sebastian.”

 

Sebastian opens his eyes to see that Stefano is handing him a glass of water, which he gladly takes and uses to rinses him mouth out.  Stefano takes his hand to help him up and partially supports him as he spits into the sink.  Even when he finishes, he keeps his eyes downcast, not yet ready to look in the mirror and see his own face.

 

“How are you feeling?” Stefano asks, his hand making slow circles on Sebastian’s back as Sebastian leans on the counter for support.

 

“Like absolute fucking shit,” he answers without hesitation, “for so many reasons.”  He draws his breath in to speak again, trying to organize his thoughts.  He knows he behaved poorly yesterday, both before and after drinking, and he needs to apologize, needs to explain himself, needs to figure out why he has this nagging sensation that he did something really bad to Stefano, but before he can say anything, Stefano speaks.

 

“Do you want aspirin?  Or is that going to make you sick again?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies.  “I mean- yes, I think aspirin would help.  I’ll do my best not to get sick again.”  He sighs.  “Sorry I’m so much trouble this morning.”

 

“You’re no trouble,” Stefano says, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

 

Stefano goes back into their room, and Sebastian can hear him digging around in their bags.

 

“Could you grab my toothbrush if you don’t mind?” Sebastian calls after him.  Between the hangover and the vomiting, his mouth tastes foul, and it’s probably a good thing he didn’t follow through on his earlier plan of kissing Stefano.

 

“Yes,” Stefano answers from the bedroom.

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath and raises his head, taking in his reflection in the mirror before him.  He looks like shit- one eye bruised and swollen, a split lip, and so many scrapes and bruises on his torso that he looks like he was hit by a car.  He also realizes for the first time this morning that he is stark naked.

 

Stefano comes back into the bathroom, bottle of aspirin, toothbrush, and toothpaste in hand.  He stops next to Sebastian, looks at Sebastian’s reflection in the mirror, and frowns.  “I knew I should have put some ice on that,” he says, gesturing to Sebastian’s eye.

 

“No,” Sebastian says quickly.  “You should have left me out in the hall to fend for myself.”  That gets a little smile out of Stefano, and Sebastian wraps an arm around him, pulling Stefano’s side flush to his as he adds, “Thanks for not doing that by the way.”

 

“Well, I didn’t want you to go and bother one of the neighbors,” Stefano replies.  Then, more quietly, “And I do take an interest in your comfort and safety.”

 

That immediately takes Sebastian back to some of the texts he sent Stefano last night when he was sitting at the bar getting plastered, and the guilt is back in full force.

 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry Stefano,” he blurts out.  “I didn’t mean-”

 

Stefano holds up a hand.  His attempt to make a ‘stop’ gesture is somewhat impaired by the fact that he is still holding Sebastian’s toothbrush and toothpaste, but Sebastian gets the idea anyway.  “Don’t, Sebastian, not now.  Take some aspirin, brush your teeth, and come back to bed.  We’ll talk when you’re feeling better.”

 

Sebastian nods, thankful that Stefano seems to understand how awful he feels.  No matter how much he wants to apologize and set things right with Stefano, he is still feeling a little sick to his stomach and his headache is only getting worse.  Stefano gives him a reassuring pat on the back, then reaches up to take the washcloth off of Sebastian’s neck before he goes back into the bedroom.

 

Sebastian swallows some aspirin, brushes his teeth, and heads back into the bedroom, where Stefano is sitting up in bed with the covers pooled in his lap.  Sebastian’s pajama pants are laid out on his side of the bed, and he gives Stefano a questioning look, because he doesn’t mind being naked, and he’s pretty confident that unless something has changed dramatically, Stefano doesn’t mind him being naked either.

 

“I have a feeling Lily’s going to want to see you as soon as she wakes up,” Stefano says by way of explanation.  “She was very worried about you last night.”

 

“Shit,” Sebastian groans, picking up the pants and pulling them on with only minor stumbling around.  He hates the idea of Lily, or Stefano for that matter, having to worry about him, because he’s the one who is supposed to be looking out for them.  “Thanks for watching her.”  He trusts Stefano with Lily of course, but he and Lily still have some little rituals of their own that Stefano doesn’t know about.  “How did the good night routine go?” he asks.

 

Stefano smiles.  “I think I failed catastrophically, but I made her laugh.”

 

“Then you did fine,” Sebastian says, pulling back the covers and lying down on his side facing Stefano.  “She’s an easygoing kid.”  He pauses, but he can’t delay his next question any longer.  His head and body still ache, but he’s about as settled as he’s going to be in the near future and he has to know.  “Stefano, what happened last night?  What did I do?”

 

Stefano smiles indulgently and scoots down until he is lying on his back next to Sebastian with his head on the other pillow.  “You did many things,” he answers.  “You’ll have to be more specific.”

 

“I remember you looking afraid,” Sebastian says, because more than anything, that is the image that is burned into his memory.  It’s been burned into his memory since that horrible moment in the dungeon when he was kneeling over Stefano with the chisel, but he is sure it was the same expression he saw last night.

 

“Ah,” Stefano says with a sigh, “yes, that was when you were…being a bit rougher than usual in your attempts to pursue certain…amorous activities.”

 

Sebastian isn’t sure which one of them Stefano is trying to protect with his flowery language, but it’s not helping Sebastian at all.  “Just- can you use normal words please?  What did I do?  Did I hurt you?” he says in a rush, because if he hurt Stefano, if he forced himself on Stefano who was just beginning to trust him, that would be unforgivable.

 

“No,” Stefano says quickly, turning to face Sebastian and reaching out to take Sebastian’s face in his hands.  “You didn’t hurt me.  You were kissing me, and you tried to lie on top of me, and you didn’t seem to be yourself, so I told you to stop.”

 

Sebastian is afraid to ask the next question, but he has to know.  “And did I stop?”

 

“You did,” Stefano replies, “but I had to get a bit physical with you.”

 

Sebastian drops his gaze down to the sheets, unable to meet Stefano’s eyes, because the fact that Stefano had to do anything more than tell him to stop is unacceptable, and it explains why the look of fear on Stefano’s face is burned into his memory.

 

He looks up, meeting Stefano’s eye.  Stefano’s hands are still holding his face, so he reaches out and places his hand on Stefano’s hip.  Stefano doesn’t pull away, which he takes as a good sign.

 

“Stefano, I am so sorry,” he says, eyes still locked with Stefano’s, hoping that his face will convey what his words can’t, because he is more than sorry.  He is devastated.  The thought that he did something to Stefano that upset him so much is-

 

“Stop,” Stefano says firmly, drawing Sebastian’s face toward his and planting a kiss on his forehead.  “As I said, you were not yourself.”  He pulls back, looking into Sebastian’s face again.  “It was upsetting, but we have much more important things to discuss.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, because he knows that Stefano is right, but part of him, the part that was working up to a full-scale bout of self-loathing, is still not satisfied.  “But first, can I just…?”  He’s not sure how to describe exactly what he wants, but he scoots closer to Stefano, wraps his arms fully around him and holds him tightly, pressing his body against Stefano’s and his lips to the top of Stefano’s head.  “I’m sorry,” he breathes, because even if Stefano is okay, he needs to say it again.

 

Stefano doesn’t react at first, and Sebastian wonders if something is wrong, but within a few seconds, Stefano’s arms are around him and Stefano is hugging him back, pressing against his chest so hard that it feels like he wants to be part of Sebastian.  Stefano’s hands are roaming up and down his back, and he can feel Stefano’s lips against his skin, and Stefano is whispering something that he must have misheard.

 

“What’s that,” Sebastian murmurs into Stefano’s hair.

 

“I love you,” whispers Stefano, and Sebastian’s heart soars as he holds Stefano tighter.  He has had some idea of how Stefano feels about him of course, but it is still thrilling to hear him say the words out loud.

 

“What brought this on?” Sebastian asks, his hand coming to rest at the small of Stefano’s back.

 

“It’s a feeling that I’ve had for a little while,” Stefano says, his voice muffled by Sebastian’s chest, “but I wasn’t sure how to put it into words.  Mind you, I’m still not sure that I mean the same thing that you mean when you say it, but…I do love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Sebastian interjects, pulling back and then lowering his head and leaning in to kiss Stefano on the mouth.  It is just a soft press of his lips to Stefano’s, but it feels so exciting now.

 

“And I worry about you,” Stefano continues once Sebastian takes a break from kissing him.  “I was very worried about you last night.  Sebastian, that cannot happen again.”

 

“It won’t,” Sebastian murmurs.  Even ignoring all of the other problems that resulted from his relapse into drinking, the fact that he didn’t respect Stefano’s boundaries and could have undone all of the hard work he and Stefano have done to get where they are is enough of a consequence.  Sebastian knows it can never happen again, and his job, his mission in life, is to protect Lily and Stefano, and he can’t do that if he’s drinking.  “I promise,” he says.

 

“I hope that it will be as easy as you make it sound,” Stefano replies.  “But I fear that it will not be.  Tell me what I can do to help.”

 

“I will,” Sebastian says, “though if I’m going to feel like shit every time I drink from now on, that might be enough to deter me.”

 

Stefano makes a noise of sympathy and draws back from Sebastian to look into his face.  “How is your head?” he asks.

 

Sebastian considers for a moment, but his headache actually is receding.  “Better,” he says.

 

“And the rest of you?” Stefano asks.

 

“Sore,” Sebastian says with a shrug.

 

Stefano’s hands are moving over his chest now, lightly tracing bruises and scrapes as they go.  Sebastian does enjoy the physical contact, but he also doesn’t want to neglect some of the other topics of discussion that must be on the agenda.

 

“What else did we need to talk about?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano stills his hands and looks into Sebastian’s eyes.

 

“Mobius,” Stefano says with a sigh.  Of course that’s what they need to talk about.  That’s what got this whole sequence of events started in the first place.  Sebastian nods and rolls onto his back, and Stefano moves in close, not quite touching him, but lying directly at his side.

 

Sebastian tries to rub his eyes, but as soon as his hand encounters the swollen one, pain flares up and he jerks his hand away.

 

“Let me get you some ice,” Stefano says.  “It’s a little late, but it might still do some good.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t really want Stefano to leave, but the area around his eye is now throbbing, and Stefano is probably right about the ice.

 

“Okay,” he says grudgingly.  Stefano is only gone for a minute, but it feels like longer, and Sebastian reaches out to him, pulls him into bed, and is about to start kissing him again when Stefano places a hand on his chest and tells him to wait.  Sebastian does, and Stefano sits up and places the ice pack, which is wrapped in a hand towel, over Sebastian’s eye.  Then he leans down to place a kiss on Sebastian’s lips.

 

Sebastian wants to just keep kissing those lips, to pull Stefano down onto the bed and find some other places to kiss him, but he also realizes that he is stalling a bit to avoid talking about what happened yesterday.

 

“So,” he begins, “about Mobius…”  He doesn’t know where to start.  There are so many theories and speculations but so few hard facts.

 

“If I may say something?” Stefano asks.  He is sitting cross-legged beside Sebastian now, one hand on Sebastian’s forehead just above the icepack.  Sebastian nods, and Stefano steadies the icepack, which threatens to slide off of his face, as he continues, “You do not need to convince me of the danger we are in if Mobius still exists.  You have explained it before, and I agree with you on that point.”

 

Sebastian raises an eyebrow in surprise, though he’s not sure Stefano can see it because of the icepack.  He did not expect Stefano to start out by conceding one of his major points.  Of course, Stefano has also had several hours to reflect on this rationally while Sebastian spent those hours drinking and fighting, so if they are going to be debating this then Sebastian is at a distinct disadvantage.

 

“So you don’t think Mobius is still around?” he asks.

 

Stefano sighs.  “It is very difficult to prove something in the negative, but I suppose what I would like to know is what evidence we have that Mobius still exists?”

 

“Well…” Sebastian begins, “that car from yesterday, for starters.”

 

“What about that car leads you to believe it had anything to do with Mobius?” Stefano presses.

 

“It was with us for several miles,” Sebastian supplies.  “It sped up when we sped up, slowed down when we slowed down, changed lanes when we changed lanes.”

 

“Is it possible,” Stefano begins, and despite the gentle tone of his voice and the way he is now carding his fingers through Sebastian’s hair, he is starting to remind Sebastian of one of those irritating defense attorneys who will trick him into saying something that undermines his case, “that those things happened by coincidence?”

 

Sebastian pauses, tries to think this through, because Stefano is being polite and civil and even kind to Sebastian at the moment, and Sebastian doesn’t want to let the prickling irritation at the back of his mind take over and cause him to snap at Stefano.  He carefully considers what the car did and decides that yes, it is possible that this was a coincidence.  “Possible, but unlikely,” he replies.

 

“Has anything happened besides that car yesterday that makes you think that Mobius is still active?”  Stefano asks. 

 

Sebastian thinks hard on that.  He has certainly seen suspicious people and suspicious vehicles on their trip, but he can’t point to anything else that actually has a concrete link to Mobius.  He sighs.  “I don’t know, Stefano.  I just…I just don’t think such a powerful organization can be destroyed so easily.”

 

“I’m sorry, are you suggesting that escaping from STEM and destroying Mobius was easy?” Stefano asks, and that gets a chuckle out of Sebastian, because Stefano is right- none of that was easy at all.  It was one of the most difficult tasks Sebastian has faced, one of the most stressful times in his life.  Despite his attempt at humor, Stefano makes a good point.  They have worked hard to get where they are, along with Kidman and Myra and all of the others, and maybe Sebastian isn’t giving them enough credit for all the work they’ve done.

 

“No,” Sebastian answers.  “You’re right about that.”  He shifts uncomfortably as he tries to organize his thoughts.  “It’s just that I’m not sure we’d have any obvious signs that Mobius still exists.  There weren’t any signs the first time, at least not any that I could see.”

 

“That is a fair point,” Stefano says.  “We need more information.  Do you have any idea how we can obtain that?”

 

“I don’t think we can,” Sebastian says, letting out his breath in a frustrated huff.  “Kidman is the only one who could tell us anything, and I’m sure she’s on the run like we are.”

 

“Just because she is on the run doesn’t mean she is inaccessible,” Stefano points out, readjusting Sebastian’s icepack, which is starting to slip again.  “Surely you have a phone number or an email address?”

 

“I do,” Sebastian answers thoughtfully, “as long as she hasn’t changed it.  Seems like a huge risk to reach out to her though.  If there is anyone more likely than us to be monitored, it’s Kidman.”

 

“I think it is important that we contact her though,” Stefano says.  “If she is the only one who might be able to give us a realistic idea of Mobius’ current status.”

 

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Sebastian replies.  Truth be told, Stefano is being pretty reasonable about all of this.  He isn’t dismissing the threat of Mobius out of hand, though Sebastian can see that Stefano is leaning pretty hard on the lack of concrete evidence of Mobius activity.  “Thanks for not blowing me off.”

 

Stefano smiles down at him.  “We are a team, Sebastian.  Please remember that.  You do not have to take on all of the responsibility for protecting us yourself.”

 

“I know,” Sebastian says.  “I know you can take care of yourself; I’ve seen you do it.”

 

“But I don’t intend to just take care of myself,” Stefano cuts in.  “I intend to take care of you and Lily as well.”

 

Stefano’s words bring a smile to Sebastian’s face, but it is wiped off instantly when those same words trigger a memory from last night, a memory of something truly awful that he said to Stefano.

 

“Stefano,” he says, reaching up to move his icepack aside so that he can look at Stefano through both eyes, “I’m really sorry about what I said about you not having a family. You’re part of our family now, and I just…”  He thinks for a moment, trying to decide how to best explain why he said what he said, and what he was thinking, because he did not intend to hurt Stefano.  However, this seems like one of those times when a sincere apology is better than an explanation.  “I’m sorry,” he finishes, but the words sound hollow.

 

“I do want to protect our family,” Stefano says, “but more than your apology, I need you to let me help.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, because he can’t think of any time that he’s stopped Stefano from doing something for him or Lily.

 

“You are taking on all of this responsibility without consulting me at all,” Stefano begins.  “Tell me what you are thinking.  Tell me when you see something suspicious.  Let me help you assess these potential threats.”

 

Sebastian shakes his head, because Stefano won’t be able to appreciate the dangers that Sebastian perceives in relatively mundane situations.  “You wouldn’t understand.”

 

“Try me,” Stefano says smoothly.  There is a hint of challenge in his voice, but no anger.  “The next time you detect something out of the ordinary, tell me.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  He still doubts that Stefano will see things the way he sees them, but talking to Stefano about potential threats seems like a pretty reasonable concession to make.

 

“So, we have a plan,” Stefano says, replacing the icepack on Sebastian’s face.  “We will reach out to Kidman to determine the status of Mobius, and in the meantime, we will discuss potential threats together before taking any action.”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian replies, because all in all, it’s not a bad plan.  More information certainly won’t hurt, and Stefano’s plans, at least the ones executed in STEM, have an impressive rate of success.  Besides, on some level Sebastian knows that they have to reach some sort of arrangement that they can live with long term.  Their current situation is not sustainable.

 

Stefano’s fingers are working deeper into his hair now, and Sebastian moans softly as they gently scratch at his scalp.

 

“Here, rest your head in my lap,” Stefano suggests.  “I can reach you better that way.”

 

“Is this a trick?” Sebastian asks, even as they are repositioning so that Sebastian can lie with his head in Stefano’s lap.  “Is this how you’re going to convince me to stop worrying about Mobius?”

 

“Is it working?” Stefano asks, and they both laugh a little, but then Stefano is smoothing down his hair and saying more seriously, “I am only trying to help you relax.”

 

“You’re so good to me,” murmurs Sebastian, at the exact moment that he realizes some more of the hurtful things he said to Stefano last night.  Stefano is probably getting tired of hearing him apologize, but he launches into it anyway.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t appreciating that last night.”

 

“Wait,” Stefano says.  “There is some truth to what you said.”  He pauses before adding, “I have learned over time that I experience emotions differently from most people.  You knew that from when we were in STEM, yes?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies, torn between focusing on Stefano’s words, which are clearly important, and Stefano’s fingers which are hard at work on his scalp again and making little shivers of pleasure run up and down his spine.

 

“I have been feeling some new emotions since I met you and Lily, and I am still struggling to process some of them, to figure out what they mean and what to do about them.”

 

Sebastian nods, because what Stefano is saying makes sense to him.  The Stefano he knows now displays a much wider emotional range than the Stefano he first met in STEM, and Sebastian has seen him overwhelmed or confused by his feelings on previous occasions.

 

“And I know that I have not been expressing them very clearly, and for that I apologize,” Stefano says.  “Please don’t doubt the sincerity of my feelings simply because I am not always able to articulate them.”

 

“I don’t,” Sebastian says, placing his hand on Stefano’s knee.  “You really are good to me.  I’m just kind of an ass when I drink.”

 

“Indeed, you are,” Stefano replies, and his hands leave Sebastian’s hair to trail down his chest, carefully avoiding scrapes and bruises.  Sebastian still hurts all over, and the contrast of Stefano’s gentle touch feels amazing, gives his nerve endings something to focus on that isn’t pain.  Stefano’s hands sweep across his chest and stomach a few times, and Sebastian closes his eyes and relaxes, trying to block out the other sensations.

 

Then Stefano’s hand is at the waistband of his pajama pants, and Sebastian’s eyes open abruptly.  Stefano’s fingers are lightly teasing his belly, just above the fabric, and Stefano’s eye is fixed on his face.  “Is this alright?” he asks, “I mean, are you feeling well enough to-”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian cuts him off, because he is definitely feeling well enough.  The pain in his head has receded as they have been talking, the nausea is gone, and the way Stefano is touching him seems to be helping to distract him from the pain in the rest of his body.  Besides, Sebastian is already starting to feel the insistent tingling of arousal whenever Stefano’s fingers touch his skin.

 

Stefano smiles and slides his hand down the outside of Sebastian’s pajama pants to rub his cock and balls.  Even though he’s not hard yet, the contact is lovely and caring and driving his excitement to greater heights as he sighs deeply and stretches his legs out, lifting his hips up into Stefano’s hand.

 

The icepack is getting a little distracting, so Sebastian takes it and sets it aside on the night table.  He brings his hand back to Stefano’s knee, then lets it run suggestively up his thigh.  Stefano’s other hand lands on it, stopping its progress.

 

“Not now,” Stefano says, though he doesn’t look upset.  “Just relax and enjoy.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  Much as he loves touching and pleasing Stefano, he is certainly not going to object to Stefano doing something nice for him, and Stefano’s touch is much more than just nice.  He is rubbing more firmly now, putting just the right amount of pressure on Sebastian’s cock, which is growing harder with each stroke of his hand.  His other hand returns to Sebastian’s chest to tug playfully at a nipple before giving it a hard pinch.

 

Sebastian gasps, because apparently Stefano remembers the way that Sebastian likes to be touched from their previous sessions.  He gives the other nipple the same treatment, his rough movements drawing a soft cry from Sebastian, because the sensation goes straight to his cock.  His hips are twitching of their own accord as Stefano squeezes and tugs, and he groans, “Please, Stefano.”

 

Stefano shifts his position, moving to lie down next to Sebastian so that he can keep his hand on Sebastian’s cock and also take Sebastian’s nipple in his mouth, giving it a wet swipe of his tongue before his teeth close on it.  It hurts a little, but it’s that perfect, exciting kind of hurt that promises so many other feelings, and Sebastian moans and brings his hands up to cradle Stefano’s head, to encourage him to not stop doing such wonderful things with his lips and his teeth and his tongue.

 

Fortunately Stefano seems to have no intention of stopping.  He soothes Sebastian’s throbbing nipple with gentle swipes of his tongue, then draws it into his mouth to suckle, and Sebastian is making a noise deep in his throat and pressing his hips up into Stefano’s hand again.

 

Stefano releases his nipple and leans up to kiss him on the mouth as his hand starts to slip under Sebastian’s pajama pants.  Dimly, Sebastian’s remembers the reason he put these pants on in the first place.  He pulls back from Stefano’s mouth a little.

 

“Can you lock the door?” he asks.  “I don’t know when Lily will be up.”

 

“Of course,” Stefano says, disentangling himself from Sebastian and getting up from their bed to lock the door.  When he turns around, Sebastian’s breath catches in his throat at the look in Stefano’s eye, which is dark and needy and lustful.  Stefano has only the faintest hint of a smile on his face as he says, “I don’t think you will want Lily to see what I’m about to do to you.”

 

Sebastian’s heart leaps into his throat, and he thinks he might be harder than he’s ever been in his life.

 

 

 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefano can’t actually remember the last time he was in a library, but it was probably in Florence. The slightly musty smell of books, some of them apparently quite old, brings a sense of nostalgia, and he finds himself wistfully trailing his fingers along the spine of one of them when Lily appears suddenly at his side.
> 
> “Is Dad going to be okay?” she asks in an exaggerated whisper.
> 
> Stefano smiles, because at least children today still know that one is supposed to be quiet in a library. “I think so,” he replies. “He only wants to protect you- protect us- but he gets carried away sometimes.”

 

 

“Oh, fuck,” breathes Sebastian, his eyes wide and glazed with lust.  Stefano approaches the bed, relieved that Sebastian seems to be responding so well to his advances.  He is being a little more forward this time, taking more control.  He wasn’t sure if Sebastian would like that, but clearly there was no need to worry.  Sebastian must have really meant what he said about wanting to do anything with him.

 

Sebastian’s eyes are locked on him, and his chest is heaving as Stefano grasps his pajama pants and pulls them down and off, leaving Sebastian completely exposed.  As usual, this doesn’t faze Sebastian at all, and his cock is standing proudly at attention as Stefano sits down on the bed next to him.  Sebastian’s cock is quite marvelous, Stefano muses as he takes it in hand, drawing a gasp from Sebastian.  It is long and thick and perfectly shaped, and Stefano can’t imagine how his body will ever accommodate something this size if they had to work so hard the other day for just one finger.  He puts that thought out of his mind.  It’s not about him this time; it’s about Sebastian.

 

To that end, he slides his hand down Sebastian’s cock and leans in, his tongue darting out to swipe across the head.  Sebastian utters a muffled curse and his hips thrust up, his cock bumping against Stefano’s mouth in the process.

 

“Sorry,” he says quickly, placing a hand on Stefano’s arm.

 

“That’s alright,” Stefano replies, sitting up.  Sebastian is always so courteous and so attentive to his comfort, but this time Stefano doesn’t want him to resist his own impulses.  “Don’t hold back.  Show me what feels good to you.”

 

“Everything you do feels good to me,” murmurs Sebastian.

 

Stefano leans back down over Sebastian, and this time he takes Sebastian’s cock fully into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks to create suction as he begins the slow slide up and down.

 

“Fuck!” Sebastian says, a little too loudly, before he claps a hand over his mouth.  The wordless groans he makes as Stefano sucks and strokes and teases with his tongue are muffled by his hand, but Sebastian is literally squirming underneath him.  Stefano braces his forearm across Sebastian’s hips, steadying him so that he can continue to worship Sebastian’s cock without interference, but Sebastian only seems more excited now that he has something to squirm against.

 

When the movements of Sebastian’s hips start to become more rhythmic, more purposeful, Stefano backs off, because he doesn’t want him to come just yet.  There are a few more things he’d like to do while he has Sebastian so compliant.  He lifts his mouth off of Sebastian’s cock with one last slow suck that has Sebastian breathing in deeply and then exhaling in a rush.

 

Sebastian lifts his hand from his mouth.  “Are you trying to kill me?” he asks.

 

Stefano smiles.  “I much prefer you alive.”

 

“Well that is one of my many redeeming qualities,” Sebastian answers, and there is enough of the usual swagger in his voice to make Stefano feel warm on the inside.  He loves all of the versions of Sebastian, but cocky, confident Sebastian is the one who puts him the most at ease.

 

Instead of trying to come up with an answer to Sebastian’s ridiculous comment, Stefano bows his head again, and Sebastian has to quickly cover his mouth as Stefano’s tongue traces his balls.  Stefano doesn’t recall ever putting his mouth here before, and the skin is oddly textured under his tongue, but the whines and gasps coming from behind Sebastian’s hand are all of the encouragement he needs.  He explores all around, thoroughly bathing Sebastian’s balls in the process and relishing how responsive Sebastian is, the noises he makes, the small movements of his hips, the way the hand that isn’t covering his mouth grabs a fistful of the sheets.

 

By the time Stefano is drawing Sebastian’s balls, one at a time, into his mouth to suck gently as his hand continues to work up and down Sebastian’s cock, Sebastian is moaning into his hand and moving his legs apart to give Stefano more room to work, which is just perfect for what Stefano wants to do next.  He releases Sebastian’s balls from his mouth and raises his head to look at Sebastian.

 

“Where is the lube?” he asks, and he swears that he can actually see Sebastian’s pupils dilate when he asks the question.

 

Sebastian draws in his breath quickly as he removes his hand from his mouth.  “My bag, same pocket as before,” he says breathlessly, and Stefano feels a thrill of excitement run through him at how obviously aroused Sebastian is.  He knows where Sebastian keeps the lubricant of course, but it was worth asking that question to see the look on Sebastian’s face.

 

Stefano leaves the bed for a moment to locate Sebastian’s bag and the lube, and when he turns back to the bed, Sebastian is staring fixedly at him, chest rising and falling rapidly.  Sebastian offers absolutely no resistance as Stefano guides his legs farther apart and sits down in between them.

 

“Is everything alright?” Stefano asks, because even though Sebastian did explicitly tell him that this would be okay several nights ago, he doesn’t want to make any assumptions.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers quickly, his voice strained, “but only if you start touching me.  I can’t wait much longer.”

 

Stefano pauses for a moment to drink in the sight of Sebastian, because this is something he would like to photograph.  Sebastian looks utterly debauched, eyes glazed, mouth slightly open, hair in disarray, hands still fisted in the sheets, cock hard and leaking pre-cum onto his belly, and legs splayed around Stefano, shamelessly open and ready for him.  Stefano isn’t trying to be cruel by making Sebastian wait, but he finds himself a little short of breath just looking at Sebastian, who is so powerful, so confident, yet so willing to give himself over to Stefano.

 

“Stefano, please,” Sebastian practically whines, and Stefano has to remind himself that this is really about Sebastian and that it is unfair to deny him his pleasure just so that Stefano can continue to admire him.

 

“Alright,” Stefano says, pouring some lubricant onto his hand so that he can slick his first two fingers.  He isn’t sure exactly what Sebastian will like, but if Sebastian is as expressive as usual, he is sure he will be able to figure it out.

 

Sebastian raises his legs, pressing his heels into the mattress so that he can lift his hips up, exposing himself completely to Stefano’s curious fingers.  They start out just tracing the outside of Sebastian’s opening, spreading lube and stroking lightly and causing Sebastian’s muscles to twitch.  Sebastian’s head is back on the pillow now, and he is looking up at the ceiling, breathing deeply.

 

Stefano’s fingers make more sweeping circles, exerting a little more pressure each time, until he detects something on Sebastian’s face that might be a wince.

 

“What’s wrong?” Stefano asks, concerned all over again about whether he can touch Sebastian here without hurting him.  He is feeling much more confident after what happened two nights ago, because having Sebastian’s finger inside him was painless and in fact very pleasurable at times, but maybe he is doing something that is causing Sebastian discomfort.

 

“Just sore from last night,” Sebastian says.  “It’s hard to keep my legs up like this.”  He is quiet for a moment.  “Here,” he says suddenly, reaching for another pillow and lifting his hips up to tuck the pillow underneath himself.  “That should do it.”

 

The new arrangement does seem to be effective, as Sebastian can let his legs fall open and relaxed and Stefano still has complete access to his body.  His fingers return to their circles, occasionally stopping to press lightly against Sebastian’s opening.  He is not penetrating yet, just teasing the tight ring of muscle with his slick fingertips, but Sebastian is already breathing hard, his beautiful cock still erect even though it’s been untouched for several minutes now.

 

Sebastian draws in one particularly deep breath and lets it out in a huff.  “If this is my punishment for last night, then I accept, but this is cruel and unusual.”

 

Stefano stills his hand, because he certainly doesn’t want Sebastian to take this as a punishment when what he intends is to give Sebastian pleasure.  “You think I would do this to punish you?” he asks.

 

“It was a joke,” Sebastian says with a dismissive wave of his hand.  “Maybe not a particularly good one.  And it’s not what you’re doing.  It’s how you’re doing it.”

 

“Ah,” Stefano says, beginning to understand Sebastian’s terrible attempt at humor.  “And how would you suggest that I do it?”

 

“I want your fingers in me now,” Sebastian says through gritted teeth, and Stefano notes that his cheeks are tinged with pink.  “Please,” Sebastian adds.

 

“Very well,” Stefano says.  As much as he enjoys watching Sebastian squirm, he also wants to see him lose control.  He rubs the pad of his finger over Sebastian’s opening again, exerting a little more pressure until his finger begins to slide into Sebastian’s body.  The lube makes it so easy and gentle that any fears Stefano had about hurting Sebastian are quickly dispelled.

 

Sebastian groans, throwing his head back against the pillow and clutching at the sheets again, but Stefano is also acutely aware of what he is feeling himself, the heat of Sebastian around him, the way Sebastian’s body grips his finger so tightly, even with lube easing the way.  He presses even farther in, as Sebastian moans and quivers and pants under him.

 

When his finger is all the way inside Sebastian, he pauses, letting his other hand come to rest on Sebastian’s inner thigh.  “Still feeling good?” he asks, even though he is fairly sure he knows the answer based on Sebastian’s body language.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, exhaling heavily.  “Just a little different.  It’s been a while since I…”  He shakes his head, looking up at the ceiling, before he continues, “Yeah, it’s good.  I need more though.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Stefano says, stroking Sebastian’s thigh in what he hopes is a soothing manner, “you can have as much as you want.”  He slides his finger in and out just a little, curious at the feeling.  He has never done this before, and he is suddenly acutely aware that part of his body is inside Sebastian’s, but Sebastian wants more, and he does intend to give Sebastian what he wants.

 

He remembers the way Sebastian touched him the other night, how good Sebastian made him feel, and he crooks his finger, searching for that place.  He knows he’s found it when Sebastian’s hips jerk up off the bed and Sebastian cries out, clapping a hand over his mouth a split-second too late.  Stefano backs his finger off for a moment, allowing Sebastian to collect himself.  Sebastian can’t seem to stop quivering under him, and he keeps his hand pressed over his mouth.

 

Stefano knows from experience how sensitive this area is, so he varies his pressure and technique to keep Sebastian from getting overwhelmed.  He alternates between lightly sweeping over the spot, massaging it firmly, and moving away from it entirely to thrust his finger in and out of Sebastian, which makes lovely wet sounds on every stroke.

 

Sebastian is thrilling to watch in his pleasure, so open and relaxed and unconstrained.  He whines and moans and practically screams when Stefano becomes more focused and a little rougher in his assault on Sebastian’s prostate.  After a few minutes, Sebastian ends up holding a pillow over his face to absorb the sounds that are pouring out of his mouth, but he can’t seem to do anything to stop his hips from moving, and he continues to press himself down onto Stefano’s fingers.

 

“Ready for more?” Stefano asks, though again, he knows what the answer will be.

 

“Please,” Sebastian says, voice sounding so broken, almost like a sob, and muffled by the pillow.

 

Stefano adds a little more lubricant to his middle finger to make sure that this will be pleasant and comfortable for Sebastian, and draws his index finger out so that he can press back in with two.  Again, Sebastian takes them in so easily, and he is already moaning as Stefano draws them out to thrust in again, bumping against Sebastian’s prostate as he does so.

 

Stefano is thankful for the pillow at that moment, because the noise Sebastian makes is part yell and part sob, and it would have been loud if not for the muffling effect of the pillow.  He pats Sebastian’s thigh, because he is sure that Sebastian is beyond words right now, but he wants to convey his affection and comfort all the same.

 

He continues to thrust his fingers in and out, and Sebastian pants and moans into his pillow.  Stefano can’t understand everything he is saying, but he certainly seems to be enjoying himself.  He draws his legs up to accommodate Stefano even more, and Stefano presses both of his fingers in to the hilt and just grinds them against Sebastian’s prostate, not letting up even when Sebastian’s moans turn into whimpers and his muscles start to twitch all around Stefano’s fingers.  He keeps them there, pressing hard as Sebastian sobs out Stefano’s name and comes onto his own chest.

 

Even then, he continues to apply light pressure there, rubbing small circles until Sebastian has gone completely still, the only noise in the room his deep, ragged breaths.  Then Stefano eases his fingers out of Sebastian’s body.  His other hand begins to move, rubbing Sebastian’s belly and inner thighs, avoiding some of the more sensitive places in favor of soothing Sebastian through the aftershocks of his climax.

 

“That was beautiful, Sebastian,” Stefano says, and his opinion doesn’t change when Sebastian casts the pillow aside and looks him full in the face.  He is still disheveled, eyes glazed, and completely strung out on pleasure, and Stefano could look at this version of Sebastian all day.

 

“Thank you,” gasps Sebastian when he is able to speak again.  “Thank you.  That was perfect.  It’s been way too long.”  Stefano smiles, still petting Sebastian’s lower body as Sebastian stretches, extending his legs on either side of Stefano.

 

“Let me get you a washcloth,” Stefano says, reluctantly abandoning his touching of Sebastian to rise from the bed and go into the bathroom.  He washes his hands and wets a cloth with warm water, then returns to the bedroom, where Sebastian seems to have become rather drowsy and not at all helpful in the clean-up procedure.

 

Stefano carefully wipes down his chest and cleans up the excess lubricant as well.  He tosses the washcloth to the floor and crawls into bed beside Sebastian, who is now totally unresponsive.  Stefano feels a strange sense of pride that he was able to reduce Sebastian to this state.  He checks the clock.  It’s possible that Lily will let them sleep a while longer, so he pulls the covers over both of them, kisses Sebastian’s cheek, pillows his head on Sebastian’s shoulder, and closes his eyes.

 

 

 

When Stefano wakes up an hour later, it is to a tapping on the door to their room and Lily’s tentative voice.  “Dad?” she calls through the door.

 

Sebastian is immediately in motion.  “Hold on, sweetie.  I’m coming!” he yells, sounding surprisingly awake as he rolls out from under Stefano and off of the bed, catching himself and frantically searching the floor for his pajama pants.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, “Nothing is wrong.  She just wants to see you.”

 

By this time, Sebastian is struggling into his pants, but he slows down and looks at Stefano, then heaves a sigh.  “Right,” he says to Stefano.  “I’m not really awake yet.”  Then he raises his voice to speak to Lily.  “Just a minute, Lily.  I’ll be right there.”

 

Sebastian goes to his bag and digs out a slightly wrinkled T-shirt, pulls it on, and heads for the door.  He has barely opened it before Lily is bursting through, leaping into his arms as he kneels down to catch her.  Stefano watches their reunion, the warmth in his chest at their obvious affection for each other tinged with a bittersweet feeling, a sort of distance between himself and the happy scene, because those feelings and that sort of relationship are quite alien to him.

 

He reflects on what he said to Sebastian last night and earlier this morning.  It is not wrong to say that he loves Sebastian.  He does love him, but he loves him the way that he loves a beautiful painting or a perfectly composed photograph.  Sebastian is pleasing to him, but Stefano knows that is not the way that most people love other people.  There are other things there too, an appreciation of Sebastian’s company, a desire for his comfort and safety, and a longing to feel something else for him, to feel what everyone else is feeling, what Stefano should be feeling.

 

Stefano is used to being different from everyone around him, and usually it doesn’t bother him in the slightest, but there is a part of him that wants to see Sebastian the way Sebastian sees him.  He puts these thoughts aside for the moment, because Sebastian and Lily are finished with their hug and Sebastian is turning to Stefano.

 

“I need to have a talk with Lily,” he says, looking like he wishes that he hadn’t engaged in behavior that necessitates this kind of talk.  “Can you give us a few minutes?”

 

“Of course,” Stefano replies.  He cannot imagine how one goes about explaining what happened yesterday to a child, and he is perfectly happy to let Sebastian handle that task.

 

Lily bounds out into the hallway, and Sebastian starts to follow, but turns back to Stefano.  “Thank you again for taking care of her last night,” he says, voice lowered so that only Stefano can hear him.  “I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

 

Sebastian is gone from the doorway before Stefano can figure out how to respond to that, but the warm feeling is back, and it feels much too good to be appreciated by Sebastian.

 

Stefano gets out of bed, stretches and heads for the bathroom, closing the bedroom door along the way.  He starts the water running and strips his clothes off, preparing for a much-needed shower, when he catches sight of himself in the mirror.  He doesn’t make a habit of looking at himself, because his own face certainly does not meet his finely honed aesthetic for beauty.  His body has also been difficult to look at since he emerged from STEM, wasted away as it is, though he does note that he looks a little more filled out and little less angular than he did a week ago.

 

He sighs deeply.  When he looks upon himself like this it is hard to imagine what Sebastian is seeing that holds his rapt attention, makes him stare at Stefano with that predatory look in his eyes, but clearly there is something.  While Sebastian is rash and emotional and often fails to think things through, he wouldn’t lie, not about something this important.

 

He steps into the shower, turning his attention back to the previous day.  He has been worried for some time that Sebastian’s paranoia about Mobius was going to get them into trouble.  Sebastian had been quite unpredictable, bouncing back and forth between being logical and grounded and spinning wild theories, and Stefano supposes that it was only a matter of time before he decided to act on one of those theories in a way that proved dangerous.

 

Clearly what happened yesterday cannot happen again, and Stefano hopes that if Sebastian is willing to discuss his fears with Stefano before acting on them, that will hold them over until they can get in touch with Kidman and gain a realistic perspective on the status of Mobius, if it even still exists at all.  Stefano’s cool, rational approach could serve as the perfect balance to Sebastian’s hyper-vigilance, if only Sebastian will allow that.

 

The drinking is another matter entirely, and one that Stefano was also afraid might resurface.  He is familiar with vices, remembers in particular the euphoric rush of creating art, and how it makes him feel good and alive and in-control even when nothing else about his life is going according to plan.  If alcohol is Sebastian’s vice, then he is probably always going to be in danger of returning to it when he feels out-of-control in his life.  That said, Sebastian is also incredibly stubborn, so if he sets his mind to not drinking, it is difficult to say which side will prevail.

 

At any rate, Stefano feels something for Sebastian, more than he has felt for anyone in a long time, and he wants to be with Sebastian, and he knew what he was getting into when he agreed to stay with Sebastian and Lily.  There is a small voice in the back of his head that wants to take the easy way out, to strike out on his own, to free himself from the bothersome aspects of human relationships, but it is quickly subdued by his conscious mind.  Sebastian is someone special, and he is worth fighting for, and Stefano is not giving up on him over something like this.

 

Stefano finishes washing himself, turns off the water, and steps out of the shower with new resolve.  There is a way for this to work.  There is a way for him and Sebastian and Lily to build a life together, and he is not giving up on it before they even start.  He dries off and dresses in what is literally his last pair of clean clothes, and goes out to the living room.

 

Sebastian and Lily must have finished their talk, because they are sprawled on the couch watching cartoons.

 

“Good morning,” Stefano says to Lily.

 

“Good morning,” Lily replies with a smile that tells Stefano that her talk with Sebastian must have gone relatively well.

 

“What’s the plan for today?” he asks Sebastian.

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says with a slight frown.  “What do you think?”

 

Stefano is taken aback that Sebastian isn’t already trying to load them into the car to leave town, so he suggests, “Let’s stay here another night.  We desperately need to do laundry, and you can find a way to contact Kidman.”

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath, but nods.  “Yeah,” he says, “let’s do that.”  He turns to Lily.  “Time to get dressed if you want breakfast,” he says, and Lily, who always wants breakfast, is on her feet and disappearing into her room in a flash.

 

Sebastian extends a hand to Stefano, who takes it and allows Sebastian to pull him down onto the couch, or more accurately, onto Sebastian’s lap.  “I hear you did some pretty exceptional parenting last night,” he murmurs into Stefano’s hair before kissing his cheek.

 

“It was nothing,” Stefano says, though he can feel a smile creeping onto his face at Sebastian’s words.

 

“Lily was impressed,” Sebastian says.

 

Stefano laughs at that.  “I am glad I was up to the task.”

 

There is pause before Sebastian speaks again.  “You know, I wouldn’t have left her with just anybody.”

 

“I know,” Stefano replies.  He is still finding it hard to believe that Sebastian left her at all.  When he told Sebastian to leave last night, he had expected that Sebastian would retreat to the living room so that Stefano could compose himself, because, despite Sebastian’s assertions to the contrary, Stefano was experiencing some very strong feelings at the time.

 

Sebastian shifts under him.  “I guess I’d better get dressed if we’re going out for breakfast,” Sebastian says.  Stefano turns in his arms to kiss him before standing up and allowing Sebastian to get off the couch and shuffle into the bedroom to change.

 

 

 

After breakfast in the hotel restaurant, Sebastian suggests that they go to the public library and use one of the computers there to try to get an email to Kidman, rather than using his phone.  It sounds about as paranoid and convoluted as most of Sebastian’s ideas, but it is also unlikely to put them in any danger, and Stefano is choosing his battles at the moment.

 

As it turns out, the town has a decent library, and while Sebastian sits at one of the computer terminals, Stefano and Lily wander the aisles.  Stefano can’t actually remember the last time he was in a library, but it was probably in Florence.  The slightly musty smell of books, some of them apparently quite old, brings a sense of nostalgia, and he finds himself wistfully trailing his fingers along the spine of one of them when Lily appears suddenly at his side.

 

“Is Dad going to be okay?” she asks in an exaggerated whisper.

 

Stefano smiles, because at least children today still know that one is supposed to be quiet in a library.  “I think so,” he replies.  “He only wants to protect you- protect us- but he gets carried away sometimes.”

 

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Lily whispers back.  “That’s what happened to Mom.”

 

Those words hit Stefano hard, because Lily hasn’t spoken of Myra much at all since their first day on the road.  He opens his mouth to reply, but Lily continues.

 

“She wanted to keep me safe, but she took me away from everyone.  Is that what Dad wants?”  The expression on her face is strained, pleading, and Stefano isn’t sure that he is up to the task of reassuring her, but he is willing to give it a try.

 

“That’s not what you father wants, Lily,” he says, “but he does sometimes forget about other things when he is trying so hard to protect you.”  He pauses, because he has had this conversation with Sebastian multiple times, but he isn’t sure if Lily has.  “Have you talked to him about this?”

 

“No,” Lily answers.  “I’m afraid he’ll get mad, like yesterday.”

 

“I don’t think he could ever be angry at you,” Stefano says, putting a hand on Lily’s arm and giving her a reassuring squeeze.  “You should talk to him.  Just choose a time when he isn’t already worked up about something.”

 

“Okay,” Lily sighs, “I’ll try.  Do you think they have any books about art here?”

 

Stefano smiles, because it is just like Lily to ask for a book about something as broad as ‘art’.  She is in many ways a blank slate, trapped as she was inside her own mind and not subject to the influences of popular media for several years.  Of course, she was receiving input from the other minds in STEM, and Stefano pauses for a moment to wonder whether the reason that they seem to mesh so well artistically is that the strongest creative influence Lily had in STEM would have been Stefano himself.

 

It is a fascinating idea, almost as though Lily has been his student this whole time without either of them realizing it.  It also feels suspiciously like mind control, which reminds Stefano of Theodore and sends a shiver up his spine.  He shakes off that idea, because Lily is still looking at him expectantly.

 

“Yes, I’m sure they do.  Let’s go and find out.”

 

They end up sitting on the floor in the art section, too entranced by the books to bother finding a table.  There are huge anthologies of famous works, lengthy histories, and even some books of more modern art, and Lily is like a sponge, soaking up all of the information and asking questions of her own.  Stefano would not have said that he gets along particularly well with children, but he is starting to wonder if that is because all of the children he has met before Lily were simply inferior.

 

It is tremendously enjoyable to share his passion for art with someone who has no ego, who listens and asks and suggests without trying to change his own vision or his perception of others’ work.  One of the strangest paradoxes in the field of art is the emphasis on creating one’s own vision coupled with the absolute necessity of approval from others.

 

Lily, however, offers neither approval nor condemnation, seeming to appreciate art for its own sake, and it is refreshing to be able to discuss the formal elements of various pieces with someone who isn’t constantly asking him whether it counts as art or why someone would create this.

 

They are deep in a discussion of the differences between sculpture and other media when someone clears their throat at the end of the aisle.  They both look up in some surprise to see Sebastian, who is leaning on a bookshelf with a bemused expression on his face.  Stefano has the impression that he has been there for a while.

 

“Did you get your email sent?” Stefano asks, closing the book on his lap and handing it to Lily, who has a knack for remembering where each book was placed on the shelf.  He stands up and dusts himself off.

 

“Yeah, I think so,” Sebastian replies.  “Sent it to the last address and phone number I had for her.  I can’t imagine she still uses them, but maybe she at least monitors them?”  He pauses.  “Hopefully no one else is monitoring them…”

 

“That’s quite enough of that,” Stefano cuts in, patting Sebastian on the arm.  “You’ve done what you can do.  Now we can only wait and see if she responds.”

 

Sebastian nods, though the look on his face suggests he’d rather be actively engaged in doing something than waiting.

 

After leaving the library, they stop at a grocery store to get some things for dinner, which Sebastian insists it is his turn to make, despite various protestations and gagging noises from Lily, and then return to the hotel.  While it isn’t a particularly interesting place, it is still a welcome sight to Stefano simply because it is not the inside of their SUV.

 

It is a quiet day, the first one in some time.  Sebastian and Lily go to the pool, which Stefano gladly passes up in favor of a nap.  Later, all three of them go for a walk in the downtown area, and Lily finds several subjects for her photography, while Stefano is content to walk next to Sebastian, shoulders almost touching.  They do start down one particular street before Sebastian calls Lily back and suggests they go another way.  As they turn back, Stefano pats Sebastian on the back, and Sebastian just shakes his head.

 

Back at the hotel, Sebastian and Lily start dinner, and Stefano takes on the ancient machines in the hotel’s laundry room.  He isn’t sure if they are actually washing anything, but they are certainly making a lot of very dramatic noises.  Dinner is surprisingly good and contains no cinnamon that Stefano can detect, so perhaps Lily has reined in Sebastian’s culinary experiments somewhat.

 

It becomes apparent that Sebastian has been living alone for quite a while when they are all sitting down after dinner to fold the laundry.  Lily is laughing openly at Sebastian’s attempts at folding, and Stefano is barely restraining his own laughter.  Fortunately, Sebastian seems to take it in stride, and in fact starts folding the clothes in increasingly ridiculous ways, until Lily is rolling on the floor in hysterics.

 

They end up snuggled up on the couch watching a movie, and Lily makes it to the end this time before she says goodnight.  She extends her hand to Stefano who kisses it while Sebastian tries not to laugh, and then goes into the bedroom for her usual goodnight routine with Sebastian.

 

Sebastian is gone longer than usual, and Stefano wonders if Lily has taken his advice to voice some of her concerns to him, but when Sebastian emerges, his expression is unreadable, and Stefano doesn’t want to ask about it.

 

It is not until they are getting ready for bed that Stefano realizes that Sebastian has been unusually hands-off with him today.  Even in bed this morning, Sebastian was mainly allowing Stefano to touch him or reciprocating touches that Stefano initiated.  Stefano’s first thought is that perhaps he has done something wrong, but then he remembers last night, remembers how apologetic Sebastian was this morning, and decides that it is much more likely that Sebastian is feeling remorseful for handling him a bit roughly.

 

When they are actually getting under the covers and Sebastian still hasn’t reached for him, Stefano sighs deeply and says, “You can touch me, you know.”

 

“I know,” Sebastian says from the other side of the bed.  “It’s just…I fucked up, and I really want to do this right.”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, scooting closer to him.  “One mistake doesn’t mean that you have to start all over.”

 

“You’re not afraid of me?” Sebastian asks, raising a hand tentatively to Stefano’s face and trailing a thumb across his cheek.

 

“I never was,” Stefano says.  He leans in to kiss Sebastian, smiling as Sebastian’s moustache tickles his face.  Sebastian’s lips press gently against his, lacking their usual confidence, but when Stefano traces his tongue across Sebastian’s lower lip, he responds with a little groan and grasps Stefano’s waist, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

 

When Sebastian pulls back, he has that far away, lustful look in his eyes that Stefano has seen before, but he says, “Can I just hold you for tonight?  I know you’re okay, but I just need some time to process…I don’t know.  I just need some time.”

 

“Of course,” Stefano says, because he knows by now that Sebastian is harder on himself than anyone else, and also because being held by Sebastian sounds like a wonderful idea.  Sebastian rolls over onto his back, taking Stefano with him, and Stefano falls asleep with his body half-draped over Sebastian’s and his head resting on Sebastian’s chest.

 

 

 


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s really going to be that easy?” Sebastian asks in disbelief. “I mean, isn’t that a lot of trouble for you?”
> 
> “Not at all,” Kidman says. “I want to see you and Lily…and Stefano too.” She pauses, and her voice changes, becomes a little more wistful. “I know I can’t give you back what I- what Mobius- took from you, but whatever you need, I’ll make it happen.”
> 
> “Thanks, Kidman,” Sebastian says, swallowing down the lump that rises in his throat at Kidman’s dedication to their family. “I’ll keep an eye out for that text.”

 

 

“Come on, Dad.  Why won’t you let go of the side?” asks Lily as she breezes by Sebastian, who still has a death grip on the railing around the edge of the ice rink.

 

“Because I want to live!” Sebastian calls after her.  Stopping at the ice rink was definitely not his idea.  He never really got the hang of ice skating, despite numerous attempts by Myra to get him to skate with her, and the fact that he has so many bumps and bruises at the moment makes him even less eager to risk busting his ass.

 

Lily, on the other hand, seems to take after her mother.  Sebastian can’t remember taking her skating before, but she seems to be a natural, and she was zipping around within minutes of getting on the ice.  She has also joined up with a group of three other girls her age and has been skating with them, with occasional breaks to give Sebastian a hard time.

 

He stares after her, wondering if ice skating is a genetically acquired skill, when Stefano skids to a stop next to him.

 

“I take it you’ve done this before,” Sebastian states, because Stefano also seems to have either a talent for skating or some kind of experience.

 

“A few times,” Stefano replies with a shrug, “but it is also not so different from how I used to move about in STEM.  It requires similar skills- balance, spatial awareness-”

 

“Skills that I apparently don’t have,” Sebastian cuts in, a bit frustrated, because Stefano is making this sound much easier than it actually is.

 

“I didn’t say that,” Stefano says with a smirk as he skates up just behind Sebastian, who tenses, because if Stefano tries to grab onto him, he is definitely going to fall.  Luckily, Stefano isn’t trying to use Sebastian to support himself, though his chest is touching Sebastian’s back.  “But you are over-thinking this.”  He leans in closer to speak quietly into Sebastian’s ear.  “What is it that you are always telling me?  Relax?”

 

Sebastian definitely feels something at those words, but it is far from relaxed.  Remembering his time with Stefano in the bedroom makes his heart pound for entirely different reasons than an impending fall-related injury, and suddenly Sebastian is not thinking very much about ice-skating at all.

 

Stefano loops around in front of him and reaches out to put his hands on Sebastian’s hips.  “Don’t be so tense.  Bend your knees a bit.  Yes, like that.  Now just move your foot like this.”

 

Sebastian watches Stefano demonstrate the movement before he tries it himself, and it does feel much smoother than what he has been doing.  He tries it a few more times, gaining a little confidence and enjoying the fact that Stefano’s style of instruction, for this at least, is pretty hands-on.

 

After a few more minutes, Stefano and Lily, who are still building up their physical stamina, are ready for a break, and they all sit beside the rink sipping hot chocolate.  Sebastian thinks to point out that it’s still only October, but if they are going to go ice-skating, they might as well do it right.

 

“What else is on our agenda for today?” Stefano asks.

 

“Waffles,” Lily supplies.

 

Sebastian laughs.  “I think we can probably manage that.”  He turns to Stefano.  “We need to stop by a library so I can check for emails from Kidman.”  He hasn’t linked his email account to his new phone for obvious reasons, and he doesn’t want to try to send Kidman his new phone number until he is sure that he is actually talking to Kidman, so a public computer is the only place where he can follow up on his email right now.  “After that,” he continues, “I’m not sure.  Maybe keep heading west?”

 

“You know that you are eventually going to drive right into the ocean, yes?” Stefano asks, but his tone is playful.

 

“I’m hoping we’ll have a new plan before that happens,” Sebastian replies, though admitting that they need a new plan is about as far into this idea as Sebastian has ventured.  They have been meandering across the country, not spending too long traveling in any one direction but generally heading west.

 

They manage to find a waffle house, where Lily tries every kind of syrup in existence before declaring that blueberry is the best one.  Sebastian prefers good old maple syrup any day, but decides not to argue with Lily when she’s had so much sugar, so they move on to the public library.  Sebastian watches Stefano and Lily go off together while he sits down at a computer terminal, smiling to himself, because it is kind of sweet to see how well the two of them get along.

 

It makes Sebastian wonder for a moment if Stefano wanted children of his own, or what Stefano wanted out of life in general before Mobius lured him in.  His relationship with Stefano has been short and shockingly intense, but because of that, there is so much that they don’t know about each other.  Or perhaps, it’s because Stefano doesn’t remember much of his life before STEM.

 

Sebastian wonders whether these memories will ever fully return, and if they do, whether Stefano will want to stay with him and Lily.  He remembers reading in a file somewhere in Union that he himself is a bit of an anomaly- someone who has entered and left STEM without appropriate preparations.  He feels like he is the same person he was before STEM, but STEM has definitely changed him.  Maybe he is just experiencing a milder version of what happened to Stefano and the citizens of Union, but that makes him wonder how much the Stefano he knows now has in common with pre-Union Stefano.

 

He ultimately decides that he can’t get anywhere with that line of thought, and he logs into the free email account he created yesterday to see that there is a response from Kidman, or at least, from Kidman’s email address.  He opens it.

 

_Sebastian,_

_So glad you guys are okay.  Email is not a great way for me to communicate right now.  Call me on my cell and we’ll talk._

_Kidman_

Below Kidman’s name is a new cell phone number, and Sebastian adds it to his phone before closing out the program.  He decides to step outside and call Kidman before he interrupts Lily and Stefano, who are no doubt deep into the art section again.

 

Kidman picks up on the second ring.

 

“Sebastian?” she says.

 

“Yeah, it’s me.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

It’s definitely Kidman’s voice that he hears on the other end of the line, but he doesn’t want to give too much away in case the call is somehow being monitored.

 

“I think we may be in the literal middle of nowhere,” Sebastian answers. 

 

Kidman doesn’t laugh.  “Why did you contact me?”

 

“Because we…we’re…having some problems.”  Sebastian says, realizing that he’s not being particularly helpful but unable to give a better description of what is going on.

 

“What kind of problems?”  Kidman’s voice is sharp, aggressive, and Sebastian smiles, because that’s the Kidman he knows, never afraid to face a challenge head-on.  That approach probably isn’t going to help their current situation though.

 

“Actually,” Sebastian says, lowering his voice even though no one else is around him, “it might just be me who’s having problems.  I don’t know, but I need to talk to you about Mobius.”

 

“I think I understand what you mean,” Kidman says, voice calm and collected again.  “Where’s the nearest major airport?  I’ll fly in.”

 

Sebastian is speechless for a moment.  “Just like that?” he says finally, brain still struggling to process this development.

 

“Just like that,” Kidman replies, and Sebastian realizes that he really shouldn’t be surprised.  Kidman tends to be ready with a bold and straightforward solution to every problem, and she doesn’t sweat the logistics.

 

“Maybe Denver?” Sebastian suggests.  He really isn’t completely sure where the nearest airport is, but they are on the border between Nebraska and Colorado, so it seems like a reasonable answer.

 

“Sure, I’ll probably be getting in tomorrow.  I’ll text you my flight information,” Kidman answers matter-of-factly.

 

“It’s really going to be that easy?” Sebastian asks in disbelief.  “I mean, isn’t that a lot of trouble for you?”

 

“Not at all,” Kidman says.  “I want to see you and Lily…and Stefano too.”  She pauses, and her voice changes, becomes a little more wistful.  “I know I can’t give you back what I- what Mobius- took from you, but whatever you need, I’ll make it happen.”

 

“Thanks, Kidman,” Sebastian says, swallowing down the lump that rises in his throat at Kidman’s dedication to their family.  “I’ll keep an eye out for that text.”

 

“See you soon,” Kidman says.

 

“Bye, Kidman,” Sebastian replies.

 

As Sebastian ends the call, he turns to see Lily and Stefano exiting the library.  He lets out a bark of laughter, because they are both wearing the exact same scowl, and Sebastian has never noticed it before, but they actually kind of look alike.  “What happened?” he asks.

 

Lily just huffs at him, but Stefano throws up his hands dramatically and says, “Apparently no one is allowed to appreciate art in the library.”

 

Sebastian is immediately suspicious.  “How loudly were you appreciating the art?”

 

“That’s irrelevant!” Stefano snaps.

 

“Irrelevant!” echoes Lily, still frowning, and Sebastian has to bite his lip to keep from laughing again.

 

“Well,” Sebastian begins, “not everyone is as cultured as you guys-”

 

“Is that sarcasm I detect?” Stefano cuts in indignantly, though the corner of his mouth is twitching.

 

“Maybe,” Sebastian says, “though we aren’t exactly in the art capital of the world.”

 

Stefano snorts.  “Not even close.”

 

They are walking back to the SUV when Stefano turns to Sebastian.  “Was that Kidman you were speaking to?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.  “She’s actually flying into Denver to meet us tomorrow.”

 

“That’s…sudden,” Stefano replies.

 

Sebastian nods.  “She’s ruthlessly efficient.”  Now that Stefano mentions it though, there is a major flaw in this plan, which is that someone besides the three of them now knows where they are going to be at a future point in time.  Sebastian doesn’t like that idea at all.

 

His reservations must show on his face, because Stefano sighs and says, “Sebastian, that is not what I meant.”

 

“I know, but it’s a valid point,” Sebastian answers as they reach the car and he unlocks the doors.

 

“You know Kidman well, don’t you?  You trusted her when we were in STEM,” Stefano points out.

 

“That was out of necessity,” Sebastian says.  “We didn’t have any other options in STEM, but I do trust her.”  He pauses.  “Of course, she also lied to me the whole time we were at KCPD together, so I’m not sure I’m qualified to judge her motives.”

 

“She was part of Myra’s plan though,” Stefano says.  “Myra trusted her, and didn’t you say that Myra was aware of Mobius before you were?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian says thoughtfully, because Stefano is making a very good point.  Whatever his own errors in judgment may have been, Myra trusted Kidman, and Myra’s instincts for this sort of thing were very good.

 

He checks to make sure that everyone has their seatbelts fastened before he starts the car and backs out of the parking space.  “I don’t have a reason not to trust Kidman right now, but I think we should stay alert,” he says finally.

 

“Agreed,” says Stefano.

 

“Philistines,” Lily mutters, glaring at the door of the library as they pass it, and Sebastian almost swerves off the road trying to contain his laughter.

 

 

 

 

Within an hour on the road, Kidman’s text message has come in, Lily is dozing, and Sebastian and Stefano have lapsed into a comfortable silence.  Sebastian is actually getting a little drowsy himself when Stefano’s hand lands on his thigh.  Sebastian glances over at Stefano before turning back to the road.

 

“Hey there,” he says, glancing in the rearview mirror to make sure that Lily’s eyes are closed.  Lily has definitely seen them hug and hold hands, and Sebastian is pretty sure she’s also seen him kiss Stefano, though she has made no comment about it so far, but that’s about as much as Sebastian is comfortable with her observing.

 

Stefano seems to have other ideas, because his hand is creeping up Sebastian’s thigh, getting dangerously close to his lap, so that Sebastian catches it in his own hand and interlaces their fingers.

 

“Someone’s feeling a little frisky today,” he comments, glancing over at Stefano, who smirks back.

 

“Perhaps I’m just starved for physical affection,” Stefano says.  His tone is light, but Sebastian can detect a more serious undercurrent.  And Stefano does have a point.  Sebastian has been considerably less physical with him since their argument and the drunken pass he made at Stefano later that night.

 

“Well, we wouldn’t want that,” Sebastian says, raising Stefano’s hand to his lips and kissing the back of it.  He kisses his way along Stefano’s wrist and forearm until he can’t reach any farther without taking his eyes off the road.

 

In his heart, Sebastian knows that Stefano isn’t afraid of him now, even if he was for that one terrible moment, but somehow it still doesn’t feel right to pick up where they left off.  Stefano trusted him, and he betrayed that trust, and he doesn’t deserve to be trusted again, doesn’t deserve Stefano.

 

Speaking of Stefano, he has now has Sebastian’s arm stretched across the center console and is massaging his hand.

 

“Wow,” Sebastian says, “you’re really good at that.”

 

“Just because you will not touch me doesn’t mean I will not touch you,” Stefano replies.

 

No it certainly does not.  Sebastian thinks back on yesterday morning, of Stefano’s fingers on him and in him.  It is still a little hard to believe that it happened, that Stefano was so caring and attentive to him after Sebastian behaved so badly.  Also as a more practical matter, he hadn’t been touched like that in years, and Stefano’s vigorous, focused attentions were very nearly overwhelming.  Even the climax he experienced was very different from any other in recent memory.

 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian says.  “I’m going to touch you.  I just want to do it right.”

 

“And you have,” Stefano says.  “You have been wonderful, but I think it’s time you stopped holding back.”

 

Sebastian isn’t so sure about that.  He would never hurt Stefano of course, but he is afraid that if he stops holding back he will scare Stefano with his intensity, because he does want Stefano, wants to grab him roughly and thrust his tongue into his mouth as he pushes into his body, wants to feel Stefano quiver under him and hear him moan as- That thought cuts off abruptly as he remembers that he is in the car, and Lily is just a few feet away, and this would be a bad time to get excited.

 

“We’ll see,” he says, giving Stefano’s hand a squeeze.

 

 

 

 

Stefano still seems to be in a frisky mood when they arrive at the hotel, and after dinner and a movie and after Sebastian has put Lily to bed and returned to the living room, Stefano practically pounces on him.  Sebastian has barely sat down on the couch when Stefano is straddling his lap, arms wrapped around his neck and lips pressed to Sebastian’s.

 

“Whoa, slow down,” Sebastian says as soon as Stefano pulls back and he can get his breath to speak.  Making this good for Stefano means that Sebastian needs to be in control of his own reactions so that he doesn’t get carried away, and when Stefano comes on strong like this, Sebastian has a hard time staying in control.

 

He places a hand in the center of Stefano’s chest, gently pushing him back a little, because Stefano is intoxicating and it’s very hard to focus when he is so close.  It is even harder to focus when Stefano takes that hand by the wrist and draws Sebastian’s middle finger into his mouth, sucking and licking and making indecent little noises like he’s getting off on it too.  And that warm, wet feeling, even when it’s just around his finger, has Sebastian struggling to remember what it was that he thought was so important a second ago.

 

Sebastian groans leaning back against the couch and letting his other hand drop to Stefano’s thigh.  “Stefano.”  He intends it as a warning, but even to his own ears it sounds more like a plea, and Stefano redoubles his efforts.  His tongue is swirling around Sebastian’s fingertip, and Sebastian’s jeans are suddenly way too tight, and as soon as Stefano releases his finger, both of his hands are on Stefano’s ass and he is yanking him forward, fully into his lap.

 

Since Stefano is still up on his knees, things don’t really line up the way Sebastian was hoping, but he can feel Stefano’s erection pressing against his chest, and he frantically works at the buttons of Stefano’s shirt until he can reach bare skin.  His hands are on Stefano’s back now, holding Stefano against him so that he can bury his face in his chest, kissing and biting Stefano’s beautifully pale skin.

 

He’s being rougher than he would usually be, but the noises Stefano is making above him are all moans and sighs and gasps, and his hands are on the back of Sebastian’s head, and he is arching into Sebastian.  Sebastian makes his way up to Stefano’s collar bone, working it over with his lips and teeth until he is sure Stefano is going to have a bruise there, and then pulls back to look at Stefano.  Sebastian is breathing hard in his excitement, wants Stefano out of his clothes, wants to taste and touch more of Stefano, and he can tell by Stefano’s face that he wants the same thing.

 

He is about to suggest that they move to the bedroom, when Stefano is pushing away from him and stepping back onto the floor.  Sebastian is about to protest this, but his words die on his lips as Stefano drops to his knees in front of Sebastian and starts working on the fastenings of his jeans.

 

They cannot do this here.  Lily could wake up and come out at any moment, and they are right out in the open, and besides that they are going way too fast.  Sebastian feels right at the edge of losing control as Stefano gets his jeans open and tugs them down along with his boxers, and any rational thoughts Sebastian had are gone when Stefano’s mouth closes over the head of his cock.

 

“Oh fuck, Stefano,” he whispers, because his brain is at least still functioning enough to know that he needs to be quiet.  There is nothing tentative about the way Stefano handles his cock this time.  His hand is firm around the base, holding it upright as he slides his mouth up and down as far as he can reach, and Stefano’s mouth is hot and wet and squeezing his cock beautifully, and before Sebastian can stop himself, one of his hands is fisted in Stefano’s hair.

 

He freezes for a second, afraid that Stefano won’t like this, but Stefano isn’t slowing down at all, and Sebastian relaxes his grip, but lets his hand rest on Stefano’s head which is still bobbing up and down in his lap.

 

Stefano’s other hand tugs Sebastian’s pants down even further and slips inside them to cradle his balls, squeezing lightly in a way that magnifies all of the sensations Sebastian is feeling in his cock, makes him arch his back and press up into Stefano’s mouth.  Stefano does pull back a little then, focusing his attentions on the head of Sebastian’s cock, swirling his tongue around it and probing gently at the slit, and Sebastian is just so fucking overly sensitive right now, but he needs so much more, and he whines in frustration.

 

Just then, Stefano drags his teeth lightly across the head of Sebastian’s cock, which sends an electric jolt of pleasure up his spine.  There is an edge of pain too, but it only serves to make the pleasure that much more intense, to make Sebastian moan and dig his heels into the floor so that he can press up against Stefano’s mouth again, and Stefano is taking him in deep.  His cock is enveloped in the slick, hot pressure of Stefano’s mouth, and both of his hands are fisting in Stefano’s hair again, but he can’t stop himself because it just feels too fucking good and Stefano isn’t stopping either, and in a couple more strokes he’s going to be there.

 

Sebastian suddenly remembers that he shouldn’t come in Stefano’s mouth and that he needs to warn him somehow of his impending climax.  He is so far gone, so consumed with pleasure that for a second he can’t remember how to form words, but this is really important, so he manages to grunt, “Stefano, I’m gonna-”  His words end in a gasp as Stefano takes him in even deeper, and he is definitely not stopping.

 

“Stefano-” Sebastian tries again, releasing Stefano’s hair with some effort and putting his hands on Stefano’s shoulders to push him back, but Stefano grabs both of his hands by the wrists and pins them down to the couch, which sends another rush of excitement through Sebastian.  The next time Stefano’s mouth sinks down onto his cock, the heat and the pressure and the thrill that comes from being restrained a little bit is all too much, and he is coming and arching up into Stefano’s mouth and probably swearing, because he can’t keep track of what his own mouth is doing, but usually it’s something like that.

 

Stefano sucks him dry, waiting for the last few pulses of fluid before he swallows and lets Sebastian’s cock slip from his mouth, letting go of Sebastian’s hands and sitting back to look up at Sebastian.  Sebastian is fully expecting to see Stefano’s self-satisfied smile, which would be entirely appropriate, because what they just did was fantastic, but instead, Stefano is gazing up at him, mouth still slightly open, eye glazed with lust, and as Sebastian watches, one of Stefano’s hands moves between his own legs to rub the very prominent bulge there.

 

Any thoughts that Sebastian may have had about thanking Stefano profusely or asking him if it was okay that Sebastian just came in his mouth promptly go out the window, because clearly what Stefano needs right now is to come, and Sebastian isn’t going to deny him that when he is on his knees in front of him and looking so tempting.  He leans down, grabbing Stefano’s waist and pulling him up to sit sideways on Sebastian’s lap.  Sebastian has his pants undone in a matter of seconds and tugs his cock free, squeezing gently as he tries to gauge Stefano’s response.

 

Stefano utters a strangled sort of cry and presses his face against the side of Sebastian’s neck, and Sebastian can’t tell if it’s because it feels good or it’s too sensitive or Stefano’s just overwhelmed right now.

 

“Should I get the lube?” Sebastian murmurs close to Stefano’s ear.

 

“No,” Stefano gasps out.  “Don’t stop.”  His voice is so thin, so brittle that Sebastian still handles him very carefully, but he takes Stefano’s cock fully in hand and begins to stroke up and down as Stefano digs his fingers into his shoulder, moaning in time with the movements of Sebastian’s hand.

 

He can feel Stefano starting to press up against his hand after just a few strokes, and he is in awe of how aroused Stefano is just from sucking him off.  He leans down to press a kiss to Stefano’s forehead, and after just a few more strokes, Stefano is tensing and moaning his name and coming across Sebastian’s hand.  Sebastian continues to stroke until he is completely spent and he goes limp in Sebastian’s arms.

 

Sebastian kisses his forehead again, and Stefano makes a sleepy noise of approval but otherwise doesn’t stir.  Sebastian contemplates just picking Stefano up and carrying him into the bathroom where they can both get cleaned up, but thinks that since his own pants are still around his legs, that plan seems a little dangerous.

 

“Stefano,” he whispers.

 

“Hmmm?” Stefano replies.

 

“We’ve got to get up and get to the bathroom,” Sebastian murmurs.  “I kind of made a mess here.”  He gestures to his own hand and both of their clothes.

 

“I think I may have helped,” Stefano offers.

 

“Well, yeah, I guess I can’t take all the credit,” Sebastian says with a smile and another kiss, this time to Stefano’s lips.

 

Then Stefano gets his feet under him and stands up, rearranging his clothing with surprising dexterity for someone who was recently almost asleep.  Sebastian is less graceful, and sways a little when he regains his feet, but at least he keeps control of his jeans, and they make it to the bathroom without further incident.

 

It has been a few days since they actually showered together, and Sebastian is quickly reminded that showering with Stefano is much more enjoyable than showering alone.  He’s barely had time to wash his face when Stefano is pressed up against him, wet and naked and kissing him with abandon.

 

Sebastian kisses back, letting his hands run up and down Stefano’s back, until Stefano pauses in his kissing to say, “I am glad you decided to touch me again.”

 

Sebastian’s first reaction is to laugh, because of course he was going to touch Stefano again, but as the full impact of what Stefano is saying sinks in, his worries do start to prickle at the edges of his mind.

 

“That wasn’t too much, was it?” he asks.  “I’m sorry.  I think I lost control a little bit.”

 

Stefano kisses him again, then pulls back.  “Aren’t you the one who said that if we’re doing it properly, it should feel like losing control?”

 

Sebastian smiles, because he does remember that conversation from back when Stefano was still struggling with understanding his physical response to arousal.  “Yeah, I did say something like that.  I just hope that wasn’t too fast or too rough or-”

 

This time Stefano places a finger to Sebastian’s lips before leaning in to kiss him again.  “That was perfect,” he says.  “You are exquisite when you lose yourself in your pleasure.”

 

Sebastian looks down at his feet, unsure of how to respond to that, because no one’s ever described him as ‘exquisite’ before, and he’s not sure at all that it’s accurate, but Stefano just wraps his arms around him and pulls him close.

 

“I don’t know about ‘exquisite’, but I really enjoyed that as well,” he murmurs in Stefano’s ear, then adds, “as long as you’re okay.”

 

“I am much better than okay,” Stefano purrs.  “I am almost ready for more.”

 

Sebastian’s heart beats a little faster at that.  “Anything you want,” he murmurs.

 

Stefano gives him one more squeeze and then steps back so that they can both finish washing up, though of course the actual productive showering is punctuated by kisses and caresses and attempts to wash each other that turn into more kisses and caresses, until finally they are forced to acknowledge that they are about as clean as they are going to get.  They dry off hastily and step back into the bedroom, where the air is surprisingly chilly in contrast to the warmer air in the bathroom.

 

Needless to say, they are both under the covers in a matter of seconds, Stefano lying on top of Sebastian and squirming around in an attempt to warm up.  Finally, in frustration, he rolls over, taking Sebastian with him, so that he is pinned between Sebastian and the mattress.

 

“This okay?” Sebastian asks with some concern.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says quickly.  “Just warm me up.”

 

Sebastian laughs, because it’s not actually as cold as Stefano seems to think it is, but he is not going to pass up this opportunity.  He warms Stefano with his hands and his body, kisses his soft and slightly parted lips, nibbles a trail down his slender neck, and whispers words of affection and comfort in his ear, until Stefano seems less cold and more excited.

 

“What do you want to do now?” Sebastian murmurs before pressing a kiss right in front of Stefano’s ear.

 

“You know what I want,” Stefano whispers back, “but I think we’ll need the lube.”

 

Sebastian presses one more warm, lazy kiss to Stefano’s lips before saying, “I’ll get it.  Don’t want you to freeze to death.”

 

Stefano nods with a serious expression on his face.  “Be careful out there,” he says.

 

Sebastian slips out of bed, finds the lube and a condom in his bag, and also adjusts the thermostat while he’s up so that it’ll be at least a few degrees warmer when they have to get out of bed.  When he returns to the bedroom and sets the lube and the condom down on the night table, Stefano is watching him.  Sebastian can see the tension on his face even before Stefano asks, “Are we really going to do this?”

 

“Only if you want to,” Sebastian says, lifting up the covers and crawling back under with Stefano.  “Do you think you’re ready for that?”

 

“I am not sure,” Stefano replies, voice a little softer and more subdued than usual, “but I am ready to try if it is with you.”

 

 

 


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You. I want you,” Stefano says. “All of you.”
> 
> Sebastian smiles. “You know you already have me, right? Even if we don’t do this.”
> 
> “I know,” Stefano replies, because Sebastian has been nothing if not devoted. “I want this too.”
> 
> “Okay,” Sebastian takes a deep breath, and Stefano wonders for a moment if Sebastian is as nervous as he is. “How do you want to do this?”

 

 

As soon as the words have left Stefano’s lips, he realizes the full import of them, and he is nervous all over again, heart pounding and stomach flipping over.  But it is Sebastian who is in bed next to him, Sebastian who is reaching for him with concern in his eyes, Sebastian who is pulling him close so that Stefano’s face ends up pressed against his shoulder.

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian murmurs, and Stefano knows by now that he is safe with Sebastian, but it is always so soothing to hear Sebastian say that.  “We can try if you want, but you have to let me know if it’s not good for you.”

 

“I will,” Stefano whispers back.  He wants to do this for Sebastian, because Sebastian deserves this, but over the last couple of weeks, he has learned that Sebastian’s enjoyment is very dependent on his own.  And he has learned over the last few days that Sebastian is capable of doing some fairly amazing things with his body.  Stefano isn’t at all sure of what this next step is going to be like, but he is still eager to try it for both of their sakes.

 

Of course, they are not going to make any progress in their current position.  “Should I just…?”  Stefano isn’t sure exactly how to describe what he is proposing, so he squirms out of Sebastian’s arms and flips over onto this stomach, looking back at Sebastian for approval.

 

Sebastian looks thoroughly baffled for a full second before his face changes to something more like alarm, and Stefano fears they are about to have one of those awkward moments where he finds out that he has been doing this wrong for the better part of his life.

 

“No,” Sebastian says, and the rest of his words come out in a rush.  “I mean- you should be however you’re comfortable, but there’s going to be a lot more touching before… and I’d feel better if I can see your face.”  He takes a deep breath, and his words slow down.  “Just come back here, please.”  He reaches for Stefano’s hip, trying to urge him closer.

 

Stefano complies, turning on his side and letting Sebastian pull him into his arms again.  He wraps his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders, because Sebastian is breathing a little hard now.  Stefano isn’t sure exactly what has upset him, but he generally responds to physical comfort, so Stefano holds him tightly and turns to kiss him on the cheek.  He is on the verge of asking what he did wrong, when Sebastian speaks again.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian whispers.  “I just… I want to be able to see your face if that’s okay.”  He kisses Stefano’s forehead.  “I need to know how you’re feeling, that you’re not just doing this for me.”

 

“Alright,” Stefano replies, though he doesn’t recall being face-to-face with a sexual partner before.  Sebastian, however, is turning out to be nothing like his previous sexual partners in any way.  “We’ll try it your way.”

 

Sebastian pulls back a little, and Stefano catches a hint of a smile on his face before Sebastian’s mouth is on his, and Sebastian’s tongue is in his mouth, and Sebastian’s hand is cradling the back of his head.  Sebastian really is exceptional at kissing.  His tongue is bold, confident, exploring Stefano’s mouth thoroughly and in ways that spark little flutters of excitement in Stefano’s belly, because they suggest ways in which Sebastian might explore other parts of his body.  Sebastian also knows when to back off, when Stefano is at the threshold of being overwhelmed, when those welcome strokes of his tongue are about to become too invasive, and he pulls back, gazing into Stefano’s face for a moment, as though trying to make sure that he has permission to continue.

 

Stefano is a little dazed from being so thoroughly kissed, but he must look as contented as he feels, because Sebastian dives back in, this time bringing his mouth to Stefano’s neck, kissing and licking softly until Stefano begins to squirm, because the light, teasing touches of Sebastian’s lips and tongue combined with the brushes of his facial hair on Stefano’s skin are more ticklish than arousing.  Sebastian quickly corrects that when he bites down on the juncture of Stefano’s neck and shoulder.  It’s harder than Sebastian normally would, and it hurts a little, but it is also thrilling and unexpected and Stefano’s cock goes from casually interested to rock hard in a matter of seconds.

 

Sebastian continues to suck and worry that spot with his teeth, and it feels incredible.  There is a sharp edge to the feeling, a hint of pain, but most of it is warmth and pressure.  Sebastian teases his nerve endings until his hips are thrusting against Sebastian’s body and his cock is demanding attention.  Fortunately Sebastian seems to understand this, and he releases Stefano’s neck, kissing him on the mouth again as one of his hands slides down Stefano’s body to take his cock in hand.

 

Sebastian’s fingers curl around him, providing him something to thrust against as Sebastian’s tongue enters his mouth again.  Stefano moans, drawing it in and sucking, working it over the way he did to Sebastian’s cock earlier, and Sebastian goes tense, his hand tightening around Stefano as a shiver runs through him.

 

When Stefano pulls back, Sebastian immediately swears and crushes their mouths together again, and Stefano is enjoying this new Sebastian, one who is a little less in control of himself and a little more overcome by passion, but still makes Stefano feel safe and cared for.

 

Stefano gasps when Sebastian’s hand lets go of his cock and moves further down, and Stefano arches against him in sheer pleasure at the feeling of Sebastian’s large, warm hand closing around his balls, squeezing gently and rolling them against his palm as Sebastian’s tongue is doing wonderful things to his mouth.  After a few more delicious squeezes of Sebastian’s hand and strokes of Sebastian’s tongue, Sebastian is releasing his mouth and removing his hand, and Stefano is about to protest until he sees that Sebastian is fumbling on the table behind him for the lube.

 

Stefano waits for Sebastian to retrieve it and turn back around, because he isn’t sure exactly what position Sebastian will want him to be in for this, and he doesn’t want to guess wrong again.  He is nervous, of course, but also excited by the thought of having Sebastian’s fingers in him again, and then hopefully Sebastian’s cock.

 

His racing thoughts must be showing on his face, because Sebastian flashes him a reassuring smile before he runs his free hand down Stefano’s body, giving his ass a firm squeeze, which is certainly a step in the right direction and makes Stefano press against him and hum his approval.  Sebastian’s hand slides down his thigh, lifting his leg and bringing it to rest on Sebastian’s hip.

 

“Are you comfortable like this?” Sebastian murmurs in between pressing kisses to Stefano’s chest.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  Having his leg draped over Sebastian does bring a little of that open, exposed feeling, but he is still safely under the blankets and all of his senses are full of Sebastian, and everything feels very cozy and safe, even as Sebastian is uncapping the lube and spreading it onto his fingers.  Sebastian puts the cap back on and tosses the bottle behind Stefano, but Stefano can’t be bothered with that because now Sebastian’s hand is back on his ass, and Sebastian’s fingers, generously coated with lube, are stroking across his opening.

 

It’s only been a few days since he’s been touched there, but Stefano has forgotten how incredibly sensitive that area is, even just on the outside.  He shivers, pressing against Sebastian, as Sebastian’s fingers tease and stroke and send thrills of excitement racing up and down his spine.

 

“You still with me?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes, “that’s lovely.”

 

“Good,” Sebastian says, as his teasing caresses transition into firmer strokes.  “Just tell me if anything bothers you.”

 

Stefano’s first thought is to tell Sebastian that he doesn’t have to keep saying that, because it is becoming a feature of their bedroom sessions, but then he realizes that Sebastian may well be compensating for Stefano’s tendency to go quiet and see how things will play out, even when he isn’t particularly enjoying himself.  Stefano still sees that as a legitimate way to get through a sexual encounter, but Sebastian clearly does not.  Even as Stefano now finds himself more and more concerned with Sebastian’s happiness, he still can’t be entirely sure that he won’t revert to his old habits, so perhaps Sebastian’s point is well taken.

 

“Stefano?”

 

“Yes?” Stefano replies, realizing that he’s probably been lost in thought for a moment, because Sebastian’s fingers have gone still and Sebastian is look at him with one eyebrow raised.

 

“Stop thinking so much,” Sebastian says with a smile, as though he knows exactly what Stefano was doing.  “Concentrate on what you’re feeling.”

 

“Alright,” Stefano says, bringing his arm up to wrap around Sebastian’s shoulders, because the more Sebastian’s fingers rub at his opening, the closer he feels to being out of control, and the more he needs something- or someone- to hold onto to ground himself.

 

“It’s going to be fine,” Sebastian murmurs as his slick fingers glide back and forth.  “Remember how nice it was last time?”

 

“Mmmhmm,” Stefano hums, tightening his grip on Sebastian, because Sebastian’s fingers are pressing a little harder now, and his heart is beating faster at the idea of being penetrated by them.

 

“Relax,” Sebastian whispers, placing a line of kisses along Stefano’s chest before taking Stefano’s nipple in his mouth and sucking.  Stefano sighs at the feeling of Sebastian’s warm, wet mouth on his nipple, pressing against Sebastian as those fingers continue to stroke him.

 

“Relax,” Sebastian reminds him, “going to start with just one.”  And then one of Sebastian’s fingers is rubbing his opening with small, focused circles before his fingertip slips inside.

 

Stefano gasps, tightening his grip on Sebastian and shifting his hips forward, because even though he was expecting it and Sebastian is being very gentle, it’s a strange feeling.  He can’t move away from Sebastian’s finger though, because Sebastian’s body is in front of him, and Sebastian holds him steady, kissing his chest between whispers of, “It’s okay,” and “You’re doing great,” and “Breathe, Stefano.”

 

Stefano realizes that he is in fact holding his breath, and when he takes a deep breath and starts breathing normally again, it becomes much easier to relax and let Sebastian’s finger slide in the rest of the way.  It is strange and a little invasive, but still nothing like any of the other times that he can recall, nothing like what Theodore’s men did to him.  Sebastian’s touch is warm and slick and comfortable, and once Stefano is more relaxed and Sebastian’s finger begins to move, he is pressing in farther, touching that place that makes Stefano moan and cling to Sebastian and feel like he is approaching his climax even though they’ve only just started.

 

“There you go,” Sebastian is saying, as his finger circles Stefano’s prostate and Stefano quivers against him, because it’s almost too much already.

 

“Careful,” Stefano murmurs, and Sebastian immediately freezes, looking up at him.  “Not because of that,” Stefano says, smiling at the concern that shows on Sebastian’s face.  “What you are doing is quite enjoyable, and I am afraid I may not last much longer.”

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says, a look of relief crossing his face as he leans up to kiss Stefano.  “Okay then.  I can work with that.”

 

Sebastian begins to move his finger again, concentrating more on sliding it in and out of Stefano’s body, which is a different sensation entirely.  On the first few times he presses in, Stefano is still struck by the tension that he felt the first time, the feeling that it is somehow wrong to be touched this way, but everything is so slippery that Sebastian’s finger is moving easily inside him, and Sebastian is still whispering words of endearment, and Stefano just holds onto Sebastian’s shoulders and breathes until the feeling starts to become less strange and more comfortable.

 

“Is it okay to try for more?” Sebastian asks, letting his finger slip out almost all the way and teasing the rim of Stefano’s opening with another finger to illustrate his point.

 

“Yes,” Stefano whispers, holding onto Sebastian tightly and trying to prepare himself, because even though he has taken one of Sebastian’s fingers comfortably, it seems like anything more than that is going to be too much.

 

“Relax,” Sebastian murmurs, apparently picking up on his nerves.  “It’s not really that different.  Just a little more stretching.”

 

Stefano nods, unable to speak, because two of Sebastian’s fingers are now rubbing at his opening, pressing against it little by little, and he needs to concentrate on that, because even though the sensations they are producing are very pleasant, that could change at any moment.

 

“Okay if I distract you?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano nods again without really processing the question.  He opens his mouth a second later to ask what on earth Sebastian is talking about, but just then, Sebastian’s teeth are lightly scraping his nipple, and he is gasping and pressing against Sebastian, and Sebastian’s fingers are inside him.

 

As Sebastian said, he does feel more stretched, more open, and his heart is speeding up and his breath is coming faster, because the stretching is much move evocative of other, darker memories, of having his body forced open without his permission, of being helpless and overpowered and hurt and-

 

“It’s alright, Stefano.”  Sebastian’s voice is very nearby.  “Just relax and breathe.”

 

And Stefano does breathe, because Sebastian is here, and Sebastian won’t hurt him, and in truth, Sebastian isn’t hurting him now.

 

“You’re doing so well,” Sebastian murmurs.  “You’re safe with me, and we can stop anytime you want.”

 

Initially, Stefano thinks this might be a good time to stop, because his body is clenching down on Sebastian’s fingers, and he knows that Sebastian is very patient, but Stefano is not sure that he is going to be able to relax, even if they stay here all night.

 

Then Sebastian’s mouth is on his chest, pressing warm kisses and tickling him with his facial hair, and finally moving to one of his nipples to sweep across it with wet, firm strokes of his tongue, and having something else to feel, something else to focus on, helps with the panic that is rising in Stefano’s chest.  If he can concentrate on something familiar, something pleasurable, it makes the less familiar sensation easier to bear.

 

Sebastian is still talking softly to him in between licks and nips and kisses, and Sebastian’s words and Sebastian’s mouth slowly draw him out of that other space, the one where he is helpless and afraid and going to be hurt, and back into reality, where he is in bed with Sebastian, and they are trying something new, and he is safe, and Sebastian is going to take care of him.

 

“That’s great,” Sebastian murmurs, “much better.”

 

Stefano doesn’t realize how much he has actually managed to relax until Sebastian’s fingers move a little bit inside him and encounter no resistance.  The lube helps tremendously of course, but as Sebastian slides his fingers a little farther inside, the movement is easy, comfortable, and the way Stefano is stretched open around his fingers doesn’t feel nearly as foreign as it did a few minutes ago.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano whispers, but even he isn’t sure of what he actually wants to convey to Sebastian.  Fortunately Sebastian doesn’t take it as a request to stop, but just shifts up Stefano’s body a little to kiss him softly.

 

“Okay?” Sebastian asks, once his lips are no longer pressed to Stefano’s.

 

Stefano nods, because he is okay, and none of this feels bad at the moment, and he has enough confidence in Sebastian to believe that it will be feeling a whole lot better soon.

 

Sebastian smiles and Stefano feels his fingers press in even farther, and then Sebastian is brushing against his prostate again, and he gasps and arches into Sebastian.  Sebastian holds him there, gently stroking over the spot again and again with his two fingers as Stefano trembles in his arms.

 

“Love you,” Sebastian sighs, his face pressed against Stefano’s collarbone.  Stefano wants to answer him, but by then Sebastian’s fingers are pressing harder, massaging his prostate in tight circles, and the stimulation is relentless, and he is throwing back his head with a moan as those fingers push him closer and closer to the edge.

 

“Wait,” he finally manages to gasp out.  “Hold on…”

 

Sebastian stops moving his fingers, backing them off a little so that Stefano is able to think clearly again and catch his breath.

 

“What’s next?” Stefano asks.  “Or are you going to keep teasing me like this all night?”

 

He feels, rather than sees, Sebastian smile against his skin.  “I’d like to make you come again,” Sebastian says, “but you seem to be determined to stop me.”

 

“You are such a considerate lover,” Stefano says, feeling Sebastian smile again, “but if I climax again, I want it to be while you are inside me.”

 

“Fuck,” Sebastian practically moans.  “That sounds amazing, if you feel up to it.”

 

“I think so,” Stefano says, though he does have some reservations as he remembers Sebastian’s cock, which is beautiful, but also long and thick and certainly too large to fit inside him without tearing something.  All the same, he is willing to give it a try if it’s for Sebastian.  “Is that what we do next?” he adds.

 

Sebastian’s voice is thick, as though he is still struggling with his own arousal.  “I think we need to try one more finger first, just to let you get used to the feeling a little more.”

 

“Alright,” Stefano says, drawing in a shaky breath.  The idea of taking three of Sebastian’s fingers is almost as intimidating as taking Sebastian’s cock, but everything has been relatively comfortable so far, and Sebastian has been so careful.

 

When Sebastian lets his fingers slip out of Stefano’s body this time, he reaches behind Stefano, fumbling around until he finds the lube, and applies some more of it to his fingers as Stefano watches and tries not to let himself become any more nervous than he already is.  Sebastian’s hand disappears behind him, and then Sebastian’s fingers are lightly probing at his opening, and he tries not to think about it, tries not to tense up, but he doesn’t think that he’s doing a very good job.

 

“You’re doing fine,” Sebastian soothes, as Stefano leans forward to rest his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.  “Just take it easy, and don’t over-think it.”

 

Stefano is already well into the process of over-thinking it, but Sebastian’s words give him an idea.  “Could you distract me again?” he asks, raising his head to look pleadingly at Sebastian.

 

“Gladly,” Sebastian says with a smile.  “I can be very distracting.”

 

Stefano almost laughs at that, but in the next moment, Sebastian is sliding even further down his body, so that Stefano’s leg is resting across his shoulder, and Sebastian’s mouth is wrapped around his cock.  It’s warm and wet and his lips and tongue are teasing all of the right places, and Stefano barely registers Sebastian’s fingers until they are already inside him.

 

It must be all three of them, because even though there is no pain, Stefano feels too stretched, like whatever is inside him is too large and shouldn’t be there, and he clutches at Sebastian’s hair, which is the only thing he can reach, and tries to struggle away from Sebastian’s fingers, but that only pushes him farther into Sebastian’s mouth, which still feels really, really good.  It all feels like too much, too much pleasure, too much being pushed into his body, and he needs to hear from Sebastian that he is alright, but Sebastian’s mouth is occupied at the moment and Stefano feels like all of the air has been forced out of his lungs.

 

“Sebastian,” he finally manages to say, though the way his throat is constricting makes it sound more like a sob.

 

Sebastian immediately stills his fingers and pulls back off of Stefano’s cock.  “What’s wrong?” he asks, looking up at Stefano with worried eyes.  “Should I-?”  He nods to his hand.

 

Stefano shakes his head, because even though the feeling is intense, he isn’t sure that he wants Sebastian to stop.  “No, just… just come back up here please.  It feels…”

 

Sebastian manages to keep his hand basically still as he moves back up so that his face is almost level with Stefano’s, and Stefano leans down a little to rest his forehead on Sebastian’s.  Without the competing feeling of Sebastian’s mouth on his cock, Sebastian’s fingers feel so large inside him, and he isn’t sure that he can take this for much longer.  He remembers feeling like this before, with previous lovers, remembers retreating into his mind when things were too painful, so that he could let them take what they needed from him without having to experience too much of it himself.  He could do that now of course, but he has a feeling Sebastian wouldn’t fall for it.

 

“Stay with me,” Sebastian murmurs, forehead still resting on Stefano’s.  “Just like before.  Relax and breathe.  It gets better.”

 

And Sebastian would know, because Sebastian has done this before, and he does trust Sebastian.

 

 “I’m not hurting you, am I?” asks Sebastian.

 

“No,” gasps Stefano, who is still struggling with his breathing.  “Doesn’t hurt.  It just…I don’t know…”  His voice trails off as he loses track of the words he wants to use to explain how he feels.  His breaths are coming fast now, and he feels like he is clenched so tightly around Sebastian’s fingers.

 

“Shhh,” Sebastian soothes, leaning in to kiss his cheek.  “I understand.  All of this is new, and it takes some getting used to.  Just give it a minute, take a few deep breaths, and if it’s not getting better, we’ll try something else.”

 

Stefano nods and takes a deep breath and tries to focus on the things about this situation that make him feel safe- the smell of Sebastian all around him, Sebastian’s voice providing a constant stream of praise and comfort and affection, the way that he is so close to Sebastian, their bodies touching in so many places.  And after a minute or so of paying attention to those things, he is able to slow down his breathing, to relax his body to some degree, and to nod to Sebastian.

 

He still feels very stretched, very exposed, especially as Sebastian’s fingers slowly press in deeper, but his movements are smooth and well-lubricated, and very, very gentle, and soon Stefano is sighing and closing his eye and letting his hips start to move in time with Sebastian’s fingers.

 

“That’s it,” Sebastian murmurs, as his fingers move carefully in and out of Stefano’s body, “just do what feels good.”

 

The more Sebastian touches him, the better and more confident, and more aroused he begins to feel, until he is sure that he needs more, that he needs those fingers deeper inside him, and he grasps Sebastian’s shoulder, uses it to press himself down onto Sebastian’s fingers until they hit that perfect spot, and he can feel the pleasure curling up at the base of his spine again.  He rocks his hips forward into Sebastian’s body and back onto Sebastian’s fingers as Sebastian presses firmly right where he needs it and whispers words of encouragement.

 

He understands what Sebastian has been talking about, how beautiful it is to be so stretched open around Sebastian’s fingers, to be giving so much of himself to Sebastian, and it is only going to be better when it is Sebastian’s cock inside him.  He moans as Sebastian’s fingers dig into his prostate again, and it is Sebastian’s answering moan that almost sends him over the edge, but he manages to catch himself, to gasp out, “Stop, Sebastian.  That’s enough.”

 

Sebastian must be able to tell by his voice that he isn’t upset, because he doesn’t look concerned at all as he eases his fingers out of Stefano and then kisses him again.  “What do you-” he starts to ask before Stefano cuts in.

 

“You.  I want you,” Stefano says.  “All of you.”

 

Sebastian smiles.  “You know you already have me, right?  Even if we don’t do this.”

 

“I know,” Stefano replies, because Sebastian has been nothing if not devoted.  “I want this too.”

 

“Okay,” Sebastian takes a deep breath, and Stefano wonders for a moment if Sebastian is as nervous as he is.  “How do you want to do this?”

 

Stefano’s memories, which mostly include being pressed face-first into the mattress, are clearly not going to be any help here, so he asks Sebastian, “What do you recommend?”

 

“Well,” Sebastian begins, “for the first time, I think I need to be able to see your face, if that’s okay.”  Stefano thinks this is an odd request, because his face is certainly not one of his best features, but he nods, and Sebastian continues.  “Do you want to try being on top?  That way you’d be more in control of everything.”

 

“Alright,” Stefano agrees.  His first reaction is that the idea of being in control of anything in the bedroom is rather novel, but he realizes that’s not exactly correct.  He has been in control of Sebastian’s pleasure a few times, and has thoroughly enjoyed that, so perhaps taking control of something that involves his own body is not so far-fetched.

 

Sebastian grabs the lube again before he rolls over onto his back, pushing the blankets down past his hips, so that his erection is on display for Stefano.

 

“Is that just from touching me?” Stefano asks, half-teasing, because he had thought Sebastian might require some more warming up before they move on to the next act.

 

“Touching you, listening to the sounds you make, thinking about doing things to you,” Sebastian replies with a mischievous smile.  He takes a condom from the bedside table and tears open the package, rolling it down onto his cock as Stefano watches with interest.  He pours some lube into his palm, makes a fist, and then pumps it up and down his cock a few times, spreading the lube all over.

 

“Perhaps we should buy stock in this lubricant,” Stefano muses as Sebastian sets the bottle and the condom wrapper aside.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says, feigning offense.  “You can never have too much lube.”

 

Stefano wonders if perhaps one can have too much lube, as Sebastian seems to be making a pretty big mess with it, but as the main purpose of the lube seems to be his comfort, he doesn’t think this is the appropriate time to bring that up.  He also wonders if it was a good idea to look at Sebastian’s cock before attempting this, because the idea of having something so large inside him is starting to make him feel a little sick.

 

Sebastian grabs a tissue from the nightstand and wipes off his hands, before he reaches out to take Stefano’s.  “Come here,” he says, voice much softer than before.

 

Stefano’s heart is in his throat as he lets Sebastian guide him until he is straddling Sebastian’s lap.  Sebastian pulls him down into a kiss that is as needy and passionate as any that he has ever experienced, but still somehow as gentle as he has come to expect from Sebastian.

 

When the kiss ends, he sits up, resting his hands on Sebastian’s chest, as Sebastian’s hands move to his hips.  “Whenever you’re ready,” Sebastian says, giving him an encouraging squeeze.

 

Stefano takes a deep breath and lifts himself up so that he is hovering over Sebastian, reaching between his legs for Sebastian’s cock, but Sebastian’s hand is already there.

 

“I’ve got this,” Sebastian says, his voice sounding a little shaky.  “You just worry about you.”  Sebastian fixes him with a serious look.  “Don’t go too fast, okay?  We’re not trying to get it over with.”

 

Stefano nods and wets his lips, because he is entirely too anxious to speak at the moment.  He lowers himself down a little, until he can feel Sebastian against him, feel Sebastian’s cock against his opening, he reminds himself, and the thought of it sets off a dizzying wave of excitement.  His heart is beating faster now, but he can’t tell whether it is from fear or just the anticipation of having Sebastian inside him.

 

“Take your time,” Sebastian says.  The hand that isn’t holding his own cock is slowly rubbing Stefano’s thigh.  “We have all night if you want.”

 

Despite his words, the strained expression on Sebastian’s face tells Stefano that Sebastian probably cannot wait all night.  He takes a deep breath, trying to remember all of the things that Sebastian has been telling him this whole time, and lets his body dip a little closer to Sebastian’s lap.  The head of Sebastian’s cock is pressing against his opening now, and despite all of the preparation, it feels huge.

 

“Relax,” Sebastian says, though he is speaking through gritted teeth now.  “You’re going to be fine.  Just go nice and slow.”

 

Stefano doesn’t think there is any benefit to waiting any longer, so he lets his hips drop down a little farther, and there is even more pressure against his opening as Sebastian’s cock starts to slide in, stretching him open, even more than three of Sebastian’s fingers did.  Stefano is sure that it is going to be too much.  It feels like too much already and Sebastian is barely inside him at all.  Sebastian has stopped speaking and seems to be concentrating very hard, and even though the position is different, the feeling of pressure and stretching is the same as it was in the dungeon, as it has been before.

 

Stefano tries to breathe, tries to relax, because he has worked through this feeling a few times with Sebastian.  He tries to sink down onto Sebastian a little further, but that actually does hurt, transports him to a different time and place, and he clenches down around whatever it is that is invading his body, because he cannot do this again.  He cannot take this, and this time it is going to break him.  He can’t breathe, and the room is going dark around him, and everything, inside and outside of him, is so cold.

 

“Stefano?”  Sebastian’s voice is in his ear, and he clings to that, because Sebastian has always protected him, has been a point of comfort and safety, and Sebastian’s hands are on his waist, lifting him up so that he is no longer being painfully stretched open, and then he is lying on Sebastian, and Sebastian’s arms are wrapped around him, and Sebastian is murmuring comforting words to him.  There are tears leaking out of his good eye and onto Sebastian’s chest, and he finally manages to draw a long, shaky breath, to start to get control of himself.

 

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, once he regains the use of his voice.

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Sebastian says, rubbing his back.  “Never be sorry for that.”

 

Sebastian’s words are kind, and his hands are soothing, but Stefano still feels embarrassed, disappointed, like he has failed Sebastian and himself.  Sebastian has probably been waiting for this moment since their first kiss, and he has been waiting for it quite a while himself, and now Sebastian isn’t going to want to try this again, isn’t going to want him any longer, and Stefano knew this would happen eventually but it still hurts.  It hurts more than any physical pain he has ever experienced, and he turns his face into Sebastian’s chest and draws in another long, shuddering breath.

 

Sebastian just holds him, rubs his back, kisses the top of his head.  “You’re alright now,” he says.  “You’re safe with me.”  And Stefano knows that he is, which is what makes his reaction so ridiculous, but the pain and the fear and the sense that he was somewhere else, with someone else, was so real.

 

“What happened?” Sebastian asks, his hand still making soothing circles on Stefano’s back.  “Just too much too fast?”

 

“Something like that,” Stefano says, voice dull.  He lifts his head to look at Sebastian.  “Sebastian, I can’t promise you that I am ever going to be able to do this the way you want.”

 

Sebastian looks a little confused.  “What do you mean ‘the way I want’?  The way that doesn’t hurt you?  Because that’s what I want.”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “It was too much like…I don’t think I can…”  He looks to Sebastian for help, but Sebastian just shakes his head.

 

“Stefano, we tried it once and it didn’t work, and that’s okay.  There are other things we can try and other things we can do and-”

 

Sebastian doesn’t get to finish his sentence, because Stefano’s lips are on his, and Stefano is kissing him fiercely before pulling back to whisper, “You are a remarkable man.”  The surge of relief that Stefano feels at the way Sebastian is handling this, at the fact that Sebastian doesn’t see him as a failure, is bubbling up inside him, and it makes his feelings for Sebastian even more warm and pleasant and confusing than ever.

 

“So are you,” Sebastian replies.  “And I love you.”

 

“I love you as well,” Stefano replies, and with that warm, fuzzy feeling spreading through his chest, he may just be beginning to understand what others mean when they say those words.  The thought makes him smile, because he wants to know, wants to feel everything that he possibly can for Sebastian.

 

“Is there something else I can do for you?” Sebastian asks, and it takes Stefano a moment to realize what he’s talking about.

 

“No, I don’t think so,” Stefano replies, because it has been a demanding evening, emotionally and physically, and what he feels more than anything else right now is tired.  “I think I just need to sleep if that’s alright.”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says.  “Just let me get cleaned up a little bit.”

 

As Sebastian slides out from under him, Stefano realizes that he also may still be in need of attention.  “Can I do something for you?” Stefano asks.

 

Sebastian shakes his head.  “I’m with you,” he says.  “Sleep sounds really good right now.”  He leans over to kiss Stefano one more time.  “I’ll be right back with a washcloth.”

 

Sebastian gets up and disappears into the bathroom for a few minutes, returning with a washcloth, which Stefano uses to remove the excess lube from himself.  Sebastian is also kind enough to go through Stefano’s bag until he finds a pair of underwear so that Stefano doesn’t have to get out from under the covers.  Once Sebastian has pulled on a pair of boxers himself, he turns out the light and crawls into bed.

 

Even in the dark, they find each other right away, Stefano settling with his head pillowed on Sebastian’s chest.  He sighs, still feeling a bit disappointed.  He had hoped that after tonight he would understand what he has been missing, what everyone else seems to find so amazing about this act.  The question is out of his mouth before he knows it.  “What is it like?”

 

Stefano is slightly horrified when he realizes he is speaking out loud, but he can’t take it back, so he continues, “When you are doing it right, I mean.  What does it feel like?”

 

“Good,” Sebastian says sleepily, “really good.  You just feel warm and full and…”  He pauses.  “…so close, just so close to someone.”

 

Stefano sighs, because that is exactly what he wants to feel with Sebastian, but it seems to be out of his reach at the moment.

 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian says.  “We’ll get there.”

 

Stefano smiles in the dark and holds Sebastian closer.

 

 

 


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It makes Sebastian feel a little better, a little less guilty, to hear Lily describing their trip like this, because it makes it sound more like a family road trip and less like they are on the run from Mobius. He glances over at Stefano, and when their eyes lock for a second, Sebastian is sure they are thinking the same thing.
> 
> They still have a chance to make this work. Despite their argument in front of Lily the other day, they are less than two weeks into this, well within a reasonable time frame for a vacation, and if they stop soon, then that’s all it will be. They’ll be able to actually have a home and get Lily in school and invite Kidman over for the holidays and most importantly just stop running, because Sebastian is so tired of running.

 

 

By the time they reach the airport, Sebastian has worked himself up to such a heightened state of alertness that every person, every vehicle around them is being assessed according to proximity, threat level, and anticipated trajectory.  He pulls their SUV into the pick-up lane outside the baggage claim, but doesn’t even put it in park yet as he continues to scan their surroundings.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, a note of warning in his voice, and Sebastian turns to tell Stefano that this is a high risk situation, that they are surrounded by cars and people and more susceptible to incoming danger than ever.  However, he pauses for a moment and follows Stefano’s line of sight down to his own hand, which, he realizes suddenly, is on his gun.

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says, because Stefano is definitely right about this one.  Airport security would not be thrilled to see him with a gun in his hand.  With some effort, he puts his hand back on the steering wheel, fingers drumming against it to try to release some tension as he checks the rearview mirror.  Lily is in the backseat, playing with her phone, and everyone he can see in the background is engaging in what he would describe as ‘normal airport behavior’, loading and unloading cars, hugging each other, and hurrying in and out of the terminal.

 

He shifts into park and checks both sides of their vehicle.  He momentarily fixates on a man in a suit who is crossing from the parking garage.  The man sweeps by them and into the building without a second glance, and Sebastian scans again, then glances back at the doors to see Kidman striding through them with a duffel bag slung over her shoulder.

 

Sebastian gets out of the car, mindful to pull the flap of his jacket over the gun at his hip, and walks around to the passenger’s side to pull Kidman into a hug.

 

“Sebastian,” she says with a smile.  “You look great.  All of you guys look great.”  She gestures to Stefano and Lily in the car, and Sebastian supposes that they all probably do look a bit healthier and better rested than the last time she saw them.

 

“So do you,” Sebastian replies, because Kidman has that confidence, that glow that she had as a rookie detective, before all of this mess with Mobius started, or at least, before it started for Sebastian.  It’s good to see her looking happy again.  “Let me take your bag,” he adds.

 

Sebastian puts Kidman’s bag in the trunk with their luggage, and Stefano offers her his seat but she waves him off and jumps in the back with Lily.  When Sebastian climbs into the driver’s seat, Lily is already talking excitedly, and Sebastian feels a little stab of guilt for letting her go so long with no one but him and Stefano for company.

 

“Have you had lunch?” Sebastian asks Kidman.

 

“No,” Kidman answers, “but I know a great place in the city.  Just let me find the address.”

 

“You’ve been here before?” Lily asks, sounding impressed.

 

“Sure,” Kidman says.  “Mobius had me moving around a lot.  Krimson City was actually the longest I was ever in one place.”

 

She finds the address for a restaurant in the downtown area and gives it to Sebastian, who plugs it into his phone’s navigation system.  Lily dominates the conversation on the way to the restaurant, telling Kidman about the bear and taking pictures with Stefano and, to Sebastian’s dismay, his encounter with the electric fence, which Kidman also seems to find hilarious.

 

It makes Sebastian feel a little better, a little less guilty, to hear Lily describing their trip like this, because it makes it sound more like a family road trip and less like they are on the run from Mobius.  He glances over at Stefano, and when their eyes lock for a second, Sebastian is sure they are thinking the same thing.

 

They still have a chance to make this work.  Despite their argument in front of Lily the other day, they are less than two weeks into this, well within a reasonable time frame for a vacation, and if they stop soon, then that’s all it will be.  They’ll be able to actually have a home and get Lily in school and invite Kidman over for the holidays and most importantly just stop running, because Sebastian is so fucking tired of running.

 

Sebastian turns his eyes back to the road, because he’s getting ahead of himself.  First things first- he needs to talk to Kidman and determine how much of a threat Mobius still poses to them.  He underestimated them once, and he will not do it again, so he needs that information before any future plans can be made.

 

They arrive at the restaurant and manage to find parking.  While the host is showing them to their table, Lily spots a huge fish tank full of tropical fish, and Sebastian takes her over to look at it while Stefano and Kidman get settled into the booth.

 

Lily spends several minutes trying to find her favorite fish, then naming all of them, then doing an impression of the fish that is sucking algae off the side of the tank that people at the surrounding tables seem to find very entertaining.  Then she performs a dramatic bow and returns to their table.  Sebastian trails behind her, wondering whether she has always had this sort of flair for performance or whether she picked that up from Stefano, who certainly knew how to captivate an audience, at least in STEM.

 

Stefano and Kidman seem to be deep in conversation, but look up and smile at Lily as she takes her seat.  Sebastian slides into the booth across from Kidman and picks up his menu.

 

Once they’ve ordered and are waiting for their food, Lily convinces Stefano to get his camera out so that she can show Kidman the pictures she’s been taking.  Conversation over lunch is light and mostly focused on their trip.  Lily eats voraciously, as she often does.  Stefano is back to picking at his meal, though he does comment that the quality of the food is better than their usual fare while on the road.

 

When Lily has finished eating and started doodling on her napkin, Stefano turns to Sebastian.  “We passed an art gallery on the next block.  Why don’t I take Lily there for a bit so that you and Kidman can catch up?”

 

Sebastian’s gut reaction is that this is a terrible idea that will result in Lily and Stefano being kidnapped by Mobius, but he also remembers promising to consult Stefano on things like this, and he really does need to talk to Kidman without Lily present in order to ascertain how much danger they are currently in.  Also, Lily is giving him the puppy-dog eyes, and Sebastian has never been very good at resisting those.

 

“Yeah,” he says, though his voice sounds strained even to his own ears.  “That’s a good idea.  We’ll catch up with you later.”

 

After Stefano and Lily have left, with a slight detour by the fish tank so that Lily can tell Stefano the names of all of the fish, Sebastian is left staring at Kidman, trying to figure out where to start.

 

Kidman breaks the silence.  “Stefano filled me in on some of what’s been going on.”  She pauses.  “He’s…different than I expected.  After the way that you described him in STEM, I mean.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian answers.  “It’s hard to tell what’s going on with him sometimes.  He doesn’t seem to remember much from before Union.  Is that normal?”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t say any of this is normal,” Kidman says with a laugh that sounds a little bitter, “but it’s typical of the Union citizens.  When their consciousness was uploaded into STEM, all of their memories were supposed to be completely rewritten, replaced with memories of living in Union, because of course if they remembered being transplanted there from another life, that would have ruined the whole experiment.”

 

Sebastian bristles at the word ‘experiment’.  “Damn it, Kidman,” he hisses, looking around to make sure they aren’t attracting unwanted attention.  “These were real people with real lives that Mobius ruined for their stupid science fair project-”

 

Kidman holds up a hand.  “I’m just the messenger, Sebastian.”  Sebastian stops and waits for her to continue, because it is a little unfair to blame Kidman for everything when she is the one who helped them escape.  “Now, you said that Stefano had some memories from before Union?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers, still annoyed but willing to follow Kidman’s line of questioning.  “Mostly unpleasant ones though- a couple of major traumatic events and some vague impressions of other things.”  He pauses, because he remembers how some of those traumatic memories came up, and he realizes that his next question is going to sound a little crazy.  “Were you aware of something else in STEM?  Like a ghost or something?”

 

It sounds even stupider when he says it out loud, but Kidman nods.  “We didn’t get to collect a lot of data on it, because it happened after we lost track of Lily, but yes, there was a certain…phenomenon that more than one of our agents described as a ghost.  We called it Anima.  We still aren’t sure what it was exactly or how it got into the system.  Our best guess is that the absence of a Core allowed for power to shift to less stable personalities, but it could also have been some sort of mass hallucination.”

 

Sebastian nods and waits for Kidman to continue.

 

“Whatever it was, it was appearing to the people in STEM- Union citizens, Mobius agents, everyone- sometimes multiple times, and its appearance seemed to trigger people to remember things from their past, from before Union.  Most of the citizens couldn’t handle having their memories re-set like that again without losing themselves completely.  That was when they became what we called Lost.”

 

“Stefano and I ran into that thing more than once,” Sebastian says, “and Theodore was able to do something similar, re-creating and manipulating memories.”

 

Kidman raises her eyebrows.  “We really don’t have any subjects to compare to Stefano, but after multiple memory re-sets and being exposed to Anima and Theodore and Lily’s power, it’s a wonder he didn’t come out of STEM catatonic or worse.”

 

Sebastian is silent for a moment, because the idea of Stefano being catatonic is as bad as when Kidman suggested that he might not have a physical body anymore.

 

“He must have had a strong sense of self to start with,” Kidman says, sounding thoughtful, “to be able to maintain any continuity of consciousness under that kind of mental strain.  He probably-”

 

“Kidman,” Sebastian interrupts, because Kidman is starting to sound more and more like a scientist, and Sebastian is close to losing the thread of the conversation completely.  “What does that mean for us going forward?”

 

“I don’t know exactly,” Kidman says with a sigh.  “There isn’t anyone else in the world right now to compare to him, or you or Lily for that matter.  Each of you is in a pretty unique situation.”

 

“Lily seems to have bounced right back,” Sebastian says.

 

“Kids are resilient,” Kidman answers with a smile.  “And she was chosen as the Core because she had a strong mind and a well-balanced psyche.  She’ll probably need some time to adjust, but it shouldn’t be that different from any child who just moved across the country.”

 

“And Stefano?” asks Sebastian.

 

“He’s experienced a lot of trauma,” Kidman says, sounding like she is choosing her words carefully.  “And it seems like he’s lost a lot of himself, but he’s still in there.  Just be careful and be supportive, which he says you’re already doing-”.  She smiles again.  “-and I think over time you’ll see more of his personality coming through.”

 

“Hopefully not the violent parts,” Sebastian adds, and Kidman’s expression turns serious.

 

“I hope not,” Kidman says, “but I also can’t be sure how much of that was Stefano and how much was corruption in STEM, which is also a documented phenomenon.  Just be careful.”

 

“I will,” Sebastian answers.  “Speaking of which, what else did Stefano tell you about me?”

 

“That you’re being extremely careful,” Kidman says with a wry smile.  “Maybe excessively careful.”

 

Sebastian sighs.  “Maybe,” he concedes, “but after last time, I feel like I can’t be too careful.  If I had just-”

 

“Sebastian,” Kidman cuts in.  “You can’t blame yourself for any of that.  Myra never blamed you.”

 

Sebastian’s surprise at hearing this must show on his face, because Kidman continues.  “Not once, not in the entire time I knew her, did she ever have a negative thing to say about you.”

 

Sebastian feels a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  “That’s just how Myra was though.  She never had a negative thing to say about anyone.”

 

“But she didn’t blame you for what happened,” Kidman says firmly.  “No one could blame you.  Mobius was so powerful that you never had a chance to intervene.  You never even had a chance to learn the truth until the very end.”

 

“And that’s what I’m worried about,” Sebastian says.  “How do I know they’re not still out there waiting to drag us all back in again?”

 

“That’s what I’ve been working on since the last time I saw you,” Kidman replies.  “I’ve been going through all of the records, and every Mobius employee had a chip installed.”  She pauses, letting her words sink in.  “Every Mobius employee is dead except me.”

 

Despite the gravity of those words, Sebastian immediately jumps to the next question, to the only other person who mentioned getting their chip removed.  “Sykes?”

 

“Dead,” Kidman says.  “He never made it out of STEM.”

 

This news is a blow to Sebastian, because Sykes was one of the people he met in STEM that he really liked, and he hadn’t realized just how much he had been holding on to the little shred of hope that Sykes actually made it out the way Stefano did.

 

“So there are no more Mobius employees out there at all?” Sebastian asks, refocusing on the issue at hand.

 

“No,” Kidman says decisively.  “Every chip is accounted for, and every chip except mine is broadcasting from a dead brain.”

 

“Wow,” Sebastian sits back, reorganizing his thoughts for a moment, because one thing he did not expect from this meeting was a clear, definitive answer to his worries about Mobius.  Then he remembers something else.  “What about rival companies?” he asks.  “Is there someone else who might come after Lily?”

 

“It’s possible that someone else could be interested in the STEM technology and a known Core candidate,” Kidman says, “but I think I’ve made it very difficult for them.”

 

“How?” Sebastian asks.

 

“By altering Mobius’ records,” Kidman says.  “I’ve removed you, me, Lily, Stefano, and Myra from the system completely.  If anyone is able to access those records, there is no connection between Mobius and any of us.”   Kidman flashes Sebastian a grin, clearly proud of herself.

 

“Does that actually work?” Sebastian asks, because a lot of this is going over his head.

 

“Well, it left some weird-looking holes in the records,” Kidman replies with a shrug.  “You’d be able to tell that something was removed, just not what exactly it was.”

 

“Why not just wipe the records completely?” Sebastian asks, because that seems like the most obvious solution.

 

“Because I’m still using them,” Kidman says.  “Every Mobius employee and every civilian that was part of the Union project is dead, but the records suggest that there are other STEM terminals still in use and that those terminals have people attached to them.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says, loudly and sharply enough that several other diners turn and stare at him.  Sebastian and Kidman freeze for a few seconds, until everyone goes back to eating, before Kidman answers in a hushed voice.

 

“Yes, Sebastian, there are still people in STEM.”

 

“But how is that possible if there are no employees to run it?” Sebastian says, trying to keep his voice low.

 

“Because STEM was designed to run itself,” Kidman replies.  “Even Union required almost no oversight before Theodore and Stefano’s interference.  With a stable Core, a STEM system can run indefinitely on its own.”

 

“And how are the people staying alive?” Sebastian asks.

 

“You saw it yourself with Lily and Stefano.  It’s all automated,” Kidman says.  “Artificial nutrition and hydration, all bodily systems monitored all the time.  It’s actually an exceptional design.”  She pauses.  “I don’t know if I ever would have found out if you hadn’t insisted on rescuing Stefano.  Before that, I had sort of assumed that STEM was being run on brains alone, not full bodies.”

 

“Is this all happening in Krimson City?” Sebastian asks, because the scope Kidman is describing is staggering, but so was the scope of the Union project.

 

“No,” Kidman answers, “there are Mobius locations all over the country.”

 

“And you’ve been going around to all of them unplugging people?”  Sebastian asks in disbelief, because it sounds crazy, but also like the sort of thing Kidman would do.

 

“Not exactly,” Kidman says with a sigh.  “I’ve been to a couple of the sites, but I haven’t been unplugging anyone.  There isn’t really a protocol for removing people from STEM when they’ve had their memories re-written, and I’m not sure that everyone would fare as well as Stefano.  Right now, I’m just making sure the systems are running smoothly and doing some clean-up.”  She wrinkles her nose, and Sebastian can only imagine the clean-up required in a facility where every employee suddenly dropped dead two weeks ago.

 

“And I’m looking for someone specific,” Kidman adds, raising an eyebrow at Sebastian as though he should know who she is talking about.

 

It takes him a moment, but then Sebastian almost knocks his plate off the table in his eagerness to lean forward and ask Kidman, “Joseph?”  She nods.  “He’s not…?  I thought you shot him?”

 

“I did,” Kidman replies, “in STEM, but I don’t think he’s dead.  At least, Mobius keeps records of test subjects who have died, and he’s not on those.  He’s still listed as an active subject, but I can’t tell where.”

 

“Oh my god,” Sebastian says, more to himself than Kidman, as he sits back in his seat and tries to process the rush of feelings that accompany this revelation- relief that Joseph is alive, guilt that he hasn’t been looking for him, anger at Mobius for what they did to him.  “I have to help you,” he blurts out.  “You have to let me help you find him.”

 

Kidman is already shaking her head before Sebastian even finishes speaking.  “No, Sebastian.  There are too many uncertainties right now.  We don’t know where he is or what sort of condition that STEM system is in or whether it will even be possible to extract him.  And even if we can, it’s almost certain that he won’t remember anything from before going into STEM.”

 

Sebastian sighs deeply, because all of these things are true, but that doesn’t make them any easier to hear.

 

“Besides,” Kidman continues, “Lily’s already lost five years to Mobius.  You can’t put her life on hold any longer.  She needs her father, and Stefano needs you too.”

 

Sebastian rests his elbows on the table and buries his face in his hands, because it is physically painful, like a lead weight in his stomach, to know that Joseph is out there somewhere and to not be able to help him, but Kidman is also making a lot of sense.  They don’t know where Joseph is or if he can even be helped, and he certainly isn’t going to leave Lily to go and look for Joseph, and he can’t take Lily with him without robbing her of even more of her childhood.  He raises his head and looks at Kidman.

 

“You’ll call me the second you find him?”

 

“Of course,” she says.  “You’ll be the first to know.  And you’re going to stop all of this overprotective craziness and start doing some actual parenting?”

 

It stings to hear it phrased like that, but again, Kidman is making a lot of sense, and Sebastian swallows his pride and replies, “Yes.”

 

“Good,” Kidman says with a satisfied smile.  “Then I can give you this.”  She hands him a manila envelope.  Sebastian takes it and looks at her quizzically.  “It’s your birth certificates, social security cards, that kind of stuff,” she explains, “the documents you’ll need to re-establish Lily and Stefano’s identities when you figure out where you’re going to live.”

 

“Holy shit,” says Sebastian.  “How’d you pull this off?”  Any trace of Lily’s existence in the world prior to Union was erased in the fire, and he had assumed that Mobius had also removed all records of Stefano and the other Union citizens to ensure that they wouldn’t be investigated as missing persons.

 

“It wasn’t easy,” Kidman says, “but I think I owe you guys at least this much.”

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian says, reaching across the table to take Kidman’s hand, “for everything.  I can’t believe how much you’ve done for our family.”

 

Kidman glances down at the table.  “You didn’t deserve what Mobius did to you.  None of you did,” she says, squeezing Sebastian’s hand.  “I’m just trying to make it right.”  She looks up at Sebastian.  “We should probably go find Stefano and Lily.”

 

“True,” Sebastian says.  “They got kicked out of a library yesterday, so who knows what they’ll be up to by now.”

 

Kidman laughs, and Sebastian flags down their waiter and pays the bill.  They walk down the street to the art gallery to find Lily and Stefano having a surprisingly civil discussion about the merits of an oil painting.  Lily’s face lights up when she sees Kidman, and she immediately begins trying to explain the painting to her, while Stefano eyes Sebastian nervously, as though trying to assess how the discussion with Kidman went.

 

Sebastian closes the last few feet between him and Stefano and wraps his arms around him, because he is going to be okay.  They are all going to be okay, and they are going to have a normal life, and even though he is still worried about Joseph, he loves Stefano and he needs to hold him in his arms and convey all of that love.  Stefano seems a little surprised at first, but he quickly hugs Sebastian back, and Sebastian turns his head to capture Stefano’s mouth with his, because right now it doesn’t matter who sees them.

 

 

 

By mid-afternoon, they are checking into their hotel, with Sebastian finally feeling secure enough to use his credit card for the first time in two weeks.

 

“Why don’t you let Lily room with me?” Kidman suggests.  “She could probably use some girl time, and I’m sure you guys have things to talk about.”

 

Sebastian hesitates for a moment, because this seems like a big step, but he trusts Kidman, and Lily and Stefano both look so hopeful at her suggestion that he can’t bear to disappoint them.

 

“Alright,” he says.

 

“Yes!  Girl time!” Lily shouts, practically leaping into the air in delight.

 

“Want to meet up for dinner?” Sebastian asks Kidman.

 

“I don’t think so,” Kidman says, looking meaningfully at Sebastian and Stefano.  “We may go shopping or see a movie or something.  We’ll call you if we need anything.”

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says.  “Have fun.”  He turns to Stefano, whose reaction is a little more subtle than Lily’s, but he can still see a shy smile spreading across his face.  “Want to go up to the room?”

 

“Absolutely,” Stefano replies in a soft voice.

 

Stefano still seems a little reserved when they get to their room.  It’s possible that he’s just tired from the day’s activities, but he is quieter than usual and he isn’t making eye contact with Sebastian.  After they’ve put their bags down in the bedroom, Sebastian catches his hand, holds it in his, and waits for Stefano to look at him.

 

Once Stefano’s eye meets his, he asks, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Aren’t you angry with me?” Stefano asks.

 

“What?” Sebastian is completely taken by surprise.  “Why would you think that?”  He tries to think back over the last couple of hours, but he can’t think of anything he would have done to make Stefano think that he was angry.

 

“Because of your talk with Kidman,” Stefano replies, holding Sebastian’s gaze.  “Because of what I told Kidman.”

 

“What did you tell her?  About the other day in the car?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian feels the overwhelming urge to hold him and reassure him, along with another wave of guilt because if he hadn’t had that angry outburst, then Stefano wouldn’t be so nervous to talk to him about this.

 

“Stefano,” he begins, but Stefano is already stepping forward to press their bodies together, already wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s neck and holding on tightly.  Sebastian’s arms come to rest on Stefano’s waist as he tilts his head to murmur in Stefano’s ear.  “It’s okay.  I meant what I said before.  We’re in this together now.”

 

Stefano turns his head and kisses Sebastian’s cheek, and whispers back, “That’s all I need to know.  We can talk more later.  Right now, I need to feel you.”

 

His words send a thrill of excitement racing up Sebastian’s spine, because they have time now.  Lily is off with Kidman, and the looming threat of Mobius has been all but removed, and they can actually relax and enjoy each other without having to worry about anything else.  He shivers and his fingers tighten on Stefano’s waist.

 

“Where do you need to feel me,” he murmurs in Stefano’s ear, pulling Stefano more tightly against his body.

 

“Everywhere,” breathes Stefano.  “Touch me everywhere.”

 

Sebastian turns his head and captures Stefano’s mouth in a long, slow kiss.  When their lips part, Sebastian steps back.  “Only if I can look at you first,” he says.

 

Now Stefano is the one who looks confused, but Sebastian is captivated by him, almost as though he is really seeing him for the first time, here in the afternoon sunlight filtering in through the sheer curtains.  Stefano is visibly trembling in his eagerness to be touched by Sebastian, as Sebastian just drinks in the sight of him.  He knows he is probably being rude, but he lets his eyes run up and down Stefano’s slender frame until they come back to rest on his face, and Sebastian realizes what he really wants.

 

He takes a half-step forward, raising his left hand.  “Can I…?”

 

Stefano looks slightly horrified at first, but quickly rearranges his expression into something like resignation.  He takes a deep breath and nods.

 

Sebastian gently sweeps Stefano’s hair off of his face and tucks it behind his ear, and now that he can see all of Stefano’s face, everything is perfect.  He leans in, even as Stefano goes tense, and kisses his forehead and both of his cheeks before he presses his lips to Stefano’s again.

 

When he pulls back, Stefano is still eyeing him uncertainly, so he raises his hands to hold Stefano’s face between them.  “You don’t need to hide anything from me,” he says, staring into Stefano’s eye.  “As far as I’m concerned, every part of you is perfect.”

 

Stefano swallows hard, then a hint of a smirk crosses his face as he replies, “Then you have a terrible sense of aesthetics.”

 

“I’m not even sure what that means,” Sebastian replies, “but I’m not going to change, so you’d better get used to it.”

 

Stefano’s smile breaks through then.  “I supposed I’ll have to.”

 

Seeing Stefano smile like that gives Sebastian a warm feeling in his chest, reminds him that he is supposed to be touching Stefano, and he leans in to kiss him again as his hands tug Stefano’s shirt free of his pants and begin to work at the buttons.  Stefano’s hands are wandering up and down his body until one of them stops at the front of his jeans, palming his cock through the material, and it makes his breath hitch and his tongue falter in Stefano’s mouth even though he’s not even hard yet.

 

Stefano seems to be intent on changing that, because he is rubbing and massaging as Sebastian’s hips push against his hand, and Sebastian is finding it really fucking hard to concentrate on the buttons of Stefano’s shirt when Stefano is practically jerking him off through his pants.

 

Then Stefano’s hand is squeezing him firmly, and Sebastian is definitely hard now, and he can’t wait any longer to get his hands on Stefano, so he just grabs a fistful of shirt in each hand and yanks on it, sending the last few buttons flying.  Stefano pulls back for a moment, looking alarmed, but Sebastian raises a hand to his face, thumb tracing across his cheek as he leans in to kiss him again.

 

However rough he might be with Stefano’s clothes, he is always going to take the utmost care with Stefano’s body.  It seems that Stefano understands this as well, because he kisses back with enthusiasm, and his hands are on Sebastian again within moments.

 

Sebastian slides Stefano’s shirt down his arms, and Stefano impatiently shakes it off so that he can get his hands back on Sebastian’s pants.  Thankfully this time he’s unbuttoning and unzipping and pushing them down along with Sebastian’s boxers, because Sebastian doesn’t know how much more of this he can take.

 

What follows is some awkward fumbling as Sebastian fights his way out of his shirt and his boots and his pants, and finally, after some swearing and flailing around which seems to greatly amuse Stefano, he is naked.  Stefano himself is still terribly over-dressed, and Sebastian kneels down in front of him and starts to unfasten his pants.  Stefano’s hands land on his shoulders, giving a little squeeze, and Sebastian looks up to see Stefano gazing down at him.

 

“Uh oh,” Sebastian says, because he’s seen that look before.  “You’re not going to start talking about me like I’m art again, are you?”

 

Stefano brings a hand to the side of his face.  “If you are allowed to say that I am…” he hesitates for a moment, “…beautiful, then I am allowed to compare you to art.”

 

That actually does seem pretty reasonable to Sebastian, so he shrugs.  “Fair enough.”  He finishes undoing Stefano’s pants and helps support him as he gets out of his remaining clothes.  Then he takes his hand and leads him to the bed.

 

 

 


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian sits up first this time. “Wow,” he says, and Stefano follows his gaze out the window to the downtown skyline. It’s nothing like Florence, but it is impressive in its own way, especially when compared to the small towns and large open fields they’ve been seeing so much of recently.
> 
> “You didn’t see this when we came in?” Stefano asks, because the view was one of the first things he noticed when they came up to the room.
> 
> “No,” Sebastian replies and turns to face Stefano. “Guess I was looking at you.”

 

 

Stefano feels a flutter of nerves in his stomach as he approaches the bed with Sebastian.  He isn’t sure if that will ever go away entirely, but he knows that Sebastian will take care of him, and he wants to believe that there is nothing to be afraid of here, though after last night, he isn’t entirely sure.

 

Despite some very pleasurable moments when Sebastian’s fingers were inside him, their last session has left Stefano with no small amount of anxiety.  His greatest fear, worse than even the pain or the memories of the dungeon, is of disappointing Sebastian, of not being able to give Sebastian what he needs.  And even now, he can feel that tension, can hear that small voice in his head telling him that he won’t be enough for Sebastian, that he will fail again.

 

“Stefano.”  Sebastian’s voice is soft, gentle in his ear, and so much more pleasant than the other voice that he turns toward Sebastian, who is now seated on the bed looking up at him with Stefano’s hand still clasped in his.

 

“You okay?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano nods.  “Perhaps I am thinking too much again,” he replies.

 

“Come here,” Sebastian says as he moves back farther onto the bed.  “Let me touch you.”

 

 And Stefano does, and Sebastian does not disappoint.  Starting at Stefano’s hand, he maps out his entire body with his fingers.  In a way it reminds Stefano of the time Sebastian helped him in the dungeon that now feels so far away.  Sebastian is touching him everywhere, handling every part of him so carefully, and murmuring words of comfort to him the whole time.

 

In the beginning, it isn’t particularly arousing, which is fine, because Sebastian’s touch is nice and soothing and helps Stefano get back into a comfortable, safe place in his mind, helps him remember that Sebastian doesn’t expect anything from him, that they are only going to do what he wants to do.

 

By the time Sebastian’s fingers are trailing up his thigh toward his cock, Stefano is reaching for Sebastian, pulling him closer and kissing him fiercely as Sebastian’s hand covers him, pressing down just enough to send a ripple of excitement through his body.  He lets his own hand move between Sebastian’s legs and hears Sebastian emit a little groan as his hand closes around him.  He remembers how lovely it was to take Sebastian’s cock in his mouth yesterday, to hear Sebastian pant and moan and come completely undone because of him, and he wants to do it again.

 

Stefano moves down Sebastian’s body, starts to lick at Sebastian’s cock, which is just as magnificent as he remembers, when Sebastian interrupts him.  “Hold on a second.  Let me show you something,” he says, as he reorients himself.  When he is finished, they are still lying on their sides facing each other, but now their feet are pointing different directions, so that Sebastian can reach his cock just as well as he can reach Sebastian’s, which is certainly an interesting development.

 

He leans in toward Sebastian’s cock again, and Sebastian raises one leg, bracing it on the bed to make room for him.  Even though he is sort of sideways and upside down from the orientation he is used to, he can pillow his head on Sebastian’s other leg and easily take his cock in hand, hold it steady as he laps slowly at the head, tastes the precum that is already seeping out.  He can feel Sebastian’s warm breath on his own cock and Sebastian’s hands guiding his legs into position and finally Sebastian’s mouth, kissing and licking up and down the length of his cock.

 

Sebastian’s hand closes around him, warm and strong and slightly callused, and Sebastian’s tongue is wetting him liberally, and it feels absolutely perfect.  He has to refocus, has to remind himself not to forget what he is doing.  He licks his way down to the base of Sebastian’s cock, then grasps him fully and starts to pump his hand, the movements lubricated by his saliva.  Sebastian moans and delivers a few more wet swipes of his tongue to Stefano’s cock before he eases his foreskin back, exposing the head, and Stefano shivers in anticipation of his next move.

 

Sebastian’s mouth wraps fully around the head of his cock, and it is so exposed and so incredibly sensitive that Stefano can’t keep quiet anymore, and he gasps and whines and starts to move his hips against Sebastian’s face.  He draws Sebastian’s cock into his mouth, applying the same delicious, wet suction that Sebastian is giving him, and for a moment they are both squirming against each other.

 

Stefano is in danger of getting lost in his own pleasure, so he tries to distract himself by focusing more on Sebastian.  He uses his tongue to explore every ridge and surface of Sebastian’s cock, and it must be doing some good, because Sebastian is groaning deep in his throat, which produces a vibration that feels fantastic on Stefano’s cock.  Then one of Sebastian’s hands is fondling his balls, which also feels lovely.

 

Stefano probes at Sebastian’s slit with his tongue, licking up every drop of precum and then pressing just the tip of his tongue inside to wriggle around.  Sebastian’s groans are turning into whimpers, and his legs are trembling on either side of Stefano’s head, and Stefano takes him in deep, lets the tip of Sebastian’s cock brush the back of his throat as his hand gives one more strong pump and Sebastian utters a muffled cry and jerks underneath him and Sebastian’s seed is spilling into his mouth.

 

Despite the position he is in, he manages to swallow it all down.  It has an odd, slightly bitter taste, but it’s Sebastian’s and the smell of Sebastian is all around him, and he can’t think of any way that this could be better until Sebastian’s mouth is moving on his cock again.  Sebastian’s hand is lightly squeezing his balls, and as Sebastian’s tongue sweeps over him again and again, his breath catches in his throat and he lets Sebastian’s cock slip out of his mouth as he turns his face into Sebastian’s thigh.  He’s shaking all over now from such prolonged focus on such a sensitive place, but Sebastian isn’t letting up at all, and then his climax is crashing over him as he clings to Sebastian and bucks his hips one more time into Sebastian’s mouth before he goes completely limp.

 

Stefano feels like he is floating for a moment, wrapped around Sebastian and with Sebastian wrapped around him.  He doesn’t want to move, doesn’t think he can move, but fortunately Sebastian takes care of that after pressing a kiss to his inner thigh.  The next thing Stefano knows, Sebastian has turned himself around so that he is face to face with Stefano again, and Stefano finds himself in Sebastian’s strong arms with his head resting on Sebastian’s chest.

 

“Was that another one of your famous ‘ideas’?” Stefano asks, and his voice sounds as contented and drowsy as he feels.

 

“I’ve actually never done that before,” Sebastian admits, his hand running absently up and down Stefano’s back, “but it was a lot of fun.”

 

Normally Stefano would have three or four more appropriate words in mind to describe what they just did, but at the moment his mind is blissfully empty.  They lie there like that for a few minutes, just holding each other and basking in the afterglow, until Sebastian asks, “Want to take a shower?”

 

“You read my mind,” Stefano replies, because even a half-day of sitting in the car has left him feeling sort of grimy.  “Though that plan does require us to get up.”

 

“I did not think this through,” Sebastian says with a groan.  “New plan- we lie right here like this until dinner time.”

 

Stefano laughs and sits up, trying to pull Sebastian with him, but Sebastian is a bit heavier and stronger than he is, so he just ends up being pulled back down next to Sebastian, who rolls over halfway onto him and plants a kiss on his lips.

 

“Okay, fine,” Sebastian says with a sigh, “if we can make it to the bathroom, we’ll take a shower.”

 

Stefano rolls his eye, because he isn’t sure what, aside from Sebastian’s laziness, would prevent them from reaching the bathroom.

 

Sebastian sits up first this time.  “Wow,” he says, and Stefano follows his gaze out the window to the downtown skyline.  It’s nothing like Florence, but it is impressive in its own way, especially when compared to the small towns and large open fields they’ve been seeing so much of recently.

 

“You didn’t see this when we came in?” Stefano asks, because the view was one of the first things he noticed when they came up to the room.

 

“No,” Sebastian replies and turns to face Stefano.  “Guess I was looking at you.”

 

Sebastian leans in to kiss him again, and Stefano thinks that he may never understand what Sebastian sees in him, but he clearly isn’t going to be talked out of it at this point.  There is nothing to do but kiss him back and then spend a few minutes sitting next to Sebastian, resting his head on Sebastian’s shoulder as they both gaze out the window at the city bathed in the weak sunlight of a late October afternoon.

 

They do get around to showering eventually, and Sebastian’s hands are everywhere, gliding over Stefano’s damp skin leaving him tingling and excited all over again.  He presses himself against Sebastian at every opportunity, reaching up to kiss him, and it doesn’t even startle him anymore when Sebastian grabs his ass and kisses him back.

 

Despite all of the recreational touching, they manage to get cleaned up and dried off.  Stefano is shivering a little when he gets out of the shower and is pleased to find that this hotel has large, fluffy bathrobes hanging in the closet.  He pulls one on, then offers one to Sebastian.

 

“No thanks,” Sebastian replies.  “I think I’d be too hot in that.  Besides, who says we have to get dressed anyway?  It’s just us here.”

 

“You make a good point,” Stefano says, though he is more comfortable being at least partially covered.  “I suppose it also depends on what you want to do next.”  He is eager to get back to more intimate activities with Sebastian, but they do have all night and it is probably wise to pace themselves.

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian muses.  “Maybe watch a movie?”

 

“That sounds perfect,” Stefano answers, and Sebastian pulls on his pajama pants before they go into the living room.  Sebastian must really be warm-blooded, because he seems perfectly comfortable being shirtless in a room that Stefano finds a little chilly, but he obligingly dials up the thermostat while Stefano picks out a movie.

 

He suspects that it doesn’t really matter what they’re watching, which turns out to be accurate, because about twenty minutes into the movie, he finds himself sitting on Sebastian’s lap.  Sebastian has his back against one of the arms of the sofa, and Stefano’s back is resting on Sebastian’s chest as Sebastian’s hands slip inside his robe to trail across his skin, leaving goose bumps in their wake.  It seems that Sebastian can’t keep his hands off of him, and that is just fine with Stefano.

 

Stefano sighs deeply as those hands move up his chest, stroking over his skin before Sebastian takes a nipple between his thumb and forefinger, gently pinching and rolling it, and Stefano is already starting to get hard again from the pleasurable tingling, the little stabs of raw excitement that Sebastian’s touch brings him.

 

Sebastian teases and plays with his nipples for a few more minutes, squeezing and tugging and pinching, until Stefano is fairly confident that Sebastian is just trying to see how many different noises he can draw out of Stefano by stimulating them in different ways.  Then Sebastian’s hands move to the belt of his robe, and Sebastian hesitates, kisses him near his temple before asking, “Is this okay?”

 

Stefano nods, because he is not giving Sebastian the satisfaction of any more vocalizations until Sebastian stops teasing him.  Sebastian unties the belt and lays the robe open on either side of Stefano, and suddenly he is completely exposed, and the cool air of the room is a little shocking to feel on his sensitive areas, and his head is spinning for a moment in a rush of dizzy excitement at being laid out like this in front of Sebastian.  He closes his eye and waits.

 

Sebastian’s hands are on him almost immediately, and they are warm and gentle and sweeping up and down his body, soothing away the chill of the room as Stefano trembles under them.  Sebastian still seems to be in a teasing mood, because he is touching Stefano everywhere but where he needs to be touched most, and Stefano whines in frustration as Sebastian’s hands rub down his hips and legs and back up his inner thighs, urging his legs to bend and spread apart a little, but still not bringing him any relief.

 

Sebastian’s touch becomes very light, and he is tracing patterns on Stefano’s legs and on his belly.  Stefano’s cock is fully hard now, and he opens his eye, looking down to see that it is lying heavy against his belly, flushed dark pink, and leaking precum, and still Sebastian refuses to touch him there.  He is right at the point of taking matters into his own hands when Sebastian takes one of his hands off of Stefano and starts fumbling on the floor beside the sofa.

 

“Really?” Stefano says, when Sebastian produces the bottle of lube, though he supposes he shouldn’t be surprised.  “Did you plan this?”

 

“Well, I figured something would happen,” Sebastian says, and Stefano doesn’t need to look at him to imagine his smile.  “Always better to be prepared.”

 

Stefano certainly isn’t going to question Sebastian’s love of preparation or of lube, for that matter, so he simply gives an overly theatrical sigh and relaxes back against Sebastian, waiting patiently while Sebastian dispenses some lube into his hand.

 

The first touch of Sebastian’s fingers to his cock is electric, and Stefano groans and lets his head rest back on Sebastian’s shoulder, closing his eye as he tries to focus on Sebastian’s hands.  Sebastian takes a full grip on him then, and his hand is warm and slick and exerting just enough pressure to make him arch up into Sebastian’s touch, but not enough to actually get him anywhere.  Sebastian’s hand is still, just holding him as he waits and wonders what on earth Sebastian thinks he is doing.

 

Sebastian’s beard tickles his ear as he says, “Stay with me.  Open your eye.”  And Stefano does open his eye, and the sight of Sebastian’s hand wrapped around his cock almost sends him over the edge right then.  This is, of course, not the first time Sebastian has done this, but it is the first time Stefano has actually looked, actually seen what he is doing.  His instinct is always to close his eye or look at the ceiling or find another way to dissociate his mind from his body, and it seems somehow indecent to stare right at Sebastian’s hand on him.

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian murmurs in his ear.  “Just watch me.  Let me make you feel good.”  Sebastian’s voice, a low rumble in his ear, already has Stefano trembling again, and when Sebastian’s hand starts to move, his arousal hits him in another dizzying wave and he has to fight to keep his eye open, to watch as Sebastian’s hand slides up and down his cock.  The feeling is somehow intensified by seeing the way Sebastian’s hand grips him, the way he eases his foreskin down little by little so that his slick fingers can rub all over the head, making him gasp and squirm in Sebastian’s arms under the sudden overload of sensation.

 

Fortunately Sebastian knows when to back off, when to grip him fully again and pump his fist up and down, and watching his cock pushing through Sebastian’s hand each time is thrilling.  Stefano isn’t sure what to do with his own hands, so he ends up grabbing the back of the sofa with one and the cushion next to Sebastian’s leg with the other.  Sebastian gives him a few more slow pumps before he focuses on the head of his cock again, teasing the slit with his thumb as Stefano writhes and moans and struggles to keep his eye open.

 

He’s already close when Sebastian grasps his cock again and starts to slide his hand up and down.  He’s much more familiar with the feeling now, but it is still intense- the raw, pleasurable ache between his legs, his heart pounding in his chest, his breaths coming faster and harsher.  It all builds to a crescendo as he watches Sebastian’s hand stroke him expertly, increasing pressure and speed to match his rising arousal until he’s there, and he lets his head fall back on Sebastian’s shoulder, crying out as his vision goes white and his climax rips through him, leaving him boneless against Sebastian.

 

Sebastian holds him through it, kisses the side of his face even though Stefano is too blissed out to respond.  Sebastian fumbles beside the sofa again and produces a handful of tissues, which he uses to wipe both of them off, then arranges Stefano’s robe back across his body and wraps his arms around him and just holds him.  Stefano drifts for a few minutes, not asleep, but deeply relaxed and comfortable and so safe in Sebastian’s arms.

 

Finally, when the pleasantly drowsy feeling is starting to recede a bit, Stefano stretches, arching his back against Sebastian.  “Thank you,” he says.  “That was quite exceptional.”  Stefano is starting to realize that almost every sexual experience he has with Sebastian is unlike anything in his memory, but he is still impressed by Sebastian’s resourcefulness.

 

Stefano rolls over carefully, so as not to catch Sebastian with a knee or an elbow, and settles in, still half on top of Sebastian.  “I’m not putting too much weight on you, am I?” he asks.  It’s a bit of an afterthought, because he has rested his full weight on Sebastian many times, but for some reason it seems like the right time to check on Sebastian’s comfort.

 

“No,” Sebastian replies, and his arms are around Stefano again.  “You’re perfect.”

 

“That is not what I asked,” Stefano says.  Sebastian just laughs, and they spend another hour or so holding each other and kissing and half-watching the movie.

 

By the time the credits are rolling, Sebastian’s hand is working its way up Stefano’s thigh, and Stefano raises an eyebrow at him.  “Is this what living with you is going to be like?”

 

“Maybe at first,” Sebastian says with a wink.  “I’m just not used to having access to you so much of the time.”

 

Stefano has absolutely no complaints about Sebastian’s desire to continue touching him.  So much of this is new and thrilling, and having the rest of the night to explore with Sebastian is an intriguing prospect.  He raises his leg to give Sebastian more room to work, letting it come to rest on Sebastian’s hip, as Sebastian’s hand slips higher and disappears under his robe.

 

Sebastian’s hand settles on his ass, massaging firmly for a few moments before he takes a softer touch and lets his fingers stroke up and down between Stefano’s cheeks, lightly grazing his opening.  The feeling is becoming less foreign, and Stefano knows now that Sebastian isn’t going to try to enter him without something to ease the way, but he still shivers at the sensation of being touched there.

 

“Is this okay?” Sebastian murmurs in his ear, and as much as Stefano hopes that one day Sebastian won’t have to ask that question every time he tries to touch him here, he is grateful for Sebastian’s consideration at this moment.

 

“Yes,” he replies, though his voice sounds small, even in his own ears.

 

Sebastian makes a few more passes with his fingers, grazing the skin around Stefano’s opening, and then says, “Hold on a minute.”

 

He shifts out from under Stefano, and then down onto the floor between the sofa and the coffee table.  Stefano isn’t sure what he is doing at first, but then he takes Stefano by the hips and guides him to lie on his back on the sofa, lifting one of his legs and arranging it so that he can brace himself on the coffee table.

 

Sebastian runs his hands up and down Stefano’s thighs.  “How are you doing?” he asks.

 

“A little confused,” Stefano answers honestly, because while this new position does give Sebastian access to a lot of his body, he still isn’t sure exactly what Sebastian is planning.  “What are you going to do?”

 

Sebastian gives him a reassuring smile.  “If it’s alright with you, I want to use my mouth again.”

 

That makes Stefano’s heart skip a beat, because the way Sebastian says it doesn’t sound like he’s talking about what they did back in the bedroom a few hours ago.

 

“Oh,” Stefano says, temporarily at a loss for words.  He can feel his face flushing hot because there is something exquisitely dirty about what Sebastian is suggesting, and he wants it.  He can’t bring himself to speak, but he nods to Sebastian and presses his hands to his face, because he definitely cannot watch this.

 

“You sure this is okay?” Sebastian asks, voice low and soothing, as he lays Stefano’s robe open.  The air in the room is a little warmer this time, but the feeling of exposure is the same, and the proximity of Sebastian’s face to his sensitive areas is intensifying everything.

 

Stefano takes a deep breath, because this is more than okay.  This is something he needs, but it is a difficult thing to ask for.  “Please, Sebastian,” he whispers finally.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says, sliding his hands under Stefano’s legs to rest on his ass.  Then Sebastian is pressing a kiss to the inside of his knee and working his way slowly up his leg until his mouth is pressed to Stefano’s inner thigh, and Stefano’s hips are lifting up off the couch to meet him.  It takes Stefano by surprise, but Sebastian catches him, supports him, uses his hands to keep Stefano’s hips lifted and cheeks spread apart, and without further preamble, Sebastian’s tongue is on him.

 

The feeling is warm and wet and gentle, and much like the last time, Stefano is embarrassed by how much he enjoys it.  Sebastian starts out with slow, steady licks, and Stefano’s body responds almost immediately, even though he’s already climaxed twice.  He presses up against Sebastian’s mouth, stifling a moan behind his hand as Sebastian’s tongue bathes him and the excitement builds and his cock starts to take notice again.

 

Then Sebastian’s hands are spreading him even wider, and Sebastian’s tongue is carefully probing at his opening, and he is sighing deeply, relaxing his body in Sebastian’s hands, and letting the tip of Sebastian’s tongue slip inside.  The way Sebastian’s tongue penetrates him is too soft, too effortless to give him any cause for concern, and the warm, pleasurable feelings are spreading through his lower body, and within just a few minutes his cock is absolutely aching to be touched.

 

It seems unreasonable to ask Sebastian for help with this, as his hands are quite occupied at the moment, and after all, Sebastian is always telling him to do what feels right.  With this in mind, Stefano reaches for the lube, pouring a little into his own hand and taking hold of his cock.  It is still very sensitive, and he has to keep his touch light, but a little moan escapes him as he makes a loose fist around it.

 

Sebastian’s tongue never falters, but he does give Stefano’s ass a squeeze, which Stefano interprets as encouragement.  He touches himself, slowly and gently, as Sebastian’s tongue thrusts in and out of him.  His senses feel dulled, the world around him fuzzy and indistinct, but it’s not a frightening feeling this time, because he is so perfectly relaxed and comfortable and being coaxed toward another climax by his own hand and Sebastian’s mouth.

 

It is a rather slow process, but Sebastian keeps working at it, alternating between firm, wet swipes across the outside of Stefano’s opening and deeper thrusts of his tongue.  Within a few minutes, Stefano’s cock has fully revived and he is able to take it in a firmer grasp and slide his hand up and down.  The first stroke draws a moan out of him, but it feels familiar, and even if he can’t remember actually doing this before, he must have at some point.

 

He experiments a little, varying the pressure and speed until he finds a rhythm that has his breath coming in harsh pants and his hips making small, jerky movements, torn between pressing forward into his hand or back toward Sebastian’s mouth.  Even then, it still takes a few more minutes of stroking and relaxing into Sebastian and focusing on these two sets of soft, easy, pleasurable sensations, and it is a slower, gentler sort of climax that washes over him as he gasps one more time and holds his cock steady as his release spills out onto his hand.

 

Sebastian sits up, but doesn’t let go of Stefano’s ass yet, which is a good thing, because Stefano is so loose and relaxed that he is in real danger of sliding off the sofa and onto the floor.  Sebastian shifts him over so that he is safely back on the sofa and then climbs up next to him and uses a tissue to wipe off his hand.  Stefano spends the next several minutes dozing comfortably between Sebastian and the back of the sofa, with Sebastian’s arms around him and his head tucked under Sebastian’s chin.

 

Unfortunately, Stefano’s stomach chooses that moment to remind him that it has been several hours since lunch and that he really didn’t eat very much for lunch anyway.  Sebastian laughs and rubs his back.  “Maybe we should get cleaned up and order some room service.”

 

“That may be one of your best ideas ever,” replies Stefano.  Staying here and partly undressed with Sebastian is certainly preferable to any of the other ways that they could obtain food.

 

It is a few minutes later, as Stefano is taking a quick second shower while Sebastian is brushing his teeth, that Stefano asks, “What exactly is your plan here?”

 

“Hmm?” Sebastian says, sounding like he still has a toothbrush in his mouth.

 

Stefano peeks around the shower curtain so that Sebastian can hear him over the water.  “What is your plan?  Are you trying to incapacitate me so that I won’t ask you to try…the other thing again?”

 

“No,” Sebastian says, spitting his toothpaste into the sink before he continues.  “If I have a plan at all, and that is a big ‘if’, then the plan is that if we’re going to try that again, you should be really relaxed and I should still be able to perform.”  He smiles at Stefano.  “That’s all.”

 

“I see,” Stefano replies.  “That explains why you’ve been so focused on me this evening.”

 

“Maybe,” Sebastian says, moving in closer to Stefano.  “Or maybe I just like doing stuff to you.”  He leans in and kisses Stefano.

 

“I have noticed that as well,” Stefano replies once the kiss has ended.  Even after just two weeks with Sebastian, he has learned that Sebastian will gladly put his own needs on hold in order to please Stefano.  “Why don’t you order us some food while I finish washing up?”

 

When Stefano has cleaned up for the second time that evening and pulled on a second bathrobe and ventured out into the living area, he finds Sebastian still shirtless and in his pajama pants, sitting at the table.  Stefano leans over and kisses him, then asks, “Is the food coming?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers.  “I didn’t know what you would want, so I ordered one of everything.”  Stefano’s horror at this idea must show on his face, because Sebastian laughs and adds, “I’m joking.  I ordered a very reasonable amount of food.”

 

Stefano is still suspicious, because he has seen what Sebastian considers to be a reasonable amount of food.  That said, he does have some questions for Sebastian, so he sits down across from him.  He isn’t really sure how to tactfully change the subject to more serious matters, so he jumps right in.

 

“How was your talk with Kidman?”

 

“Very informative,” Sebastian replies.  “She’s pretty amazing, and she’s been busy since we last saw her.”

 

“Tracking Mobius?” Stefano asks with interest.  Despite his impression that Mobius is finished, Kidman would be the one to know for sure.

 

“Sort of,” Sebastian says.  “All of the Mobius employees are dead.  Kidman confirmed that with the chips that everyone had implanted in their brains.”  He pauses.  “Sykes is dead too.  She says he never made it out of STEM.”

 

“Ah, that’s a shame,” Stefano says, but it is an automatic response.  He doesn’t feel anything for Sykes, even though the look on Sebastian’s face says that maybe he should.  “So, if everyone is dead, what has she been tracking?”

 

“The STEM projects,” Sebastian explains.  “Apparently there are still some STEM terminals up and running, with civilians being maintained the same way you and Lily were.”  Stefano raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment.  “So she’s been investigating those locations.”  Sebastian stops speaking, but it’s abrupt, as though he has more to say.  Stefano waits.

 

“She’s looking for Joseph,” Sebastian says finally.  “She thinks he’s still alive and in one of the STEM systems.”

 

This news does cause Stefano to feel something, a prickling of unease in his belly at the thought of Joseph coming back into Sebastian’s life.  “What does that mean for us?” he asks gesturing between Sebastian and himself.

 

“It doesn’t change how I feel about you if that’s what you’re asking,” Sebastian says, reaching across the table to take Stefano’s hand in both of his.  “Joseph is important to me, and I owe it to him to help rescue him if I can, but we won’t know if that’s even possible until Kidman finds him and does some more research on STEM extraction.   Apparently there wasn’t really any system in place to extract civilians from STEM.  You’re sort of the exception to the rule.”

 

“What do you mean?” asks Stefano, suddenly on edge.  “Did you talk to Kidman about me?”

 

Sebastian nods, still holding Stefano’s hand.  “I was worried about you…your memories and how you’re adjusting to not being in STEM.”  He sighs.  “She said it was pretty amazing that you have any of your memories left at all, that you were probably very close to being one of those Lost things, but that you somehow managed to keep your sense of self.”

 

Stefano considers telling Sebastian not to pity him, but remembers the time Sebastian lectured him on the difference between pity and compassion.  Sebastian is all compassion.  It is practically dripping off of him, and sometimes in this kind of situation, it is actually Sebastian who needs to be comforted.

 

“Come here,” Stefano says, gently tugging on Sebastian’s hand.  Sebastian looks grateful as he comes around the table and drops to his knees next to Stefano, wrapping his arms around him and burying his head in Stefano’s chest.

 

“I’m alright,” Stefano murmurs.  “We are all going to be alright.”  What Kidman said makes sense to Stefano.  When he was in STEM, his mind felt as ravaged as his body, and even though his body has recovered for the most part, he can tell that it will take longer before he truly feels like himself again. 

 

He holds Sebastian, and Sebastian holds him, and they are still sitting like that when the room service waiter knocks on the door.

 

 

 


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He follows Stefano into the bedroom, and when Stefano hesitates beside the bed, Sebastian steps in close behind him, wraps his arms around Stefano’s waist, and murmurs in his ear, “Anything you want is fine. We can just lie down for a little while.”
> 
> Stefano turns in his arms to face him. Sebastian can hear a tremor in his voice, can feel Stefano shaking in his arms, but his gaze doesn’t waver. “I want you. I don’t know how to do it, but I want you.”
> 
> Sebastian pulls him close and kisses the top of his head before whispering into his hair, “That’s okay. I’m not exactly sure how either, but we’ll keep trying until we get it right.”

 

 

The conversation over dinner is much less serious, and the food is good, but Sebastian still thinks it would have been more enjoyable to just hold Stefano all night.  He has always had a hard time letting things go.  He knows this, but he can’t stop it.  Stefano is adjusting and healing and moving on with his life, while Sebastian still finds it hard to think of how much Stefano has endured without being overcome with emotion.

 

Sebastian still doesn’t think that Stefano is eating enough, but at least he is eating more than he did at lunch, and he seems to be taking all of the information about STEM and Mobius and Joseph in stride.  There are still too many unanswered questions when it comes to Joseph and STEM, but Kidman is working on them, and Sebastian knows that regardless of the outcome, he is starting a new life with Stefano and Lily.

 

Speaking of Stefano, Sebastian is more than ready to get his hands on him again.  Stefano has been very receptive to everything they’ve done so far, but after last night, Sebastian isn’t sure if he’ll be willing to try anything more adventurous.  Sebastian isn’t even sure that he himself is ready to do anything more for fear of hurting Stefano.

 

He’s been over it a hundred times in his head trying to figure out what exactly happened and how to make it more pleasurable for Stefano if he wants to try again.  The one thing he hasn’t done is attempt to discuss it with Stefano any further, because he is afraid that drawing attention to it may cause Stefano more stress or anxiety.  Based on their conversation immediately afterward, it seems like Stefano is most worried about not being able to do what he thinks Sebastian wants, which is of course, ridiculous, because the only thing Sebastian wants is for Stefano to enjoy himself.

 

When they’ve finished eating, he looks across the table at Stefano, who is gazing back at him, and asks, “What do you want to do now?”

 

Stefano glances down at the table for a moment and then back up at Sebastian before he says, “Will you come into the bedroom with me?”

 

“I’d love to,” Sebastian says with a smile.  The additional information from Kidman helps Sebastian to make sense of some of Stefano’s behavior- why he can be so self-assured at one moment and so shy the next, why sometimes he feels like he is talking to the old Stefano and sometimes it is like he is interacting with an entirely new person.  It is all just Stefano trying to figure himself out, and Sebastian is willing to give him all the time he needs to do that.

 

He follows Stefano into the bedroom, and when Stefano hesitates beside the bed, Sebastian steps in close behind him, wraps his arms around Stefano’s waist, and murmurs in his ear, “Anything you want is fine.  We can just lie down for a little while.”

 

Stefano turns in his arms to face him.  Sebastian can hear a tremor in his voice, can feel Stefano shaking in his arms, but his gaze doesn’t waver.  “I want you.  I don’t know how to do it, but I want you.”

 

Sebastian pulls him close and kisses the top of his head before whispering into his hair, “That’s okay.  I’m not exactly sure how either, but we’ll keep trying until we get it right.”  Stefano presses against him in response, and Sebastian adds, “Just let me get a few things.  I’ll be right back.”

 

He lets go of Stefano and goes into the living room to pick up the lube, then back to the bedroom to dig a condom out of his bag.  When he bought the condoms and lube back on his first shopping trip, he thought that he was being a little overly optimistic, but they have come in very handy.

 

When he turns back to the bed, Stefano is lying on top of the covers, still in his robe, with his eye on Sebastian.  Sebastian gives him a smile that he hopes is reassuring, sets the condom and lube on the nightstand, and lies down beside him.  He turns on his side to face Stefano, and is reaching out to touch him when the wild look in Stefano’s eye brings him up short.

 

“Okay to touch you?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano says, his expression shifting to confusion.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says, resting his hand on Stefano’s waist on top of his robe.  “Sorry, you just looked like it might not be for a second.”

 

Stefano sighs.  “Sometimes I still do not know what to expect in these situations.”

 

Sebastian sighs as well, giving Stefano’s waist a little squeeze.  “Well, with me, you should expect everything to be very slow and very gentle, and you should expect me to ask a lot of questions about how you’re feeling, probably until you want me to shut up.”

 

Stefano smiles at that.  “I do not think I will ever want you to stop talking to me.”

 

Sebastian smiles back.  He has never been particularly quiet in the bedroom, but before Stefano it was limited to grunts and moans and curses that tend to slip out when he is in the throes of passion.  All of this talking is new, but Stefano seems to respond to it, and Sebastian is more than happy to keep it up if it helps him stay focused on Sebastian instead of his memories.

 

Experimentally, he runs his hand up to Stefano’s shoulder and back down to his hip, and Stefano closes his eye and stretches before relaxing into Sebastian’s hand.  Encouraged, Sebastian shifts his attention to the front of Stefano’s body, and Stefano rolls onto his back, seemingly content for the moment to let Sebastian explore.

 

Sebastian stays on the outside of Stefano’s robe, rubbing all over his chest and down his belly, and from the way Stefano is sighing and how relaxed he seems to be, it must feel pretty good.  The material of the robe is actually very soft under Sebastian’s hand, and he can only imagine that it would feel better when applied to more sensitive areas, so he lets his hand slide even lower.

 

Stefano hums in contentment when Sebastian palms his cock and balls, rubbing them lazily as Stefano’s head tips back onto the pillow and his hips tilt up toward Sebastian’s hand.  Then Sebastian is increasing the pressure and Stefano is moaning and arching up into his hand, and Sebastian could watch Stefano like this for hours, when he is relaxed and unguarded and allowing himself to feel good.

 

After a few more strokes though, Stefano opens his eye and turns to Sebastian.  “Don’t you think it’s your turn now?” he asks, trailing a hand down Sebastian’s bare chest suggestively.

 

“Well, you’re always welcome to touch me,” Sebastian says, “but I probably shouldn’t come again right now.  I’m not as young as you are.  I might only have one more left in me tonight.”  He smiles, bringing a hand up to brush the hair out of Stefano’s face.  Their age difference isn’t really something he’s been overly concerned about, but after seeing Stefano come three times in the space of a few hours, he’s pretty sure he can’t keep up with that.  He’s already had one to take the edge off, so he needs to take it easy for a little while or risk not being able to get it up again at the critical moment.

 

“Very well then,” Stefano says, “I’ll take your word for it.”  There is a blush creeping onto his face as he adds, “And I think I am ready for your fingers.”

 

When Stefano says things like that, Sebastian has a hard time keeping control of himself, but he takes a deep breath and nods and reaches for Stefano’s robe.  Stefano helps to maneuver himself out of it and Sebastian tosses it to the floor before grabbing the lube and setting it on the bed next to him.

 

“We’ve done this a couple of times now,” he says to Stefano.  “What was the most comfortable for you?”

 

Stefano is quiet for a moment, then replies, “On my back, I think.  And can we try it with the pillow like when I was touching you the other morning?”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian says, taking one of the extra pillows and helping Stefano position it under his hips.  Stefano’s legs are shaking a little as he draws them up and spreads them apart.  “It’s alright,” Sebastian murmurs, placing a hand on Stefano’s knee.  “I’ve got you.”

 

Stefano smiles, though he looks like he is putting on a brave face for Sebastian.  “I know.”  After a moment’s hesitation, he adds, “Do you think you could put your other arm around me?”

 

Sebastian considers for a moment.  “I think so.”  He moves in so that he is right next to Stefano and slips one arm behind his neck and shoulders.  “Like that?” he asks.

 

“Yes, that’s perfect,” Stefano replies, lying back so that he is resting on Sebastian’s arm as well as the pillow.  Sebastian glances down Stefano’s body, noting that he can still reach everything he needs to.  He doesn’t need to be able to see where his fingers are going.  He’s done this enough times to be comfortable with that.

 

Looking back at Stefano, Sebastian realizes that this position also has the advantage of putting his face very close to Stefano’s, and he can’t resist leaning in to kiss him.  Stefano’s lips move against his, but he seems subdued, and Sebastian is afraid that he is already starting to shut down or brace himself or whatever it is that he does in this situation.

 

Sebastian eases his tongue into Stefano’s mouth, teasing a little before backing off completely.  He repeats that a few more times before Stefano’s tongue follows his, presses into Sebastian’s mouth, and just like that Stefano is back.  There is nothing tentative about the way that Stefano’s tongue is moving now, and the kiss become rougher, more passionate.  Stefano’s hands are holding his face as his tongue thrusts into Stefano’s mouth, and he reaches down to rub his palm over Stefano’s cock, which is already getting hard again. 

 

Stefano moans and Sebastian pulls back from the kiss, then leans in again to press his lips to Stefano’s forehead.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano whispers.

 

“Yes, it’s me,” Sebastian murmurs, relieved that Stefano seems to be more comfortable, or at least more responsive.  “Stay with me, okay?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes, throwing his head back against the pillow as Sebastian gives his cock a gentle squeeze.

 

“Actually,” Sebastian says, “I do have one other request.  Can you help me with the lube?  I seem to only have the use of one of my hands.”

 

Stefano laughs and takes the lube, dispensing some into Sebastian’s hand and even helping him spread it onto his fingers.  Stefano pauses as he does this, holding Sebastian’s hand up in front of him to look at his fingers critically.

 

“Why does every part of you have to be so big?” Stefano sighs, his brow furrowing as he continues to scrutinize Sebastian’s hand.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian murmurs, pressing another kiss to Stefano’s forehead.  In truth, his fingers aren’t all that big, but Stefano seems to find them intimidating.  “It’s going to be alright.  Remember how it felt when I used my fingers before?”

 

Stefano nods, seemingly pacified by this, and releases Sebastian’s hand.  Sebastian leans in to kiss him again as he brings his hand between Stefano’s legs, tracing the area behind his balls and sliding back further to brush across his opening.  Stefano’s body jerks in his arms at that first touch, which isn’t entirely unexpected.

 

“Relax,” Sebastian whispers.  “It’s just me, just my fingers.  I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

Stefano nods and turns to press his face into Sebastian’s arm as he takes a couple of deep breaths.  Sebastian just strokes lightly back and forth across his opening, making sure everything is nice and slick, waiting for Stefano to relax a little, because even in this one small area of his body, Sebastian can feel the tension.

 

Sebastian’s fingers may not be as big as Stefano seems to think they are, but Stefano’s frame is a bit smaller than Sebastian’s, and Sebastian knows from previous experience that his body is tight, even when he is more relaxed.  When he is tense like this, Sebastian is sure that any kind of penetration would be painful, so he just rubs and massages and waits and tries to reassure Stefano with his voice.

 

“Deep breaths,” he says soothingly.  “You’re safe here.  Nothing is going to happen unless you want it to.”  Suddenly he has another idea.  “Stefano,” he murmurs.  “Open your eye.”

 

Stefano turns his head and opens his eye, looking at Sebastian uncertainly.

 

“That’s it,” Sebastian says.  “Just look at me.  Let me look at you.”  And Stefano does keep looking at him, and he takes a few more deep breaths, and Sebastian can feel him relaxing just a little under his fingers.  “There you go,” he says.  “Just like that.”  He sweeps his fingers back and forth a few more times before he says, “Little more pressure now.  Nothing to worry about.”

 

Stefano manages to stay pretty relaxed as Sebastian presses more firmly with his fingers, rubbing circles around his opening, and as Sebastian continues to touch him and talk to him even more of the tension is leaving his body.

 

“You’re doing great,” Sebastian says.  “Ready for more?”

 

Stefano nods, which isn’t terribly convincing to Sebastian.  “Talk to me,” Sebastian murmurs.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies quietly, “I’m ready.”

 

“Keep your eye on me,” Sebastian instructs, trying to keep his voice calm, because this part always makes him a little nervous too.  “Deep breath.”

 

Sebastian makes a few more small circles, and when Stefano has let out his deep breath and feels nice and loose and relaxed, Sebastian exerts more pressure, little by little, until the tip of his finger slips inside.

 

Stefano gasps, but his eye stays on Sebastian, and he doesn’t clench down this time.  In fact, it feels more like Stefano’s body is trying to draw him in, and between that and the lube making everything so smooth and slick, Sebastian finds that he can ease his finger farther into Stefano’s body with no resistance.  He leans in to kiss Stefano, this one more tender than passionate.  Stefano kisses back and whispers his name against his lips, and Sebastian whispers to him that everything is going to be alright.

 

He presses in a little farther, teasing Stefano’s prostate with the pad of his finger.  Stefano’s demeanor changes immediately at that.  He moans, grabbing Sebastian’s shoulder and holding on.  When Sebastian presses against it more firmly, Stefano actually cries out, hips lifting up off the bed.

 

“Fuck, Stefano,” Sebastian groans, because sometimes it’s almost too much for him to see Stefano like this, moaning and arching up off the bed, to feel Stefano like this, how hot and tight and slick he is on the inside, how his body squeezes Sebastian’s finger when Sebastian rubs him just the right way.  He takes a deep breath and puts his own excitement aside for the moment, because Stefano needs him now, needs him to be focused and calm and in control.

 

He alternates between massaging Stefano’s prostate and moving his finger in and out of Stefano’s body, and soon Stefano is writhing against him, arching his back and spreading his legs farther apart and whining in the most enticing way.  It is all the encouragement Sebastian needs to take the next step, but he also needs to hear it from Stefano.

 

He leans down so that he can speak directly into Stefano’s ear.  “Feeling okay?” he asks.

 

Based on Stefano’s body language, it’s a really stupid question, and apparently Stefano thinks so too, because his stares at Sebastian for a second, eye half-lidded and pupil blown out in arousal, before he moans, “Yes, god, Sebastian please…”

 

“Please what?” Sebastian asks, backing his finger off so that Stefano whines in frustration and tries to push his hips down toward Sebastian’s hand.  He knows he is teasing Stefano a little bit, but he wants to make sure that Stefano actually wants him to add another finger, rather than just to let him come, which would also be a reasonable request at this point.

 

“I need more,” Stefano says.  He is blushing furiously now, and he fumbles on the bed, finds the lube, and holds it out to Sebastian.  Even though there is still some on his fingers, Sebastian is never going to say no to more lube, so he eases his finger out of Stefano and lets Stefano put a few more drops of lube onto his middle finger.

 

He brings his fingers back to Stefano’s opening, rubbing over it with two fingers this time.  Stefano’s breathing is already speeding up, and Sebastian wants to interrupt that cycle before it gets started, so he leans down and kisses Stefano.  This one is deep and passionate, and it only takes a few seconds before Stefano is responding to it, pressing his tongue back against Sebastian and running his hand up and down Sebastian’s side, which is such a warm, pleasant feeling.

 

Sebastian pulls back and looks at Stefano.  His fingers are still rubbing circles around Stefano’s opening, because there really is no rush.  They have all the time they need, and they can do this all night if that is what Stefano prefers.

 

“Deep breaths,” Sebastian reminds him.  “It’s just my fingers you’re feeling.”  It seems like a strange thing to say, but even as far back as the dungeon, Stefano seems to find it reassuring to know that it’s Sebastian touching him.  Stefano’s expression is placid, but as Sebastian continues to touch him, he can still feel tension in his body.

 

“Something wrong?” Sebastian asks, trying to keep his tone light.  He doesn’t want to make Stefano feel like he is doing something wrong, but he’s not getting a lot out of Stefano’s facial expressions at the moment, and he needs some guidance on how to proceed.

 

“I don’t know,” Stefano says thoughtfully.  “Maybe you need to distract me again?”

 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Sebastian says with a sigh, because one of his thoughts about last night is that they might have rushed things a little bit.  “I mean, I’m happy to do other things to make you feel good and help you relax, but let’s make sure we’re taking it nice and slow.”

 

“Whatever you think is best,” Stefano replies.  “But stay up here with me, if you don’t mind.”

 

Sebastian smiles.  “I don’t mind at all.”  He leans down again, bringing his mouth to Stefano’s neck this time to place a kiss just below his ear.  Stefano sighs and shivers a little, and Sebastian makes a trail of kisses down his neck.  All the while, Sebastian’s fingers are still stroking around the rim of Stefano’s opening, not trying to enter him, just letting him get used to the sensation, feeling him relax little by little.

 

After a few minutes of lavishing attention on Stefano’s neck with his lips and tongue and teeth, hearing Stefano’s sighs of contentment, and feeling the warmth emanating from Stefano’s flushed skin, Sebastian shifts his attention back to Stefano’s face, which is turned into the crook of Sebastian’s arm.  He kisses his cheek, and Stefano opens his eye and looks up at him.

 

“How do you feel?” he asks.

 

“Better,” Stefano answers.  “I think I’m ready.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  “Just relax and watch me.  You’re going to be fine.”  He keeps eye contact with Stefano, both to gauge his facial expressions and to encourage him to keep his eye open.  Stefano’s mind seems to go to some dark places when he is left to his own devices.

 

Stefano takes a deep breath, and Sebastian makes a few more circles with his finger.  When he is satisfied that Stefano is nice and relaxed and that there is still enough lube to make everything comfortable, he exerts a little more pressure, adjusts his angle, and eases his fingers in.

 

“Breathe,” Sebastian murmurs.  “You’re safe with me, and in a second, I’m going to make you feel so good.”  Stefano holds eye contact and nods and takes another breath.  “You’re doing so well,” Sebastian continues.  “Let me in a little more.”

 

On Stefano’s next breath, it really does feel like he is letting Sebastian in.  He feels more relaxed around Sebastian’s fingers, and his face holds more wonder than fear.  Without much effort at all, Sebastian’s fingers are sinking in deeper, and soon, he is brushing over Stefano’s prostate again.

 

“Oh,” Stefano breathes.  “Yes, Sebastian.”

 

Sebastian takes that as his cue to begin a more thorough exploration of the inside of Stefano’s body, though it mainly consists of him letting his fingers slide in deep and massaging Stefano’s prostate in slow, deliberate circles of varying pressure and speed.  Stefano is utterly breathtaking through the entire process.  He clings to Sebastian, practically sobbing as Sebastian pleasures him with his fingers and uses his lips and teeth on Stefano’s neck and shoulder.

 

In between kisses and licks and soft bites to Stefano’s pale skin, Sebastian continues to offer reassuring words.  Stefano’s cock is fully hard and leaking precum after just a few minutes of this treatment, and it takes several more minutes for Stefano to breathlessly gasp, “Sebastian.”

 

“Yes?” Sebastian replies, stilling his fingers inside Stefano and raising his head from Stefano’s neck to look him in the eye.  Pleasure is written in every line of Stefano’s face, and nothing makes Sebastian happier than to see him looking like this.

 

“I need more,” Stefano says, voice barely above a whisper.  “I want to be ready for you.”

 

Sebastian nods.  “You will be.  Can you get me a little more lube?”  He lets his fingers slip free of Stefano’s body, and Stefano adds more lube to his hand.

 

When he brings his fingers back to Stefano’s opening, his touch is light and his fingers are slippery, and he can feel Stefano’s muscles twitch in anticipation.  He keeps his fingers there, just gently rubbing back and forth as he waits for the muscle spasms to stop.  Stefano is so brave to even attempt this, and sometimes it seems like his body is fighting him every step of the way.

 

Stefano’s face is buried in the crook of Sebastian’s arm again, as though he is bracing himself for something unpleasant, so Sebastian murmurs, “Stefano, look at me.”

 

Stefano’s eye opens, and he gives Sebastian a weak smile.  Sebastian smiles back, his fingers continuing to stroke, trying to coax Stefano’s body to relax.  He knows he is asking a lot, that it must be very difficult for Stefano to overcome the fear of penetration by something larger, but he also knows that Stefano wants this, and he is willing to work with him to try to get there.

 

“Keep breathing,” Sebastian reminds him.  “It’s just us here, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”  Stefano is looking in his direction, but his eye is unfocused, and Sebastian is worried that Stefano is not really seeing him.  “I’m just going to keep touching you with my fingers like this,” he continues, tracing around Stefano’s opening again for emphasis, “and then if it’s still feeling okay, we can try for more.”

 

Stefano does look at him then, really look at him.  “You are so good to me,” he says, voice still a little shaky.

 

“I love you,” Sebastian replies, leaning down to kiss him.  “And I want you to feel good, but it’s hard to tell what’s going on when you’re so quiet.”

 

Stefano seems to be considering for a moment.  “I think I am still worried that it might be too much.”  He brings a hand to Sebastian’s face.  “You are doing everything right, but I am just afraid that it won’t be enough, that I will still disappoint you.”

 

“You could never disappoint me,” Sebastian says, kissing Stefano’s forehead and then his mouth again.  “If we can’t get there today, then we’ll try another time.  There’s no hurry.”

 

Stefano pulls him close, burying his face in Sebastian’s shoulder.  “Thank you,” he murmurs, and Sebastian kisses the top of his head.

 

When Stefano lies back, resting his weight on Sebastian’s arm again, he already feels a little more relaxed and he is looking at Sebastian with interest.  “What do we do now?” he asks.

 

“A little more of this,” Sebastian replies as he circles Stefano’s opening, exerting a little more pressure with his fingers.  Stefano draws his breath in sharply, but he looks more excited than afraid.  “Don’t worry,” Sebastian adds.  “I’ll tell you if I’m going to do anything else.”

 

As he makes circles with his fingers, Sebastian can feel some of the tension going away, but he wants Stefano to be even more relaxed before they go any farther.  He leans down to draw his teeth along Stefano’s neck, to kiss and lick and bite and try to help Stefano lose himself in some of the more familiar feelings that usually seem to bring him pleasure.

 

The plan succeeds beautifully, and within a few well-placed movements of Sebastian’s mouth, Stefano is sighing and letting his head fall back, baring his throat to Sebastian so that Sebastian can work his way down it.  Stefano whimpers when Sebastian reaches his collarbone, bathing it gently with his tongue before he kisses his way back up to Stefano’s jaw line.

 

Stefano is nice and relaxed and breathing deeply now, and one of his hands is skating up and down Sebastian’s side.  Sebastian doesn’t think there is much more that he can do at this point to make Stefano more ready, so he raises his head and looks at Stefano.  What he sees there almost takes his breath away, because Stefano is gazing back at him with trust and adoration plainly visible on his face.  There is arousal too, of course, but Sebastian’s heart swells at seeing this unguarded side of Stefano.

 

“You’re beautiful,” Sebastian says, and Stefano’s face flushes pink as he looks away.  “Look at me,” Sebastian says, and Stefano obediently turns back to look Sebastian in the eye.  “Stay with me.  I think you’re ready for more now.  How do you feel?”

 

“Good,” Stefano says.  There’s an edge to his voice, but he still sounds calm, and his body is relaxed where Sebastian’s fingers are rubbing at him.  “Ready.”

 

Sebastian kisses his forehead.  “Okay,” he says, taking a deep breath himself.  “Just keep breathing and stay relaxed, and tell me if it’s too much.”

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian shifts his fingers, applying steady, gentle pressure until they slowly begin to enter Stefano’s body.  “That’s it,” Sebastian says.  “You’re doing so well.”

 

Stefano is panting with exertion, and his legs are trembling, but he is still looking at Sebastian, and he isn’t clenching down on his fingers.  On his next exhale, Sebastian feels him relax a little more, feels a little less resistance, and his fingers sink in even deeper.

 

He can imagine how intense this feels for Stefano, both from Stefano’s reactions and from how tight Stefano is around him.  His fingers move easily because of the lube, but he can tell that Stefano’s body is struggling to accommodate them, so he murmurs, “I know it feels like a lot, but you’re doing great.  Just focus on me.  I’m here with you, and I’m touching you, and nothing bad is going to happen.”

 

Stefano nods and his body is starting to feel a bit more relaxed around Sebastian’s fingers.  He eases them in a little farther, until he feels another twitch, just a slight tensing of Stefano’s muscles, but enough to make him stop and wait and whisper more soothing words to Stefano.

 

Sebastian is afraid he might not be making sense anymore, but he is starting to run out of ways to reassure Stefano when what he really wants to say is that he loves him, would never hurt him, would gladly take on himself every bit of the pain and the fear and the negative things Stefano has experienced.  He wants to make love to Stefano the way it is supposed to be done, to make him feel good inside and out, to let him feel only pleasure and comfort and safety.

 

He doesn’t know if Stefano is ready to hear all of those things though, and he doesn’t know if he could bring himself to say them, even though he believes them with all of his heart.  He leans down, presses a long, slow, tender kiss to Stefano’s mouth, and hopes that it will convey at least some of what he wishes he could say.

 

When he pulls back from the kiss, Stefano is smiling up at him, so he must have been at least partially successful.  “Almost there,” he says reassuringly as he eases his fingers in a little more.  They meet with no resistance this time, and he is able to slip them in enough that he can adjust his angle and rub them over Stefano’s prostate.

 

Apparently this is also becoming one of those familiar, pleasurable feelings for Stefano, because the first brush of Sebastian’s fingers there makes him cry out and press his hips down onto Sebastian’s fingers until they are fully sheathed inside him.

 

“Easy,” Sebastian says.  “It’s okay.  I’ve got you.”  Stefano is apparently beyond the need for soothing words though, because he whines and thrashes as Sebastian’s fingers gently probe that place again and again.  When Sebastian begins to move his fingers in and out, every movement easy and slick and effortless, Stefano’s body begins to move along with his hand and Stefano turns his face to press it into Sebastian’s arm.  Sebastian lets him this time, because he is clearly being overwhelmed by pleasure rather than fear.

 

Sebastian is starting to feel a little overwhelmed himself.  Stefano is taking his fingers so deeply, is giving himself over to Sebastian completely, and he is arching and moaning and pressing up off of the bed, doing everything he can to encourage Sebastian to do more.  And Sebastian wants to do more, wants to push Stefano even farther, wants to be inside him, to feel Stefano all around him as he writhes in pleasure, but he knows that it’s not quite time for that yet.

 

Sebastian slides his fingers in deep and presses firmly into Stefano’s prostate, rubbing his fingers in small focused circles as Stefano’s breath hitches and his body jerks under Sebastian, but Sebastian doesn’t stop.  He continues to massage until Stefano manages to gasp out, “Sebastian.  You can’t-  I’m going to-”

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian soothes, easing up on the pressure but keeping his fingers in place.  “Let me do this for you.”

 

Stefano nods against his arm, drawing in his breath with a noise that is almost like a sob.  Sebastian leans down to press a kiss to his temple as his fingers go back to work, rubbing Stefano’s prostate as Sebastian’s thumb presses into the area just behind his balls.

 

“Oh god, Sebastian,” Stefano moans.  There are actually tears leaking from his eye now, and Sebastian has to take a good long look at his body language to make sure that he is still enjoying himself, but everything about him is relaxed and pliant and responsive to Sebastian’s touches, and he must just be lost in the intensity of the experience.

 

Sebastian continues to massage, pressing his fingers firmly against Stefano’s prostate as he murmurs in Stefano’s ear, “You’re okay.  Just let it happen.”  In the next moment, Stefano is uttering a strangled, wordless cry and his hips are bucking, and Sebastian is feeling those muscle spasms again, but this time, they are more gentle, more rhythmical, and accompanied by twitches of Stefano’s cock as his seed spurts out onto his belly.

 

Stefano is still shaking and twitching and sobbing as he comes down from his orgasm.  This doesn’t bother Sebastian too much at first, because it was clearly a very powerful experience.  Sebastian murmurs comforting words as he lets his fingers slip out of Stefano’s body.  He keeps it up as he grabs some tissues, wipes off his own fingers and cleans up Stefano.  He tosses the used tissues aside, placing a hand on Stefano’s hip even as he continues to tremble.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian says, noticing with some alarm that rather than subsiding, Stefano’s sobs have intensified, and there are still tears flowing down his face which is buried in Sebastian’s arm.  “Stefano?”

 

Sebastian’s heart leaps into his throat, because maybe he misread Stefano at some point and maybe he has hurt him or pushed him too far, and the thought of Stefano suffering because of him is almost too much to bear.  He gathers Stefano fully into his arms, relieved that Stefano at least hugs him back, pulls Stefano against his chest and just holds him.  Stefano doesn’t speak, just cries himself out into Sebastian, and Sebastian rubs his back and whispers apologies and soothing words and presses kisses into his hair.

 

Sebastian is still frantically trying to determine what went wrong when Stefano takes a deep breath and seems to be composing himself.  When Sebastian feels Stefano’s arms tighten around him and Stefano sigh into his chest, he tries again.  “Stefano, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Stefano says, still sounding a little out of breath.  “Nothing is wrong.  I just…I didn’t know it could be like that.”

 

“But it was good?” Sebastian asks, still concerned about Stefano’s reaction.

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes.  “It was beautiful.  I am sorry if I upset you.  It just took me by surprise.”

 

“That’s alright,” Sebastian says, rubbing Stefano’s back some more.  Stefano stretches, then goes limp against him, and Sebastian pulls the duvet up around him.

 

Stefano seems to be drowsy again, which isn’t surprising after how many times he’s climaxed today, and Sebastian kisses his forehead and asks, “Is that enough for tonight?”

 

“No,” Stefano says, his voice muffled by Sebastian’s chest.  “I still want you to…to fuck me.”  Hearing that word from Stefano’s lips is shocking and a little exciting, but it is definitely the wrong word for the situation.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian murmurs.  “I’m not going to fuck you.”  He takes a deep breath.  “I’m going to make love to you.”

 

It sounds cheesy the instant he says it, but Stefano’s arms squeeze him again and he squeezes back and it feels perfect.

 

 

 


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefano hasn’t considered this, but maybe he is feeling a bit more like himself. He was certainly feeling some things last night that he hasn’t felt in a long time or maybe ever. Of course, in Union, he and Sebastian were enemies for some time. “What does that mean for us?” Stefano asks.
> 
> “I don’t know,” Sebastian replies, but his tone is playful. “How crazy are you going to start acting?”
> 
> “Nothing too dramatic,” Stefano says, feeling a little playful himself. “There will probably be a lot of art-related metaphors, you may be required to pose for me, and you will of course have to appreciate my art.”
> 
> Sebastian laughs. “I think I can handle that.”

 

 

Stefano basks in the warmth and affection that Sebastian gives out so freely as he ponders Sebastian’s words.  He has heard that expression of course, but he is absolutely certain that no one has ever made love to him before.  It seems fitting that Sebastian would be the first.  Sebastian has been the first for so many things.

 

He lies like that for several minutes, thinking warm, comfortable thoughts about Sebastian that quickly turn into more exciting thoughts as he replays some of their most recent encounters in his head.  And even after everything they’ve done this evening, he still wants more, needs more of Sebastian.  He wants to feel Sebastian all around him, inside him, wants to have that closeness that Sebastian talked about, even if he isn’t entirely sure how to go about it.

 

He does know one thing- Sebastian needs to be in control this time.  Stefano trusts him implicitly, and he needs Sebastian to take over so that he can focus on breathing and relaxing and being with Sebastian.  He hopes Sebastian will be agreeable to this, because Stefano has been asking quite a lot of him today.  More accurately, Sebastian has been offering him a lot and he has been accepting.

 

Stefano isn’t sure if part of Sebastian’s plan was to bring him to climax so many times that he doesn’t know which way is up, but if that is the case, it seems to be working.  What has been more interesting though is that each climax has been different, each one powerful but at the same time slower to build and gentler than the one before it.  It is as though Sebastian has been studying his body and now knows how to coax him to that edge over and over again, even when he isn’t sure it is possible for him to climax again.

 

Perhaps more importantly, the last climax has left him utterly boneless.  His whole body feels loose and relaxed, and everything around him is indistinct.  His nerve endings respond lazily to Sebastian’s hand stroking his back and Sebastian’s lips on the top of his head, and Sebastian’s words are a comforting buzz in his ears, but everything is sort of blended together into a pleasant haze of sensation.  Stefano can’t help but think that if Sebastian could just take him now, could just ease into him while he is in this altered state, that it would probably work.

 

He raises his head and leans up to kiss Sebastian, and one of Sebastian’s hands cradles his head as Sebastian’s tongue gently slips past his lips, and it is so easy, so natural to take that part of Sebastian into him that he must be able to do that with Sebastian’s cock as well.  Sebastian knows his body so intimately, handles every part of him so expertly, that surely he must be able to accommodate Sebastian in this way.

 

Sebastian pulls back and gazes at Stefano, and Stefano doesn’t have to be adept at reading others’ feelings to see the love in his eyes.  “How do you want me?” Sebastian asks, and the low rumble of his voice causes Stefano’s cock to twitch.

 

“On top of me,” Stefano answers without hesitation, “all around me, inside me.”

 

Sebastian smiles, presumably at his poetic delivery.  “Spoken like a true artist.”

 

Stefano shifts onto his back, letting the duvet fall to the side so that he is exposed before Sebastian again, but this time, he is only anticipating good things.  He adjusts the pillow under his hips, takes a deep breath, and lets his legs fall open and relaxed on the bed.

 

“Give me a second to get ready,” Sebastian murmurs, kissing him on the shoulder.

 

Stefano watches for a moment as Sebastian takes his own cock in hand, sees him draw in a shuddering breath as he strokes it slowly up and down, watches it grow as it hardens in his grasp.  It is large, definitely larger than Sebastian’s three fingers, but it is also part of Sebastian, and Sebastian is not going to do anything to hurt him.

 

“Can I help you with that?” Stefano asks, realizing that this would probably be the polite thing to do in this situation.

 

“I’ve got it,” Sebastian says.  “You just lie back and relax and think nice thoughts.”

 

“Such as?” Stefano asks.  He has some ideas about nice thoughts already, but he is interested to see what Sebastian will suggest.

 

“Like all of those times in the safe houses when I held you or touched you,” Sebastian begins as he opens a condom and rolls it down onto his cock.  “Like those first few nights in hotels, just cuddling and comforting each other.”  He pours some lube into his palm and spreads it on his cock, his voice breaking a little as he does so.  “Like the nights after those, learning and exploring and making each other feel good.”

 

Sebastian takes a little more lube on his fingers and reaches between Stefano’s legs.  “Just more lube,” he says by way of explanation.  This time, Sebastian’s fingers on his opening don’t startle him at all.  They blend right in with the rest of the comfortable haze around him, a slightly cool feeling and a nice, gentle tingling in a sensitive area.

 

Then Sebastian is kneeling between his legs, leaning over him, and wrapping his arms around Stefano’s shoulders.  He presses a kiss to Stefano’s cheek before he murmurs in his ear.  “I love you so much, Stefano.  I’m going to go very slowly and gently, but if anything bothers you, even a little bit, you’ve got to tell me, okay?”

 

“I will,” Stefano replies, though at the moment, it is hard to imagine anything bothering him.  Even knowing what they are about to attempt, he feels so content to be here under Sebastian, with Sebastian’s weight pressing him down into the bed and Sebastian’s mouth so close to his ear.

 

Sebastian shifts back into more of a crouch, bringing one hand down between Stefano’s legs.  Stefano can’t really see what is going on, but he feels Sebastian tease the outside of his opening with one finger before lining up his cock, feels that much larger object touching him in such a delicate area, but it’s not an object, not something that is going to be forced into him.  It’s Sebastian’s cock, and Sebastian is in control this time and Sebastian will not hurt him.

 

Sebastian looks him in the eye then, and Stefano can tell that it is taking some effort for Sebastian to hold back.  His voice is low and husky as he says, “Just watch me.  I’ve got you, and in a minute I’ll show you how good it can be.”

 

Sebastian’s other hand moves off of Stefano’s hip, reaches for his hand.  “Hold my hand,” Sebastian instructs, still breathing a little hard.  Stefano complies, and Sebastian interlaces their fingers before resting their hands on the bed.  “You can do this.  We can do this.”

 

Stefano’s breath catches in his throat as Sebastian starts to ease forward.  The head of his cock is slick and blunt and so large, and it is stretching Stefano open more than he has ever been, or at least more than he has been since…something that he doesn’t want to think about at the moment, doesn’t have to think about, because Sebastian is over him, and Sebastian’s voice is in his ears.

 

“Breathe,” says Sebastian, though he sounds like he is struggling to follow his own advice.  Stefano does and finds that even though his heart is pounding, he can control his breaths, can make them nice and slow and deep, and Sebastian is sliding into him a little farther.  There is more stretching now, and for a moment, Stefano feels a prickle of anxiety because he is not in control of this thing that is entering his body, but then Sebastian is telling him that he’s okay, and he is okay, and it is Sebastian who is in control, and he relaxes, stops trying to fight it, and a few more slick inches of Sebastian’s cock press into him.

 

“You’re doing great,” Sebastian grunts, his face contorted with the strain of whatever he is experiencing.  Stefano squeezes his hand, wanting to tell Sebastian that he is also doing great, but not sure what exactly will happen if he opens his mouth right now.

 

His heart is still pounding, and he feels so full, stretched to his limit, maybe past his limit, but this is nothing like anything he has ever felt before, nothing like his former sexual encounters, nothing like what happened in the dungeon.  His body is re-forming itself, being sculpted into a new image to take Sebastian’s beautiful, thick cock inside him and there is no pain, no fear.  He is a work of art, and he is the artist, and he is a tool in Sebastian’s hand as they re-make him, re-shape him into something new.

 

He breathes, squeezes Sebastian’s hand again and the slow, easy slide continues until he can feel every inch of Sebastian inside him, feel Sebastian’s body pressed fully against his, and now both of Sebastian’s arms are around him, holding him, and he is holding Sebastian.  Sebastian’s face is inches from his, and Sebastian pants, “Are you alright?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano finally manages to say, voice a little shaky but getting stronger as he continues.  “Yes, Sebastian.  Take me.  Shape me.  Make me your art,” he gasps.

 

Sebastian hesitates for a moment, then kisses him deeply, tongue invading his mouth the same way Sebastian’s cock is invading his body, and he welcomes both, tries to draw Sebastian in deeper because he needs all of Sebastian.  Sebastian, for the moment at least, is being rather frustrating, making slow, gentle movements of his hips as he kisses Stefano, and Stefano understands that Sebastian is being careful, that Sebastian is trying to make sure that he is comfortable, but he is ready for so much more.

 

He wraps his legs around Sebastian’s waist, brings his hands to Sebastian’s ass to pull Sebastian even harder against him, and moans at how good it feels to be stretched so perfectly open around Sebastian.

 

Sebastian breaks the kiss, rests his head next to Stefano’s on the pillow and groans, “Okay if I move a little more?”

 

“Please,” Stefano says immediately, because if Sebastian doesn’t move soon, he might actually die.  Art, true art, requires physical manipulation, and he is ready for Sebastian to manipulate him.

 

Sebastian shifts his hands, braces them next to Stefano’s shoulders on the bed and backs out a few inches before pressing back in with a grunt of exertion.  Stefano’s answering moan causes Sebastian to pause and look carefully at his face, but Sebastian must be satisfied by what he sees there, because he only smiles in a strained sort of way and pulls out a little farther and presses back in, a little harder this time, which feels even better.

 

After a few more shallow thrusts, Stefano is sure that his new body was made to take Sebastian’s cock like this, and when Sebastian pulls almost all the way out before thrusting back in, Stefano is crying out and digging his fingers into Sebastian’s back and practically begging Sebastian to do it again.

 

On the next one, Sebastian buries himself fully in Stefano’s body and moans, “Oh, Stefano…oh, fuck,” into Stefano’s ear.  It makes Stefano wonder if Sebastian is coming apart the same way he is, coming apart and being put back together, and it is then that he realizes the fundamental difference between this and every other sexual experience he has had.

 

This is not something that his being done to him, not something that he is enduring for someone else’s pleasure.  He and Sebastian are collaborating, making this work of art together, and his whole body is suddenly flooded with warmth and affection for Sebastian, with appreciation for everything Sebastian has done for him, because all of these feelings are new and incredible and Sebastian is the only one who can make him feel like this.  Sebastian is the only one he can let in like this.

 

Sebastian’s thrusts are getting faster and harder, and each one makes Stefano’s breath hitch a little, draws a moan or a gasp from his throat, because Sebastian is in so deep, both in his body and his mind.  Then Sebastian shifts, adjust the angle just a bit, and on his next thrust a sharp, electric jolt of pleasure races up Stefano’s spine and Stefano is letting out a very undignified yelp and clinging to Sebastian even harder.

 

Sebastian pauses.  “You okay,” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says breathlessly.  “Please, do that again.”

 

“What?” Sebastian asks, a playful expression creeping onto his face as he sits up a little and takes hold of Stefano’s hips, pulling back for another thrust.  “This?” he asks as he thrusts in again.

 

The noise Stefano makes this time is more of a wordless scream, because it is so much stimulation to such a sensitive place, and he isn’t sure that he can handle much more of it, but that is exactly how he felt when Sebastian brought him off with his fingers earlier.

 

Sebastian delivers a few more thrusts to his prostate, and each one makes him feel raw, open on the inside, like when Sebastian was treating his wounds with the green gel, and it feels like a lot, feels like it might be too much, but Sebastian knows his body even better than he knows it himself.  When he starts to feel overwhelmed, Sebastian backs off, slows down his thrusts, adjust his angle so that the stimulation is less direct, and Stefano can catch his breath and refocus on Sebastian.

 

By the second time Sebastian is thrusting against his prostrate, making him whine and moan and dig his fingers into Sebastian’s hips, Stefano realizes that his own cock is hard again, bouncing against his belly with every thrust.  It isn’t demanding attention at the moment, but the intense bursts of pleasure that come every time Sebastian thrusts into him are radiating through his lower body, and that warm, lovely tingling sensation is starting to spread to his cock and balls, and he might actually be able to climax again after all.

 

Stefano loses count of how many times Sebastian alternates between the deep, powerful thrusts that feel so incredible, that make his cock ache and all of the air leave his lungs in a rush, and the slower, gentler motions that give him time to recover and allow Sebastian to lie full length on top of him and hold him and gasp out words of love and comfort as he moves inside of him.

 

It is in one of these slower, more controlled moments when Sebastian leans in to kiss him tenderly and Stefano kisses back and then whispers, “I love you,” against Sebastian’s lips, because right in that moment, he understands.  He understands that he and Sebastian are collaborating to make their own art, their own beauty in the world, right here in this bedroom.

 

Sebastian stops moving entirely, rests his whole weight on Stefano for a moment and presses a kiss to the shell of his ear before he whispers back.  “I love you too, and I will keep proving it to you for as long as you’ll let me.”

 

Stefano reaches for his face, pulls him into a deep kiss, because if Sebastian is willing, then this doesn’t have to end, they can re-create their world, create new lives for themselves and for Lily, and any world that he creates with Sebastian will be perfect.  “You can keep proving it to me forever, as far as I’m concerned,” he whispers back as soon as the kiss ends.

 

Sebastian’s eyes look a little wet for a moment, and he kisses Stefano again, slowly and tenderly.  When he pulls back, he seems to have regained control of himself, but there is a smile on his face.  “Do you think you can come again?” he asks, gesturing toward Stefano’s cock which is being pleasantly squeezed between their bodies.

 

“I think so,” Stefano replies.

 

“What do you need?” Sebastian asks, voice a little rough again.  “Do you want me to touch you?”

 

“Not yet,” Stefano answers, because if Sebastian does that everything will be over too soon, and he needs to feel that exquisite overwhelmed, over-stimulated feeling again.  “Maybe right at the end.  But first, can you…can you take me hard, like you were before?  But don’t stop this time.”

 

Stefano swears he can actually see Sebastian’s pupils dilate with lust when he says this.  He can definitely see the way Sebastian swallows, the way his breathing picks up a little.  “Okay,” Sebastian breathes.  “You’ll tell me if it’s too much?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, leaning in to press one more soft kiss to Sebastian’s lips.  Then he adds, “I may react…like last time, if that’s alright.”  He doesn’t want to worry Sebastian, but he suspects the intense feelings may bring him to tears again.

 

“As long as you’re okay,” Sebastian says with a nod and shifts his weight back again, taking Stefano by the hips so that he can lift him up a little and pull out almost all the way.

 

His first few thrusts are more tentative, and he is watching Stefano’s face carefully.  Stefano locks eyes with him and runs his hands up and down Sebastian’s chest, silently encouraging him to give him more.  Then Sebastian’s movements start to pick up speed, and he is pressing in hard, hitting Stefano’s prostate on each stroke, and Stefano is moaning and using his legs to try to pull Sebastian deeper, to take even more of him in, because he wants all of Sebastian.

 

Each thrust is fresh wave of pleasure, a new jolt of excitement between his legs and up his spine.  He doesn’t have quite enough time to recover in between them, so each one builds on the last, becoming more and more intense.  Sebastian’s thrusts are powerful, and he is using his hands on Stefano’s hips to pull Stefano hard against his lap each time he buries himself inside him, and just when Stefano thinks he is getting used to Sebastian’s girth, he is hit by a new wave of dizzying excitement at how spread open he is, stretched tight around Sebastian’s cock, which is pounding into him mercilessly.

 

He’s having a hard time catching his breath between thrusts now, and his ears are filled with the sounds of flesh on flesh, with Sebastian’s grunts and moans and curses, with his own cries.  He can tell from the tension in Sebastian’s body that he has more to give, and he wants all of it.  He gasps out, “Please, Sebastian.”

 

He feels Sebastian’s hands tighten on his hips and on the next thrust, he actually sees stars as Sebastian’s cock drives into his prostate.  There is another hard thrust, and another, and he can’t react fast enough, can’t get back in control.  It’s too much and too fast and it feels too good, and he can’t get a proper breath, but Sebastian is relentless.

 

Stefano’s vision has narrowed down to just Sebastian’s face, his safe anchor point in a tempest of other sensations, and even though Sebastian seems to be unable to speak at this moment, he remembers Sebastian’s words, stops fighting to stay in control, and just lets go.

 

Sebastian is still pounding into him, and each stroke feels better, deeper, closer to that edge than the last, and then suddenly he is too close, he is falling, and his cries are turning into sobs, and he can feel the tremor running through his body as he climaxes one more time.  It is perfect and beautiful and he is so vulnerable, so exposed right in that moment, but it’s alright because Sebastian is here and Sebastian is gasping out his name and giving one more deep thrust before he collapses onto Stefano, chest heaving.

 

He doesn’t realize there are tears on his face until Sebastian kisses them away.  “Are you alright?” Sebastian murmurs once he has caught his breath enough to speak.

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes.  “That was beautiful.”

 

“You’re beautiful,” Sebastian replies, leaning in to kiss him on the forehead.  “That didn’t hurt you?”

 

“Not at all,” Stefano answers, running his hands up and down Sebastian’s back.

 

Sebastian sighs deeply and relaxes against Stefano, his head resting next to Stefano’s on the pillow.  “I’m so glad.  And it’s only going to get better from here.”

 

“I’m not sure how it could get better,” responds Stefano, “but you are more than welcome to try.”

 

Sebastian laughs, then draws back to look at Stefano.  “Let me just pull out of you, okay?”

 

Stefano blinks in surprise for a moment, because until Sebastian mentioned it, he hadn’t realized that Sebastian is still inside him.  It feels so comfortable and natural to be joined with Sebastian like this, that it is almost a sense of loss when Sebastian sits back and grasps the base of his cock and carefully pulls out of his body.

 

The next few minutes play out like snapshots in his mind as he lies wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and pleasure and the lingering effects of what has to be his fourth or fifth climax of the evening: Sebastian kissing his thigh before going into the bathroom, Sebastian returning with a warm washcloth and gently wiping him clean, Sebastian turning out the lights and lying down with him so that he is finally wrapped in an actual cocoon of blankets and Sebastian.

 

He is vaguely aware of Sebastian whispering that he loves him, and there are things he wants to say to Sebastian, but his body has had enough, and he dozes off before he can say a word.

 

 

 

Stefano wakes up the next morning exactly as he went to sleep, surrounded by Sebastian’s strong arms with his face resting on Sebastian’s chest.  He squirms closer, trying to burrow further into Sebastian to avoid the rays of sunlight that are coming around edges of the curtains, but then Sebastian stirs underneath him.

 

“Good morning,” Sebastian says, giving him a squeeze.

 

“Good morning to you,” Stefano replies, throwing his leg over Sebastian in case Sebastian has any ideas about getting out of bed any time soon.

 

“How are you feeling?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano isn’t sure what he means for a moment until he remembers that Sebastian is usually worried that he has hurt Stefano in some way.

 

“Spectacular,” Stefano replies, stretching against Sebastian.  It really isn’t an exaggeration.  Last night was unlike anything he has ever experienced before in so many ways, and he feels perfectly content at the moment.

 

“So, if I may ask, what was with the art stuff?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano raises his head to look at Sebastian.  “What art stuff?”

 

“That you said last night…when we were…”

 

“Oh,” Stefano says, realizing what Sebastian must be talking about.  “Yes, I suppose I can be a bit poetic when I am in the throes of passion.”

 

Sebastian smiles.  “You sounded a little more like the Stefano I knew from before…in Union.”

 

Stefano hasn’t considered this, but maybe he is feeling a bit more like himself.  He was certainly feeling some things last night that he hasn’t felt in a long time or maybe ever.  Of course, in Union, he and Sebastian were enemies for some time.  “What does that mean for us?” Stefano asks.

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian replies, but his tone is playful.  “How crazy are you going to start acting?”

 

“Nothing too dramatic,” Stefano says, feeling a little playful himself.  “There will probably be a lot of art-related metaphors, you may be required to pose for me, and you will of course have to appreciate my art.”

 

Sebastian laughs.  “I think I can handle that.”

 

Stefano fixes Sebastian with a more serious look, because underneath all of the joking, this is a serious topic.  “You know that my subject matter can be rather dark.”

 

“I know,” Sebastian replies.  “That’s fine, but you can’t kill anyone.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano nods.  He hasn’t had the urge to kill anyone since Union, so he feels comfortable making this promise to Sebastian.  He rests his head on Sebastian’s chest again, before, just for fun, he adds, “What if they are really asking for it?”

 

Sebastian laughs at that, and there is some more hugging and kissing and rolling around until they settle down again, this time on their sides facing each other.

 

There is still something that is bothering Stefano, though the conversation with Kidman yesterday has put his mind somewhat at ease.  “You’re not going to get any crazier, are you?” he asks Sebastian.

 

“Not planning on it,” Sebastian replies.  “Now that we know that Mobius is finished, I think I can take it easy for a while, at least until Lily is old enough to start dating.”

 

Stefano smiles, because he certainly would not want to be the young man who shows up to take Lily out on a date.  “Where are we going to live?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says.  “Do you like it here?”

 

Stefano thinks for a moment.  “I would rather be closer to the coast,” he says finally.  “In the city, somewhere with art and music and no more corn mazes.”

 

“I think we can work with that,” Sebastian says.  “Though Lily will be disappointed to be so far from the World’s Largest Rocking Chair.”

 

“Something tells me she won’t mind as long as we are all together,” Stefano replies.

 

“I think you’re right,” Sebastian says.  “Besides, it would be nice to be close to the beach.”

 

“I feel like I should establish now that I am not going to the beach with you,” Stefano warns.

 

“I don’t know.  I would be there in a bathing suit,” Sebastian says, as though he is dangling something tempting in front of Stefano.

 

“But you are here right now, naked,” Stefano points out.

 

“Fair enough,” Sebastian replies.  “I’ll figure out some other way to get you there.”  He pauses.  “I guess for now, we’ll just head out to the coast and find a city we like and start looking at some houses.”

 

“Good,” Stefano replies.  “Very specific.”

 

Sebastian laughs again.  “I like to have a plan,” he says.

 

“And we do have a plan,” Stefano says.  “It just needs some of the details filled in.”

 

Sebastian smiles and kisses him, and they spend another couple of hours lying in bed talking until Sebastian decides that they should check in on Kidman and Lily and see about some breakfast.

 

 

 

After breakfast, they take Kidman to the airport and wish her luck on the next leg of her tour of abandoned Mobius facilities.  She hugs Lily and Sebastian and shakes hands with Stefano and promises to keep in touch.  Stefano hopes that she will be in touch soon, that she will tell them she has found Joseph so that Sebastian can do what he needs to do to have closure in that part of his life.

 

Stefano himself has never had trouble with closure.  In fact, especially in recent days, it seems like so many parts of his old life are closed off, permanently beyond his reach.  Union was a kind of home to him, but it was utterly destroyed.  Krimson City, a place he may have once called home, is probably the one place to which he can never return.  Florence…Florence is still there, still waiting for him if he can ever face those memories, but he doesn’t know what purpose it would serve.

 

He has been so long without a home, so long without a family, finding comfort in his own creations, in the world he made for himself in Krimson and then in Union.  He still isn’t entirely sure how to be part of a family, but he does know that he wants to make his new world, his new life with Sebastian and Lily, and maybe in a sense, that is what family is.

 

The road stretches out ahead of them, and Sebastian sings tunelessly along with the radio, and Lily, who might be the most responsible of them all, is looking up west coast cities on her phone, and Stefano is suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia, wonders if this is something, somewhere in the depths of his memory, that he has known before, that he should know.

 

He reaches out for Sebastian, and Sebastian’s hand is in his even before he even crosses the center console.  Their fingers intertwine, and Sebastian gives his hand a squeeze, and he is going to be alright.  They are all going to be alright, even if all that is left in the world is Stefano and Sebastian and Lily and their beat-up SUV, three duffel bags, and a cooler full of teeth marks.  For the first time in nearly twenty-four years, Stefano is home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [Angelic Sociopath](https://angelicsociopath.tumblr.com/) has created an amazing Instagram edit based on this story that can be seen [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/BnMt3srhcrb/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=embed_loading_state_control).
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to every reader, everyone who left comments and kudos, everyone who reached out on Tumblr, to Angelic Sociopath, Ruvikkin, RiddleArt, and Chibi-Raiden, who have created some stunning art and video content for Catalyst, and to Vulpeskorsak who encouraged me to post this story in the first place. This is without a doubt the longest and most emotionally involved piece I have ever written, and the only reason it got out of my head and onto the page is because people cared about it.  
>    
> Once again, thank you all. This was quite a journey.


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